“Yeah maaattteee, I know...uhuh, uhuh, well, at the end of the day, if the bellend wanted to be paid for washing me car, he shouldn’t of missed the spot on me spoiler innit?...”
The brash vocal chords of Kendrix echo backstage as he walks along a corridor in casual get up, headphones around his neck, his phone by his ear;
Kendrix: I don’t know, he was some fat redneck bruv, man was shaking his fist at me like a fool as I drove off...what the f’....
Kendrix does incredibly well to stop mid expletive as he sees something disturbing up ahead in the corridor;
Kendrix: Bruv, listen yeah, I’ll call you back
Kendrix hangs up his phone and begins to jog cautiously down the corridor towards a small crowd of kids accompanied by their parents being greeted by an unwelcome familiar face;
Kendrix: This can’t be right…
Upon arriving he sees that these people are actually wearing special VIP back-stage passes and are queuing up for a quick meet and greet autograph signing session with none other than Lew Smith;
Lew Smith: There you go buddy, nice to meet you young man, enjoy the show! Who’s next? What’s your name young man?
Lew Smith: Nice to meet you Todd, you want me to sign your new UTA shirt for you?
Todd, wearing a toy replica UTA World Championship belt over his shoulder and holding onto his father’s hand nods his head twice shyly before hiding behind his father’s legs;
Lew Smith: Ha! Don’t be shy lil’ lad, you’re a champion aren’t you?
Todd smiles and looks up at his father summoning up the courage to meet with his favourite UTA star, Lew Smith, who signs his shirt for him and ruffles his hair;
Kendrix: What the hell is this bruv? Are you actually paying people to take your signature now?
Lew Smith looks up and rolls his eyes as he realises this interruption is unfortunately from Kendrix. Trying to ignore him, he gestures for the Father to take his kid and smiles at the next kid in the queue to step forward. However, there is a line jumper amongst their ranks, as Kendrix bursts to the front of the queue, turning to face them all with a message;
Kendrix: PARENTS.…Now I know you’re all incredibly poor and have nothing to live for…
He covers his mouth as he begins to chuckle at the thought;
Kendrix: But for the love of Pete…set an example for your kids. Don’t sell out by grabbing a signature and then try and sell it off on ebay for a tidy profit…
Lew Smith just folds his arms and shakes his head in disbelief at the utter gall of the man;
Kendrix: Even though you and your kids have no futures…you still have your dignity…
A rather obese parent, holding a large hot dog with all the trimmings and wearing a t-shirt with “Love Machine” printed on it (revealing far too much stomach than anyone should see), catches the eye of Kendrix mid-sentence;
Kendrix: Well...just about!
While he pulls a disgusted look on his face, Lew Smith face-palms at how someone can be so rude to genuine fans of the business;
Lew Smith: Are you finished Jesse?
Kendrix briefly turns and faces Lew with a raised eyebrow and little shake of the head before turning back to the next kid in line and squatting down in front of him;
Kendrix: Here you go Jimmy;
He hands the kid a card with his photo and pre-signed signature printed across it. But the kid stares at it and refuses to take it;
“Jimmy” My name’s not Jimmy, it's Sammy and I don’t like you Kendrix, I like Lew Smith!
The rest of the kids in the queue all cheer loudly, chanting Lew Smith’s name. Kendrix’s face is shocked and appalled at this child’s revelation. Standing back up he looks down at the kid menacingly;
Kendrix: You little *bleep*, I’ve a right mind to give you a slap…
It’s at this moment that Lew Smith gets up from his seat and decides enough is quite enough and interjects;
Lew Smith: Alright! Enough Kendrix!
Lew slams down his marker pen and walks around the table.
Lew Smith: There are little children present. I admire your courage to speak your mind but damn it not in front of kids. What sort of fandom are you trying to create with an attitude like that? These fans, young to old, are people who have a genuine love for wrestling...scrap that, a genuine love for UTA.
Lew points to the confused people still waiting in the line.
Lew Smith: Over in England, if you recall, football is one of it’s triumphant qualities and there are many football teams that people set their heart’s on believing in. There are children and adults here who have set their hearts on me and I’m taking time out of my schedule to tend to those who look up to me as it’s one of the little things I can do to make someone happy, be it an ornament or something to circulate on crappy selling sites.
Lew puffs his chest.
Lew Smith: Then there are people who go for the atmosphere and the love of the sport. Just like some people here, still in line or got what they came for, they still hold a love for you. So just calm it will you? I know Americans aren’t your most favourite of sorts but damn it, give them the chance to open up to you and you’ll be the one signing autographs. This’ll open your eyes one day. Show a little respect for the fans.
Lew backs off and signals the line to move over to the parallel side of Kendrix, to which he returns to the table and picks up his pen ready to continue his signing.
Kendrix: What? You queer or something? Fans already love me coz of my accent, innit?
Lew continues to look down, carrying on signing.
Kendrix: Whateva maaaaate! Listen yea, I’ve gotta go prepare for my match, right? So you can just sit there in your little queer arse chair signing crappy little-
Kendrix takes a photo of Lew right out of a fan’s hand and crumples it up and chucks it at him.
Kendrix: Queer arse photos of yourself with that queer arse sharpie bullet dildo looking object and shove it up ya arse whilst I go kick some. Later, have fun in your match yeah?
Kendrix begins to walk away, smirking and waving as Lew stands up clutching the crumpled photo, the young child fan in tears hiding away in their parent’s arms. Lew opens up the photo and stares at it before signing it and kneeling down to the child to comfort them, the kid continues to hide away and Lew sighs as he faces the parent.
Lew Smith: Sorry...that must’ve been a traumatic moment for him. Tell him thank you and give him this won’t you?
The parent nods and thanks Lew. Lew looks on in the distance as Kendrix still walks away. He returns to his chair and stares down the corridor.
"I am not that dragon and you are not that warrior."
- Wondrous Mental Dragon