*The following is intended for a pay per view viewing audience. If you do not like Mature subject matters then please do not read*
(A black screen. A heartbeat. The words "Internet Wrestling Organization." Fade in, fade out. Again. Again. Again; this time with no fade out. A crash of thunder, a bolt of lightning, and the words light aflame, shining bright blue as they burn.)
("No Leaf Clover" by Metallica w/ the San Francisco Musical Orchestra softly plays as the words 'Conspiracy Theory' appears on the screen. Slowly, they grow larger, then twist sideways and fade away......)
(BOOM! Fireworks go off everywhere as "No Leaf Clover" plays, now live, throughout the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, NV. Fans scream, fans yell, fans do whatever the hell they want to. This is worse than the Mike Tyson/Evander Holyfield outburst after Tyson did a little ear chomping. Anyway...back to the PPV. Fireworks continue to blast off everywhere. The music fades out, only to be replaced by The Grinch theme. On the screen, we can see Real Audio Reporter Johnny Shallow giving his Ice Age predictions away. More fireworks go off as Shallow makes his way down to the announce booth. The Grinch Theme fades, and soon is replaced by "Black Hole Sun" by Sound Garden. Various clips of JT getting smacked by various IWO announcers, employees, and women is shown as JT makes his way to the announce booth. He stops for a moment to grimace at the footage being shown, then continues to stomp his way to the announce booth. "Stir It Up" by Bob Marley plays as Greg Parker comes down to footage of himself yelling, screaming, ranting and raving into the announce headset. He makes his way down to the ring.)
(The audience continues to scream and shout as the three finally get comfortable, sit down, and begin to actually do their jobs.)
GP- WELCOME TO CONSPIRACY THEORY 2000!!
Shallow- Yeah yeah, enough hype. Everyone knows this PPV is gonna suck, lets just get it done and over with.
GP- Well the only reason nobody is buying this PPV is because of the Superbowl...
Shallow- And because it sucks.
GP- Hey! Nothing IWO sucks!!
Shallow- How about Altoid?
GP- SHUT UP JT!!
Shallow- We're going to have problems with him.
GP- Yes we are.
Shallow- What shall we do to him?
JT- NOTHING!! THE FIRST MATCH IS ABOUT TO START!
Shallow & GP- RIGHT!
GP - It's time for our very first match of the night and a strange one at that.. it's ANIMAL BRAWL 2000!!!
JT - JAMIE MUST BE ON CRACK!
Shallow - I'm waiting for the return of my favorite mascot Dave the Camel!
(Sign: Dave the Camel 3:16, I just got lung cancer)
Shallow - IF YOU WANT DAVE THE CAMEL TO GIVE EVERYONE LUNG CANCER, GIVE ME A HELL YEAH!!
JT - They hate your guts Shallow.
Shallow - OH SHUT UP MR. I AM THE MOST GENERIC HEEL EVER!
JT - Often imitated never duplicated!
(Devin Towers (DT) of the IML is in the rafters with a sniper rifle! HE IS TRYING TO SHOOT JT! WAIT! IT'S STING!! HE SUMMONS A CROW TO ATTACK DT!! THE CROW STARTS FLYING IN STING'S FACE INSTEAD!!! HE FALLS! DEVIN FALLS! SPLAT!)
Shallow - ......
GP - ....
JT - ....
Shallow - ...Uh, I know I'm new here.. was that supposed to happen?
GP - (whisper) Just ignore it, it'll go away.
JT - NOW IT'S TIME TO BRING OUT THE CONTESTANTS!
Ring Announcer - Introducing first.... the GOOPAMANIACS!!!
(The fans pop!)
JT - Remember guys, Goopy may beat on a dead man in Dan Kordic, but WINKY BEAT JUSTIN SHACK!
Ring Announcer - He is a member of THE GOOPAMANIACS and his catch phrase is "THEY'RRRRRRRRRRRRE GREAT!"!
(The fans pop!!!)
Ring Announcer - He is TONY THE TIGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Tony comes out .He is throwing boxes of Frosted Flakes into the audience! Thank God no Cocoa Frosted Flakes, because let's be quite honest. They blew. Tony slides into the ring and hits the top rope!! He has a microphone.) Tony - So Ring Announcer, what is your favorite cereal?
Ring Announcer - FROSTED
Tony - IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL IS!!!
(TONY GRABS THE RING ANNOUNCER, FLAKY BOTTOM (Rock Bottom)!!! HE GRABS HIS MICROPHONE!)
Tony - Now another member of the Winky-ites.. HEEEEEEEE's GREAT... he just NEVER GETS THAT DAMNED BOX OF TRIX THANKS TO THE DAMNED KIDS!!!
Shallow - Tony is HARDCORE!
Fans - HE'S HARDCORE! HE'S HARDCORE!
Tony - He is the TRIX RABBIT! HEEEEEEEEE'S GREAT!
(The Trix Rabbit comes out. A little kid in the audience has a box of Trix. THE TRIX RABBIT PUNCHES THE KID IN THE HEAD!!! OH MY GOD!! THE TRIX RABBIT WON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER! HE HAS THE TRIX! HE HAS THE TRIX!! WAIT!! HERE COMES GARRET KOSOY AND THE GARRET SOLDIERS!)
Garret - HOOTIE HO!!!!
Garrest Soldiers - HOOTIE HO!!!!
GP - This is an obvious ripoff of Master P and his No Limit Soldiers. They even do the freaking Hootie Ho!!
Shallow - Shut up fatass. This is entertainment!
(The Garrett Soldiers and Garrett procede to layeth the smacketh down on Trix Rabbit. They take the cereal.)
Garrett - Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids! HOOTIE HO!!!!
(The Trix Rabbit is a mess.. Garrett and the Soldiers leave with the Trix.)
Tony - Well uh.. another member of the Winky-ites.. he's everyone's favorite GREEEAT Dolphin.. welcome FLIPPER!!
(A tank of water with Flipper inside is rolled out to ringside. Flipper is in the water. He can't do much. The fans boo.)
Tony - HE'S GREEEEAT!!!
(Trix Rabbit gets up and rolls into the ring. He is a mess.)
Tony - Now... MY RIVAL AND A MAN I HATE... fuck him.. he's not GREEEAT.. he is Coco, the damned Coco Krispies mascot... and as for his stats.. well, he's got herpes and scabies.. he hasn't showered in 7 years... and rumor has it he's had once of those nacho cheese gorditas stuck up his ass for the last twelve hours!
JT - Goopy and his owner won't be too happy to hear those are going to waste!
(The Coco Krispies Monkey walks out.. he looks pissed... he gets into the ring and stays away from Tony.)
Tony - And now... he is Shallow's personal favorite and the master of THE LUNG CANCER.. he touches your adams apple and gives you lung cancer.. BACK FROM RETIREMENT.. a member of the Winky-ites... he's NOT great.. he gives people cancer.. he's a son of a bitch and I'm glad he's not on my team.. Dave the f'n Camel...
(Dave walks out with a NAKED WHORE ON EACH ARM!!! THERE ARE KIDS IN THE AUDIENCE!! HE WALKS DOWN TO THE RING AND STARTS SNIFFING COCAINE.. NO!!! THIS IS FAMILY TELEVISION!)
Chairman Dane - NO!! THIS IS FAMILY TV!
Dave the Camel - ARCKHH!!
(Dave touches Chairman Dane and HE GETS A DEADLY FORM OF CAMEL DISEASE.. doctors run out immeadietley and give him the cure for Camel Disease.)
Shallow - HE DIDN'T TOUCH HIS THROAT! DAVE YOU SHOULD HAVE KILLED HIM!
(Dave gets into the ring.)
Tony - And now.. the captain of the Winky-ites.. a man I respect very much... he beat Justin Shack in a singles match!!! That's hardcore! He's GREEAT! He is the former mascot of The Raging One... he is WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKYYYYYYYYYYY!!
("Doobie Doobie Do" begins to play several times. The fans go crazy. The lights go out! Suddenly, a platform comes up in the ring! WINKY IS ON IT!! HE HAS A BOTTLE OF BUD ICE! SUDDENLY THE LIGHTS COME ON!! WINKY SPREADS HIS WINGS! HE DROPS DOWN AND SLAMS THE BOTTLE OF BUD ICE OVER TONY'S HEAD!)
Winky - GAWK GAWK GAWK GAWK GAWK!
(Translation: He's not on our team you idiots!)
Trix - Oh yeah!!
Winky - GAWK GAWK GAWK GAWK GAWK!
(Translation: Beat him and then leave him tied up naked in my dressing room!)
GP - It's times like this I'm glad I don't know what he's saying. BUT OUR VIEWERS AT HOME DO!
(The Electric Slide begins to play... YES!! IT'S THE GOOPAMANIACS!!! THE ELECTRIC SLIDE CUTS OFF.. AND "REAL AMERICAN" STARTS UP!! THE GOOPAMANIACS ARE DRESSED IN YELLOW AND RED!! THE FANS ARE GOING INSANE!!)
Goopy - OOGA BOOGA BOOGA OOGA!!
(Translation: Brother, FIGHT FOR WHAT'S RIGHT, FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE!)
(The Goop-a-Maniacs rush the ring!)
*DING DING DING*
Goopy and Winky immeadietley start fighting. Winky jams his fin into Goopy's chest. IT DOESN'T PHASE GOOPY! Goopy tosses Winky into the ropes, BIG BOOT! He goes back, but DAVE THE CAMEL TOUCHES GOOPY!! GOOPY IS WRITING IN PAIN! But no disease. Tai and Bebe are just sitting there doing nothing. THE PENGUIN! HE HAS HIS UMBRELLA!! HE JAMS IT INTO THE COCO KRISPIES MONKEY'S EYE!
Shallow - This was such a stupid idea.
JT - LOL!
GP - WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!?! DID YOU JUST SAY THE ONLINE EXPRESSION FOR LAUGHING OUT LOUD!
JT - LOL LOL!
The Penguin is just a mess. He is making weird noises as he jumps up and down onto Coco, squashing him.
Penguin - MEAH!!!! NYAH!!! GARK!! WAWK WAWK!
Tony the Tiger is getting up. WAIT.. HE RAISES THE FROSTED FLAKES EYEBROW! THE FANS POP! HE GETS INTO THE RING!! HE GOES TO THE TOP ROPE AND LOOKS INTO THE DISTANCE..
Tony - Finally... THE TIGER HAS COME BACK TO LAS VEGAS!
(The fans go nuts. Suddenly, everyone has on a Tony the Tiger shirt that reads "If ya smell what the Tiger is cookin'".)
Tony - ALL YOU TOOTY FRUITY CANDY ASSES!
JT - HE SAID TOOTY FRUITY!!! MANUFACTURERS HAVE THE NEW SHIRTS!
(The audience leaves to go buy Tony the Tiger Tooty Fruity shirts..)
Dave the Camel sneaks up behind Tony. HE POKES TONY IN THE BUTTOCKS! TONY FALLS DOWN!!! YOU KNOW WHAT HE IS FEELING RIGHT NOW! DAVE COVERS! 1, 2, 3!
