As Slaughter opened the music of the Lone Gunmen played, and fans mildly stood at attention as they prepared for what was no doubt about to be another strange interview. Instead of the Lone Gunmen coming out however, Doomsday walked out onto the entrance ramp, with each member dressed as one of the Lone Gunmen. Stevie Roberts was dressed as Machina, Stevie Richards was dressed as Rudo, the Surgeon was dressed as Billy James, and Famine was dressed as the Shocker. Also present was Brandi, who was dressed Sid Snow but looked hollow and frightened. Roberts took the microphone and informed the crowd, "Oh you didn't know? That's right... we SUCK!" The Surgeon then fell on his back and pretended not to be able to get up, as Famine paced the ring mumbling "I'll kick your ass" over and over again, and seemingly for no reason. Richards looked at Robert's ass as Roberts begged the audence to vote for him so he wouldn't look even more like a complete and total loser. Famine then took the microphone and told the Shocker to "get his bitch ass in the ring and make him some pie"... and accepted the Shocker's challenge for a match. Roberts then addressed Matthew Zhuk, claiming that Zhuk's win was a lucky shot and the result of referee inbreeding. Finally, Roberts addressed Scotty Cool, telling the fWo champ to "stay out of his life". Stevie Roberts and the rest of Doomsday then informed the crowd that they had two words for them... "shag it".
Fathom came to the ring with the rest of the bWo, who all looked worn and tired. Stone grabbed the microphone when they reached the ring and addressed the audence. Stone told the crowd that her bWo had grown weak, and made the "master" upset with their faliures. Stone informed the crowd that they had been training all night, and would remain focused in the future. Stone then held up the Women's title, and called on VL. Stone told the crowd that VL had never held the Women's title, even though the title was a little like VL herself... everyone has had a turn. The crowd grew silent and nervous at this, fearing the arrival of VL after such comments. Apocolyptica came to the ring moody and silent, and was slow in coming into the ring. Apocolyptica and Fathom locked up and wrestled a slow and methodical match, with both wrestlers using tight submission holds and counters. Eventually the action spilled out of the ring, and Fathom landed on her back. Angered at what she felt was a cheap shot, Fathom punched Apocolyptica with a closed fist, knocking the woman down. Apocolyptica responded with a body tackle and began tossing hard body blows into Fathom. Despite repeated warnings, the two continued to escalate their fight, with both bloody and beaten. The ref then called the match as both fought to the back.
Ground Zero came to the ring looking like the team of old, with Jackhammer singing and Wolf Fang asking about the whereabouts of Fyre. The entered the ring and looked prepared for their match on Friday at Invasion! The Survivors came to the ring along with Plague and in a shocking move, Scott Taylor was also at ringside. The Survivors entered the ring and quickly cleared it with War and the Brawler beating down Wolf Fang. The Brawler started the match with Jackhammer, but the larger Brawler got the advantage with a cheap shot to the eyes. The Brawler was unable to get the pinfall however, and tagged in the even larger War. War chokeslammed Jackhammer, and set him up for a powerbomb before Wolf Fang entered the ring and broke the hold. War dominated the smaller Wolf Fang, who appeared to have had his confidence shaken. War then tagged in the Brawler, who began to taunt Ground Zero. Wolf Fang landed a lucky shot to the knee of the Brawler who went to his back on the mat. Wolf Fang quickly locked in the Wolf Bite, and before War could get into the ring, the Brawler submitted. As Ground Zero made their way to the back, the Dreamers ran out and down the entrance ramp, laying on still more punishment to the challengers at Invasion. Inside the ring, War and Plague insulted the Brawler for his actions.
Scott Slugger came to the ring for an interview with Matt Loco, who was an announcer along with Dick Venom at the show tonight. Scott Slugger told the crowd that the match he had this Friday meant a lot, and that he was going to kick some French ass. The crowd began to cheer at this, and Scott Slugger looked at them in distain. Slugger told the crowd to shut the hell up, and that when he won the Internet Title he would be doing it not for the fans, the country, the fWo, or any other damn fool. Slugger told the crowd that he was going to win the title for one person... himself. Slugger then announced that he had a surprise for the fans, and brought out Chris Finn. Slugger asked Finn how he was doing, and asked if he was okay after such a long trip back from France. Finn started to talk and Scott Slugger delivered a quick DDT. Slugger looked down at Finn and told him to shut the hell up, and that was for letting the Frenchie book Warfare last week. Scott Slugger then walked out to "Centerfield" looking as smug as ever.
Primetime came to the ring along with Mitch Wilson, grumbling about the ShowStopper and complaining about having to wrestle a singles match. Ultra Violet came into the arena looking confused as to how he got there, still mumbling that he thought he lost the match against ShowStopper. Violet led him seemingly to the ring, but then sat down in front of the shiny bell, absorbed with it. Ultra Violet climbed into the ring with a kick in the behind by Wilson, who looked at his watch and pressured Primetime to "just get on with it so we can go drinking". Primetime locked up with Ultra Violet and the two began to toss each other about the ring, with Ultra Violet becoming more clear on the idea that he was in a wrestling match. Ultra Violet eventually ducked under a clothesline attempt and landed a cross-body. Ultra Violet got the two count, then climbed to the top rope. Primetime climbed to his feet, but Ultra Violet quickly hit a flying drop kick and rolled up the stunned Primetime for the pin. Primetime looked confused and amazed, as Ultra Violet mumbled something about winning "Q" matches in a row.
Machina and the Lone Gunmen came to the ring with balloons flying down from the rafters. Machina thanked everyone in the arena for coming to see him, and told them that he had to leave the country for a few days, but would be back in America sooner than later. Machina told the crowd that he was counting on their support. From the audence a can flew at Machina's head, causing him to drop the microphone. Cactus Jack picked it up, and looked hard at the Lone Gunmen. Jack told the crowd that if there was anyone who knew what it was like to be a loser, it was him. Jack then said that even though he was a loser, he was never a crazy nut who dressed up like cartoon characters. Jack said that it took testicular fortitude to humiliate yourself that way, and he was tired of having those kinds of testicles. Jack then told the crowd that he was a loner, and always has been a loner. Jack then took off his Lone Gunmen t-shirt, and walked out of the arena to the stunned and silent Lone Gunmen. Machina picked up the microphone Wednesday and blamed Doomsday for what just happened, and said that his new bodyguard was going to make them sorry they were ever concieved.
Chris Kidman came to the ring with four unknown people. Kidman introduced the crowd to his family, the Misfits. There was Dom Defazio, his bodyguard and former beer man. Dressed in a cheerleader costume, Deborah Charleston was a failed Nitro Girl turned Kidman cheerleader. John, the Dippin' Dots concession worker, and finally, grabbing the microphone and introducing Kidman, Uncle Lonely. Cactus Jon came to the ring and looked at the strange collection of misfits around the ring before climbing inside and putting a blatant choke-hold on Kidman. Jon continued to overpower Kidman, delivering fierce chops to the chest of the champion. The crowd began to murmer as Scotty Cool came out to the top of the entrance ramp to observe the action. Seeing him, Jon screamed at Cool to get his ass backstage, but Cool ignored him. Growing enraged, Jon leapt out of the ring and charged up the entrance ramp, spearing Cool and knocking him backstage. As other fWo wrestlers and security attempted to seperate the two, the ref counted Cactus Jon out and the cameras went off the air...
"TED CRUZ IS THE ZODIAC KILLER"
- Kentucky Tarzan