n a t h a n g u s t . l i v e j o u r n a l . c o m
[POST NEW ENTRY]
It’s been pretty quiet around here the last few weeks. Two weeks ago at Pandemonium… I had a quick match against Michael Byrd. He’s a fun lovin’ guy… and took too much time to have fun. When you’re up against a guy like me… who has devoted his life to dominating this industry… there’s really no time for fun and games. Yes, that’s coming from a guy who once had a farting gimmick… and tagged with a guy in his 90s… and wrestled in a chicken suit… and…
Well… you get the point.
What’s fun to me… is proving that I am the best. Right now, the fans see Lunchbox Larry walking around with that championship… so they see him as “the man.” It’s only a matter of time before I get another shot at him. I won’t let things end the way they did last time. No more Mr. Nice Guy. What I’ve shown in FWF is only a taste of what I am capable of. That’s… actually pretty frightening… when you really think about it. I’ve done some terrible things since joining FWF… and the best is yet to come.
Or maybe the worse is yet to come, depending on your perspective.
What I do know for sure… is that I am in the best shape of my life. My head is clearer than it has been in quite some time. Even that sounds scary… because I still lose time… but… oh, where was I? Last week, there was a debut episode of Recap Wednesdays. It was a damn good episode. Lots of new content. Melissa Diaz interviewed Sara, and the world got reminded just who she is and what she’s about.
Then they showed my FWF debut match against Brandon Moore… where I won by making him run away. He was scared of the monster he was up against, and nobody has been that scared of me since. I wonder what ever happened to him. I think he was in the Wild Card Rumble and then… nothing. If he ever comes back… I’d love to give him a rematch… to see if he can stand up to The Raging Dead.
Jace Wheeler has another chance to stand up to The Raging Dead this week at Pandemonium. Jace is a nice enough guy. He takes care of himself. He really likes music. He’s won a few matches. But he’s lost two very important matches: once to me at Make America Wrestle Again, once two weeks ago against Harry Black. Both have put him so far down on the Power Rankings… that it will be quite a challenge to bounce back.
Beating me this week would certainly turn some heads though. I’m undoubtedly the next in line for a shot at the FWF World Championship. A loss to Jace would destroy any claim I have to a title shot. You could see Jace with a shot before me… and I’m sure that’s exactly what he’s shooting for. I certainly welcome the opportunity to be proven wrong… and maybe Jace has what it takes to finally beat me. Only time will tell...
[POST TO NATHANGUST]
FWF Studios… Las Vegas, Nevada. The man known as The Raging Dead is seated at ringside with his wife… as their documentarian Erik Dean is casually recording their conversation. It all seems a little too staged to be passed off as a documentary… but… whatever.
Nathan: Two days until I get to beat up Jace again.
Sara: Go easy on him, for Steph. She was so scared the last time you wrestled him.
Nathan: Oh, there’s going to be no wrestling, Sara. I’ve got to beat him. Real bad. To prove a point.
Sara: You’ve got nothing to prove to FWF. They know your worth. They know you’re the only threat to Larry.
Nathan: I’ve got to prove a point to me. I’m not a young cat anymore. I have to prove to myself that I can still do this to my own standard.
Sara: You’ve done just fine so far. Your only loss was---
Nathan: My only loss was a fluke. Lunchbox Larry got lucky when he walked away with the FWF World Title.
Sara: Can’t you just admit that he’s good?
Nathan: Oh, I know he’s good. He’s really good. That’s not what I’m getting at.
Sara: Then I guess I don’t understand.
Nathan: I’m not as good as I once was… but I’m as good once as I ever was.
Sara: Is that a line from a country song?
Nathan: I don’t know. I don’t listen to country music.
Sara: I’m pretty sure it’s Toby Keith.
Nathan: I think you mean Toby Klein.
Sara: Klein is a deathmatch wrestler. Keith is a country singer.
Nathan: Tomato, potato.
Erik: Hey, guys… can I get some footage of you guys in the ring? It’d make a good cut scene when we cover your relationship in the series.
Sara: Yeah, sure. Let’s see if he can keep up with me after all this time.
Nathan: Oooohhh. Game on.
Nathan and Sara both jump the guardrail and head to the ring. Sara rolls under the bottom rope and Nathan climbs up onto the apron. He steps between the ropes and goes for a clothesline. Sara ducks under and hits the ropes, then gets in a quick headscissor takedown. As Nathan starts to get up, Sara applies an arm ringer, then locks her fingers with his. She walks up the ropes in the corner, bounces on the top rope and flips off, taking her husband down with an impressive armdrag. Nathan is up and turns right into a kick to the gut and a spike double underhook piledriver. She covers him…
Erik: One… two… three!
Sara gets up and looks down at her husband, who is seeing stars.
Sara: You good?
Sara: You think you're ready for Jace?
Sara: Then let's get you ready. Erik, camera off. I'm going to need your help in here.
Erik turns off the camera… and the scene fades...
h a n d s U P d o n ' t S H O O T
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
Anyone remember Make America Wrestle Again? That was the day where Jace Wheeler and I faced off in the semi-finals of the FWF World Championship Tournament. The winner of the match was… uhh duh… THE RAGING DEAD! Now we are up against one another at Pandemonium VII… and the result will be exactly the same. See, I am on the road back to the top of FWF… to reflect where I am in the Power Rankings. I am the next FWF World Champion… sorry, Harry Black. If I were to slip up and lose to Jace Wheeler now… that would be a fatal mistake and I would immediately be sent to the back of the line.
That is unacceptable.
The pressure is on now more than ever to succeed. Lunchbox Larry is constantly looking over his shoulder, wondering when I will strike next. It’s only a matter of time before we are face to face once again, and I will not forget what happened at Make America Wrestle Again. The same day I beat Wheeler… I lost to Larry. Avenging my loss to Larry is important to me… and knowing that I am not FWF World Champion every single day… is eating me alive. Trust me, folks. I know a thing or two about eating things alive. Jace Wheeler is next up on my plate… and I will not stop until there is no chance for leftovers.
Jace Wheeler. Jace fuuuuuucking Wheeler. The Last Hipster Standing is my daughter’s favorite wrestler in FWF… and that still… STILL… pisses me off. Even after I beat him senseless on Christmas Day… my daughter still… STILL… cheers for him. When Jace beate Blaze Havoc by DQ… my daughter still cheered for him. Last week when he lost to Harry Black… she still cheered for him. Do you know the last time my daughter cheered for her own father? Oh, okay. I don’t know either. She says I’m too scary on TV for her to cheer for. Little does she know… everything scary about me… is inside of her as well. All of my demons… are her demons. She just doesn’t know they’re there… but damn… she’s in for a hell of an awakening one day.
Back to Jace Wheeler, huh. If he put half as much thought into wrestling as he does his workout playlist… then he would have walked out of Beaumont with the gold. He's too worried about his stupid kettlebell to see the incredible opportunity in front of him. All he has to do… is beat me at Pandemonium… and he's got it made. He claims to know more about wrestling than anyone… but that's just not true. I've forgotten more about wrestling that Jace will ever know.
I'm not here to intimidate you with how much of a badass I am, Jace. I'm here to help prepare you for the mental… physical… emotional… and spiritual torment you will experience during and after our match at Pandemonium. I know you think you're super cool and you're Mr. Independent. All of the bridges you've burned will be nothing compared to the aftermath of our match this week. Try to keep your eyes open… your mouth shut… and your head down.
You'll be just fine, kid.
"JESUS SHIT TITS"
- Kentucky Tarzan