The cameras are rolling but the screen is black. The lights switch on and the picture if filled with the face and mask of La Flama Blanca. "Ask A Luchador" appears over his head.
The Cruiserweight sits on his customary leather couch, wearing a sweater and reading a book. This is not any ordinary book, he is reading War and Peace.
La Flama Blanca: Oh, I didn’t see you there…
He looks down at his book.
La Flama Blanca: A masterpiece… Hola mis amigos! Welcome to another episode of “Ask A Luchador” hosted by The Luchador himself, La Flama Blanca. It’s good to be here, it’s good to be back! Thank you for tuning in!
He puts his book down and continues.
La Flama Blanca: Tonight’s show is sponsored by Smith and Forge’s Hard Cider. Honestly, one of the best ciders around. Pick some up and watch the UTA. Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook. On to the show. Questions, from you, the fans! First question, Voice Over Guy!
Voice Over: Ariana from North Dakota wants to know, ”Have you ever gotten lost in a maze?"
La Flama Blanca: Probably. Not lately if you need to know. Stupid question.
Voice Over: Ray from Florida wants to know, "Would you ever go on Big Brother?”
The Luchador just shakes his head.
La Flama Blanca: No. Next question.
Voice Over: David from the UK wants to know, "Have you ever fired a gun?"
La Flama Blanca: I shot rifles not too long ago with some fellow wrestlers I’ve grown close with over the years. Left a nasty bruise on my shoulder. Hit my target right in the dick! Look!
A picture of La Flama Blanca’s trip to the gun range appears on your screen. Many shots around the genital area of his target. This causes The Luchador to laugh.
La Flama Blanca: Right in the package. Anyway, next question?
Voice Over: Jeff from South Carolina wants to know, "What do you like least about yourself?"
La Flama Blanca: I’m perfect, remember that. Next question!
Voice Over: Danny from Iowa wants to know, "Do you talk to yourself?"
La Flama Blanca: No… there’s usually a camera around. It’s time for the Did You Know Fact of the Day… Did you know that rap battles have been around since the Fifth century. “Flyting”was a ritual in which two people competed by exchanging insults in poetic verse, similar to modern freestyle battles between rappers. The insults were often proactive, and people often accused each other of cowardice and sexual perversion… Seems like times never change. Back to the show… Next question!
Blanca coughs and leans back a bit in his seat.
Voice Over: Derek from Ireland wants to know, "Have you ever taken a personality test? How did the results turn out?"
La Flama Blanca: That’s two questions… But, I’ll allow it. I’m Mr. Personality. Always have been and always will be.
Voice Over: Tim from New York wants to know, "Are you proud of yourself?"
La Flama Blanca: Of course, I am! What kind of a question is that? You people… Next!
Voice Over: Kelly from Texas wants to know, "Do you think people are basically bad or basically good?"
La Flama Blanca: Sometimes things happen that turn good people into bad people. On the other side of the coin. Bad people just get tired of being bad and turn good. Thank you for tuning in… catch me next time…
Cameras fades on The Luchador.
"TED CRUZ IS THE ZODIAC KILLER"
- Kentucky Tarzan