WARPED89 - 4/20/14 - Detroit, MI - Cobo Center
What a great spot to finish off the first ever tour of its kind around the Michigan area - Murder Mitten Mayhem Tour - at Cobo Center, with a possible capacity of nearly 12,000 fans in Detroit, Michigan. This is without a doubt a huge show for WARPED, and an important one in the history of the company.
WARPED89 - 4/20/14 - Detroit, MI - Cobo Center
Thank you for your purchase of this WARPED Wrestling DVD "WARPED89"
WARPED89 opens up as we see fans filing in to the jam-packed Cobo Center in Detroit, Michigan!
Tony D: "Fans welcome in to WARPED 89 as we have our final stop in the Murder Mitten Mayhem Tour! You're looking at a packed house tonight of over 11,000 fans and more are filing in as we speak! We're on our way to a sell out! I'm Tony D alongside Kris Red as always.."
Kris Red: "That's right, it's ME Tony D, and Dylan D couldn't make it because Tony D broke the spare headset. True story."
Tony D: "Erm, well. Tonight, we start a tournament for the brand new Junior Heavyweight Championship. Plus, Monster versus Monster, TLC, FnX, and the World Title is on the line in a big way!"
Kris Red: "Let's kick that shit off right now! I'm ready for someone to see red.."
Missy Von Eerie sees Treats walking into the building and she runs up to him.
Missy Von Eerie: "Treats! Treats! We need to talk."
Mr. Rottentreats: "Not to be a complete dick, but I've got a big match to prepare for. What is it?"
Missy Von Eerie: "Its Hugo we have a problem."
Mr. Rottentreats: "No shit, we've got a problem! He thinks he's got to prove he's the best deathmatch whack job in all the land!"
Missy Von Eerie: "It's not that, its.."
Missy notices the camera.
Missy Von Eerie: "Can we get some fuckin' privacy please?"
Opening Match: Special FnX Challenge - Hugo Strange vs. PKA
We then fade to the next DVD scene as we see PKA and Hugo Strange in the ring, and its time for their FnX Match. Hugo Strange challenged the "Ultraviolent Perfectionist" to this FnX Match where FnX means... Fuckin Xtreme.. no rules, countout, dq's, pins count anywhere.. Its not Hardcore.. its FnX!
With the sound of a bell, this match is underway in an odd fashion. PKA hands Hugo his trademark weapon, a flourescent light tube; shouting ”HIT ME!”. Hugo looks confused as PKA braces himself; using the top rope. Hugo measures PKA for a shot across the back with the light tube. Hugo draws the light tube back, but stops. PKA notices Hugo’s hesitation then pie faces the Canadian Madman. Hugo returns the favor; PKA yells ”HIT ME!” at Hugo once more. Hugo measures PKA again; but stops himself. PKA snickers to himself; before snapping his finger. Vaughn Ronie Jr. hops up to the apron with a mirror and a few PKA signature eyeliner pencils. Hugo takes PKA stopping to adjust his makeup as a sign of disrespect. Hugo charges, PKA evades and counters with a drop toe hold; Hugo drops the light tube on the apron. PKA straddles Hugo; then begins to stretch him with a rope assisted rear chin lock.
PKA yells ”YA WANNA GET ULTRAVIOLENT WITH ME?!”; as he shoves one of the make-up pencils into Hugo’s head. VRJ still on the apron holds the mirror up for PKA. PKA fixes the eyeliner on his other eye; then jabs the pencil into Hugo’s head. PKA allows Hugo to drop to the canvas; before putting the final touches on his eyeliner with another pencil. After being given confirmation that it looks o.k.; PKA attempts what looks like a stalling fist drop. Hugo rolls out of the way! PKA looks at the eyeliner pencil stuck in the canvas; with great frustration.
Hugo writhes about pulling the pencils from his head. PKA rolls out onto the ring apron; grabbing the light tube in the process. As Hugo rises to his feet PKA uses the light tube as a guitar on the apron; PKA’s back to Hugo. Hugo charges and blasts PKA with a Big Boot to the back of the head. PKA flies face into the guard rail; tossing his light tube to VRJ. Hugo quickly riles the audience up as he gains momentum by rebounding off the ropes. PKA staggers back into a worried VRJ; who hands PKA his light tube. Hugo with a suicide dive attempt! PKA blasts him in the face with the light tube! VRJ takes a moment to check on his other client; a bloodied Hugo Strange. PKA pushes VRJ to the side for a pin attempt.
PKA digs the broken light tube into the head of Hugo; then motions for VRJ to slide the Gusset Plate Cross into the ring. VRJ follows orders and sets the Gusset Plate Cross up in a corner. PKA attempts to slide Hugo into the ring. Hugo counters with a series of stiff head butts; that take PKA to a knee. Hugo lifts PKA up and drives him back first into the ring steps; then covers him.
A bloodied Hugo powers PKA up and throws him back into the ring. Hugo pulls himself upon to the apron. PKA up to his feet now charges at Hugo; Hugo drives his shoulder into PKA’s gut. Hugo steps through the ropes; PKA kicks the middle rope into the groin of Hugo. PKA attacks with a series of stiff stomps; then uses the middle rope to spring up into the air for a knee drop. PKA snaps his finger; VRJ quickly shoves a box of light tubes under the bottom rope.
