Title: I am The Lostbox
Featuring: Lunchbox Larry
Date: 2/3/20
Location: Somewhere in Las Vegas

I am Larry’s sudden state of euphoria.

I’m the result of increased attention stemming from a title win. Anyone fortunate enough to find themselves with a top tier title knows the feeling well. For a freshly turned 24 year old, who spent the majority of his life knowing nothing but hard labor in rural Maine, holding that type of championship for a wrestling federation based in Las Vegas… well, it’s nothing short of shell shocking.

“I saw the guy at the TAO Nightclub one night. Can’t remember which… but I remember him. Dude was huge. Tooth missin’ in the front, right? Big, gold belt? Yeah, that’s him. Seemed pretty wasted, but come to think of it… never actually saw him drinkin’. I dunno. Didn’t cause any issues, though. And that’s usually the worry with his type. People trying to pick fights, trying to prove something. Not him, though. Just left after a while, like any regular person.”

- Some red-headed, goatee’d dude wearing a sparky, purply jacket.

Multiple other reports corroborate the fact that a muscle-bound, mountain of a man missing a front tooth was gallivanting about sin city. No reported incidents, though...

I am Larry’s struggling liver.

I’m the reason Larry called his mom the morning after the TAO Nightclub scene. I sent the signals to his booze-soaked brain telling him to question the essence of his being.I took a worse beating on his behalf than Kenneth Williams when he took that one last step toward his FWF Championship match.

“Hey, honey. I’m so sorry I missed your call early this morning. Not like anyone to call us at that time o’ day, ya know? Well I hope it wasn’t anything too important, dearie. I’m sure it’s not, or you woulda picked up. Anywho, make sure to give your momma a call back as soon as you can so she doesn’t go on worrying for too long. You know we’re always thinking about you back here and I make sure your stubborn, old father doesn’t miss one of your fightin’ shows on that app you set us up on!”

-Larry’s mom, probably

I am Larry’s horrible hangover.

I’m the result of having a little too much fun last night. And sugary drinks. When you’re as large as The Lunchbox, you can drink those pink concoctions without reprise. I’m also the reason Larry is questioning every life decision he’s ever made to date.

“You mean the guy who looked like he fell straight out of one of those Truth commercials? And I’m talking about one of the losers melting into the couch after smoking too much of the wacky. Guy was a giant, but looked so weak when he stumbled in a strong breeze coulda blown him over. Ate enough eggs and bacon to feed a friggin’ army, though. And left a great tip!”

-Random waitress at Vickie’s Diner

I am Larry’s relentless regret.

I’m the reason for this:

“Hey, ma. Sorry I missed your call. Been pretty busy out here. It’s way different than home. I still can’t figure out when people sleep. Don’t worry, though. I’ll find the balance. I always do. I just gotta my feet under me. Sometimes I look at my belt and still can’t figure out how I won it. I know you say I always downplay myself, but I don’t know. This Harry Black guy looks legit, and he lost to Whitey McBitey. I know I technically beat Whitey, but… I dunno… it almost feels like he let me? I know that makes zero sense, but it’s just… well he makes zero sense so it kinda fits. Anyway, the more I ramble on the more worked up I’m getting. I should prob’ly just get back to the gym and work these feelings out. Love ya.”

-Lunchbox Larry, sadly

I am Larry’s fear of the undead.

I keep Larry up at night. He even checks under his bed, and in the closets, just to make sure I’m not there. But I’m always with him. He’s even starting to hear me in his thoughts now. It won’t be long now. I just hope Harry Black doesn’t ruin the fun.

“Mrs. LaVeen? Yes. Yes, this is about your son Larry. No. No need to come all the way here. I just felt the need to make a courtesy call, more than anything. You see, your son has been exhibiting some odd signs of potential mental health issues. I believe, at this point, that the cause is some kind of insomnia. Severe lack of sleep can sometimes lead to different types of hallucinations. Yes, I understand that it sounds scary, but we get a lot of this out here, Mrs. LaVeen. I will make sure to keep you abreast of your son’s condition, but I assure you he is not at an immediate risk level to where I’d suggest you fly out. Feel free to reach out to me whenever you have any elevated concerns. Thank you.”

-Larry’s therapist, I guess

I am Larry’s reinvigorated resolve.

I grew stronger than the fear. I scared the boogeyman out of his brain. All my base is belong to Harry Black.

Instead of the voices, now I wake him up before the sun and send him to the gym. I force him to belt out that extra set. I motivate him to hammer out one more HIIT routine. 

I’m making him as robust as he looks.

“Been runnin’ this place for over two decades. Boxers, wrestlers, Olympic athletes… seen countless elite athletes go in and out those doors. Never seen anyone work like that dude carrying the orange box. Guy was an absolute machine. Thought he was gonna break my resistance belts, at one point. Never had to worry about that before. No clue where he’s at now, but I wouldn’t want to be on his bad side that’s for sure.”

-Manager of Las Vegas Athletic Clubs - Northwest

I am the memory of Larry’s missing tooth.

I recall the course of events that led to the FWF Champion’s distinct smile. I still see the approaching fist in super slow motion. I understand how Harry Black could lead to my recurrence. My existence will prevent such an event.

I whistle while he works.

“There were plenty of options for this, Mr. LaVeen. Gone are the days of the replacements that could be spotted a mile away. Most people have fake teeth and no one is the wiser unless they’re told! He just flat out refused. Wanted to make sure he never forgot that it happened, so he’d remember where he went wrong. Kid’s as stubborn as a mule. Good thing he’s as tough as an ox.”

-Larry’s dentist named Krentist

And I am Larry’s bright, blue eyes.

I’ve never been more focused.

All I see right now… is Hieronymus.

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