Come join your favorite Vacation Affecionado, Scott Stevens, as he travels the world to bring you the absolute best travel destinations you only dream of vacationing at........
The sun is shining brightly in the crystal, blue sky as laughter and music pollute the air as the image is not of a beach, but of a pool filled with people of all ages and sizes. There is a five on five volleyball game while two senoritas model some of the resorts clothes around the pool.
However, far away from the pool, a mere ten feet, lays vacation aficionado, Scott Stevens as two beautiful latin women fan him down to prevent him from perspiring in the hot, tropical climate of Cancun, Mexico, and is that a Mariachi Band standing next to him?
Stevens smiles as he slowly lifts his white Oakley sunglasses and places them atop his head to reveal white around his lobster colored face.
Stevens: Hola UTA! Como estas?
Stevens takes a moment before continuing.
Stevens: Bien. Y tu?
Stevens says with a grin and slowly nods his head as if someone is responding.
Stevens: For all the English speaking American citizens who don’t have La Flama Blanca handy to translate the Mexicanese I just said, allow me to translate for you.
Stevens clears his throat.
Stevens: I said, “My name is Scott Stevens, and don’t you wish you were me?”
Stevens asks as a waiter brings him a drink and sits it on the stool next to lounge chair he’s occupying.
Stevens: Thank you Juan.
Stevens says as he takes a sip of his Jack and coke.
Stevens: I know you’re all of envy me just a tad as I’m getting paid to be on vacation while I’m making a movie called Vacation at the request of our boss, Cecilworth Farthington because Wrestleshow needed to expand its mainstream appeal. Victory has Mikey Unlikey, and Wrestleshow has yours truly bringing you the latest and greatest from beautiful paradises like the one I’m currently at.
Think about it for a second, Farthington could’ve picked anyone on the Wrestleshow roster: Could’ve picked Hopper but he was “Too Cool” for the gig. Could’ve had Lisil since this is usually his schtick, but the good people at home couldn’t understand a work coming out of his mouth, and he’s on Victory. Tried to get Sean Jackson but he scoffed at the idea when he would have to do a day show because his voiceovers can only take place at night. I heard Blanca wanted no part of the fact that he’s not really Mexican, but he’s truly Salvadorean.
Nonetheless, you have a world class athlete….correction, world class champion to do the things the others think you above to do.
Stevens takes another sip of his drink.
Stevens: Damn that’s good, almost like me.
Stevens smiles at the camera and gives it a wink.
Stevens: But enough about me because I can talk about myself forever, ain’t that right girls?
Girls: That’s right papi.
The fan girls say in their best broken English.
Stevens: On the premiere episode of, “On Vacation” with Scott Stevens, I had my sources reach out to the biggest name in Wrestle UTA I know, and unfortunately Mike Best could not join us here today because of issues with his passport or something like that. So, like any good person i had a Plan B, but unfortunately, Alex Beckman is still injured and could make it either, so I had to settle for this guy…..MIKEY! UUUUUUNNNNNNLLLLLLIIIIIIKKKKKEEEELLLYYYY!
The Mariachi Band begins to play “Blunts Blazin” by Lil Wayne and Stevens does a double take.
Stevens: That was absolutely horrible.
Stevens says to the band as they continue to play as a cardboard cutout of Mikey Unlikely is brought out and set up along with a laptop with Mikey’s smiling face being brought to you via Skype.
Stevens: Mikey, welcome to the premiere edition of “On Vacation” with Scott Stevens.
Mikey waves, he obviously didn’t hear the insults thrown his way.
Unlikely: Thanks Scott! Happy to be here, any exposure is good exposure!
He gives his best politician smile.
Stevens: It’s good to have a world class athlete and a world class champion like myself come together because when it does it equals instant success, and speaking of success, how’s the Hollywood life of Sex, Drugs, and Endless Groupies treating you?
Unlikely: Hollywood has been absolutely wonderful. Big checks, hot women, and fire in your lungs. The movies have been a blast, and I’m always looking for new ways to get my face in everybody's living rooms.
Stevens: That’s super.
Stevens says as he finishes his drink, and shakes for it to be refilled, continues on.
