CONTENT

SHIT TALK - EPISODE 2

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Bobby takes a dump, see who he runs into.

The view is simplistic enough. It’s three bathroom stalls aligned one next to the other next to the other. The middle stall is the only one that seems occupied at the moment, as legs appear under the stall door, pants dropped around their ankles. Soon a figure walks across the camera’s view and enters the stall on the right. As he turns around to close the stall door we see that it’s UTA’s own, Mikey Unlikely.

Soon, Mikey has his pants dropped and the two men in the bathroom go about their business.

Bobby Dean: Hi, I’m Bobby Dean and welcome back to Shit Talk. Same shit show, same shit channel, with the same shit host.

Mikey chooses this perfect moment to let out a loud rumble of a fart, causing Bobby Dean to giggle.

Mikey: Dammit Bobby, can’t a man take a crap in peace? What are you even doing here!?

Dean: I host my own show now on the UTA website. Didn’t you see my first episode with Colton Thorpe?

Mikey: Now why would I watch something that doesn’t involve me?

Dean: You missed a good one! I lost three pounds that interview!

Mikey: You’re repulsive, you know that right?

Dean: Speaking of things we regret, do you forgive me for turning on you?

Mikey: No Bobby I don’t. It was a dick move, and you still got one coming to you! If I wasn’t busy right now….

Dean: That’s okay, you focus on your thing. I can wait.
 

Mikey: You are unbelievable, wait... are there cameras in here?

Dean: Only in the women’s restroom. You realize how much those pee cams are going for!? Surprisingly enough, no one wants to actually see me poo… Isn’t that weird? So I keep the solo cam outside, it just shoots the door. Makes for riveting TV!
 

Mikey just grunts, probably shaking his head behind the door.

Dean: With Will Haynes coming back soon, are you looking forward to him kicking your ass?

Mikey: Him kicking my? I think you have it ass backwards Bobby. I am going to end Will Haynes and if you don’t leave me alone, you are next.

Dean: Me!? Next!? Come on Mikey, we’re best buds, you don’t really want to hurt me.

Mikey: Best Buds? You TURNED on me Bobby! Remember the hospital?…. you were there!

Dean: Only for self preservation! I felt really horrible about it, but I didn’t want to die! You would have done the same thing…

Mikey: Debatable.

Dean: Speaking of dateable, can we swap? I’ll let you have BJ Dean for an hour and you let me borrow MJ for 5 minutes?

Mikey: No!! Are you out of your damn mind? I think B.J. may get as many of those as she gives. Mary Jane is mine now, and neither you, nor Will Haynes can have her.

Dean: What kind of food makes you shit the most?

Mikey: Oh my god. This is redi….screw it…. Chipotle Burritos.

Dean: Oh man! I LOVE those things! I double fist those things like crazy!
 

Mikey: I don’t doubt that for a second.

Dean: You shouldn’t! In fact after we’re done here we should go over to Chipotle and get a couple of burritos! I’ll bring BJ for ya, and you can bring MJ. It’ll be fun!
 

Mikey: BOBBY!!!! WE ARE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE!!!!!!

Dean: Pish, posh. We’ll always be friends! I even got you a birthday present!!!

Mikey pauses, a little taken aback.

Dean: But I ate it… So you know, they were the MOST delicious chocolates I’ve ever had! You’d have loved them!
 

Mikey: My birthday is in April!

Dean: Good thing I ate them then! They’d have been expired if I waited until April!
 

Mikey just sighs heavily. It’s a battle he knows he cannot win.

Dean: With almost everyone in Dynasty on Wrestleshow, are you worried about your spot in the group? Being a relative new addition and probably the worst guy in the group...

Mikey: Of course not! Dynasty is a brotherhood! Its THE elite group in the UTA. I have solidified myself as a top athlete.

Dean: Wrong. The most elite group in the UTA is the WTFC! Duh!
 

Mikey: WE’RE NOT A TEAM ANYMORE!!!!!!
His yelling echos in the bathroom as well as into the hall.

Dean: But what about our title match with Team Danger coming up!? We gotta get it before that dastardly Colton Thorpe steals THAT from me too!
 

Mikey: What the hell are you talking about? We are not a team, we will never be a team again, get it through your thick skull. We do NOT have a tag match against Team Danger.

Bobby Dean begins to chuckle as a flushing toilet sounds. Mikey’s stall door slams open and he begins to storm off.

Dean: I’ll see you out there buddy! Those tag belts are ours!

Mikey: STOP TALKING TO ME!

The door to the bathroom slams shut, leaving Bobby Dean by his lonesome.

Dean: That my friends, was one member of the WTFC. Mikey “My Best Friend” Unlikely. Thanks for watching! Tune in next week and see who happens to “drop” by!

 


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