CONTENT

Title: Sport's Radio Part II
Featuring: Bobby Dean
Date: 3/13
Location: My Car
Show: WrestleUTA on FITE: Rebirth

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Have you guys ever seen the classic clown car bit? You know the one, where you take a small car, like a VW Bug, and stuff about twenty clowns in it. Then when they pop out one by one, you lose your shit. Well, have you ever seen a 300+ lbs guy driving around in a Scion XB? It’s a lot like 20 clowns stuffed in a Bug.

 

But there I was, driving around in a my bright purple XB, my phone held up to my ear because I still can’t seem to figure out how to sync my bluetooth to my radio. One of my favorite talk radio programs plays through my speakers as I cruise along ten miles under the speed limit.

 

Andy: "You heard it here first folks. KBAD 920 AM SPORTS RADIO! Mikey Unlikely, We want to thank you so much for coming down and talking with us, and remember folks, Don't forget to check out WrestleUTA in person at FWF Studios, in Las Vegas, Nevada, check your local listings. For Steve Henry, I'm Andy Wilson, We will be right back after this word from our sponsor!"

 

A few commercials begin to play as I have still yet to speak through my phone. I’ve got commercials playing through one ear and nice elevator music playing through the other. I can’t tell which one I hate more.

 

Andy: “And we’re back folks! We’re moments away from talking with one of the greatest, all be it, odddest wrestling promoters in the business today, Hen Balkum.”

 

Steve: “I really can’t wait for Micro Mania in two weeks Andy!”

 

Andy: “I know, Steve! It’s shaping up to be a great lineup. Mad Mexx will be defending his tiny World Championship against Little Tokyo. But before we get to Mr. Balkum, let’s check in on the phones, I hear we’ve got quite the backlog after talking with Mikey Unlikely.”

 

Steve: “It really is a shame he only had 10 minutes Andy. I could have talked to him all day long! I mean, we didn’t even touch on his movie career, his time spent in Defiance, or even his current run with 24K.”

 

Andy: “I don’t know if that would have been kosher Steve. I mean, the man was here to promote his upcoming match with UTA… Anywho, let’s go to the phones. Hello? Who’s this?”

 

Jimmy: “Hiya Andy! Steve! I can’t believe I’m on the air!”

 

Steve: “Yeah, welcome to WrestleTalk on KBAD 920 AM SPORTS RADIO! What’s going on?”

 

Jimmy: “Well, I kinda enjoyed your interview with Mikey, but I gotta say, I’m much more of a Tarzan fan.”

 

Andy: “Kentucky, you mean.”

 

Jimmy: “What?”

 

Andy: “Kentucky Tarzan. You see, if he uses just the Tarzan name, he’s likely to get sued by I believe it’s Disney, who now owns the rights to that name. So we’ve got to be mindful that we always call him Kentucky Tarzan, or KT like Mikey did earlier.”

 

Jimmy: “Uhm, okay… Well, I was wondering if you guys were planning on interviewing Tarz… I mean, KT later?”

 

Steve: “NO! Why in the world would we interview that monkey molesting nut job?

 

Andy: “WOAH! Steve, we can’t be throwing the M word around!”

 

Steve: “When was it not okay to say Monkey on the radio?”

 

Andy: “... Anyway, the reason we don’t talk to KT is simply because we can’t get a hold of him in the jungle. Bad cell reception and all. Thanks for your call. Now who else do we have on the line. Hello? Who’s this?”

 

Voice: “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Hi guys! I’m Bobby Dean, long time listener, first time caller!”

 

Steve: “...”

 

Andy: “...”

 

Bobby Dean: “Uhm, guys? Wait, did I accidently hang up again? Stupid fat fingers!”

 

Andy: “Bobby? As in “Beautiful” Bobby Dean?”

 

Steve: “As in super fat, disgustingly obese Bobby Dean?”

 

Andy: “As in FWF, now UTA Hardcore Champion, Bobby Dean?”

 

Steve: “As in sandbagging, super flakey, disappearing Houdini, Bobby Dean?”

 

Bobby Dean: “YUP! And I’ll have you guys know, I’ve been on a diet lately! I’ve lost close to 40 lbs since the FWF closed.”

 

Andy: “Seriously, 40 pounds!?”

 

Steve: “What did you do, get your third stomach removed?”

 

Bobby Dean: “You can do that!?”

 

Steve: “...”

 

Andy: “Bobby, it’s so great to have you on! We just got done talking to Mikey Unlikely, one of your opponents on the upcoming Rebirth card.”

 

Bobby Dean: “I know! It was great! He’s so f**king awesome!”

 

Andy: “WOAH!”

 

Steve: “Hey! You can’t be dropping the f bombs on the air Bobby.”

 

Bobby Dean: “Ooops. Sorry, my mom says I have a pretty bad potty mouth. I’ve been hanging around Cancer and Doozer so long, the bad words just spew forth and I don’t even realize it.”

 

Andy: “That’s alright big man. But let’s try and keep it PG, maybe a little PG-13.”

 

Bobby Dean: “Sure thing! But anyway, I heard that you guys were going to be interviewing one of my bestest friends in the whole world and I couldn’t wait! I was so excited, I almost peed myself!”

