WARPED 32 "Ultraviolent Reboot"
Saturday, October 8, 2011 - Baltimore, Maryland - Sonar Baltimore
Its the first show under the new regime of PKA. Commonly known as the "Ultraviolent Perfectionist" - WARPED 32 will be known as the Ultraviolent Reboot. Six of WARPED Wrestling's top stars will face in the main event all at the same time - FnX rules and all - and this match is for the vacant WARPED World Championship. There MUST be a winner!
You open the DVD of WARPED 32 "Ultraviolent Reboot" and enter it into your favorite DVD player. The sounds of "Pogo" by Digitalism play as the WARPED Wrestling logo floats down from the top to the middle of the screen. Underneath that fades in to words "Play DVD". You click... and the show begins.
The show fades in as we see "October 8, 2011 - Baltimore, Maryland - Sonar Baltimore" on the bottom right of the screen.
To the ring where Randy Long stands, ready to announce!
Randy Long: "WARPED Wrestling fans in Baltimore, Maryland, WELCOME to WARPED 32!"
The fans in the Sonar Baltimore club cheer! The crowd is scarce, but passionate in this small venue. Approximately 300 people are in attendance.
Randy Long: "Tonight, WARPED Wrestling presents the Ultraviolent Reboot. The new stand-in President, PKA, has announced that the vacant World Championship will be on the line tonight in our main event! But first, we've got two exciting matches to get to tonight, so let's begin!"
The fans cheer!
CJ vs. Emily Corlen
Randy Long: "The following contest is a singles match and it is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 240 pounds - CJ!"
"This is What We Do" hits and CJ enters excitedly through the curtain. He dances to the beat of his entrance and makes his way to the ring wearing a black wife-beater tank top, Oakley sunglasses, shiny loose leather pants and classic Air Jordan shoes. He high-fives the audience as he makes his way to to ringside. He approaches the middle of the ring and jumps onto the apron, grabbing the top rope and flipping over it into the ring. CJ rips off his wife-beater Hulk Hogan-style and tosses the discarded cloth into the crowd.
Randy Long: "And his opponent..
LOVE... YOUR HATE!
YOUR... FAITH LOST!
YOU... ARE NOW... ONE... OF US!
"Miseria Cantare (The Beginning)" by AFI hits the P.A. system. As the crowd reacts, some cheering, some booing, the intimidating figure of Emily Corlen walks out from behind the curtain. She surveys the crowd with a cold, unfeeling gaze as the lyrics to the song kick in.
Nothing from nowhere, I'm no one at all
Radiate, recognize one silent call
As we all form one dark flame...
As the song continues, Emily begins making her way towards the ring. She reaches the ring and looks to her left and right before climbing onto the ring apron.
Randy Long: Hailing from Los Angeles, California by way of Rockford, Illinois... weighing in tonight at 140 pounds... she is EMILY COOORRRLLLEEENNN!!!
Emily enters the ring through the first and second ropes, then makes her way to the far corner of the ring, where she kneels down, facing the center of the ring while holding the ropes behind her.
Nothing from nowhere, I'm no one at all
Radiate, recognize one silent call
As we all form one dark flame...
As we all form one dark flame!
As the music fades, Emily begins pulling on the ropes behind her, eager to begin.
Tony D: "And here we go, both CJ and Emily Corlen making their debuts tonight with WARPED Wrestling. Corlen, described as a 'Strongwoman' taking on CJ.."
Kris Red: "CJ told me earlier that he is a Reformed Gangster.. Rapper.. and Dancer from LA.. Tony D, this guy has a lot of something going on."
Tony D: "He's a good dancer from what I saw, at least."
The bell sounds and the two go in for a lock up, but Emily Corlen quickly kicks CJ in the stomach. She then rocks CJ with a right hand, then a knife edge chop, and a right hand, and another right hand! She backs CJ into the ropes and goes for an irish whip, but CJ counters and sends her into the ropes. She bounces off and CJ goes for a Spinning Heel Kick but Corlen ducks hits a high Chick Kick!
Tony D: "Emily Corlen calls that the Skullcracker!"
Kick out by CJ! Corlen brings CJ up to his feet and grabs him by his throat and lifts him into the air and chokeslams him down! She covers again..
Kris Red: "Wow this Emily Corlen chick has some power!"
Corlen gets to her feet and looks out at the crowd with her cold, unfeeling gaze. CJ pushes himself up off the mat behind her, and she comes up behind him and grabs him around the waist, then lifts him into the air, his full upper body extended, before she drops him down face first on the mat.
Kris Red: "The Catalyst!"
Tony D: "Corlen with the cover!"
Kris Red: "And just like that - its OVA!"
The bell sounds as AFI's Miseria Cantare hits the PA System.
Randy Long: "Here is your winner - Emily Corlen!"
The crowd applauds and cheers as Emily Corlen has just decidedly picked up a victory tonight in her debut match.
Tony D: "Boy, I tell ya, Kris. Never before has WARPED seen a woman come in and just decimate an opponent like we saw Emily Corlen just do to CJ. Let's keep an eye on her!"
Kris Red: "Oh trust me, I haven't taken my eyes off of her. She's so sexy!"
Taped Earlier This Week
Fade-In, Already in Progress ~
Scene opens outside of WARPED headquarters in Wichita, Kansas. There is a scruffy homeless looking man sitting on the sidewalk leaning against the wall drinking Scotch from a bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag. He has long dark hair, a scruffy beard and is wrapped up trying to keep warm. This is William Wallace. Next to him is Kelly Calloway.
Wallace offers out his bottle of Scotch, Kelly shakes he head so Wallace has another swig.
Kelly Calloway: Well, erm...Welcome to WARPED Wrestling William.
William Wallace: Welcome ae WARPED Wrestling? yeh kiddin me, a have been sittin about fir the last month an a half in this toilet bowl you lot call a country waitin ae get the phone call ae come down here an wrestle. A month an a half has went by since WARPED signed the Scottish Legend, what is the deal with that?
Kelly Calloway: Well there was some problems...
