*The following is intended for a pay per view viewing audience. If you do not like Mature subject matters then please do not read*
(Yadda yadda yadda, the normal PPV Promo schindig that we've been doing for months, you know the deal, let's get on with this PPV. I'm sure you know it's going to be deathly long anyway, no sense keeping you waiting...ack! I'm babbling now! There I go again! Stop it! Noooooooooo! So I'm corny. Sue me. You'd be corny if you had to deal with this for years on end, too. Deal with me. ANYWAY, ON WITH THE SHOW!)
("TNT" by AC/DC plays as we fade in to a tremendous fireworks extravaganze, with tons upon tons of English people pounded in to the London Wembley Stadium out in London, England. It's the IWO Worldwide Tour, with PPVs around the world, and fans here are just going completely nuts over the fact that the Internet Wrestling Organization has finally hit their country. Flags are being flown all over the place, people are yelling and screaming and doing other such random manical acts...it's quite a funny site, actually. It's too bad we don't have a picture. Oh well. Anyway, the camera zooms in on a sign that says "I'm American!" The people next to that guy notice him and start to beat the crap out of him. Nice. JT, Greg Parker (GP), and Johnny Shallow (Shallow) are sitting at the announce booth at ringside.)
Shallow: ....... ....... ....... ..... LOUD IN HERE!
GP: I CAN'T EVEN HEAR MY.... TALK!!
Shallow: I DIDN'T KNOW ...... COULD BE SO LOUD!?
JT: I DIDN'T .... ANYTHING COULD BE THIS ...!!
GP: WELCOME TO DESPERATE MEASURES 2000 FOLKS!! WE'RE HERE LIVE (on just a TINY tape delay for you Americans) FROM LONDON, ENGLAND! WE'VE GOT A CARD THAT'LL BLOW YOU AWAY TONIGHT!!
JT: WE'VE GOT TONS OF BLOODY MATCHES!
Shallow: Whew...it's calming down a tiny in here...I can finally speak...
JT: Yes! It's finally bloody quiet in here!
GP: You're going to get smacked.
JT: Bloody try me!
(GP takes a TV and swings at JT. JT dodges...Shallow also has to duck.)
Shallow: If you had been 2 inches closer it would've been bloody YOU that was bloody!
GP: Enough with the bloody already! It's bloody corny!
JT: Yes, now it's definetely bloody overused.
JT:.............BLOODY! Ok, I'm done now.
Peanut vs. Altoid
GP: I've just gotten word that we're ready for our first match of the
evening, so let's just go to the ring and get this out of the way!
Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Desperate Measures!
(Fans erupt in cheers) The first match of the evening is set for one
fall! Introducing first...
("When Doves Cry" by Prince plays.)
Ring Announcer: He is a monster in his own right, weighing in at a
whopping 79 pounds, the master of the Breath Mint, he is Altoid!
(Silence. Total silence.)
Shallow: This guy is a chump! Listen to these fans!
JT: What fans??
(JT and Shallow laugh.)
GP: Come on, give him more credit than that, this is his first IWO
JT: But he weighs only 79 pounds!!
Shallow: He's a beanpole!!
(JT and Shallow laugh again.)
GP: Oh well... I guess you two will be in your own little world this
Ring Announcer: And his opponent...
("Peanut on the Brain" by DJ Ice begins.)
Ring Announcer: Hailing from the well-known town of Mobile, Alabama, he
is, well... He's big! He weighs 645 pounds, and CANNOT BE PICKED UP!!
HE IS PEAAAAAANUTTTTTT!!!!
(Peanut comes out to laughter. He's also eating a candy bar.)
JT: AND I THOUGHT ALTOID WAS FUNNY!!!!
Shallow: DOES HE EVER STOP EATING??!?!?!?!!
JT: Don't worry about this Greg. Well take this match.
GP: Go right ahead... I probably couldn't stop you anyway...
JT: ALRIGHT!! I GET TO CALL THE MATCH!!!!
Shallow: GO JT!!
JT: HELL YEAH!!!
Shallow: All right, ring that damn bell!!
JT: Here we go! Peanut is in the ring, eating a candy bar. Altoid is
watching him. What a match!!
Shallow: This is boring man. We need some life to this thing.
Jt: Well, Altoid decids to start attacking Peanut, but do you really
think that's going to do anything? Peanut's got a body full of
cappuchino, he's not going to let a little mint bother him.
Shallow: Does Peanut even know he's in a match?
JT: I don't think so. It's kinda funny, isn't it?
Shallow: Yeah, look at Altoid, what's that, five dropkicks?
JT: Something like that. And he can't even move the big fellow!
Shallow: And Altoid is spent!
JT: He better pick a better gameplan, or just give up. There's no way
he can win this match.
Shallow: Hey, where's he going?
JT: Altoid's heading to the stands! The ref starts the count, but
Altoid doesn't go too far. He's talking to some guy sitting about 15
rows back, trying to bargain with him... The ref's up to 6, Altoid
better hurry! Here he comes, with a hot dog!!
Shallow: Damn, he's bringing out the heavy artillery! He's going to
JT: Altoid back in the ring at an 8-count, and he flashes the hot dog
at Peanut! And Peanut is hungry!
Shallow: Oh, that's sick! Look at the drool hanging from Peanut's
JT: Peanut gets up! He's walking for the hot dog! And Altoid trips
Shallow: We're all gonna die!!!!!!!!!!!!
JT: WHAT A FALL!!! I'M SUPRISED THE RING DIDN'T BREAK!
Shallow: Altiod better make the most of this oppurtunity he's been
given, because he may not get another one.
JT: I think Altoid realizes this, and I think he also realizes that
peanut can't get up without too much of an effort. Altoid wants to end
it now. He rolls Peanut to his back... Or he doesn't! HAHAHAH!!! He
can't roll Peanut over! Peanut's too damn fat!
Shallow: I guess all that cappuchino wasn't that bad of an idea anyway!
JT: Altoid still trying to turn Peanut over, but it's not going to
happen. He finally gives up, and damn is he sweating!
Shallow: Time for a new game plan.
JT: And he's now going for some sort of submission move, he's going for
a half-crab! AND HE CAN'T GET PEANUT'S LEG UP!!!!
Shallow: Altoid probably feels like a real dick out there!
JT: This is great! Hey Greg, you enjoying this as much as we are?
Shallow: Um, JT, I think Greg's asleep...
JT: Oh, this is great! I'll be right back!
Shallow: What, you're leaving me alone?? Damn damn damn, this is too
funny to be alone! Oh well, Altoid has finally given up on doing any
kind of offensive move on Peanut, and he once again goes to the outside
of the ring, and he gras a chair! Altoid is pissed! Everybody look
out! Altoid on the rampage!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Oh boy... Well,
Altoid in the ring now, he's got the chair above his head, and
HHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! ALTOID JUST HIT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD
WITH THE CHAIR!!!!!!!
JT: Phew, what a run, what did I miss!
Shallow: Look in the ring! Altoid hit Peanut in the back with the
chair, but Peanut's fat acted like a trampoline, and Altoid hit
Shallow: This is great!! What'd you leave for?
JT: I had to get some stuff.
Shallow: Whipped cream and a feather? Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!
JT: You got it! A little bit of whipped cream on his hand, and you do
the feather work.
Shallow: Hah, look at Greg! He's got whipped cream all over his face!
JT: He's gonna be so pissed at us!!
Shallow: Hey, you're the one sitting next to him!
JT: Huh? HEY, NO FAIR!!!
Shallow: HAHA!! GREG'S GONNA BEAT YOUR SORRY ASS!!
JT: NOT FAIR, NOT FAIR!!
Shallow: Hey, JT, wait a second...
Shallow: What the hell is everybody pointing at?
JT: Where? Wait, I see... But I have no clue!
Shallow: I think something's falling...
JT: In the ring! It fell in the ring... Wait, IT'S DAN KORDIC!!
Shallow: DAN KORDIC'S BACK?!?!?!
JT: DAN KORDIC HAS RETURNED! AND HE'S RIGHT NEXT TO PEANUT!!
Shallow: Hey, and Peanut's standing up!
JT: Why is Dan Kordic here? Has he come to help Altoid?
Shallow: OH NO!!! HOW COULD HE DO IT??!?!!?!?
JT: PEANUT JUST ATE DAN KORDIC!! HE ATE DAN KORDIC, THE FINGER THAT HE
WAS!! NOT DAN KORDIC!! HE'S AN IWO LEGEND IN HIS OWN RIGHT!! AND
Shallow: Well, at least until he craps him out.
JT: Good point.
JT: Hey, look at Peanut! He's pissed at Altoid for teasing him
earlier! Altoid has no idea what to do! PEANUT KNOWS HIM DOWN WITH A
LEFT! HE SITS ON HIM! EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!
Shallow: PEANUT JUST FARTED IN ALTOID'S FACE WHILE SITTING ON HIM!!
THE REF IS COUNTING THIS AS A PIN!! 1!!!! 2!!!!!! 3!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S
OVER!! Peanut wins this contest!!
JT: Oh wow, was that ever fun? At least Goopy didn't come out, or
peanut may have eaten him too! Hey Greg! Greg, wake up!!
GP: Huh? *Groggily* What's going on? AAHHHHHHHH!!!!
GP: JT, YOU MOTHERFUCKER, I HATE YOU!!!! YOU'RE GOING TO GO TO FUCKING
HELL YOU BASTARD!!!!!!
JT: Greg, man, I'm sor...
JT: OWWW! DON'T PULL A NIKKI ON ME MAN!!
GP: Gimme something to wipe me face off bitch, and let's get to that
next match. Who won anyway?
JT: Peanut. It was hilarious. You better get the replay and watch it.
It's worth it.
(a replay is shown of Peanut eating Dan Kordic.)
Mad Max v. Sam Potright
GP: We're back and what a match that was!
JT: We're back? We never left. This is a PAY PER VIEW. We DO NOT leave. We stay here the whole time. We keep the viewers at home company. If we left, they'd be playing with their dingies by now.
Shallow: You're soooooo funny JT.
JT: I don't like you Shallow. I've been here longer then you. So hows this...Your Role - Know It. Your Mouth - Shut It.
Shallow: I'm shakin'.
GP: All right enough you two. I'm getting word that there is something going on in the back, lets get our camera out there.
[Cameras switch to the inside of Zombie's locker room. But Zombie is no where to be found. Suddenly, a closet door swings open and Zombie falls out face first onto the floor. A pool of blood starts to ooze out from under his body.]
GP: OH MY GOD! WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ZOMBIE! IN GODS NAME IN HELL ON EARTH WHAT HAS HAPPENEED TO HIM!?!?!?
JT: He's just bleeding a little. CHill out Greg.
Shallow: Yeah Greg, chill.
JT: Do you ever speak for youself!!?!?! Do you always have to feed off of my comments?? I'm warning you Shallow you better watch your steps tonight son or you might take your last one.
Shallow: Hey...the rhymes!
GP: WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!?? WE ARE GETTING SOME MEN TO CHECK ON ZOMBIE!
JT: And I care because?
GP: You care because it's YOUR DAMN JOB TO CARE!
JT: It's my job to act like a fucking jerk on television. It's your job to be a moron. And it's SHallow's job to try and be and act like me all night long.
Shallow: Ya know something JT...
JT: What? WHAT BITCH!?!?
JT: That's what I thought...chump.
GP: You just gonna take the from him SHallow?
GP: What a pansy!
JT: GREG! You said something hurtful and funny. CONGRATULATIONS!
GP: Awww shucks. Thanks JT. IT SEEMS WE HAVE FOUND THE MEN WHO HAVE DONE THIS TERRIBLE HORRIBLE ACT TO ZOMBIE. OUR CAMERAS ARE RIGHT THERE.
[Cameras cut back to a dark hall way. The screen is all fuzzy and the words "GPTV" appear in big letters. Then the letter fade and the screen becomes clear and focuses on Michael Dudley and Psycho Jay]
GP: I KNEW IT!!!
Psycho Jay: Zombie payed for not keeping his mouth shut.
Michael Dudley: Hell yeah he did!
Psycho Jay: Now I'm gonna win the world title.
Michael: No you're not, I am!
Jay: No, I AM!
Michael: No, I AM!
Jay: No, I AM!
Michael: No, I AM!
Jay: No, I AM!
Michael: No, I AM!
Jay: No, I AM!
Michael: No, I am!
[The cameras fade back to the announce booth as the two keep arguing]
JT: What penises those two are.
GP: They shouldn't have hurt Zombie like that. Something must be done.
Shallow: Lets go beat them up guys. The would be cool.
JT: Are you fucking 5 years old??!? Do you ever say anything 5 percent intelligent!?!? Jeezus!
JT: You're dam right you're sorry! Now be quiet!
GP: Well our next match is scheduled to be Mad Max versus Samuel Potright. Favorites anyone?
JT: Well, my pick is Mad Maxy pad. He's a crazy sun of a bitch. I think Samuel Potright is just out of his league on this one.
GP: What do you think SHallow?
JT: SHALLOW YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
Shallow: Yes sir.
GP: Well I think Samule Potright is gonna pull this one out. He's a rising star here in the IWO and Mad Max is just another guy he has to beat on the way straight to the top.
JT: Well said GP.
GP: Thank you. Now let's see if we can get to the introductions.
"Eye of the Tiger" plays over the sound system. Ladies and gentlemen, standing 6 feet 2 inches tall, weighing in at 207 pounds, he's from parts unknown, master of the 5-Star Frogsplash, accompanied by beth Potright....HE IS "THE SHRIMP" SAMUEL POTRIGHT!!!!!!!
GP: Potright is making his way out with his wife Beth.
JT: It could be his sister, we don't really know do we.
GP: It seems Potright is wearing sweatpants and a head band. He is jogging in place as fast as he can as "Eye of the Tiger" still blasts over the PA system.
JT: What the hell is the pissant doing?
GP: He finally jogs his way to the ring steps, and when he gets to the third one, he turns around and thrusts his hands in the air and starts to cry. Keep in mind "Eye of the Tiger" is still playing.
JT: This guy has some problems.
"Stubb (A Dubb)" By Mr. Bungle beings to blast throughout the arena. Ladies and gentlmen, he stand and astonishing 6 feet 9 inches tall, he weighs in at 298 pounds, hailing from Mego City, Mego, he's the master of the Mania....HE IS MAAAAAAAAAAAAD MAAAAAAX!
GP: Mad max appears at the entrance way and he is getting a huge pop from the crowd. They seem to like him here in London.
JT: Here in London they like everything. They don't even understand the english language.
[JT stands up turns around and gives the entire London audience the finger and yells out "FUCK YOU!" The crows begins to cheer and scream chants of JT JT!]
JT: See! I just insulted them and they are idolizing me for it. What morons. I'm never coming back to this city again.
[JT JT JT!]
JT: Well, on second thought, maybe just for a few days.
GP: All right our wrestlers are in the ring and I think I just heard the bell.
GP: No wait, now I just heard it. Lets get things going. (Max = Mad Max. Sam = Samuel Potright)
Max and Sam circling each other in the ring. They get into a huge staredown. SAM PASSES OUT! Max starts to laugh and grabs hims, takes him up top, and delivers the MANIA!
GP. Mad Max delivers the MANIA! THIS COULD BE ALL OVER RIGHT NOW!!
MAD MAX GOES FOR THE COVER! 1!!!!!! 2!!! 3!!!! NO!!!! SAMMY KICKED OUT!!
JT: He kicked out! Damn!
GP: Potright is still in it. Lets hope he doesnt pass out again.
Max picks Sam up ans swings him into the ropes. Sam comes running back and Max hits a spine buster. He drops and leg on Sam. Then another. AND ANOTHER. Then Max goes up top, HUGE FROGSPLAH NO! Sammy moves and MAx nails the mat and screams out in pain.
GP: Finally. Potright should take the offensive now.
JT: Come on MAx get your as up.
Shallow: Can I say something?
JT: Let me think...ummm...NO!
Sam goes outside and grabs a chair. Max is up. Max flies off the ropes and Sammy goes to nail him with chair. BUT MAD MAX DROP KICKS THE CHAIR RIGHT INTO THE FACE OF SAMUEL POTRIGHT AND POTRIGT IS DOWN ONCE AGAIN!
GP: OH NO! NOT AGAIN!
JT: YES AGAIN! YES AGAIN!
Mad Max picks Potright up and locks on the Angeldust!
GP: No! This could be it for Potty! Mad Max has locked on his ball and chain submission and Potty is fading fast.
JT: The referee lifts his hand.
JT: He lifts it again!
JT: He lifts it the last time! IT STAYS UP. ELBOW TO THE CHEST. ELBOW TO THE CHEST! POTTY FLIES OFF THE ROPES AND COMES BACK AND NAILS MAXY WITH A CLOTHESLINE THE KNOCKED THE SHIT OUT OF HIM!
GP: Potty is back baby!!
Potty goes back and gets that chair and starts to work on the leg of Mad Max with it. Potty throws the chair to the side of the ring. He goes up top. He signals for the FROZEN TIME!
JT: OOHHHH...NOT THE FROZEN TIME. GOOOOD NOOO! NOT!
Potty comes down hard with his 5-Star Frogsplash and makes the cover! 1!! 2!!!!! NO!!! Max kicks out within a heart beat of three!!!
JT: POTTY HAS NOTHING ON MAD MAXY PAD. GO MAXY GO!
Shallow: Can I...
The match continues as is goes back and forth. Max hits a clothesline. Potty hits a ddt. And then 5 minutes later...
[Jt looks over and Shallow]
JT: Are you crying!?!?!
[Shallow doens't say anything. Jt looks down]
JT: OH MY GOD. YOU PEED YOUR PANTS YOU SICKO! WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST GET UP AND GO THE BATHROOM YOU SICK FUCK!!?!?
Shallow: You told me "NO!"
JT: That's right. I did didn't I. Well, go clean yourself up then.
[Shallow leaves the announce table]
JT: What a headcase.
GP: Lets get back to the action!
Mad Max has Potty set up for a huge suplex! No! REVERSE SNAP SUPLEX RIGHT INTO THE CENTER OF THE RING.
JT: I Heard that one from way over hear! SHEESH!
Potright hits the ropes and comes flying back with a huge sunset flip into a pin!!! 1!!! 2!!! NNOO!
GP: SOO close!!!
JT: YES SO FAR AWAY!
Potty picks Max back up. He sets him up, huge sidewalk slam! He follows with a an ever bigger pump handle slam!!!
GP: Potty on a roll baby! WHOOOO!
JT: We'll see how long that lasts.
Potty goes up top. He's going for the Frozen Time once more! He leaps, NO!!! Max moves out of the way!!!
JT: HAHAHAH! YOU SUCK POTHEAD!
Mad Max springs up. He gets that chair from the other side of the ring and throws it in the middle. He picks Potty up and flings him into the ropes. SAMOAN DROP! HUGE SAMOAN DROP RIGHT ONTO THAT CHAIR!!! Mad Max picks Samuel Potright up and takes him over to the corner. He moves him up onto the last turnbuckle!
GP: OH MY GOSH!!
JT YES YOUR GOSH!
Mad Max IS GONNA GO FOR THE MANIA FOR A 2ND TIME. NO! POTTY REVERSED IT! TOP ROPE BACKDROP ONTO THAT CHAIR!!
GP: Potright goes for the cover.......1!!! 2!!!!! 3!!!!!! IT'S ALL OVER. POTRIGHT WINS! POTRIGHT WINS!
JT: OH yeah. Who was right? WHO WAS RIGHT GP?
GP: I was.
JT: That's what I thou....wait...shit.
GP: Well that was a terrific match.
JT: I agree there Greg. But I wonder what's keeping Shallow.
(Shallow comes back in sweat pants.)
Shallow: I'm back.
JT: Heh, peed-your-pants man. What'd you do with your old pants?
Shallow: Threw them in your rental car and set them on fire.
GP: Stop it you two! Who cares about your car anyway, its not like you know how to drive on the other side of the road! Besides, it's not like EVERY SINGLE car you've ever brought to an IWO has been destroyed before! Aren't you used to it?
JT: Good point.