Eliminated - Tony the Tiger
(Tony gets up and walks to the back.)
Shallow - DAVE IS UNSTOPPABLE!
Winky and Goopy are once again going at it.. Winky with a low blow! The Trix Rabbit and Coco are on the same team but they don't care anymore..
Trix - MY CEREAL IS BETTER!
Coco - AT LEAST I DON'T LET KIDS PUSH ME AROUND
Trix - AT LEAST MY CEREAL ISIN'T A RIPOFF!
Coco - YOU SON OF A BIIIITCH!
Coco leaps on Trix Rabbit and starts biting him! They both go down! Tai and Bebe jump on both of them! 1, 2, 3!!
Eliminated - Trix Rabbit and Coco
(We go to the back. President Jamie Kosoy is there with Garrett and Tony.)
Jamie - Tony, we need you to teach Garrett some catch phrases to get him over.
Tony - FINALLY.. THE TONY HAS COME BACK TO THE OFFICE!
(He looks off into the distance.)
Jamie - Yeah.. ok. Just teach him some catch phrases!
Tony - KNOW YOUR ROLE AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
(He takes a deep breath and looks out again.)
Jamie - JUST TEACH HIM SOME CATCH PHRASES DAMMIT!
(We cut back to the ring.)
GP - Two members of Team Winky are gone and The Tiger is out on the Goopamaniacs side.
Shallow - The action is heating up!
The Penguin uses his umbrella to smash Flipper's water tank. Flipper is flopping around. The Penguin covers! 1, 2, 3!
Eliminated - Flipper
JT - THE PENGUIN IS A ONE MAN WRECKING MACHINE!
Shallow - IT'S JUST DAVE THE CAMEL AND WINKY V. GOOPY, TAI AND BEBE AND THE PENGUIN!
Over the Loudspeaker: Drop the Chulupa!
(THE FANS GO ABSOLUTELY CRAZY!! THE GORDITA NATIONAL ANTHEM STARTS TO PLAY!!! IT'S BEDLAM!! THIS IS AMAZING!)
GORDITAS! GORDITAS! FLATBREAD CRADLES WE!!! TASTE SUPREME TODAY! THEN SANTA FE! FIESTA WE LOVE THEE! GORDIIIIIIITAS!!!!
(We see the Mysterious One with a hand on his heart... he is crying. HE GOES BEHIND THE CAMERA AND STARTS TALKING TO THE CAMERA MAN..)
Camera Man - That was NOT ?¿?.. just some loser.
Shallow - That son of a bitch camera man! He's going to be fired!
THE TACO BELL DOG RUNS OUT! HE GOES RIGHT AFTER GOOPY! HE IS TRYING TO GET BEHIND GOOPY! GOOPY KICKS THE DOG IN THE GUT!! MYSTERY GOOPY DRIVER! Winky gets away from them and smashes a bottle of Bud Ice over the Penguin's head! 1, 2, 3!
Eliminated - The Penguin
JT - LOOK!! IT'S TONY THE TIGER COMING BACK OUT!!! HE HAS.. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT! A NICOTINE PATCH!
TONY PUTS THE PATCH ON DAVE! DAVE STARTS CONVULSING ON THE FLOOR!!! TAI AND BEBE ARE ON THE TOP ROPE! BEBE HITS A 450! TAI WITH THE JEFF HARDY SENTON!! Tai whips Dave into the ropes.. THEY HIT THE TAI AND BEBE DEATH DROP!! DOUBLE COVER! 1, 2, 3!
Eliminated - Dave the Camel
Goopamaniacs Goopy Tai and Bebe
JT - IT'S WINKY v. GOOPY AND THE KILLER SHITZUS!
The Taco Bell Dog is still alive! He has two gorditas! HE SMASHES THEM OVER TAI AND BEBES HEAD!! WAIT! THEY HAD BRICKS IN THEM!! WINKY WITH A DOUBLE COVER! 1, 2, 3!
Eliminated - Tai and Bebe
JT - NO!! IT'S NOW TIME FOR THE MONUMENTAL SHOWDOWN OF THE CENTURY!! FORGET ZOMBIE V. THE VIETNAM VETERAN, PHELEN KELL V. DANE WILT, ?¿? V. TITAN, IT'S TIME FOR WINKY V. GOOPY!!
The finals of Animal Brawl 2000.. Winner Take All.. Goopy v. Winky
*DING DING DING*
WINKY AND GOOPY ARE STILL GOING AT IT!! Winky clotheslines Goopy down! Winky goes to the top rope!! NO!!! ICE ASS (Top Rope Sitdown)!!!!! THE MOVE THAT HE PINNED JUSTIN SHACK WITH! HE COVERS! 1, 2, GOOPY KICKS OUT!! GOOPY IS HULKING UP!! Winky punches Goopy! NO EFFECT! AGAIN! NOTHING! AGAIN!! GOOPY IS WARNING WINKY!!!! WINKY GOES FOR IT AGAIN! GOOPY PUNCHES WINKY! AGAIN! AGAIN! WHIP INTO THE ROPES, BIG BOOT! GOOPY OFF THE ROPES, BIG LEGDROP!! THE COVER!
JT - It's all over but the shouting!
1............................ 2............................ WINKY KICKS OUT!!!!!
GP - BE STILL MY BEATING HEART!!
Goopy kicks Winky in the gut, MYSTERY GOOPY DRIVER! COVER! 1, 2, KICKOUT!!! WINKY KICKS OUT!!!
Shallow - WINKY IS SUPERHUMAN!
Winky has a bottle of BUD ICE.. HE CRACKS IT OVER GOOPY'S HEAD!!! HE COVERS!
1.................. 2.................. GOOPY JUST KICKED OUT!!
GP - UNBELIEVABLE!!
THE TACO BELL DOG IS BACK! WINKY AND GOOPY DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE HIM DOWN! WINKY AND GOOPY WORK TOGETHER! WINKY AND GOOPY NOW ARE GOING TO SETTLE THIS! THEY BOTH HIT THE ROPES, DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! EACH ANIMAL HAS AN ARM DRAPED OVER THE OTHER!
1, 2, 3!!
Eliminated - Winky Eliminated - Goopy
Ring Announcer - The winner of this bout.. NOONE! IT IS A DRAW!
Goopy and Winky both get up.
Winky - GAWK GAWK GAWK GAWK!
(Translation: Say, you are pretty good. Let's go back to my dressing room and share a Bud Ice!)
Goopy - OOGA BOOGA BOOGA OOGA!
(Translation: OOGA BOOGA BOOGA OOGA!)
Winky and Goopy walk off together!
GP - We'll be back after this promo!
(Promo for the No Name Nessecary/Disfunctional Family match.)
GP: Well fans, next up we've got Team Extreme going up against the Midcard Monster! Should be a classic bout!
JT: Classic? HA! Don't make me laugh! We've got one team headed by Cappy, and the other team is head by Virtual Violater! What do those two have to do with ANYTHING!?!
GP: Well......nothing at the moment, but after this, I think the members of both teams, will shine after this one!
Shallow: I need to take notes for this one. I may need to use one of these people in my next Shallow Thoughts. I mean, you've got midcarders and.....midcarders!
GP: Indeed. This is going to be a midcard battle! Well, as we all know, these matches are under Suvivor Series AND War Games rules. We've got the ring surrounded by the cage, so let's go to the ring!
Ring Announcer: OUR NEXT CONTEST IS THE MATCH THAT WILL OUT THE MIDCARD MONSTERS AGAINST TEAM EXTREME!
(The fans pop.)
Ring Announcer: FIRST! COMING TO THE RING......TEAM EXTREME!
("Hate Me Now" by Nas starts as Apollo walks out to heat from teh crowd.)
Ring Announcer: COMING TO THE RING AT THIS TIME, REPRESENTING TEAM EXTREME! HE STANDS 6 FOOT 9 AND WEIGHS A 283 POUNDS! HE IS THE MASTER OF THE RAY OF LIGHT AND IS A MEMBER OF THE BILLION DOLLAR PROMOTION! HE......IS......APOLLO!
GP: You've got to like Apollo's chances coming into this thing. He's got youth behind him, and skills to back it all up. I like his chances in this thing.
JT: Same here, but for a different reason. HE'S A MEMBER OF THE BILLION DOLLAR PROMOTION! THEY ARE ALL RICH AND THEY ALL RULE! HOW CAN HE NOT SUCCEED!?!
Shallow: You mean how can they fail? I HATE the Promotion! They are constantly bugging me with their faxes on my show! I HATE IT!
JT: You're just mad because they're rich and have titles and you don't!
Shallow: HEY! I DO have a title! I'm "The Grinch Award Winning" Johnny Shallow!
JT: Hey, the BHB have won the Grinch Award too! Thus meaning, the BDP has that award too!
Shallow:.......I can't come up with a witty comeback yet, but I will in a second, and beleive you me, it will be a classic!
("Unforgiven" by Creed starts as Rodney Phoenix makes his way to the ring with a mixed reaction from the fans.)
Ring Announcer: NEXT! COMING TO THE RING REPRESENTING TEAM EXTREME! HE STANDS 6 FOOT 3 AND WEIGHS A 255 POUNDS! HE IS THE MASTER OF BRING THE WORLD DOWN! HE......IS....RODNEY......PHOENIX!
GP: Tonight also marks a return for Rodney Phoenix. You've got to feel that he is rested and ready to survive in this thing.
JT: Well, I feel that Phoenix really has little to no chance tonight. He's going up against a young team in the Midcard Monsters, and styles that he has never gone against before in his long career. Ring rust is going to hurt his chances tonight.
Shallow: Well, I haven't seen much of Phoenix in my short time here in the IWO. What I have seen is pretty impressive. I'm going to have to side against JT and say that Phoenix will advance in this one.
JT: You would Shallow!
Shallow: OH SHUT UP JT!
JT: YOU SHUT UP SHALLOW!
GP: BACK TO THE RING ANNOUNCER!
("Breathe" by Prodigy starts as Dark Angel makes his way to the ring with no crowd respose at all.)
Ring Announcer: NEXT! COMING TO THE RING! HE STANDS 6 FOOT 6 AND WEIGHS A 260 POUNDS! HE IS THE MASTER OF THE SWITCHBLADE! HE......IS.....DARK....ANGEL!
GP: The IWO has a wrestler named Dark Angel?
JT: Um.....I guess.
Shallow: Well, I think we are all in agreement that this guy is gone.
("Highway" by Lil' Troy starts as Da Bronx Bro makes his way to the ring with a mixed reaction from the fans.)
Ring Announcer: NEXT! COMING TO THE RING! HE STANDS 6 FOOT THREE AND WEIGHS A 273 POUNDS! HE IS THE MASTER OF THE BRONXPLEX! HE.....IS...DA.....BRONX.....BRO!
JT: Now, I've got to say that I've seen what this guy can do, and he has impressed me some. I can see him moving on in this.
