Joan Jett & The Blackheart's 'Bad Reputation' blares across the Firestone Fieldhouse as the camera gives us an aerial view of the ring and the small crowd around it. This being a first show from an independent company, one can't expect much, and so the 75 or so people who turned up cannot be considered a bad gate. Still, the camera doesn't take too long to switch to the announcer's table, where our commentators greet us. On the left is a wealthy-looking woman with white hair, spectacles and a progressive haircut; to her right is an equally classy blonde with a short haircut. They are both fashionably dressed. The white-haired lady welcomes us to the show:
Cher LaTour: Good evening everybody, and welcome! to GPW Explosion number ONE! Our first show ever! I don't know about you, but I'm excited!
She spins some papers on the desk around as she turns to face her partner:
Cher: Kerry, are you excited?
Kerry Buckingham, in her upper-class British accent: Ecstatic, dear. Absolutely no eye-candy for an entire night. I cannot wait.
Cher: Oh, please, it's a breakthrough endeavour in the world of women's wrestling!
Kerry, clearly not listening: If you say so, dear.
Cher: And besides, you can call that fellow of yours...what is his name again?
Kerry, perking up: Stevie, darling. He's FAB-ulous, he's so...
Cher: ...well, you can call Stevie later. Right now, let's waste no more time, as it seems our boss has something to say!
Indeed, classical music has started to play, as a distinguished older lady steps out onto the stage. It is none other than Lady Helena Roxburgh-Caveney, co-owner of GPW. As the fans give her a polite clap, she begins to talk:
Lady Helena: Good evening, and welcome to the first-ever edition of Girl Power Wrestling - Explosion! Thank you so much for being a part of this very special night for us!
There is another round of applause as the lady continues:
Lady Helena: Now without further ado, on with the show!
With this, she steps through the curtain, to a thunderous cheer by the crowd, who really appreciate her keeping it short and sweet. At the announcer's table, Cher remarks:
Cher: Well, that was short and to the point! On with the show indeed! And up next we have...a twerk-off? Do you have any clue what that is, Kay?
Kerry chuckles: Oh, you're SO behind the times, dear! If you were on a first-name basis with Miley like I am...
Cher: Yes, yes, just tell me what it is!
Kerry: It's a dance, dear. I quite like it.
The camera pans for a moment to a terrifying shot of Kerry attempting to twerk whilst still sitting down, which is mercifully interrupted by the opening song to one Molly Cyrus!
Molly Cyrus v. Cheerleader Cherry
Alexandra Roxbury: The following is a twerk-off! Introducing first, from Disneyland, weighing 112 pounds, she is The Twerkmaster...MOLLY! CYRUS!
"Hannah Montana" begins to play. When the bass kicks in, Molly walks out into the arena with a foam finger on her hand. She twerks, dances, and gives old people/little kids/Republicans seizures the whole way down to the ring. She twerks on the ringpost before she gets into the ring. Inside the ring, she gestures with her foam finger and throws it into the crowd, squatting in her corner while holding the rope, making sure to twerk a couple of times too.
Cher, scoffing: Well...! That's certainly...modern.
Kerry: Don't you just love it?!
Cher simply clears her throat, saying nothing, as 'The Entertainer' signals the arrival of Molly's opponent.
Roxy: And her opponent, from Allen, Michigan, weighing 109 pounds, CHEERLEADER CHERRY!
Cherry comes out throwing cheer kicks and waving her pom-poms before running down to the ring. Once there, she takes Roxy's microphone and turns to the crowd:
Cheerleader Cherry: Hey guys! How's it going?
A small cheer arises, and Cherry clucks:
Cherry: Pfff...I said, HOW'S IT GOING?!
A bigger cheer this time, which makes the cheerleader smile. She quickly continues:
Cherry: Now, whatever I say, you guys repeat. Ready? Okay! Gimme a G! Gimme a P! Gimme a W! What's that spell?
Some people do join in the fun, although maybe not as many as Cherry would like. They are, after all, human, and therefore self-conscious around strangers - especially for this kind of thing. At the announce table, Cher commiserates:
Cher: That poor girl! Things didn't work out for her, did they?
Kerry: Frankly Cher, if someone were screaming at the top of their lungs like that around *me*, I would respond badly as well!
Regardless of the effectiveness of Cherry's tactics, the contest needs to get underway, and does, as "#twerkit" by Busta Rhymes begins to blare across the arena.
Kerry: Hey! That girl has got some moves!
Molly goes first, and gives an absolute lesson in twerking. Grabbing onto the ropes for leverage, Molly starts with the top and eventually works her way to grabbing the bottom rope, bent over and shaking her posterior. Through the jeers of the crowd, the music fades away and Molly bows sarcastically to even more jeers. It is clear, at the end of the performance, that there is absolutely no chance for Cherry, unless she somehow has hidden twerking talents she's not telling anyone about. Judging by the pained look on her face, however, that does not really seem to be the case.
Kerry: Did somebody just throw a can of beer in the ring?
"Hey Mickey" begins to play, with Molly picking up the near-full beer can from the canvas (and taking a drink before throwing it back.) And sure enough, when Cherry steps up, she does not even try to compete with Molly. Instead, she gives a lesson in cheer coreography, displaying her array of high kicks, flips and pom-pom shaking.
Kerry: What a terribly blatant cheater! This is a twerking contest, that is NOT twerking AT ALL!
Cher: The crowd seems to like it, though...
