Soundtrack: ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsIGL1u-k-0 ) ((If you so choose))
The scene opens to an old, beaten up, wooden stage. Traces of smoke whisk past the camera lens as it tries to focus in on the scene at hand. The dirty and dingy location is obviously run down. It looks as if the place hasn’t been properly maintained for years. The camera begins to pan around the room; searching for life.
As it turns, we see that we’re in a regular bar. One like you would find in any city or town across the country. The walls are lined with 8 x 10”s of celebrities who have visited over the years.
Rows and rows of wooden chairs sit up, facing the stage.
Amazingly, people start pouring in. More people than this bar has seen for a long, long time! They begin filling in the back row. Others stand in line at the bar first, and then head for their seats with refreshments in hand.
An old neon sign hangs behind the bar. It reads, “LeeRoy’s Bar”.
Three bartenders, all manning their positions behind the bar, feverishly try to fill glasses as fast as the orders are flying at them. Made to be easily observed, a marquee stands on the inside of the front doorway.
On top of the marquee, with blown bulbs everywhere, is “#WTFC HOF CEREMONY” in glittery, gold text and two lines underneath that, “Open Bar, paid for by #WTFC” .
As the camera continues its circular journey, it comes to rest on the stage once again. This time there is a standing microphone on the middle of the stage. How it got there, we may never know. The lights dim… and people are still ignoring the stage. Finally a looming figure emerges from stage right. The wood creaks underneath his every step. Then a spotlight shines on the microphone and the figure steps into it.
It’s none other than #WTFC’s own, Mikey Unlikely.
Mikey, now wearing a tuxedo, smiles brightly while his eyes adjust to the spotlight. He brings his eyes up to shield his view, while he peeks on the audience. The first two rows, features fans of the UTA, wearing and sporting lots of WrestleUTA Merchandise. Beyond that, are the dirty, the homeless, and the drunk, who came for the open bar.
Mikey: Welcome, everyone, to a one night only, special event! Tonight, we celebrate the long, rich history of the #WTFC!
A random fan from the front row, shouts out, ‘You guys’re still pretty new, asshat!’
Mikey: Thank you! And while it we may seem new to you, being that time flies when you’re having fun and all, allow me to inform you that the #WTFC has been around for a year now! We formed WAYYYYYY back in 2014, and now the new year is upon us! Let me tell ya folks, while we have a very exciting 2015 planned, we’ve already accomplished so much! Tonight, we celebrate those accomplishments!
Mikey pauses for dramatic effect. He pulls the microphone loose of the stand. Gripping it one hand, we can clearly see Mikey’s rap tendencies shine through. As he brings the mic to his lips, he palms the majority of the mouthpiece and speaks through the gap in his fingers.
Mikey: I once heard someone say, "if you're not doing this to get into the Hall of Fame, then you shouldn't be doing it." Well, the only hall of fame she'll be inducted into is the Pornstar Hall of Fame. At least this Hall of Fame has principles, and honor!
Off-stage Voice: Hashtag, respect!
Suddenly behind Mikey, we hear a very loud squeaking noise that elevates in volume as something seems to near the stage. Behind the curtain, about 6 feet from Mikey, comes one half of #WTFC management, The Dude. He smiles and waves as he pulls an overhead projector onto the stage.
You remember, one of the ones you used in the 3rd grade to copy notes from!
Perfection (Farms) remembers.
Mikey: Thanks, Dude! Now, let’s sit back and take a look at the impressive - NAY, HISTORIC! run of #WTFC.
The lights die out completely as The Dude exits stage left. The overhead projector kicks on with that all-so-familiar “WHIR”ing type noise.
Mikey, holding on to 4 slides, fidgets with the focus a few times before getting it right. Like most members of Spawn, this is some seriously dated technology at work.
The first slide Mikey puts on is a copy of the Bobby Dean Craigslist ad... which Mikey responded to in the first place.
He smiles, and looks around the room aimlessly.
Mikey replaces the slide with a slightly transparent image. This time we see Mikey Unlikely stumbling out of a door with Bobby Dean walking behind him. It was a still image of the shemale strip club that Bobby took Mikey to. How sentimental.
Mikey shakes his head before shuttering.
He replaces the slide again. This one, the third slide, is a picture of the Bobby Dean, Mikey Unlikely, and Will Haynes riding in the WTFCart down to the ring at Seasons Beatings with Doozer in the ring..