As Hugo attempts to rise to his feet; PKA continues the punishment. PKA bust one light tube after another on the back of Hugo! Hugo shakes off the light; then looks PKA dead in the eye. ”IS THAT ALL YOU FUCKIN’ GOT?!” PKA plays a light tube like the guitar once more. Without hesitation PKA busts it over the head of Hugo. PKA admires the glass sticking out of Hugo’s forehead and spins around holding a crucifix pose; ”CHRIST HAS FUCKIN’ RISEN!” Hugo pulls a piece of the light tube from his forehead; this only infuriates him. Hugo catches the still spinning PKA with a half nelson. PKA attempts to fight out of it, but Hugo over powers him and powers him up and drives him down into the Gusset Plate cross with Full nelson slam!(Moose Bomb)
PKA writhes in agony as Hugo attempts a pin.
Not letting the kick out phrase him; Hugo stacks the remaining light tubes on each other. Hugo powers PKA upon his shoulders with a fireman’s carry. Hugo pushes PKA’s legs straight up into the air drops down with a brainbuster right into the pile of light tubes!(Strange Driver #2) Hugo hooks the leg of PKA as he pins him.
Randy Long: “Here is your winner! HUUUUUUGOOOO STRAAAAAANGE!”
Hugo is sitting in the ring blood running down his face and he calls for a mic.
Hugo Strange: DYLAN, OH DYLAN didn't this look fun. You sit there and say you are retired, but I see you got some fight left in those eyes.
Hugo pulls himself to his feet.
Hugo Strange: Dylan, I see how bad you miss the ring, I know how bad you miss that feeling hearing the crowd chant your name.
The crowd goes into a "Dylan Daniels" chant as Hugo drops the mic and his music hits. Will Dylan Daniels respond to this challenge from Hugo Strange?! If only he was at the commentary table as advertised. Perhaps he avoided the commentary table because of Hugo's challenge days prior?
A WARPED camera crew are roaming the building when they happen upon Crowbar, who is sitting reading a leather covered book. He's mostly neutral in his reaction to it, maybe a slight smirk here and there. He starts shaking his head slowly as he turns the page. Putting his head down at points and sighing, almost apologetically. He looks up and notices the camera and shuts the book, placing the bookmark around a quarter of the way into it before putting it in his hand beside him and walking off.
Junior Heavyweight Title Tournament Match - Chris Moore vs. Malik Logan
We cut to the middle of the ring where Randy Long is standing in the center and Chris Moore is stretching against the ring ropes.
Randy Long: "The following contest is part of the Junior-Heavyweight Championship tournament and is scheduled for one fall..."
The fans cheer at the return of the Junior-Heavyweight title.
Randy Long: "In the ring, weighing in at two-hundred and twenty pounds, he hails from Los Angeles, California...CHRIIIIIIS MOOORE!"
Chris raises a hand but looks mainly focused at the task ahead, he receives a small pop from the Detroit fans. Suddenly, the lights in the arena go dim, red flashing lights appear on the stage and 'Undead' by Hollywood Undead starts to play to a pop from the fans in attendance. As the chorus kicks in Malik Logan, the WARPED Original, appears through the curtains. He soaks in the fans reaction before raising one arm and making his way down the entrance ramp.
Randy Long: "And his opponent, also weighing in at two-hundred and twenty pounds, hailing from Worcester, Massachussets...The Hitman...MAAAAAALIK LOOOOOGAN!"
The fans get pumped up even more and are audibly cheering from the Worcester Tornado. He walks to the left of the ring, slaps a few fans hands before running onto the ring apron and sliding along ala Dolph Ziggler. Malik climbs through the ropes and ascends the diagonal turnbuckle - he lowers his head before raising his arms followed by his head to a huge cheer.
Kris Red: "I think I know what side these fans are on."
Malik jumps down from the turnbuckle and starts to eye up his opponent as he stretches against the ropes. The official in the striped shirt calls for the bell, the timekeeper clangs the hammer to the metal and we are underway! Malik Logan and Chris Moore circle each other in the center of the ring, neither man taking an eye off of each other.
Tony D: "The Junior-Heavyweight Championship tournament is officially underway, are we looking at the next Junior-Heavyweight Champion right now?"
Chris Moore goes for a Malik's legs but Malik jumps over him and runs against the ropes, Chris stays on the mat as Malik jumps over him and against the opposite ropes, Malik jumps and goes to drop an elbow but Chris Moore moves out of the way and pops to his feet. Malik lays on the floor clutching his elbow as Chris now runs the ropes, Malik grabs his ankles as he runs causing Chris to fall flat on his face. Malik attempts a headlock but Chris wriggles out and successfully locks in an armbar submission.
Tony D: "Good mat wrestling to get things going here."
Kris Red: "Screw this, Tony, we want to see high-flying Junior-Heavyweight action!"
