MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM PEACH!
The traditional warm tones of "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" welcome us to the usual living room opening scene where Peach's Predictions takes place. Madman Szalinski's living room is well-decorated for the holidays. A young woman's narration is heard over the scene, as we open up with Peach running up into the room.
Twas' the night before Christmas, and all through the street...
Not a creature was stirring...except for ME! PEACH!
Peach has a pair of foam antlers strapped to her head.
Looking around the room, we now see a clear glass mannequin head with Madman's trademark blue and red mask on it.
Daddy's mask was hung on a stand made of glass,
In hopes that at Seasons' Beatings he would kick Eddy's ass.
A swiping shot shows Ariel sleeping in bed, without Madman. She tosses and turns.
Mommy wore her new GPW pajama bottoms to bed,
While visions of Malibu danced in her head.
Ariel murmurs in her sleep slightly.
While Mommy dreamt about strangling Michelle Taylor's neck,
I wondered if I had any food left...so I went to check.
Peach runs from the bedroom into the living room. Peach goes down to her foodbowl, eating a few of the crumbs left. She darts her head up at the jingle of a bell.
And all of a sudden, I sniffed with my nose
What was this? Not one, but TWO bones?
Peach runs out into the middle of the living room, as the jingle of bells is heard once again with an echoing "HO HO HO!" Peach jumps up and swats her paws in the air.
Peach: BARK! BARK!
But before I go and spoil my dinner,
I need to first pick out each a winner!
The card for Victory XIX begins appearing one match at a time, as Peach sniffs back and forth between the bones. The scenes change along with each narration, and the background music has shifted to an instrumental of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town." First off, a scene where Peach picks up the red bone and begins to chew on it overlaid with "Paladin vs. Teddy Alexander".
I don't know what "before you were, I AM" means,
but I think I'd rather chew on this red bone please!
Next up, "Leyenda De Ocho vs. J. Stevenson" appears as Peach sniffs back and forth, finally choosing the red bone.
One I don't know; the other so-so,
With a random gut instinct I must go!
"Jalante vs. Marie van Claudio" appears as Peach hides behind the blue bone, whining at the red one.
Peach takes the blue bone in her mouth, still whining at the red bone.
The scene shifts to "Thatcher Rex vs. Tommy Ace" where Peach lays down with the red bone, licking it.
Daddy says Thatcher still looks like Bowser,
so that's why Tommy Ace made a mess in his trousers!
The scene changes into the Wrestleshow #29 card. Peach once again is seen going for the red bone with the first match, which is "Gentlemen Jack vs. The Good Reverend".
Such a fine grappler, with style and skill,
Better than one who manipulates others' will.
Peach next takes her time going back and forth between each bone, with "Will Haynes vs. Abdul bin Hussain" fading away.
The one from the other side of the world is a lie,
He is the same as all of us inside.
Peach picks the red bone once again. The final scene is Peach running around the room, looking at some kind of center object.
Peach: BARK! BARK! BARK!
"Wildfire Championship Battle Royal" appears over the screen, and the camera turns to show Peach barking at mess of white rawhide bones, each with a prson's name written on them.
With so many choices, it's hard to choose one;
But Graham is my buddy and a shot he's already won!
Peach dives into the pile, coming out with Graham Clauson's bone.
Another scene wipe shows "Seasons' Beatings" followed by "Doozer vs. Turk". The background music switches to "Jingle Bells" still instrumental.
Even if you don't like it, you have to be fair...
I still wish Turk would have stayed over there.
Peach whines as she takes the blue bone, growling once she gets it into her mouth.
"CBR vs. Chris Hopper - UTA Internet Title" appears over the screen. Peach starts to growl at the red bone while standing over the blue one
Everyone loses, you just haven't lost yet.
You're still the champion - not after this match I bet!
Peach picks up the blue bone and lays down with it. Another scene swipe goes into "Santa Claus vs. Uncle Rocky vs. Bobby Dean vs. Zhalia Fears" with four bones laid out. The red one has a Christmas hat, and the green one is sitting in the drivers' seat of a toy truck. Peach sniffs each one out one at a time.
Presents for all lay under the tree,
Although our family can get a bit crazy.
Peach takes her time, before choosing the yellow bone.
"Yoshii vs. Perfection - UTA Championship" appears next, and Peach does not wait for it to disappear before going directly for the enlarged red bone.
Peach: RUFF! RUFF!
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf!
And unlike Perfection, he isn't full of himself!
Peach looks up to growl at the blue bone.
The scene shifts into "Sean Jackson vs. Spectre - Shock Therapy Match". Peach first looks at both bones on the floor, then moves her head to start looking up and around the room before sniffing back at the two bones.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had everything to dread.
Peach continues sniffing at both bones.
Ariel comes running into the living room.
Ariel: What's wrong, Peach?
Ariel walks over, kneeling down to pet and cradle the whining Peach.
Ariel: I know, Dad's out late tonight...I hope he isn't out drinking...he's got a really big match to get ready for, remember?
Ariel: He's under a lot of pressure...he'll be back soon, I promise.
Ariel looks around the room, before noises are heard at the door. Peach darts her head up.
The door flies open. Madman Szalinski walks in, several bags in hand. A scowl appears on his face.
Madman: EVERYBODY OUT! I GOT CHRISTMAS PRESENTS TO WRAP!
Ariel grabs the bones from the floor, looking up as Madman marches into the living room and sets bags down on the couch. Peach is still barking all around him. When Ariel drops the bones to pick up Peach, "Madman Szalinski vs. La Flama Blanca" appears.
With one more match left, maybe the biggest of all;
I still had to choose who would stand, who would fall...
Ariel: I know, Dad's home...
Madman slaps Ariel's hand lightly when she tries to reach in for Madman's bundles of bags.
Madman: Hands off. You can wait until the big day.
Ariel feigns a pouty face as Peach grabs the red bone in her mouth.
I knew Daddy was mad, he thought Eddy was his friend,
and I knew it hurt when their friendship had to end.
Madman: YES! FUZZBALL! I'M HOME! GOD DAMN SON!
Madman kneels down to pet Peach, when he notices the bone in her mouth.
So if Santa can get wishes from little dogs like me,
Please, Santa, let Madman defeat LFB!
Madman: I missed you, I love you...Daddy's puppy...
Madman stands up after getting showered with licks from Peach, and starst ushering.
Madman: Okay, I'm wrapping presents now. You, out. You, out. You, out.
Madman points at the camera on the last "you, out". The camera switches to a pan of outside the Szalinski home, with the instrumental rendition of "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing!" softly fading away in the background.
So remember this day, and why the angels do hark...
Merry Christmas to all, and to all...
Peach: BARK! BARK!
"Hope you’re hungry! ‘Cause I got a Knuckle Sandwich... WITH YOUR NAME ON IT!"
- Lunchbox Larry