William Wallace: A'll tell yeh what the problem wis hen, the idiots at the top, they guys in there who run the company dragged their heels when it came to signin William Wallace, that ment they were losin more an more money, and when the finally did get me tae sign on the dotted line it wis too late. See Kelly, a am the guy people come fae aw over tae see, a am the guy that gets the inbred yanks out a their cesspit ae a home an intae arenas, yeh think WARPED wis big before, now William Wallace is here the whole place is goin ae get a whole lot bigger. A am a big fucken deal, an the sooner the guys in charge pull their finger out their arse and realise that the better.
Kelly Calloway: How do you mean?
William Wallace: Yeh aren’t the brightest are yeh? What a mean, is that William Wallace is here tae take this place out ae the gyms and town halls, a am here tae take WARPED Wrestling national an international, an that all starts by winning titles.
Kelly Calloway: Well before you can go demanding title shots you have your debut match against Rusty Red, how do you feel going into this?
William Wallace: Who? This is what I was saying before, WARPED management don't seem ae know a good thing when it comes around, have me sitting about doin nothin an then put me in the ring with this idiot. It’s a good job the event is called Ultaviolent Reboot, because when yeh piss me off there it definitely will get out of hand. Rusty will be red by the time a am done with him, head to toe in his own blood. I have been waiting about for this moment for what feels like a life time, come Saturday WARPED Wrestling will see what William Wallace is all about, come Saturday a am goin out to make a statement of intent. A am goin out to make the WARPED roster stand up and take notice, a am goin out to make the WARPED management take notice, I am goin out to show the WARPED fans what they have been missing. The time for waiting around is almost over, the time for taking is almost over, the time for action is almost upon us, the time to fight is almost here. Rusty you better be prepared because when you get out to that ring a promise you son, a will drag you tae hell an back.
Kelly Calloway: Strong words William.
William Wallace: Strong Scotch Kelly. Now if yeh don't mind a am away tae finish it.
Kelly Calloway: Well thanks for your time.
Wallace walks off, again drinking from his bottle of Scotch as the scene fades out.
Taped Earlier This Week
Tape taken from a video promo on WARPEDWrestling.com earlier this week...
Fade In ~ Already in Progress-
Rusty Red was sentenced to jail for two years but got out on good behavior. He has since been deemed as dangerous and out for revenge. He is after all known as a Wanted Man...
Rusty Red: "And now I'm coming back you see..."
Red holds up his old gear as he smiles with patience leering in his eyes. Rusty Red: "I've been waiting for this day to come. Cameron MacNichol decided to get revenge by getting the authorities involved, now it's time to make my mark once again. But that's not all I'm thinking of..."
He would sit in his home pondering his next steps, giving off little to no details...
Rusty Red: "I'm well aware of the changes over at WARPED and I'm telling you now, don't try and stop me. I've got a contract in hand, I'm mentally stable and I'm ready for action!"
He takes a deep breath, stands up and points in mid air.
Rusty Red: "William Wallace will be return victim number one, and from there... the body's keep falling. I will show no mercy and this punk has NO idea what he is getting into!"
Rusty Red vs. William Wallace
Randy Long: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall. About to make his WARPED debut, from Glasgow, Scotland, weighing in at 254 pounds - William Wallace!"
The arena blacks out as the bagpipes tune fill with air, as Flower of Scotland Begins to play Wallace appears, lit up by one single spot light which follows him to the ring. He makes his way to the ring shouting abuse the the crowd before rolling under the bottom rope.
Randy Long: "His opponent - from Red Oak, Texas, weighing in at 255 pounds -making his WARPED Wrestling RETURN, The Wanted Man, Rusty Red!"
"Spolin' For A Fight" by AC/DC plays in the background. The fans come to their feet and watch the entrance way as none other than "The Wanted Man" Rusty Red comes out from the back. He is wearing his torn up blue jeans with a cowboy hat on and cowboy boots. As he makes his way out the crowd is making a lot of mixed noise. He steps up onto the ring apron and enters the ring through the ropes.
Tony D: "William Wallace makes his debut tonight against a returning Rusty Red, and the last time we saw Red, well, he was headed to jail."
Kris Red: "I don't even remember why... somebody send me a memo. Oh and before the new fans write in, NO I AM NOT RELATED TO THAT RED NECK!"
Tony D: "Very well then.."
The bell sounds.
They lock up... and Wallace forces Rusty Red into the corner and drills him with repeated right hands. The referee tells him to knock it off as Wallace continues to punch. The ref counts 1.. 2.. 3... 4... and Wallace backs off telling the referee to shut up!
Tony D: "William Wallace being very aggressive against Rusty Red it'd seem."
Rusty Red then fires off with a right hand to Wallace and Wallace returns with a kick to the gut. William Wallace now wraps his hands around the throat of Rusty Red as the referee returns to the count of 5... 1... 2.. 3... Wallace releases.
Tony D: "Wallace better be careful or he might find himself being disqualified."
Irish whip into the opposing corner.. Wallace runs and Red gets the boot up, kicking him in the face!
Kris Red: "Rusty with the big boot!"
The Wanted Man then hits a Sidewalk Slam on Wallance and mounts him, punching away! 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. 6.. 7.. 8.. 9.. 10 punches! He then begins to choke William Wallace as a bit of payback and the referee tells him to knock it off! 5 count begins.. 1.. 2... 3.. Red gets off and tells the ref to back it up!
Kris Red: "These guys are brawling like its nobody's business, Tony D! Kick some ass!"
Tony D: "They are, indeed. They've both got the spotlight on them now - Rusty making his return and William Wallace making his debut - this is an important match for the both of them."
Red brings Wallace to his feet and backs him into the ropes, then shoots him off with an irish whip.. but its reversed by Wallace and Red bounces off the ropes, back into a shoulder tackle from William Wallace.
Tony D: "And a big Shoulder tackle from the big 6'6" 254 pound William Wallace!"
Wallace looks around at the crowd and they give off a mixed reaction. He brings Rusty Red to his feet and puts his throat over the top rope, pulling up on the rope and choking Rusty Red!! The ref counts.. 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. Wallace steps back, hands in the air. The referee gets in his face and Wallace tells him to "shut it up, ref!" in his Scottish accent.
Kris Red: "You know, this guy looks rough. Is he even Scottish?"
Tony D: "I'm not sure, Kris."
Kris Red: "I hear he has a small psychological issue where he thinks he is the Scottish Legend from the 1300's named William Wallace.."