Malik rolls out of the armbar as both men get to their feet, he finds himself being irish whipped into the ropes, he returns with a huge hurricanrana sending Chris Moore flying out of the ring and onto the mat outside. Malik checks on where his opponent is and grins, he sprints towards the ropes and springs under the top rope shoulder first - Moore moves! Malik hits the metal guardrail with a huge thud sending it back into the front row. Malik clutches his shoulder in pain as Chris lays in a few kicks to his ribs.
Kris Red: "That's more like it!"
Chris whips Malik into the ring apron, he runs at him and hits a clean elbow to the face. Malik holds his face in pain and checks that his nose isn't bleeding, Chris throws him back into the ring but makes his sure his head is still on the apron and slightly dangling off the edge. Chris looks out at the crowd and takes a few steps back, he runs and goes to kick Malik in the head but Malik rolls out of the way causing Moore to kick the metal ringpost. He hobbles around the outside of the ring clutching his ankle, limping. Meanwhile, Malik climbs the turnbuckle to a cheer from the crowd, leaps off and hits a sweet cross-body sending both men crashing to the mat.
Kris Red: "Malik's got air miles!"
The crowd applause in appreciation of the high-flying dangerous move just performed by the Wortown Warrior. Unsurprisingly, Malik is the first man to his feet, he throws Chris Moore back into the ring, Chris rolls to the center and begins to get to his feet. Malik climbs the ring apron, springboards off the top rope and attempts a flying clothesline...
Tony D: "SUPERKICK TO THE FACE!"
Chris Moore sees Malik Logan flying through the air and kicks him square in the jaw!
Kris Red: "I think Chris Moore's facial features just flew across the Cobo Center!"
Chris Moore goes for the cover
Malik Logan lifts a shoulder just in time. Chris Moore picks him up by his hair and DDT's him back to the mat, Malik Logan's head bounces off the canvas. Chris Moore decides not to go for the cover once again but picks his opponent back up to his feet, he whips him into the turnbuckle. Malik is still shaken up from the superkick and just barely holds himself up in the corner. Chris Moore runs towards him and attempts a shoulder spear...
Tony D: "Malik moved! I think Chris Moore has broken his shoulder!"
Malik jumps out of the way and Chris hits nothing but bare steel. Chris lays on the second turnbuckle, his shoulder still against the post and grimaces in pain. Malik climbs over him to the top turnbuckle, turns around and shoots a grin at the Cobo Center crowd. Malik Logan flips over the top of Chris Moore and manages to hit a Sunset Flip Powerbomb sending his opponent crashing hard into the center of the mat! Once again met to a chant of appreciation from the Detroit faithful. Chris knows a cover is imminent so attempts to get to his feet, dazed and confused. Malik places Chris's head between his legs and hits a devastating Double Pumphandle Orange Crush!
Tony D: "He calls that the Massachussets Massacre! I'm sure that'll go down well with the fans here tonight!"
And just as Tony D predicted the fans start chanting Hitman's name as he goes for the cover, the fans chant along with the referee's count
Chris Moore gets a shoulder up! Malik Logan can't believe it, the fans in the Cobo Center can't believe it and I'm not even sure if Chris Moore can't believe it as he lays on the mat breathing heavily. Malik Logan decides it's time to go back to the top turnbuckle, he makes his ascent facing the fans, without even taking a look back he springs off and goes for the moonsault - Chris Moore tucks his knees to his chest and the air rushes out of Malik's bruised and possibly broken ribs.
Tony D: "Chris Moore has life in him, that simply HAD to hurt Malik Logan."
Kris Red: "I can tell you first hand that really does hurt, Tony."
Chris is struggling to capitalize as he gets to his feet, Malik is getting to his feet too. Chris seizes the moment and locks his opponent in a standing camel clutch!
Tony D: "I've seen Chris Moore do this before, if he can get all of this he calls it the "But Wait, There's Moore!"
Kris Red: "Really?"
Tony D: "A Cobra Clutch Backbreaker!"
Chris attempts to lift his opponent to complete the move by hitting the backbreaker but Malik backs up and sandwiches his opponent against the turnbuckle causing Moore to break the hold and give up attempting the 'But Wait, There's Moore. Malik makes his way to the center of the ring and composes himself, Chris Moore runs towards him but is hit with a Japanese Arm Drag sending him onto his back and looking up at the lights. Malik picks him back up by his blonde hair and places his head between his legs, he lifts Chris up for the powerbomb but grabs Chris's head and hits a Phoenix Plex!
Tony D: "Amazi-plex by The Hitman! Shoulders are down..."
Thr....Chris Moore somehow kicks out once again!
Tony D: "Chris Moore is still in it!"
Kris Red: "HOW?!"
Malik can't believe it, the fans are in awe not only at the flawless Amazi-plex pulled off by the Hitman but the fact that Chris Moore still manages to lift a shoulder up off the mat after the beating he has received. Moore is still holding his shoulder as he tries to get back to a vertical base. Malik backs himself up into the corner and stretches out his hands, he makes a gun shape out of one of his hands and points it at his opponent.
Kris Red: "This is it, this has to be it."
Chris Moore gets to a standing position clutching his shoulder, Malik "pulls the trigger" and runs out of the corner and knocks his opponents face square off with a superkick!