GP: Well, I have to agree that DBB has impressed me, but I just don't see him moving on tonight. He'll be a star in the IWO, but he won't be in the main event tonight.
Shallow: Well, I'm undecided on this one. I've seen DBB do good in the IWO, but I've also seen him at points where he looked more like a member of the IML. Mostly the better part though. It could go either way. It just depends on how DBB is doing on this night.
("Sugar" by System of a Down as Capital Punishment makes his way to the ring. He gets a mixed reaction from the crowd.)
Ring Announer: FINALLY! COMING TO THE RING! HE STANDS 6 FOOT 8 AND WEIGHS A 321 POUNDS! HE IS THE MASTER OF THE DEATH PENALTY AND IS THE CAPTAIN OF TEAM EXTREME! HE.......IS.......CAPITAL......PUNISHMENT! TOGETHER, THEY ARE TEAM EXTREME!
GP: Well, this has to be one of the more random teams in the entire Pay-Per-View.
JT: Yeah. Especially Apollo. What always got me was the fact that there was no Team Billion Dollar Promotion.
Shallow: That got me too. You would think that that could make a truly awesome team. One for the main event.
JT: The funny thing is, even if Apollo advances, he won't be on the team with the other members of the BDP in the main event. I beat Jamie had something to do with that!
GP: That wouldn't shock me at all. You know he can't be happy about the BHB getting on Dane Wilt's team later tonight.
Ring Announcer: NEXT! COMING TO THE RING! THEY ARE......THE.....MIDCARD....MONSTERS!
("Back That Azz Up" by Juvenile starts as Tyler Johnson makes his way out to boos from the crowd.)
Ring Announcer: FIRST! COMING TO THE RING! HE STANDS 6 FOOT 4 AND WEIGHS A 239 POUNDS! HE IS THE MASTER OF HATERS GO TO HELL! HE......IS....TYLER......JOHNSON!
GP: You know, Tyler Johnson might be the most underrated person in this entire match. I mean, he has been on two fairly succesful tag teams, and yet, no one thinks anything of him. What is up with that?
JT: Well, I think it is basic logic. His gimick is a street guy. Where have we seen that before? EVERYWHERE! We've had at least TWENTY guys with that same gimmick in the IWO already. We have at least FIVE with it right now! If he truly wants to excel, he's going to need a new way of packaging himself.
Shallow: I'm going to have to agree. The street guy has been done before. What about something new? Let's see a stand up comedian! Or how about a guy who is obsessed with a chain? THAT is quality wrestling right there!
("Ruff Ryda" by Joe Mamma starts as Ruff Ryda makes his way to the ring, with "You suck" boos being heard.)
Ring Announcer: COMING TO THE RING! HE STANDS......A CERTAIN HEIGHT AND WEIGHS A......CERTAIN WEIGHT! HE IS THE MASTER OF........NOTHING! HE.....IS....RUFF.....RYDA!
GP: Well, here comes ANOTHER guy with a street gimmick.
JT: Yeah. This is truly sad. We need to like have a new rule that says we can't take in any new members that have a street gimmick.
Shallow: I'm all for that!
(The British National Anthem cutting into "Fire, Water, Burn (The Roof Is On Fire)" by Bloodhound Gang starts as the Foreign Legion makes their way to the ring with the boos of the fans.)
Ring Announcer: COMING TO THE RING! WEIGHING A TOTAL COMBINED WEIGHT OF 502 POUNDS! THEY ARE THE MASTERS OF THE DECLARATION OF WAR! THEY.....ARE......THE.....FOREIGN......LEGION!
GP: Now, you know the Legion has the advantage going into this one.
Shallow: Absolutely. They are used to tag teaming, and especially double teaming. Those skills should serve them well in this one.
JT: Their biggest threat is if they are split up. Even though they are good at tag teaming, we haven't seen them as singles wrestlers as of yet. I've got to wonder if they can survive alone in this thing.
GP: That's actually a good point JT.
("What's My Age Again" by Blink 182 starts as Virtual Violater makes his way to the ring. He gets a lot of heat as he enters the ring.)
Ring Announcer: NEXT! COMING TO THE RING! HE STANDS 6 FOOT 5 AND WEIGHS AS 200 POUNDS! HE IS THE MASTER OF AVENGED! HE IS THE CAPTAIN OF THE MIDCARD MONSTERS! HE........IS.....VIRTUAL.....VIOLATER! TOGETHER! THEY ARE.......THE MIDCARD.....MONSTERS!
GP: I think the Midcard Monsters biggest problem tonight is leadership. How did Virtual Violater get to captain this team?
JT: Beats me. Some idiot must has messed up the booking or something.
GP: Well, now we have the coin toss. The Midcard Monsters call tails......tails it is! That means the Midcard Monsters get the advantage going into this thing! Now, two men will start out in the cage. After the first three minutes, another member of the Midcard Monsters will enter the ring. That will be two one for ANOTHER three minutes. Then, another member of Team Extreme will enter the ring, and so on until all other members of both teams are in the ring. A person can be eliminated by pinfall or submition, BUT, elimination can only occur when all members of both teams are in the ring.
Shallow: Should make for a good match.
JT: Well, it looks like Brother Al and Rodney Phoenix are going to start this out for their teams!
GP: Both men tie up in the center of the ring......Brother Al starts this with his style with a head lock.
Shallow: You're sure to see a slower paced match with Brother Al in the ring.
JT: Well, that will really hurt him in this thing. You want to take out an opponent before any of his partners get in the ring. These holds are used more to tire people down. NOT to get them out of a match.
GP: Phoenix lifts Al up.....back body drop!
JT: Phoenix now grabs both of Al's legs.......head butt to the chest!
Shallow: That looked pretty low to me.
JT: Does it matter?
Shallow: Yes, it does. One is MUCH more devistating than the other.
GP: Phoenix grabs Al again. HE SLINGSHOTS HIM INTO THE CAGE!
Shallow: NICE MOVE!
JT: Al stumbles back dazed......reverse DDT by Phoenix!
GP: Phoenix now pulls Al to the turnbuckle....HE TIES HIM UP IN THE TREE OF WOE!
JT: THIS CAN'T BE GOOD!
Shallow: Phoenix runs to the other side of the ring.......he runs to Al...BASEBALL SLIDE RIGHT INTO AL'S FACE!
JT: THAT HAD TO BREAK AL'S NOSE!
GP: Phoenix grabs Al's leg....and DRIVES it into the mat!
Shallow: AND THAT'S THE THREE MINUTES!
GP: Crazy Canuck charges into the ring.....he nearly takes Phoenix's head off with that closeline!
JT: Canuck now unties his partners legs......both men are now putting the boots to Phoenix.
GP: They need to take advantage of this time alone with Phoenix. Phoenix has little chance of fending off BOTH these men, and this could hurt him later on.
Shallow: Canuck now lifts Phoenix up....Al runs into the ropes.....DUDLEY DEATH DROP!
GP: Canuck pulls up Phoenix again.......he places him on his shoulders!
JT: Al goes to the top rope........DOOMSDAY DEVICE ON PHOENIX!
GP: These men are really trying to take Phoenix out of this thing. Remember though, no one can be eliminated until everyone is in the ring!
JT: That can't be good news for Phoenix. He may be at the end of this attack for awhile then!
Shallow: Al now puts Phoenix in the figure four....I THINK I SEE WHAT'S COMING!
GP: Canuck goes to the top rope.....KNEE SMASH! THAT'S THE DECLARATION OF WAR! AND THAT MAY DO IT FOR PHOENIX'S LEG!
Shallow: Canuck now puts Phoenix's leg in the ropes....HE JUMPS RIGHT ON IT! PHOENIX IS IN PAIN!
GP: THERE'S ANOTHER THREE MINUTES!
JT: IN RUNS DA BRONX BRO!
Shallow: DBB hits both members of the Legion......DOUBLE DDT!
GP: DBB now tries to help Phoenix up. Phoenix staggers to his feet.
Shallow: Both men charge at the Legion who is now up.....DOUBLE CLOSELINE!
JT: This is what these guys have to do......they HAVE to keep these guys down!
GP: DBB and Phoenix grab Al and pull him up......they set him up......DOUBLE SUPLEX!
JT: Canuck now gets up and charges at both men!
Shallow: DBB and Phoenix move out of the way though! Canuck hits into the ropes and bounces back......DOUBLE SPEAR TO CANUCK!
JT: DBB now puts Canuck on the top turnbuckle......he goes up there with him......SUPERPLEX TO CANUCK!
GP: DBB now goes to the top turnbuckle......elbow to the heart of CANUCK!
Shallow: ANOTHER THREE MINUTES UP!
GP: And in comes Ruff Ryda!
JT: OOPS! HE TRIPS ON THE ROPES AS HE ENTERS THE RING! HE FALLS RIGHT ON HIS FACE!
GP: WHAT AN EMBARRISING TURN OF EVENTS!
Shallow: It appears that Ruff Ryda has knocked himself out in the process.....he's now lying in a pool of blood and is out cold!
JT: THAT'S JUST TOO BAD!
Shallow: We're now watching DBB and Phoenix continue to work on Canuck. This is really bad for the Midcard Monsters! Al is trying to revive Ruff Ryda, but to no avail!
GP: WAIT! Look at this! He's picking up Ryda and is using him as a weapon! He nails DBB from behind with the motionless body of Ruff Ryda! He DRIVES Ruff Ryda into Phoenix!
Shallow: Al sets up Ryda.....HE POWERBOMBS HIM ONTO DBB!
GP: Ruff Rdya is playing a bigger part than we thought he would tonight!
JT: Canuck now puts Ryda on his shoulders......Al goes to the top turnbuckle.....HE BULLDOGS RUFF RYDA ONTO PHOENIX!
GP: I would have to say, even though he isn't awake, Ruff Ryda is the MVP so far!
JT: Well, now that they are done with Ryda, the Legion just tossed him aside.
Shallow: ANOTHER THREE MINUTES GONE!
JT: And in comes Apollo!
GP: WAIT! Look at this! Cappy and Johnson are holding Apollo back!
JT: HA HA! BOTH TEAMS ON THE OUTSIDE ARE FIGHTING!
GP: THE REFS ARE TRYING TO BREAK THE FIGHT UP! AND DOWN GO THE REFS!
Shallow: ALL OF THE GUYS ARE GOING INTO THE CAGE! WE'VE LOST CONTROL! THEY HAVE TO WAIT TO GO IN!
GP: It doesn't look like that now! The refs are locking the cage, and people can start being eliminated!
Shallow: Apollo goes right after Tyler Johnson.......LOW BLOW TO START IT OFF!
GP: Apollo now sets him up.....PILEDRIVER!
JT: OH! AND Virtual Violater HITS APOLLO FROM BEHIND!
GP: Violater sets up Apollo......reverse suplex!
JT: LOOK THOUGH! APOLLO LANDED ON RUFF RYDA!
GP: And there goes the MVP!
Shallow: And here comes Dark Angel to help out Apollo! BOOT TO THE STOMACH BY CAPPY!
