Posted by Webmaster

Peach is back, once again, by popular demand!



The Peach's Predictions logo precedes the opening scene, inside of Madman Szalinski's living room. Ariel is sitting on the couch with Peach nearby. Peach is laying down with her head on Ariel's knee, while Ariel has her nose in her cell phone.

Ariel: Come on, come on, come on...

Ariel throws the phone down in frustration.

Ariel: Damn!

Peach's attention is drawn and she looks up. Ariel glances around, then over at the camera.

Ariel: Sorry, guys. Beta testing a mobile version of Destroy All Klondikes.

Ariel looks down at Peach.

Ariel: Think we can do some predictions without Dad?

Peach: RUFF!

Ariel pulls the two bones out from under the couch. Peach jumps down, her tail wagging.

Peach: BARK! BARK!

Ariel: All right then, puppy.

Conrad Teller vs. The Second Coming

Ariel: Two bones. One choice. You know this better than I do, and I think I know how this goes by now. Remember, Conrad's in charge of the show this week, Peach...

Peach, who had been sniffing at the blue bone, now goes over towards the red one. She picks it up, slowly walking oer to Ariel with it.

Ariel: What? Did you want Second Coming to win?

Peach: RUFF!

Peach wags her tail and sits down, and Ariel pets her on the head while grabbing the red bone with the other hand.

Ariel: I think she's gonna be really good here, too.

Peach: BARK!

Chris Hopper & Mikey Unlikely vs. Nigma & J Stevenson

Ariel: Okay, Peach, don't forget: this is a tag team match...

Peach, sniffing back and forth between bones, ignores Ariel.

Peach: ...ruff...

Ariel: Fine then. You don't need me for this...

Ariel, having been sat on the couch, lays back with her feet up and goes for her cell phone. Peach then brings her the red bone.

Ariel: See?

Santa Claus vs. Uncle Rocky

Ariel throws the bones out, and Peach begins her back and forth sniffle.

Ariel: This is the strangest match I've ever seen on paper. I'm almost afraid. Peach, be careful who you pick.

Peach takes her time going back and forth, flipping each bone over and sniffing it with her nose.

Ariel: I think Peach is the most sensible one out of the entire group...

Peach picks up the blue bone, bringing it Ariel's direction with a tail wagging.

Ariel: Good puppy. What's wrong, don't you believe in Santa?

Peach goes back to the red bone.

Peach: WHINE!

Peach stands at the red bone, looking up at Ariel.

Ariel: I get it. You like Santa too, but you can only pick one bone. Right?

Peach: ...whine...RUFF!

Ariel: It's okay, puppy. Come on, let's do the next one...

David Hightower vs. Zhalia Fears vs Kid Inertia II vs Graham Clauson vs Dan Benson vs Turk vs Lew Smith

Ariel: O...kay...I really got no clue how to do a seven-person ladder match, so I'm going to do what Madman would do.

Peach: BARK! BARK!

Ariel finishes knotting a piece of string hanging from the overhead ceiling fan and lighting fixture.

Peach: BARK!

Ariel: I'm going to hang seven bags of bacon jerky up here, for each competitor in this match, and see which one Peach grabs.

Peach, meanwhile, is going crazy on the floor, running in circles and jumping up.

Ariel: I wonder...

As Peach jumps up (and misses) at one of the bags, Ariel turns the ceiling fan on low. The six bags hanging from the blades begin to spin, leaving the one in the center to rock from the motion of the ceiling fan's motor. Ariel grins a little bit, stepping back to watch as Peach jumps again, missing and falling.

Ariel: This is funny...

Peach: BARK!

Peach jumps again, clutching a bag and coming down with it. Ariel runs over to inspect. By now, a couple of other bags have fallen from their loosely-tied strings. The camera shows that each bag was marked with a piece of colored tape.

Ariel: It's green...

Peach: BARK!

Ariel: Graham Clauson it is. I'll take it!

Peach gets the bag of bacon jerky open, beginning to eat it. Ariel goes to pull the bag away.


Peach: GRRRR!!

Ariel: I DON'T CARE, NO!

Peach: GRRRR!!!!!

Yoshii vs. Kathryn Velmont Thomas

When the title card returns after the fade out and in, Ariel is now holding an upset Peach.

Ariel: Okay, dog...

Peach: WHINE!

Ariel: Come on, I think you're gonna like the next one...

Ariel kicks out the bones from underneath the couch with her feet, one at a time, while holding Peach. When Peach looks out to see the bones, she jumps out excitedly.

Ariel: Is that Yoshii's bone?

Peach: BARK!

Ariel: You think he's gonna beat KVT?

Peach: GRRRR...

Peach makes a bee line for the blue bone.

Ariel: Really, Peach?

With one fliud motion, Peach takes one end of the blue bone into her mouth, and flings it across the living room.

Peach: BARK!

Peach barks at the blue bone, then turns around and jumps onto the bigger red bone. Ariel laughs as Peach licks the bone.

Ariel: That's our Peach!

The Spectre vs La Flama Blanca

Ariel: I know Madman would usually try to trap her in a box or something like that since this is a cage match. But I'm not going to do that...

Peach: RUFF!

Ariel: I'm just going to let Peach do her thing. Okay puppy, you know who you choose?

Peach: BARK!

Peach grabs the red bone, running it up to Ariel.

Ariel: Good girl. One match left, okay?

Peach: BARK!

Perfection vs. Sean Jackson

Ariel: Now, I know you don't like either one...

Peach: ...grrr...

Peach growls at both bones.

Ariel: But it's an I Quit match, so you have to pick one. Okay?

Peach: ...grrr...

Ariel: Okay, puppy...Perfection or Sean Jackson?

The front door opens at this moment.

Madman: Salaam, bitches! I'm back!

Madman Szalinski steps into the house, with a keffiyeh on his head and sunglasses over his eyes. He is carrying several bags of luggage, which he drops when Peach leaps his direction.



Peach showers Madman with licks to the face, as Madman hugs his dog. Ariel shrugs at the camera with a smirk on her face.

Ariel: I guess Peach says 'I quit.' That's it! See you soon!

Ariel stands up to greet her husband.

Ariel: How was your trip?

Madman: You're coming next time. You have GOT to see Saudi Arabia...and the Mediterranean coast that hasn't been bombed yet...

Madman turns to the camera as the scene is fading.

Madman: Hey, did I miss Peach's Predictions?