And may the odds be ever in your favor.
We're just over a week away from the next UTA pay per view, All or Nothing, and the company is all aflutter with the possibilities. What does it mean? Who will walk out with gold around their waist? How upside-down will the company look after the bell rings?
Little Jimmy may be the Champion right now, but if he draws number five out of forty, he's got over an hour to go to hold onto his belt, and the odds drop significantly. We could see Nigma clear the ring when he draws number 39 and battle it out with Kush in the final two minutes.
You never know.
But, let's level the playing field, and let's not limit this to just who's gonna walk out with the UTA Title. There's six belts on the line, and forty athletes with the chance to win at least one.
I also don't want to talk numbers. Let's give Leyenda de Ocho at number one the same chances, time - wise, as Kush at number 40. Who's gonna do the best?
Let's start with the groups.
The Gold Standard: Dynasty
Dynasty will have no impact on this match. Dynasty currently has three championship belts, and no matter what happens at All or Nothing, the best Dynasty can hope for is to leave with three championship belts. They break even, or they fail.
As a matter of fact, they could be considered failures even if they break even. Little Jimmy has the big belt, Sean Jackson never got his rematch for the big belt, and the guy who kicks people is sitting at the top of the power rankings, and he either wants his buddy's title which makes him a poor team player or he wants to help his buddy retain his title, which makes him a little step-and-fetch-it.
The best part of All or Nothing? No matter what happens, Little Jimmy Witherhold is guaranteed to leave the arena with less gold than he entered with.
The What The Fucks
At the other end of the spectrum, the WTFc has everything to gain and nothing to lose. All three of them (reports of Blobby Dean's lack of participation will be left alone) have won and lost some tough matches, but none of them have Championship gold right now. That's certainly going to change when we roll into All or Nothing.
A lot of the oddsmakers are looking at this as the Crowning of Mikey Unlikely. I can't say I blame them: he's a young, good looking guy with ability and crossover appeal, but by doing that they're doing a disservice to Will Haynes and to Doozer, both guys who have beaten some tough opponents and shown that they've got the chops to make it all the way.
The biggest difference between Dynasty and WTFc? The Coalition is made up of friends, not just three bitter old men with contempt for the rest of the sport. I'm predicting soap - opera levels of betrayal if Dynasty are the final three; I'm predicting grabass male bonding in the form of competition if it's the Coalition fighting for the top three.
Somewhere in the middle, are myself, Kush, and Zhalia Fears. And yes, we still are too badass for a name.
Kush has the biggest advantage overall, with drawing the last number. It's entirely possible that things could be down to the final six or less when she comes out: if she wasn't the competitor she is she could walk out, hand her belt to the timekeeper, enter the ring, walk to the other side, exit over the top rope, retrieve her belt, and go home. She'd get Champion's pay without breaking a sweat.
That's not her style, though.
My partners are both Champions, and all three of us can improve our station in this match. Zhalia and I may not be coming in late in the match (or maybe we will: thanks, Jiles), but the three of us are bound by a desire to see all three of us do well. Other than Kush, however - the opinion at large seems to be that ZF and I will put on a good showing and probably leave empty handed. Doesn't bother me: you don't need people to believe in you to achieve what you need.
Clearly, those of us in the All or Nothing match with clear - cut allies have an advantage over those who don't: at least for WTFc and the Trident, we're watching our own's backs to try and make it to the finals together. Individuals have just as much chance as anyone else, though - and I think we'll see some surprises.
And I think we'll see at least one Championship go to an individual.
Chris Hopper has all the chops needed to make it to the end, but what does he do if he's left in the ring with my girls and I, or Claudio, or Brandy Sutton, or Koresh?
Ocho could take it - if he can last all the way through.
Lew Smith's enjoying a career resurgence that could certainly see him achieve the ultimate goal.
Even David Hightower, whose only goal in this company appears to be to make money as a mercenary - could come out with a title around his waist.
No matter who wins, no matter who places, no matter who shows... the fans are going to get their money's worth. And the roster will make its voice heard.
I am The Second Coming.
"Hope you’re hungry! ‘Cause I got a Knuckle Sandwich... WITH YOUR NAME ON IT!"
- Lunchbox Larry