OTE:Sorry for this being so late...100% my fault I'll try to never let
(The scene opens and we see Chairman Dane sitting in his office. The
as they see him.)
C. Dane: Hello fans. Tonight, you have tuned in to see some of your
IWO stars perform in grueling combat. But also, you have turned in to
some family programming as well. I mean, who would watch a bunch of
cussing, and or swearing, when they could see true scientific wrestling
good, classic announcing. That is why, I have instituted the NEW Fun,
Unviolent, Caring, Kindess system. F.U.C.K will truly revolutionize the
Sure, we will see SOME violence, but nothing too bad. Oh, and the worse
we will hear is butt. Of course, this will come on rare occasions. Yes,
think F.U.C.K is just what the IWO is looking for. And the best part
F.U.C.K is, EVERYONE do it. AND they can do it ANYWHERE! We'll see
Dudley using F.U.C.K, or F.U.C.King as I like to call it. We'll see
F.U.C.King. And yes, we'll even see our friend JT F.U.C.King. And just
more thing...for since I was the first one to F.U.C.K I will now be
the Mother F.U.C.Ker. So, the F.U.C.King starts, with tonights opening
HIT THE MUSIC!
(Some Perry Como music starts as we go to highlight clips. We see Billy
Larson delivering a drop kick to Brian Dudley. We see G-Dogg delivering
chop to the corner to Al Coholic. We finally see Tony Davis putting
in a sleeper hold. We then cut to the announcers, JT, SBW, and GP.)
JT: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?!
SBW: NO CUSSING! You're breaking the rules of F.U.C.K!
JT: Shut up man! No one wants to follow Chairman Dane's new rules!
SBW: Are you kidding!?! EVERYONE wants to F.U.C.K!
GP: Well, I guess they do Stinkey. Fans, tonight we will see Phelen
on ?¿? in what is surely to be a classic battle!
JT: Yeah. And we'll also see Fugite take on Dane Hopkins in a special
GP: That, plus a lot more, tonight! Here on Hostile Takeover!
JT: Well fans, are next match should be one with mediocre proportions.
GP: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?! It should be great!
JT: GP, it's Tyler Johnson going against fucking !
SBW: Why must you cuss like a drunken sailor?
JT: SHUT UP SKANKEY!
JT: We need to have a match. If I win, you have to cuss during EVERY
the next week and I get to call you whatever I feel like!
SBW: I would never agree to those terms! I would be breaking Chairman
rules if I lost!
JT: You are SUCH a pussy.
SBW: STOP CUSSING!
GP: Well fans, as you may know, our next match is going to be Tyler
against . Let's go to the ring!
Ring Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, OR NEXT MATCH IS SCHEDUELD FOR
FALL! FIRST! COMING TO THE RING AT THIS TIME! HE STANDS 6 FOOT 4 AND
239 POUNDS! HE......IS....TYLER.....JOHNSON!
("Back That Azz Up" by Juvenile starts as Tyler Johnson makes his way
Ring Announcer:And his opponent...
GP:OH! just jumped out of the crowd and is attacking Tyler Johnson
lefts and rights! whips him into the rope...elbow sends Ty down hard!
for a quick cover 1 and a kick out.
JT:AHAHAHAHA! does a cheap attack! this newbie shows some promise!
GP: has Ty up whips him into the ropes again...spine buster! goes off
ropes leg drop on Ty! has Ty up and drops him with a DDT!
SBW:Now this is a great match! I love this Memphis style wrestling!
GP: has Ty now...sleeper hold!
SBW:YEAH! I LOVE THAT MOVE!
GP:Ty fights to his feet and whips into the ropes... comes back...and
nails him with a side walk slam!
JT:Now jobber one has jobber two up...brain buster! Wow...ain't that
GP:HUSH! Now Ty has up.....Ty scoops him up for a slam and flys out
back... nails him with a face buster! Now is up top Shooting star
JT:Finally it's over...
GP: goes up on the other side...Shooting star press again! No cover!
pulls Ty to the other side shooting star press! One last corner to
up top....NO! Ty is up and nails ! Ty goes up top...Flat liner off the
Ty for a cover!
SBW:1.....2......3! Tyler Johnson wins it!
JT:Wohoo! It's over....get off the ring jobbers!
(The scene opens on a backstage area. We see a bunch of scantly clad
sitting around Da Bronx Bro. He has a big cake in front of him.)
DBB: Man, I want some stuff!
Scantly Clad Woman #1: Well, there was some guy out there who said he
gift for you.
DBB: WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO! SEND HIM IN!
(The door to the room opens and Psycho Jay walks in. He carries a box
like a TV with him.)
Jay: Hey Bro!
DBB: Hey, I'm not you're bro!