Tony D: "Malik Logan's finishing move - 'The Gun Shot! Malik hooks the leg!"
The referee calls for the bell as Chris Moore is unable to answer the three-count. 'Undead' by Hollywood Undead blasts through the arena as the fans cheer for The Wortown Warrior.
Randy Long: "Here is your winner and advancing to the next round of the Junior-Heavyweight Championship tournament....MAAALIK LOOOOGAN!"
The referee raises Malik's hand.
Tony D: "What a way to kick off the tournament, Malik Logan advances!"
Kris Red: "I love it. We have the Junior Heavyweight Division returning, well, debuting in WARPED. We have FnX matches.. this is like the old days!"
Crowbar walks in to Joey Matthew's office. He throws the book he was previously reading onto his desk without uttering a word. An annoyed Joey grabs the book and looks at it. He opens the book to where the bookmark is. He reads, and looks up at Crowbar.
President Joey Matthew: "It's Over? Yeah, I know it is. I said it was over a long time ago. Shouldn't you be getting ready for your match instead of telling me stuff I already know? Please."
Joey closes the book and tosses it in the trash. Crowbar smirks, turns and walks out as the camera pans down to the trash, revealing the old AbominationZ A logo etched on the front of the book.
Monster vs Monster - Gefahr vs. King KUMA
Randy Long: “The following contest is one fall to a finish. Introducing first, in the corner to my right. He weighs in at 295lbs and stands 6’7”. KIIING KUUUUUMAAAAAA!”
Randy Long: “To my left, his opponent. From Germany! Weighing in at 364lbs; and standing at an incredible 7’4”; GEFAAAHR!
KUMA begins driving the bigger Gefahr into the corner with stiff palm strikes to the chest. Once in the corner KUMA begins to chop away at the huge chest of Gefahr. Gefahr blocks a chop and counters with a back elbow; staggering KUMA in the process. Gefahr attempts another back elbow; KUMA ducks. KUMA quickly begins to kick at the leg of the Giant Gefahr. Gefahr begins to circle the ring with assistance from the ropes. KUMA lands another kick to the knee of Gefahr. An angered Gefahr pushes the relentless KUMA aside. The two behemoths begin throwing heavy handed punches back and forth; neither man giving and inch!
KUMA connects with a quick kick to the knee of Gefahr; Gefahr pushes KUMA back. KUMA and Gefahr only seem to have angered each other with the striking battle that has ensued. Gefahr charges into a standing side kick from KUMA; that dazes him. Gefahr shakes the side kick off and quickly goozles KUMA. KUMA immediately lays into the gut of Gefahr with a set of defensive, left and right hooks.
Locked in a clinch; Gefahr powers KUMA into the corner with a few stiff upper cuts to the midsection. Gefahr lays into KUMA with three overhand chops that echo through Cobo Center. Gefahr follows the chops up with a head butt; that only fires up KUMA.
Gefahr lands another head butt; firing up KUMA even more. KUMA quickly attempts a Tongan death grip; Gefahr counters using his longer reach to goozle KUMA. Gefahr powers KUMA up into the air and drives him into the mat with a vicious looking choke slam. Gefahr hooks the leg of KUMA as he pins him.
Randy Long: “Here’s your winner, GEEFAAAAHR!
Gefahr exits the ring. He pauses before he walks back up the aisle. With a fire in his eyes he grabs the nearest steel chair he can find. The German Giant re-enters the ring; then wraps the chair around the neck of King KUMA. The referee attempts to stop him; Gefahr tosses the referee aside. Gefahr ascends to the middle rope and signals for KUMA’s demise; before leaping into the air and stomping on the steel chair around KUMA’s neck.
Backstage, we see Kelly Calloway approach a tired Malik "The Hitman" Logan with a microphone.
Kelly Calloway: "Malik Logan, congratulations on your victory tonight over Chris Moore and advancing into the tournament for the Junior Heavyweight Championship. If I could get a moment of your time before you hit the showers, how does it feel to be back in WARPED and on track to becoming the first ever WARPED Juni- OH GOD!"
Suddenly Malik Logan is attacked with a LEAD PIPE by a tall man with a black hockey mask on, wearing a black tank top that has "HSW" in blue writing on it. Malik Logan is laid out as the man escapes off camera and Kelly Calloway shrieks for help! That man was obviously wearing a Headstrong Wrestling t-shirt but who could it be and why did he attack Malik Logan?!
TLC Grudge Match - Tables, Ladders, Crowbars - Anton Chase vs. Crowbar
Tony D: Kris, do you know what time it is?
Kris Red: No Tony D, I forgot to put on my watch this morning.
Tony D: Funny. But I was referring to what match is next. It is time for TLC.
Kris Red: Table, Ladders and Crowbars…oh my!
Tony D: Well something to that effect.
As Faint By Linkin Park blasts over the pa system, white smoke fills the entrance way as a person is seen behind the white smoke, as the person steps forward in front of the white smoke Anton Chase makes his way down the ramp way, with a cocky smile on his face and his arms out at the side, he climbs in the ring and climbs the second ropes and puts one hand up in the air.
