'Chillin' With Colt' airs from catering with special guest, Bobby Dean!
The scene fades in on Colton Thorpe, sitting down at a table in catering. Behind him, two UTA staffers hold up a ‘Chillin’ With Colt’ sign, doing their best to avoid eye contact with the camera. The room is pretty much empty, aside from a few employees spread out amongst the many tables.
Thorpe: Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the much anticipated return of Chillin’ With Colt! On tonight's edition, we have a very special guest…
The camera shifts to the left, showing a group of employees doing their best to barricade the door. The door pops and shifts, and what sounds like a person in distress cries from behind the threshold.
Thorpe O/S: Hey buddy! Over here!
The camera shifts back towards Colt, who looks none too pleased that it’s operator didn’t stay on task. Adjusting the lapels to his blazer, he rolls his shoulders and slightly shakes his head.
Thorpe: As I was saying, tonight we have a very special guest. This man is beloved by the UTA universe, and has developed a cult following, so to speak.
Thorpe: Don’t you dare!
Colt quickly snaps, standing from his chair and pointing at the cameraman. Again having to compose himself, he sits back down before continuing.
O/S Voice: We can’t hold him much longer!
Thorpe: Just put your back into it!
O/S Voice: OH DEAR GOD!
Thorpe: This man has accomplished little to nothing during his tenure here, but has won the hearts of many worldwide. Please join me in giving a warm welcome to…
The camera quickly snaps to the left, catching the group of men flying in various directions. The doors slam open, and standing there, breathing heavily is none other than...
Thorpe: BOBBY DEAN!
Bobby looks confused as to what is going on. He looks over to the camera and gives a playful wave, and has a slight smile as he saunters over towards Colt. Colt meets him halfway, shaking his hand, as Bobby avoids eye contact, looking every which way to see where the food is at.
Thorpe: Welcome to Chillin’ With Colt’ Bobby, how have you been?
Dean: Ummm...hungry? Where is all the food I was promised?
Colt lets out a small laugh, wagging his finger at the Beautiful one.
Thorpe: Bobby, I have prepared for your arrival and you will not be disappointed.
Colt walks towards his table, pulling a chair out in front of it, patting on the seat to try and get Bobby to come over. As Colt walks behind the table, a cautious Bobby approaches his designated chair. It isn’t until Colt has taken his seat and placed a bucket of KFC on the table that Bobby full on sprints to join him, grinning like a maniac.
Thorpe: Hungry are you, big fella?
Dean: Duh! I missed second lunch for this thing.
Bobby has greasy chunk skin hanging from his mouth, that is quickly disappears with a quick inhale.
Thorpe: Well while you enjoy that heart attack in a bucket, do you mind if I ask a few questions sent in by the UTA universe?
Bobby nods yes, as his mouth is too full to reply. Colt forces a smile at the disgusting sight that is Bobby engulfing the buckets contents. Grabbing a stack of cue cards off the table top, Colt begins to read them.
Thorpe: Bobby, what exactly did you have to do to secure the last entrants position inside the Chamber? Was it x amount of dollars via cheque, or did you perform ‘personal’ favours?
Dean: Surprisingly enough all I had to do was answer my phone. I gotta ask you though, how does it feel to be the third person eliminated in that Chamber match?
Thorpe scowls, but then quickly smiles in response.
Thorpe: Almost as good as it is to be rewarded a title shot against Abdul bin Hussain on the upcoming Victory.
Bobby looks at a grinning Colt, with a chicken leg in his mouth as his eyes narrow.
Thorpe: Moving on, how hard have you been trying to gain that half pound needed to break the four hundo barrier, and will it be your greatest achievement when you do so?
Dean: I’m trying to stay under the 400 mark. My doctors say that if I ever break that barrier I’ll probably die. So with a strong diet and exercise plan I’ve been lucky enough to stay at 399 ½ pounds.
Thorpe: Quite impressive, indeed. I applaud your efforts.
Dean: Thank you!
Thorpe: Next Question! What is the deal with BJ Dean’s adam's apple and her linebacker thick shoulders?
Bobby Dean throws a chicken wing at Colt who easily moves his head to the side as the wing flies harmlessly by.
Dean: My daughter is a beautiful young lady! The allegations I’ve been hearing throughout the locker room are absurd! She may have rather large vaginal lips, but in some cultures that’s a sign of royalty!
Thorpe: Don't shoot the messenger Bobby, these are the universe's questions.
Colt reaches down to the floor to grab the misfired chicken wing. Handing it back to Bobby, he dusts it off before taking a bite.
Thorpe: Oh, this is a good one. Do you ever feel guilty for being as popular as you are when you haven’t done anything remotely successful to justify such popularity?
Dean: I’m sorry, but what was your record again?
Thorpe: I’m 3 and 1, and I…
Bobby Dean smirks, interrupting him.
Dean: I’ve got more than double the victories you have!
Thorpe: And more than triple the defeats…
Dean: Who looks at that anyway? The important thing is people love me. How many ads can Colton Thorpe be seen in? How many illegitimate children have you fathered? How many…
Colton Thorpe’s head slumps down to the table as he begins to snore. Bobby trails off, staring daggers at the man, but then shrugs his shoulders and grabs another piece of chicken. Colt's head bolts up, looking around as if he has just realized he fell asleep. Yawning wide, he smirks to Bobby Dean.
Thorpe: Sorry about that, I think I might suffer from narcolepsy or something. Every time somebody starts flapping their yap about something I really don’t give a shit about, I fall fast asleep. But on with the questions!
Bobby’s eye daggers are still being thrown.
Thorpe: While there is little doubt that you’d be able to defeat Abdul bin Hussain for the Wildfire Championship, do you honestly believe YOU deserve that opportunity over one, Colton Thorpe?
Dean: I don’t really think it matters what *I* believe, so much so as what the fans believe. I’ve had numerous people retweet #BobbyDean2015, and so forth. The people wanna see Bobby Dean in a title match and before this year is out they’ll see it! Whether it’s the Wildfire or the Legacy, or even the World, or Tag titles, I *will* get my shot!
Thorpe: Well isn't that just fan-freakin-tastic. Bobby Dean has fans who retweet his self started campaign. And you know what? I kind of want to see it happen too.
Bobby shares a 'sure you do look' with Colt.
Thorpe: No, seriously, I do. So here is what I am going to do for YOU...
Dean: You have another bucket of chicken!?
Colt looks amazed at Bobby, and the now empty bucket.
Thorpe: No Bobby...I don't. What I am going to do for you, is after I win the Wildfire Championship, I MIGHT petition for management to allow YOU to be my first title defence.
Thorpe: MIGHT, Bobby. Probably not though...
Bobby goes to speak but Colt quickly holds his hand up, halting any words from exiting his mouth.
Thorpe: And with that, we have reached the end of Chillin' With Colt. I'd like to thank Mr. Dean for joining me this evening, and to everybody watching, until next time.
Colt winks at the camera as Bobby awkwardly waves, the scene fading to black.
""All your base are belong to Gust!""
- Raging Dead