Tony D: "That doesn't sound like much of a SMALL issue.."
Kris Red: "Sure, but it makes for an interesting watch.."
Wallace brings Red away from the ropes and Red starts to battle back with right hands to the midsection. Rusty Red delivers a right hand to Wallace, then hits the ropes right behind him and comes back into a Spinebuster from William Wallace! Cover!
Wallace brings Red to his feet and grabs him and hits some Trapping Headbutts!
Tony D: "Repeated headbutts from William Wallace! That's gotta hurt him too."
Kris Red: "Those Trapping Headbutts are probably why he's so jacked in the head!"
After about five or six he lets go of Red, who drops down to one knee, trying to shake off the effects. Wallace grabs the hair of Red and pulls him up, and Red reaches up and grabs the throat of Wallace. Red stands up completely and goes for a chokeslam, but Wallace fights back with a huge Glasgow Kiss Headbutt, then positions him between his legs.. Sit out POWERBOMB!
Tony D: "The Freedom Drop! Into the pinfall..
The bell sounds.
Randy Long: "Here is your winner - William Wallace!"
Flower of Scotland plays as William Wallace stands up and the ref holds his arm in victory. Wallace pulls away and looks down at Rusty Red who is down and out after that powerbomb. Wallace heads out of the ring, walking down the steps as the scene fades..
Fade to - Ringside Area - Almost Main Event Time
Randy Long: "The following contest is our main event of the evening! It is to be contested under FnX Rules and it is for the WARPED Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship! Introducing first.. Crowbar!"
"Just close your eyes" by Waterproof Blonde hits the arena as the lights dim to a blue colour. The fans in attendance look around confused as they're not quite sure what's going on. At the chorus Crowbar steps out to a mixed reaction of boo's and confused noises. He looks around and heads down the ramp, walking around the ring to grab a mic before heading up the steps into the centre of the ring, which is surrounded by a white spotlight. He looks around before bringing the microphone to his mouth.
Crowbar: "Well...what an interesting reaction...some still hate me, others aren't quite sure. Why is that? The new music? Not as heavy as you'd expect from me? well, um, surprise?"
Crowbar chuckles to himself then continues
Crowbar: "Look, Warped has had its ups and downs and I'm partially here to address that. Also to address some other matters but they can wait. First thing I'd like to do is congratulate Mr Anthony for finally getting Joey to step down....and before you boo and hiss me, look at it from my perspective as well as your own."
Crowbar stops and taps the mic on his chin, thinking of how to word it
Crowbar: "Old Joey ran this place into the ground. Really, he did. The only reason Warped even exists is thanks to PKA and if not for his contributions, we'd all be out of jobs.....now, that's one thing we as talent don't want, and that's one thing you as fans don't want. We lost good talent because Joey couldn't keep a schedule, he couldn't book matches well, he, for lack of better terminology, fried. This place needed some new blood in charge, and now we have this. Sure, me and PKA and obviously at times not seen eye to eye, well....we saw boot to eye but you know, however, The Movements goal, while broken up, was still achieved, and I'm proud I was apart of that, this era is called the Ultraviolent Reboot, well, I don't doubt it, a si....sorry, i mean 5 man FnX match for the world title? Thats a pretty damned good start if you ask me! Which you didn't, but shit happens. Now fans look at it like this, we were almost out of jobs, some of your favourite talents left, all because the old administration couldn't do jack shit. With Mr Anthony at the helm, talent is coming in, we've got our jobs, which means, you, the fans, have your entertainment. What do you say to that?"
The crowd cheer somewhat enthusiastically at the idea and revelation of how close Warped was to going under.
LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAA"
"She ricochet's!" is heard blasting throughout the PA System as "Ricochet!" by Shiny Toy Guns plays. The new WARPED President, PKA, emerges from the curtain, wearing black slacks, and a black vest over a blue dress shirt. The crowd gives off a mixed reaction as the very abnormally dressed PKA stands on the stage with a microphone in hand. His music dies down and he speaks with a smile on his face.
PKA: "Looks like you're not the only one with new music, Crowbar. And that's fantastic. New music, new clothes, and a new era in WARPED Wrestling, for me and for you, and for the entire roster and fans. I know you were looking for me in the back earlier, but as you might've heard, I've been a bit busy today. There's oh so much to do as Prez, I must say. But one of the things I'm looking to do is making it clear.. CRYSTAL clear, that things are gonna be run the proper way around here with me in charge. And Crowbar, I want to know from you that everything that's happened in the past with us can be easily swept under the rug and not be an issue with my time as Prez of this fine organization.. so fine!"
Crowbar looks PKA up and down and nods approvingly of the new attire and new music. He walks over to the rope and leans on it, scratching his face with thought.
Crowbar: "As you said, its a new day for Warped, a new beginning, and new beginnings for me come with a cleaning. Everything negative between us in the past, is just that, the past. I've got no bad feelings about the past, it's all about new beginnings and looking towards the future, and I must say that I'm glad that this company is going to be run PROPERLY from now on. Joey may have given you until the start of next year, but..I foresee you being President a lot longer than that. I know you have good ideas that he couldn't even dream up if he was tripping on 'shrooms. And just to show that there's no hard feelings..
Crowbar climbs out of the ring and walks up the ramp towards PKA.
Crowbar: "To new beginnings. Let the Ultraviolent Reboot begin!"
Crowbar extends his hand to shake PKA's... PKA looks down at the extended hand from Crowbar, then up at Crowbar's face. Crowbar nods at PKA, insisting that he shake. PKA looks out at the fans as they give off a mixed reaction. PKA puts the microphone in his left hand and brings up his right hand, looking into the palm of it and then up at Crowbar. PKA grabs the hand of Crowbar and firmly shakes it, and the crowd begins to cheer. PKA steps back, but then stops and turns around..he brings the mic up and speaks...
PKA: "One thing that it seems we agree on Crowbar, is that its time for new beginnings. And new beginnings means fresh starts. I believe in second chances, and I'm glad you seemingly do as well. That's why I've invited somebody back to WARPED that some might say should never be apart of this company again... and he'll be in the main event tonight for the World Championship. So its going to be you, Crowbar, the Evolution Champion, Sean Edmunds, Drake Havok, Alexander StarrZoe, Cameron MacNichol and... "
PKA: "... Grendel."