GP: Cappy grabs him.....DEATH PENALTY (Flatliner)!
JT: Tyler Johnson covers!
GP: WHY DID CAPPY DO THAT!?!
JT: I guess he didn't want Dark Angel on his team.
GP: The fans seem to like that Dark Angel is gone.....THEY ARE ALL APPLUADING!
Shallow: DBB is now going after Tyler Johnson........rights and lefts to Johnson!
GP: Look at this! Crazy Canuck goes to the side of the ring.......he pulls up a chair!
JT: He goes to DBB.
JT: THE CHAIR BENT AFTER HITTING DBB! DBB IS DOWN AND OUT!
Shallow: JOHNSON COVERS!
GP: Cappy is now going after Violater.....BUT HERE COMES CANUCK WITH THE CHAIR!
Shallow: CANUCK SWINGS......CAPPY MOVED AND CANUCK HIT VIOLATER!
JT: APOLLO DROP KICKS CANUCK FROM BEHIND! CANUCK IS DOWN!
Shallow: Cappy grabs Violater.....DEATH PENALTY! CAPPY COVERS!
Shallow: Cappy now picks up the chair that Canuck dropped......he's looking at the dazed Canuck!
GP: CAPPY BRINGS THE CHAIR DOWN!
JT: BUT CANUCK MOVES! THE CHAIR BOUNCES BACK AND HITS CAPPY IN THE HEAD!
Shallow: CAPPY IS DOWN AND CANUCK COVERS HIM!
GP: THAT CHAIR WILL GET YOU EVERY TIME!
JT: Canuck now charges at Apollo......APOLLO MOVES AND CANUCK SPEARS THE CAGE!
GP: Phoenix and Apollo now join hands.......DOUBLE CLOSELINE TO TYLER JOHNSON!
Shallow: Phoenix now sets up Johnson.......BRING THE WORLD DOWN (Outsiders Edge)!
GP: Phoenix covers!
GP: Apollo nows grabs Brother Al.....DDT!
JT: Apollo hands Brother Al to Phoenix.....Phoenix sets up for Break the World Down!
Shallow: AND CANUCK CLIPS PHOENIX'S ALREADY INJURED LEG! PHOENIX DROPS BROTHER AL WHO CLOSELINES APOLLO!
JT: Canuck now pulls Phoenix to the turnbuckle......BROTHER AL PUTS HIM IN THE FIGURE FOUR!
GP: Canuck goes to the top.....KNEESMASH! THAT'S THE DECLARATION OF WAR!
JT: CANCUCK COVERS PHOENIX!
GP: THAT JUST LEAVES APOLLO FOR TEAM EXTREME!
Shallow: Apollo is down though!
GP: Oh no! Brother Al pulls up Apollo....he holds Apollo while Canuck charges....SPEAR!
Shallow: APOLLO MOVES! APOLLO MOVES! CANUCK SPEARED BROTHER AL!
JT: CANUCK IS SHOCKED AT WHAT HE HAS DONE!
Shallow: APOLLO KICKS CANUCK IN THE RIBS!
GP: HE LIFTS HIM UP!
JT: RAY OF LIGHT (Gorilla Press into Spear)!
GP: Apollo covers!
JT: Brother Al hits Apollo with that chair!
Shallow: Al sets up....he gets Apollo in an abdominal stretch!
GP: That is pretty messed up.
JT: APOLLO JUST THROWS BROTHER AL OFF!
GP: APOLLO LIFTS AL UP! RAY OF LIGHT! APOLLO COVERS!
GP: APOLLO WINS!
JT: APOLLO SURVIVES! WHAT A MATCH!
Shallow: THAT MEANS APOLLO GOES TO THE MAIN EVENT! YET ANOTHER WIN FOR THE PROMTION! DAMN!
GP: Yes, but truly, a good show for Apollo. We'll see him later on tonight!
(promo for the Usual Suspects v. the Usual Suspects SUCK match)
GP: Alright fans it's time for the next match on our SPECTACULAR Conspiracy Theory 2000 card!
JT: Bugger this.. let's just get to the show.
GP: Okay okay
Ring Announcer: INTRODUCING FIRST... AT A COMBINED WEIGHT OF 1334 POUNDS... G-DOGG, KEN WAR, MAD MAX, JOHN McRAE AND CAPTAIN TONY DAVIS.... THEY ARE TEAM NADS!
["Degenerate" by Blink 182 hits and Team Nads walks out.]
RING ANNOUNCER: THEIR OPPONENTS... AT A TOTAL WEIGHT OF 919 POUNDS.... EVAN LEVINE, RANDAL McCLOUD, JORDAN HOWITT AND CAPTAIN JAX STONE.. THE EAST COAST CONNECTION!
["Living Dead Girl" by Rob Zombie hits and the four remaining ECC members come out.]
GP: This is going to be four on five folks, as you remember, Chrome Thunder left this team in favor of Titan and Larsons team. The bell just sounded and it looks like it's going to be G-Dogg against Randal McCloud to start this one.
Shallow: McCloud comes across the ring and pulls G-Dogg out of his corner, he's not in a patient mood! Randal starts firing right hands into the face of the Dogg One, who is staggering backwards trying to get his balance. Randal McCloud whips G-Dogg into the ropes and now, DROPKICK! The Phoenix is taking it to G-Dogg so far! McCloud off the ropes, ELBOW DROP!
JT: BAH! McCloud now pulls G-Dogg to his feet and tosses him into the corner, clothesline! G-Dogg is staggering towards his corner, to make a tag, but Randal takes his leg out from beneath him with a cut block! CHEAP! CHEAP MOVE!
GP: McCloud pulls G-Dogg back in and starts pummeling him! Now G-Dogg pushes Randal off of him and starts towards his corner again.. TAG MADE! In comes Mad Max to take over with McCloud! OOOH! Max gets taken down as well, The Phoenix is on fire!
Shallow: Now Max is up and he ducks the clothesline from Randal and kicks him in the stomach.. DDT! McCloud's momentum is finaly slowing and Max is not letting up! Mad Max is laying stomps in across the chest of Randal McCloud and liking it! Now Max leaves the ring.. he's going to get a chair!
JT: Gheh! HELL YES! Max is back in the ring and he has a chair.. McCloud is woozily getting to his feet.. WHAM! Down he goes, what a chair shot!
GP: Randal struggling back up, ANOTHER SHOT TO THE HEAD! That one almost broke the chair! Randal bounces into the ropes and Max follows him, SMASH! That shot sent McCloud hurtling over the top rope to the concrete floor! Max follows Randal outside and starts slamming that chair into the Phoenix's ribs.. WAIT!
JT: Here comes Jordan Howitt, McCloud's partner! He comes off the apron, DROP KICK!!! Max drops the chair and staggers forwards and The Superstar comes after him, hammering away on Mad Max's back. Howitt slides Max into the ring and helps a bloody Randal McCloud to his feet. HAHA! Blood!
GP: Randal slides into the ring and immediatley tags in Evan Levine! Levine comes charging towards Max.. oh no! Back body drop! Max hits a leaping leg drop on Evan and then chokes him with his boot! Mad Max is just being vindictive towards Evan Levine here!
JT: COME ON EVAN, DON'T STAND FOR THIS! YES! Levine pushes Max's foot off of him and gets to his feet.. Mad Max with a right hand.. BLOCKED! Another right, BLOCKED! Levine now starts responding with rights to the face of Mad Max..and now Levine goes up, HEAD SCISSORS TAKEDOWN! Agile move for a big man. Levine is in control now and he sets Mad Max up in the corner.. OH MY GOD! SUPERPLEX!
GP: LEVINE SUPERPLEXES MAD MAX! Now we've got our first cover of the match! 1...2...KICKOUT!
JT: SEE! I told you Levine could do it!
Shallow: Levine gets to his feet and starts stomping Mad Max's chest! Now Evan rolls Max over and applies a Boston Crab.. here comes Tony Davis, he kicks Levine in the face! Randal McCloud is in too, but the ref stops him and Davis starts beating the hell out of Levine while the referee is distracted. Davis with a kick to the face, and then a TEST NECKBREAKER on Levine! Now the Team Nads Captain is back in his corner and both men in the ring are laid out. The ref begins the ten count. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8... Levine is up! He's staggering towards his corner and so is Mad Max.. TAG! Jax Stone brought in by Evan Levine.. TAG! John McRae brought in by Mad Max!
GP: Now we've got two members of Kilroy, facing off! They look up uneasily and McRae sends stone into the corner, and starts hammering on him with his knee, now a clean break! Stone grabs McRae and tosses him into the corner, body shots! Now a clean break! Jax Stone is walking over to his corner, he's not going to fight his stablemate.. WAIT! Here comes McRae with a rollup! 1...2...kickout!
JT: Look at Stones face! He's pissed! He comes at McRae and they start exchaning right hands, McRae gets the upper hand tho.. Jax Stone is staggering back towards the ropes and John McRae just clotheslined him over! McRae hits both ropes, good running start.. TUMBLING FLIP THROUGH THE ROPES RIGHT ONTO JAX STONE!
GP: WHAT A MOVE!
Shallow: HOLY SH*T!
GP: John McRae outside with Stone now, he picks him up and slams his face into the steel stairs!! McRae isn't allowing allegiances to keep him out of tonights main event that's for sure!! Now McRae kicks Stone in the stomach, Jax doubles over... McRae backing up... BULLDOG ONTO THE RING STEPS!! Stone is cut open!
JT: BLOOD!! WOO HOO!
Shallow: That makes two members of the ECC that are bloody messes here folks! Jax Stone is being rolled into the ring and John McRae follows him. McRae kicks Stone to his corner and tags in Ken War. War goes up top, GUILLOTINE LEG DROP! Now we have a cover! 1...2...kick out! War scoop slams Stone and then chokes him along the ropes.
JT: Stone is bleeding all over the place and now Ken War uses an EYE RAKE! War is a cheap fighter, GOTTA LOVE IT! War kicks Stone in the stomach and hits him with a DDT! Stone is out I think and War makes a cover. 1.....2......thrno! SO CLOSE, SO CLOSE!
GP: War dominates Stone in the corner now and now is going up for a ten punch. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! War tosses stone to the mat, second rope legdrop! ANOTHER COVER! 1.....2....threkickout! Jax NEEDS to make a tag here fans! I mean, HE REALLY NEEDS IT.
Shallow: Stone is fighting to get to his feet, he desperatley wants to tag out. War clobbers Stone across the back of the head with a steel chair! DAMN! There goes Jax's chances to make it to the corner! Now Ken War makes a cover for the eighty eighth time! 1....2....kickout! Ken War just can't figure out a way to keep Jax Stone down! Now Stone with a leg sweep! War is taken off his feet and Stone makes the tag to Jordan Howitt! The fans roar their approval as Howitt comes in, and he is on fire! Right hands to the face of Ken War!
JT: Howitt sends War into the ropes, MOUNTAIN BOMB! Now Jordan Howitt it putting War in some kind of submission move... The HOWITTZER! That's his hold!