And indeed, the crowd are getting surprisingly behind Cherry, contrasting with the boos they gave Molly. Perhaps this is due to the fact that twerking, unlike cheerleading, is an annoying fad made popular by an annoying Disney starlet - but that is open to debate. The truth is, at the end of the dance-off, it's Cherry getting all the cheers. Molly does not look best pleased with that, leaning against the ropes and glowering daggers at her opponent claiming aloud in a thick Southern drawl "WHAT THE HELL? I CAN'T TWERK TO THIS!"
Cher: Molly looks a touch miffed, doesn't she Kerry?
Kerry: Well, I would be too, after such a shameless display of cheating! Outrageous!
Molly seems to think so too, as she angrily twerks up to the still cheering Cherry, spins her around, and blows a pink mist into her eyes blinding her!
Cher: Oh my goodness! Now that was uncalled for! Shame on you, young lady!
Kerry: An eye for an eye! That Cherry blatantly cheated, and now Molly's getting revenge! The girl is just standing up for herself, Cher. Don't be such a square!
As the commentators argue, Cherry stumbles around, rubbing her inflamed eyes. This is when Molly takes the opportunity to run to the ropes, coming back to deck her with her second favourite move, the lariat!
Cher, indignant: ENOUGH! This is absolutely uncalled for! Why won't anyone do anything?!
Kerry: Oh good heavens, darling! *Do* stop going into such hysterics! You're going to cause a dreadful scene...!
Cher's answer, if there was any, is lost, as the feed cuts backstage on the image of Molly triumphantly twerking over her fallen opponent, ducking her behind low and mere inches from Cherry's face.
The camera cuts to the backstage area as we see Anne Brandeis wearing her black sequined ring robe a deathly serious look in her brown eyes as she looks at the camera. Standing right next to her is Alexandra Roxbury wearing a black T-shirt and some incredibly tight looking jeans.
Roxy: Ms. Brandeis, we have yet to hear from management who your opponent is tonight. Are you nervous tonight?
Anne pauses for a moment speaking quietly trying not to raise her voice.
Anne Brandeis: No… I’m quietly seething. If anything I’m a little nervous at how bad I might high hurt my opponent. Do you know why?
Roxy: Well you’ve made it clear that you think you should have been in the main event.
Anne Brandeis: Precisely… and if it were say Emma Carlise, or Red West, or Lady Liberty in that match well perhaps I wouldn’t be at my boiling point. See I can accept being told that I’m perhaps past my prime. I can accept being told that a younger wrestler deserves the shot more than me. But I didn’t dedicate 25 years of my life to this sport just for some common doxy to walk in off the street with no business competing in this sport and be awarded a title shot. I’ve known Samantha Bevins for several years now and I’ve seen her do some foolish things in her career but this main event is a travesty and this belt has already been tarnished.
Roxy: So you don’t want a title shot now?
Anne Brandeis: Oh quite the contrary. A belt is only as good as the person who holds it and the GPW World Championship is only going to mean something if it’s in the hands of a true champion. Not a common floozy or a disgraced sadomasochist in a shock collar. So tonight whoever my opponent is I’m making an example out of her. I’m going to show the wrestling world that I am not a person to be overlooked or ignored. I don’t care I’m fighting an acrobat or a seven foot Amazon. I’m coming to put someone to sleep and what happens to that unfortunate trollop is going to be on Samantha Bevins conscience. Then I’m challenging whoever wins the main even tonight. Because real champions aren't made in battle royals. They’re determined one-on-one, hand-to-hand. And if you the viewer at home have any doubts as to who belongs among the elite, then I advise you set your DVR tonight because you’re about to get the chance to study what real grappling is.
Roxy: Strong words… back to you, ladies![/color]
We cut back to the announce desk, where we get a close-up of a slightly less composed Cher and a perfectly prim Kerry.
Cher: Certainly some strong words from Anne Brandeis, who has issued an open challenge to the winner of tonight's Main Event!
Kerry: Well, if you ask me, darling, there is a reason that girl is not in the main event tonight. Title shots aren't for everyone, you know...
Cher looks at Kerry over her spectacles:
Cher: May I remind you one of the competitors in the main event is a streetwalker?
Even Kerry has to agree on this one:
Kerry, sounding bothered: Quite. I'm not entirely sure what they were thinking there...but well, a girl has to earn a living, I suppose. Not everyone can be a fashion editor and date a film star, you know, dear. I'm sure she's talented!
Cher, dryly: I'm sure she is.
As the two announcers are debating the relative professional merits of the 'Jersey Whore', the bell rings signalling a new match is about to start!
Roxy: The following is a tag contest scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, at a combined weight of 274 pounds...Katie Klein and Katalina Star...THE NAUGHTY GIRLS!
Cher: I'm excited to see these girls. They are the latest pet project of Victoria Steele, the CEO of Steele Media!
Kerry: I know Vicky, she's a dar-ling! But her projects are rather hit-and-miss...
Cher: We'll see what these girls have to offer Girl Power Wrestling!
Roxy: And their opponents, at a combined weight of 408lbs, and accompanied to the ring by Alexander Hamilton Cray... Boomschequa and Alessandra...BRICK HOUSE!
We hear a female moan in ecstasy as the mismatched pair comes out with their smarmy manager, Cray!
Cher: Oh my dear heavens, what is that?!
Kerry: 'That', my dear, is both the 'Brick' AND the 'House' parts of their team name!
Cher: I daresay so! Oh, these poor girls!
Kerry: Don't be such a softie, Cher!
Cray mugs it up for the crowd as the two Barbie Killers enter the ring. The Naughty Girls look apprehensive but ready as the bell rings.
