It’s weird. If you stop and think about it, I should have the best body in the business. Fuck 6 pack abs. I should have a 12 pack. Forget the 14” hog, I should have a 2 footer. I could go on and on but I think you get the gist.
Now, why, you may be asking yourselves should I be an Adonis among you peons?
You’d think with the amount of sand bags I haul week in and week out, I should be standing outside of an Abercrombie’s, shirtless, spraying horrible smelling cologne on all the passersby.
I should have an excuse as to my late entry, but the honest truth is, it’s so hard to muster a compelling argument as to why I’m so much better than my opponent, when my opponent is B.R. fucking Ellis! I mean, come on! You give me Shawn Kutter one week, that has me shaking in my boots. Literally. I literally shook in my boots. Couldn’t get the laces tied, had to ask someone who happened to be walking by!
Yeah, you go from one of the scariest men in the business, to B.R. Ellis. Talk about polar opposites! Shit, maybe it’s not too late to bring Danielle back into the fold. I could give her another go?
B.R., you want to walk out of Pandemonium the new Hardcore champion, and honestly I’d love it if you would! Because the novelty of this title is beginning to wear thin. The sad fact of the day is, you’re no Shawn Kutter. I’m not shaking in my boots. I’m not worried that I’ll lose my 3rd place ranking. I’m afraid this title will still remain around this sexy little waist of mine.
But hey, best of luck to you my friend. I would like to see you stick around, but if my track record continues you’ll just be ghost in the halls. You can join Stalker, Danielle, and the recently departed Kutter (who has gone awfully quiet after his loss to me last Pandemonium.)
I guess I should say my Goodbyes now?
Goodbye B.R. Ellis!
Oh and hey Mikey, if you look at the front page of the FWF website, where your latest piece is shown, your image looks like you’re about 300 lbs heavier than I am! Boy did you let yourself go buddy!
"Hope you’re hungry! ‘Cause I got a Knuckle Sandwich... WITH YOUR NAME ON IT!"
- Lunchbox Larry