GP: War is fighting the pain but I sense a tap-out any moment now! Can War reach the ropes....? YES! He does it and Jordan Howitt reliquishes his hold.
Shallow: Howitt pulls War up, BODY SLAM! Now Jordan Howitt springs off the ropes, MOONSAULT! 1...2..kickout with AUTHORITY by War!
GP: Jordan Howitt kicks War in the face as he sits up and now Howitt is on top of Ken War, just hammering away at his face with both hands! Ken War's nose is busted open and Howitt keeps on driving shots to the face of Ken War, this is awful! Here comes Tony Davis in to stop the madness! The ref pushes Davis to his corner but Howitt gets up and.. CLOTHESLINE!
Shallow: Davis is down and War is up behind Jordan Howitt... War with a dropkick to the back of The Superstar's head sends Howitt staggering into the ropes and War makes the tag to G-Dogg, who shoves Ken War down as he comes in! G-Dogg is up top, MISSILE DROPKICK TO JORDAN HOWITT! G-Dogg is up now and so is Howitt but G-Dogg ducks the clothesline attempt from The Superstar... and now scoops him up, SHOULDERBREAKER! G-Dogg is whoping ass so far!
JT: G-Dogg tosses Howitt into the ropes, SWINGING NECKBREAKER! Now G-Dogg scrambles on top of Howitt to make the cover! 1...2...tkickout! Howitt still has some left in the tank!
GP: G-Dogg picks Jordan Howitt up on his shoulders... SAMOAN NECKBREAKER! HOLY CHRIST THAT HAD TO HURT! G-Dogg is just plain mean! He picks Howitt up and now he's choking him on the ropes! Jordan Howitt is in trouble now and G-Dogg isn't letting up with that rope choke.. HERE COMES RANDAL McCLOUD! He pushes G-Dogg over the top rop and now MOONSAULTS FROM THE TOP ROPE RIGHT ONTO G-DOGG!
Shallow: HOLY SHIT! McCloud isn't the legal man but he sure helped his partner out there! Howitt staggers over to his corner and brings in Jax Stone. G-Dogg is still hurting on the outside and Stone goes out there to get him.. Stone slams G-Doggs face into the ringpost a few times before tossing him into the ring though.
JT: Stone kicks G-Dogg in the ribs and bounces off the ropes... KNEESMASH! G-Dogg is hurting here but somehow he is managing to get to his feet.. Stone and G-Dogg are exchanging right hands and G-Dogg has gained the advantage.. he kicks Stone in the stomach, DOGG DROP DDT! Both men are down now and the ref begins the count! 1...2...3....4....5....6...G-Dogg is up and he staggers to his corner and tags in... TONY DAVIS!
GP: LISTEN TO THE CROWD ROAR AS FORMER CHAMP DAVIS COMES IN! Davis pulls Stone up, right hand sends him back down again! Now Tony Davis goes to the ECC corner, a shot to each of them! Davis is on fire! He turns around kicks at Stone.. Stone grabs Davis by the foot, ENZURGI! Now Davis has Stone.... VENGEANCE! VENGEANCE TO JAX STONE! THE COVER!
GP: .....3!!! DAVIS ELIMINATES STONE! THE CROWD IS ON IT'S FEET AND HERE COMES EVAN LEVINE! Davis and Levine are firing right hands at eachother, now Levine uses an eyepoke! Davis staggers backwards and Levine cutblocks him! Levine starts stomping on Davis' shin, what a cheap son of a bitch!
JT: Shut up GP! Evan is a fair fighter! He pulls Davis up and kicks him right in the...
Shallow: NADS! Davis goes down and Levine now with a kick to the face! A cover! 1..kick out! Davis still has a lot left and he gets to his feet, rising clothesline to Levine! Davis bounces off the ropes but Levine hits a counter kick and now tags in Jordan Howitt! Howitt comes across and he starts hammering away at Davis! Tony Davis kicks Jordan in the stomach and he tags in Ken War! War starts after Howitt but The Superstar meets him halfway and.. SAMOAN DROP!
GP: Nice move by Howitt, who now goes up top.. War is up, and Howitt comes off the top with a FLYING WHEEL KICK! KEN WAR GOES CRASHING TO THE MAT AND JORDAN HOWITT MAKES THE PIN! 1....2....kickout! Ken War isn't going to go down so easily and he stands now, taking Howitt to the mat with a headlock takedown! War goes back to his corner and brings Davis back in.. Davis comes across and press slams Howitt! Jordan Howitt needs to tag, he's taking a BEATING!
JT: Davis starts pounding on Howitt's back and sends him into the ropes, body avalanche by Davis! Tony Davis stomps on the knee of The Superstar and then tosses him into the corner and begins to work him over with body shots! OucH!
Shallow: Davis puts Howitt up top, he's going for a SUPERPLEX. NO WAIT! HOWITT PUSHES DAVIS OFF! DAVIS GOES CRASHING DOWN TO THE MAT AND JORDAN HOWITT COMES OFF THE TOP WITH A HARLEM HANGOVER!
GP: HOLY SMOKES! Howitt staggers up and leans on the ropes to catch his breath.. Davis stands and charges at Howitt but Jordan ducks and forces Davis over the ropes and to the outside... now Howitt comes off the opposite rope, BASEBALL SLIDE! Howitt springs off the top rope, CROSSBODY TO DAVIS! WOW!
JT: Jordan Howitt gets up on the apron now, and MOONSAULTS OFF ONTO A STANDING TONY DAVIS! NOW HOWITT SCOOPS DAVIS UP AND SLAMS HIM FACE FIRST INTO THE STEEL STEPS, TWICE! DAVIS IS BUSTED OPEN! JORDAN HOWITT LIFTS THE STEPS UP... NO! DAVIS KICKS THE STEPS INTO HOWITTS FACE! Now both men roll into the ring, and Howitt is up first! He grabs Davis by the head and starts slamming his bloody face into the turnbuckle, now he spins him around and hits a reverse DDT! Jordan Howitt is going up top!
GP: FROG SPLASH! 1....
JT:3!! HOWITT HAS DONE IT! HE'S ELIMINATED TONY DAVIS! HERE COMES JOHN MCRAE! McRae takes Howitt down with a double leg takedown and then applies a leglock! Howitt is howling in pain, and Randal McCloud dives in to make the save as Jordan Howitt rolls out of the ring! McCloud and McRae start exchanging shots! Dropkick by The Phoenix, GREAT EXECUTION! I gotta say.
Shallow: Randal sends McRae into the ropes and takes him out with a jumping back kick! McCloud bounces off the ropes now, LEGDROP! The cover! 1...2....kickout! McRae fights his way back to his feet but McCloud won't let up, The Phoenix hits a wheel kick that sends McRae sprawling towards his own corner! TAG MADE TO MAD MAX!
GP: MAX COMES CHARGING IT! HE TAKES McCLOUD'S HEAD OFF WITH A POWERFUL CLOTHESLINE! Max stomps away on the head of Randal McCloud, then hauls him up and hits a neckbreaker! The momentum in this match is like a pendelum!
JT: McCloud kicks Max in the gut now, but Max doesn't seem to notice and he knocks Randal to the ground witha right hand! Come on McCloud, DO SOMETHING!
Shallow: Randal stands again and this time he ducks under Max's arm! McCloud spins around and pushes Max into the ropes, sending him tumbling to the outside! Now Randal tags in Levine, who goes up top.... BODY SPLASH TO THE OUTSIDE!!!
GP: HOLY MOLEY! LEVINE IS EARNING SOME RESPECT HERE! HE GRABS MAX AND HITS HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH A BUCKET! MAD MAX JUST LAUGHS! ANOTHER SHOT! This time Max staggers backwards and Levine tosses him into the ring and goes upstairs again... AXHANDLE SMASH!
JT: LEVINE RULES!
Shallow: Levine drops an elbow to the sternum of Max then turns to gloat.. Mad Max fights his way to the corner and tags in John McRae! McRae comes out of his corner just as Levine turns around.. OH MY GOD! HEART PIERCING STAKE!! THE COVER! 1....
JT: 3!! NO! EVAN IS ELIMINATED! HERE COMES McCLOUD!
GP: WAIT! THE REFEREE IS POINTING TO LEVINE'S LEG! It was on the ropes! Levine is still in the match! McRae turns around and.. HEART PIERCING STAKE TO McCLOUD! NOW THE COVER AGAIN ON LEVINE! 1....2....kickout! Vampyre can't believe it!
Shallow: Levine staggers up and McRae hits him in the stomach, DDT! DDT! Levine is out and we have another cover! 1....2...kickout! WOW! Levine has some fight in him! He stands up slowly, and ducks under a big swing from McRae! Vampyre tries again, blocked! Levine with a right hand now! Vamp is staggering and Evan hits a spinning heel kick! Now he tags in McCloud!
JT: Randal is up top! HERE IT COMES, THE 9021ELB0!! THAT'S HIS MOVE! WE'VE GOT A COVER! 1......2.......3!!!!! McRAE IS OUT! IT'S THREE ON THREE!
GP: I DON'T BELIEVE IT BUT THE PREP KIDS AND EVAN LEVINE HAVE EVENED THE SCORE! MAD MAX IS BACK IN NOW! McCloud is ready for him and they start having at it! Now Max tosses McCloud to the ground aggressivly and then leaps on top of him, punching him in the head!
Shallow: McCloud tries desperatly to fight Max off but Mad Max won't relinquish this offensive burst! He continues to pound the living hell out of McCloud until Randal's struggling stops! Here comes Jordan Howitt to lend his partner a hand, boy are these two good at their team work! Howitt executes a perfect springboard dropkick which sends Max sprawling across the ring!
GP: Randal now desperatley tags in Howitt who still has a fair amount of momentum! He tosses Max into the ropes and hits a tornado backbreaker! Now a cover by Jordan Howitt! 1....2...kick out by Max! Max stands up and kicks Howitt in the stomach, no wait, Howitt has Max's leg and he hits a low blow! Jordan Howitt is in control here fans!
JT: Howitt stomps Max again and now he is going upstairs... DRAGON ATTACK OFF THE TOP ROPE! MY GOD! ANOTHER COVER, MAX IS GOING TO END UP ELIMINATED HERE! 1....2....kick out! MAX KICKED OUT! He stands now and hammer blows Howitt across the face and upper neck, then runs to the corner to tag in G-Dogg! G-Dogg hasn't been in this match since the opening exchange and he's daisy fresh! G-Dogg hits Howitt below the knees with a spear tackle, then applies a Buffalo Sleeper! Howitt almost instantly begins to fight free though!
Shallow: Now G-Dogg has Howitt up and he hits a belly-to-back suplex! OH! G-Dogg yanks Howitt up, PULLING PILEDRIVER! Nice move by G-Dogg! G-Dogg heads back to the corner and tags in Mad Max, now they're both in the ring.. TANDEM POWERBOMB to Howitt!