Alessandra starts the match with Katie Klein. Alessandra attempts several low kicks, rather measuring her opponent than trying to do a lot of damage. Then she goes for a high kick, but Katie dodges and hits a knee to the gut, immediately followed by Toe Kick. Alessandra stumbles and Katie shoots for a takedown, getting her on her back and immediately grabbing a hold of her leg. A Single Leg Crab is applied, but Katie isn't satisfied with just locking in the submission.
Kerry: Keep that hand away from Alessandra's girly bits, young lady!
Alessandra quickly rolls under Katie and then uses her free leg to kick one half of Naughty Girls away. Alessandra kips-up to her feet and quickly drops Katie with a short arm Lariat. She drops the elbow over Katie and pins.
Cher: One, two, and an immediate kickout. Not quite enough damage done by Alessandra.
Kerry: These Naughty Girls are lucky this Boomshequa is not in the ring. She looks like one to cause a lot of damage.
Katie is on one knee, but receives a flurry of kicks to the chest from the Brazilian opponent. As Alessandra goes for a kick to the head, Katie dodges and Alessandra spins around, ending with her back to Katie, who rolls her up.
Alessandra is quick to her feet, but Katie is a heartbeat quicker and dropkicks Alessandra all the way to the corner of Naughty Girls. Tag is made and here comes Katalina Star. She brings a little more agressive side to the match, stomping away on Alessandra. She drags her up by the hair, for which she gets a warning from the referee, but doesn't stop and pounds Alessandra with a kick to the gut and a headbutt. Alessandra stumbles to the ropes and is whipped against the opposite ones. Katalina goes for a Back Body Drop, but Alessandra turns it into a Sunset Flip Powerbomb.
Cher: That was a very good counter there!
Alessandra Irish Whips Katalina to the corner where she can tag in Boomschequa.
Kerry, almost squealing: Uh-oh! Oh darling, you're in all kinds of trouble!
Boomschequa grabs Katalina by the throat and just throws her halfway across the ring. Slowly she follows her, grabs a hold of her as Katalina is trying to crawl to her corner... Deadlift Regal-Plex!
Cher: What power! Now one, two, three...no!
Kerry: By the looks of things, it shouldn't take much longer at all before Boomschequa ends this contest.
Boomschequa whips Katalina in one of the neutral corners and goes for a Corner Splash, but Katalina wisely moves out of the way and the giant of a woman hits nothing more but the turnbuckle padding. Katalina wisely goes for the chop block, but only getting the big woman on one knee. She moves in front of her and goes for a kick to the head. Boomschequa falls on all four and gets to her feet slowly. As she turns around, she sees Katalina rushing at her... and almost decapitates her with a Lariat!
Cher: This is an outrage! That poor girl! Can we please call for the bell already?
Kerry, chuckling: You're far too soft for wrestling, my dear. I should talk to Sammie about getting a new partner!
A gasp is heard, and Kerry giggles:
Kerry: Just teasing you, dear...
While all this is going on, Boomschequa takes several steps back, signalling that in a while, she will go for the BRICK Bomb... but Alessandra reaches out from behind the ropes and tags herself in!
Kerry: Oh dear, Boomschequa is not going to like this.
She most certainly does not like it as she starts arguing with Alessandra as she slowly makes her way through the ropes on the apron. Katalina notices it and slowly gets to her feet behind Alessandra. She locks her in a Waistlock and pushes her forward to Boomschequa who falls through the ropes to ringside. Katalina keeps the hold on and turns it into the Oklahoma Roll.
Roxy: The winners of this match...THE NAUGHTY GIRLS!
Cher: Excellent sense of opportunity by that young lady. Bravo!
Kerry: Well, yes dear, but if Allie-darling and Boomie hadn't started arguing...
Cher: But they did. And the Naughty Girls debut here on GPW with a win. ...But what's this?
As Katie and Katalina are celebrating in the ring, the metal stylings of Shinedown begin to play, as the General Manager of GPW Explosion, Sensuous Samantha Bevins, steps out through the curtain. Right away, it becomes clear that she is up to no good, as a smug smirk can be seen
on her lips. The golf-clap she is giving K-Squared is also blatantly insincere.
Cher: Our...General Manager coming out here...how odd...
Kerry: Shush! Let Sammie-darling talk!
And talk she does:
Samantha Bevins: Well done, girls! Well done! Such an acute sense of...opportunity.
The boss is clearly not best pleased by the result, and everyone can tell, judging by the rain of boos coming from the audience. Undaunted, Ms. Bevins continues:
Samantha: And because you did *so good*!, I've decided to give you a little reward. You see, such a crack team of wrestlers as yourselves, who put on such a *dominant* performance against these two ladies right here...will certainly be able to take on just *one* of them?
The Naughty Girls exchange looks, unsure of what to think, but it doesn't take Ms Bevins more than a moment to make her intentions clear:
Samantha: So on the next Explosion...it will be the Naughty Girls...versus BOOMSCHEQUA!
The two girls gasp in shock, as does the crowd. Ms Bevins, however, seems rather satisfied with herself, as she exits with a little flutter of fingers in the Naughty Girls' direction.
Cher: Oh my stars. Those poor girls...!
Kerry: It's two on one, darling. What do you mean, 'those poor girls'?
We are spared a lengthy explanation about why this particular handicap does not work in the faces' favour, as the camera cuts backstage.
We see Etsuko make her way down the hall along with Nikki. The two are on their way toward the ring when around the corner turns new signing Red West. The two bump into one another and the cup Red had been holding accidentally spills its watery contents over Etsuko's face and neck.