Jay: No, I'm using a shortened version of your name. The "b" in "Bro"
DBB:......Oh. Well, did you get me something!?!
Jay: OF COURSE I DID!
(Jay hands DBB the box.)
DBB: Well.....thanks. I wonder what it is.
(DBB opens it. Inside is a Beaver 3:16 shirt.)
Jay: SEE! DO YOU LIKE IT!?!
DBB: Um....yeah. It's great.
Jay: Well, now you have to wear it to the ring every day!
DBB:.....Sure. No problem.
Jay: GREAT! SEE YOU LATER!
(Jay walks out of the room. Once he is gone, DBB throws the shirt
Fugite vs. Dan Hopkins
Match takes place via satellite from the North Pole. Snow, ice, and
animals...all should prove to be factors in this match. Winner gets a
helicopter ride out....loser will have to find their own way out of the
JT: YES! Some one is gonna die! Death!
SBW: NO! Death! This is a family show! A family show!
GP: Deal with it... Some may not die... They only just have to have
their way out of the North Pole.
JT: Doesn't matter no one can survive that extreme of a cold...
GP: Exactly. Now both men are being flow in from two seprate
so that they don't kill each other before the match. Remember folks
match is show via satellite, so we may have techinical difficalties.
JT: There is ice! Snow! Cold! Animals....
GP: Both helicopter's have landed and the match has started.
JT: Fugite starting this match off with a series of punches and
GP: Dan Hopkins is realing back.. Fugite with a stiff uppercut!
JT: Fugite now with a T-Bone Suplex!
SBW: Hopkins is daze and confused...
GP: Fugite being real agressive here... Time's Arrow! (Reverse DDT
an inverted reverse ddt whatever you want to call it.) Fugite with a
JT: Kickout before two... What was he thinking!
GP: Hopkins is scrabling to his feet now! Low blow!
SBW: No!!! This is a family show!!
JT: THIS IS A DEATH MATCH!!!
SBW: WHO SIGNED THIS MATCH!?
JT: Chairman Dane, I think
SBW: No, Chairman Dane would never sign something like this...
JT: What ever...
GP: Hopkins now in control! Hopkins with chops! Punches! Slaps! He
throwing everything he has against Fugite! Kicks now!
JT: DDT in the cold snow! Dan with a piece of ice to the face of
Fugite.... That could make him bleed! Bleed!
SBW: NO blood! NO blood!
JT: Let's see some animals involved in this cool, snowy death match!
GP: Dan is now seeting Fugite up for a powerbomb... I think this is
MY GOD! The Powerbomb took both men through the ice! What an impact!
SBW: NO they could drown!
GP: Both men are struggling to get up and out of the water now...
JT: Look there is Winky! Dan Hopkins is holding Fugite! Winky has a
bottle of Bud Ice! Winky throws the bottle at Fugite! Fugite ducks!
SBW: No!!!! Dan is bleeding!!! Alert the Senors... What was Winky
here in the first place?
GP: Probably interfering making The Raging One's job on MNM a lot
SBW: NO!!!!! NO!!!!
GP: Look at Winky now! He's taking advantage of Dan Hopkins...
SBW: NO!!! GET THIS IS FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT!!!!! WE CAN'T HAVE A
RAPING PEOPLE ON TV!!!!
JT: But we are! Look at Winky go!!! Sex! Whohoo!
SBW: What is with you and sex?
JT: I take it, anyway i can get it...
GP: What is that! An Ardvark is attacking Winky from no where!!!
SBW: Yes! Stop the rape!
GP: I think that is Arnie the Ardvark, Fugite's new mascot! Wow!
that move! Ardvarkinator (Fire Thunder Driver)! Winky is out cold...
SBW: YES! But Hopkins is still bleeding!
JT: Look at Fugite now... LOST TIME! Cover! 1....
GP: Fugite and Arnie the Ardvark get a ride out of the artic...
SBW: thank's to Arnie we still have a family show!
JT: Damn that Arnie!
GP: I think Arnie had other motives than to stop the rape... Like to
JT: Hurt Winky? Impossible!
SBW: I'm informed we have to take a commercial break, fans...
(We see Da Bronx Bro sitting in his locker room. The scantly clad women
still with him.)
DBB: Okay, this birthday is really sucking! Send in the next guy!
(Just then, the door opens and Mad Max walks in with a big box. It
even have rapping paper on it.)
Mad Max: Hey Da Bronx Bro! I brought you something for you're birthday!
DBB: It isn't something zany, is it?
Mad Max: Of course not! I made it myself.
(DBB opens the box. Inside, he sees, you guessed it, poop.)
DBB: Alright, that did it!
(DBB picks up his cake and dumps it on Mad Max. Both men start fighting
the remains of the cake.)