GP: Exactly. Anyway, our next match is a Beginner's Battle Part Two between Jacob Gryn and Trent McFarlene, this should be a terrific match!! Let's go to the ring..
Jacob Gryn v. Trent McFarlene
("What Lurks On Channel X" by Rob Zombie begins to play..)
Ring Announcer: Introducing first, a part of the Usual Suspects, he weighs two-hundred and twenty-six pounds and stands six-feet one-inches, he is JACOB..GRYYYYYYYYYN!!
("Dropping Anchor" by Jimmies Chicken Shack begins to play as Trent McFarlene comes out..)
Ring Announcer: Introducind last, he is a member of the Corrosion of Confirmity, he is.. TRENT MCFARLENE!!!
*Ding, Ding, Ding*
GP: This match is underway as both men meeting in the center of the ring and the two wish each other luck with a token handshake and a brief embrace. And with that out of the way, we're ready to go. Buckle up folks, this should be a classic!!And we're underway!!! Trent & Gryn lock up with a collar and elbow tie-up in the middle of the ring, and McFarlene gains the advantage with a top wristlock, Trent now working Gryn over, but Gryn quickly escapes into a drop-toe-hold which takes Trent McFarlene to the canvas!!
Shallow: McFarlene gets to his feet and waits for Gryn to get up, as we're in the beginning stages of the match-up, they lock up again and this time Gryn gains the advantage with a side headlock, and like McFarlene did just seconds ago, Jacob Gryn takes him down with a drop-toe-hold!! Gryn and McFarlene back to their feet and now Jacob looks a little angry that Trent essentially copied what Jacob Gryn did...
GP: Gryn gave just a glare to McFarlene, I don't believe he said anything to him though, now both men lock-up here again and now Gryn with another top wristlock, but Trent quickly escapes into an armbar, but Gryn counters into a hammerlock, and now Trent with a go-behind into a waistlock!! McFarlene hops up onto the back of Gryn and it seems as if he's going for a victory roll, but as Gryn heads towards the ropes to prevent a roll from happening, McFarlene steps onto the top rope before sprinting into the closest corner and flying off with a high cross body!! The Pin!! 1..2..TH!! NO!!! Kickout by Gryn!!
JT: Just two. That was close, so close, I believe McFarlene really caught Gryn off-guard with that one.
Shallow: That was a very innovative move on the part of the brash Trent, who still is just a month or two since he debuted here!! Trent used the top rope to walk over to the corner, and that's just a amazing feat by this rookie here!!
JT: I bet the CoC is watching!! They really want to see what this man could do, as our camera moves towards the face of Phelen Kell who is watching on...
GP: Both men locking up again, and this time Gryn gains the advantage with a headlock takeover, taking Trent down to the mat. Trent McFarlene however counters out with a rollup into a pin!! 1...2...THR!! NO!!! A Kickout!! Both men to their feet and another collar and elbow tie-up, this time Gryn takes McFarlene down with a armdrag takedown, now into an armbar, but Trent back to his feet as Jacob Gryn keeps the hold locked in, McFarlene hauls off with a hard chop to the chest, and another, before backing Jacob into the ropes despite the fact Jacob has the hold locked in....
Shallow: He sends Trent into the ropes and Trent returns, Gryn for a superkick, but Trent ducks and bounces off the other set of ropes before returning into a nicely done hurrancanrana on the part of Jacob Gryn!!
GP: No pinfall attempt this time as both men back to a standing position. Gryn charges and Trent takes him down with a hiptoss. Gryn back up and this time Trent takes him down with a powerslam. Cover!! 1..2..TH!! NOO!!
JT: That was close! Both men back up now, and Gryn seems taken back by the early domination by Trent! Oh my!
Shallow: Gryn with an eye gouge, before following it up with a knee to the solarplex! Gryn now with a quick snap suplex, and he keeps the suplex position locked in before bringing McFarlene up and hitting another.. and, it looks as if he's going for another!! He does!! Three consecutive snap suplexes, wow!! McFarlene is goin through alot of pain!! And the pin, 1..2..THR!! NO!! MCFARLENE KICKS OUT!!
GP: Just a two count, and the pause may have in fact cost him! Jacob Gryn is frustrated, but realizes his own mistake, he brings McFarlene up by the hair and takes him back down with a quick snapmare takeover!!
Grynn follows it up with a kick to the back, before coming around and hitting a perfectly executed sitting dropkick. Another cover! 1..2..NO!! MCFARLENE KICKS OUT AGAIN!!
JT: Two count only! Gryn stands up and McFarlene bulldogs him!! McFarlene now on the offensive brings Gryn up and there's a shot to the jaw with a forearm!! He sends Jacob Gryn into the turnbuckles and..there's a beautiful cartwheel handspring into an elbow, but Grynn catches him in a waistlock!! He walks him out to the center of the ring, and there's a beautiful back suplex into a bridge! The pin again by Gryn!! 1..2..TH!! NO!! MCFARLENE SURVIVES!!
Shallow: That was close, VERY close!! Gryn up first, and he kicks McFarlene several times before backing him into the corner while he's in a sitting position. Gryn now with a knee to the face, and another, and now he backs up, and with a head of steam he baseball slides both feet right into..no!! Kell trips Jacob Gryn..why did he do that?? Kell rarely ever cheats anymore!!
GP: Grynn arguing with Phelen allows McFarlene to get up, McFarlene goes over to Gryn, and grabs Jacob up by the hair and whips him to the ropes. Jacob returns and as Farlene goes for a body slam of some sort, Trent counters into a small package!! 1..2..THR!! NO!!! KICKOUT BY JACOB GRYN!!
JT: McFarlene gets up quickly and so does Gryn, and now McFarlene charges and takes Gryn down with a leg lariat. Trent brings Gryn up and whips him into the ropes, Jacob returns and Trent goes for a Samoan Drop..no..a Death Valley Driver!!! This could be all!!! 1..2..No! Two count only!
GP: McFarlene now is undaunted, contemplating where to go from here, he brings Gryn up and hits a fallaway slam! McFarlene now walking over to the corner, he goes to the top rope now and flies off with an elbowdrop!!!
Shallow: McFarlene now with another cover, and a kickout by Gryn at two. McFarlene pacing himself here, catching up with his breath, he brings Gryn up and sends him into the ropes for an umpteen time here tonight. Gryn returns and Trent goes for a superkick, but Jacob Gryn ducks into waistlock! He hops upon to the shoulders of Trent McFarlene for another victory roll attempt, but McFarlene counters by moving closer to the ropes. This time Gryn steps onto the top rope. McFarlene is up and is climbing the top rope..AND A MOONSAULT RIGHT ONTO GRYN!! THE PIN!!
JT: HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT!! 1..2..THRE!! NO! HOW THE HELL DID HE KICK OUT!?!?!
GP: McFarlene up, he is measuring up Gryn, they both run off th ropes, and a double clothesline!!!! Both men out cold!!.... McFarlene starting to move here, and he ets one arm draped over Gryn!! 1..2..THR!! NO!!!
JT: I'll be damned!! Grynn kicks out, but I think that's only because McFarlene couldn't get over sooner to pin him!! Both men now struggling up to their feet, Frenchie with aid of the ropes, Gryn from behind for a back suplex!!! No!! McFarlene positions him on the top rope, and now shaking off the cobwebs!!
GP: But Gryn is starting to get up and now he's standing on the top rope, McFarlene quickly joins, and there's a Russian Legsweep off the top rope by Trent McFarlene!! Good god almighty!! This is one hellashish match!! The pin by McFarlene!! 1..2..THR!! NO!!! Gryn gets the shoulder out of it, and now McFarlene sensing he should go for it all here. He brings Gryn up and there's a fisherman's suplex!! 1..2..THR!! NO!! Gryn shoulders out of it again!!
Shallow: McFarlene picks Gryn up to his feet and nails him with five consecutive chops, before a quick scoop slam. He charges over and propels himself off the middle rope with a Asai moonsault! The pin!! 1..2..NO!! AN EASY KICKOUT BY GRYN!!
GP: Trent picks Gryn up and whips him into the turnbuckle, and Gryn now reverses it and McFarlene crashes into the buckles. Gryn now backs up, and there's the cartwheel into a handspring elbow! This time he hit it.
JT: As Trent staggers out from the corner, Gryn goes for the superkick, and he hits it! Earlier he missed, and now Jacob Gryn is going to the top rope!! What could he be going for here?
Shallow: The legdrop!! That's it!! It's over!! 1..2..THR!!NO!!! Trent McFarlene just barely kicks out of it!! Lucky bastard!!
GP: Both men are seemingly running on empty here as it were, and now Gryn is frustrated and rightfully so. McFarlene kicked out of every pin from Gryn, now that is alot!! Gryn is in amazement, and can't believe it, and neither can these fans!! Gryn has used almost every move in his book, and the challenger has managed to stay in it through it all!! Gryn picks up McFarlene, and hits another fallaway slam!! Gryn going to the top rope now, but he's taking too long, hurry up!! I can hardly call the action here, I'm losing my voice!! Give me some water!!
JT: Hell no, you probably have Chlymidia!!
GP: Shutup JT!! Atleast I'm able to get an STD!! McFarlene now up, and Gryn is up as well, McFarlene now climbing up, and McFarlene nails him with a forearm before bringing him up to the second rope!! He now he hooks him for a bodyslam??? NO!! He brings him up, and there's a Michinoku Driver off the top rope!!! WOW!! Rather than going for the cover, however, McFarlene telling the crowd that it's definitely over now!! He's going for the "The Latest Craze"!!!
Shallow: He goes for it, but wait, Gryn gets up to his feet and staggers into the ropes, and McFarlene is crotched!!!
JT: Ahh!! The family jewels!! There must be a continuation in the family of Jacob Gryn!!! And look at Phelen Kell yelling at Trent to quit slacking, cause Trent is favored to win this match!
GP: Good lord, we don't need little Gryn's running around, that would be terrible!!
Shallow: But it's not as bad as little Vincent's!! AHH!!
GP: That would be terrible!! Now McFarlene hooks Gryn under his arm, and there's a hip toss off the top rope!! Trent for the cover, but instead he brings Gryn up by the hair, and now he hooks him between his legs, he's going for it, and if he hits it, it's all over!!! That Latest Craze!! He hit it!! This one's over!! Phelen is climbing the ring!! 1..2..THR!!
JT: WHAT!??!! JACOB GRYN BREAKS OUT OF THE LATEST CRAZE!! THIS IS NOT RIGHT AT ALL!!
GP: McFarlene and Phelen Kell are both screaming at the ref, allowing Gryn to get up, he runs and clotheslines Phelen out of the ring, McFarlene turns around, Gryn goes to drop kick him, but McFarlene ducks!! He turns around again, he whips Trent into the corner, and starts to pick him up, and they are now both on the top rope!! He's signalling for The Branch Dividen!! It's over!! 1..2..3!! JACOB GRYN UPSETS TRENT MCFARLENE!!
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner, JACOB GRYYN!!!
Apollo v. Ken War
GP: And we are ready for another great match here at Desperate Measures!
Shallow: Yeah, Apollo is going to go against Ken War. Oh wow, who really cares anyway? I think everybody is waiting for the World Title tournement.
JT: I'm waiting for some hardcore nudity!
GP: So ... anyways, I have a list of stipulations given to me that were announced just this morning so let's take a look.
Shallow: This is what they call an Ultimate Cage of Death! Oooh, scary! HA!
GP: First order of business is that the ring is outside of the arena. A cage made of crude metal poles bent into the form of a cage is around the ring. The other two sides of the ring are covered with electrified chain link fencing.
JT: Sounds like its going to be a bloody-ass match!
Shallow: Yep, but there is more. Give me that ... Hmm... The crude metal bars have razor-wire interwined in them and this "cage" goes about 5 feet up. There are no ropes and the regular turnbuckles are replaced with cactii!
JT: Cactii? Ha! Cactuses!
GP: No, I think Cactii is the right term ... oh, who cares? Anyway, to go on with these stipulations. Each of the four turnbuckles there is a a material that will cause pain. These are land mines, lemon juice, salt, and sedative filled needles.
GP: There is a scafold like structure about three quaters of the way up made of chain link fencing and metal poles. You win by KO only, but you better climb on that scaffold and get out of that cage before 10 minutes because well ... the ring will explode in ten minutes.
JT: This is just crazy.
Shallow: You forgot to mention that the ring will be scattered with weapons.
GP: Oh who cares? Both guys are going to die! This match is insane. We should just go on with the other matches!
JT: Oh quit your jabbering.
GP: I've been informed that the wrestlers are ready to go so let's go right outside of the arena and witness the death of two IWO wrestlers.
JT: You worry too much GP.
(We go outside the arena where we see the ring outside and we see Ken War by one corner and Apollo by the other. The bell rings.)
GP: Here we go, Ken War charges and knocks Apollo down. Apollo climbs back to his feet and hits him with a hard right. Apollo takes Ken War and throws him into those unforgiving metal poles!
JT: Ken War is already cut up from the razor wire on those poles. Apollo takes Ken War's head and rams it into those poles! War's head is busted open! Apollo now with a kick to Ken War, powerbomb!
Shallow: Wow, I never got what people see in these way hardcore matches.
JT: Shut up, we see BLOOD!
Shallow: You are truly a sad little man.
GP: Apollo picks up a chair. He swings for War and connects right to his face! Oh jeez, Ken is being manhandled in the early goings.
Shallow: Apollo picks Ken War up, Irish whip right into those electrified razorwire fences! OUCH! Kenny's smoking now. Apollo starts stomping away on Ken War. He backs off and the ref outside the ring starts the KO count. One ... Two ... Three ... Four ...
JT: Ken is slowly starting to get back up. Apollo picks up a baseball bat and rams it right against Ken's back! Ken goes down again!
GP: The ref with the count once again. One ... Two ... Three ... Four ... Five ...
JT: Ken tries to get up, he grabs at one of those metal poles and pulls himself up. His hand is now cut up from razor wire. Apollo now charges, Ken War sidesteps and throws Apollo right into the cactus turnbuckle!
GP: I guess that was the one with the land mines. Apollo is knocked down to hell from that explosion!
JT: HAHA! This is great! Come on! Ken War is now getting into the groove of things. He finds a garbage can and rams it into the head of Apollo. The ref now starts the count. One ... Two ... Three ... Four ...
Shallow: Apollo climbs up to his knees, Ken with a chair right to the back of Apollo's head! Ken picks Apollo up, kick, piledriver on the chair!!
GP: Ken picks Apollo up, Irish whip, reversed, Ken goes flying into the cactus turnbuckles with the sedative needles! Ken is numb now! I am being informed that there is 7 minutes left before the ring blows up. Apollo comes from behind, inverted DDT!
Shallow: The ref starts the count, one ... two ... three ... four ... five ... six ... Ken is fighting back up! seven .... eight ... he's on his knees ... nine ... Ken is up! Apollo can't believe it! He charges Ken, back body drop into the electrified razorwire fence! MY GOD THAT COULD HAVE KILLLED APOLLO!
JT: Oh, pish posh! You're going to die of a heart attack because you worry to much!
Shallow: Oh go to hell.
GP: Both of you shut up!
Shallow: He started it.
GP: Who cares! Back to the match at hand, the ref is starting the count on Apollo. One ... Two ... Three ... Four ... Ken just picked Apollo up! He could have won the match.
JT: He wants to cause more damage! He throws Apollo into the metal poles. He take a barbed wire baseball bat and rams it right against the head of Apollo's head. He now takes Apollo and whips him into the turnbuckle of salt!
Shallow: Apollo has to be in a WORLD of hurt right there. Three minutes until the ring blows up! Somebody has to win and they have to get outta there! Apollo is trying to muster the strength to get up. He somehow crawls to his feet and ducks a Ken War punch. Low blow, DDT! Both men are down! We've only wrestled for about 7 minutes, but this has had to be a tough physical match for these guys.
JT: The ref is now conducting the KO count. One ... two ... three ... four ... five ... six ... seven ...
GP: Apollo rolls around and puts his hand over Ken War! This isn't a pins fall match! One.. Two.. Three!!! Apollo would have won but this is not a pins fall match! Ken War now rolls back to his feet. The ref is shouting at them that there is only a minute left before they have to get out of there. Apollo doesn't want to be blown up. He gets on one of the ladders and climbs to the scaffold!
JT: Ken War is right behind him and they are fighting on the scaffold. Apollo with a scoop slam onto the scaffold. Apollo now jumps out of the cage! War follows with a huge splash! War just splashed Apollo on that hard concrete!
Shallow: They are out of the ultimate cage of death! The referee doesn't know what to do? Well, the rules say that the match goes on until a KO so we keep on fighting! The ring is going to blow! Ken War and Apollo start running for their lives!!!
GP: WAR AND APOLLO HAVE JUST GONE FLYING!!! THAT EXPLOSION WAS BIG!!! MY GOD THIS IS INSANE!
JT: I, ALONG WITH ALL THE FANS LOVE IT!
GP: Ken climbs back to his feet and starts exchaning blows with Apollo. Ken grabs Apollo and throws him to the arena wall! Apollo staggers back and we are now in the parking lot! Apollo blocks a punch from War, and delivers a hard right to War. War stumbles back onto the hood of MY CAR! GET OFF MY CAR! Oh jeez!
JT: Apollo steps back and drop kicks Ken War right through the windshield! HAHAHA! Your car is wrecked!
GP: Oh shut the hell up please!
Shallow: Ken is cut up pretty badly. He gets out of the car and is nailed back to the floor by an Apollo clothesline! Apollo picks Ken War up and takes him into the arena!
GP: Apollo and Ken War are now in the backstage area of the arena. By the locker rooms. Apollo rams Ken War to the wall! Apollo now leads Ken War into the fans! They are now fighting amongst the fans!
Shallow: This match has just gotten everywhere. Ken War blocks an Apollo punch, kick, powerbomb! Ken War now brings Apollo over the guard rail and we in the regular ring! This is insane!
JT: Stop saying that! War grabs a table and a chair. He whacks Apollo in the head with the chair. He sets up the table, powerbomb through the table! Apollo may be out! War now stomping the hell out of Apollo! He applies a boston crab! Oh this is a smart maneuver! Even if Apollo taps it won't mean anything. He has to be knocked out for War to win!
GP: It's sick! War just wants co cause pain!
JT: Nothing wrong with that. Apollo is screaming out in pain with blood just gushing down his face. War lets go, but why? He grabs the chair and rams it into Apollo's knee! Oh this is good! And he rams it into the knee cap once again! Apollo's knee could be bashed up good! Ken War now applies a figure four!
Shallow: OK, this has gone far enough, will somebody please just get knocked out?
JT: WHY? It's just getting fun now! Apollo is screaming in pain. He's begging War to let go of the figure four.
Shallow: But Apollo is gaining some strength. He flips around and reverses the figure four! War is the one in pain now! War flips him back around and lets go of the hold.
GP: War picks Apollo up, knee drop! War is just trying to destroy the knee of Apollo. War now sends Apollo to the ropes ... Apollo collasped! He can't handle the pressure on his knees anymore!
JT: This could just be over for Apollo. Ken picks him up, with a punch, blocked by Apollo! Apollo now slaps Ken War right against the chest! He picks Ken up for the Canibuster ... War flips around and delivers his own tombstone on a chair! Apollo is out!
GP: Things don't look to good for Apollo. War now goes up to the top with Apollo ... THE BLACK DIAMOND! THE BLACK DIAMOND! THIS SHOULD BE ALL FOR APOLLO!
Shallow: The ref counts, one... two... three... four... five... six... seven... eight... nine... ten!!! Ken War wins! Ken War wins!
("Uh, All Night" by Kiss starts to play.)
Ring Announcer: The winner of this match, KEN "THE WAR MACHINE" WAR!!!!!
Shallow: What a match.
I/C Tag Title Match
Prime Time Soldiers v. Usual Suspects -c-
GP: Ok, our next match is between The Prime Time Soldiers and The Usual Suspects, for the I/C Tag Titles, which the Suspects currently hold!! "Scott's A Dork" by Reel Big Fish has already begun to play, and here come the former tag team champions!!
