We open cold to Madman Szalinski's living room, where Madman is laid back on the couch petting Peach behind the ears while she lays on his stomach.
Madman: I've had a long day...training for an Iron Man match is hard. I ran a mile....I did cardio...I did weights...I did my wife....what's left to do?
Madman: Peach, are you telling me what I think you're telling me?
Peach perks her head up.
Madman: It's time for a super Ring King Weekend edition of Peach's Predictions!!!
Madman and Peach, looking into the camera, both look back at each other briefly.
Madman: Ariel, get ready to throw some bones down!
The red bone has a dinosaur tail coming from one side, towards the bottom. Peach sniffs it, crouching down on all fours playfully.
Madmman: I know, Thatcher Rex is a familiar name to us isn't he?
Peach brings Madman the red bone.
The blue bone has an eyepatch, while the red bone has a beard, both on the ends of the bone. Peach goes berserk when she sniffs the red bone.
Madman: Do you miss MegaFurball, Peach?
Madman: I know, he's here to try and steal Dad's thunder isn't he?
Peach growls with the red bone in her mouth, bringing it to Madman.
The green bone, as usual, is oversized. It is also the bone Peach rolls towards Madman with her nose and front paws.
Two bones are tossed out onto the floor - a red bone with a pink ribbon and bow, and a blue bone.
Madman: It doesn't count if she brings me the bow.
Peach brings the red bone (without removing the pink bow) to Madman.
Madman: Okay, Peach. We don't know who this blue bone is, okay? So here's what I want you to do. I want you to vote for who you want to see face Hopper, okay?
Peach stands up on her hind legs.
Madman: Okay, we have Will Haynes...
Madman holds up a green bone.
Madman: We have I.M. Hate...
Madman holds up a black bone.
Madman then holds up the blue bone, with a white lucha mask on one end.
Madman: And we have La Flama...
Peach: BARK! BARK
Madman: You said it!
Peach jumps up onto the couch with the bone, setting it down and licking the mask.
Madman: Should I even ask about him against Chris..
Madman reaches for the blue LFB bone. Peach snarls.
Madman: This should be good...Peach, what do you think?
Peach barks back and forth at both bones, knocking them around.
Madman: Oh, I see...Peach is establishing herself as the top dog of her pod, so nobody thinks she's gonna be someone's property while she's locked up...
Peach picks up the red bone, but drops it for the blue one. She goes back and forth between the two, finally settling on the red bone.
Madman: Let's hear it for Ariel back there, throwing them bones out while hiding behind the camera the whole time!
Peach grabs the red bone, jumping up onto the couch. Madman does not notice while he is trying to talk to Ariel, who is behind the camera.
Ariel: Honey, Peach made her pick.
Madman: I know, what's your point?
Peach runs the bone into Madman's crotch.
Madman: This one's big, fuzzball. I don't even remember how they're gonna do this...is it a barbed wire cage? They gonna hang a bag of Teddy Grahams from the rafters? Oh, that's right...just a normal match.
A purple bone and a red bone are thrown out. Peach sniffs both bones, making odd noises as she passes each one.
Peach grabs neither bone, looking back at Madman and laying down.
Madman: So you don't think there's gonna be a clear winner?
Madman: All right then.
Madman: Okay...the moment of truth. This is what you've been waiting for.
The bones are thrown out. Peach immediately grabs the red one, tail wagging. Madman, in the meantime, clicks a button on a stopwatch.
Madman: 60 seconds, because none of us have the attention span to do this for a whole minute. Me one, Bobby Darin zero.
Peach then picks up the blue bone.
Peach changes her mind, going now for the red one.
Madman: 2-1...that's right, puppy...
Peach drops the red bone, picks up the blue bone, and begins to run around the living room.
Madman: Okay...thirty seconds left, fuzzball...tied at 2-2...
Peach runs around again, disappearing on one side of the couch and reappearing on the other. Peach slams headfirst into the edge of the couch after overshooting a turn and the bone flies across the wooden floor. Peach, no worse for the wear, runs over and jumps onto the couch, barking.
Peach: BARK! BARKBARKBARK!
Madman: Ten seconds, Peach...who's gonna win?
Peach jumps down from the couch, sitting in front of Madman.
Madman: Five seconds...
Madman: Time's up. It's gonna be a draw..
Peach jumps around the living room.
Madman: Oh! It's gonna be sudden death!
Peach grabs the red bone, passing right by the blue bone and growling in its direction, still carrying the red bone as she jumps onto the couch alongside Madman and drops the bone gently onto his lap.
Madman: Good girl.
Madman: See you this weekend in Dallas, Texas for UTA Ring King LIVE ON PAY PER VIEW!
"I NEED CHEESEBURGERS"
- Kentucky Tarzan