Mad Max:HEY GET OFF OFF! Ooooo cake...
(DBB hops back in discust)
DBB:DUDE! THAT'S NOT CAKE!
DBB:That's ummmm.....your present to me.
Max:Really? Huh it tastes even better second time around!
GP: Well here's another great big battle...
JT: Yes!! It's between Chris Davidson and Apollo!! This is gonna be one
match right Skankey??
SBW: IT'S STINKEY!!
JT: Oh sorry!!
("F*uck Off" by Kid Rock begins to play...)
Ring Announcer: Coming to the ring at this time, he is 6'1" and weighs
pounds, he is a member of The Wrecking Crew, CHRIS..DAVISON!!!
("Hate Me Now" by Nas begins to blare over the speakers..)
Ring Announcer: And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by Athena, he
member of The Billion Dollar Promotion, APOLLLO!!!
GP: Well this match is underway and Apollo charges at Davidson,
ducks from the attempted clothesline, turns around and drop kicks
JT: Look, both men have already started battling out of the ring!! They
throwing punches at each other, Apollo throws Davidson to the ropes,
BODY DROP!! Apollo once again whips him to the ropes again and A
NECK BREAKER!! HE GOES FOR A QUICK PIN..1..2..THR!! NO!!!
GP: Apollo now handing it to Chris Davidson, I hope there's some major
in this match!!!!
SBW: Blood and Puppies, the only thing that goes on inside your sick
GP: Ok, enough!! Apollo and Chris Davidson lockup, Davidson with a knee
the gut, AND A SNAP SUPLEX!! He picks him up again, and he throws him
ropes but Apollo roles right out of the ring!! LOOKOUT!! DAVIDSON GOES
AIRBORN RIGHT OVER THE TOP ROPE!! Davidson now pummeling Apollo, WITH
ANGER!! He gets Apollo, and whips him into the guard rail, grabs him
reverse by Apollo, and WHIPS DAVIDSON INTO THE STEEL STEPS!! CHRIS
IS DOWN!! Apollo struggling to make his way over to Davidson..
JT: WOW!! This is a great match so far!!
GP: It sure is!! Now Davidson is getting the end of the stick, being
like a red-headed step child!!
SBW: Now that is not nice!! This is a family show remember?!?!
GP: Shuttup Stinkey, now Apollo is really giving it to Davidson, throws
back in the ring, and Davidson just laying there like a slug...
JT: It's his only defense!!
GP: Probably right...now Apollo going to the top ropes, AND A FROG
RIGHT ONTO DAVIDSON!!! HE IS GOING FOR THE PIN...1...2...THR!!!!! NO!!!
Davidson gets up and starts flipping out, he grabs Apollo, whips him
corner, GOES FOR A SPLASH BUT NO!! DAVIDSON MOVED AND APOLLO GOES
THERE IS DAVIDSON BEHIND HIM..1...2...THR!! NO!!! HE DIDN'T WIN IT THAT
JT: DAMNIT!!! Now Davidson is once again taking the lead, he grabs
throws him into the turnbuckle, he climbs and starts pounding away on
1...2....3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10!! WOW!! He grabs him again,
throw him into the other turn buckle but Apollo reverses it and throws
the ropes, AND A HEAD SCISSOR TAKE DOWN!! Now it's still very early in
match and there has been quite a few pins!!
GP: OOO, Apollo charges from behind and Ax-Handles Smash's him in the
of his Spine..Davidson Is Down!! Apollo picks him up by his head and
him in the corner..
JT:Come on Ref, don't call anything.....that was legal....wasnt it
SBW:I dont know.......
JT: Apollo is now pounding away on him in the corner....kicking him
in the stomach...and now Chris is own his AAA heh, I mean, his butt..
SBW: Oh my god!! YOU DIDN'T CUSS!! ARE YOU FEELING OK???
JT: Oh My God, you are right, what the f*ck is happening to me???
SBW: AWW MAN!!
GP:He is climbing the turnbuckle, and what is he doing, Davidson is in
corner where Apollo is standing in...
JT:What the hell is he doing!?!?
GP:Davidson is getting up now, and he is now standing and..and oh my
Apollo just did a flying bulldog from the top rope onto Chris Davidson,
going for the pin!!1...2...KICKOUT
JT: SO CLOSE!!!
GP: Apollo picks him up and WOAH!! A low blow by Chris Davidson, the
didnt see it either!! Apollo is down and in pain, but now he is
right back up..and so is Apollo!! A punch by Apollo, and now Davidson
dazed...Apollo runs against the ropes and a clothesline to the
wait, THEY BOTH LANDED ON THE OUTSIDE AS APOLLO SLOWLY FALLS OUT!!