Ring Announcer: Introducing first, the challengers, first from Scranton, PA, he weighs two-hundred and forty pounds, and stands six feet 4 inches tall, he is accompanied to the ring by the lovely Ariana..he is Scott Stone!! And his partner, being accompanied to the ring by Lil' G', he weighs two-hundred and thrity nine pounds and is also six feet four inches, he is Tyler Johnson!!
GP: Here come The Suspects, they don't even care!! They run down, and this match is underway!! Tyler and Chris Davidson start it out, they lock up, Tyler pushes Davidson back and gets up slowly staring down Tyler Johnson. They get up and lock up again, Ty whips Davidson to the ropes, he picks him up and a back breaker from Tyler Johnson!! Ty run over and tags in Scott Stone, Scott runs over and starts to stomp away on Chris Davidson. Chris gets up
and charges at Stone, drop toe hold by Scott Stone!! Chris goes down hard, and hits the mat face-first. But he's quickly up, and Stone takes him back down with a dropkick!
JT: Davidson back up to his feet, and Scott Stone stomping away at the leg now. Davidson falls back into the corner for support, and Scott Stone with a dropkick right to the knee!
GP: Scott Stone now whips Davidson across and Davidson hits hard!! Scott Stone charges in, slides to the outside, and trips Davdison on his way out!! Stone quickly grabs the legs of Chris on the outside, pulls back and crotches him on the post!!!
Shallow: Scott grabs the leg of Chris, and slams it into the steel!! And again!! Stone quickly rolls back into the ring now, and a tag to Tyler Johnson!!
GP: Tyler's now going to work on Davdidson. Johnson quickly brings him up, and rolls through into a leg lace!! Davidson in deep trouble here! Davdidson trying to make the ropes here, BUT JOHNSON'S GRIP IS TO STRONG!!
JT: Wait a minute, Gryn just dropped from the apron, and he's over to place the hands of Davidson on the ropes!! C'mon!! The ref now notices the positioning of Davidson's hands, and he's giving him a five count to break it..and he breaks at four!!
Shallow: Johnson quickly up, and takes a swipe at Davidson, who falls for it and rushes out of the ring!!!
GP: Stone quickly in, and now they both bring Davidson up, and trip him right back down, wishbone!!! And again!! The referee finally clears Gryn from the ring now, and Johnson now has the leg of Davidson again, leaps over Davidson and snaps it behind his head!!! Dear God!!
JT: Davidson sits up and clutches at his leg here, and Johnson arrogantly kicks him right in the back!
GP: Johnson brings Chris up and shoves him back into the corner. Unloads a hard chop!! Tyler chopping away at the chest of Davidson now, and now takes the leg of Davidson and wraps it around the ropes. He's pulling hard on that leg, and the ref giving him a five count to break it, and Johnson breaks it at four.
JT: Johnson now brings Davidson back into the middle of the ring, whips him into the ropes, and catches him coming off with a dropkick to the knee that sends him for a flip! What a move!
Shallow: Davidson quickly headed to the top now, he's gonna nail that leg!! And Scott Stone shoves Davidson off the top rope!!!
GP: And Scott flies off the opposite turnbuckles with a frog splash to the knee behind the ref's back!!! Johnson now makes a legal tag to Scott Stone, and the ref turns and sees it, Stone brings Davidson up, lifts him onto his shoulders, and a flapjack!!!
JT: Stone brings Davidson up again, and whips him into the ropes, reversal by Davidson, into a reversal by Scott Stone!! And a doubleg trip! Stone hooks the right leg, and he's got on a single-leg boston crab!! Stone showing great wrestling ability here!!
GP: Davidson is in great pain here, taking quite the beating, but he's close to his corner, and I don't think Scott Stone realizes this!!.... and Davidson reaches out and tags in Jacob Gryn!! Johnson's trying to alert Stone, but I don't think he hears him!!! Gryn climbing to the top rope now!! FLYING DROPKICK!! And the pin by Jacob Gryn!! 1..2..THR! NO!! STONE BARELY KICKS OUT!!
Shallow: Stone crawls back into his corner, and Gryn picks him up and unloads on him!! He's pounding on him with rights and lefts!! Gryn whips him into the ropes, spinning spinebuster! Gryn hooks both legs from behind!! Another pin!! 1..2..THR!! NO!! STONE KICKS OUT!!
JT:Gryn picks up Stone, kick to the stomach, he's going for a powerbomb!! Yes he connected!! He lifts him up onto his shoulders, and Scott hammering away on him!!
GP: Stone slides down the back of Gryn, quickly off the ropes, Gryn reaches back and picks him up into a sidewalk slam!!! Another pin!! 1..2..THR! NO! STONE KICKS OUT!! Once again he picks up Stone, and a snap suplex!! Gryn holds on, another!!! And another!! What charisma by Jacob Gryn!!
Shallow: And he's not done!!! Gryn *again* brings him up, go-behind, and a german suplex right on his head! Gryn quickly covers!!! 1..2..THR!! NO!!
GP: Grynn picks Stone up again, whip into the ropes, powerslam and a pin!! 1.2...THR!! NO!!
JT: Gryn once again picks Scott Stone up, brainbuster!!! He's heading to the top now, takes a moment to taunt towards Tyler Johnson, and flies off with a huge splash!!! He hooks the leg! It's over!! 1...2...THR!! JOHNSON BREAKS THE COUNT!! Johnson and Gryn now fighting!! And Gryn clotheslines him outside the ring! Gryn turns around and a swinging neckbreaker by Scott Stone!!
GP: Stone has recovered somewhat, and he's in the ring with a chair!!! Stone's holding Gryn up, Stone swings and hits Gryn!! Wait..Gryn dropkicks the chair into the face of Stone, who falls out of the ring and lands awkwardly on his knee! Gryn covers Stone, but the ref is arguing with Tyler Johnson!! He notices!! The pin!! It's over!! 1..2..NOO!!
Shallow: Gryn's still shaking off the effects of Stone's attack here, leaps onto his shoulders for a hurricanrana!! But Scott reverses, slides down, SUICIDAL TENDENCIES!! THE PIN!! NEW I/C TAG CHAMPS!! 1..2..THRE!! OH MY GOD!! GRYN KICKS OUT OF THE SUICIDAL TENDENCIE!!
GP: Stone picks Gryn up, whip into the ropes, blind tag by Gryn!! Stone catches him coming off with a big back elbow!!! Johnson is still down on the outside!! And Davidson just spun Stone around to face him!!! Trading words now, slap by Davidson!!! Stone fires back with a right hand!!! Now Stone is hammering away at Davidson, backs him into the ropes with a series of fists, and a whip across by Scott Sont!! He spins, and catches Davidson coming off with a rolling elbow!!! Cover by Stone!! 1..2..NO!!
JT: Stone brings Davidson up to his feet, whips him into the ropes again and puts his head down, Davidson hooks him up!!! He's going for the sitdown crucifix powerbomb!! He connects!! 1..2..THR! NO!!
Shallow: Davidson picks him up, and throws him to the outside!!! Davidson follows him out, and whips him hard into the guardrail!!! Stone flips over it into the crowd!! Davidson follows him out there also, and they're brawling among the fans! And of course by now you all know that thing about not being responsible for the results of the actions of rampaging talent and all that.
JT: Davidson grabs Stone, attempts a whip, and Stone reverses it and sends Davidson into a fan!! The fan falls backwards and hits another fan, causing a comical domino effect!! This is histarical!! HAHA!! Stone now has Davidson, and he's bringing him back over to the French announce... and now Stone climbs over the guardrail and onto the table! He's telling the announcers to clear out, and they're scattering.
GP: Stone reaches back over the guardrail, and now pulls Davidson up and over it, but Stone fires back with a right hand and Davidson is staggered!!! Davidson climbs onto the guardrail now, and he's standing on top of it! Davidson leaps off onto Stone and tries a hurricanrana!!! Stone catches him!!! He's gonna powerbomb him off the table!!! Davidson firing back with rights, and now he slips off and lands on the table in front of Stone!! Davidson tries a lariat, Stone ducks, and catches Davidson with a boot to the stomach! Lifts him up, and he's going for that powerbomb again!
JT: Wait!! Gryn and Johnson are now in, Gryn whips Johnson to the ropes, Gryn goes up, THE BRANCH DIVISION!! HE THROWS JOHNSON OUTSIDE!!
GP: Now look, Stone and Davidson are on the top, battling it out, Stone is going for the Suicidal Tendencie off the top rope, blocked by Davidson, Davidson going for The Seven-Second Delay, but that's blocked, Davidson has the positioning, but just can't move!! Wait, Johnson nails Davidson, and he falls countering the Seven-Second Delay!! Johnson is celebrating, but what he doesn't know is Davidson connected it!! Johnson grabs the belt, but Davidson covers Stone..1..2..3!! THE USUAL SUSPECTS SURVIVE!! WHAT A MATCH!!
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner and STILL I/C Tag Champions, The Usual Suspects!!
World Tag Title Match
Era of our Kind v. Prep Kids -c-
GP:Well this one certainly should be interesting...two of the best tag teams in IWO history going at it here folks!
JT:AHAHAHHAA! I love TPK...Randal McCloud and Jordan Howitt baby...they are easily the best tag team ever. Who haven't they beat? Let's see they've beaten The Beverly Hills Bruisers, the Foregin Legion, and if memory serves me right even the infamous Doomsday Express.
Shallow:Yes they certainly have accomplished quite a bit...but I think you'd have to go a long ways to beat Era of Our Kind. EOOK is possibly one of the best teams in IWO history....Kenny Friska AKA Master Mage is just returning off an injury and well Rodney Phoenix has had quite a singles career as well as a tremendous tag career...so their is no telling what is gonna happen hear
GP:Thank you Shallow for your articulate comments....let's go down the ring for introductions...
Ring Announcer:Ladies and gentlemen the following match is set for one fall and is for the IWO World Tag Team Championship...Introduceing first the challengers at a total combined weight of 465 pounds...hailing from Los Angelous...one of the best damn tag teams ever...."Master Mage" Kenny Friska...."Phantom" Rodney Phoenix...ERA OF OUR KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND!
::"Where ever I may Roam" by Metallica begins to play as EOOK make their way out to the ring. Rodney Phoenix has the mic as he stands in the middle of the ring.::
Phoenix:Ladies and gentlemen...Kenny and myself have been patient...we have waited for our chance to regain our prize we lost too Hostile Youth months and months ago...So it has been said that we are going to regain those titles here tonight!
Ring Announcer:And introduceing next the champions....first from Los Angelous Ca....weighing 233 pounds here is "The Phoenix" Randal McCloud! And his tag team partner from Anaheim Ca.....weighing in at 222 pounds here is the "Super Star" Jordan Howitt...together they from THE PREP KIIIIIIIIIIIIDS!
::"Wake up" by Rage Against the Machine plays as TPK make their way out to the boos of the crowd.::
Randal:If you idiots would shutup for just one second and let someone important talk you might just learn something.
Jordan:As my partner was saying...TPK is what tag team wrestling is all about here in the IWO...like it or love it gentlemen we are the team right now in the IWO. Hostile Youth...no more...The Beverly Hill Bruisers...HA! We ran them out of the IWO already. The only two teams that could ever even come close to standing up to us are gone....tonight EooK...TPK will once again prove why we are the best their was...best their is...
Randal:FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T FINISH THAT BUDDY!
Jordan:Oh haha whoops....I mean...We are the best damn tag team in the world today! And no matter what....
GP:OH! ERA HAS HAD ENOUGH....MASTER MAGE DECKS MCCLOUD AND JORDAN GOES DOWN FROM A STIFF FOREARM BY PHANTOM THE CROWD IS GOING WILD!
JT:UNFAIR! UNFAIR! WHAT A CHEAP SHOT...BUT WHAT CAN I EXPECT FROM EOOK! THEY NEVER HAD THE BALLS TO DO ANYTHING REMOTLEY RESEMBLEING WRESTLING!
GP:Mage just launched McCloud on the outside and Phantom is going to work on Howitt....Phantom whips Howitt into the ropes....THROWS HIM UP IN THE AIR....3/4 NECK DROP! Phantom now goes off the ropes...spring board leg drop but nobody home! Howitt up fast drops Phantom with a drop kick....Phantom rolls and both men are up....Howitt runs at Phantom...arm drag! Up...and ANOTHER one!
JT:Meanwhile on the outside...Mage just sent McCloud head first into the ring post....and has him up..PILE DRIVER on the cold cement floor! McCloud rolls off and is seeking salvation...NO! Mage grabs a steel chair and smacks him in the head! Wheres the DQ ref! Where's the DQ!
Shallow:Told you EOOK was gonna win this one....they are kicking some heavy duty booty!
GP:Phantom has Howitt up and whips him out over the top. Phantom goes up top....SUICIDE PLANCHA TO THE OUTSIDE! Howitt goes down hard!
JT:EOOK are cheap! They are nothing more then street fighters!
GP:They can wrestle...but they are now just beating the ummmm...well it's PPV and theirs no Chairman Dane anywhere to be seen so I'll say it...they are beating the fuck out of TPK!
Shallow:That they are...that they are...now Mage has McCloud up and just tossed him into the crowd...Mage grabs a chair and WAM! Nails him with it! McCloud has been busted wide open. Mage is leading McCloud through the crowd and just slammed him into the far wall of the arena!
GP:Mage has a table now and just nailed McCloud with a DDT and then laid him on the table. Meanwhile Phantom has Howitt in the ring and they are declared the legal men. Phantom has Howitt up for a powerbomb...NO! Howitt slips out the back and nails Phantom with a face buster! Howitt now goes up top.....FROG SPLASH! Cover...1.....2....NO!
Shallow:Wow this match is really heating up....
JT:Fuck that...Mage is up in the balcony now and Howitt is laid out on the table....OH MY GOD MASTER MAGE JUST NAILED A 450 SPLASH OFF THE LEDGE THROUGH THE TABLE TO THE FLOOR! THIS EVEN IMPRESSESS ME!
GP:AND JUST THINK FANS A FEW SHORT MONTHS AGO WE THOUGHT WE WOULD NEVER HAVE THE HONORS OF SEEING MAGE IN THE RING AGAIN...BUT IT LOOKS LIKE HE MIGHT HAVE JUST HIT A MOVE THAT COULD ENABLE EOOK TO WIN THE TAG TEAM TITLES!
Shallow:OUCH THAT'S GOTTA HURT!
GP:McCloud has Phantom up in the ring and scoop slams him....no he turns it...into a reverse DDT! Wow that was a hard hitting move. McCloud grabs Phantom....stunner! that sent Phantom flying!
JT:Neither Mage nor Howitt have moved yet...I think and hope they're dead....that would be funny!
GP:McCloud grabs Phantom...Indian Deathlock.....this is a very painful submission folks.
Shallow:Phantom is screaming and reaching for the ropes...but so far no sucess McCloud has it REALLY locked in...wow that looks like it hurts....ewww this is almost as painful as watching a Dane Wilt match.
GP:That was lame Shallow...
GP:McCloud is almost to the rope...he has been struggleing and struggleing but finally has the rope...YES! The hold must be broken!
JT:AHAHAHAHHA! Master Mage is up and is stumbleing towards the ring...man he has seen better days.
GP:Phantom has McCloud up and whips him into a corner....he puts him on the top rope....OH! Cheap Shot by McCloud.....McCloud grabs him TORNADO DDT! WOW that may have been the hardest Tornado DDT I have ever seen! What a move!
Shallow:Mage just stumbled over the security railing and is heading towards the ring....and oh my...I don't beleive it but Howitt is actually crawling off the broken table...
GP:McCloud has Phantom up....has him in a front face lock...OH! Into the twist of fate! Cover...1....2...NO! Phantom kicks out with ease...McCloud picks him up again....Rocker Drop! McCloud goes up top....SENTON BOMB INTO ELBOW DROP...NO TO THE CHEERS OF THE CROWD MASTER MAGE PULLED PHANTOM OUT OF THE RING BY THE FOOT AND MCCLOUD HITS HARD!
Shallow:Wow that would have been match to....
JT:BULL SHIT! That's illegal! EOOK CAN'T FIGHT FAIR!
GP:Well...who cares!?! Master Mage has McCloud up....POWER BOMB ONTO MCCLOUDS NECK! DAMN HE FOLDED HIM LIKE A PEICE OF PAPER...Cover...1....2...3NO! Wow what a close count. Mage had some power behind that one!
JT:That's illegal! Call for the bell...
Shallow:JT...SHUT THE HELL UP!
GP:Phantom is in the ring again....they whip McCloud into the ropes...H-BOMB! What force!
JT:AHAHAHA! Look at McCloud he is crawling back to the ring....what testicular fortitude!
JT:Hey Greg...my nuts your chin!
JT:My nuts your chin....
Shallow:Well my wang your ass....
GP:Oh what a hard left by Phantom that sent McCloud back to the ground. McCloud is takeing a serious beating here tonight folks. Phantom whips him into the ropes....DUDLEY DEATH DROP!
JT:Wow that was original.
GP:Cover by those Damn Dudleys...I mean Phantom...1......2......NO! Man how much more can McCloud take!?!
Shallow:Howitt has made it to the security rail and is twisting his body over the top...I don't even know if he can stand to be honest with ya.
GP:Master Mage whips McCloud into the ropes again...SPINE BUSTER SLAM! 1...2...NO! GOD DAMN IT! EOOK HAS TO WIN THIS!
Shallow:Howitt just rolled into the ring and has a gulf club....Phantom has McCloud up in a powerbomb....and Master Mage is putting on a neck breaker....OH! Howitt just busted that Gulf Club on Phantoms knee! Wow what force! McCloud falls and MAster Mage turns...Howitt scoops him up....PREP DROP (DVD)! Howitt is getting McCloud jup....McCloud is up and is slowly going up top....he flys...SENTON INTO ELBOW AGAIN CONNECTION THIS TIME! Cover....1......2.....3!
GP:OH MAN! EOOK LOST! DAMN IT!
JT:YESS! TPK! TPK! TPK!
Extreme Title Match
Antarctica Survival Match: Match takes place on the frozen continent of Antarctica. There is one airplane awaiting takeoff within the designated area of the match. Winner is the first person on that airplane.
Ashton Cain -c- v. The Raging One v. The Split One v. Chrome Thunder
Shallow: Well we finaly got our link up to antartica, as we are about to wait for TRO, Ashton Kane, Chrome thunder and the split one. I just want one of these three crazy individuals to freeze their asses off.
GP: This shall be an interesting one, we have had our share of interesting matches, but this one is truely a first in IWO history. The four men must fight until they reach a plane and the one who makes it there is obviously the winners.
JT: and the rest of them can huddle in the snow and freeze their asses off, but all I am hoping for is blood.
GP: I see the four combatants are finaly being seen via satelite and the match is under way. Chrome thunder has a broken piece of board, ashton kane has a lead pipe, TRO has an ice pick, and split one has a bat in hand. Ashton kane has just ran after the split one and chrome is going after TRO.
Shallow: Chrome attacks TRO with that board but takes the ice pick to the stomach. Tro is working chrome with the ice pick on the forehead. Chrome is already busted open. And the blood is freezing to his forehead. TRO is still digging away at crome's head. Crome is screaming bloody murder right now.
GP: Wile chrome is getting his from TRO, the split one is working over the extreme champion with his bat. The split one is just pummleing the champion in the chest with the bat. But ashton is fighting back folks. He just crowned the split one in the head with the pole. And the pole has dented on the split one's forehead. Ashton is now at his feet now and exchanging blows with the split one. They are fighting on to the plane hanger. Now fans all that is, is ice, tar, and various weapons. The plane is also near by, if one of these two men can make it to the plane then they will be the Extreme champ. Ashton grabs a chain and is just pummleing the split one's face with that chain, the split one is now busted open as well.
JT: this has got to be one of the coolest things I have seen in my life.
Shallow: Shove it jt.
JT: bite me asshole
Shallow: don't make me hit you
GP: ok ladies calm down now, we have an extreme match to call
JT: oh yea, I forgot.