Randy Long: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is the Tables, Ladders and Crowbars match. Introducing first from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at two hundred ten pounds, THE FUTURE ANTON CHAAASE!!
Tony D: Anton Chase has been very much the instigator in this rivalry. For weeks he has been getting involved and attacking Crowbar, let’s make no mistake about it Kris, this is a different Anton Chase to the one we have been used to.
Kris Red: This is a better Anton Chase; this is an Anton Chase with a mean streak. He is taking matters into his own hands and I love it.
"Headbanger Victimized" hits the arena with the lights pulsing a deep red. Crowbar is nowhere to be seen though.
Tony D: Perhaps some mind games from Crowbar making Anton Chase wait.
Kris Red: This is just going to piss him off more Tony D.
The music stops and the lights come back up. Chase looks to the referee asking him what is going on. Crowbar then appears from under the ring wearing blue jeans, converse sneakers, a black t-shirt and leather jacket with a crowbar in hand.
Tony D: There he is, Crowbar is here, he has been hiding under the ring!
Crowbar enters the ring and sneaks up behind Anton Chase hitting him with the Crowbar causing him to buckle to the floor and the referee calls for the bell.
Tony D: We are under way here, don’t expect this to be pretty, this will no doubt be an all-out war.
Kris Red: Crowbar is at home in a match like this with no rules, you add in this new and improved Anton Chase we may as well call ahead to the hospital and reserve two rooms.
Tony D: The ambulance better be on standby.
Crowbar continues the assault, laying the crowbar into the fallen Anton Chase repeatedly. Crowbar finally stops and taunts the crowd before dropping the crowbar and taking his jacket off as Chase rolls out of the ring.
Tony D: Crowbar with an early advantage after that sneak attack on Anton Chase.
Kris Red: Anton has rolled out of the ring, not sure how much of that was intentional, but he is creating some space between himself and Crowbar at least momentarily.
Crowbar puts his jacket down in the corner before making his way to the outside after Chase. Chase is trying to get back to his feet grabbing on to anything he can trying to pull himself up. Crowbar makes his way around to Chase and grabs him by the neck and pulling him up before chopping the chest of Anton Chase prompting a Wooo from the crowd.
Kris Red: Having been on the receiving end of those chops from Crowbar I can tell your from experience Tony D, they hurt like hell.
Tony D: Anton’s chest is being lit up, those chops are quickly turning his chest red.
Crowbar then whips Chase off sending him back first into the steel guard rails at ringside. Crowbar then grabs a ladder from around ringside and slides it into the ring, rolling in after it.
Tony D: I don’t know what Crowbar has in mind, but I’m not sure I like it.
Crowbar begins to set up the ladder in the middle of the ring. By the time he has it up Anton Chase is back in the ring and finally mounting some offence coming from behind with a forearm to the back of the neck. Crowbar stumbles to the other side of the ring before facing Chase. Both men circle the ladder looking for an opportunity to pounce.
Tony D: Well now we have something of a stand-off Kris.
Kris Red: It is now all about who is willing to take the risk that could either see them take control in this match or end up leaving this arena in an ambulance.
Both men charge towards the ladder grabbing at it to try and use it as a weapon. Chase uses a little innovation and drop kicks Crowbar in between the ladder causing him to fall back. Chase then drops the ladder on top of Crowbar with the point of the ladder coming down hard on the already injured neck of Crowbar.
Tony D: Anton Chase going back after the neck of Crowbar.
Kris Red: It’s a smart move.
Tony D: It’s not, it could be career threatening.
Crowbar staggers to his feet looking dazed as Anton Chase picks up the ladder and throws it at him sending Crowbar back to the mat. Chase looks to the crowbar lying in the ring and gets a sadistic smile on his face.
Kris Red: Now Crowbar is in trouble.
Tony D: This can’t end well.
Chase picks up the crowbar and turns to Crowbar who is pulling himself up using the ropes. Chase charges towards Crowbar who slips out of the ring at the last second avoiding the contact with the crowbar.
Tony D: Crowbar looks quite proud of himself for getting out of the way there.
Kris Red: I wouldn’t be because here comes Chase.
Anton Chase drops the crowbar and hits the ropes flying to the outside with a suicide dive which drives Crowbar into the guard rails. Chase immediately gets back up and runs back into the ring hitting the ropes before preforming another suicide dive on Crowbar who is being propped up by the guard rail on the outside. Again Chase immediately gets back up and for a third time hits the suicide dive sending the crowd into a frenzy.
Tony D: A HATTRICK OF SUICIDE DIVES!
Kris Red: This crowd is hot tonight, they are about to blow the roof off this joint.
Tony D: Chase isn’t finished yet.
Chase reaches inside the ring and grabs the crowbar. Crowbar in the meantime is trying to get away crawling around the ringside as he struggles to recover from those suicide dives.
Tony D: Crowbar looks in a bad way.
Kris Red: I can’t see it getting any better because here comes Anton Chase.
Chase follows Crowbar around the ring with the crowbar in hand. As he approaches behind Crowbar, who is crawling on all fours, Chase kicks him back to the ground. Crowbar then attempts to crawl under the ring but Chase grabs him by the ankle and drags him back out.