JT: The Ref is Counting..1...Apollo just grabbed a chair..2..no wait,
Davidson just took it away from him!! 3...SMACK...4.....Apollo just got
whacked by the chair again!! 5..but he is still standing...he throws a
at Davidson..6...Apollo throws a punch back..7... Apollo throws another
one..8...now ITS A SLUGFEST!!!!!!! 9....
GP: WILL THEY GET IN THE RING?!?! APOLLO GETS KNOCKED BACK IN AND
THE REF!! DAVIDSON QUICKLY GET'S BACK IN AND STARTS TO CHOKE APOLLO,
STANDS HIM ON THE TOP ROPES, AND WAIT..THE 7 SECOND DELAY BUT
GOES FOR THE PIN!!
JT: 1...2...3!!! DAVIDSON PULLS OFF THE WIN!!
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner, CHRIS..DAVIDSON!!!
"Money" by KMFDM starts as the Billion Dollar Promotion walks out
Evan Levine. The fans boo them tremindiously. They then get in the
help up Apollo as Davidson walks to the back.)
Dane Wilt: Okay, you're champion is here! Let the celibration begin!
(The fans boo even louder.)
Michael Dudley: Yeah, we love you too. Evan, get your ass out here!
(Evan Levine walks out on the ramp to a mixed reaction.)
Evan Levine: Guys, what do you want?
Dane Wilt: Well man, you haven't been pulling your weight lately. As a
result, YOU'RE FIRED! YOU ARE OUT OF THE PROMOTION! GONE! FOR GOOD!
Michael Dudley: Yeah Levine! You think you're something special? Well,
NOT! You can find HUNDREDS of guys just like you in any indy fed in the
Evan Levine: Well guys, to tell you the truth, I think you are the ones
holding me back.
(The fans cheer.)
Evan Levine: Yeah. I'm better than the BDP!
Michael Dudley: Oh, you've got A LOT of nerve to say that. Especially
if you weren't in the BDP, you'd have been fired from the IWO a LONG
Evan Levine: Well, we'll see who made who. Next week, I challange the
an IC tag title shot!
(The fans pop.)
Evan Levine: In fact, I'll let you pick ANYONE in the building to be my
partner. That is how sure I am that I could win.
Brian Dudley: Man, you've got no chance. Even if you were teaming with
wrestling great, you couldn't beat us. This time though, you're going
teaming with a jobber! You have NO chance.
Evan Levine: Oh, we'll see come next week.
Match takes place in a natural history museum
Jax Stone vs. Chrome Thunder
Neither one of these men have done much recently. This
will give both men a chance to come back to the elite
ranks of the IWO. First one to score a fall inside the
museum wins it.
GP: This next one might be a little crazy fans. Jax
Stone is taking on Chrome Thunder in an extreme match
that will be live in a natural history museum!
JT: Well once I would have said 'woo hoo' at this
point but now I say.. SNORE! Chromey USED to be cool,
now I hope Stone kicks his faggish ass!
SBW: JT, this match hasn't even started yet and you
have already begun to offend me! For the love of PETE!
JT: You know what Skanky? I plan on offending you a
lot during this match and throughout the remainder of
SBW: PLEASE JT! IT'S STINKY!
JT: Heh, I know you are but what am I?
SBW: Now you resort to childish insults... honestly!
GP: I understand that our cameras are live at the
museum and this one is ready to begin. They're going
to starting off in the main lobby.
::Camera cuts to the main lobby of the museum where
Stone and Thunder are standing. We can still hear the
GP: Jax Stone looks like he's ready to start this one,
he's got a handful of museum postcards and he throws
them into the face of Chrome Thunder! Chrome is
laughing at that pathetic attempt at offense, but
Stone responds with a kick to the stomach and then a
DDT! Things are picking up already here!
JT: Heh.. it's pleasing to me to watch this. I just
KNOW there's going to be some gore!
SBW: For the sake of the children watching at home, I
GP: Chrome Thunder is slow to get up but when he does,
Stone is wating for him and he slams the face of
Chromey into a pillar! Now Stone brawls with Chrome
out into the Greek Mythology room, and tosses him
right into a replica Statue of Zeus! Oh man! That's
gotta be worth a fortune! Chrome's head smacks against
the marble pretty hard, and he looks a little
disoriented! He starts attacking the statue, I think
he thinks he's fighting Stone! He really rocked that
statue with that last shot, it looks like it's going
GP: YES! IT FALLS TO THE GROUND RIGHT BESDIE WHERE
THUNDER WAS STANDING! A piece of Zeus' head hit's Jax
Stone in the eye! Ouch! Chrome bends down and scoops
up a piece of the statue, now he bludgeons Jax over
the head with it! This is brutal so far! Now Chrome
rakes Jax's eyes across a row of minatures! OOOHhh
that's GOTTA hurt!