As he pulls the third slide off, he finally puts the last one down…. It’s blank.
Mikey: You see, I am saving this last slot, this last slide, for after All Or Nothing. When we can get a picture of #WTFC holding all the gold after that match comes to an end!
He turns off the overhead projector to a few random claps, before The Dude runs out and grabs the projector yet again, and wheels it loudly, back from where it came.
Mikey watches him. He goes to speak but is cut off with music.
Mikey: Dammit, Slaw, you’re early with the queue.
The music stops…
Mikey: Coming up first is a man you all know very well. The very first Inductee into the #WTFC Hall of Fame, is none other than DOOZER!!!!
The same music cuts back on, and this time Doozer walks onto the stage from the left. He wears a tuxedo the same as Mikeys albeit a bit bigger.
Mikey is facing the right, still awaiting his buddy, who is waving to the crowd during a smattering of applause. Finally Doozer reaches him and taps him on the shoulder, cause Mikey to spin in surprise. He smiles, and hugs his buddy! He hands Dooze the microphone and fades into the darkness.
Doozer, nostalgia written all over his face, brings the microphone up to his smiling mouth, takes in a deep breath, and says hello in a fashion he hasn’t used for over a decade.
Doozer: THA DOOZE IS IN THA HOOOUUUUUSEEEE!!!
A small group of guys, looking to be in their mid thirties, jump to their feet at the sound of the old in-ring promo intro with which the DREAM Wrestling Hall of Famer always greeted his following. Doozer, smiling wider than ever at the few men who have obviously followed his career, shakes his head in disbelief at the reaction and brings the mic back to his mouth.
Doozer: First things first… Bartender? Throw a round of brews over to that table of fine gentlemen, courtesy of The Dooze, if you would be so kind. Thank you, sir.
The bartender nods.
Doozer: Now, let me begin with a quote.
He clears his throat, pulls out a piece of paper from his right pocket, and begins to read.
Doozer: “This Hall of Fame came a whole lot quicker than the other one. No waiting period. That was a nice award to get. I’m very pleased with it.” - Emmitt Smith
As The Dooze hears his own spoken words, he shoots an inquisitive look toward his manager The Dude. One would interpret the look to ask, “WTF, Dude?” The Dude shrugs in a very it-was-the-best-I-could-do manner.
Doozer: Umm… so I think what I mean here is that…
He catches sight peripherally of The Dude starting to snicker. This prompts Doozer to lower the mic away from his mouth and whisper-shout “I hate you” toward his friend and manager.
The mic returns to his mouth.
Doozer: Th-that #WTFC is the place to be... It’s the here and now of the UTA... And it’s not going away...
The struggle is real.
Doozer: Th-this is a group that recognizes greatness at first sight… and
He can hear Mikey’s laughter, despite him being out of sight.
Doozer: Dude, that quote was legit terrible. How was I supposed to build off that shit? What happened the Bulger - Superman one I had lined up?
By now, nearly all the patrons in the bar can hear Mikey’s roaring laughter behind the scenes.
Doozer: Screw it. I’m gonna go back and drink with those guys. Thanks for coming, everyone. I really am proud of this honor and this group. Hashtag WTFC for life!
Mikey comes back to the forefront, wiping tears from his eyes. After being handed the Microphone from Doozer, he moves to the down and off the stage to the table of thirty-something year olds who initially cheered Doozer’s intro and were still enjoying the round of beer sent their way.
Mikey: Wow, what a speech from the only Hall of Famer coming into tonight! Now a Double Hall of Famer!
Mikey takes a minute, before moving on.
Mikey: Next up, is a man who you and I all know… A man who cannot be missed! A man who is unquestionably Beautiful! The next Inductee, into the #WTFC HOF is none other than ‘Beautiful’ Bobby Dean!
All of the sudden, at the front door of the bar a short, quick, and distinctive horn can be heard.
Here comes Bobby Dean on his rascal. He rides straight up to the stage, and looks around for a ramp to help him to the top. After growing frustrated, he bounces off the rascal… (Bounce is probably an overstatement, but the Rascal did bounce after being alleviated of the large mass). Slowly he climbs the steps to the stage. Dean wears an identical tuxedo to Mikey Unlikely… including the size…
His gut hangs low, outside the suit, his pants only reach his ankles and seem to be split in the back, revealing a big pair of white underwear.