Red: Oop, sorry.
She tries drying it away with her fingertips but Nikki steps in brushing her away and shoving Etsuko forward. Although around the same time of the shove Etsuko feels a slight spark from her collar jolting her a little. She looks back over her shoulder toward Red until she feels a heavier shock from her collar courtesy of Nikki and her remote.
Nikki: Don't get distracted.
The pair continue on as Etsuko gently lays a couple fingertips to her collar feeling another tiny jolt. The camera cuts back to the arena.
Roxy: The following is an open challenge! Introducing the challenger, from Queens, New York, weighing 150lbs, ANNE BRANDEIS!
The lights dim as the Pacific Rim theme cues up over the speaker system as Anne steps from behind the curtain wearing a flowing sequined robe. A few plumes of smoke erupt from neat the top of the aisle. She pauses for a moment rolling her knuckles. A deathly serious look in her eyes as she slowly walks down to the ringside. Maybe giving a subtle nod to a fan along the way or a knowing grin but showing very little emotion.
Kerry: And now it is time to see who Anne's opponent is.
Cher: Being left in the dark like this is awful! Anne has no idea who she is facing tonight.
Kerry: I'm sure we are going to find out soon enough
And we are! The big screen pops up and there she is sitting in her posh office in her big black office chair…"Sensuous" Samantha Bevins, the General Manager. SSB is wearing a chic black suit, designer no doubt.
Samantha: Well, hello there, dear Anne…so, we meet again.
SSB flashes a snide smirk.
Samantha: How have you been since ACE? You…you've been doing well, huh? While I was laying on the beach in Monaco, a tan adonis bringing me drinks with pretty little umbrellas in them, I hear you were wrestling in high school gyms for an audience of 3 just trying to make your rent.
Samantha: So, I'll keep this short and sweet. I'm going to bring your opponent out right now Anne. She is indeed someone you have faced in the past. And she is going to destroy you tonight. Talk about a blast from the past. Enjoy, Anne. Enjoy.
The screen fades out as Anne awaits her opponent. The arena goes dark and a huge BOOM from a set of bright blue fireworks illuminates the darkness. The lights come back on as "Imperium" by Machine Head Assaults the house PA.
# HEAR ME NNNNNOOOOOOWWWWW
Ursula Von Rossbach appears, attired in black- black swat pants with her last name on the right leg in bold white letters, matching black leather vest, combat boots, a single elbow pad on her right arm, and shiny black hand and wrist tape. With an angry, hate-filled scowl on her face, she raises those fists in the air, and slowly brings them down before her in a grand gesture that flexes almost every muscle in her shoulders, arms, and chest.
Kerry: THAT IS URSULA VON ROSSBACH!
Kerry: She is from SSB's former league ACE. She was a very successful tag team champion in Atlantic City Entertainment! See, darling, Stevie tells me these things! That's how I know!
Cher: Oh. She's quite a big girl, isn't she?
Kerry: She is definitely a force to reckon with.
Lowering her arms with an almost mechanical grace, she heads straight to the ring, leaps up onto the ring apron, and slips through the ropes. Once there, she throws her arms up at the crowd, the four ringposts exploding all at once. Ursula then bows her chest up, lowers her arms, and turns to Anne Brandeis, glaring in her direction.
Roxy: Ladies and gentlemen, from White Sands, New Mexico, standing 6ft tall and weighing 237 pounds...URSULA.... VON.... ROSSBACH!
Cher: What a surprise this has to be for Anne Brandeis…then again…she may have called it all along. She mentioned Ursula earlier last week in her promo! Anne is smart! She is a true veteran and too difficult to outsmart!
Kerry: Yes dear, but SSB is a veteran mind in this business, too. So I don't really know!
Cher: There's the bell! The crowd is riled up, ready for this match to get underway.
Anne is simply telling Ursula to "bring it!" Ursula giving Anne a smirk and Ursula goes for a clothesline on Anne! But no! Anne is quick!
Cher: Anne ducks the clothesline! Anne on fire as she hits Ursula with a quick dropkick to Ursula's knee! Will that take Ursula down?
Kerry: Sweetheart, look at the size of that girl. Do you really not know the answer?
…NO! Ursula buckles a bit, but she isn't down yet! Anne not quitting. Anne with a series of knife edge chops right to Ursula's chest!
Cher: Anne with a fierce chop to Ursula's chest!
Kerry: Another chop!
Kerry: Stevie does that to me. It's really quite exhilarating, you know...
Cher: Exhilarating? I'm sure those hurt, darling...
Kerry: Yes but they hurt so good!
As Kerry reveals her kinks, Anne continues to chop Ursula!
Cher: Ursula's chest is red! Blood red! Anne finally has the big woman…
Kerry: BIG? HA! THAT IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT!
…and she has UVR backed into the turnbuckle! Anne really taking to Ursula, she's about to…wait no…Ursula able to power herself out of the corner! She just almost knocked Anne's head off with a power clothesline!
Cher: One that looks like it really, really hurt, too! Ursula scooping Anne up now…and up even further into a vertical position…Ursula letting the blood flow to Anne's head as she holds her in that stalling suplex!
Kerry: That's a long way down!
Cher: You're telling me! And Anne unable to move! Anne unable to break free! Ursula lands the suplex! What power she possesses!
