The following webisode is not intended for viewers under the age of 18.
The Chance Von Crank Show!
"HERE 2 SHOW YA!"
The livewire set fills with smoke. The cameraman uses his shirt to block the smoke from his face. Chance Von Crank charges across the set as the smoke begins to scatter and clear. Chance Von Crank walks out holding a mop. The smoke clears as Crank struts across the set parading in front of the cameras.
cVc: You people are so lucky. You internet nerds give me shit about not working enough well how about me now, assholes? Go tell your mom Chance Von Crank hates your whole fucking family. Nerds. Chance Von Crank with special guest, SHAWN FX!
Crank holds up the mop sitting the handle on the ground with the mop head stuck up in the air. The new mop is clean and white. Crank smirks as he starts dancing the mop around as if it really is Shawn FX. He begins to puppet the mop in a harsh mocking matter.
Mop FX:” I wish my whore USA would stay at home. I caught her long stroking her box with a huge cucumber screaming “More DR LOVE! MORE!”
cVc: FX Mop have you ever finished anything in your entire life?
Chance continues to mock Shawn FX using the mop.
Mop FX: I never finish anything because I’m a quitter.A big cry baby bitch that’s not as good as the Great and Powerful Chance Von Crank!
cVc: Seems legit, Mop. What do you like to do when you aren’t wrestling?
Mop FX: I enjoy mopping up semen from bathhouses throughout the mid west.
The producer begins trying to take the Mop from Chance. He snatches it back and continues.
Mop FX: you can email me at ForeSkinEnthusiast@PenisSore.net and address it to Bleached Butthole Almighty.
cVc: That’s pretty gay.
Chance snaps the mop over his head. He tosses each piece to the ground slowly working the camera for all its worth.
cVc: SNAP just like that another bitch broke by the Trailer Park Prodigy. My point is… I don’t need FX to make money… However… He does need the Shock N Rolla. I just want to hurt him and forget his name forever. I am so sick of these crying bitches who have no business lumped in with the Chance Von Crank’s and Sean Jackson’s.
Crank begins to strut back and forth in front of the camera. He adjusts his rhinestone robe and his gaze goes right to the camera.
cVc: I deserve better. These broke down assholes are all wanting to fight with cVc. J Stevenson included. I am Main Event anywhere I wrestle and that’s because of me not any of these nutsacks parading as “talent”. FX... I want to rewrite history in your blood. I want you to spend the rest of your life regretting the day you ever crossed the Harlan County Devil.
Chance squats down breathing heavy. A small bible falls out of the pocket of his robe. He bends down quickly retrieving it. His gold hoop hits him in the chin as he bends down.
cVc: I will do everything in my power to cripple this man. I will do everything in my power to break this man. I will do everything… to finish this motherfucker off… For Good. I want the entire United Toughness Alliance to heed my warning but respect my rise.
Crank swings his arms out and struts off the stage. The camera follows him untl he is off the set and gone.
- Raging Dead