 

Steve: “Best friends? Are you sure you guys are best friends?”

 

Bobby Dean: “Oh yeah! I’m even scheduled to be on his podcast! He said he’d try and fit me in before the end of the year. That was back in 2019, but he said definitely by the end of 2022 at the latest!”

 

Steve: “Uhm…. Have you ever thought that maybe you like him more than he likes you!?”

 

Bobby Dean: “Why would I think that!? We’re going to get matching tattoos! He said we have to get a BRUVS tattoo on our butts. It really is going to suck having to face him at Rebirth. Him and Cancer. I mean, two of my most favorite guys in the whole world! Take out Tarzan and put in Doozer and instead of a wrestling match we could have a tea party!”

 

Steve: “...”

 

Andy: “Kentucky.”

 

Bobby Dean: “Ooooh, that’s a good idea! I could go for a bucket of chicken!”

 

Andy: “No. I mean, you have to say Kentucky Tarzan…”

 

Bobby Dean: “Why?”

 

Andy: “Because we could get in trouble. Disney owns the name Tarzan.”

 

Bobby Dean: “Then why did that idiot use it?”

 

Andy: “I guess because Jungle Boy was already taken?”

 

Bobby Dean: “But there are so many more name he could have used! Monkey Molester.”

 

Steve: (interrupting) “See!”

 

Andy: (also interrupting) “HEY! Not the M word!”

 

Bobby Dean: (oblivious) “Captain Vine, Elephant Boy, Loincloth Weirdo, Kentucky Larry, Lunchbox Larry, Alabama Frank.”

 

Andy: You’re right Bobby, he could have chosen just about any other name. But regardless, he’s Kentucky Tarzan, or KT if you will.”

 

Bobby Dean: “Ugh.”

 

Andy: “Speaking of KT, are you ready for your big match against him, Mikey, and Cancer Jiles at Rebirth?”

 

Bobby Dean: “Meh. I think everyone and their mother knows, there are three types of matches that I am absolutely horrible with. 1. Title matches. 2. Multiman-clusterf**k matches…”

 

Andy: “Bobby! We said PG-13!”

 

Bobby Dean: “What!? I didn’t say the f word, I said clusterf**k.”

 

Andy: “... Let’s try to avoid that word then, please.”

Bobby Dean: “Man, I didn’t realize how difficult these radio shows are! How does Mikey do it!?”

 

Andy: “What’s the third?”

 

Bobby Dean: “Third? Oh, you mean the third match I’m horrible with? Easy, 3. Any match my opponent shows up for!”

 

Steve: “HAHAHA!”

 

Bobby Dean: “I’m not kidding. Let’s be honest, I got the Hardcore title in FWF in a segment. I defended my title 3 times, and all 3 times my opponents basically phoned it in. Easy wins. They’re my favorite, but I can already tell Mikey won’t phone it in. He loves gold. Even if it’s a lowly title like the Hardcore title. He’ll want to win it, to feed his frappe addiction.”

 

Steve: “Who doesn’t love a good frappe!”

 

Bobby Dean: “You don’t have to tell me! I love those things, but I’ve had to cut back on them. Stupid diet.”

 

Andy: “So are you worried about your match at Rebirth? I mean, you’re facing each and every one of your “horrible” matches all in one!”

 

Bobby Dean: “I know! Worried is an understatement. I would normally try and finagle my way into a better situation. You know, play on my friendship with Mikey and Cancer and see if we could team up. That would leave me the Hardcore title, and we would beat the tar out of Tar… KT. Which, I won’t lie, the idea gives me a boner just thinking about it. A WTFC/Bandit combination.”

 

Steve: “Can we talk about boners on the radio?”

 

Andy: “No.”

 

Bobby Dean: “WHAT!? It’s fuc, I mean, freaking AM radio! I thought you could say anything!”

 

Andy: “No. That’s not even close to being correct.”

 

Bobby Dean: “Well, I guess the only guy I haven’t talked much about is Cancer Jiles. I don’t really know what I could say about the King of COOL. The guy took me under his wing years ago. I know all his tricks, I know all his schemes, and I know the way he thinks. I know he’ll do anything and everything he can to walk out the champion.”

 

Andy: “So what outcome are you really hoping for at Rebirth?”

 

Bobby Dean: “Besides victory? I guess I’d be okay with Mikey or Cancer pinning Tarzan and walking out the new champ. Just so long as I don’t have to get pinned by my friends, I’ll be a happy boy.”

 

Andy: “Kentuc…”

 

Bobby Dean: (interrupting) “It doesn’t matter! He should have picked a better name! Alabama Sue!”

 

Andy: “Well, thanks for calling in today Bobby! We hope you have a great match at Rebirth!”

 

Bobby Dean: “Than…”

 

CLICK

 

Andy: “And now let’s take a moment to hear from our sponsors.”

 

Steve: “What a shit show.”

 

Andy: “STEVE!”

 

Back in my car I can’t help but shake my head. A frown on my face as the mere thought causes me irritation.

 

“Kentucky Tarzan… Sheesh, what a stupid name.” I say to no one.

 

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