He waddles over to the center of the stage, and as Mikey tried to hand him the microphone, Bobby squeezes the rapper, with a hug, before accepting the mic. Instead of talking he writes on the dry erase board he has been carrying.
“I'm going to Disney Land!"
Doozer stands from the table he’s now drinking at, looks at Bobby and coughs loudly to get his attention.
Doozer: But what about that thing with the kids? You know, that court order?
Bobby holds up his dry erase board its just a sad face.
Bobby drops the mic. Leaving Mikey scrambling to catch it before it falls. No luck. Loud feedback goes out over the speakers.
He grabs the mic before giving Bobby a long, annoyed stare. Bobby slowly walks off stage (as if their was any other way).
Mikey: The third, and most definitely NOT least! We have a man who has come a long way, in a short time here in the UTA. A man who when we formed the #WTFC, we knew we would need someone of his talents. He is our buddy, and yours! Your favorite twitter whore! WILL THE AMERICAN THRILL RIDE HAYNES!!!!!
Mikey turns to his right, this time guessing right, as Will comes out from behind the curtain he wears the tuxedo he was trying on a few weeks ago, in one of his promos. Coleslaw Jenkins walks with him, also decked to the 10s. Mikey greets both men, and then looks confused as Coleslaw asks for the Mic.
Coleslaw Jenkins: T’ank you all! I’m proud to accept t’is award on behalf of….
Haynes shakes his head, and take the microphone very slowly from the grasp of Jenkins.
Will Haynes: Shit down before you hurt yourself, b.
Slaw moves off stage.
Will Haynes: Here’s the deal y’all, I beat Spectre n’ Sean Jackson n’ all I got was accepted into this Hall of Fame.
Haynes with a wall to wall smile.
Will Haynes: Hope y’all enjoy. Have a good night.
After finishing his speech, Haynes surveys his surroundings wondering where Mikey is at so he can give the microphone back. Finally, Will catches sight of Mikey trying to hide himself from the crowd. Haynes holds the microphone out in Mikey’s direction, but Mikey quickly waves his hands as if to say, “no.” Mikey then mouths the name, “Dooze” as if he’s the one who is supposed to take the mic next.
Haynes changes focus from Mikey to those in the crowd. He spots Doozer, still drinking with his old fans and new found friends. Haynes realizes the only way he’s getting Doozer’s attention is with the mic.
Haynes: Uh - Dooze? Could yo-
Doozer slams his active beer (not to be confused with the three in waiting) on the table and stands abruptly. His deep, bellowing voice in no need of a microphone.
Doozer: OH! Right…
Doozer hiccups. They must’ve been having a chug contest since his speech ended or something.
Doozer: Next up the final inductee of the night! The man (hiccup) who was the most UNLIKELY to become a Hall of Famer! He is the (hiccup) future of the UTA, and one hell of a cuddler! The next… ME! This is…. Mikey Unlikely (hiccup)!
Doozer nods to Will Haynes as if it was a job well done, then sits back down and starts chugging away.
Mikey walks back onto the stage from the right, waving to everyone. His best politician smile plastered on his face! He gives a nod to Doozer, who salutes back with the beer in hand!
He reaches the mic, he takes a deep breath before looking over the crowd. Unlikely looks slightly nervous all the sudden.
Mikey: Thanks buddy! I am honored to be here tonight, and honored to be considered a hall of famer finally! Its been such a long and hard road! for several months we have taken the UTA by storm.
Mikey makes grand gestures with his hands, indicating he thinks the months were much longer than they have actually been.
Mikey: Although this is my first hall of fame, I don't intend for it to be the last! For my name to even be mentioned with the likes of Doozer, Bobby Dean, and Will Haynes, is an honor in itself, now you throw in an actual induction? This is a dream come true!
He wipes a tear from his eye.
Mikey: Just… Just…. Thank you!
Mikey walks away, and hugs Bobby Dean who is eating a piece of chicken. A drumstick to be more specific. The scene fades slowly as Bobby embraces Mikey with a greasy hug.
As he reaches around his much smaller buddy, the rip in the back of his pants, rips much further down. We see the rest of his gigantic white underwear, and some of his legs from behind. Bobby is oblivious.
- Raging Dead