Shallow: TRO has spotted ashton kane and the split one on the hanger and has joined the frey. Chrome thunder is trying to rally himself back to his feet, but he has lost a lot of blood after the brutal ice pick shots that have juiced him like a grape. TRO and kane now are exchanging rights and lefts, and TRO has just dug the ice pick into Kane's forehead. The champ is now bleeding. The only man not busted open now is TRO. The split one broke of a 2/4 from one of the crates in the hanger, and has cracked TRO in the face with it. Oh god a nail from one of the boards is stuck inside his eye. TRO is bleeding heavily and is screaming bloody murder.
GP: Chrome thunder is back to his feet, and is running to join the four men on the runway. He runs and tackles the split one. Chrome picks the split one up and piledrives him onto the runway. Chrome has gotten his much needed second wind now. Kane is also going after the left eye of TRO. TRO is still bleeding from his eye socket after that shot to the face with the 2/4. Chrome is walking to the plane he is getting closer and closer, but the split one stops him in his tracks with a shot from that 2/4 to the back of the head. Chrome falls just short of the plane. Split one might just win this one, if he could just make it on to the plane. But what is he doing. Split one has just climbed onto the roof of the plane. Looking down at the semicontious chrome thunder. 450 MOONSAULT ONTO THE FALLEN CHROME THUNDER. The split one picks up chrome thunder now, and is trying to push him into the propelers of the plane, but chrome is barely braceing himself now. Chrome kicks back and in an act of desperation kicks the split one right in the nuts.
JT: ouch, but when you are about to die, you will do anything not to have it happen.
Shallow: no shit jt, anyways, ashton kane and TRO are fighting closer to the plane now. TRO has seemingly forgot about his busted eye, and is going tooth and nail at Kane. Blow for blow. Punch for punch. TRO goes into the crate, and grabs an sheet of glass, and shatters it over the head of Kane.
JT: I didn't know they needed glass in antartica
Shallow: don't you remember that woman who had cancer and was a doctor?
JT: yea, whats your point,
Shallow: that's probably the left over suplies she needed. I don't know, anyways, Kane is now bleeding even worse, and is laying face down on the tar mac.
GP: Chrome is now on top of that plane, and the split one is with him. Both men are exhangeing left hands on top of the machine. One false step and one of those two men will be out of this matchup. The split one has Chrome thunder up, and attempts a powerbomb REVERSAL, AND CROME HITS A HURACARANA OFF OF THE PLANE ONTO THE RUNWAY. The split one has just broken his skull and is uncontious, hell I think he is dead.
Shallow: what about chrome thunder? He just about as uncontious from bloodloss, as the Split one is from head trauma. But chrome thunder is some how getting to his feet. And is crawling to the plane. But TRO has stopped him. TRO is now putting the boots to chrome thunder. TRO has found a crowbar in one of the workmen's toolbox and is now using the forked end to work on that previous laseration on Chrome thunder's face. Chrome is now screaming bloody murder, and Ashton kane is just watching and laughing.
JT: if Ashton was smart he would have been on that plane by now. But instead he much rather watch TRO beat the fuck out of Chrome thunder.
GP: good point
Shallow: anyways, Chrome is fighting to his feet now, and hits a low blow on TRO. TRO isnt fased, and as a recept has just smashed chrome thunders head into the floor of the plane. Chrome may be out on his feet because he is just standing there grogy. TRO puts Chrome's head right in the cavety of the door, TRO grabs the doorhandle, and SLAMS THE DOOR RIGHT ON CHROME THUNDER'S HEAD, AND ANOTHER, OH MY GOD THIS IS JUST BRUTAL. ANYTHING FOR THE EXTREME TITLE.
JT: Nice touch of bloodlust
GP: TRO is dragging chrome thunder onto the wing of the plane now. Chrome somehow shakes off the brutal door shots, and is now swinging at TRO, TRO is on the edge of the wing now, right above a crate of old mines. Chrome goes for a punch. But misses
Shallow: I didn't know the army stored old weaponry down in antartica?
JT: that sure is intertesting
GP: TRO goes low on chrome thunder, AND THE HAMMER OF GOD OFF OF THE WING THROUGH THE CRATE, THE GRATE JUST EXPLODED INTO A BALL OF FIRE AND WOOD, BOTH MEN MIGHT BE DEAD. Chrome thunder is out cold and TRO is shuddering in pain. Ashton is now making the most of this situation and is heading for the plane, but TRO is gathering up all of his strength and is limping to the plane door as well. TRO and ashton kane have made it to the door of the plane, and both men have entered the plane. But what is the ruling, the match clearly states that whoever is the first man who gets to the plane, wins the match.
Announcer: Seeing that both TRO and Ashton kane have made it to the plane, this match will continute till only one man in the plane is there. And the door will be kept open.
JT: the plane is taking off with both men in there.
GP: Ashton kane is taking the upper hand and put the thumb right in the eye socket of the busted left eyeball of TRO. TRO drops to one knee. And Ashton picks up TRO for a powerbomb, the plane is taking off now, there probably a good 50 feet up by now. TRO reverses it and Ashton hits head first on the plane floor, just inside of the door. TRO picks up Ashton and POWERBOMBS HIM OUT OF THE PLANE, ASHTON IS NOW A GOOD 100 FEET AWAY FROM THE RUNWAY, AND IS FREEFALING ONTO A PATCH OF ICE, I THINK ASHTON IS DEAD AS WELL.
Announcer: Your winner and new IWO extreme champion THE RAGING ONE!!!
Al Coholic v. Rob Kestler
JT: WOW, that was one violent match,
Shallow: I have never seen a man powerbombed out of a moving plane in my life, just another first for the IWO.
GP: well men I don't know what to think after that one. Two men are possibly killed right now, and the third one is probably gonna freeze his nuts off, unless the navy can get there soon.
JT: And now we come back to boring wrestling matches against two untalented wrestlers Al Coholic and Rob Krestler!
GP: Yeah, whatever.
("Guerilla Radio" by Rage Against the Machine starts to play as Al Coholic comes down to the ring.)
Ring Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a twenty minute time limit! First coming down to the ring, at 269 pounds, AL COHOLIC!
("Stayin' Alive" by Ozzy Osbourne starts to play as Rob Krestler walks down to the ring.)
Ring Announcer: And his opponent, weighing in at 313 pounds, ROB KRESTLER!
(Ding Ding Ding)
Shallow: And here we go. Krestler knocks Al down with a shoulder block. Al rolls right back up, Krestler whips Al to the ropes back body drop! Al gets up again and knocks Krestler down with a clothesline. Krestler back to his feet, Al with a drop kick that sends Krestler down.
GP: Krestler now gets up and blocks an Al Coholic punch. Kick to the sternum, DDT! Krestler off the ropes, leg drop! Nonchalant cover, one... two... kickout by Al!
JT: BORING! BOOO!!!
Shallow: Will you please shut up?!?
JT: Sorry Mr. PMS!
GP: Back to the match at hand, Krestler has sent Al to the ropes and locked in a sleeper. Al is slowly fading.... wait, Al elbows Krestler! Krestler releases the hold, Al now runs off the ropes, Spinning Heel Kick! Al with a quick cover, one... kickout by Rob Krestler.
JT: Krestler now gets up and ducks a clothesline. Krestler off the ropes, elbow to the head of Al. Krestler picks Al up, scoop slam!
Shallow: What?!? Could it actually be JT announcing a match? Why yes it is!
JT: Oh shut up you asshole.
JT: DAMN IT!
JT: WHAT WAS THAT FOR?
JT: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
Shallow: Just shut up!
JT: DAMN IT!
GP: Anyways, Krestler in the ring is stomping away on Al. He picks Al up, kick, POWERBOMB! Cover, one... two... kickout!
Shallow: Al got his shoulder up. Krestler now whips Al to the turnbuckles, no reversed by Al. Al charges Krestler and splashes him on the turnbuckle! Al now goes up to the second rope, TORNADO DDT!
GP: Al goes for the cover, one... two... kickout by Krestler!
JT: Can I talk now?
JT: Ouch, I take that as a no.
Shallow: Some people never learn.
GP: Krestler now has taken some control back from Al Coholic. He nails Al with hard rights and lefts. Kick, vertical suplex! Cover, one... two... kickout by Al!
Shallow: Krestler now picks Al up, kick, DDT! Another cover, one.. two.. three!
Shallow: I told you to shut up!
JT: *Whimper* Why are you so mean?
Shallow: Shut up!
GP: In the ring, Al Coholic, kick, HAPPY HOUR! Cover, one... two... three! Wait! Krestler just got up and is walking away? What the hell?
JT: I don't know...
Shallow: If Kestler just got up right after that count...
JT: ...doesn't that mean he could've kicked out no problem?
Shallow: *shrugs* Guess he didn't like that title.
AIWF/IWO Internet Title Match
Creeping Death v. ?¿?
GP: Here we go fans, it’s time for our big AIWF/IWO matchup!
JT: It’s about time Creeping Death gets what’s coming to him!
Shallow: Once again, nobody really cares, we just want to see who wins the
GP: Whatever Johny, every match here in the IWO is an exciting one!
Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following matchup is scheduled for
one fall, with a 20 minute time limit. Coming to the ring first...
::"Take The Power Back" by Rage Against The Machine plays, and out walks
everybody’s favorite Mexi...er...IWO superstar, ?¿?. Goopy walks out with
Ring Announcer: Weighing in at 255 pounds...accompanied by Goopy the
Monkey...a former IWO World Heavyweight Champion...?¿?!!!!!
::?¿? slides into the ring as Goopy walks around outside.::
Ring Announcer: And his opponent...
::"Creeping Death" by Metallica starts up as Creeping Death walks out.::
Ring Announcer: Weighing in at 210 pounds...representing the AIWF...CREEPING
GP: Well that’s odd.
GP: Creeping Death has some sort of title belt around his waist.
CD: Hey Question Mark Boy! You’re lookin’ at the NEW AIWF/IWO Internet
::?¿? starts laughing.::
CD: I’ll prove it to you tonight! Laugh it up Marky, but I’ll have the last
laugh! First I beat you, then that retard War, then any other IWO reject
that wants a piece of me!
Shallow: I feel stupider just listening to him talk.
GP: CD slides into the ring and ?¿? jumps him right away!
::Ding Ding Ding::
JT: CD is retarded...I bet he won’t even bleed.
Shallow: On the bright side, ?¿? is in this match. If it were CD taking on
a retard like Fenix, that would be completely unbearable.
GP: The Mysterious One sends CD into the ropes, but he telegraphs the back
body drop and CD delivers a stiff kick to the face. ?¿? reeling now, CD off
the ropes and sends him down with a clothesline!
JT: Look at that dumbass try to get the crowd behind him.
GP: ?¿? back on his feet. He delivers a dropkick to the back of CD's head,
and CD stumbles forward and flips out of the ring.
Shallow: Where do they get these people?
GP: ?¿? off the ropes, Cross Body Block onto Creeping Death!! Some nice
high flying antics from the Mysterious One!
GP: ?¿? picks CD up off the floor, and whips him into the guardrail! NO!
CD reverses it!
GP: ?¿? could be hurt!
Shallow: Parker, answer a question for me. Seriously.
GP: Can it wait? Have you no heart?! ?¿? hit the rail awfully damned hard!
Shallow: He's on his feet, Parker. He's doing the usual, beating the hell
out of everybody.
GP: Okay...what's your question?
Shallow: How can you possibly care about this match? Two thirds of the
matches you announce? You got wrestlers who quite frankly I'm surprised
have lasted this long wrestling, and yet you act like it's the main event!
Nothing against ?¿?, he certainly USED to be a main eventer, but you got
guys like Evan Levine taking on losers like Scott Stone, hypothetical match
of course, and you act like it's Phelen Kell versus Zombie again! Are you
on drugs, or are you really that blind as to think that as long as
somebody's out there wrestling, that they are great wrestlers and they're
putting on a 5-star match?
::GP just stares at Shallow, JT holds back giggles, and ?¿? continues to
beat away on the hapless Creeping Death.::
JT: He sure told you, didn't he Greg!
::GP shoots JT a look and JT shuts up like the little bitch he is.::
Shallow: I'll show you how a match like this should be announced.
::He sits there silent.::
Shallow: Wow. ?¿? slams CD's head into the pole. Who would've thought that
a used-to-be-great wrestler would ever be able to beat up on a stupid indy
wrestler from a fed nobody's heard of? Certainly not me.
JT: (whispering) Is he being sarcastic?
GP: YES YOU DUMB FUCK!
::JT rushes to get a change of pants.::
Shallow: ?¿? throws CD back into the ring. He follows him in, and mounts
the top rope. And when I say mounts the top rope I do not mean engages in
sexual congress with the top rope, because I am not John Maples and this is
not Meltdown. If you don't believe me, the absence of whores in the
immediate area will prove it. Looking around, I also notice there are no
gays and/or ethnic people, most likely the work of our other beloved Vice
President, Shaun Banin. (while he's talking a lot of stuff happens which he
convienently ignores) ?¿? leaps off the top rope with a leg drop, but CD
moves out of the way.
GP: MY GOD! ?¿? COULD HAVE SERIOUSLY HURT HIMSELF!!!
Shallow: There you go again, with your inane outbursts of emotion. ?¿? is a
seasoned veteran, he knows how to handle missing a leg drop. I can
understand where you're coming from though. God knows if you even tried to
jump off the top turnbuckle, you'd die of a heart attack before you hit the
mat. Now, back to the match. While you were making yourself look like an
ass, ?¿? threw CD into the ropes, and caught him with a spin kick. It's
your turn, Parker...Jamie'll get mad if JT gets lost.
GP: ?¿? picks CD up, and he sends him into the corner. He runs in after him
but CD manages to get a boot up in his face! ?¿? stumbles out of the
corner, and CD drops him with a big bulldog! He covers!
GP: ?¿? kicks out! Whew! That was a close one there. ?¿? back on his
feet, and CD sends him into the ropes. Samoan Drop NO! ?¿? reverses it
into a Crucifix!
GP: CD kicked out at the last moment. ?¿? picks him back up, and DDT's him
back into the mat! He's signalling for a big finish now! He picks him back
::"Uh, All Night" by Kiss starts to play.::
GP: That's...that's Ken War's music?! ?¿? ignores it, and locks CD between
his legs. One arm, two arms...
::?¿? looks around, expecting War to come running down the ramp at any
GP: Well War's nowhere to be seen...MYSTERY DEATH DRIVER! HE GOT IT! He
rolls him over!
GP: KEN WAR! IN FROM THE CROWD! PULLS THE REF OUT OF THE RING! HE GRABS
?¿?, AND TAKES HIM UP TO THE TOP ROPE! BLACK DIAMOND! BLACK DIAMOND!
Shallow: Is it just me or does Parker need to lay off the caffiene?
JT: I'd say so...man it sure feels good to be in clean pants again.
GP: War takes the unconsious CD and puts him on top of ?¿?! He rolls the
ref back into the ring and wakes him up!
GP: Ken War, the extremist bastard has cost our beloved ?¿? the match! He
slides back in and starts putting the boots to the Mysterious One!
::Shallow and JT come back to the announcers booth, unseen by the camera.::
Shallow: Sorry about earlier Parker, I get carried away sometimes.
JT: SWEET! ?¿? IS BLEEDING! YEAH! I LOVE KEN WAR!
GP: Somebody call 911! ?¿? is hurt! War won't stop!
Shallow: Maybe this match wasn't so bad afterall...it's about time a decent
wrestler stood up to ?¿?. I was getting sick of seeing him fight jobbers
like CD and Fenix.
GP: Actually, CD won. So I guess he's not so much of a jobber.
Shallow: You know as well as I do that ?¿? had it won. If not for War...but
I'm glad that War did come out here tonight. Adds a little spice to ?¿?'s
life, wouldn't you say?
JT: Adds blood too.
Shallow: True as well.
GP: Can't argue with you there. Well War seems to have finished his little
tirade, and after yelling a few "dirty Mexican" insults at ?¿?, he leaves.
JT: Hehe...?¿? is bloody.
GP: As soon as they get him out of the ring, we will bring you the next
GP: We're almost there Johnny! Just one more match and then the World Title
Shallow: It's about time!
GP: We got Michael Dudley, the current North American Champ, taking on
"G-Dogg" Gunnar Smith, the current Television Champ, taking on Jack in the
Box, a man who has held both of those belts a few times himself.
GP: I don't know, JT. This is just a good, old fashioned Triple Threat
matchup. No "Dogg Pound", no silly stipulations, just good quality
Shallow: Parker, stipulations are what makes the IWO exciting!
Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following matchup is scheduled for
one fall, wit-
JT: It's not elimination?
GP: Nah, it's better that way...Dudley could lose the title without even
Ring Announcer: With a 20 minute time limit. It is for the IWO North
American Heavyweight Championship! Coming to the ring first...
::"Enter Sandman" by Metallica plays. Jack in the Box walks out with
Ring Announcer: Accompanied to the ring by Sidekick Ed...JACK IN THE BOX!
::Jack gets into the ring.::
Ring Announcer: His opponent...
::"No Leaf Clover" by Metallica plays. Red fireworks go off, and G-Dogg
walks out, the Weapons of Mass Destruction following close behind.::
Ring Announcer: Accompanied to the ring by Ashton Cain and the Prep
Kids...the IWO Television Champion..."G-DOGG" GUNNAR SMITH!!!
::G-Dogg slides into the ring and throws the ref the TV Title. McCloud
walks over and decks Ed. The ref holds back Jack.::
Ring Announcer: And their opponent...
::"Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)" by The Offspring starts up. Michael Dudley
walks out, Caren walking next to him. He has the NA Title.::
Ring Announcer: Accompanied by Caren Dudley...the reigining IWO North
American Champion...MICHAEL DUDLEY!!!
::Dudley hands the NA title to the ref.::
(Ding Ding Ding)
GP: The bell sounds and these three men are set to do battle! G-Dogg walks
over to Dudley, and they turn and take down Jack with a double clothesline!
Both wrestlers stomping away on Jack now! Dudley turns and decks G-Dogg!
JT: It's every man for himself, GP! Whaddya expect?!
GP: G-Dogg rolls out of the ring, and the Preps check on him.
Howitt: You okay man?
G-Dogg: I'm fine. Move.
GP: Howitt moves as G-Dogg pulls a table out from underneath the ring.
Shallow: I've heard G-Dogg say that he's "the most extreme wrestler not in
the extreme division". He certainly does have an affection for those
tables, doesn't he?
JT: Tables are cool! Bleeding is cool!
GP: He slides it into the ring, and sets it up. Dudley sends Jack into the
ropes, SPINEBUSTER THROUGH THE TABLE!
G-Dogg: Damnit Dudley, that was my table!
GP: Dudley goes to punch G-Dogg, but G-Dogg ducks! Dogg Bottom!!
Shallow: Dogg Bottom?
GP: Well, they called everything Rena Mero did a Sable-something, so why
can't G-Dogg have everything named after him?
Shallow: You're comparing G-Dogg to Sable?
GP: Well...I...you see...shut up Shallow.
Shallow: Stop it, you're hurting me.
GP: ANYWAY, G-Dogg puts the boots to Dudley now as Jack struggles back to
his feet. Ashton Cain on the outside...pulls out another table and slides
it into the ring.
JT: G-Dogg'll teach Dudley to steal his table!
GP: G-Dogg sets it up, and Jack attacks him from behind! G-Dogg turns
around and DDTs Jack back into submission. He's pointing to the top rope!
JT: DOGGINATOR TIME!
GP: Up to the top they go! DOGGINATOR THROUGH THE TABLE!
Shallow: Is it just me or does he do this every time we see him?
JT: Could be why he has an impressive Win/Loss record.
Shallow: Still, it's getting old.
GP: G-Dogg makes the cover! We have a new NA Champion!
GP: JACK IN THE BOX FALLS ON G-DOGG AND BREAKS UP THE COUNT! G-Dogg is
furious! He kicks Jack in the stomach! He sets him up for a Stunner! NO!
Jack manages to reverse it into an Inverted DDT!! Jack is up and appeals
to the crowd!
::Sidekick Ed burts into applause and looks around, realizes that nobody
else is cheering, and stops.::
JT: What an idiot.
