The screen is black. An overlay of a Play button sits in front of you as you are used to with every streaming media site you see on the internet. It's now time for the much anticipated, next episode of Livewire....
As you click the button, the stream loads. The United Toughness Alliance logo comes across the screen in a metallic outline, before it begins to shake. An electronic charge outlines the logo before it begins to break apart.
Finally, the logo explodes and the Livewire logo burst through. It pulsates as if to signify a heart beat before fading out. We are welcomed to an outside shot of downtown Seattle, WA. Busses drive by, people cross streets.
The Space Needle stands tall over the horizon before we fade into a shot of the world famous EMP Museum followed by a trip on the water in one of the tourist filled Duck Tour boats. Finally, we are outside the 42 floor Fourth & Madison building where the UTA host it's offices and new studio. We get a shot of the reception area, welcoming us to the floor.
We get different shots of the office with different superstars in inaudible situations, smiling, laughing, and spending time with the staff of the UTA. These are the people that keep things going. Finally we get a wide shot of the Livewire studio. The camera moves in to sit on Jennifer Williams and 'Rumor Man' Stan Davis, sitting at the Livewire news desk.
Stan: Welcome back everybody to the new, bi-weekly, thirty minute show.. Livewire. I'm Stan Davis, known to you as the Dirt Sheet's Rumor Man Stan. Sitting beside me is the lovely as ever, Jennifer Williams.
Williams: Why thank you Stan, I'm glad to be here.
Stan: Tonight we're going to hear from some of our superstars about their upcoming matches as we head into the next exciting edition of Wrestleshow.
Williams: It's exciting times to be apart of the United Toughness Alliance as we continue on to reclaim out spot at the top of professional wrestling world.
Stan: That's right Jennifer. The UTA at one time was the largest promotion in the world, but after years of legal battles following the untimely passing of Eddie Peterson Sr., we once again return to set the professional wrestling world on fire.
Stan: But for now Jennifer... YUTA Superstar, La Flama Blanca, has provided us with an exciting new Livewire segment called 'Ask a Luchador.'
Williams: This should be fun!
Stan: Lets roll that footage now.
We fade into a shot of Dick Fury in an empty ring. It is obviously a small venue as the seats are close. The camera zooms in on him.
Fury: Do you like Dick?
A giant YES zooms in and hits the screen before going away.
Fury: Do you want to tell the world how much you enjoy Dick?
Another YES swoops in from the side of screen and continues as it heads out the other side.
Fury: Then put Dick on your chest! That's right. For the low price of twenty nine ninety five you too can join the millions who have already put Dick on their chest and purchase of the two new Dick Fury t-shirts!
We get a shot of the shirts.
Fury: In both mens, and womens, from size zero to XXXL for those big and beautiful bitches who love Dick on their chest... the new officially licensed Dick Fury t-shirts.
A number comes across the screen.
Fury: So put Dick on your chest and call 1-800-GiveMeD today! Kids... don't bother asking your parents.. you too can get Dick on your chest! Just call and charge it to your parent's phone bill!
We switch to a busty blonde woman wearing a Dick Fury shirt.
Woman: I love Dick!
She jumps up and down before we go to a very good looking man, also wearing a Dick Fury shirt.
Man: I really... REALLY.. like Dick.
We head back to Fury.
Fury: So if you like Dick, like these two like Dick.. get your own Dick Fury shirt today as supplies are limited!
A small print warning comes up. It goes back very quick, but we can only assume it says that kids should not call and charge shirts to their parent's phone bills.
The camera comes to life with Jamie Sawyers standing in front of the Wrestle UTA Livewire banner.
As he begins to speak, the UTA Champion steps alongside him.
Sawyers: Ladies and gentlemen...
Before Sawyers can get any further, Sean Jackson starts mean mugging him, making the situation very uncomfortable. It gets even worse when Marshall Owens steps into the shot, handing Sean a steel folding chair.
Sawyers: Forget it. I'm out of here.
As Sawyers steps away, Sean Jackson keeps looking in his direction.
Jackson: Wise decision.
He then turns his attention to the camera.
Jackson: Now then, getting down to business. First things first, Abdul bin Hussain. You've got a lot of nerve getting involved in my match against IM Hate. Jumping me from behind in Buffalo, thinking that it could EVER put you in the drivers seat for the world heavyweight title.
You can see the hatred forming on his face.
Jackson: Well let me tell you something Hussain. You became irrelevent the moment I arrived here in Wrestle UTA. You became nothing more than a foot note in the history of Wrestle UTA the moment James Wingate signed me to a contract.
Marshall Owens hands Sean the UTA world title belt, which he slings over his shoulder, still holding that steel folding chair.
Jackson: I proved you were nothing more than a paper champion on my first night in this company. Do you remember that night Abdul? because I sure do. I remember taking my knee and blasting out the back of your skull. I remember the stunned look on the faces of everyone when my hand was raised in victory, and you were there laying there on your back, in the middle of the ring.
Jackson: Then I remember you running from me for the next couple of months. Thinking that I would just go away. But, as I tell everyone...
Sean looks over at the world title, still on his shoulder.
Jackson: You can run, but you can't hide.
He then turns his attention back to the camera.
Jackson: When I want something, I target it and I continue to target it until it becomes mine. But Abdul, since you decided to take it upon yourself to attack me in Buffalo....
A sinister smile begins to form. He's had sinister smiles before, but this is different. Very different.
Jackson: It is now my turn to respond. Now then, how can I possibly respond to your actions in Buffalo?
Still holding the steel chair in his hand, he takes his other hand and brings it to his chin, obviously in thought.
Jackson: I've already taken the world title from you, rendering you completely irrelevent. No, my response has to be something that hurts you deeply. Maybe this will help in my decision....