Kris Red: Crowbar is doing all he can to get away from Anton Chase right now.
Tony D: I would to if someone was coming after me with a crowbar.
Finally Crowbar’s head and arms reappear from under the ring, Chase tries to pull Crowbar up but one of Crowbars arms flies up and all of a sudden falls to the floor jerking a little.
Kris Red: What the hell happened there.
Tony D: It looks like Crowbar hit Chase with something.
Crowbar slowly gets back to his feet and holds high above his head a taser that he just shocked Anton Chase with.
Tony D: He just tased Anton Chase.
Crowbar taunts the crowd with his taser and as Anton Chase begins to move Crowbar returns with a taser shock to the size of the head.
Tony D: We need someone to get that taser out of here, why the hell was it even under the ring.
Kris Red: My guess is Crowbar had this planned all along.
Crowbar now rolls Chase back into the ring and quickly follows behind. Crowbar looking for the cover.
Tony D: Anton Chase somehow managing to kick out there.
Kris Red: It takes more than electricity pumping through your body to keep Anton Chase down.
Tony D: So it would seem.
Crowbar is in shock. He rolls to the outside and looks under the table as Anton Chase is recovering in the ring. Crowbar pulls out a table and slides it into the ring before pulling out a second one which he sets up on the outside.
Tony D: Evil thoughts are brewing in the head of Crowbar now.
Crowbar gets back in the right. Anton Chase is in the corner pulling himself back to his feet. As Crowbar approaches Chase bursts out of the corner with a superkick catching Crowbar right on the jaw.
Tony D: But there is still life left in Anton Chase.
Crowbar bounces back to his feet and Chase grabs him around the waist and hitting a releasing German suplex on Crowbar who comes down on the ladder.
Tony D: Crowbar is in trouble, he just back down neck first on that ladder.
Kris Red: That’s the risk you take when you get into a match like this.
Crowbar is lying face down on top of the ladder now clutching at his neck and Chase looks to keep his offence going by hitting a standing moonsault crushing Crowbar into the ladder more. Chase quickly rolls him over and looks for the cover.
Kris Red: Crowbar just manages to get the shoulder up in the nick of time.
Tony D: He should have stayed down and lived to fight another day. His neck must be really messed up.
Anton Chase looks upset that that wasn’t a three count. He rolls out side and across to the announce table to grab a steel chair throwing it into the ring hitting Crowbar as he struggles to get up.
Tony D: I think that was a bit of a trick shot Kris.
Kris Red: I wouldn’t put it past Chase to have intentionally done something like that.
Chase gets back into the ring and right away picks up the steel chair cracking it across the back of Crowbar before sitting it down in the center of the ring. He grabs Crowbar and pulls him back up placing him in between his legs. Chase grabs the waist and pulls Crowbar up into a piledriver while standing over the steel chair.
Tony D: NO! Don’t do this!
Chase drops down piledriving Crowbar to the steel cheer.
Tony D: My God his neck must have shattered into a million pieces.
Kris Red: That is exactly what you don’t want to happen when you have an injured neck.
Anton Chase looks proud of himself, he laughs at his fallen opponent before applying the crossface.
Kris Red: Anton applying more pressure to the neck of Crowbar with this crossface.
Tony D: Anton Chase is sick!
Crowbar is screaming in pain trying to shuffle towards the ropes.
Tony D: Just tap Crowbar, it’s not worth it.
Kris Red: A bet he thinks it is. He is a fighter Tony D.
Crowbar eventually makes it to the ropes causing Chase to break the hold.
Tony D: I fear the damage has already been done.
Chase is getting increasingly frustrated. He lays a couple of boots into Crowbar before setting up the table that was slid into the ring earlier. Chase turns back to Crowbar and drags him over to the table connecting with some forearm strikes as he sets Crowbar up on the table.
Kris Red: Anton Chase is going to fly and Crowbar is going to be in trouble.
Tony D: This could be game over.
Chase goes to the top rope and measures Crowbar but just before he jumps off Crowbar manages to roll off the table on out of the ring. The boos ring loud from the fans.
Tony D: Crowbar managing to get out of the way before he was drove through that table in the ring.
A frustrated Anton Chase climbs down from the turnbuckle and onto the apron. He runs across the apron and takes down Crowbar with a somersault plancha.
Kris Red: Crowbar managed to run but he couldn’t hide from Anton Chase.
Chase continues his assault whipping Crowbar into the ring post and working their way around the ring to the table which has been set up on the outside. Chase bounces Crowbar’s head off the edge of the ring before laying him down on the table.
Tony D: It looks like Chase is going to try and but this time on the outside.
Chase makes his way to the top turnbuckle again. He measures up Crowbar.
Kris Red: Say goodnight.
Chase dives off the top turnbuckle with a shooting star press to the outside through the table, but Crowbar at the last second rolled out of the way and Anton goes crashing through the table himself.
Kris Red: UNBELIEVABLE! That was almost a perfect Shooting Star Press but Crowbar with seconds to spare managed to get out of the way.