GP: Great teamwork by the remaining Team Nads members! Mad Max tosses Howitt into the corner.. OH MY GOD! TURNBUCKLE POWERBOMB! DID YOU SEE THE WAY JORDAN HOWITT'S HEAD BOUNCED OFF THAT POST??? MY GOD! THE COVER! 1....2.....kick out! KICK OUT BY HOWITT! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
JT: Mad Max can't either! He picks Howitt up, SPINNING POWERBOMB! 1.....2.....kick out! Jordan Howitt is doing his very best here fans but will it be enough? Mad Max has him right where he wants him... Howitt is up... MANIA! MANIA BY MAD MAX! I THINK WE'VE SEEN THE LAST OF JORDAN HOWITT IN THIS MATCH TONIGHT FANS! 1....
GP: 3...!! JORDAN HOWITT IS DONE! ONE HALF OF THE TAG CHAMPS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED, HERE COMES McCLOUD! Randal looks furious and he shoots of the top rope, FLYING LARIAT! NICE MOVE! Max's momentum is slowed and McCloud is getting some payback for earlier! WHAT THE HELL? HERE COMES KEN WAR WITH A CHAIR! HE JUST SMASHED McCLOUD OVER THE HEAD WITH IT! Mad Max makes the pin! 1....2....
Shallow: RANDAL McCLOUD KICKS OUT! AMAZING! McCloud is getting to his feet and he grabs the chair! Here comes Max! WAP! McCloud just dented that chair on Maxes forehead! Now Randal puts the chair on the mat and kicks Max in the stomach.. PEDIGREE! PEDIGREE ONTO THE CHAIR BY RANDAL McCLOUD!! MAD MAX IS IN SERIOUS TROUBLE AS RANDAL McCLOUD GETS HIM UP ON HIS SHOULDERS.... PREP DROP! PREP DROP ONTO THE CHARI!!! THE COVER! 1.....
GP:3!!! McCLOUD ELIMINATES MAX MERE SECONDS... AFTER MAX ELIMINATED HOWITT! HERE COMES WAR! McCloud is STILL fired up and he takes War over with an armdrag! Now McCloud pulls Ken War up and starts slamming his knee into the kidneys of the Pacific Champion. War is in trouble here already fans as McCloud tosses him to the ground.. Levine has just appeared on the apron and he throws an iron rod to McCloud! War is up.. OH MAN! He takes that rod right in the face!
Shallow: War just spit out a tooth! McCloud slams that rod down on the back of Ken War's neck now! DID YOU HEAR THAT CRUNCH? War's neck is taking a beating! McCloud hauls him to his feet and shoves the rod into the stomach of Ken War, and War goes down on all fours now gasping for air. Randal McCloud is going outside now and he retrieves a golf club.. FORE! RIGHT IN THE RIBS OF WAR! THIS IS HORRIBLE!
JT: Randal McCloud is KILLING Ken War! Heh.. oh well! War pulls himself up halfway, OH! McCloud kicks him in the back. DAMMMNN.
GP: Randal McCloud is not letting up now, he bounces off the ropes and smashes his knee right into the small of War's back! McCloud is giving Ken War's kidneys and lungs a real working here! McCloud picks War up and hits a gutbuster! HOLY SHIT! Now he covers War! 1....
Shallow: 2.....KICK OUT!
JT: WAR KICKED OUT?!?! WAR IS STANDING?! HE HITS MCCLOUD IN THE FACE! HE GRABS THE IRON POLE AND SLAMS RANDAL MCCLOUD IN THE KIDNEY WITH IT THEN DIVES TO HIS CORNER TO TAG IN G-DOGG... G-DOGG STEPS BACK! HE DISSES KEN WAR! WAR IS LEFT ALONE IN THERE WITH RANDAL McCLOUD AND AN IRON ROD! WAR SPITS AT G-DOGG BUT HERE COMES McCLOUD! HE SLAMS THAT ROD INTO THE BACK OF WAR'S HEAD AND NOW ROLLS HIM OVER! THE COVER! 1....2......3!!!!
GP: WAR IS ELIMINATED! IT'S TWO ON ONE FOR THE EAST COAST CONNECTION! G-Dogg is in the ring and he's got a hammer with him! He smashes McCloud in the forehead with that hammer! Randal drops his rod and falls to his knees and G-Dogg kicks him in the face! Now G-Dogg hauls McCloud up and hits a firemans carry.. FLAPJACK! WHAM! McCloud's bloody face bounces off the mat and sprays blood everywhere! G-Dogg ruthlessly stomps the back of McClouds head!
Shallow: McCloud is getting to his feet, and that look in his eyes is back! He shrugs off a shot from G-Dogg and retaliates with a forearm shot! G-Dogg fires a kick to the gut, McCloud doesn't feel it! DDT by McCloud! Now he goes outside and pulls a table into the ring and starts setting it up, kicking a stunned G-Dogg in the face.. the table is upright and McCloud sends G-Dogg into the corner.. what the hell is he going to do? Randal hits a high kick on G-Dogg ... G-Dogg comes out of the corner! He tosses McCloud in now! G-Dogg is fighting back! He puts McCloud up top... MY GOD! HOLY SHIT!
JT: G-DOGG HITS A DOGGINATOR FROM THE TOP ROPE.. RIGHT THROUGH THE F*CKING TABLE! THAT'S GOTTA BE ALL FOR McCLOUD! G-DOGG GETS AN ARM ACROSS THE CHEST OF MCCLOUD....1.........2 .........3!!!! G-DOGG HAS ELIMINATED RANDAL McCLOUD! IT'S ONE ON ONE! HERE COMES LEVINE! HE'S GOT A GARBAGE CAN AND HE SMASHES IT OVER G-DOGG'S HEAD! NOW LEVINE HAS G-DOGG... NIGHTS WING! NIGHTS WING! IT'S GOING TO BE OVER RIGHT HERE! 1.....
GP: 3!!! THE NEW GAME EVAN LEVINE IS THE LAST MAN STANDING! THE OUTNUMBERED EAST COAST CONNECTION HAS WON THE MATCH AND LEVINE ADVANCES TO THE MAIN EVENT! HERE COMES THE REST OF ECC TO CONGRATULATE LEVINE!
(promo featuring Apollo and Levine)
Shallow: Right now, it's Apollo v. Evan Levine one on one in the last match of the evening.
JT: That sucks.
GP: Yes it does.
Shallow: Oh well. Next match.
GP: We've had some great action so far tonight folks!
JT: What are you talking about? This Pay-Per-View SUCKS! None of these matches have any point. I'm bored.
GP: No it doesn't, we can see some very interesting matches.
JT: Bullshit. None of these matches are any good.
Shallow: Yeah, but at least we get to see some of the guys that can actually entertain.
JT: Like who?
Shallow: I dunno.
GP: What are you kidding me? This is the IWO, everyone under contract is a superb athlete and an amazing superstar.
JT: Are you on crack Parker? Name one good IWO wrestler.
GP: One? I can name tons! There's High Flyer, Dan Hopkins, The Beverly Hills Bruisers, Al Coholic, Psycho Jay, Seth Weiland, Jake Mansfield, Rob Kestler and even Chris Davidson!
Shallow: Where the hell did you get them names from?
GP: Umm.....they're all just good guys.
JT: Wait a second, gimme that lineup Parker!
GP: So, but since they're in the IWO then they'll all excellent athletes.
JT: Oh yeah right. There's not even any champions in it.
GP: Actually, this match has more champions than any other match. It has Dan Hopkins, the US champion, The Bruisers, the IC tag champs, Al Coholic, the Extreme Champion, and Psycho Jay, the North American champ.
Shallow: Uhhhh, shut up.
JT: Well maybe this one won't be that bad, Psycho Jay is cool.
Shallow: Yeah, but look at the losers that follow him around. The Wrecking Crew? They're justy holding him back.
GP: They were promising superstars coming into the IWO, but they sure haven't done much since.
JT: The only one that has some promise is Kestler. You know I've visited his Porn N' Go shop, that's a really good business he's got going there. You've gotta see the selection of big boob films! I think I saw one featuring Nikki too!
(Just then Nikki comes out from the back and...)
JT: Damnit! It never fails.
GP: Don't forget that there's also some real heat between Psycho Jay and the Bruisers, they kidnapped Psycho Jay's close friend Vincent on Hostile Takeover and put a v-chip in his brain so he can't use his favorite words without getting zapped.
Shallow: You know, I'll miss Vincent's profane rants.
JT: Ok, but besides that, what else is there in this match?
GP: High Flyer has beef with Psycho Jay. They had a minor altercation on HT where High Flyer ended up hitting Jay with a Jumping Tornado DDT. Aparently High Flyer was angry at Jay because he refused to purchase some snow from him.
GP: That's right.
GP: And you know seeing Al Coholic in action is always a treat.
JT: Ok fine, the match will be pretty good. Just let's get the damn thing started.
Shallow: Damn straight! Let's get things rolling.
Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen the following contest is of course a special WAR GAMES SURVIVOR SERIES MATCH! It'll be the usual Suspects taking on the Usual Suspects SUCK!!!!!
JT: Now that's a creative name!
Ring Announcer: Before the coin toss, let's introduce the members of the teams. First, the Usual Suspects!!!!
(The crowd doesn't know who they are since they haven't heard from them in a while.)
Ring Announcer: Standing at 6'1" and weighing in at 236 pounds, CHRIS DAVIDSON!!!!!!! Standing at 6'6", weighing 277 pounds, SETH WEILAND!! Standing at a monsterous 7'2" and a 3rd inches, and weighing in at 358 pounds.....JAKE MANSFIELD!!!! Standing at 6'6", weighing 313 pounds, the owner of the Psychic Porn N' Go, ROB KESTLER!!!!!!
(Mini-pop from the crowd.)
Ring Announcer: And the team captain, he is the IWO NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPION!!! Standing at 6'8" and weighing in at 323 pounds, here is........PSYCHO JAY!!!!!!!!!
(The crowd pops slightly louder than with Kestler, but most of the noise are boos. All of the Usual Suspects step out onto the ramp and raise their hands in the air. The announcer continues.)
Ring Announcer: And their opponents, THE USUAL SUSPECTS......SUCK!
(The crowd stirs a bit as the Usual Suspects on the ramp talk amongst themselves.)
Ring Announcer: Introducing first, standing at 6'7" and weighing 269 pounds, the IWO EXTREME CHAMPION.......AL COHOLIC!!!!!!! Standing at 6'3", 256 pounds, the IWO UNITED STATES CHAMPION........DAN "THE GOOD BOY" HOPKINS!!!!! Next, standing at 6 feet even and weighing in at 204 pounds, here is.........HIGH FLYER!!!!!!!! And finally, at a combined weight of 464 pounds, they are the IWO's INTERCONTINETAL TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS..........THE BEVERLY HILLS BRUISERS!!!!!!!
(Al Coholic steps onto the ramp alone. The rest of the Usual Suspects go back behind the curtain as the referee prepares to toss the coin.)
Referee: Psycho Jay, you hold a higher title than Al Coholic, you call it in the air!