::Sidekick Ed smacks JT with a chair.::
JT: (half consciously) Hey...I'm...not that...G-Dogg imposter...you beat
down...a few weeks...ago.
::JT passes out. Sidekick Ed dances.::
GP: Dudley is back on his feet and he attempts to clothesline Jack in the
Box over the ropes! Jack ducks and sends Dudley over! Dudley grabs a
weapon, the ref tells him to drop it!
::Caren jumps up on the apron.::
GP: Caren tries to distract the ref! She winks at him...EWW! THE REF THREW
UP ON JACK IN THE BOX!
Shallow: Obviously the ref isn't turned on by women who partake in incest.
GP: G-Dogg runs over and spears Caren through the ropes! Her breast
implants are impaled and they explode! EMTs rush out and take Caren to the
back, Dudley is pissed!
(In the ring)
Dudley: HOW DARE YOU ATTACK MY LOVER?!
G-Dogg: Slash sister slash whore.
GP: DUDLEY CHARGES!
Shallow: Poor Mike.
GP: No kidding.
Shallow: I'd be mad to if I partook in incest and G-Dogg took out my
GP: That's cold, Shallow.
Shallow: Sue me.
Sidekick Ed: I'll sue ya! Maybe then I can buy a nice dildoe to get Jack
for his birthday!
::Shallow looks like he's gonna throw up.::
GP: While that was happening, Dudley attempted a Spear but G-Dogg stepped
out of the way and Dudley hit the ringpost! JACK LOW BLOWS G-DOGG! DUDLEY
WITH A BIG SUPLEX! MAN!
Shallow: Calm down, calm down. Everything's gonna be alright.
GP: Dudley back up! Jack elbows him in the face! Dudley reeling! Jack
off the ropes, clothesline! Dudley back up! Clothesline again! Wow!
Shallow: Can Jack pull off a major upset?
::Shallow thinks about it.::
::JT is still knocked out.::
GP: Sidekick Ed tosses a steel chair to Jack...
GP: Down goes G-Dogg!
GP: Down goes Dudley! Jack putting on quite a strong showing tonight!
Shallow: While I will admit this is a good match, it's still just a
distraction from the big tournament we're all looking forward to.
GP: Jack tosses the chair back to Sidekick Ed now...
GP: Ouch...he looked like a woman trying to catch that thing!
::A woman reaches over the guardrail and slaps GP.::
GP: Ouch...Jack pulls Dudley back up. Now HE points at the top rope!
G-Dogg rolls out of the ring, holding his head. Meanwhile, Jack sets Dudley
up on the top rope! A few fans go crazy! Jack follows him up...he locks
Dudley in position...
Shallow: Whether you like him or not, this is a VERY exciting move.
GP: YOU SAID THAT RIGHT! THE JACK ON DUDLEY! YEAH!
GP: G-DOGG PULLS THE REF OUT OF THE RING!
Shallow: Smart move. Jack just about walked out of here with that belt.
JT, get up. He didn't hit you that hard.
::JT is bleeding severely from the head.::
Shallow: Never mind then. Can we get some sort of doctor out here? You
know, to clean this kid up?
GP: G-Dogg is telling the ref that it was just an accident, he meant to pull
Jack out of the ring. The ref isn't buying it, but he'll let it go. G-Dogg
turns around and there's Jack! DDT! Dudley off the ropes, somersault
Shallow: Somersault plancha?
GP: I guess, I don't really know a lot of mexican moves.
GP: Dudley annihilated Jack! G-Dogg is crawling for safety!
Shallow: Haha! Only in wrestling can you see 6'7" men crawling away from
GP: Well...wrestling and gang shootouts.
GP: Dudley up...he sends Jack into the ringpost!
*That DING noise from WCW/nWo Revenge*
GP: Jack is bleeding severely now! G-Dogg slides a table into the ring
now...he's making sure it's stable, just wasting time as Dudley and Jack
battle it out on the outside.
Shallow: Boy loves his tables. You'd think his name was Buh Buh Ray Dogg.
Now all we need is a 77-year old woman, and Joey Styles to yell "OH MY
GP: No! We here at the IWO have a completely ORIGINAL show! We don't copy
off of anybody! In fact our motto is "Often immitated, never duplicated!"
Shallow: That's used by EC-
GP: EXACTLY! THEY STOLE IT! THOSE HIPPOCRATES!
Shallow: If you say so, Parker.
GP: Dudley picks Jack up above his head, and drops his ribs across the
guardrail! G-Dogg leans against the ropes, and yawns...waiting for some
action. And he's gonna get some! Sidekick Ed has recovered from that
brutal chair shot earlier on and he slides into the ring! He attacks
G-Dogg! DOGGINATOR! THE TABLE IS BROKEN IN HALF! ED IS DEAD!
::Small "Ed is Dead" chant starts.::
GP: G-Dogg grabs Ed and throws him over the top rope. Ed with a big Cross
Body Block on Jack! Wow! G-Dogg goes off the opposite ropes, he has no
reason to stay now with the table busted...SUICIDE DIVE THROUGH THE ROPES!
THE BIG MAN TAKES CARE OF LITTLE MIKE DUDLEY!
Shallow: LITTLE MIKE DUDLEY!
::"ECW" chant starts.::
GP: G-Dogg and Dudley trading lefts and rights! G-Dogg blocks, and nails
Dudley! He blocks again, and nails Dudley! He takes a big swing but he
misses! DUDLEY WITH A SPINNING HEEL KICK! Jack in the Box smacks Ed and
yells at him! Jack attacks Dudley again!
Shallow: Do you realize that if the stupid ref would've counted these men
out, we could be watching guys wrestling for the World Title?!
GP: G-Dogg rolls into the ring, and tosses the table remains out into the
GP: I wonder if he has to pay for all those fans's medical bills?
Shallow: I don't know, but that's what they get for liking Dane Wilt.
GP: Who said anything about Dane Wilt?
Shallow: Err...just announce the damn match Parker.
GP: G-Dogg shaking off the cobwebs, and Jack sends Dudley back into the ring
as well. He follows him in, and we once again have a normal match!
Shallow: If you could call anything normal around here.
GP: Jack sends G-Dogg into the ropes, but G-Dogg ducks a clothesline! Shake
Rattle and Roll!
Shallow: And he wonders why people say he's a copy of the Roa-
GP: Don't say that! A big final punch sends Jack sprawling! Dudley grabs
G-Dogg for a suplex! NO! G-DOGG REVERSES IT! He picks up
Dudley...POWERBOMB! HE POWERBOMBED LITTLE MIKE DUDLEY LIKE IT WAS NOTHING!
::"ECW" chant starts again.::
GP: Dudley rolls out of the ring! G-Dogg walks over and locks Jack in the
Box IN THE DOGG COLLAR! THE MOVE HE USED TO BEAT JACK LAST TIME! Jack
won't give up! He passed out last time! NO! SIDEKICK ED SLIDES IN AND
BREAKS THE HOLD! The ref is trying to get Ed out! He won't leave!
Shallow: Opportunity is knocking at our door.
GP: THE WMD! WMD IS IN! The ref is attending to Sidekick Ed! Cain is on
the top! SHOOTING STAR PRESS ONTO JACK! Howitt and McCloud grab Michael
Dudley! AMERICAN DREAM! THEY DRAG DUDLEY OUT OF THE RING! Ed finally
leaves, and the ref turns around to see total carnage!
Shallow: It always helps having running mates!
GP: G-Dogg picks Jack up...sets him up for the Dogginator!
Shallow: It's unneccesary but it's always good for the ratings!
GP: He lifts Jack, and his knee gave out on him! But he still manages to
drive Jack into the mat with some sort of modified Double Arm DDT!! He
winces, rolls over, and makes the pin, obviously in pain!
Shallow: Dudley tries to jump in, but Cain grabs his leg!
GP: HE GETS IT! YEAH!
::"No Leaf Clover" starts to play as Cain, Howitt, and McCloud rush into the
ring to celebrate. G-Dogg's not celebrating though, he seems to have hurt
Shallow: For the second time in three weeks, G-Dogg is the North American
GP: He had a little help, though. He's not getting up off the mat...he's
holding his knee. WMD is helping him up, and Cain and Howitt are
helping/carrying him from the ring. The ref hands G-Dogg both titles as
McCloud gets him crutches.
Shallow: This doesn't look good. And to think he had such a bright future
GP: We'll have an update on his condition on Meltdown...now that he's out of
the ring we can continue on to the World Title Tournament!
Shallow: DIE WILT DIE!
::JT wakes up.::
JT: Blood in the ring?! What did I miss?!
GP: Just G-Dogg capturing the NA Title again.
World Title Tournament
Dane Wilt v. Billy Larson
GP: Fans, what we are about to see is sure to be a classic bout no matter how you look at it. We're going to get to see Billy Larson go against Dane Wilt in a match that has been building FOR MONTHS!
JT: Now, pardon me for asking Greg, but how do you see that?
Shallow: I'm with JT. How has this been building for months?
GP: Let's go to the tape!
(Just then Harlequin makes his way out... He has a clown... NO.. THAT'S
SUMMER!!! HE HAS DRESSED SUMMER, BILLY LARSON'S MANAGER UP AS A CLOWN!!! He
is taking her down to the ring. Dane Wilt is holding a microphone.)
Dane Wilt - Tonight...something amazing, spectacular, and
monumental happened inside this very ring....but something even greater
happened in Harlequin's pants!!!
(An airplane flies over head. It has a banner, it reads, "Way to go
Harlequin. You just got in your first season"... Fireworks start going off.
Harlequin is holding Summer tight. She is fightning to get free. Harlequin
is trying to kiss on her. Dane Wilt and Phelen Kell laughing the whole time.
Phelen looks down at Asthon. He shakes his head. He pulls out a key and
takes the handcuffs off... He pulls Ashton up. Phelen is pointing to the top
rope... Dane gets a smile on his face.)
JT: Um....wow. I forgot about that.
Shallow: I forgot about that, but I wasn't here then, so that's understandible.
GP: Wait! There's more!
(Dane Wilt gets up. He high fives Phelen Kell. Just then Summer manages to
kick Harlequin in the groin. He goes down. Billy Larson comes running out
yelling. She runs to him. She is still dressed as a clown. Larson looks into
the ring and starts yelling. Phelen grabs the microphone.)
Phelen Kell - Hey Cowboy, don't blame me, Harlequin has a mind of his own.
It's not my fault. He just wanted to get in a little season. If you know
what I mean.
(Larson charges the ring but Summer grabs him by the arm.)
Summer - No... Let them be... Just get me out of this stupid costume...
(Summer starts crying. Larson takes her to the back.)
GP: And you KNOW Larson, unlike Shallow and JT, has yet to forget about that day at Beach Party. He's going to want to get some revenge for that. Of course, there is also all the problems that Dane Wilt and the Billion Dollar Promotion caused Larson.
JT: Yeah. Remember when they auctioned off Summer to Quake? Or what about when they dropped gallons of piss on Larson and Summer in the ring?
GP: Yeah. He wasn't too happy with that.
Shallow: Well, I've got some footage from Conspiracy Theory of my own. Let's take a look.
JT: Dane now rolls Billy Larson over for a cover....1.....2.....3!
GP: Oh yeah. I forgot about that one. That is an important point, that Dane Wilt emliminated Billy Larson at Conspiracy Theory. Not to mention all the matches over the months that they've had. They've really had their own feud going for a long while.
JT: Should make for a good match. Well, let's go to the ring!
Ring Announcer: The following contest, schedueled for one fall, is a world's title tournament match!
(The fans pop.)
Ring Announcer: First! Accompanied to the ring by Summer! He stands 6 foot 6 and weighs a 240 pounds! He is a former IWO world's champion and the master of the Armaggedon! HE....IS....BILLY....LARSON!
("Nobody Loves Me" by Limp Bizkit starts as Billy Larson and Summer make their way to the ring. The fans give them a mixed reaction. How can a man not like Summer?)
Ring Announcer: NEXT! He stands 5 foot 11 and weighs a 230 pounds! He is a former two time IWO world's champion and the master of the Face Lift and the Box Office Smash! HE IS....DANE...WILT!
("All Right (Oh Yeah)" by Local H starts as Dane Wilt makes his way to the ring with boos from the fans following him.)
JT: I don't think these two guys like it each very much.
Shallow: Well, when you dress up someone's manager and love interest like a clown, auction them off to a tub of lard with the capacity of a five year old, and dump piss all over them, I doubt he's going to like you very much.
JT: So, you're saying that they are against each other?
Shallow: YES! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M SAYING!
GP: AND WE'RE OFF! Dane Wilt and Billy Larson tie up in the middle of the ring....Larson puts Wilt in an arm bar....Wilt trips up Larson and drops an elbow on him!
Shallow: Wilt now pulls Larson up and throws him into the ropes......Larson bounces back...DROP KICK! Right on the chin of Larson! Wilt covers!
Shallow: Did Wilt actually think he was going to beat Larson with just a drop kick?
GP: No, of course not. That's more of Wilt's cockiness than anything. He's try to show Larson that he has the upper hand and that he has the abilty to cover him at this point. More of a scare tactic than an attempt for the win.
Shallow: Wilt now runs into the ropes...HURRICARANA ON LARSON....LARSON DROPS HIM FOR A POWERBOMB!
GP: That really does show you the experience of Larson. He's scouted out Wilt, and knows his style. Wilt has to try to get away from his high flying, fancier moves if he wants to get the upper hand tonight.
Shallow: Larson now runs into the ropes....ASYI MOONSAULT!
JT: Wilt pulls his legs up! That has to KILL Larson's ribs.
GP: Wilt now has the upper hand.....he grabs Larson by the leg...and DRIVES that knee into the mat! Wilt's trying to find a body part and work on it. I would have thought he would have gone for an arm though.
GP: Think about it. If Larson can't use an arm, that Armageddon is really out of Larson's list of moves. Just what Wilt wants. Well, just as soon as I say that, Wilt drops an elbow on the shoulder of Larson!
Shallow: Wilt now pulls Larson's arm under the ropes...AND JUMPS RIGHT ON IT! Larson is in a lot of pain!
JT: Wilt now pulls Larson to the ring post....Wilt goes outside.....HE THROWS LARSON'S ARM INTO THE POST! HE DOES IT AGAIN!
GP: That's what I was talking about. Larson is using the fact that Larson MUST have his arms to win this match against him. Great scouting on the part of Wilt.
Shallow: Dane now grabs onto Larson's arm and starts pushing his feet against the post! He's just hanging there, which is pushing Larson's shoulder into that post! Good move!
JT: HERE COMES SUMMER! TAKE IT OFF BABY!
GP: Summer is now gouging at the eyes of Dane Wilt....and Wilt lets go. If Summer hadn't been there, Wilt would have seperated Larson's shoulder!
Shallow: Wilt now goes toward Summer! Larson isn't going to like that!
GP: Wilt is saying something to Summer....Summer's struggling to get away.....WILT KISSES SUMMER!
JT: LARSON'S GOING TO BE PISSED!
GP: Wilt seems pretty happy with himself.
JT: Well, if you had kissed Summer, you'd be pretty happy yourself!
GP: WAIT! LARSON TO THE TOP.......MISSILE DROP KICK TO DANE WILT! WILT IS DOWN AND OUT OUTSIDE THE RING!
Shallow: YES! GO LARSON! BEAT THE MAN HE CHEATED ME!
GP: You know Shallow, it's YOUR fault we're having this tournament right now! If YOU hadn't had Wilt arrested, we wouldn't be here right now!
Shallow: Well, HE SCREWED ME OUT OF SOME MONEY AND HAD ME THROWN IN JAIL!
JT: Maybe if Shallow wasn't so cheap, we could be watching Wilt defending his title right now.
Shallow: I SAID I WAS SORRY!
GP: Sorry isn't good enough this time Shallow.
Shallow: BACK TO THE MATCH! Larson lifts Wilt up...and drops him over the retaining barrier! Wilt's mouth is busted open!
GP: Larson now pulls up Wilt....he lifts him over his head....HE CHARGES.....LARSON THROWS WILT INTO THE RING POST HEAD FIRST! WILT'S HEAD IS COMPLETELY BUSTED OPEN!
JT: Larson now rolls Wilt back into the ring. Larson covers!
JT: WILT IS STILL IN THIS THING!
GP: Larson now lifts up Wilt....he sets him up...JACKHAMMER! LARSON COVERS!
JT: Larson HAS to be getting annoyed. His valet Summer has been once again violated by Dane Wilt, and it seems like he can't do anything about it! HAS to be annoying.
Shallow: Larson pulls Wilt up again....he sets him up for a pile driver....WILT LIFTS LARSON AND UP AND THROWS HIM DOWN!
GP: WILT HAS TO CAPITALIZE!
JT: Dane slowly gets to his feet.
Shallow: BUT SO DOES LARSON!
GP: Both men are up....LARSON CHARGES FOR A CLOSELINE.....WILT DUCKS...FACE LIFT!
JT: YES! WILT WINS!
GP: DANE WILT COVERS!
1.......2........SUMMER PUTS LARSON'S FOOT INTO THE ROPE!
JT: DAMN IT! WILT SHOULD HAVE WON AND MOVED ON!
Shallow: YES! GO LARSON! DON'T LET WILT WIN IT!
JT: YOU'RE JUST MAD BECAUSE OF SPITE!
Shallow: HEY, I'M A VERY SPITEFUL PERSON!
GP: Wilt now goes to the top rope....SENTON BOMB! MICHAEL DUDLEY HAD TO SHOW HIM THAT ONE! WILT COVERS!
GP: WHAT IS IT GOING TO TAKE TO STOP ONE OF THESE GUYS!?!
JT: Wilt's staying on him! Wilt grabs both of Larson's legs.....HE SLING SHOTS HIM INTO THE BOTTOM ROPE!
Shallow: Wilt now pulls up Larson.....he sets up Larson......POWERBOMB.........WILT HANGS ON....POWERBOMB.....HE STILL HANGS ON....POWERBOMB! WILT COVERS!
GP: LOVE HIM, OR HATE HIM WILT KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING IN THERE! BUT LOVE HIM, OR HATE HIM, BILLY LARSON IS ONE TOUGH MOFO!
Shallow: I DON'T CARE! I HATE DANE WILT, AND I ALWAYS WILL!
JT: Dane climbs to the top turnbuckle.....450 MOONSAULT ONTO LARSON! WILT COVER!
GP: SO CLOSE TO A WIN THERE!
JT: Wilt now pulls Larson up...Wilt runs into the ropes....HURRICARANA...WAIT! LARSON HOLDS ON AND SITS BACK! HE'S GOT WILT IN A BOSTON CRABS! HE'S LEANING BACK ON THE NECK!
GP: Yeah. That's more of a liontamer than anything, and Larson has it on perfectly! WILT WON'T TAP THOUGH!
Shallow: YES HE WILL! HE WOULDN'T GIVE ME ANY MONEY, AND HE'LL TAP OUT TO THIS!
JT: WILT'S CRAWLING TOWARDS THE ROPES! GO DANE!
Shallow: YOU CAN'T MAKE IT WILT! YOU'RE A BUM AND YOU SUCK!
JT: WILT IS STILL CRAWLING!
Shallow: STOP AND TAP OUT WILT!
GP: WILT MAKES IT TO THE ROPE!
Shallow: DAMN IT!
GP: Larson is really using his size advantage in this one, and we just saw that with that liontamer.
JT: Larson now sets up Wilt....AWESOME BOMB TO THE OUTSIDE!
GP: And to add insult to injury, Summer's starting to kick Wilt!
Shallow: HA! GOOD FOR SUMMER!
JT: Larson's now celibrating with some fans! LARSON! YOU'VE GOT TO GET THE PIN FIRST!
GP: Summer keeps kicking Wilt....AND WILT SPRINGS TO HIS FEET!
Shallow: LARSON! SUMMER'S IN TROUBLE!
GP: Wilt grabs Summer and puts her on his knee! HER SKIRT IS PULLED UP AND HE'S SPANKING HER!
JT: THONG! THONG! SHE'S WEARING A THONG! I CAN DIE NOW!
Shallow: HERE COMES LARSON! GET THERE LARSON!