Stevens: Now, this upcoming pay-per-view is going to be jam packed full of stars. I mean we got me going for a title shot, and we have you, the Hollywood stud, putting an end to a rivalry. So for the first time in awhile Wrestle UTA is headlined by legitimate stars, how do you feel about that?
Unlikely: I’m so jacked up for International Affair Scott! Finally the entire world gets to watch as I finish the job I started just a few months ago, when I end the career of Will Haynes. You have a big match too! It’s nice to have legitimate athletes headlining the shows, and not disappearing acts or the flavor of the week.
Mikey laughs at his own joke, Stevens smiles back, but looking into the camera.
Stevens: At the pay-per-view you are facing another world class athlete like yourself. my question to you is, how does it feel to compete against someone the calibre only someone the like of us know about?
Unlikely: In the UTA, every competitor is world class. Unfortunately for everyone else, I am just simply better…
He is seen shrugging on the computer monitor. Stevens laughs out loud. he enjoys the back and forth banter.
Stevens shoots his waiter a hateful look as he looks at his note cards.
Stevens: Did I say world class athlete I meant world class rapper.
Mikey smiles wide.
Unlikely: If anyone around here is a world class rapper, it's me! Did you know Scott, that I have sold over a million records? Did you know I have a platinum album!? Did you know everything I touch, is successful!?
Stevens: Then we made an excellent choice in choosing our first guest!
Stevens replies trying to correct his waiter’s mistake.
Stevens:I heard Haynes is doing a rap version of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” that’s going to debut at the pay-per-view.
Unlikely: Dear God no! (laughs). Haynes is doing anything he can to get those fans behind him. What he fails to realize, is that it won’t help him in the slightest.
Stevens: I know what a joke right? Now Mikey, You are a great competitor, what's it like to go up against that piece of trash, Will Haynes? I mean you've crippled him yet the idiot keeps coming back for more.
Unlikely: Yea, I don't know what it is about the guy, but he keeps coming back for more. You drive a guy's head into steel steps, you try to break his back with your signature submission hold, and then you throw him off the stage, any normal man would have tucked tail and run. But not Will Haynes. Say what you want about the “Thrill”, but if there is one thing he is…. it’s…. Dumb!
Stevens: After you dispose of Will Haynes quicker than his non-existent career, what is next for you? Movies? Babes? Championships? A mountain of blow to snort?
Mikey laughs hysterically.
Unlikely: You know Stevens, I like you, you’re a cool cat. I don't know what’s next for Mikey after International Affair. That is my focus right now. Of course I was cast to play Mikey McFly in the upcoming Back to the Future remake, and of course my gorgeous fiancee will be by my side, but all of my focus is on the destruction of that rat, Will Haynes.
Stevens: Before we wrap this up I have one final question that I’ve been saving and it’s the most important question anyone will ever ask you, are you ready?
Stevens asks in a serious tone.
Unlikely: Born ready Scott!
Stevens clears his throat and leans closer to the laptop as if he is going to whisper the question to Mikey.
Stevens looks around cautiously.
Stevens: What is your favorite…….
Stevens cuts himself off as he yells for his waiter to give him five minutes.
Stevens: Sorry about that.
Mikey smiles and waves it off.
Stevens: Mikey, what is your favorite place…..TO VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stevens screams at the top of his lungs as the Mariachi Band begins to play La Cucaracha.
The World’s Greatest Entertainer laughs and dances a bit to the mariachi band.
Unlikely: Great Question! I would have to say, Turks and Caicos! The sun is always hot, the beaches always white, the water completely see through, and the ladies wear little in the way of clothing. What more could a man ask for other than cool drinks?
Stevens: Thanks for sharing that Mikey, and I want to thank you for appearing on the premiere edition of “On Vacation” with me today.
Unlikely: Oh no worries Scott! Thanks for having me on! It was my pleasure! Good luck with the show!
Stevens: And good luck on your impending victory over Will Haynes and good luck in your aspiring Hollywood career.
Unlikely: Stevens you are nothing but class, the pleasure has been mine!
The image of Mikey goes dark as the Skype call ends.
Stevens: See ya’ll next time.
Stevens says as he throws his note cards towards the camera as the image slowly fades to black.
"TED CRUZ IS THE ZODIAC KILLER"
- Kentucky Tarzan