JT: This isn't exciting me at all GP.
GP: Stone is staggering out toward the ancient weapons
JT: JUST GOT EXCITING!
GP: ..and now he grabs a crossbow! He turns and shoots
it at Chrome Thunder! Thunder just barely ducks under
the crossbow bolt and now he charges at Stone but Jax
doesn't bother to reload and he bashes the crossbow
over the head of Chrome Thunder! It splinters into a
bajillion pieces! Chrome staggers backwards ans Jax
grabs one of those pointy looking sheilds and spikes
Chrome in the chest with it! Now he puts the spikey
shield on the ground... FACEBUSTER! ONTO THE SPIKED
SHIELD! CHROME IS BLEEDING BADLY! THE COVER!
JT: WOO HOO! He's bleeding and somebody is going to
get killed, THIS RULES!
GP: Now Jax drags a stunned Thunder into the weapons
room and walks over to the wall where the swords are..
HE TAKES A BROADSWORD! He walks over to Chrome and
lines up a decapititating blow.... OH MY GOD! HE'S
GOING TO KILL CHROME THUNDER! HE SWINGS! CHROME JUST
BARELY ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY AND NOW HE SCRAMBLES OVER
AND GRABS A BROADSWORD OF HIS OWN! THESE TWO ARE
HAVING A FATAL SWORD FIGHT! OVERHEAD CHOP BY STONE,
PARRY BY THUNDER! NOW THUNDER COMING IN WITH A LOW
SLASH.. JAX STONE LEAPS UP, DROPKICK! CHROME DROPS HIS
JT: HE'S GOING TO DIE! AWESOME!
GP: JAX STABS CHROME IN THE STOMACH! OMIGOD! CHROME
THUNDER DOESN'T LOOK VERY GOOD FANS, HE CRUMPLES TO
THE GROUND! THE COVER! 1.....2.......SHOULDER UP! HOW
DID HE DO THAT?
JT: I DON'T KNOW! KIIIILLLL HIM!
SBW: YOU'RE A SICK MAN JT!
GP: CHROME IS STAGGERING UP, HE'S GOT A HUGE CUT IN
THE STOMACH! HE GRABS STONE, GORRILLA PRESS SLAM! NOW
BOTH MEN ARE DOWN!
JT: My GOD! This is INCREDIBLE!
GP: Chrome staggers up, he's trying to leave and with
GOOD REASON! He staggers towards the exit of the
weapons hall but Stone has the crossbow again... HE
FIRES IT! The bolt hits Chrome Thunder right in the
shoulder! HOLY SH*T! Chrome collapses and Stone chases
after him, grabbing a Spiked Mace on the way! WHY DID
DANE ALLOW THIS SH*T TO HAPPEN?
JT: I DON'T KNOW BUT I'M LOVING IT!
SBW: I hope you're both aware that our ratings are
probably dropping! What kind of parents would allow
their children to watch this?
GP: Stone kicks the injured shoulder of Chrome and now
he makes a cover on him.. 1.......2.....THE SHOULDER
IS UP! HOW DID CHROME MANAGE TO KICK OUT?! HE'S BEEN
SHOT FOR GODS SAKE!
JT: Gotta admire that resiliance..
GP: Chrome staggers up to his feet... JAX STONE BASHES
THE SPIKED MACE OVER THE HEAD OF CHROME! HE'S GOING TO
DIE! NOW THE COVER AGAIN! 1.....2.....SHOULDER UP!
CHRIST! CHROME IS BLEEDING FROM A DOZEN HOLES IN HIS
BODY BUT HE STILL HAS THE WIN IN MIND! PHENOMONAL!
JT: I'm starting to like Chromey again...
GP: Chrome gets to his feet and ducks under a
clothesline attempt by Stone.. now Chrome tries a
clothlesline, NO! Stone with a Sambo Suplex! This is
HORRIBLE! Now Jax picks up the Spike Mace again...
RIGHT INTO THE FACE OF CHROME THUNDER! THE COVER!
JT: Never mind, he still sucks.
(Suddenly, the Tit-ron lights up.)
Will be Re-born
of our kind
(White Flash and scratchy mess)
::The crowd goes nuts and begins to chant for them.::
The match everyone want's to see...
No rules...loser has hell to pay
?¿? vs. Phelen Kell
GP: And now ladies and gentlemen we have reached the climax of tonights
events in which two IWO legends will go head to head and the loser will
definately have hell to pay. Would you like to do the honors JT?
JT: Sure would. Hehe...this is great...the loser of this match will be
forced..next Friday to spend the day with not only "Sweatin' to the
own Richard Simmons, but also the full roster of the boy band N'SYNC!
SBW: Thats just sick...plain out sick...
JT: Shut up you like N'SYNC!