GP: AND WILT THROWS SUMMER TO LARSON!
JT: WILT SLIDES INTO THE RING! YOU'RE THE MAN DANE!
Shallow: Larson now tends to Summer. LOOK OUT LARSON!
GP: SUICIDE DIVE BY WILT! HE TAKES OUT BOTH LARSON AND SUMMER!
JT: WOW! SUMMER'S BREAST POPPED OUT! THIS IS THE BEST NIGHT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE! SOMEONE GET A PICTURE OF THAT AND SEND IT TO ME! YES! I CAN DIE HAPPY NOW!
Shallow: You will die if Larson hears you say that.
JT: I DON'T CARE! SUMMER'S PUPPIES! YES! PUPPIES! PUPPIES!
GP: Wilt is now just waiting for Larson to get back into the ring at this point.
JT: AND HERE COMES LARSON!
GP: Larson charges at Wilt....HURRICARANA! WILT HIT IT AND COVERS!
JT: LARSON JUST WON'T DIE!
GP: Wilt now pulls up Larson....ARMAGGEDON BY LARSON! HE'S GOT IT HOOKED ON WILT!
Shallow: YES! LARSON'S GOING TO WIN! BEAT HIM LARSON! YOU SUCK WILT! YOU SUCK!
JT: WILT'S GOING OUT! STAY UP WILT! YOU CAN TAKE IT!
GP: WILT'S ABOUT TO GO OUT...MY GOD! HE LIFTED LARSON UP AND HIT A BRIDGE SUPLEX!
JT: WILT BEAT OUT LARSON'S FINISHER!
Shallow: BUT LARSON DID THE SAME FOR WILT!
GP: WHAT'S IT GOING TO TAKE FOR ONE OF THESE MEN TO WIN THIS THING!?!
JT: Both men now slowly make it to their feet......both trade blows, but neither had much behind them.
GP: Larson now grabs Wilt....DDT!
JT: Larson covers!
Shallow: THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE! SOMEONE WIN THIS THING!
JT: Larson pulls up the fallen Wilt.....he puts him in a suplex....he walks him to the ropes....AND DROPS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!
GP: WILT'S JUST HANGING THERE!
Shallow: Larson runs into the ropes.....HE DROP KICKS WILT OVER THE TOP ROPE!
GP: Larson now goes to the top rope and just stands, stalking Wilt.
Shallow: FINISH HIM OFF LARSON!
JT: WILT IS OFF AND LARSON JUMPS...WILT MOVES AND LARSON LANDS RIGHT ON THE RETAINING BARRIER! LARSON'S MOUTH IS BUSTED OPEN!
GP: Wilt rolls Larson into the ring.....Wilt goes to the top....BOX OFFICE SMASH! HE HIT IT PERFECTLY! WHAT A MOVE!
Shallow: DAMN IT!
JT: YES! WILT'S GOING TO WIN! WILT COVERS!
1......2....3PSYCHO JAY MAKES THE SAVE!
JT: PSYCHO JAY! DAMN IT!
Shallow: WHAT'S HE DOING OUT HERE!?!
GP: Jay grabs the already hurt Wilt and takes him to the top rope.....SUPERBOMB!
JT: OH BIG DEAL! WILT WAS ALREADY HURT! THIS IS JUST JAY STEALING THE GLORY FOR BOTH THESE GUYS!
Shallow: Well, Wilt's down and out, so I can't complain.
GP: Jay now grabs Larson and takes him to the top rope....SUPERBOMB! I'D LIKE TO SEE JAY DO THAT ON THESE GUYS WHEN THEY ARE FRESH! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS!?!
Shallow: Summer's now in to check on Larson. OH NO!
JT: JAY HAS SUMMER AND IS TAKING HER TO THE TOP......SUPERBOMB TO SUMMER! JAY HAS GONE TOO FAR!
GP: Jay's now walking away laughing. What a pecker!
JT: We've now got Larson, Summer, and Wilt both laying in the ring. I guess this match is done with.
Shallow: BUT WHO MOVES ON!?!
GP: That's a good point. There's no winner here, so who moves on? WHAT HAPPENS TO THE MAIN EVENT!?!
Shallow: Beats me.
JT: I've got nothing on this one.
GP: Well, let's show you what Jay did to Summer ONE MORE time.
Shallow: Summer's now in to check on Larson. OH NO!
JT: JAY HAS SUMMER AND IS TAKING HER TO THE TOP......SUPERBOMB TO SUMMER! JAY HAS GONE TOO FAR!
GP: Jay's now walking away laughing. What a pecker!
GP: HOW COULD JAY DAY THAT!?!
JT: I really don't know. Even I don't like to see things like that. What gets me is, we still don't know what's going to happen to the main event.
Shallow: I guess that's why we don't work in the back.
GP: I'm going to have to assume that we're only going to have two men in the main event tonight.
JT: Well, you're only assuming that. You don't really know.
(President Jamie walks out.)
Jamie: I'm going to make this short and sweet. Both you losers failed to get the win...so niether of you are in the match! Now...Psycho Jay and Zombie are gonna beat the sh*t outta each other, and the winner of that will fight Michael Dudley and Tony Davis. And that's that!
World Title Tournament
Psycho Jay v. Zombie
GP: WOW! What an announcement! Here we go! It's time now for our second World
Title Tournament match, featuring the former two time
world champion Zombie and the former North American
Champion, Pyscho Jay.
Shallow: Hmmm.. not much of a comparisson when it
comes to resume's is there?
JT: Zombie always beats Jay. He's beaten him like ten
GP: Zombie does have the upper hand when it comes to
the pyschology of this matchup, he's beaten Jay before
and he know's how to do it!
Shallow: Yeah, the knee bar submission.
JT: I can't wait to see the greatest IWO wrestler ever
lay a beating of Jay once and for all! That little
prick isn't getting his hands on the title, nobody can
Shallow: I have to agree with JT. I'm going to pick
Zombie to win this match and advance to the final.
GP: Zombie looks good to me, but I think I'm going to
go with Psycho Jay. The IWO is geared for an upset in
Shallow: HA! You're out of your damn mind, Parker.
Zombie in a cake walk. Jay's no competition for an IWO
hall of famer and LEGEND in this sport. Jay might as
well just come out here right now and do his tapping
out. We all know it's going to happen, either now or
in about twenty minutes.
JT: Yep. Shallow and I are going to get along for this
match, I can tell.
GP: Oh brother.
Shallow: Want to get a beer later JT?
Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the following
IWO World Title Tournament match is scheduled for ONE
::"Divine" by Korn plays.::
Ring Announcer: Introducing first, from Philadelphia
and weighing in at 323 pounds... he is a former IWO
North American Champion... PYSCHO JAY!
::Jay comes out. The fans hate him.::
Ring Annoucer: And his opponent...
::"Forty-Six and Two" by TOOL plays::
Ring Announcer: fighting out of Manhattan... weighing
at at over 350 pounds... he is a former IWO World
::Zombie comes out. The fans hate him too.::
GP: HERE WE GO! A huge matchup is about to begin right
in front of us!
JT: This will take about.. five seconds.
Shallow: No shit. Like I've been saying all along,
it'll be over before it even really gets going.
GP: The bell has sounded! Jay and Zombie meet in the
center of the ring, and Zombie unleashes a POWERFUL
right hand that sends Jay staggering! Zombie hammers
away at Jay, sending him into the ropes. Now Zombie
hits a Monkey Toss on Jay!
Shallow: Here's when Jay taps out.
GP: Zombie pulls him up and whips him into the corner!
Now Zombie is working on the the body of Pyscho Jay,
with rights and lefts to the kidneys! But now Jay is
battling back out of the corner! Right hand! Right
hand! Wait, Zombie grabs his arm and shortarm
clotheslines him! Great move by Zombie who now climbs
to the second rope!
JT: Any minute now... Zombieplex,1,2,3! Any minute.
GP: Jay stands slowly and Zombie hits him with a
second rope axhandle! Jay staggers back and Zombie
floors him with a right. Now Zombie pulls Jay up and
headlocks him, then punches him in the top of the
head! Now a Bulldog by Zombie, who is in total control
of this matchup so far folks. Jay hasn't been
effective at all in the early stages of the going's on
JT: That's the way it's going to stay for the entire
Shallow: Absolutley my man. Jay doesn't stand a
GP: Zombie picks Jay up and hammers him with a right,
followed by a left, that sends Jay dazed into the
corner! Now Zombie charges in with a body splash on
Jay! Now Zombie pushes Jay down and stomps on the back
of his knee with a maniacal ruthlessness!
Shallow: Heh! Getting him ready for the kneebar
submission. But it's really not neccessary, Jay would
tap out if he was wearing a brace. He's a bitch, he
can't stand pain.
GP: Another stomp by Zombie! Jay howls out in protest
but Zombie doesn't care! He kicks Jay in the head,
then puts his leg on the ropes.. LEG DROP ONTO JAY'S
Shallow: Ohhh. Jay might not even need the submission
hold to tap out if this keeps up.
GP: Zombie still in control here, fans. He pulls the
hobbled Jay to his feet and hits him with a LOW
DROPKICK TO THE KNEE! Zombie is fighting cheap fans,
just plain out cheap! He positions himself now..
HANDSTAND KNEE SMASH! Jay's knee doesn't even look
like a knee anymore, it looks like something you'd
find on Zombie's dinner plate!
Shallow: That's cause Zombie eats pieces of shit like
Jay for breakfast!
GP: Jay can't take much more, but Zombie keeps on
pressing! He now wrenches Jay's knee violently, then
drops an elbow onto Jay's inner leg! Jay's left leg is
bent so badly, I wonder if he'll even be able to stand
for the rest of this match! This is just horrible
fans! I can't believe that even Zombie would sink so
low and use such a pointed attack!
JT: HEY! You never said he has to fight fair! He just
has to fight!
Shallow: Win by whatever means neccessary. I love it!
GP: Well, these fans don't, Jay doesn't and I sure
don't! Zombie pulls Jay to his feet, powerslams him!
We've got our first cover! 1...2... no! A kick out!
Jay managed to get the shoulder up, but he won't have
that ability much longer if this match keeps going
like this. Zombie yanks Jay up onto his shoulders..
DEATH VALLEY DRIVER! What a move by Zombie!
Shallow: See! He doesn't need to attack only the...
GP: Zombie is back to Jay's knee now. THIS IS AWFUL!
GP: Another handstand knee smash by Zombie! Now the
bigger man lifts Jay's leg high in the air and then
brings the joint crashing down onto the mat! Jay is
howling in agony, and Zombie is eating it up! I can't
believe what kind of a human being Zombie is. These
tactics have no place in the IWO ring!
JT: Stop being so 'honorable' Greg! This is the best
way to wrestle! WHO CARES if it's ethical?
Shallow: ETHICS are the things that have no place in
the IWO ring.
GP: You two disgust me. Zombie pulls Jay up and whips
him into the corner. Now Zombie places Jay's left and
right legs on the ropes, what the hell is he going to
do now? OH MY GOD! He's kicking Jay's left knee! He's
standing there slamming his foot into that smashed up,
barely recognizable knee! Now Zombie is putting Jay up
top.. this is going to be big! Zombie waves his arms
at the fans and... JAY PUNCHES HIM IN THE CHEST! AND
SHOVES HIM OFF THE TURNBUCKLE!!!
JT: How? I don't understand!
GP: Now Jay comes off the top with a driving elbow to
Zombie's chest! Both men are out! But Jay has started
to mount some offence! Now Jay is crawling to the
ropes! He uses them to help himself up! He can hardly
stand, but he IS standing! Zombie gets up too! He
charges at Jay with a clothesline but Jay ducks and
sends Zombie up and over the top rope!
JT: Get it back Zombie, you've got to get it back!
GP: Jay goes out after Zombie and punches him in the
face, then slams his head into the guardrail! Now Jay
whips Zombie back-first into the ring and then stomps
him down to the ground! Jay is getting some payback
for earlier! He stomps away on Zombie's chest and then
limps over to the timekeeper and unseats him! Jay has
Shallow: HEY! He can't use that, it's CHEATING!
GP: NOW you want to talk about cheating, and unfair
tactics!? Give me a break, Shallow!
Shallow: Hey, it's one thing to use STRATEGY to win a
match! THIS IS COMPLETLEY DIFFERENT!
GP: Sure it is! Well, like it or not, it's outside the
ring so the ref can't stop it! Jay turns to Zombie and
BLASTS HIM RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH THE CHAIR! Zombie
falls to the ground and Jay whacks him across the ribs
with the steel, causing Zombie to cry out as we hear
his ribs crack! Jay has turned the tables on Zombie
JT: This won't last! Zombie's LETTING him win right
Shallow: Yeah, he just didn't want to dissappoint
Psycho Jay's sole entire fan, who is in our audience
::Camera shows Psycho Jay's fan, holding a JAY sign,
wearing a JAY t-shirt and jumping up and down because
JAY is winning.::
GP: Jay smacks Zombie across the chin again, and now
he reaches under the ring for a table.. Jay is halfway
done the table when a fan at ringside in a Zombie
shirt throws his pop at Jay! Jay turns arond to bitch
at the fan, then turns back to Zombie... BUT ZOMBIE
TAKES JAY'S HEAD OFF WITH A CLOTHESLINE THAT SENDS HIM
INTO THE CROWD! WHAT A SHOT!!!
JT: Told ya so!
GP: Zombie grabs that chair and follows Jay out into
the crowd! Zombie kicks Jay in the stomach then puts
the chair down and DDT's Jay onto the chair! Jay is
out and Zombie grabs the chair now and brings it down
HARD on Jay's knee! Oh no! Another shot to the knee!
Zombie is trying to break his leg, I really believe
that fans. I can't understand what makes this sicko
tick! It's disgusting for me to watch.
JT: Don't worry, I once felt that way too. You'll get
over it, and then it will turn you on!
Shallow: Eventually, GP, watching this will be as good
GP: Maybe for you two twisted perverts, but I'd prefer
a good woman to a good wrestling match any day!
JT: He doesn't know what he's missing
Shallow: Aint that the truth
GP: Now Zombie tosses Jay back over the guardrail and
props his leg up on the ring apron. Jay can barely
stand, and Zombie climbs onto the top rope... I don't
like the looks of this fans... O MY GOD!!!!!! LEG DROP
FROM ZOMBIE ONTO JAY'S LEG!!! JAY'S KNEE LOOKS LIKE
IT'S BEEN PUT THROUGH A GARBAGE COMPRESSOR!!!!!
Shallow: Look at the look on Parker's face JT, he's
startin to get into it.
GP: This is truly disgusting fans. Now Zombie
finishes pulling that table out from under the ring.
He sets it up and lays Jay across it. Zombie grabs a
chair and props it under his arm.. what the hell is he
doing? O GOD! A TOP ROPE ELBOW DROP! THAT CHAIR RAMMED
RIGHT INTO JAY'S THROAT!!!
JT: HA! Look at that! Jay has no windpipe left!!!
::The camera pans back to JAY's fan, who is crying and
hiding his head::
GP: This HAS GOT TO BE STOPPED!! Zombie taking
advantage now! He's CHOKING JAY!! Jay is turning blue,
I don't think that he's concious anymore. Zombie
picks Jay's limp form up over his shoulder.. HAMMER
THROW ONTO THE GUARDRAIL!!! JAY'S HEAD BOUNCED OFF OF
THE SOLID STEEL LIKE A BASKETBALL!!! Jay is out cold!!
Zombie picks him up and rolls him into the ring, then
makes the cover..
JT: WHAT?! The Ref calls that counting to three? I
could've flown to the moon and back in the time it
took him to bring his hand down!!
Shallow: What's up with this biased officiating?
GP: Zombie is in total control of this match up! Jay
can barely stand. Zombie picks Jay up and whips him
into the corner, following him through and SLAMMING
HIM with an avalanche splash in the corner!! Jay
slumps down and Zombie begins stomping Jay in the
face!! Now the former World champ picks Jay up and
whips him into the ropes... HOT SHOT BY Zombie!! Jay
falls onto the bottom rope and Zombie props his leg up
against it and backs up, bouncing off the opposing
ropes... LOW BRIDGE BY JAY!! ZOMBIE GOES FLYING OVER
THE ROPES AND SLAMS FACE FIRST INTO THE GUARDRAIL!!
JAY IS FIGHTING BACK NOW FANS!!
Shallow: Relax, Zombo will just turn around and pummel
jay! See, right now! Here comes Jay, watch Zombo right
now.... O.. man..
GP: Zombie turns around and throws a punch, but Jay
blocks it and begins HAMMERING the face of the former
IWO heavyweight champ. Now a kick in the gut from
Jay, FISHERMANS DDT!! JAY IS ON A TEAR HERE FANS! He
grabs the Time keepers bell and RAMS ZOMBIE IN THE
FACE!! ZOMBIE IS DOWN!!
JT: C'mon Zombie! Don't take that abuse from Pyscho
GP: You know, I don't think Zombie has much say in the
matter as Jay pulls him to his feet and SMASHES HIM
WITH A SHORT ARM CLOTHESLINE!! Jay rolls Zombie back
into the ring and crawls in after him, standing him up
and whipping him to the ropes... MOUNTAIN BOMB!!
Zombie REALLY crashed into the mat there and I think
he may have hurt his shoulder! Jay picks Zombie up
and pushes him into the turnbuckle... POWERBOMB!!
RIGHT ONTO THE RING POST!!! Zombie collapses forward
holding his back and JAY KNEE SPIKES ZOMBO IN THE
Shallow: Zombie is just taking a break right now,
that's all.. He's been beating on Jay and he's getting
GP: Zombie is down, and Jay is taking a rest, kneeling
down and holding his sore knee. After a second, The
Pyscho is back up and he grabs Zombie by the hair and
pulls him up.. O!!! LOW BLOW BY ZOMBIE!!!!
JT: As Jay has just shown us, you can't "stop to rest"
while wrestling Zombie!
GP: Zombie chops Jay in the leg now! Jay stumbles and
Zombie grabs his injured leg, lifiting it to waist
level and KICKING HIM IN THE HAMSTRING!!! Jay counters
with an Enzuirgi but Zombie ducks and Jay goes
crashing to the mat! Zombie springboards off the
ropes, ELBOWING RIGHT INTO JAY's LEG!
Shallow: Zombo is the MAN! Jay looks like he is going
GP: Zombie back in the drivers seat and he's going
full throttle! He picks Jay up and bounces off the
ropes, CHOP BLOCK! Jay's leg gives out like a straw
hut in a tornado! Zombie takes this opportunity to
STAND ON JAY'S THROAT!! Once again, Jay looks like he
might pass out!
JT: Zombie makes it look easy!
GP: OR NOT! JAY KICKS ZOMBIE RIGHT WHERE IT COUNTS!
Zombo doesn't look too good and he stumbles off the
usual suspects member. Jay gets to one knee and he
PUNCHES ZOMBIE AGAIN!! Zombie looks like he might
throw up , and Jay uses the ropes to prop himself
up.. REVERSE DDT TO ZOMBIE! Now Jay Elbow drops Zombie
in the sternum and lifts him up, Tossing him over the
top rope!! Jay follows Zombie to the outside and
stomps him across the back a few times before reaching
under the ring apron for a table. Jay sets it up and
turns around to lay Zombie on it.. but finds him
JT: See, Zombie is the master.
Shallow: What Jay doesn't see is Zombie sneaking up
from behind him in the crowd..
GP: No he doesnt, and Zombie makes good on that!! He
nails Jay with an axhandle across the back and sets
him up for a suplex onto the table.. BUT JAY REVERSES
IT!! FRONT SUPLEX!! ZOMBIE HAS BEEN BROKEN IN HALF!
Jay grabs Zombie by the head and begins to pummel him.
JT: This sucks.. it was such a good match a little
GP: Jay stands Zombie up and leans him against the
ring apron.. then RAMS HIS KNEE INTO ZOMBIE'S GUT!