The crowd is shocked and they erupt in boos. "Ricochet!" begins playing again; PKA drops his head and the microphone falls as he heads through the ropes. Crowbar stands in the ring with a slight look of bewilderment, but then nods approvingly and a smile comes across his face,
The lights go out in the arnea a voice booms out over the pa.
Unkonwn: "PKA you made the right choice here, lets if these piss ants know who I am. I was the first Evolution champion and I won the belt three times so I am three times better then Edmunds. I have beaten all the members of The Movement, I have changed the face of FnX in the WARPED world. I have taken Crowbar and PKA to their limit and beat them both in a FnX match. I am the man that sent The Midnighter packing and I am the man that took out Switchblade - I am the one and only monster of WARPED I AM THOMAS "GRENDEL" GIDEON!!!!
Some of the crowd boos and dome cheer as red lights fill tbe arnea and Slayers reign in blood starts to blast though the PA system and Grendel walks out on the stage with both arm raised he points to the ring and then runs toward and slides in under the bottom rope.
The WARPED logo appears on the screen and fades out to a video montage of things the main eventers have said over the last week...
Alexander StarrZoe: "After not hearing from Warped Wrestling in almost a month, new life is suddenly breathed into it? And whom do we owe a debit of gratitude to for bringing back the place we all call our professional wrestling home? None other than PKA himself! The man whom I believed had the personal goal of causing Warped to fail."
Black Screen, Unknown Voice: "So Joey is out and PKA is in now this seems interesting wouldn’t you say?"
Cameron MacNichol: "In just four days, I get the greatest opportunity here in WARPED, an opportunity I've been working towards for the better part of a year. I finally get my shot at the WARPED World Championship"
Sean Edmunds: "Look... You have Alexander, Crowbar, Drake and Cameron sitting in their lockerrooms salivating over the chance to be the WARPED World Champion. Alexander has been giving us his Oscars speech. Crowbar has been going ON and ON about how he’s a concurrent Evolution and World Champion .. I mean, it’s kinda sad, don’t you think?”
Crowbar: "I'm sick of this!"
Cameron MacNichol: "I've been waiting for this World Title shot for the better part of a year. I feel like I deserve it, and I'm going to bring it back home, no matter what. I'm going to bring everything but the kitchen sink, and then I'm going to throw that in for good measure."
Alexander StarrZoe: "I’m the Picasso of violence, I’ve painted more canvas with blood than you could ever imagine, and you’re still a fucking art student!"
Sean Edmunds: “I don’t like it one bit. I’m not in WARPED for PKA’s viewing pleasure. I am not his plaything that jumps at his command. So let Crowbar and Starrzoe fight over who will be PKA’s fuckbuddy.”
Drake Havok: "Starr face it all you got is your mouth and right now it is writing checks your old ass can’t cash so go head smoke another cigarette cough a little harder and pray and hope those old ass joints get you to stand up one more time cause I am going to enjoy busting in your head and then carving you like a turkey fresh out of the oven."
Alexander StarrZoe: " "Don't start fights you can't finish Drake, by the end of the night, you'll be begging for a pine box and a six foot hole"
Crowbar: "Starrzoe, IF you walk out of that match with the title, which I will personally do my utmost to make sure you don't, I want that one on one shot. I'm the master of FnX. around here? You're nothing but a bitch who thinks he's hardcore for winning fuckall matches. Just you wait."
Drake Havok: "Crowbar he is a joke, yeah that is right I am calling you a joke like I always have Crowbar you tried and tried , but I am still here. Then Cameron, yeah sorry buddy yeah we tag teamed for a little bit, but the dream is over I will go though you to get that title. As for Anton Chase don’t know don’t care Sean Edmunds again don’t know don’t care."
Sean Edmunds: "When I am finished with the Evolution Championship, no one will care about the WARPED World Title. They’ll see it for what it is … the second-rate belt in this promotion… handed out like candy by PKA."
Cameron MacNichol: "And when all is said and done, it will be, just like the song says, lights out for Crowbar, Havok, Starr, and Sean Edmunds. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it."
Alexander StarrZoe: " I don’t need the World Championship, but I WANT the World Championship; just so I can hold it above everyone else’s hand, serve as the very epitome of the best in this place."
Black Screen, Unknown Voice: "I see you got a big old six man mayhem match , but one of your little piggy’s had to drop out. Well PKA your prayers have been answered I will step in and I know you want me to step cause it will be a draw a huge draw it will be the most money this shit hole of a place will ever seen and you know it."
Drake Havok: "Now I am done talking I doing this little dance so Starr and Crowbar shut the fuck up and lets get ready to dance cause the Havok Death Machine is ready to mow both you jack offs down."
Alexander StarrZoe: "The punishment I will inflict is going to make anyone that partakes in this competition against me consider early retirement…if I allow them to walk out of the arena. See you all soon. I promise this is going to be fun…for me at least!”
Crowbar: "I've held this title before....win or lose doesn't matter, sure I'd prefer to win, but I've held the World Title. Gun for it hard, don't pussy the fuck out. PKA said it best, bring 110%, because if you're only bringing 100, you're fucked already."
Fade to a picture of the WARPED Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship...
WARPED World Championship - Six Man Mayhem - FnX Rules
Crowbar vs. Sean Edmunds vs. Alexander StarrZoe vs. Drake Havok vs. Cameron MacNichol vs. Grendel
With Crowbar in one corner, Grendel in another, its time for the other four men to enter the ring...
Randy Long: "Being accompanied to the ring by Miss Karla, he hails from Boston Massachusetts and is the current reigning Evolution Champion, "Simply Sensational" Sean Edmunnnnnnnnds!"
The first few guitar riffs of "Brain Stew" by Green Day blare over the PA system. The lights dim and four local area women walk out holding Fourth of July sparklers ... they line the outside of the entrance way ... and through the curtain steps "Simply Sensational" Sean Edmunds. Miss Karla follows behind him and as they make their way to the ring, Edmunds jaws with a few fans. Edmunds climbs one of the corners and throws his hands in the air as the fans jeer him. He hops off, turns around and waits for Miss Karla to take off his robe. She removes it for him and he hands over the Evolution Title to her as she exits the ring.