SBW: DO NOT!
JT: DO TO!
SBW: SO WHAT IF I DO?
SBW: LEAVE ME ALONE!
JT: Wuss...how can you enjoy that over rated crap?
SBW: They're talented!
JT: No they aren't! They don't do anything impressive!
SBW: They write their own music!
JT: No they don't others do it for them.
SBW: Well..........they.....they play their own-
JT: No they don't play their own instruments.
JT: Okay just stop before you get to the part where you say they're
GP: Oh you two stop! We've got an important match coming up tonight!
SBW: I'm telling Chairman Dane on you JT.
JT: Fuck off.
SBW: AW! He's not gonna like your potty mouth! What will the FOX
GP: BOTH OF YOU STOP! Ladies and gentlemen lets go to the ring now, as
announcer has entered in.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen...we have reached the pinnacle of the
events....in which two...IWO legends will go head to head in a match in
the loser...has hell to pay....introducing first....the master of the
"Mystery Death Driver"...he is a legend in the ranks of the
6 feet 5 inches...and weighing in at 255 pounds.....he is...THE
::"Take the Power Back" By Rage Against the Machine is played as The
Mysterious One comes to the ring to a loud crowd pop.::
Announcer: And his opponent....hailing from Chicago Illinois.....he
also....is a legend in the ranks of the IWO...and has taken it upon
to dawn the monicre that says so.....standing at 6 feet and 2
inches...weighing also in at 255 pounds....he is "The Legend" PHELEN
::"Sober" by TOOL begins to play as Phelen Kell walks down to the
GP: Alright...here we go, the bell has rung and we are under way here
These two men are begining this no rules, no holds barred match with a
Mexican Stand off of sorts as they simply stand in the center of the
eye to eye. They appear to be talking back and fourth. We can't see
they're saying though. They are starting to get into it. The Mysterious
pushes Phelen....Phelen walks up and gets back in the Mysterious Ones
he pushes the Mysterious One. The Mysterious One pushes Phelen Kell
Back and fourth they're pushing eachother! Now both men are swinging!
crowd has just errupted as these two are bashing eachother with closed
The Mysterious One tackles Phelen! Phelen rolls over on top of the
Mysterious One! They're rolling around! Now Phelen gets poked in the
rolls off of Mysterious One. ?¿? now stands up and begins to stomp on
in the corner. Kell is trying to stand up, he's trying but doesn't seem
able to make it as ?¿? continues pounding on his face unmercifully. ?¿?
lifts him up.
JT: This is great. This is gonna be better than the opening of a new
Donuts across the street from a Police Department! More blood
SBW: Your so sick.
JT: Blow me.
GP: ?¿? lifts Phelen Kell up now and with an Irish Whip sends him to
other corner. ?¿? runs in at Kell and slams into him. Kell falls to
now. But ?¿? is on the assault. He lifts him back up and lifts him into
air. For a suplex! Both bodies slam off of the mat but ?¿? goes for a
GP: Phelen Kell kicked out! Good show by Phelen.
JT: That was stupid of ?¿? why did he even bother trying to pin Kell so
SBW: Thats a good point...first one you've ever given actually.
JT: Bite me.
GP: ?¿? picks Phelen up by the hair now and head butts him sending Kell
backward out of the ring. He is on the outside now, Kell doesn't look
JT: I hate him. But I hate ?¿? to. I don't know who to hate more.
SBW: Check it out! ?¿? to the top rope! He comes off with a Corkscrew
Plancha! Kell got out of the way and flings his legs into the air for a
kick! He connected and it sent ?¿?s body off course into the guard
my god! Did you see that!?!?!
GP: That was amazing!! Now Kell is down and so is ?¿?! They're both
barely moving. Kell is standing up now and shaking his head. He is
under the ring after something now. He grabs a chair! Kell is going
the ring now! He is heading to the top rope himself! This looks risky!
the chair in hand! Kell leaps off of the top rope and slams the chair
Mysterious One! Oh man!
JT: I bet its a slobber knocker isn't it?
JT: Thats what I thought.
GP: Kell is standing up again. He is going under the ring again, he has
table now. He is setting the table up and setting it.....out in the
JT: Holy shit. Theres no way Kell can jump that far!
GP: And he has a second table now! He is setting it up and stacking it
of the other table in the crowd! He picks the Mysterious One up and
between the tables. Whats Kell doing? He's crazy!
SBW: Theres no way he can make that jump. It'll kill him!
GP: Kell sets a chair up in the ring to give him a running leap. Phelen
bounces off the ropes with all of his speed, he leaps off the chair and
the ropes as a spring. AND WE HAVE LIFT OFF! Ten FEET INTO THE CROWD!