Marshall Owens reaches off camera and pulls a muslim woman into the scene. She is completely covered in a black burqua, with a veil over her face. She also has a dog collar around her neck, the leash is in Marshall's hand.
Jackson: Hello Nazirah.
Okay, maybe it isn't Abdul's sister. But we're pretty sure he'll get the point.
Jackson: Look to the camera and tell your brother hello.
The muslim woman begins screaming something in arabic. She is visably upset and is giving Sean the business. He does allow it to go on for a few moments before....
Sean then slams the chair over the head of the muslim woman. The screaming stops as she crumples to the floor.
Sean then tosses the chair to the floor as Marshall smiles, obviously pleased with his client.
Jackson: No wonder you make them walk three steps behind you. They can be a bit annoying.
Sean then switches the belt to the other shoulder and continues.
Jackson: Now wait a minute, before you go calling the Iraqi consulate, of course that wasn't your *cough* lovely sister Nazirah. But just remember this Abdul, on June 1st in Miami, Florida. We WILL be locked inside of a steel structure at Black Horizon.
He then sneaks a peak at the muslim woman still laid out on the floor.
Jackson: Which means that Rafiq and Nazirah will be outside the structure, with no one to watch their backs.
A smile once again forms.
Jackson: Which means that while you're trying to win something you're not even worthy to look at. Your sister will be outside the structure, defenseless. Outside the structure with some of the lowest forms of humanity possible. Who knows Abdul, maybe some of those high school and college studs will scarf her up, take her to the beach in some two piece bikini, and she'll end up on one of those Girls Gone Wild videos.
Jackson: And we all know what goes on in those, don't we?
But this isn't just about Abdul bin Hussain now is it. No, there is once again, a third member of this charley foxtrot that needs to be addressed. Sean then points to the camera.
Jackson: Isn't that right Ariel?
When dealing with Madman Szalinski, Sean has completely taken the kiddie gloves off. This mess would have already been over had it not been for him.
Jackson: Come on Ariel, don't be shy. From what I've heard, you're a legend at Miami Beach. I've heard that you hold just about every alcoholic and sexual record there.
Yep, the kiddie gloves are off.
Jackson: Believe me, the videos on pornhub are a thing of legend. Matter of fact, when I get to Black Horizon....
Sean holds up his finger.
Jackson: Not that black horizon Ariel, the PPV Black Horizon.
Again he winks.
Jackson: But when I get there, to the PPV, I'm going to have to get an autograph.
Sean nudges Marshall with his elbow.
Jackson: Excellent videos, weren't they Marshall?
Marshall Owens nods.
Marshall: Very tastefully done.
They both look up at the ceiling for a few moments, as if replaying something in their minds. After that is done, they look back to the camera.
Jackson: You know Madman, that little Ariel sure is nimble. It isn't every day that you find a woman THAT flexible, so while you're inside of that steel structure as well.....
The smile disappears.
Jackson: Maybe a few of my friends can come out and make some more *videos* with Ariel, where you can spend your time doing what you always do...
Uncomfortable pause before the storm.
Jackson: AND THAT IS FREAKING WATCH YOU LITTLE SON OF A BITCH.
Sean passes off the world title to Marshall as he begins his hatred filled rant at Madman Szalinski.
Jackson: LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, YOU LITTLE FREAKING BURNOUT. INSTEAD OF BEING ABLE TO ENJOY MIAMI BEACH, INSTEAD OF GETTING TO WATCH ARIEL DO WHAT SHE DOES BEST, I'VE GOT TO FIX YOUR LITTLE SCREW-UP.
Sean's yelling completely fills the area. It is so loud that Marshall has to take a step back to protect his ears.
Jackson: HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR YOU, HUSSAIN WOULD BE NOTHING MORE THAN A FREAKING AFTER THOUGHT. BUT, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T MAN ENOUGH TO BEAT ME ON YOUR OWN, YOU NEED A PATSY LIKE HUSSAIN TO HELP YOU....
Sean's voice begins to crack, forcing him to stop yelling. However, he's still JUST as angry.
Jackson: Well you can forget about it Szalinski because a little wannabe like you with a Napolean complex will NEVER have what it takes to take the world title from me. So I tell you what Szalinski, when you step foot into that steel structure at Black Horizon. You had better know that Ariel is going to be in a safe location because as far as I'm concerned....
Sean's eyes tell the whole story. Abdul had definitely awoken a sleeping monster in Buffalo and now, there WILL be casualties.
Jackson: Anything and everything you have is fair game.
Sean and Marshall then walk away as the camera focuses on the downed muslim woman.
We fade into a montage of Peach the Puppy running after blue and red bones. She barks them, and is seen even tugging on one that Ariel holds in her hand. Finally we move to just Peach, laying on a tarp and gnawing on a blue bone.
She drops the bone and barks at the camera, wagging her tail as an infographic comes up displaying Peach's Predictions. A new original webisode on WrestleUTA.com every other week.
We return once again to the studio with Stan and Jennifer, both standing by.
Williams: The champion sure had a lot to say before we head into Black Horizon next week.
Stan: I can tell you this, the main event will be nothing short of amazing.
Williams: I wonder if and how Madman Szalinski and Abdul bin Hussain will respond.
Stan: There will be no love lost when those three men get into that cell that surrounds the caged ring.
Williams: Who will come out champion? This is one tense situation.
Stan: More questions that hopefully we will get answers on next Sunday. For now though, we are are out of time. Until next time, I am Stan Davis.
Williams: And I am Jennifer Williams.
Stan: Thank you for tuning into another edition of Livewire!
Williams: We'll see you next time!
The copyright comes up as the screen fades to black.
Results compiled and archived with the Efed Management Suite
""I need a fuckin' drink""
- Shawn Kutter