Randy Long: "From Columbus, Ohio, weighing in at 235 pounds - Drake Havok!"
As Freya starts blasting though the House PA system Drake steps out on to the stage. He slowly raises his left arm and looks across the crowd and then runs to the ring, and slides in under the bottom rope tot he middle of the ring pops to his feet and throws up both arms. Drake then makes his way to the nearest corner turnbuckle and leans against them eyeing his opponents..
Randy Long: "From Detroit, Michigan, weighing in at 200 pounds and being accompanied to the ring by his sister, Dyan, Cameron "The Dirt Mac" MacNicholllll!"
As "Stranglehold" crunches out over the speaker system, Cameron walks out from behind the curtain arm-in-arm with his sister Dyan. They pause, he gives her a brotherly peck on the cheek, and they continue on down to the ring. He slides under the bottom rope, and she prompts the audience to cheer louder.
Randy Long: "And the final entrant - from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 237 pounds - he is the self-proclaimed Most Entertaining Man in Wrestling - Alexander StarrrrrrZoooooe!"
The houselights in the small venue dim as spotlights twirl around the small venue, focusing on the ring and the small entrance ramp. Multicolored orbs dance around the canvas as "Who Shot Ya?" by the Notorious B.I.G. begins to blast through the public announce system while the top of the metal ramp fills with smoke. Alexander StarrZoë emerges from the smoke to the cheers and applause of the fans. Alex struts down the ramp, slapping the hands of a few fans sitting ringside and climbs to the top turnbuckle, staring into the people. Hopping into the ring, Starr climbs up on the second rope, facing the fans, and raises his fist into the air as the fans cheer; "StarrZoë! StarrZoë! StarrZoë!"
Tony D: "And here we have it - Six Man Mayhem, FnX Rules, World Title on the line!"
Kris Red: "PKA won the title at WARPED 31, but due to his new found ownership role, the guy felt it was best to vacate the belt, and he has. And what a way to get a new champ."
Tony D: "PKA calls this the Ultraviolent Reboot era of WARPED - and he's got these six men chomping at the bit!"
The bell sounds as all six men are in the ring and it immediately breaks down. Crowbar and Havok go at it; Cameron MacNichol and Grendel battle in one corner; and Sean Edmunds is backing Alexander StarrZoe into the corner. Repeated right hands to Grendel from Cameron MacNichol rocks the big man against the ropes, and MacNichol charges with a clothesline that takes both of them overboard!
Tony D: "This match is off to a bang!"
Kris Red: "Vacant World Title on the line and all.. FnX Rules.. anything can happen!!"
StarrZoe with a club to the back on Edmunds, and he backs him into the corner and kicks him in the gut, then throws him through the ropes. Crowbar is pinned up against the corner and Drake Havok begins to climb up for the 10-count punches, but after just one punch he is pulled down by Alexander StarrZoe and tossed to the outside through the ropes!
Tony D: "That's Alexander StarrZoe cleaning house right there! He's the only man in WARPED with an undefeated record of 4 and 0!"
Starr brings Crowbar to his feet and Crowbar spits in his face. StarrZoe goes for a right hand and Crowbar ducks and the two trade places.. Starr strattling the ropes.. Crowbar runs at him but Starr drops down and pulls the ropes as Crowbar goes over! Starr gets to his feet, wiping the spit out of his eyes, and he stands in the ring all alone, a look of confidence on his face! Suddenly from behind comes Sean Edmunds as The Sensational One hits a dropkick that sends Starr through the ropes, but he manages to land on the apron. He pulls himself up, clutching his back, and Edmunds hooks him for a suplex and brings him back in! He covers..
Kris Red: "Beautiful suplex into the ring from the Evolution Champion Sean Edmunds!"
Tony D: "Edmunds has been very outspoken this last week about how he perhaps didn't even WANT to be in this match. He's more interested in bringing prestige to the Evolution Championship and making it more important than the World Championship!"
Both men get to their feet.. Edmunds with a right hand on StarrZoe, StarrZoe returns with a chop, Edmunds with a right hand, StarrZoe with a chop. Edmunds returns with another right hand, and another, and a third, as StarrZoe is up against the ropes. Edmunds with an irish whip now - StarrZoe hits the ropes. Edmunds ducks down for a back drop, but StarrZoe puts on the breaks and looks to hit a vertical suplex, lifting Edmunds up, but Edmunds doesn't allow himself to go all the way up. He slaps the hands of StarrZoe away and goes for a right hand, but StarrZoe ducks and then looks for a DDT, but Edmunds counters into the Northern Lights Suplex, bridged!
Kris Red: "Edmunds with the Northern Lights ALREADY!"
Tony D: "His signature maneuver!
Havok runs in and kicks Edmunds in the back, breaking the pin.
Tony D: "The wreckless youth known as Drake Havok breaks it up just in time! Wow! That could've been all she wrote."
Havok brings Edmunds to his feet and Edmunds hits a jawbreaker, followed by a right hand that takes Havok down. Edmunds then goes to the top and quickly comes off with an Elbow Drop! He covers again -
Drake Havok kicks him off! Havok brings Edmunds to his feet but Edmunds once again slaps him away and nails him with a right hand, taking him down. Havok gets to his feet and Edmunds goes for another right hand but Havok ducks and lifts him onto his shoulders and hits a Death Valley Driver! Drake Havok covers..
Tony D: "Havok almost putting away the Evolution Champion there. Fans, you'll notice that for the most part its only two men in the ring at a time and that's legitimately how the match is supposed to go, but tags are not necessary."
Kris Red: "Yeah but with FnX rules applied, who knows how long that'll last!"
Havok now brings Edmunds to his feet and kicks him in the gut, then whips him into the ropes. Edmunds bounces off and Havok hits a back drop! Edmunds up to his feet and Havok goes for an Exploder Suplex but Edmunds escapes and hits a step-up enziguri, followed by a low dropkick to the face. Edmunds with the cover..
Havok now brings Edmunds to his feet and kicks him in the gut, then whips him into the ropes. Edmunds bounces off and Havok hits a back drop! Edmunds up to his feet and Havok goes for an Exploder Suplex but Edmunds escapes and goes for a knife edge chop but Havok ducks that then hits a Half Nelson Suplex! Cover!
