Posted by Webmaster

All or Nothing fallout.

Sitting in the library with a black eye, bruised cheekbone, and cracked ribs once again proves the second rule of Fight Club as correct. I'm ignoring the stares and whispers about 'what does she get herself into on the weekends?' and 'how is she still on Dean's List when she's always out?'

The irony is that if someone walked up and sat down and said 'Hey, how'd you do that?' I'd probably tell them.

All or Nothing has come and gone, and - as is often the case - nobody got it all, OR left with nothing. That's not technically true: anyone who was in it for themselves left with nothing. Still, with forty to one odds against us all, the deck was stacked enough against those of us who didn't have someone in the ring watching their back.

(I'll get to Jimmy and the guy who kicks in a bit.)

Also, Spawn left empty - handed... but are they even a thing anymore?

No, the story of the night was that the top three groups in the UTA took home the gold. 2 Badass 4 a Name did a belt shift, and while I'm sorry to see gold slip from around my girl Zhalia's waist - keep your chin up, chickie. It'll come back in no time.

I blame myself for the rest of our showing. If I'd been able to hold on just ten more seconds, Kush and I would've been in the ring together and could've done more with each other. But there's no use in crying over what wasn't: quite a bit was accomplished.

The Sisters of Kali showed up to slay a dragon, and while the dragon is still standing, it's also limping and trying not to cry. Our work isn't done, but we're off to a good start. Dynasty might still control the UTA Championship - finally, now, known as the UTA World Title - but the cracks in their armor have turned into gaping holes. While Jimmy Witherhold let it be known that he'd tear his partners inside and out to remain UTA Champion, his partners appear to have taken that to heart as well.

Will my new BESTEST BUDDY, The Guy Who Kicks, forgive Jimmy Witherhold for eliminating him? Not only did Jimmy remove his Dynasty partner and Tag Team partner... but he's teamed him up with me as the new UTA Tag Team Champions. Is there forgiveness for that?

As an aside, Guy Who Kicks, we need to discuss strategy. Are you with us now? Am I with you now? Should we keep both homes while we decide? I assume this means I now have access to the expense accounts and executive washroom, and I can decorate all your masks with finger paint.

We need a name, too. Let's combine our family names to create something that's indicative of the UTA as a whole.

The Second Coming and The Guy Who Kicks are now known as #2 Badass 4 Dynasty. Catchy, no?

On the other side of the Ménage à Dynasty, our new World Champion Sean Jackson eliminated Lil' Jimmy Witherhold. Now, while Dynasty still controls the big gold belt, will playing backup sit well with Jimmy? Now that Sean Jackson appears to be fully recovered from his war with the Spectator, the former Champion is now the current Champion and certainly doesn't need to follow anyone else's lead.

Even though she hit the floor first, Kush gets the credit for Jimmy Witherhold's elimination, which is a huge feather in the cap. The title hierarchy of the UTA might make the Prodigy Championship, officially, a downgrade for her but the #KushPush will make it worth more than the Wildfire Title in no time.

And the WTFc has finally made its presence felt in the Championship picture, as Will Haynes was nearly the UTA World Champion, but needs to 'settle' for the Legacy Title.

'Settle.' Interesting word for technically being considered the second greatest wrestler in the UTA, behind only the World Champion.

Would Haynes have won the match if Brother Simon hadn't interfered? Who's to say? He certainly had as good a shot as Jackson, but you can't disrespect either wrestler that fought through thirty eight opponents. The most you can say is that Brother Simon robbed Will Haynes of his shot, and it's a debt that'll get called in before long.

But I need to make a comment to Will Haynes. Champ, you took to the twitters to ask Kush and I and Fears why we didn't save you from Dynasty, calling our "faceness" into question.

I can't speak for Kush or Fears, but I was already in the back getting checked for a concussion. Maybe the question you should be asking is, where were the rest of your WTFc partners? Maybe the question you should ask is, 'Why am I criticising someone for not coming to my aid when I've spent the past six months verbally burying her and wishing for her failure, whether it affected you or not?'

I'm not going to say that, though. Haynes. It doesn't help this company, it doesn't help you and your posse, and it doesn't help me and my sisters.

What you need to do, Haynes - is two things.

One, look at that title belt and be proud of yourself.

Two, try and remember who the real enemy is.

I'll give you a hint: it's not The Second Coming.