Tony D: I’m not sure where we go from here, both these men are down on the outside, it looks like a car wreck out here.
Kris Red: The referee is out checking on both of them right now, they have put their bodies on the line here tonight.
Crowbar begins to move, he slowly makes his way back to his feet first, as Anton Chase climbs out of the wrecked remains of the table. Crowbar knees Chase in the guy and rolls him back into the ring following quickly behind. Chase staggers back to his feet but walks into trouble as Crowbar grabs him in a double underhook and drops down into a DDT and into the cover.
Tony D: A last ditch reaction from Anton Chase to get that shoulder up.
Kris Red: I thought that was it Tony D.
Tony D: I don’t know how either of these men has anything left.
Crowbar slaps the mat and gets back up grabbing the head of Anton Chase and pulling him up also. Chase tried to fight back with a right hand, Crowbar returns with one of his own and both men begin to exchange punches. Crowbar takes a slight advantage after two right he hits a European uppercut which has Chase staggered but chase replies with a Pele kick catching Crowbar on the back of the head and both men are down again.
Kris Red: That’s impressive, even at this stage of the match Anton Chase is still able to pull out a move like that.
Crowbar is back to his knees as Chase hits the ropes coming back and swinging neck breaker.
Tony D: Chase is going back to work on the neck of Crowbar, I can’t believe he can still move right now.
Chase begins making his way to the top turnbuckle once more but is a little sluggish. Crowbar is almost back on his feet but falls against the ropes causing Anton Chase to come crashing down on the top turnbuckle.
Kris Red: Every man in this arena has just cringed simultaneously. No man wants to see that happen.
Tony D; I’m not even sure if Crowbar ment to do that, I think he just lost his balance.
Crowbar sees Chase spread eagled across the top turnbuckle and he makes his way up to join him.
Tony D: Why do this, it never ends well for anyone.
Crowbar hits a couple of right on Chase before hooking him up for a suplex. Crowbar stops and jumps down off the turnbuckle as Chase sits there dazed.
Tony D: Thank god, Crowbar has seen sense.
Crowbar walks to the other side and grabs the table Anton set up earlier and moves it closer to Anton.
Kris Red: Maybe not Tony D, I think he wants to make it worse.
Crowbar has a sick smile on his face as he picks up the taser gun again.
Tony D: No not this again, why didn’t the referee get rid of that while he had the chance.
Crowbar goes back to Chase and tases him on the side of the neck. He drops the Taser and goes reaching into his pocket pulling out a yellow bottle. Crowbar begins to spray it all over the table.
Tony D: Kris that is lighter fluid.
Kris Red: WHAT! What is he doing with lighter fluid?
Tony D: I dread to think.
With the table now closer and covered in lighter fluid Crowbar returns to the turnbuckle with the tased and dazed Anton Chase. Crowbar reaches into his pocket one more time pulling out a book of matches, he lights them and throws them onto the table which goes up in a matter of seconds.
Tony D: HOLY…
Kris Red: These two are trying to kill each other.
Crowbar turns his attention back to Chase who low blows him. Chase now standing on the top rope below the inferno pulls Crowbar up setting him up for the Chaos Theory.
Tony D: THE CHAOS THEORY THROUGH A BURNING TABLE!!!
Anton Chase jumps off the top turnbuckle and hitting the Chaos Theory on Crowbar while plunging him through a burning table which results in Crowbar rolling around the ring in burning pain.
Kris Red: That’s what’s up Tony D. Tony D: You can’t tell me you enjoyed that.
Kris Red: The only downside to that is the smell of burning hair.
Tony D: You have lost it.
Crowbar now lies motionless as Chase crawls over to make the cover.
Kris Red: IT IS OVAAAA!
Tony D: Thank god for that.
Both men lie motionless with the referee checking on them as Faint By Linkin Park is played.
Randy Long: Here is your winner…ANTON CHAAAAASSSSSEE!!!
Tony D: Anton Chase certainly doesn’t look like a winner right now, neither of these men do.
Kris Red: Can you blame them, they put their life on the line for out entertainment, enjoy the moment while it lasts.
Mr. Rottentreats: “Tonight, will possibly go down as one of; if not the biggest night in my career.”
The darkness fades to show Mr. Rottentreats lacing up a pair of faded lime wrestling boots.
Mr. Rottentreats: “Here lately, I’ve been getting a real kick out of hearing myself talk. Tonight, I’m going to get a real kick out of hearing the air escape William Wallace’s lungs. But, I’m going to get the biggest kick out of Randy Long belting out the following. YOUR NEW WARPED WORLD CHAMPION! MR. ROTTEEEEENTREEEATS!! See, everyone thinks I ran away when Rough Ryder and Switchblade took me out. Nah, I told Joey I’d be back; and better than ever. Did I lie Joey? Nah, Puerto Rico changed me, for the better. Tonight IS MY NIGHT!”