Grendel and Cameron MacNichol both jump in the ring with a kick to Havok, breaking up the pinfall.
Tony D: "One fall to a finish! This is for the World Championship!"
The referee tries to gain some order and get only two men in the ring at once.. Grendel backs to his corner and Edmunds rolls out of the ring.
MacNichol now chops away at the chest of Havok, backing him into the ropes. Irish whip from MacNichol, sending Havok into the ropes. Havok holds on and MacNichol charges, only to get boots to the face from Havok. Havok comes at MacNichol with a clothesline, but MacNichol ducks it and then hits a SPEAR on Havok!
Tony D: "The Dirty Mac hits a big spear on Drake Havok!"
MacNichol then hooks the leg...
The Dirty Mac now brings Havok to his feet and sets him up for his trademark Jumping Piledriver until Grendel now comes in and hits a charging big boot to the face of MacNichol, taking him down!
Tony D: "The monster with a huge boot to the face of MacNichol!"
Kris Red: "I can't believe we're seeing Grendel back in WARPED after his actions in the last few months but desperate times call for desperate measures I guess and PKA has allowed him in and Grendel is taking advantage of this huge opportunity!!"
Grendel uses his big boot to push the body of MacNichol to the ropes and out of the ring. He turns around and Havok wails at him with a right hand, and another. Havok with an irish whip - countered by Grendel - Havok hits the ropes, Grendel ducks down, Havok kicks him in the face and then backs into the ropes and comes back for a huge lariat but Grendel suddenly hits a SPINEBUSTER! Grendel covers!
Crowbar is in with a CHAIN to the back of Grendel! Grendel screams out angrily and Crowbar wraps the chain around his neck and pulls him up to his feet.
Kris Red: "Finally, a WEAPON is put into play in this FnX match!!"
Crowbar snap mares Grendel over with the chain around his neck and then flips forward, snapping his head forward and then back.
Tony D: "Crowbar has a lot of experience and wins in FnX style matches, so its only natural that he's first to introduce a chain."
Crowbar brings the chain up and around his fist as Grendel gets to his feet and Crowbar then clocks him right in the skull, sending him stumbling through the ropes and to the ringside area. Cameron MacNichol spins Crowbar around and kicks him in the gut, causing him to drop the chain, and MacNichol is going for the Jumping Piledriver, but Crowbar backdrops him and Cam goes over the top rope and lands on top of Grendel who had just rose up!
Kris Red: "Hey look! Its a Dirty Mac Attack!"
Tony D: "Clever, Kris."
Kris Red: "I try!"
In comes Alexander StarrZoe with a High-angle German Suplex out of nowhere on Crowbar! Crowbar doesn't take much time to get back to his feet but as he does, Starr leaps onto the second rope and springboards off with a moonsault onto the former consecutive Evolution/World Champion, Crowbar!
Kris Red: "Air Philly!"
Crowbar rolls to the side and Drake Havok slides into the ring from the outside and he charges at StarrZoe, who comes at Havok with a big knee lift. Havok doubles down, and Starr looks for a Belly to Belly Slam, but Havok elbows his way out and hits the Havok Driver!!!
Tony D: "Havok DRIVER!! This could be all she wrote!"
He covers Starr -
Sean Edmunds breaks it up!
Kris Red: "Sensational break up!"
Edmunds with a right hand on Havok but Havok blocks it and hits a T-Bone Suplex!
Tony D: "Drake Havok is on his A-Game tonight it seems! Nice T-Bone Suplex, and now what's he got in mind?"
Havok now climbs the turnbuckle and spots Cameron MacNichol and Grendel brawling on the outside and he does something that's out of the ordinary for him - he leaps off with a double axe handle, taking both down!
Kris Red: "Havok!"
The crowd cheers as Havok makes that big risk!
Tony D: "Very out of the ordinary for Drake Havok to take to the top rope but that paid off."
Kris Red: "I think he hit more of the floor than he did himself, actually."
In the ring, Sean Edmunds gets to his feet and Crowbar and him trade right hands back and forth. Edmunds gains the upperhand, rocking Crowbar up against the ropes. Crowbar then kicks Edmunds in the nuts and nails him right an elbow to the back of the neck.. setting up for The Trapdoor! Crowbar lifts Edmunds up into the air for the brutal brainbuster but Edmunds somehow escapes before getting fully elevated.. Edmunds then kicks Crowbar in the nuts and Edmunds positions him and Crowbar 180 degrees difference, now so Edmunds' back is against the ropes, and he sets Crowbar up for the Northern Lights Suplex, and he flings Crowbar over the top rope and causes him to land on Cameron MacNichol, Grendel, and Drake Havok!
Kris Red: "Edmunds shows off his strength there, dayum! He just threw Crowbar overboard like he was nothin'!"
Edmunds turns around and StarrZoe is pushing a table into the ring and also some sort of black bag. Starr slides in and Edmunds puts the boots to him, cutting him off before he can continue. Edmunds pulls him further from the ropes and turns him over, dropping down and swinging repeatedly with right hands to the face of StarrZoe. Edmunds repeatedly punches as fast as he can until finally Starr has to wiggle free and push Edmunds off of him. Starr tries to roll away and crawl to the ropes but Edmunds grabs his foot and pulls him in. He brings Starr to his feet and its evident now that Edmunds has busted open StarrZoe! Edmunds with an irish whip on Starr, sending him into the corner. The impact causes Starr to stumble forward and Edmunds hits a standing Hurricanrana! He then spots the guys on the outside have begun rising up, and he hits the corner, climbing up, waiting for the right moment. Then, he leaps off with a high arching MOONSAULT from the top down to the floor taking out Grendel, Cameron MacNichol, Drake Havok, and Crowbar!!
Kris Red: "For someone who didn't want this title match tonight, Sean Edmunds sure looks like he's putting it all on the line tonight!"
Alexander StarrZoe is the only one left in the ring now as he begins to come to. He looks dazed as he looks around the ring for any opponents. He spots his table and begins setting it up in the corner. He then grabs his bag that he also brought into the ring and pulls out some matches and lighter fluid!!