Psycho Jay: No, let the drunk guy call it.
(The ref flips the coin....)
Al Coholic: TAILS!
Referee: TAILS IT IS!
Psycho Jay: DAMNIT! I WAS GONNA CALL THAT! SHIT!
Referee: Who will start it for your teams?
Psycho Jay: I'll start, I'm already out here.
Al Coholic: I'm gonna start so I can kick his ass just like I did in the coin toss!
GP: Well it's gonna be Psycho Jay and Al Coholic to start off!
Shallow: They're heading down to the ring.
JT: DAMN! Coholic doesn't wanna wait! He just snuck Jay with a forearm to the side of the head!
GP: They're going shot for shot on the ramp! Al Coholic grabs Jay by the head. He slams it into the guardrail! A fan spits beer in Al Coholic's face!
JT: He's licking it up!
Shallow: That's sick!
GP: Now Coholic has Jay back up. Suplex onto the ramp! Coholic grabs Jay by the hair and leads him to the ring. He slams Jay's head into the apron and nails him with a chop!
JT: Come on Jay!
GP: Al grabs Jay by the pants and rolls him into the ring. Coholic follows in, but Jay is up and he starts stomping him! Jay was playing possum!
JT: Smart move! Drunk people fall for the old possum gag all the time!
Shallow: Really? How many drunk people have you tried it on?
JT: None, but I sure as hell fall for it a lot!
GP: Probably in bed with a woman.
JT: Hey, what the hell? No jokes for you Parker.
GP: Now Jay picks Coholic up and sends him to the ropes, BIG BOOT to the face and Coholic hits the mat. Jay bounces off the ropes and goes for an elbow drop, HE CONNECTS! Jay is going up top now. Jay's going for a splash off the top ropes! HE MISSES! Al Coholic rolled out of the way and Jay belly flopped on the mat!
Shallow: What the hell is Jay doing on the top rope? He's too big for that.
JT: No he's not! I've heard he can do a missle dropkick too, and it looks a helluva lot better than that fat guy in the WWF's.
Shallow: Big show?
JT: No, Paul Wight.
GP: Anyway. Coholic picks Jay off the mat and sends him to the ropes, POWERSLAM! The count down is starting! Coholic plants Jay with a DDT! Now Al is waiting for his partner to come down.
JT: I wonder who it'll be.
Shallow: I dunno, but whoever it is, Jay is gonna be in for a rough 3 minutes.
GP: True, it's gonna be a two on one for three minutes.
(Crowd chants, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! "Pretty Fly for a White guy" by the Offspring blasts as Michael Dudley's name flashes on the big screen. The music continues playing, but nobody comes out.)
GP: What's going on?
JT: Maybe he's scared!
Shallow: No, he is the number one contendor for the North American title, he would wanna get a shot at Psycho Jay.
JT: He's probably scared of Jay.
GP: Well whatever his reasons, Michael Dudley is not coming out. Al Coholic is holding his hands up in the air and yelling at the ring announcer. Psycho Jay comes from behind! Reverse DDT! So it's gonna stay a one on one until the next member of the Usual Suspects come out.
JT: I'm telling you, after what the Bruisers did to Vincent, they're probably scared to face the consequences.
Shallow: I doubt it, they probably just don't feel like fighting with these losers.
GP: Maybe. Now Jay irish whips Coholic to the ropes. Jay misses with a clothesline and Coholic comes flying back with a cross body block! No pins yet though. You can't be eliminated until everyone gets to the ring.
JT: Well then I guess this match can never end cause Michael Dudley no-showed.
Shallow: I think they'll allow it.
GP: Coholic picks up Jay and bodyslams him. He drops a leg across Jay's face and picks him up again. Coholic sends Jay to the ropes and clotheslines him to the mat. Coholic goes for another leg drop, but Jay rolls away. Al gets to his feet and Jay connects with a standing dropkick.
Shallow: I gotta admit Jay is pretty agile for a 300 plus pounder.
JT: I'm telling you Jay's the man. I know my wrestling. I ain't like Parker who thinks Dark Insanity is the IWO's future.
GP: I've never said that! Although he was a great talent.....
JT: Yeah right, he BLEW.
Shallow: Definitely. Now Jay scoops up Al Coholic and flips him back with a fall away slam! Nice move. Jay pulls Coholic to his feet and whips him into the corner. Jay runs in and nails him with an elbow smash to the jaw. Coholic stumbles out of the corner and Jay nails him with a bulldog!
Shallow: The countdown's starting again!
JT: Now Al Coholic's in some deep shit.
GP: Jay nails Coholic with a butterfly suplex and points to the ramp as the time ticks down.
(The crowd counts it down, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1......."Fuck Off" by Kid Rock blasts as Chris Davidson flashes on the big screen. This time, Davidson actually steps onto the ramp, tears his "Beaver 3:16 says I just ate your ear" t-shirt off and runs down to the ring.)
GP: IT'S CHRIS DAVIDSON!
Shallow: He hasn't done much of anything since entering the IWO.
JT: That would explain me not knowing who the hell he is. But is Jay likes him, then I do.
GP: Well the Wrecking Crew, who turned into the Usual Suspects had a lot of hype behind them, but it faded quickly. Now Davidson and Jay shakes hands and go to work on Coholic. They send him to the ropes and send him flying with a DOUBLE BACK BODY DROP! Coholic had to be at least 9 feet in the air with that one!
Shallow: I'll bet Coholic is wishing Michael Dudley showed up right about now.
GP: He sure is.
JT: Yeah, but he WON'T show up because he's scared!
GP: I doubt that's the reason JT. Now Davidson is stomping a mudhole in Coholic and Jay is heading up top again!
JT: What's he doing there now?
GP: Davidson lifts Al Coholic up in a vertical suplex and drops him on his back, Jay off the top ropes! FLYING SPLASH! Al Coholic's ribs must be crushed.
Shallow: Another countdown is starting!
JT: Now things will even up.
GP: Not if Brian Dudley decides to no-show too.
JT: Oh shit, that would REALLY suck.
Shallow: Just hope they didn't pick that order.
GP: Jay and Davidson are just beating Coholic down in the corner. Davidson backs up and connects with a Bronco Buster! Jay is choking Coholic with his boot and the crowd is counting.
(The crowd counts it, 3, 2, 1........"Biggest and the Best" by Clawfinger kicks in as High Flyer comes flying out from the back and hits the ring.)
GP: High Flyer got to the ring faster than I've ever seen anyone in my life!
Shallow: Jay and Flyer hook up! Jay sends High Flyer back with three hard rights. Jay places High Flyer on the turnbuckle!
GP: Superbomb already? I doubt it. Jay climbs up, NO! High Flyer reverses it into a hurricanrana off the top ropes! You've gotta wear someone down before you try that.
Shallow: But remember Jay's probably mad about that altercation he had with High Flyer on HT.
GP: Now High Flyer is kicking and punching Jay down to the mat. Spinning Heel Kick and Jay's down! Flyer is heading up to the top ropes! He comes off with an Asai Moonsault onto Jay! Meanwhile Davidson is still having his way with the already worn down Al Coholic. Davidson brings Coholic to the middle of the ring and nails him with a pump handle slam! Davidson whips Coholic to the ropes, he catches him with a rock bottom!
JT: Jay's back in control over High Flyer.
Shallow: He has him up over his head in a Gorilla Press! He drops him down to the mat! Now Jay picks up High Flyer and smashes him down with a shoulder breaker!
JT: Jay rules!
GP: Davidson sends Coholic to the corner, he follows in but it met with a double foot to the face from Coholic! Al hops up to the second rope and comes off with a flying double axhandle smash on Davidson! Now Coholic kicks Davidson in the gut and nails him with a gutwrench powerbomb!
Shallow: We've got another countdown!
JT: The odds shift back to the Usual Suspects in ten seconds.
GP: Al Coholic picks up Davidson and nails him with the HAPPY HOUR(brainbuster)!!!! Davidson's out cold!
(The crowd counts down, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1............"Freak on a Leash" by Korn blasts as Rob Kestler appears on the screen. Suddenly fireworks go off as Kestler comes out onto the entrance way behind carried on the shoulder of 5 midgets dressed like the Usual Suspects SUCK!)
JT: Oh my god! Those midgets are dressed like High Flyer, The Bruisers, Al Coholic and Dan Hopkins! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Shallow: Damn, midgets are funny as hell.
GP: Yes they are rather humorous. But Kestler sure is taking his time getting to the ring while Psycho Jay is getting double teamed by Coholic and High Flyer! Davidson's still out after recieving the Happy Hour.
JT: Now the midgets are lowing Kestler. I still can't believe that! HAHAHA!
Shallow: Calm down JT.
GP: High Flyer and Coholic whip Jay to the ropes, High Flyer drop toe holds Jay onto Coholic's knee! Nice move!
Shallow: Here comes Kestler!
GP: Kestler's in now and he hooks High Flyer from behind! BELLY-TO-BACK SUPLEX SENDS HIGH FLYER OUT OF THE RING! Kestler and Jay high five each other and turn around only to be clotheslined out of the ring by Coholic! Now Al climbs the ropes! He dives off the top onto Kestler and Jay!!! THEY CATCH HIM!
JT: OH SHIT!
Shallow: They slam Coholic through the Spanish announcer's table!
GP: Davidson's back up and the Usual Suspects have a huge advantage over The Usual Suspects SUCK.
JT: Hold on a second! Look at this! Vincent is coming down the aisle!
Shallow: He's unusually silent.
GP: That's because he can't curse like he usually does.
JT: Vincent's no fun without the constant curses.
GP: It looks like Vincent's gonna take a seat at the announcers table with us!!
Shallow: Well hello Vincent, curse lately? hehe.
JT: Settle down Vince, it'll be OK.
Vincent: I GUESS YOUR RIGHT FUCKER
GP: Now back in the ring Davidson, Kestler and Jay are manhandling High Flyer! Al Coholic is still trying to shake the cobwebs. Kestler and Jay picks High Flyer up on their shoulders, Davidson is tightrope walking the ropes. He springs off them and nails High Flyer with a blockbuster! Great team work! Now Kestler's heading up top. He's now yellin something?
Shallow: He's saying to buy his book the UNAUTHORIZED biography of Rob Kestler!
JT: I have it! That's good reading!
Vincent: BUY VINCENT'S FUCKING
GP: Vincent you have a book?
GP: Kestler's about to go airborne! NOOO! Al Coholic just knocked Kestler off the top! Rob crotches himself! Coholic climbs the turnbuckle! DDT OFF THE TOP ROPES ONTO KESTLER!
JT: Coholic isn't giving up even against the odds! That shows he's drunk off his ass!
Shallow: Haha, Coholic's a brawler, he doesn't know the meaning of quit.
GP: Coholic is now backed into a corner by Jay and Davidson. Al Coholic starts firing out of the corner with rights and lefts!
JT: Another countdown!
(The crowd chants, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1......................"Champagne" by Chris Rock plays as Dan Hopkins runs down to the ring!)