UVR lands the suplex on Anne and rolls to her feet. She brings up Anne by her hair as the official warns her by counting that the hair is off limits. UVR ignores him as she pulls Anne's hair back and screams into her face how she is going to destroy her. Ursula tosses Anne down like a rag doll and then picks her up over head afterward in a gorilla press. Ursula demonstrates her power as she dumps Anne onto the canvas. UVR places a foot on top of Anne for a pinfall.
Cher: It can't end this way!
Kerry: Well, it could, but it isn't likely!
Cher: No! Not even close to a three count!
Kerry: Like I said, I didn't expect it!
Cher: I wasn't aware you were a psychic, Kerry.
Kerry: I am, you didn't know?
Cher: Back in the ring UVR just landed a Samoan drop on Anne Brandeis! The big woman is overpowering Anne Brandeis! It isn't looking good for Anne right now. SSB bringing UVR into GPW just to determine the fate of Anne Brandeis!
Kerry: Well, that fate isn't looking good right now.
Cher: There you go with your psychic powers again.
Kerry: Well, yes. I learned it from Stevie.
Cher: Ursula should have gone for a pin, but she's wasting a bit of time by jawing off to a fan in the front row!
Kerry: You should never do that, Ursula! Stevie would have told you that!
Cher: Looks like those words could never be truer, because it just got her in trouble! Anne Brandeis with a roll-up from behind!
Kerry: That was a close one! Ursula needs to pay better attention! Come on, darling. Focus!
Cher: Ursula in shock, because Anne almost just had her! Ursula quickly to her feet! Anne right behind her! Ursula going for a kick to Anne's gut! Anne doubles over! Ursula grabbing Anne by the throat!
Kerry: Looks like she wants to choke slam her!
Cher: Anne Brandeis slides to her knees, catching UVR off guard! Anne with a European uppercut! Ursula can't even be knocked off her feet with that! Ursula is teetering, and Anne follows up with a swinging neck breaker!
Kerry: Ursula is off her feet now! Wait, what?
Cher: Anne taking control of this contest! Anne is a technician, Kay, but Ursula is a huge woman and I am unsure if Anne can even get Ursula into a submission move, let alone make her submit to one. But she has done it before!
Kerry: Then I'm sure she can do it again!
Cher: Anne working on Ursula's lower body as she pounds away on her legs! Anne wants to keep Ursula off her feet--that is the best technique!
Anne locks Ursula's lower leg into a leg lock. She pulls back on Ursula's leg as Ursula reaches forward and tries to knock Anne off her. Anne continues the tension as Ursula grits her teeth, still reaching for Anne, but unable to get Anne to break the move. Anne keeps the move held in for few vital minutes before Ursula is able to make it to the ropes. The official makes Anne break the hold. Anne does so and the match continues.
Cher: Anne had to break the move, but it looks like she did some damage on Ursula because Ursula hasn't been able to pull herself up completely! In fact, Ursula is limping!
Kerry: Ursula looks livid! That big girl is full of rage!
Cher: Indeed she is! UVR and Anne both up at the same time, but Ursula grabbing Anne by the hair again! UVR tosses Anne to the outside! Anne hits hard on the outside!
Kerry: Ursula going after Anne!
UVR slides to the outside and grabs Anne up. She throws Anne into the barricade as the official begins his count. Anne lays in a heap, Ursula stalking toward her, the big woman going in for the kill. Ursula smirks, knowing she has Anne exactly where she wants her, and close to the end. Ursula lifts up Anne, eying the steel stairs on the outside. UVR goes to whip Anne into the stairs, but Anne irish whips Ursula shoulder first into the stairs! The stairs break apart as Ursula goes down! Anne falls to her knees from exhaustion, but doesn't wait long before she pursues getting UVR up and back into the ring.
Cher: Anne forcing Ursula back into the ring!
Kerry: Not sure how Anne is manhandling Ursula like this, but she is!
Cher: UVR just took a fall into those steel steps! Anne has the upper hand right now! Anne following Ursula back into the ring!
Anne takes advantage of the situation and upon the two women getting back into the ring, Anne goes for a series of kicks to Ursula's head to keep her down. Ursula is hard to keep down, however, and Anne is unable to do it for long. Ursula tosses Anne into the turnbuckle eventually and UVR goes into the turnbuckle for a clothesline on Anne, but Anne moves! Ursula hits the hard turnbuckle corner Anne is able to capitalize by nailing Ursula with a DDT! UVR hits the match and Anne hooks her leg.
Kerry: NYC DDT BY ANNE!
Cher: NYC DDT? What is that?
Kerry: A signature move by Anne Brandeis! See, if you had a wrestler boyfriend, you'd *know* these things, dear!
Kerry: That was definitely a three count!
Cher: Doesn't look like it, Kay! Do you even know how to count to three?
Kerry: Yes darling, of course I do.
Cher: Did you learn that from Stevie as well?
Kerry, decidedly not amused: You're hilarious, darling.
Anne Brandeis accepts what the official says and doesn't let it get to her. She moves quickly as Ursula is getting up even faster than she is. Ursula gets to her knees, but Anne is quick and hits a fierce Yakuza kick to the back of the head! UVR falls over and Anne leaps over Ursula's huge, fallen body and lands a series of elbows into Ursula's groin. Anne is no doubt wearing Ursula down for her ending move.
Cher: Anne trying her best to get Ursula over on her front!
Kerry: Anne ways to get that rear naked choke on so she can lock in the Chloroform!
Cher: The what?
Kerry: Modified sleeper hold, Kay. Anne's tactics have worked so far.
Cher:Think she can do it?
Kerry: She surely isn't giving up.