Tony D: "Oh my God! Alexander StarrZoe has something evil in mind."
"WE WANT FIRE! WE WANT FIRE!" chants the crowd.
Starr sprays the fluid onto the table and lights a match and tosses it!! The crowd goes wild as he looks around for some unlucky victim, then realizes that they are ripe for the pickings at ringside.. All five of the other men in the match rise to their feet.. Starr climbs the turnbuckle... Somersault Splash!
Kris Red: "Here comes StarrZoe!"
Starr takes out almost everyone with that move. Crowbar managed to escape the brunt of it as he brings StarrZoe to his feet and slams his head off of the ring apron.
Tony D: "StarrZoe missed Crowbar and Crowbar is going right to work!"
He rolls Starr into the ring and reaches under the ring and pulls out a crowbar!
Kris Red: "Crowbar with a crowbar! CLEVER!"
He climbs up the apron and climbs the turnbuckle, reading to come down on StarrZoe with the crowbar weapon, but Starr hits the ropes, causing Crowbar to drop the weapon and rack himself! Starr climbs up the turnbuckle and sets Crowbar up for what looks to be a Belly to Belly Suplex! Crowbar headbutts his way out and pushes Starr down to the mat. Crowbar starts to regain his balance and suddenly a chair comes flying into the side of Crowbar, knocking him off the turnbuckle and down to the floor with a huge impact!
Kris Red: "Jesus Tits! Where'd that chair come from?!!?"
The chair came from Sean Edmunds, who slides into the ring and brings up Starr, going for the Northern Lights Suplex, but Starr then elbows his way out of it, nailing Edmunds repeatedly and relentlessly with shots to the back of his head. Starr then hooks his arms around Edmunds and snaps off with an overhead Belly to Belly Suplex, sending Sean Edmunds' body into the flaming table!!!
HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Tony D: "HO-LE-HELL!"
Miss Karla at ringside shrieks out!!
Kris Red: "Jesus! Somebody call 911!!"
Sean Edmunds rolls out of the ring and rolls around at ringside, trying to get any fire or burning to cease. In the ring, Alex StarrZoe shakes off his arm after getting a little burnt.
Tony D: "I cannot believe what we're seeing!"
At ringside we see Crowbar seemingly dazed from earlier and Drake Havok comes leaping off the ring apron with a flying knee to his face! Crowbar drops down and Havok puts the boots to Crowbar, til Grendel grabs him from behind and cracks him over the head with a steel chair. Havok drops to the floor and Grendel pushes the chair into the ring and slides in. StarrZoe drops a leg on the back of his head and brings Grendel to his feet. Irish whip into the corner.. Starr follows through but Grendel gets a big boot up and then grabs Starr and brings him into a big Bear Hug!
Tony D: "The big Monster Grendel has Alexander StarrZoe! He could gain a submission victory with this bear hug!"
StarrZoe reaches out for something to save him but he is stuck and Grendel is squeeeeeeeeezing the life out of him! Grendel shakes StarrZoe around, trying to suffocate the 4-0 Starr.
Kris Red: "Look out!"
From behind with a KITCHEN SINK, Cameron MacNichol hits StarrZoe in the back.
Kris Red: "Cameron MacNichol literally brought the kitchen sink to this match like he said he would!"
Grendel throws the limp body of Starr to the mat and Cameron charges and cracks Grendel in the jaw with the kitchen sink!! Grendel doesn't go to the mat though! Mac hits the ropes and returns with a big SPEAR that takes the big man down! MacNichol with a cover!
Grendel kicks out and MacNichol continues the assault now with stomps to the body of Grendel as he tries to get to his feet. MacNichol then sets Grendel up for a Jumping Piledriver and he hits it!!
Tony D: "MacNichol finally hits the Jumping Piledriver he's tried for previously! MacNichol with a cover..
Kris Red: "My God!"
FLOURESCENT LIGHT TUBE TO THE BACK OF CAMERON MACNICHOL!
Drake Havok is the man in charge of such an assault as he has introduced light tubes into this match now. He picks up another as Cameron, bloodied back and all, slowly rises to his feet and he whacks Cameron in the midsection with the tube and then lifts him into the air on his shoulders and hits the Burning Hammer down onto the shards of GLASS!!!
HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Havok with the cover!
BROKEN UP BY ALEXANDER STARRZOE!
Kris Red: "Blood, glass, burnt wood, and a kitchen sink! This is ridiculous!!"
Starr and Havok trade right hands until Starr gains the upperhand, backing Havok into the ropes. Irish whip.. Havok counters.. Starr puts on the breaks.. Starr brings Havok up on his shoulders annnnnnd... TKO! Starr with a cover!
StarrZoe looks around the ring at the bodies, Drake Havok rolling from the ring, and then StarrZoe heads towards the broken table in the corner. He rips a shard of wood from the mess and holds it in the air as we see Grendel getting to his feet.
Tony D: "Oh, no. What does StarrZoe have in mind..."
Kris Red: "He's gonna use that sharp piece of table damnit!"
Starr with a kick to the midsection and a right hand, backing Grendel into the corner. Starr climbs to the second buckle and begins digging the sharp piece of cut wood into the face of Grendel, causing blood to immediately begin pouring.
Kris Red: "Grendel is SEEING RED!! That is SICK! I love it!"
The crowd squirms and Grendel screams out and pushes StarrZoe away, but he lands on his feet. Starr quickly runs back up and cracks Grendel with a knee to the skull. He takes him the rest of the way up the turnbuckle now, both men wobbly and trying to gain their balance. Starr looks to be going for a Belly to Belly.. and he MOONSAULTS off the top into the belly to belly!
Tony D: "CHEAP POP FLOP~!"
Kris Red: "Starr with the cover!!"
Tony D: "Ooh and at two Drake Havok breaks it up with a chairshot to the back of StarrZoe!"
Havok slides out of the ring and grabs another chair and pushes it in the ring. He slides in and grabs the chair and Starr gets to his feet and Havok drives it to the midsection and then over the back of Starr. Havok sets the chair up in the ring and brings Starr up and goes behind.. Half Nelson.. Suplex into the chair!
Tony D: "Half Nelson on the chair!"