GOD! HE CONNECTED! HE CONNECTED! THE TOP TABLE CRUMBLES ONTO ?¿?, THE
ONE COLLAPSES! BOTH MEN ARE LAYING ON THE GROUND! THEY AREN'T MOVING!
CROWD IS GOING NUTS!
SBW: Oh my god...this could be serious...neither of those men have
They're breathing...but they aren't moving. That was a career ending
manuever. If eith-
GP: And you spoke to soon! We have signs of life. Phelen Kell has
and placed an arm on top of the Mysterious One. Can he get a cover
GP: Almost! Kell is now struggling to stand up. He's using fans as
His knees are wobbley. He tries to stand fully errect. Oh no...
SBW: Phelen Kell just screamed in pain and dropped to the ground once
GP: The EMTs are rushing out to ringside now to provide medical
both men. The Mysterious One to is trying to stand but isn't
is horrible. Two legends are being carted out on stretchers now. Kell
screaming at the top of his lungs. The Mysterious One seems stable
Whats this? Whats going on? Both men are trying to fight their way off
stretchers now! Kell has rolled off of his...?¿? off of his. Both men
crawling toward eachother! The crowd is errupting again! These two men
insane! They make contact! LEFTS! RIGHTS! LEFTS! RIGHTS! BOTH MEN ARE
THEIR KNEES FIGHTING EACHOTHER OFF! ?¿? WITH AN EYE RAKE AND AN ELBOW
KELLS FACE! KELL FALLS BACKWARD! ?¿? FOR A PIN!
SBW: SO CLOSE! ?¿? now gets to his feet again, lifting Phelen up into a
slam on the hard, cold concrete! Kells back must be in extreme pain. He
screaming in pain from trying to stand earlier. How must it feel now?
GP: Good question Sticky D. Analblast. ?¿? is taking Phelen Kell to
now. They are walking now, to the back. ?¿? has Kell by his hair! They
behind the scenes now. Fighting it out. ?¿? rolls a movable crate into
Phelens legs. Kell flies up over it and hits the ground. Now ?¿? has
up a pipe. He is standing on the crate and leaps off with an elbow
added affect due to the pipe ramming Kell in the throat. Kell is
air now! ?¿? does not stop! He lifts Kell up into the air and lifts him
onto his shoulder. Oh god! ?¿? throwing Phelen Kell like a spear into a
cement wall! Kell to the ground again is being stomped on. But Phelen
continues trying to stand. You can see the look of pain on his face as
stands. ?¿? kicks Kell in the back!
SBW: That lit Kells face up! He's screaming at the top of his lungs in
He's trying to stand up. ?¿? is being ruthless here! Phelen is lifted
again by the Mysterious One. ?¿? recieves an eye gouge for his
Phelen now leaning on the wall to support himself launches forward at
temporarily blinded ?¿?. He stands up and begins looking around. He
box filled with....filled with....oh no. Its the fireworks! He lifts
up over his head and slams it down on top of ?¿?! That box weighs a
GP: Yeah it does, and that move took its toll on Kell aswell. Phelen
the ground now grasping at his back. The sweat is pouring down his
pale white face. Something is badly wrong with Phelen Kell! But he's
going! He stands, stumbling, but still stands! He picks the Mysterious
and begins to walk him further into the back, out a door into the cold
Carolina air! Its snowing to! Phelen now with ?¿? onto a loading dock!
threw the Mysterious One off of the loading dock into a snow drift! And
follows him off with an elbow drop! Its gotta be cold out there!
SBW: ?¿? is getting up now. He punches Kell in the face rolling him
mountainous snow drift to the cold, wet ground. He picks Kell up and
slams him onto the concrete! He's spotted something now! Oh no! One of
huge dumpsters! He's gone behind it and is pushing it with all his
toward Kell! OH! He ran him over with it! Oh my god!
JT: HAHAHA! Its funny cuz I don't like either of them.
SBW: Please be nice.
SBW: Fine. But Chairman Danes gonna hear about this!
JT: Suck my ass!
SBW: You shouldn't talk like that. Its a family show. Why if Chairman
were here he'd-
SBW: Yes sir.
GP: mysterious One is draggin Kell back inside of the building now.
chest is bright red from the sting of the cold air. Both men are. ?¿?
Whips Kell into a huge pile of boxes now! He goes for a cover. The
1..........2.........NO! KICK OUT!
GP: Phelen still manages to pull back again! These two are giving it
all here for you people!
SBW: ?¿? grabs Kell by his wet hair and drags him down the hall again.
they've reached the dining area. You can see the buffet lined up for
stars in the back. ?¿? Has Kell up for...BAM! A MYSTERY DEATH DRIVER
ONE OF THE TABLES! FOOD IS FLYING! KELL IS DOWN! KELL IS DONE!