AGAIN!! ANOTHER KNEE AFTER THAT ONE!! HERE COMES
ANOTHER.. NO! ZOMBIE BLOCKS AND KICKS JAY IN THE OTHER
LEG, HIS HURT LEG!! JAY COLLAPSES IN A HEAP, CLUTCHING
::JT looks smug::
GP: Now Zombie rolls Jay into the ring and climbs the
top rope... Jay is up however.. and Zombie doesn't
see... JAY PUNCHES ZOMBIE!! ZOMBIE FALLS ONTO THE
RINGPOST, and Jay begins to climb the turnbuckle..
he's setting Zombie up...
JT: No way... NO WAY in HELL is Zombie going to lose
GP: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT JT, BECAUSE WE'RE ABOUT TO
SEE A SUPERBOMB.......THERE IT IS!! JAY WITH THE
SUPERBOMB ON ZOMBIE!!!! HE'S DONE IT!! JAY WILL
JT: I can't believe this!!!
Shallow: It's not really happening...
GP: Jay covers...
JT: No way...
::JT's eyes well up with tears::
JT: C'mon Zombie....
GP: O MY GOD!!!!!! ZOMBIE GOT HIS SHOULDER UP! JAY IS
UP, AND HE'S CELEBRATING, HE THINKS HE'S WON!!! ZOMBIE
FROM BEHIND.. SPINS JAY AROUND... ZOMBIEPLEX!!! NO
COVER?! ZOMBIE PICKS JAY UP AGAIN... ANOTHER
ZOMBIEPLEX!!!!!!!!!!! AND ONE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!
JT: Zombie is beating Jay like a rented mule!!!!
GP:Jay looks like he's lost his marbles!! he's lying
on the mat with a dazed look in his eye and Zombie
hauls him to his feet and tosses him into the corner,
then crawls outside and grabs a table, sliding it into
the ring. What else has he got?? It looks like.. yes!
It's an extra piece of steel fence, used for guard
rails.. he slides that into the ring too.... Now he
sets up the table and LAYS THE RAIL ONTOP OF IT?!!!!!!
Zombie then walks over to Jay and puts him on the
top... TOP ROPE ZOMBIEPLEX ONTO THAT
TABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE STEEL IS WRAPPED AROUND
JAY'S BODY!! ZOMBIE IS ALSO DOWN.. BUT HE'S GETTING
UP.. HE ROLLS JAY OVER...
JT: You know what this means...
Shallow: HAHAHA! Here it comes...
GP: KNEEBAR SUBMISSION BY ZOMBIE!!!!!!!!!!! JAY IS
TRYING TO HOLD ON, BUT HIS KNEE IS TWISTED SICKENINGLY
OUT OF JOINT.. HE SLOWLY CRAWLS TO THE ROPES... HE'S
GETTING CLOSER BUT ZOMBIE CINCHES UP THE HOLD... JAY'S
FACE CONTORTS.. HE REACHES..NO!!!!! HE CAN'T MAKE
IT!!! HE'S GOING TO TAP.... NO!! WITH HIS LAST OUNCE
OF STRENGTH, JAY GETS THE ROPES!!!!
JT: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!!
Shallow: NEITHER CAN I!!!
GP: Zombie is looking VERY pissed off.. he rolls back
under the ropes and pulls something from under the
apron again, now back into the ring.. what the hell is
that? IT'S A KNIFE!! ZOMBIE BEGINS TO CUT OFF THE
ROPES ON THE RING!!! THERES ONE, NOW TWO, THERE'S THE
THIRD!! Back to Jay, KNEEBAR!!!!!!!!!! JAY SQUIRMS, HE
LOOKS LIKE HE MAY PASS OUT... THE LOOK ON HIS FACE IS
ONE OF INCREDIBLE PAIN.... O MY GOD!!!!!!! JAY JUST
VOMITTED!!!!!!! HE'S CONVULSING..... HE
TAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ZOMBIE WINS!!! ZOMBIE
Shallow: That was GROSS!!!
::Cleaing crew and EMT's flood the ring and Zombie
stands up and celebrates while "Forty-six and Two" plays::
World Title Tournament Finals
First person to score a pinfall wins
Zombie v. Tony Davis v. Michael Dudley
GP - This is it fans. The main event. The match to finally declare an
IWO World Champion after one month of the title being
JT - This match should not even be taking place. Jamie has screwed
Psycho Jay out of the World Title and I think it is a major
crime. I don't see how he can do that.
Shallow - He is the IWO President JT. He can do whatever he wants.
JT - Yeah.. but just to put Dudley and Davis into this match. What about
Wilt and Larson?
(President Jamie comes from the back. Half the crowd boos, half the
crowd cheers. He has a microphone.)
President Jamie - First off... Shut up JT. I heard you telling me how
things aren't fair, well life isn't fair. Larson, Wilt, and Jay can
say they got screwed, but lets face it. They really screwed themselves
out of the chance at the World Title. Now this WILL be
the final match of the night. Dudley, Davis, and Zombie for the IWO
World Title. The FIRST person to score a pinfall will walk
away with the belt. So it is not single elimination... It is first pin,
(A disturbance is happening out in the crowd. The fans are going crazy.
The camera is trying to catch what is going on. Jamie
Jamie - What's going on here? What is this mess?
(The camera catches PSYCHO JAY!!! He is coming through the crowd. Jamie
does not know this.)
Jamie - Anyway... May the best man win. I think these are the three men
that should carry the IWO to glory and hopefully the
one that walks away the winner will make me proud!!!
(Psycho Jay leaps the guardrail almost near the entrance way. He is
headed right for Jamie.)
Jamie - WHAT...
(Psycho Jay gets in Jamie's face. He grabs the microphone.)
Psycho Jay - I broke the shitty rules, so I lost my chance, now I'm
gonna break your mother fucking face....
(Jamie actually has a smile on his face. He takes the microphone back
Jamie - Now J... Before you go around and give yourself a career ending
beating.. Realize this.
(Jamie points to the TIT-ron. We see The Usual Suspects being held back
by what appears to be security and police outside
Psycho Jay - What's this bull shit?
Jamie - You know J... I'm not stupid. I knew you would try some shit. So
I took the measures needed to make sure your little
group didn't ruin the end of my show.
Psycho Jay - Ruin your mother fucking show? I think I'd rather ruin your
(Psycho Jay decks President Jamie sending him down to the floor. He goes
to pull him up... FROM THE BACK!!! Dane Wilt
and Billy Larson come running out. They look pissed. They are going
after Psycho Jay!!! Jay is trying to fight them off!!!)
GP - I don't think Psycho Jay is going to like this too much. Wilt and
Larson are out to get him and I think he has just made
himself a grave here tonight.
JT - Don't ever count Psycho Jay out. He can take these two. They are
just a couple of nobodys.
Shallow - Larson and Wilt are going for revenge, it doesn't really
matter what they are. Jay is in trouble.
(Psycho Jay has been taken down by both men. They are pounding away on
Jay. WAIT!!! They look at each other... Larson
decks Wilt!!! Now they are fighting with each other!!! Oh my god!!!)
GP - This is totally insane. We don't even have the three guys going for
the World Title out here yet. If this keeps up they might
not even come out here!!!
JT - Wilt and Larson are stupid! They are fighting with each other now.
("Degenerate" by Blink 182 begins to play. The crowd looks to the
entrance. Out walks Tony Davis. He has a baseball bat in
his hand!!! He walks slowly down the entrance way... to Psycho Jay... HE
NAILS HIM WITH THE BASEBALL BAT!!!
Look at the rage in Tony Davis' eyes!!! He has snapped!!! He is driving
the bat into the chest area of Psycho Jay.)
Shallow - Pay backs are a bitch!!! Tony Davis has wanted at Psycho Jay's
throat ever since Jay turned on him a few months
back. This is not going to be pretty!!!
(Tony Davis continues to drive the bat into Psycho Jay's now motionless
body. Now effort by IWO security or anyone to come
out and save Psycho Jay. The Usual Suspects are still being held back by
the police and security outside the arena. Tony Davis
is going to kill Psycho Jay.)
GP - Someone get their ass out here now!!! This is not right!!! Psycho
Jay is being destroyed! What is the deal!!! Davis has lost
his mind. This should not happen to anyone. Damn Jamie.. Damn the IWO.
JT - See.. They take this damn thing too far. Jay does not deserve
something like this!!!
("Forty-Six and Two" by TOOL begins to play. Zombie comes running out.
He grabs Davis from behind. He is trying to calm
his stablemate down. Tony Davis turns around and faces Zombie.)
Shallow - HIT HIM!!! HIT HIM!!! COME ON!!!!
(Davis still has the bat firm in his hand. He still has the rage in his
eyes. Blood is coming from Psycho Jay's mouth. Zombie is still
trying to talk some sense into Tony Davis.)
GP - Thank god for Zombie. If he had not of come out here, Psycho Jay
would have been killed. He still looks to be seriously
JT - Where are the paramedics that usually rush their ass out here?
("Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)" by the Offspring begins to play. Out
runs Michael Dudley!!! He nails Zombie from behind
sending him face first into Tony Davis. Both Davis and Zombie go
crashing down to the floor. Zombie falls right on Davis.
Dudley grabs the bat Davis dropped during the fall and takes control.)
GP - Where is the damn refree?!?!
JT - I dont think we have one yet!!! This is so damn unorganized!!
Shallow - Lets flip a coin and the loser has to go be the refree...
JT - umm... NO!!!
(Zombie is getting up.. But Dudley has the bat. He sends the bat right
into Zombie's ribs... Zombie goes down to one knee.
Dudley drives the bat into Zombie's back sending him back down to the
floor. Dudley is now looking around for something. He
sees the microphone that is on the ground. He goes over and grabs it.)
Michael Dudley - I don't need this baseball bat to kick your asses. And
I sure as hell don't want you two to bitch and cry that
the only way I beat you was because of a silly little baseball bat. So
I'm gonna drop the bat and just kick your ass all by myself.
(Dudley drops the microphone and the bat. He walks over to Zombie. He
goes to pull him up.. LOW BLOW!! LOW
BLOW!!! Dudley drops to his knees clutching his groin. Zombie gets up
holding his ribs. He looks around. He goes over and
grabs the microphone.)
Zombie - I can kick your ass myself.. But I'd rather kill your ass.. So
I am gonna use the fucking bat.
(Zombie drops the microphone and grabs the bat. He goes over... WAIT!!!
Caren Dudley!!! She is running out!!! Zombie
doesn't see her!! He starts to swing the bat!! CAREN GRABS IT!!! Zombie
jerks around to see Caren. He starts laughing. He
grabs her by the hair!!! She is screaming!!! Zombie pulls her close...
HE KISSES HER!!!!! She is trying to shove him back...
He continues to kiss her!!!)
JT - This is going to change Caren Dudley's life!!! She is gonna turn
into a Living Dead Girl after this one!!!
Shallow - Lame joke my friend.
JT - Yeah.. Well.. You do better..
Shallow - Ok... That kiss from Zombie is gonna make Caren Dudley come on
over to the dead side of life!!!
JT - The dead side of life?
Shallow - Ummm.. Well. I guess that was lame too.
GP - MY TURN!!! THAT KISS BY ZOMBIE IS GONNA MAKE HER MORE WET THAN THE
JT & Shallow - HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!
(Zombie finally pulls back from the kiss. He still has Caren by the
hair. She drops to her knees with tears in her eyes... Zombie
looks down at Caren Dudley. He looks over his shoulder and sees that
Michael Dudley is still down after the low blow. He
SHOVES HIS GROIN UP IN CAREN DUDLEY'S FACE... OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!!!!
SHE JUST SANK HER
TEETH INTO HIS GROIN AREA!!!!!! ZOMBIE IS YELLING LIKE A FUCKING
BANSHEE!!!! HE DROPS DOWN
AND IS YELLING FOR HELP... Caren Dudley is spitting on the floor.)
GP - Oh...
JT - My...
Shallow - Nuts...
(Tony Davis is up and looking over the damage. Still no refree. Tony
Davis sees that Psycho Jay is still down. No one has come
out to help Jay. Davis looks over and sees the baseball bat.)
GP - No.. he can't do it!!! He can not hit Psycho Jay anymore!!!
JT - If he does he could kill him!!!
(Tony Davis slowly goes over and picks the baseball bat up. WAIT!!
LARSON!!! He tackles Davis from nowhere!!! Davis
goes flying down to the floor. Larson starts pounding away on Davis!!!)
Shallow - There's just too much shit going on here. These three guys
really are not going to have a fair chance at this World Title
in a match like this.
GP - I think the best man will come out on top. IF we ever get a refree
out here!!! Geez. Who is the ref?
JT - Do you think Jamie was gonna be the ref before he was taken out by
GP - Where did Jamie go anyway?
JT - Oh.. you didn't see him crawl to the back earlier?
GP - NO!!!
JT - Oh.. well.. he did...
Shallow - I was wondering why he hadn't got up yet.
(Larson continues to pound away on Davis. But from behind. DANE WILT!!
He has that baseball bat. He drives it into
Larson's back. Larson falls off of Davis. Wilt helps Davis up!!! Wilt is
telling Davis to go for the World Title!!! Wilt is now
going after Larson more!!! Larson, clutching his back, jumps the
guardrail and heads off through the crowd. Wilt follows him
with the baseball bat in his hand.)
GP - That bat is gone!!! Larson and Wilt are gone!! The match is going
to turn out fair after all!!! See.. I told you guys this
JT - Yeah.. Well.. We still don't have a refree so I don't see how
anything is going to be fair.
Shallow - I still say one of us should go be the refree.
(Davis is looking around. He goes over and pulls Michael Dudley up. He
slings him against the ring, back first. Davis goes
charging in with an avalanche onto Dudley. Dudley falls down to the
floor holding his back. Davis is looking around. He grabs a
steel chair. He goes over and nails Dudley in the head with it. Dudley
is out. Davis chunks the chair in the ring and pulls Dudley
up. He rolls Dudley into the ring.)
JT - HEY!!! I just remembered something! This thing CANT possibly be
fair. Davis and Zombie are in the same damn stable.
They are going to gang up on Dudley! This is bull shit!!! I DEMAND
Shallow - You have a point JT.
(Davis gets in the ring. He looks out and sees that Zombie is down and
out. He shakes his head. He grabs the steel chair and is
going to go to work on Michael Dudley.)
Shallow - Dudley is defenseless here guys. This does not look good for
JT - No kidding...
GP - But guys... think about it.. Zombie is not just going to let Tony
Davis become the world champion.
Shallow - Well currently Zombie is outside the ring with bitten nuts.
JT - Bitten nuts?
Shallow - Yeah.. nuts that have been BITTEN!!!!
JT - *sigh*
(Davis is now working Michael Dudley over with the chair. Caren Dudley
is now running to the ring!!! She is getting in the ring.
She grabs the chair away from Davis!!! Davis turns around and looks at
her the way Zombie did!!! HE JERKS THE CHAIR
AWAY FROM HER!!! Caren looks in shock. Davis SWINGS THE CHAIR!!!! IT
HITS CAREN DUDLEY RIGHT IN
THE HEAD!!! MY GOD!!! SHE GOES DOWN!!! AND DOWN HARD!!! SHE IS OUT!!!)
GP - MY GOD!!! I CAN NOT BELIEVE HE JUST DID THAT!!!
JT - WHAT A BASTARD!!!
Shallow - SO UNCALLED FOR!!!!
(Tony Davis is standing over Caren Dudley holding the chair up high over
his head. The crowd is REALLY booing him. He
looks down at Caren Dudley. He shakes his head. He turns around.. MY
GOD!!!! MICHAEL DUDLEY IS UP!!! LOOK
AT THE HATE IN HIS EYES!!! HE SHOVES TONY DAVIS DOWN TO THE MAT!!! He
grabs Davis up by the throat
and DECKS HIM!!! RIGHT IN THE FACE... Davis goes down holding his face.
Michael Dudley is now going over to help
Caren Dudley. He is calling for paramedics. Out runs some EMTs with a
stretcher. They rush past the fallen Psycho Jay and
head to the ring. They get in the ring. They are putting Caren Dudley in
a neckbrace. Michael Dudley is yelling at them to hurry
up. They are doing their best. They finally get the neck brace on and
are trying to position Caren to get her on the stretcher.
Zombie is slowly getting up on the outside of the ring. He looks in the
ring and sees what is going on... He goes to the ring!!! HE
GETS IN THE RING!!! HE WANTS TO GET TO CAREN DUDLEY!!!)
GP - This has totally lost control... They need to get Caren Dudley out
of here before she gets killed.
JT - This match is no place for a woman to be.
Shallow - Wow.. I can not believe that you just said that JT!!!
JT - Well.. It is the truth. These three guys are going after ONE goal.
Not one girl.
(Dudley is trying to hold Zombie back from getting to Caren Dudley. The
paramedics are working extra fast. Dudley is trying to take Zombie down
to the mat, but the rage in Zombie keeps him going. He grabs Dudley in a
headlock and is trying to pull him out of the way. The paramedics gets
Caren Dudley out of the ring and they head to the back going at a steady
walk/run pace. Slow enough so that it does not jar Caren in anyway.
Zombie lets go of the headlock on Michael Dudley and runs to the back
after Caren Dudley!!! Michael Dudley is up and running as well. Tony
Davis is trying to get up.)
GP - I don't like where this is going guys. Zombie is thinking more
about getting back at Caren Dudley than he is going after the IWO World
Title. I smell something wrong with this.
JT - He knows as long as he is after Caren Dudley, Michael Dudley will
be after him. So he knows that this match won't start until he stops his
Shallow - You really think he knows all this?
JT - No...
Shallow - Heh.
(The cameras cut to the back. The paramedics are putting Caren Dudley
into the back of the ambulance. Zombie storms into the picture just as
the ambulance doors are shut. He starts banging the back of the
ambulance. He wants at Caren Dudley. He looks around... THE PARAMEDIC
DROPPED THE KEYS!!! Zombie looks down and picks them up!!! He goes
around to the driver's door and puts his fist through the glass!!! He
jerks the door open. He grabs the paramedic driver and slings him out to
the concrete below. The other paramedic just gets out and runs like the
coward that he is. Zombie puts the keys in the ignition and takes off!!!
Michael Dudley comes running into the picture... He starts yelling. The
IWO helicopter is following Zombie from above. We see that Zombie does
not realize where he is. He is driving on the WRONG side of the road.
Remember... WE ARE IN ENGLAND... People are honking their horns at him..
But he continues on his way... All of a sudden lights cut on... Some of
Britians finest are chasing after Zombie!!!)
GP - This is OJ Simpson all over again!!! AH!!!
(Michael Dudley gets into his car and drives off. He is headed after
Zombie!!! Tony Davis has made his way to the back. He really has no clue
what is going on but he gets into his car anyway and drives off after
JT - Where the hell are they all going!??!? Zombie has never been here
before. He does not know the back roads of England!!! My god!!! He could
end up in IRELAND!!!
Shallow - St. Patty's day was about a week ago. I guess that would be
appropriate. But wouldn't it take like a while to get there?
JT - *sigh*... Not with that ambulance!!!
Shallow - Oh yeah... Gotta love these High-Tech British engines!!!
(Zombie continues on... and on... and on... The cops are behind him.
Dudley behind the cops. Davis behind Dudley.)
GP - Welcome to the IWO parade of idiots!!!
(Zombie is coming up on a familar British tour attraction...
STONEHENGE!!! He pulls the ambulance over. He gets out of the ambulance.
He goes around back and opens the doors. He gets in... HE HAS SOME
NEEDLES!!! HE IS THREATENING TO KILL CAREN DUDLEY!!! The police have
guns pointed at him. They are demanding that he let Caren Dudley and the
GP - Can't Zombie go to jail for this?
Shallow - No... The only thing you go to jail for over here is if you
miss tea time.
JT - TEA TIME!?!?!
Shallow - Uh-oh... Look at the time... It is almost tea time.
JT - DO I HAVE TO DRINK TEA???
(Zombie is holding a needle full of sodium-acidate-death-chemical-thing
up against the head of Caren Dudley. If he pierces her skin she will die
a horrible death. Michael Dudley arrives. He gets out of his vehicle..
Tony Davis arrive... He gets out of his vehicle. They are all concerned
about the hostage situation. We can hear Caren Dudley crying. Zombie has
lost his mind... WAIT!!! A LIMO PULLS UP!!! IT IS PRESIDENT JAMIE!!! He
gets out. He has a megaphone.)