Anne battles with trying to get the big woman over so she can lock in her hold. The crowd is behind Anne, chanting her name the entire time! Ursula is a tough one to keep down and Ursula is able to make a comeback as she gets to her knees, then uses Anne's body as leverage to climb to her feet. Slightly limping, UVR backs Anne into the turnbuckle and comes at her with multiple elbows to her feet. UVR settles for a high knee to Anne's face before forcefully tossing her across the ring like a rag doll. Ursula wipes her hair back from her face and gestures toward Anne, signifying it is indeed over.
Cher: Ursula means business. She no doubt is ready to do what she was brought here to do by our General Manager…
Kerry: End Anne Brandeis, you mean?
Cher: That is exactly it! And Ursula has Anne by the throat! Ursula going for a choke slam!
Kerry: This has to be it! Anne Brandeis is done for! It's over!
Cher: Ursula with a tight grip on Anne! Ursula lifting up Anne!
And suddenly, before the huge UVR is able to lift Anne up, Anne wiggles from the choke slam and is able to launch her body to the side! The crowd pops for the veteran as she jumps behind Ursula and takes her off guard! Anne leans into the ropes and jumps to the second rope, flying off with a jumping Yakuza kick to Ursula's head! Ursula tumbles downward as Anne smacks her right upside the head!
Kerry: That had to hurt!
Cher: Anne coming back! "The Atheist" still has it in her! Ursula coming to! Anne best work quick!
And she does! Anne able to crawl on top of UVR and lock in a rear naked choke, leading to a full body scissors. UVR fights to not submit, but Anne is able to easily lock in the move and keep it locked in for some time. Ursula struggles to maintain her strength, but Anne has the grip on too good. The official keeps a close eye on Ursula to see if she's still awake.
Cher: Ursula has been in that move for some time now! This modified sleeper, Chloroform, may work on taking Ursula out!
Kerry: I've been wondering how Anne was going to do that, but now I see why Anne is one of the best in this game!
Cher: I think Ursula is out! I think it's over! The official calling for the bell! It's over! UVR is out! Anne wins the match!
Kerry: Our General Manager is NOT going to be happy. At ALL!
And indeed, mere moments after the match has ended, Sensuous Samantha Bevins's face appears on the Titantron. Anne rants at the screen, yelling 'come out here, Samantha!'
Kerry: Oh, please...SHE-CAN'T-HEAR-YOU-DARLING!
Cher: What are you doing?
Kerry: Well, you need to speak slowly and clearly to this sort of person, dear.
On-screen, Samantha Bevins flashes a smirk, even though she's clearly trying to hold back her rage.
Samantha: Well, well. Little Orphan Annie won her match. I wonder, though...can she do it again if it's NO-DQ?
With this, the General Manager's attractive but evil face disappears once more, leaving the commentators to wonder:
Kerry: Was that a stipulation? No-disqualification match for the next show?
Cher: It sounded like it, but we'll see. Right now, we have our main event to worry about!
The feed cuts to a graphic depicting our five contenders for the GPW belt.
Cher: And that's coming up next - a 5-woman over-the-top-rope Battle Royal! Five ladies enter the fray, but only ONE will be crowned GPW Champion! Who will it be? Find out next!
The feed cuts to a standard online ad, so those who have ad-blocker get to see a 'GPW' graphic for a few seconds before the feed cuts back to main-event action!
Roxy: The following contest is tonight's main event, and it is an over-the-top-rope Battle Royal for the GPW World Championship! Introducing first, from Seaside Heights, New Jersey, and accompanied by Slick Harrison, TAMMY TITS!
The steady thumping of ‘My Humps’’s beat invades the PA, as Tammy steps out shamelessly flaunting her assets and teasing the crowd, while chewing her gum in the trashiest possible way. She then does a streetwalker strut down to the ring, still smacking her gum and blowing bubbles, and occasionally responding to the taunts and jeers. She enters the squared circle Stacy Keibler/Velvet Sky-style, by bending over the middle rope and again showcasing her sexy rear. She chews her gum until the last minute, leaning against the ropes nonchalantly as she waits for the match to start. By her side, manager Slick Harrison has enjoyed every moment of the display, and is now gesturing vividly, apparently issuing Tammy instructions. She seems more interested in an attractive young guy sitting in the front row, with whom she is flirting through eye-contact.
Cher: Now here's someone unpleasant. I would have thought the standards of hiring in this company would be higher!
Kerry: I hate to agree with you, Cher, but I'm afraid I do. WhatEVER is this...creature...doing in a wrestling ring?
Fortunately, the announcers are spared having to focus any more attention on Tammy, as another theme song hits the PA!
Roxy: And her opponent, from Osaka, Japan, accompanied to the ring by Nikki, ETSUKO MITSUZAKA!
“Cure for the Itch” starts up as Etsuko comes out looking around the crowd as Nikki steps out close behind her. With the two standing side by side, they clasp their hands together and eye up at the rafters saying something to themselves almost in unison before bowing their heads. After their prayer has finished, Etsuko and Nikki make their way down to the ring with the former's eyes dead set on the squared circle ahead of them while Nikki tends to switch between her and the crowd. Once at the ring, Etsuko hops up onto the apron while Nikki finds a spot outside watching as her charge steps in through the ropes where she afterward starts stepping around the ring awaiting for the match to start tugging a little at her collar. Outside of the ring, Nikki pulls out the shock collars remote and waits patiently as well.
Cher: Something not quite right going on here. Is that a collar that girl is wearing?
Kerry: Oh, don't be such a square, dahling! I do enjoy doing this type of thing with Stevie now and again...it's fun, it keeps your relationship healthy, you know...