Main Event: World Championship Match - William Wallace(c) vs. Mr. Rottentreats
This was a match for the World Championship of WARPED Wrestling held by William Wallace and being challenged by Mr. Rottentreats. That man, Treats, holds a victory over William Wallace after using an exposed turnbuckle pad to get the victory. Wallace would later score a victory over Cameron MacNichol with the same, and many think he might try to do so again. But Treats isn't one to be out-done with the tricks of the trade, so we imagine going into this match that they'll both have a couple special things up each other's sleeves, and pant legs. This match is summarized because a fight between SHEEP SHEEP forked it all up. That's what we heard, at least.
By the way, by the time the main event rolled around, Cobo Center was a SELL OUT! Nearly 12,000 fans. Congratulations, WARPED.
The match began as the two men stood face to face in a staredown. The tension between the two was so thick you could CUT IT WITH A KNIFE! Of course, Wallace probably wanted to cut Mr. Rottentreats with one after he started the match with a giant kiss to the nose. But rather than find a knife, he opted to deliver the GLASSGOW KISS HEADBUTTS and bust Treats wide open! This sent the crowd into a frenzy and William Wallace would control the match for many minutes after. With blood trickling down the face of Mr. Rottentreats, flowing over the facepaint, Wallace found that the ring ropes made a great strangling weapon as he choked the life out of Treats. The fans learned that William Wallace has not changed one bit but found that Mr. Rottentreats is the true champion they want to cheer for! Wallace continued his underhanded tactics in the early stages of the match as he Irish/Scottish Whipped Treats into the ring steps and barricades repeatedly. But don't count him out.. literally.. as Wallace made sure to break the count and keep within the rules as much as possible. Mr. Rottentreats was getting his ass whipped (in more ways than one) on the outside of the ring as fans cheer him on. One fan even offered Treats a bottle of Faygo, a fine sponsor of the Murder Mitten Mayhem Tour. Treats took that bottle and after having a drink (without his lips touching the bottle) he spewed that drink right in the FACE of Wallace! The referee's back was turned at the time, dealing with another issue that popped up moments ago.. and that is that Wallace exposed the turnbuckle pad. Oh, that dasterdly Wallace. Treats got a big pop for his use of a pop and this was his chance for the Three Jabs/Discus Eye Poke of DOOM~! He was successful at that, but would soon be hurled back into the ring-steps by Wallace. He took Treats back into the ring and put the boots to him yet again in the corner. Wallace ripped off every single turnbuckle pad in a fit of rage and he called for the Freedom Drop into the turnbuckle but that's when Treats countered into a ROTTEN RANA and sent Wallace face-first into the turnbuckle!! This busted the World Champion WIDE OPEN and almost got Treats a win off of a rollup, but just TWO~! Mr. Rottentreats was shining like a son of a bitch for many minutes after this and the fans were firmly behind him with every cravate, armbar, and knee to the face. With both men busted up at the fifteen minute mark in the match, they've got a nice soup of crimson to swim in. Treats went for a Rotten Rollup with the Snapmare directed for the turnbuckle, but Wallace countered and pushed Treats into the corner, but Treats hopped onto the middle buckle and leaped back with a sunset flip for a near fall. Both men were sluggish and slow to their feet and Treats looked for a Shining Wizard~! but Wallace rolls him up for a nearfall and suddenly turns it into the Loch Ness submission hold attempt.....but Treats escaped and somehow hit a Misery Driver! Shout out to Dylan Daniels! That only got him a two count though and he'd soon be attempting something but whatever it was, it wasn't possible, as Wallace again locked in the Loch Ness and this time he had Treats locked in that sumbitch!! Treats is bleeding everywhere and we can't quite tell if he has more paint or blood on his face. Treats was OUT and the referee checked on him to raise the hand once.. and it dropped. He raised it again... dropped! And as the ref raised the hand a third time, Treats has some fight left in him!! Wallace could not believe it and Treats out of nowhere hit a slingshot that sent Wallace right into the exposed turnbuckle...(or did it?) as Wallace looked to have blocked it but Treats' vision is so impaired that he didn't quite notice. He then pulls out his special MAGIC BLUNT and this is when he makes his huge comeback and WILLIAM WALLACE HITS A GERMAN SUPLEX INTO THE EXPOSED TURNBUCKLE AND MR ROTTENTREATS WAS SENT TUMBLING TO THE RINGSIDE AREA THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!!!!!! The fans, of course, let out the loudest and longest HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT chant you've ever heard. Its not known whether Wallace intentionally threw Treats over the ropes and through the table, but it looked like he didn't mean to do that at all. In fact, it looked like Treats attempted to grab on to the top rope and may had jacked his arm up. His landing was NOT pretty. This led to a referee and paramedics checking on Mr. Rottentreats and it was clear that he was unable to compete. The referee stopped the match and called William Wallace as the winner. The fans errupted in boos but their new favorite clown was unable to make it up. A stretcher was brought out and Treats was being wheeled up the aisle when William Wallace flipped the stretcher and beat on him. Mr. Rottentreats suddenly mounted a comeback and the fans POPPED but it was short-lived as William Wallace drilled him with a steel chair and took him down. Officials held Wallace back as Treats was down and out. What a way to end the Murder Mitten Mayhem Tour...
"I NEED CHEESEBURGERS"
- Kentucky Tarzan