Zoom in on a video screen showing the latest Kentucky Tarzan promo. As his rambling comes to an end, the screen zero's out to black. The camera view zooms back, revealing the video had been playing on a TV with B.R. Ellis standing in front of it. A group of children surround Ellis, all sitting Indian style in a class room. B.R. Ellis motions for them to settle down. They are all very young, but giving him their attention fully.
Ellis: That kids, is why we don't do crack. Any questions?
All of the kid's hands go up. B.R. points at one.
Ellis: You. Whatcha got?
The kid stands up, fumbling with his pockets.
Kid #1: Why's that guy so weird?
He points at another hand raised.
Ellis: You, in the blue shirt.
The second kid excitedly responds, leaping to his feet quickly, while standing straight up.
Kid #2: Do they have jungles in Kentucky?
Kid #2: Then why is his name Tarzan?
B.R. thinks for a moment. He'd actually never thought to ask himself this, but it is a very logical question.
He looks across the kids, trying to pick fairly.
Ellis: You there, girl in the purple sweater.
The little girl wipes her nose and stands up. B.R. looks at her as if to say 'go on.'
Kid #3: If I do drugs will I grow up to be like him?
Kid #3: Oh no! Drugs are bad!
Ellis: They sure are.
She sits back down as B.R. places his hands on his hips. He cracks a smile and visually inspects the children.
Ellis: We have time for one more question.
Placing his hand over his eyebrows, he glances across the room until he sees a kid in the back, slightly away from everyone else.
Ellis: You in the corner.
The kid stands up. He smiles real big as he looks at B.R.
Kid #4: He's funny. I like him.
Ellis: That's not really a question.
Kid #4: Where do babies come from?
B.R. looks confused, pausing before answering.
Ellis: Umm... drugs?
The door swings open and what appears to be a teacher and two security guards run in.
Teacher: There he is! This lunatic just came in here and forced the kids to endure some inappropriate video! Get him!
B.R. looks surprised.
Ellis: Wait.. this isn't Mrs. Cundiff's third grade class is it? I'm supposed to be doing a D.A.R.E presentation.
The guards move toward him.
Teacher: Sir, this is first grade and as I already told you, we don't discuss drugs in school nor is there a Mrs. Cundiff!
Ellis: No Mrs. Cundiff? Weird.
As the security guards go to grab B.R. Ellis, he quickly moves to the side and runs to the door. As he reaches it, he stops and turns around.
Ellis: What did we learn here today kids?
Kids: DON'T DO DRUGS!
Ellis: Good job!
The guards chase B.R. out of the room and down the hall.
- Raging Dead