Cher: I don't think that's *quite* what's going on here...
As the Japanese wrestler enters the ring, glaring daggers at Tammy (who just blows her gum at her and makes snappy-finger motions), our third contender enters the arena!
Roxy: Their opponent, from Edinburgh, Scotland, JO MCFARLANE!
The melodic pacing of “Forever or Never” plays out over the speakers, dousing the arena in bright pink light, which strobe with each synthetic beat. The crowd cheers as Jo McFarlane walks out of the back, her hands placed firmly on her hips.
Cher: Well now, here is a feisty young woman! The fans love her!
Kerry: Of course she's feisty, dear. She's from Scotland. They're all uncultured brutes up there. Oh, but the *accent*...!
Cher, sounding concerned: Are you quite all right, dawling?
Kerry: Yes, yes, I...let's just watch the match!
Fortunately, there is something to watch, as yet another wrestler enters the ring:
Roxy: Their opponent, from Turin, Italy, but residing in Los Angeles, MARIA DAINELLI!
Silhouettic" hits the PA and Maria Dainelli walks out on the ramp, where she performs a cut-throat taunt her fianceé Adam Stryker is famous for. The fans give a big cheer for the 'local' girl! She makes her way towards the ring, clapping hands with the fans. She slides under the bottom rope and stretches out before the match begins.
Cher: Here we have Maria Dainelli, who many are singling out as the firm favourite to win this one. She was trained by her fiancée, Adam Stryker, so I'm sure she knows a thing or two about being in a ring!
Kerry, giggling: Adam's a *babe*! I bet these two get a little rough now and again...!
Cher: Spare us the visual, please dear. What do you make of Maria?
Kerry: Oh, well, you know darling...girlfriend of a wrestler. That about sums it up, really.
Cher: I wouldn't be quite so dismissive of Maria, although she does have a tough test here tonight!
As the commentators are bantering, the last theme song hits!
Roxy: And their opponent, from the underground, and accompanied to the ring by Ann Taggen-Eyes, JIGAI JOAN!
Jigai Joan emerges from the gorilla position as her music rips through the arena. The fans react by booing her and some even throw trash. Joan shouts abuse at them and flips everyone the bird before goosestepping down to the ring.
Cher: Well! What a most unpleasant and uncivilized young lady!
Kerry: They are from the underground, darling. What did you expect? I mean, there are probably *cockneys* down there...
Kerry can't keep a shudder out of her voice, as all contenders are finally in the ring and we are ready to go!
The bell rings, and the girls lunge at one another...all but one, that is. Tammy Tits slips out of the ring and walks over to the youth she had been flirting with earlier. To the surprise of everyone - and the lad's delight - she leans against the barricade and begins to chat him up! The camera catches his expression of delight, as Tammy herself gives it a flirty little pucker of lips and a jiggle.
Cher: What is that girl doing? There is a match going on! Don't tell me she's more interested in that fellow than the match!
Kerry, dreamily: Who can blame her? He's a *peach*! Besides, it's obvious you know nothing about wrestling, Cher dear. That's smart strategy. Conserve your strength. That's what I always tell Stevie nights!
Cher: I bet you do...but it seems like someone has a problem with Ms. Tammy's 'smart strategy'!
In fact, Etsuko Mitsuzaka has come to the outside - via middle rope, she's not the Great Khali! - and made a beeline for Tammy. Slick tries to intervene, but his cane shot ends up hitting his client instead! As Tammy goes down, Etsuko grins in triumph. She pushes off Slick, who is trying to check on his client, and hits the Jersey Whore with a few stomps. Then, she rolls her back in the ring and attempts a pin!
Unsurprisingly, no one comes to Tammy's aid or breaks up the pin, and the 'Jersey Whore' is eliminated!
Cher: Well, she lasted about as long as everyone predicted...
There is no time to expound on that, however, as Etsuko herself is now the target of Jigai Joan's chops, as at the far end Maria Dainelli works over Jo McFarlane in the corner. On the outside, Nikki tries to applies shocks to her charge, to liven her up, but something seems to be going wrong, as Joan quickly snaps her hand away, as if shocked.
Cher: Oh dear, what happened there?
Kerry: Not too sure, but Etsuko is capitalising...
That is indeed the case, as Etsuko kicks her opponent in the gut and sets her up for a snap DDT. However, before she can land the move, Maria comes running over and pushes her away...and seems to get bit by static electricity as well!
Cher: What in heavens' name is going on there?!
Kerry giggles: Etsuko is just too...'electrifying'! Get it?
Cher: Actually, it might have more to do with the incident we witnessed earlier, where Red West dropped a glass of water on Etsuko's collar...but that means the poor girl is in danger of being electrocuted!
Indeed, Etsuko's collar seems to be hurting her, too, as every few seconds the GPW superstar grimaces and spasms in pain. She tries to go on with the match, but eventually becomes too distracted, giving up on the match and holding on to the ropes, her head lowered. Nikki tries some 'shock treatment', but it can't get any worse than it is, and Etsuko shows no reaction. A few seconds later, she becomes easy prey for a clothesline from Maria!
Cher: One of our favourites being eliminated here, but good for her. She was in pain, the poor girl.
Kerry: Cher, when you're a wrestler, you have to learn to endure pain. Just ask Stevie, he'll tell you...and whoops, oh dear, there goes Mikhaila-darling.
Cher: You mean Maria.
Kerry: Yes, yes, some foreign name like that!