Jamie - ZOMBIE!!! This is JAMIE!!! You have to let Caren Dudley go or I
will kick you out of the IWO.
(Zombie doesn't believe Jamie.)
Jamie - I'm serious... This has gone way too far. The special guest
refree is here and the match is going to start NOW!!! SO RELEASE HER
(Zombie comes bolting out of the ambulance and goes right after Michael
Dudley. Tony Davis has some rope. From out of the limo appears Mr. Bean
with a refree shirt on.)
GP - MR. BEAN IS GOING TO BE THE SPECIAL GUEST REFREE!!! MY GOD!!! THIS
IS HUGE NEWS!!!
JT - What is this? British TV takes over the IWO?
Shallow - The only way the british would let us have our PPV here was if
we prompted them in some way.
JT - Didn't mad cow disease start over here?
Shallow - Yeah.. It did.
JT - Damn them all to hell...
(Big Ben makes a loud ass noise.. Signaling that it is TEA-TIME!!!
Everyone in Wembley Stadium and everyone at Stonehenge all pull out
tables and cups of tea. They all take small sips and talk about how bad
GP - I LOVE THIS TEA!!!
JT - TEA IS GREAT!!!
Shallow - TEA!!!!
(Big Ben makes another loud ass noise and tea time is OVER. Tony Davis
and Zombie beat down Michael Dudley. Tony Davis takes the rope and ties
Michael Dudley up!??! They are dragging him over to one of the big ass
rocks of stonehenge. THEY ARE TYING HIM TO THE DAMN ROCK!!!!)
GP - What the hell are they going to do?
(All of a sudden Zombie gives some kind of sign. Then we hear a large
engine noise. IT IS A BULLDOZER!!! DRIVEN BY PHELEN KELL!!! HE IS HEADED
RIGHT FOR MICHAEL DUDLEY AND THE BIG ASS ROCK!!!)
JT - OH MY GOD!!! They really hate Michael Dudley that much.
Shallow - NO.. They just want the IWO World Title that much. But I can
not believe it is over a life and death situation like this.
GP - Guys.. I've just been informed that if ANY damage is done to the
NATIONAL MONUMENT of Stonehenge... The person or PERSON's that damage it
WILL be put in jail for up to 30 years.
JT - I don't think Phelen Kell knows that!!!
Shallow - Is there such thing as ATTEMPTED DAMANGE TO A NATIONAL
GP - Acutally I think so!!!
(Kell is getting closer to the rock and Dudley. Phelen Kell kicks the
bulldozer down into "FAST" (1.2 mph) and bails out. The bulldozer is
ALMOST there!!!!! Michael Dudley is trying to break free. He can't!!! HE
IS GOING TO DIE AT STONEHENGE!!! WAIT!! WAIT!!! MY GOD!!! UP IN THE
SKY!!! A FUCKING METEOR!!! IT IS HEADED RIGHT FOR STONEHENGE!!! IT LANDS
RIGHT ON THE BULLDOZER!!! MY GOD!!!! IT SAVED DUDLEY'S LIFE!!!)
GP - I think faith says that Michael Dudley is going to be the IWO World
JT - Where the hell did that thing come from!?!?!?
Shallow - THE SKY silly!!!
(Dudley has gotten free from the rope!!! The big ass hole from the
meteor has made a huge gap between Dudley and Davis and Zombie. Davis
and Zombie start running around the big ass hole to get to Dudley.
Dudley takes off running away. They are headed off through the wife open
country side of BRITIAN!!!)
GP - This is insane...
(Mr. Bean is trying to keep up with them in his little yellow car.
Police have wrestled Phelen Kell to the ground. He is going to jail for
ATTEMPTED NATIONAL MONUMENT DESTRUCTION!!!)
GP - I wonder how long he will be in jail...
Inspector Nigel - THREE TO FOUR DAYS GOOD CHAP...
JT - Where did he come from?
Shallow - The fruit loops box?
(Zombie and Tony Davis have caught up to Michael Dudley and are beating
him down in the grass of the open countryside. Zombie pulls Dudley up...
He is going for a power bomb. Tony Davis helps him spike Dudley down to
the ground. Zombie goes for the cover. Mr. Bean makes the
count..1....2.. TONY DAVIS PULLS ZOMBIE OFF!!! Zombie looks upset. Davis
then drops down and makes a cover.. Mr. Bean counts..1..2... ZOMBIE
PULLS DAVIS OFF!!! Both men are pissed at each other.)
GP - We knew this would have to happen! They can not let the other win.
This is going to be great!!! They are going to fight each other!
JT - How do you think they can go without hitting each other?
(Zombie shoves Tony Davis down to the grass.)
Shallow - Not long... heh...
(Tony Davis hops up and gets right up in Zombie's area. He shoves Zombie
back. This whole time, Michael Dudley has run off to the nearest country
road. Davis and Zombie notices that Dudley is gone. They head off after
GP - So much for the stablemate brawl!!!
JT - They are going to get lost out here!!! I don't think any of them
have ever been to England before.
Shallow - Who cares? Let them get lost!! We have cameras following them.
(The three guys are running up a country road. All of a sudden a tour
bus pulls up.. The bus opens its doors and all three men pile in. Dudley
still in front. Zombie and Davis catch up to him and sling him down onto
some old fat woman on the bus. She screams out and starts beating Dudley
with her purse. Zombie and Davis start laughing... Then all of a sudden
the local London bowling team hears the comotion. They see these big
mean wrestlers picking on the poor old woman. The six fat bald guys get
up with their bowling balls in hand. THEY START CHUNKING BOWLING BALLS
AT ZOMBIE AND TONY DAVIS!!! Davis and Zombie are ducking as the balls go
flying by.. ONE OF THE BALLS STRIKES THE BUS DRIVER IN THE BACK OF THE
HEAD!!! HE FALLS TO THE FLOOR DEAD. The bus is out of control!!! THE
BALL THAT HIT THE DRIVER JUST ROLLED ONTO THE GAS!!! AND IS STUCK THERE
BECAUSE OF CHEWING GUM!!! THE BUS IS ACCLERATING.)
GP - How do we get cameras on this bus!??!?!
JT - WHO CARES?!?! All that matters is that the bus is going at a HIGH
rate of speed and heading right for Wembley Stadium!!!
Shallow - THATS WHERE WE ARE!!!
JT - NO SHIT!!!
(Zombie and Tony Davis rush to the front of the bus. They see what is
going on. Tony Davis drops to the floor and tries to pull the bowling
ball from the gas. It won't move!!! Zombie is in the drivers' seat and
is now steering the bus... Davis yells.)
Tony Davis - HIT THE FUCKING BRAKES!!!
(Zombie slams on the brakes.. Brake locking the bus.. It goes skidding
out of control through the streets. It goes flying past a fruit stand,
destroying it. Fruit goes everywhere. The bus is skidding right for
Wembley Stadium. The fans watching the TIT-ron are screaming in horror.
Some are rushing out of their seats. The bus ROLLS!!! MY GOD!!! IT HITS
A KITTEN AND ROLLS!!! IT ROLLS ONCE.. TWICE.. It stops... Right in the
middle of the intersection in front of Wembley Stadium. Right across
from a TEA SHOP. There is no movement from inside the bus.)
GP - Fans... We don't know what to say... Ummm...
JT - LOOK!!!
(Someone has just busted out a window. Someone is climbing out.. IT IS
THE OLD WOMAN!!! And right behind her is Michael Dudley!!! He is
crawling through the street. Zombie and Davis make their way out. They
are looking around for Michael Dudley. They see Dudley... But Zombie
doesn't go to Dudley, only Davis does. Zombie looks around. He sees a
CRANE near by. He goes over and gets in the crane. He moves the crane
over a car... He grabs the car and picks it up!!! He stacks it onto
another car in front of the TEA SHOP.)
Shallow - What is Zombie doing?
JT - I don't know.. But we all know that Zombie is one weirdo. He could
be doing this just for pure pleasure.
Shallow - Maybe he has never seen a crane before.
(Zombie continues to stack cars up... He has 3 now... Davis and Dudley
are brawling in the streets. Davis rams Dudley into a street sign.
Dudley goes down... Tony Davis makes a quick cover... Mr. Bean makes a
count.1...2... NO!!! Dudley gets his arm up somehow. Davis gets up and
looks around. He looks over and sees that Zombie has stacked 8 cars on
top of each other. Davis is pulling Dudley over to the TEA SHOP...
Zombie gets out of the crane and helps Davis.. They are taking Dudley
into the TEA SHOP. They are looking for the stairs. The store owner is
yelling out obscene british things. Mr. Bean shoves him out of the
way!!! They are going up the stairs in the back!!!)
GP - This does NOT look good for Michael Dudley. There is a reason those
eight cars are stacked up. And I know it involves Michael Dudley
JT - I think he REALLY needs help now.
(They are out on the roof. They drag Dudley over to the edge. They look
down and see the eight stacked cars. Zombie has Dudley... HE IS GOING TO
CHOKESLAM HIM TO THE CARS BELOW!! NO!!!! HE HAS HIM BY THE THROAT!!!
DUDLEY WITH A KICK!!! ANOTHER KICK!!!! Dudley is blocking it!!! Dudley
grabs Zombie and is trying to pull him over... Davis grabs Zombie to
help him... ALL THE WEIGHT!!! ZOMBIE JERKS BACK THEN FORWARD... DAVIS
GOES FLYING OVER THE EDGE.. HE DROPS!!!!!!! HE SMACKS INTO THE CARS!!!!
HE HITS THE ROOF OF THE FIRST ONE.. THE ALARM GOES OFF... HE GOES
CRASHING THROUGH THE ROOF... HE lands in the seat. The top car falls off
the stack to the ground...)
GP - HOLY SHIT!!! GET SOME HELP!! MY GOD!!! NO!!!!
JT - Jesus...
Shallow - This could be the last time we see Tony Davis guys.
GP - Zombie did not do that on purpose...
(Paramedics, IWO officials, and police rush to the aid of Tony Davis.
Zombie is looking over the edge. He is VERY concerned... He is yelling
down at the people telling them to help Davis. Zombie turns to leave the
roof only to be nailed with a pipe. Zombie drops to the roof. Dudley
pulls Zombie up and is taking him down from the roof!!! They are going
down the stairs.. Back through the TEA SHOP. Mr. Bean is right behind
them. Dudley continues his trip. He is taking Zombie back into Wembley
GP - I hope Tony Davis is ok.
JT - My god... How can he be? That was the worst thing I've ever seen in
(Dudley has taken Zombie back into Wembley Stadium. They are about to
come out through the entrance way. Meanwhile.. Out in the streets.. An
ambulance has arrived. Tony Davis is being pulled from the car now. All
kinds of people are surrounding the car. We can not get a good look of
what has happened. They are slowly putting Davis into the ambulance.)
GP - I really think this might be it for Tony Davis. That was a huge
fall through the roof of that car... and then the car fell off a stack
of 7 other cars crashing to the HARD road below.
JT - Yeah.. There is no telling how bad Davis is hurt. This could be the
end of the line for his storied wrestling career.
Shallow - I've never seen anyone go through that and come back from it.
That car hit hard... and Davis had no protection whatsoever.
(Dudley brings Zombie out. They are headed to the ring. Dudley rolls
Zombie into the ring. He stays out of the ring. He looks under the ring
and pulls out a table. He slides the table into the ring. He gets in the
ring. Dudley sets the table up. He pulls Zombie up and places him on the
table!!! Dudley is going to the top!!!)
GP - He is going for BLACK THURSDAY1!! This could be it!!! THROUGH A
(Dudley leaps!!! HE HITS IT!!! BLACK THURSDAY THROUGH A TABLE!!! Dudley
slowls rolls over and gets an arm across Zombie.. Mr. Bean is in the
ring. He makes a count..1.....2...NO!!! HOW THE HELL!!!! ZOMBIE KICKS
OUT!!! ZOMBIE IS OUT!!! Michael Dudley can not believe it!!!)
Shallow - I thought that would be it!!! I just knew it!!! Zombie is
JT - He is lucky!!! But he is going to win damn it!!!
(Dudley slowly gets up. He tries to pull Zombie up... NO!!! Zombie with
a low blow!!! This gives Zombie a break. Zombie rolls out of the ring to
GP - This is still anyones match... Even after that move from Dudley.
JT - I think Zombie just took the advantage.
(Zombie is slowly getting up on the outside. He pulls a table out from
under the ring just like Dudley did. He slides the table in the ring and
follows the table in. Zombie slowly sets the table up. He goes over and
grabs Dudley. He picks him up and sets him up on the top rope!!! Zombie
is going up to the second rope!!! HE HAS DUDLEY!!! MY GOD!!! SUPER
ZOMBIEPLEX THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!!!! Dudley is OUT cold... Zombie rolls
over to make a cover... Mr. Bean counts...1.....2....NO!!! NO!!! MY GOD
NO!!!! MICHAEL DUDLEY GETS HIS RIGHT SHOULDER UP!!! Zombie can not
believe it.... The Crowd can not believe it!!!)
GP - I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT!!!!
JT - This is UNREAL!!!
(Zombie just shakes his head. He is give out... Mr. Bean starts a ten
Both men are still down. Mr. Bean does not know what to do.)
Shallow - There has to be a winner here. What is going to happen?
(President Jamie makes his way out AGAIN. He has a microphone.)
Jamie - This match HAS to go on. Mr. Bean.. continue the match.
(Mr. Bean sits back and waits for someone to get up. Both men are moving
slowly.. They are getting their second wind. They have rolled over to
opposite ropes and are pulling themselves up. Dudley rushes over to
Zombie.. DDT!!!!! Dudley rolls on top..1....2...NO!!! Zombie kicks out
again!!! ZOMBIE POPS UP!!!! He grabs Dudley by the throat...
CHOKESLAM!!! CHOKESLAM!!! Dudley is down... Zombie goes down for the
cover...1.....2...NO!!!!! Again!!!! Michael Dudley gets out!!! Zombie
gets up.. He is pissed at Mr. Bean!!! He thinks he counted to slow. HE
GRABS MR. BEAN BY THE THROAT!!! CHOKESLAM TO MR. BEAN!!! Mr. Bean is
Jamie - WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!!?
(Zombie flips Jamie off. Jamie runs to the ring.)
Jamie - Fine... Ill be the damn refree.
(Jamie gets in the ring. Zombie gets all up in his territory. Jamie
yells at Zombie!!! He is calling him every name under the sun. Zombie is
in shock. Dudley is getting up!!! Zombie does not see him!!! Jamie is
still yelling at Zombie... Dudley grabs a piece of the destroyed
table... Jamie is backing Zombie up towards Dudley!!! DUDLEY WACKS
ZOMBIE IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH THE PIECE OF TABLE!!! Jamie moves
out of the way and Zombie falls face first to the mat. Dudley quickly
rolls Zombie over and gets on top of him.. Jamie with a count.1.2.NO!!!
FAST COUNT!!! BUT ZOMBIE GETS OUT!!! Jamie can not believe it!!! Dudley
can not believe it!!! Zombie is getting up!!! He grabs Jamie and slings
him out of the ring... He grabs Dudley again.. CHOKESLAM!!! Dudley is
out again... Zombie is going for the ZOMBIE DROP!!! WAIT!!! THE LIGHTS
GO OUT!!! THE LIGHTS ARE OUT!!!)
GP - I can't see a damn thing!!! This is insane!!! Why does it do this
at every pay per view??!?
JT - Zombie is going to get screwed!!! I smell it!!!
Shallow - How can the lights go out in a big ass outdoor stadium?!?!?!
(The lights come back on... ZOMBIE IS OUT COLD!!! On top of him is a
big.. giant... stuffed.. PIKACHU!!!)
GP - WHAT THE HELL?!?!
JT - A damn Pokeshit?
Shallow - Who did this? What is it all about?
(Jamie gets back in the ring. He pulls out his presidental pocket knife
and cuts open the stuffed Pikachu... INSIDE... A HUGE ASS ANVIL FROM
ACME!!! AND THE IWO WORLD TITLE BELT!!! Jamie grabs the belt and holds
it up... He points to Dudley... Dudley crawls over and puts his hand on
Zombie... Jamie with a count!!! 1....2...3!!!! DUDLEY WINS!!! DUDLEY
Winner and NEW IWO World Champion - Michael Dudley
(Jamie hands Dudley the world title belt. The two are celebrating.)
JT - Why the hell is Jamie celebrating with Michael Dudley?
Shallow - I don't understand this. Why did Jamie screw Zombie?
(Jamie has a microphone.)
Jamie - Zombie... Zombie... I'm so sorry. Lets be honest with each
other. I don't like you Zombie. Just like I don't like Psycho Jay. And
guess what. Since I don't like you... YOU WILL NEVER BE MY CHAMPION.
Michael Dudley is what a wrestler should be. He does not break the
rules. He does not complain to me twenty four hours a day. He is my HAND
GP - I can not believe this.
Jamie - And now that I have my champion.. The IWO is going to turn
around!!! And whoever wants to face the new Champion at the next pay per
view... You better stand in line... Because I refuse to pick anyone that
does ANYTHING wrong. And note to Commish Dane and Co-VP John... Michael
Dudley WILL NOT defend the World Title until I SAY he does. So before
you go and book a World Title match on your shows... Remember... YOU
CANT UNLESS I TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN...
(The crowd is actually booing.)
JT - This is a rip off....
Shallow - Jamie is too damn picky!!! He hates too many people! This is
(Jamie hands Michael Dudley the microphone.)
Michael Dudley - Caren baby... I finally did it!!! I'm coming to see you
baby... I love you...
(All of a sudden Zombie gets up.. He has heard everything. He charges at
Dudley from behind sending him into Jamie. Both Dudley and Jamie go
down. Zombie starts pounding away on Dudley. He grabs the World Title
belt. He pulls Jamie up and shoves him in the corner. ZOMBIE NAILS JAMIE
IN THE HEAD WITH THE BELT... Jamie drops to the mat holding his head.
Zombie holds the World Title up high. The crowd is cheering for Zombie.
FROM THE BACK!!! MY GOD!!! PSYCHO JAY!!! HE IS UP!!! He heads to the
ring. He gets in the ring.. HE NAILS ZOMBIE!!! Zombie drops the World
Title belt. Psycho Jay grabs the belt and starts pounding away on
GP - Psycho Jay is alive!!! And he wants the damn world title!!! And
Zombie had it so he thought Zombie won!!!
JT - Psycho Jay wants his time... Now is his time... And he is making
Shallow - WHAT A STUPID SAYING!!! BUT LOOK AT HIM DESTROY ZOMBIE!!!
(Michael Dudley is getting up. He sees what is going on. He looks around
the ring... He sees a steel chair under the table mess. He grabs that
chair... He goes over!!! HE NAILS JAY IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD!!! Dudley
just saved Zombie!!! Jay falls to the mat, motionless. Dudley looks over
at the stuffed Pikachu. He sees the anvil. He picks the anvil up.. AND
DROPS IT ON THE HEAD OF PSYCHO JAY!!! HIS HEAD IS SQUASHED!!! Dudley
grabs the world title belt!!! He holds it up!!! IT IS HIS!!! AND OUT
FROM THE BACK!!! CAREN DUDLEY APPEARS!! She is wearing a neck brace but
headed to the ring anyway. Many of the guys from the IWO locker room are
coming out giving Dudley a hand.)
GP - HOW THE HELL CAN THEY CHEER HIM ON!?!? HE IS A DAMN COMPANY SON OF
(Caren gets in the ring. She gives Michael a big hug. Fire works are
going off over Wembley Stadium.)
JT - WHAT A RIP OFF!!! THIS MAIN EVENT WAS CHEAP!!! TONY DAVIS GOT HURT
Shallow - I think the IWO faithful are going to be REALLY pissed at
Jamie after this... I know Zombie and Psycho Jay are pissed at him...
This thing is NOT over.
GP - BUT THE PAY PER VIEW IS OVER!!! We will see you Friday night at
""All your base are belong to Gust!""
- Raging Dead