GP: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! MY GOD! MY GOD! MY GOD!
JT: SHUT UP ALREADY!
GP: Sorry...I lose myself sometimes. Anyway...Kell has kicked out
is still out on the floor. ?¿? has layed down now trying to think. Both
are breathing heavily and covered with perspiration mixed with food and
?¿? stands now lifting Kell up and throwing him into a set up of
filled with beverages. Kell goes down again. ?¿? walks over to him and
Kell played possum this time. He throws a cooler into the air and it
?¿? in the face. He falls backward to the ground! You can see blood
to seep through his mask. Kell stands up and goes for ?¿? now with
kicks to his sides. Kell is still grimmacing in extreme pain. He picks
and hip tosses him through one of the damn tables now to! Good lord!
SBW: Kell went down again! He's standing up though. He's found himself
folding chair, he swings at ?¿? who is trying to stand, he ducks, OH!
nailed one of the wrestlers in the back in the face! I didn't get a
shot of who but they just went down! ?¿? is walking away. Kell is
him! They're going up stairs now! Where are they coming out at?
SBW: They're on a higher level fighting! The fans are right in the mix
They're right above us! Duking it out! ?¿? just kicked Kell in the
Kell curls over. ?¿? now tries for a DDT, failed move. Kell punches him
the side and slaps him across the face. He mashes ?¿?s face on an empty
?¿? returns the favor now! Kell grabs a fans beer and throws it in ?¿?s
He grabs him now...OH MY GOD!
GP: KELL HAS ?¿? UP FOR A SUPER PLEX OFF OF THE BALCONY EIGHTEEN FEET
THEY'RE HEADING FOR OUR ANNOUNCE BOOTH! OH MY GOD! GRAB HAND HELD MICS!
::JT, Greg Parker and Stinky B. Wizzlecheeks scatter as Phelen Kell and
fall eighteen feet through the announce position, through the lights
it, through the table and to the ground. Both men are down and there is
nothing from the commentators. The referee has just gotten to the scene
the "crash". Greg Parker has a hand held microphone.::
GP: That was the craziest fucking thing I"ve ever seen! These two are
cold! Wait! Phelen Kells arm is over ?¿?s! Kell has placed his arm over
Mysterious One! Oh my god! Oh my god!
**DING DING DING**
Announcer: HERE IS YOUR WINNER...."THE
::"Sober" by TOOL begins to play as medics rush to the scene and load
men up, carrying them out on stretchers.::
GP: HE DID IT! PHELEN KELL DID IT! HE WON! HE WON! ?¿? NOW HAS HELL TO
HE HAS TO SPEND NEXT FRIDAY WITH N'SYNC AND RICHARD SIMMONS! PHELEN
YOUR WINNER! THE FANS HAVE EXPLODED! WE HAVE TO GO LADIES AND
BEHALF OF JT, STINKY AND MYSELF...GOODNIGHT! AND WE'LL SEE YOU ON
The lights go out all of a sudden as the sound level rises)
JT: What the hell is going on???
GP: I don't know but this can't be good!
("Nobody Loves Me" by Limp Bizkit begins to play as the lights remain
GP: Oh lord, we know that music!
JT: THAT'S BILLY LARSON'S MUSIC! HE ISN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE
GP: This can't be good. I'm surprised he's even walking after what
at Conspiracy Theory!
(The lights turn on...)
JT: OH NO!!! Billy Larson has ?¿? in the middle of the ring. ?¿? is
around and has no clue what the hell is going on!!!
GP: OH NO!!! LARSON WITH THE ARMAGEDDON! HE'S GOT IT ON!
JT: This is not good! Larson isn't letting go!
GP: Well it looks like he's showing mercy as he lets go. Wait, he's
for something under the ring.
JT: He's pulling out.... A WHEERLCHAIR?!?!
GP: This could be a sign of what happened at Conspiracy Theory with the
in the wheelchair!
JT: OH NO! HE'S NOT GOING TO.......
GP: OH NO!!! LARSON JUST DROVE THE WHEELCHAIR INTO THE KNEE OF ?¿?!!!
JT: HE PUTS THE LEG OUT AND SIT IN THE WHEELCHAIR! OH NO!!!! HE'S
GP: HE'S GONNA ROLL ALL OVER THAT CRUSHED KNEE!!!
JT: THIS IS HORRIBLE! SOMEONE HAS TO STOP HIM!!
(Security comes running out frm the back as Larson notices them as runs
GP: Well it looks like he is finally gone. But I don't think ?¿? will
able to talk for quite some time.
JT: This has bee-
(JT is cut off by a microphone)
Billy Larson: If you thought this was bad, wait until Monday Night
TITAN! IT'S YOUR TURN BITCH!
(Fade to black)
- Kentucky Tarzan