Maria did, indeed, almost get eliminated by Joan, but managed to hold on to the ropes and skin the cat back inside! She spots the technically proficient rebel trying to eliminate Jo McFarlane at the other end of the ring, and runs over looking for the double clothesline!
Cher: This could be it right here...NO! Double elimination, and Maria is...no, wait!
Unbelievably, Maria has managed to skin the cat *again*, and lands behind her two foes. She once again tries the double clothesline, and gets it, but Jo and Joan fall towards the centre of the ring rather than near the ropes. Trusting fate, Maria covers Joan to a huge cheer!
Cher: Close call there, and Maria's beginning to appear in this match. According to many, she is the firm favourite to win here tonight!
Kerry: Darling, don't make me laugh. It gives you wrinkles...
Maria does, however, continue to hold her own, as she fights off a headbutt from Jo. The two women decide to do a spinning back fist at the exact same time, and end up hitting one another's forearm with the move. Jo thinks quicker, moves around, and performs a tornado DDT, planting Maria. She covers!
Cher: Another close count, as this is turning into quite the match!
After the kickout, Jo takes off to the turnbuckle, looking for a Dead Devotion, which connects!
Cher: Jo McFarlane is fired up and finding her stride here! But Joan may be making this personal, for some reason!
The Scot's momentum is, however, broken up by Jigai Joan, who begins to headbutt her foe. Jo headbutts right back, and the two go back and forth a time or two before Joan adds an eye rake and gains advantage! She turns around straight into a clothesline from Maria, ducks it, then takes advantage of the young Italian's momentum to send her ass-over-teakettle to the outside!
Cher: There, at last, goes Maria, after a valiant debut performance! In the end, she was a little unlucky...
Kerry: Unlucky? Try untalented, Cher. Who goes to the ropes after their opponent has ducked a move, I mean really, Stevie would have been appalled!
Cher: Enough about Stevie, darling.
Kerry: Oh, but he's so *wonderful*! Did you know he's retiring so we can travel the world?
This time, Cher does not reply, as she focused her attention on the match. With just two competitors now, the action has become faster-paced, with Jo finally being able to explore her aerial arsenal. The young Scotswoman busts out a hurricanrana, then follows it up with Smelling Defeat. She takes those precious few seconds when Joan is dazed to get back into the ring and immediately tries to eliminate her resilient opponent. Joan clings stubbornly to the ropes, as on the outside Anne Taggen-Eyes tries to sweep at Jo's legs, to no avail!
Cher: Oh dear...shenanigans attempted. Referee...!
Just at that moment, Jo finally manages to pry Joan from the ropes, but the force of the pull (and a little help from Anne) sends them both crashing into the referee, who topples to the floor!
Cher gasps: Oh dear! I hope he's okay...
Jo glances at the referee in some concern, but there is no time to think...Jigai Joan must be eliminated. It is for that purpose that Jo takes her opponent by the hair and runs with her to the ropes. They bounce off, but as Jo reaches the other side, her momentum sends her halfway over the ropes as well. Still clinging on to Joan, the Scottish superstar keeps them both from toppling over...but only until a little tug from Anne throws her off balance as well. Both women sprawl over the top rope and hit the floor at the same time!
Cher is shown craning her neck to try and see:
Cher: Who won? Who won?
Kerry: I don't think anyone did...
And sure enough, within seconds Roxy is announcing a draw! The two contenders' feet touched the floor at the same time!
Cher: But...that means we don't have a Champion! Oh, poor girls, they tried so hard!
Kerry: Well, sometimes in life you try and you fail, darling. Except if you're me. Or Stevie...
Cher: ENOUGH ABOUT STEVIE!
Kerry: Oooh, touchy touchy...
Cher: I'm sorry, dear, I'm just on edge...but what's this?
For the third time that night, 'Sensuous' Samantha Bevins's music hits, as the GM is greeted by a chorus of boos. She ignores them as she gets to the point, visibly against her will:
Samantha: Lady Helena has told me to come out here and announce that since none of you two failures could get the job done, you will get...ugh!...a second chance. On the next show, it will be Jo McFarlane versus Jigai Joan, for the GPW World Championship...
These words are received, for once, with a cheer...that is, until Samantha puts a damper on the fans' appreciation, with an evil smirk:
Samantha: ...in a STREET FIGHT!
Cher: WHAT?! That's not fair to the poor girl!
Jigai Joan grins, loving what she hears, while Jo acquires a mortified expression. Joan clearly looks like she's ready to go at it right here, right now, but Anne Taggen-Eyes holds her back, urging her to wait until next week. Joan eventually acquiesces and the two retire backstage, amidst a chorus of boos. Jo follows suit a short while later, head hung low in a hangdog pose, but gets encouraging pats on the back from smitten fans all the way to the back. The feed cuts back to the announce table, where our dynamic duo make their goodbyes:
Cher: Well, it certainly has been an eventful first edition of GPW Explosion...and we certainly do have even more excitement to look forward to as well! For now, from me, Cher LaTour, and my colleague Kerry Buckingham, it is good night, and see you next time.
With this, the live stream ends.
Intro - Pete
Twerk-Off: Pete & Jeremy 'Madman Szalinki'
Anne Brandeis Promo: Paul S.
Tag Match: Dave
Tag Aftermath: Pete
Red/Etsuko Promo: Paul S. & Jo-Jo
Anne Brandeis v Ursula: Sam 'SensuousOne'
Main Event: Pete
Final Revision & Editing/Additional dialogue: Pete
Results compiled and archived with the Efed Management Suite
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- Lunchbox Larry