The second installment of JFK's inspirational show.
Brief static hits the screen before the words “What have you done today to make you #belikekendrix?” appear on our screen to the sounds of ‘Let ‘em come’ by Scroobius Pip.
The background and title quickly alternate between black and red filler. Cutting out to another round of brief static, Kendrix comes into view. His hair tied back in a man bun, dressed casually in a black hoody, jeans, and a pair of Nike Air Max 90s he stands to the left of our screen in front of a UTA backdrop with a huge grin on his face.
To his right, we see a TV screen simply portraying a slide stating “What have you done today to make you #belikekendrix?”. Walking towards the camera with a remote control in his hand he opens his arms out wide in a presentable fashion;
Kendrix: Listen, yeah?! Welcome to another episode of what have you done today to be like Kendrix.
He points both his hands towards his midriff;
Kendrix: The show where the future of the UTA, JFK, will leave the dumb, hygienically challenged, ungrateful UTAverse with actual inspirational quotes from yours truly. All so that You...can be inspired to make your lives ever so slightly more bearable than they currently are.
Tilting his head slightly, his eyebrows raise and eyes widen;
Kendrix: Don't believe JFK? Then take a listen to what a lower than average excuse for a human being like yourselves had to say about last week’s quote from JFK...
The screen beside Kendrix switches on to reveal JFK, dressed impeccably in a Ralph Lauren navy blue suit, crisp white shirt and diamond encrusted watch, sitting face to face with a rather obese individual wearing dungarees, a white shirt with tomato and mustard sauce stains on it from the hot-dog he has in his hand;
Kendrix: So big fat Joe, you don't mind if JFK calls you that do you?
The obese man looks away confused and then quickly back at Kendrix;
Obese man: Ah, well, yeah Mr Kendrix, my names not Joe it's Jerry.
Kendrix holds the palms of his hands up in front of Jerry in an apparent apologetic way;
Kendrix: Please, please, Big Fat Joe, don't call me Mr Kendrix, JFK will do. Now, JFK understands that you don't have a job, any qualifications, a girlfriend and currently live off of the state? Is that right?
Jerry: Uh, yeah that's right JFK. My love life...and life in general, isn't going exactly as I had planned. But I took your advice last week, you know, the quote about how my dreams are unachievable so I should stop dreaming about things i will never have because I'm fat, ugly, lazy and most importantly...I’m not Kendrix…
Jerry, looks away from Kendrix, taking a moment to fight back the tears. Kendrix meanwhile, hops off of his chair and pulls out a handkerchief from his inside pocket in his suit, handing it to Jerry;
Kendrix: It's ok Big Fat Joe, admitting it is the first step. Please, continue…
Wiping his tears away, Jerry then blows his nose in JFK’s handkerchief and offers it back to him. JFK now sat back in his chair, scrunches his nose up in disgust. Deciding to keep hold of the handkerchief Jerry takes a bite out of his hot-dog and continues to talk with his mouth half full;
Jerry: And it's true. I mean, there's this really cute girl who works at the gas station and she's always nice to me. We get along really well. I always dreamed of asking her out. And I was going to pluck up the courage to do it last week. But then I watched last weeks show and your quote inspired me.
Nodding with his trademark smirk across his face, Kendrix embarrassingly rolls his eyes, holding his hand out at Jerry.
Kendrix: Stop it, you’re too kind Big Fat Joe, you’re embarrassing JFK...But tell the people how so Joe, tell the people watching at home.
Taking a deep breath in, Jerry finds the courage to tell his story;
Jerry: Cos it was just a stupid dream! I mean look at me, JFK. I’m fat, lazy, ugly and most importantly, i'm not Kendrix!
Kendrix smiles and shrugs his shoulders as if to say I told you so;
Jerry: So I decided to stop dreaming and look at actual attainable goals. The only way a woman would go out with me is if she wasn't real. So I signed up to one of those Japanese manga virtual women and I'm much happier now and it's all thanks to your words of inspiration JFK!
Kendrix looks at Bradley with squinted eyes in disbelief at his pathetic revelation. Quickly realising that he is in shot he perks up and looks at the camera;
Kendrix: Wow, truly inspirational stuff there Big Fat Joe. Thanks for sharing...JFK thinks? Anyway, that's enough from JFK and Big Fat Joe, back to you in the studio JFK!
Winking at the camera the shot goes back to Kendrix standing beside the TV screen clapping at what was just seen. Turning to face the camera he holds his arms out wide in presentable fashion;
Kendrix: Thanks JFK. Inspirational stuff indeed. Now, JFK was literally inundated with thousands upon thousands of thank you letters from similar lost causes like Big Fat Joe there. Keep them coming in guys, JFK loves hearing your problems…
Kendrix: But now, JFK will dispel another stupid inspirational quote and leave you with one of his own instead.
Opening his mouth out wide brings his closed fist to his mouth and bites down on it in apparent excitement;
Kendrix: Today’s ridiculous quote is as follows;
He turns to face the screen and clicks the button on his remote to reveal the following quote;
Let us dream of tomorrow where we can truly love from the soul, and know love as the ultimate truth at the heart of all creation.
As the camera zooms out bringing Kendrix into view he slaps the palm of his hand onto his head and shakes his head. He points at the screen without looking at it;
Kendrix: WRONG, JACKO! Love is not the ultimate truth at the heart of all creation. JFK very much doubts that the reason the population of the US is increasing year on year is cos of Love.
Kendrix: No, it’s cos of lust and the fact that people are too poor to afford contraception! So people, instead of listening to that dead moon walking bellend, JFK has come up with a more accurate inspirational quote for you all to live by;
Nonchalantly clicking on his remote without looking at the screen, it presents the next quote;
Don’t be a bellend! Get a job and pay for contraception cos you’re creating more stupid people like you. Or better yet, just leave procreation to Kendrix.
Grinning from ear to ear he bows at the camera, waving his wrist as he does so. Arching his torso back upright he points at the screen as the show’s music hits in the background to signal the end of the show is near;
Kendrix: You can do it guys. But if getting a job is too hard? Well, JFK doesn’t mind planting his seed for the good of the country....We’re at the end of the show, don’t forget to get online and sign the #FreeMikeyUnlikely petition. Get on JFK’s twitter page and set the world’s greatest entertainer...in the world,free!
As he walks off set the lights cut and the show fades off of our screen.
""All your base are belong to Gust!""
- Raging Dead