Chillin' With Colt returns after a month long hiaturs!
The scene fades in on the ‘Chillin’ With Colt’ set. Colton Thorpe is seated behind his modernized desk, and he is showing little to no emotion. His feet are kicked up on the top of the desk as he leans back in his chair. Holding tightly onto a coffee mug, one can only assume that coffee does not occupy its interior.
Thorpe: Ladies and gentleman, welcome to a much needed, long overdue edition of Chillin' With Colt. First, and foremost, I would like to begin by offering my sincerest apologies to you, the faithful followers of Colt.
Colt drops his feet to the floor, sitting forward in his chair. Placing the coffee mug on top of a coaster, you know, to avoid the water rings, he points out towards the camera and the presumed millions of viewers watching behind its lens.
Thorpe: This past month has been extremely busy for me. Travelling across the globe, successfully defending my championship week in and week out, fighting the good war against incompetent management, yada yada yada. The life of a champion though, am I right? But even so, that is no excuse to have deprived you good people of the cutting edge programming that is Chillin’ With Colt.
Colt continues pointing towards the camera lens, doing his best to stay ‘sincere’.
Thorpe: So with that said, I am truly sorry. I hope every single one of you can find it within your heart to forgive me. And if not, well…
Colt leans back in his chair, his smile breaking through.
Thorpe: Well that’s just too *bleep*ing bad, isn’t it?. It’s not like any of you will ever understand what it’s like to be a champion, so I can’t expect you to understand the pressure and responsibility that comes with such a title.
Colt reaches forward, pressing a button on the keyboard of his laptop. Immediately, loud applause are heard on set, and it’s very much so evident they are coming from the overhead speakers.
Thorpe: Thank you, I appreciate it. I knew you would all understand that every moment I grace you with appearance, it really is a gift to you. It’s your privilege, and whether it’s once a week, once a month, or once a year that this show airs, you have no right to bitch, and every right to shut your mouths and enjoy it.
The applause track dies down to silence, Colt no longer having to talk over the fans appreciative gesture.
Thorpe: But Moving on, I’d like to introduce todays guest. This man is beloved by the UTA universe, and is easily one of the most popular superstars in the UTA today. What he lacks in the success and achievements department, he makes up for with his obese girth. Please welcome tonight, ‘Bitch Tits’ Bobby Dean!
Colt stands from his desk as “You’re The Best Around” by Joe Esposito serenades the set. Colt claps his hands enthusiastically, and awaits the arrival of ‘The Name That Entertains’. The thing is though, Bobby doesn’t come out. Colt shares an all knowing look with the camera as the music fades to silence.
Thorpe: I apologize everyone. Bobby isn’t the most limber individual, and does take a while to get moving. So again, everyone please welcome...BOBBY DEEEEEEEEAN!
“You’re The Best Around” begins to play over the speakers for a second times, and again Bobby is nowhere to be seen. After a brief delay, a stage worker wearing a ‘CWC’ embroidered polo shirt (opposed to a ‘UTA’ staff shirt) comes walking onto the stage. In his hands he holds an empty bucket of chicken, and places it on top one of the couch cushions. Scurrying off set, the song fades out again.
Thorpe: Oh yeah, that’s right. Bobby Dean has been missing in action since October twelfth, hasn’t he? That fateful night in London at the O2 arena where I successfully defended my Wildfire Championship in dominating fashion against the big man.
Colt reaches forward, grabbing the bucket of chicken. Placing it on his desktop, he sits back down in his chair.
Thorpe: The same night that after the lights went out, and the people went home, Bobby was left all alone in his locker room. Depressed, defeated, and all alone. All that we have left of him now is this very bucket.
Colt tilts the bucket forward, showing everyone the empty interior. Grease stains line the cardboard bucket, and crispy crumbs are embedding in the bottom rim.
Thorpe: This was the bucket that held the chicken Bobby was uncharacteristically not eating when I entered his locker room. This bucket that sat on a reinforced bench beside him when I kicked his teeth down his throat, and left that overgrown manchild crying in shame.
Colt clearly takes pleasure in reliving his dastardly attack on Bobby.
Thorpe: And since that moment, I’ve heard grumblings of it being my fault that Bobby is gone. I’ve heard people claim that Colton Thorpe and Eric Dane bullied Bobby Dean out of the UTA. But you simple minded people could not be more wrong.
Colt wags his fingers.
Thorpe: The truth is, it was YOU who forced Bobby Dean to quit the UTA.
Colt accusedly points towards the camera, holding the empty bucket up in his other hand.
Thorpe: This empty bucket symbolizes everything. You people cheered and revered a man for being obese. You made a joke of him and his career. You made him feel like he was loved and respected. But then what happened? He lost at his chance for true success, and you all turned your backs on him.
Colt drops the bucket onto the floor beside his desk, rubbing the grease off on his pant leg.
Thorpe: All I did was help Bobby see what he really was, and what you all really thought of him. I showed him that you weren’t laughing with him, but at him. So everyone, don’t point the finger of blame at me, or Eric Dane. If you really want someone to blame, look no further than your mirror.
Colt Stands from his desk, and walks out around in front of it. Holding his hands together, he tries his best not to smile, but gosh darnit, he just can’t do it. He won’t do it.
Thorpe: Wherever you are Bobby, just know you aren’t missed. Everyone has moved on, and you are but a distant memory. Sorry it had to be this way, but really, it was only a matter of time. So for that, you’re welcome.
The scene on Colt fades out, and in faces a picture of Bobby laying on his locker room floor, tears in his eyes. Underneath the picture, it reads: Bobby Dean. 1980 - 2015.
Fade To Black
"I am not that dragon and you are not that warrior."
- Wondrous Mental Dragon