Crowbar with a kick to the skull of Drake Havok! Crowbar pulls the crowbar weapon out of his pocket and whacks Havok over the skull with it, then drops down on his knees and drives it into his skull, causing blood to gush!!
Kris Red: "Oh my God Crowbar is digging that crowbar into his face!!! RED RED RED! Crimson blood!"
Crowbar with the cover!
Tony D: "Oh!!"
Cameron MacNichol with the save, bringing Crowbar to his feet, and Crowbar uppercuts Mac with the crowbar!!! MacNichol drops to the mat and Crowbar picks up a steel chair and throws it on MacNichol, then he grabs another and puts it on top. Crowbar picks up the kitchen sink introduced to the match by MacNichol himself and Crowbar throws it on the chairs/MacNichol. Cameron clutches his midsection, rolling around in pain. Grendel is in.. charging at Crowbar with a big LARIAT~ but Crowbar ducks, Grendel turns around.. KFO~!!!!
Tony D: "KFO! KFO!"
Kris Red: "Knocked the FUCK OUT!"
Kris Red: "OVA!"
Tony D: "THERE HE GOES!"
Just in time StarrZoe pulls Crowbar out of the ring and he picks up a wooden baseball bat and drives it into the midsection of Crowbar and then swings up, cracking him over the skull. Crowbar flies back into the guardrail, strattling it, and StarrZoe grabs the bat by both ends and runs at Crowbar, clotheslining him with it and sending him into the first row.
Kris Red: "Crowbar is going to have a migraine headache for the next week!!"
StarrZoe now slides into the ring with the bat and as he gets up he is nailed with a CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL from Cameron MacNichol!
Tony D: "Clothesline from Hell!"
MacNichol then applies the Stranglehold submission and StarrZoe looks like he's going to tap out!!
Tony D: "Stranglehold applied! Will StarrZoe tap out??"
He then fades.. and the referee raises his arm once.. it drops! Raises his arm again...
Kris Red: "StarrZoe is fading!"
DRAKE HAVOK with a kick to the skull of Cameron MacNichol!
Tony D: "Drake Havok breaks it up!! What's he got in mind.."
He brings him up, kicks him in his groin then as he hits a DDT he pushes the legs out from under MacNichol in the process!
Tony D: "Crown Breaker!"
He then locks in "Riding The Dragon" aka the Stretch Muffler!
Tony D: "Drake Havok is bending Cameron MacNichol like a pretzel!!"
The Dirty Mac reaches out to tap as his sister Dyan cheers him on from ringside.. Crowbar comes out of nowhere and hits the KFO!!!
Tony D: "Crowbar with the KFO~!!"
Crowbar into the cover!
Kris Red: "NEW CHAMP!!!"
NOOOOO! Grendel with a HUGE chairshot to the back of Crowbar!
Tony D: "Not quite! Grendel brings Crowbar up.. hits the ropes.. and here comes GRENDEL with THE MONSTER LARIAT~! My GOD Kris!"
Crowbar drops to the mat and Grendel lets out a primal scream. Grendel quickly brings Crowbar back upto his feet and hooks the double chicken wing from behind, lifts him into the air... SIT OUT FACE BUSTER - Crowbar is dropped on his skull! The camera pans out and we see Alexander StarrZoe with the wooden bat once more and he has caught it on fire!! Grendel turns to face him and sees this and Starr swings it and Grendel jumps back, looking to be frightened by the flames! Starr eggs him on, telling him to bring it, and Grendel jumps back, hesitant to approach!!
Tony D: "StarrZoe has a thing for fire tonight!"
Kris Red: "Grendel looks big and dumb but he sure must not be as he wants nothing to do with that flaming baseball bat!"
The big monster Grendel holds up his hands, seemingly begging StarrZoe to keep away with the fire as he gets closer, when suddenly from behind comes Sean Edmunds who we haven't seen since he went through the flaming table earlier.. he takes the bat out of Starr's hands and Starr turns around and looks like he's seen a ghost! Edmunds hits the ropes and charges with the flaming bat but StarrZoe ducks and Edmunds hits Grendel in the stomach! Grendel drops to his knees, grabbing at his stomach and patting away, as Edmunds quickly realizes what's gone down.. Edmunds looks back at Starr who kicks him in the gut, causing him to drop the bat and it gets kicked out of the ring accidentally... Starr clotheslines Edmunds over the top rope! Starr looks around for his bat but its nowhere to be found. He sees Grendel... Starr off the ropes.. Running jumping rolling Senton Splash!
Tony D: "Philly's Finest connects!"
He then climbs the turnbuckle, gains his balance, and leaps off with The Rising Starr!!! He covers..hooking the leg..
Kris Red: "ITS OVA!!"
The bell sounds! "Who Shot Ya?" by Notorious B.I.G. begins to play over the sound system!
Randy Long: "Here is your winner and the NEWWWWWWWWWWW WARPED World Heavyweight Champion - Alexander StarrrrrrrrrZoooooooooooe!"
The crowd goes wild as Alexander StarrZoe gets to his feet, the referee raising his arm in victory, and a huge smile upon his face. StarrZoe points to the aisle way where the cameras catch PKA walking toward the ring, the World Championship hanging from the grasp of his right hand at his side. He walks up the steps as StarrZoe motions for him to hand the belt over. PKA walks along the apron to the middle of it and brings the title up. PKA motions for him to back up, and StarrZoe does just that. PKA motions for StarrZoe to turn around, and he wonders why. PKA explains and StarrZoe smiles, puts his arms out and slowly turns. PKA straps the belt around the waist of StarrZoe and the fans applaud, along with PKA. Starr turns back to PKA and PKA extends his hand to StarrZoe, but just then GRENDEL cracks Starr with a steel chair, sending him into PKA, and sending PKA through the ropes. Grendel takes the title off of Starr and backs up as Starr gets to his feet.. and Grendel then clocks him over the head with it! Grendel looks at the title, then down at StarrZoe, then to the fans, who are erupting in boos. Grendel holds the title high, standing over StarrZoe. PKA slides into the ring and Grendel high tails it out, running through the crowd with the WARPED World Title! PKA kneels down and checks on the new champ as the show ends...
Screen goes to black.
"I am not that dragon and you are not that warrior."
- Wondrous Mental Dragon