GP: Here comes Hopkins! He slides into the ring and catches Davidson with a forearm to the back of the head! Hopkins spins him around and nails him with a juvi driver!
Shallow: Ok....can we get security to take him outta here or something?
JT: He didn't say anything, he's got terrets syndrome or something.
GP: Now things are all evened up for the time being. Psycho Jay and High Flyer are fighting on the outside! High Flyer had nailed Jay with a spinning heel kick and sent him over the top, then flew off with a suicide dive onto Jay to get there. Now High Flyer whips Jay towards the railing, Jay reverses and High Flyer hits and flips into the crowd. Jay follows to the guard rail and grabs High Flyer's head, Jay slams High Flyer throat first onto the railing!
JT: Hey I just noticed something, where's the blood!
Shallow: Yeah, we want at least something to remember this crap by.
GP: Well apparently somebody read your minds because a fan just handed Jay a chair! Jay steps back to get a clear shot. High Flyer slowly stands up and Jay swings! HE MISSES! High Flyer pops back up and spin kicks the chair into Jay's face! Jay falls and High Flyer hops over the railing and leg drops the chair onto Jay's face! Jay is busted open!
JT: YES BLOOD!
Shallow: Yeah, but it's Psycho Jay, your personal fav.
JT: So what, at least it's red!
GP: Now Hopkins sends Davidson to the ropes, sidewalk slam! Hopkins drops a knee across Davidson's throat and locks on a figure four! Meanwhile Coholic is in trouble with Kestler. Rob nails him with a back suplex and heads up top. Nobody's gonna stop him now! SENTON BOMB!
Shallow: That's an awesome move for a 6'6" guy.
JT: Yeah, he might have landed on his head. A broken neck would make this match RULE!
GP: That would not. Now Kestler kicks Coholic in the stomach! THE CALL FROM BEYOND(Pedigree)!!!!
(The crowd counts down......"More Human Than Human" by White Zombie plays as Jake Mansfield walks down to the ring.)
GP: It's the largest man in the XWO Jake Mansfield!
JT: Another guy I've never heard of.
Shallow: He could be good.
GP: Anybody could be good if they actually apply themselves.
JT: Aww, how cute! Words of wisdom from fat ass Greg Parker.
GP: Screw you.
(Just then Nikki runs out from the back.)
GP: Mansfield's in the ring now and Coholic stumbles into him.........CHOKESLAM! Now Hopkins sees Mansfield and runs at him! Hopkins barely budged Mansfield with a clothesline attempt. He bounces off the ropes again and clotheslines him to no avail! Now High Flyer is on the top turnbuckle......MISSLE DROPKICK TO THE BACK OF MANSFIELD'S HEAD! Mansfield falls into a DDT from Hopkins!
JT: The big man's down.
Shallow: It took long enough.
GP: We've only got 2 men scheduled to come down , but the usual Suspects have a 4 on 3 advantage because of Michael Dudley no-showing.
JT: Yeah, the only guy that has the least bit of talent on the Usual Suspects SUCK didn't show, they're pretty much screwed.
GP: They still have a chance JT, anything can happen in the IWO.
Shallow: What a cheesy line!
GP: Hopkins turns around and gets blased in the head with a chair by Psycho Jay who just came back in. He's still busted open! Jay sets the chair up and grabs Hopkins, he lifts him up for a powerbomb and Kestler spikes it!
JT: That hurt.
GP: That was a nice move Vincent. Now Al Coholic rolled out of the ring and is pulling out a table! He sets the table up next to the apron. Al Coholic hops onto the apron and is taunting Mansfield! mansfield runs at Coholic who drops down and lowbridges Mansfield with the ropes!
JT: Holy shit! Mansfield's big ass just went right through that table!
Shallow: Bigger they are.....
Gp: And you talk about my lines?
Shallow: Shut up. Well Coholic just evened out the odds of this one for the time being. I guess that's what being a team captain is all about.
GP: Yes it is Johnny. Now Coholic hops into the ring and goes right after Chris Davidson! Kestler is putting the boots to Dan Hopkins while Psycho jay and High Flyer are at it again!
JT: Jeez, they;ve been at each other's throats all damn night.
GP: I have a feeling tonight isn't the end of it for them.
Shallow: Feeling? I guarantee that!
JT: Thank god.
Vincent: FUCKING OWW!
Shallow: Nothing Vincent, we know you've probably got some hookers waiting for you or something.
(Vincent heads to the back.)
GP: That man has some problems.
Shallow: We've got another countdown!
JT: This has gotta be Brian Dudley, if he doesn't show The Usual Suspects SUCK are finished.
(The crowd counts it down, 5, 4,3,2,1............."pretty Fly For a white guy" blasts as Brian Dudley's name flashes on the screen. Nobody comes out.)
JT: No BHB? It's over!
(Suddenly BRIAN DUDLEY STEPS ONTO THE RAMP!)
GP: There's Brian Dudley! Maybe things will even up after all!
Shallow: No look, Dudley just throws his hands in the air and turns around! HAHA!
JT: They screwed them! The BHB refuse to fight for their second team! That sucks for the Usual Suspects SUCK!
GP: It damn well does. Now the odds are 4 to 3 but we've still got Seth Weiland on his way in a few minutes! In the mean time we've got some action in the ring. Psycho Jay just got tossed over the top by Dan Hopkins! Remember Jay won his first IWO belt from Hopkins and since then has soared.
Shallow: Hopkins follows him outside. He's got a 2x4! Hopkins breaks the 2x4 over Jay's head! Wait, Mansfield's back up! He spins Hopkins around, kicks him in the gut and SUICIDE FALL(delayed powerbomb)!!!! Suicide Fall onto the concrete!
GP: Back in the ring High Flyer sends Kestler to the ropes, spinning head scissors! High Flyer picks Kestler up and hits with a side suplex. High Flyer bounces off the ropes, but is cut off by Chris Davidson! Davidson nails High Flyer with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Al Coholic nails Davidson from behind with a bulldog! He picks him up! HAPPY HOUR!!!!! OH MY GOD! THE USUAL SUSPECTS SUCK ARE IN CONTROL!
JT: Not for long!
Shallow: Count down time!
(10, 9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1..........""Fuck Off" by Kid Rock starts up as Seth Weiland runs down to the ring!)
GP: Here comes Weiland! He stomps Hopkins on the outside along with Jay and Mansfield. They all picks up Hopkins and toss him into the crowd! It's a 5 on 3! Jay, Mansfield and Weiland get into the ring.
JT: Too bad, no BHB equals no chance to win!
GP: This is not fair! This is pretty much five on three! Those odds don't look good for the Usual Suspects SUCK.
JT: Yeah. Besides, WE WANT THE BHB! BRING OUT THE BHB!
Shallow: I don't think they're coming JT, give it up.
GP: They are besides the point! The point is, their team has only THREE! Three on FIVE!
Shallow: Well, I guess it would figure. The Vegas odds don't look good for the Usual Suspects SUCK.
GP: Well, we've got Jay now hooking up with Al Coholic......Coholic delivers a DDT to Jay!
Shallow: Coholic is setting up for a sling shot......OH! And he's hit behind by Kestler! These numbers just aren't going to work for this team.
JT: Kestler now is helping Jay up.....they both grab Coholic.....DOUBLE SUPLEX TO COHOLIC!
Shallow: Let's cut to The Wrecking Crew. Chris Davidson and Seth Weiland are both double teaming Dan Hopkins....DOUBLE POWERBOMB TO HOPKINS!
JT: Weiland now lifts Hopkins up in a suplex.....he holds him there?
GP: Davidson goes to the top......he jumps.....HE KNOCKS HOPKINS OFF THE SUPLEX! THAT'S THE SUNSET IN BEVERLY HILLS! THAT'S THE BHB'S MOVE!
JT: Man, they are really rubbing it in the face of the Usual Suspects SUCK.
Shallow: You have to wonder where the BHB are at this point?
JT: Dumbass, they're in the back laughing at their team getting the shit kicked out of them.
GP: I guess we're just going to have to assume that they aren't coming out for this match. That really is unfortunate for the Usual Suspects SUCK. They looked like one of the better teams in tonights matches, but missing two guys is really going to mess up any team.
Shallow: The Wrecking Crew now puts Hopkins' neck under the bottom rope....they each grab a leg.....they sling shot him into the bottom rope!
JT: Davidson now lifts Hopkins up.....and he throws him head first into the cage!
GP: Weiland now grabs Hopkins by the head....AH! He starts rubbing his face against that steel cage! That cage is like a cheese grater!
JT: We're now going to High Flyer and Jake Mansfield duking it out......this is actually the only one on one we have going right now!
GP: Flyer grabs Mansfield for a suplex......he can't get the 7 foot plus Mansfield up for it. Flyer kicks him in the nuts and is able to hit mansfield with a quick piledriver!
JT: Flyer now goes to the top rope....senton bomb onto Mansfield! Flyer goes for a cover!
GP: It's going to take more than that for us to get an elimination here tonight!
JT: Mansfield staggers to his feet, but Flyer goes to the top.....AND MANSFIELD SLAMS FLYER OFF THE TOP ROPE! MANSFIELD COVERS!
GP: We're now cutting over to Coholic going against Jay and Kestler!
Shallow: Jay sets up Coholic for a piledriver.........Kestler goes to the top....jumps.....and DRIVES Coholic into the mat!
GP: JAY COVERS!
JT: NOW IT'S TWO ON FIVE!
GP: This is bad for the Usual Suspects SUCK. They don't have the BHB AND they've lost their captain!
JT: We've now got Krestler and Jay helping in on the beating of Dan Hopkins!
GP: All four men are laying the boots to Hopkins.
JT: Jay is now hold him up while Krestler lays punches into his ribs....there is NO way that Hopkins is going to be able to defend himself in this attack!
Shallow: Jay now sets up Hopkins on the top rope.....SUPERBOMB (Top Rope Powerbomb)!
JT: THAT'S IT!
GP: WAIT! Now Krestler sets him up.....CALL FROM BEYOND (Pedigree)!
JT: They're going to kill Hopkins!
Shallow: OH NO! Seth Weiland puts Hopkins on his shoulder.......Davidson runs up....7 SECOND DELAY (Diamond Cutter Off Tag Partner's Shoulders)!
JT: HOPKINS IS KNOCKED OUT AND BLEEDING! JAY COVERS!
GP: THAT JUST LEAVES HIGH FLYER!
Shallow: WAIT! LOOK AT FLYER! FLYING MOON SHOT (Moonsualt) ONTO MANSFIELD! FLYER COVERS!
1.......2......SAVE BY JAY!
JT: FLYER HAD IT WON! BRING OUT THE BHB!
GP: I don't think they're coming.
Shallow: Jay now puts Flyer on the top rope....SUPERBOMB! JAY COVERS!
GP: HE KICKED OUT OF THE SUPERBOMB!
JT: Krestler now sets up Flyer.......CALL FROM BEYOND!
GP: Krestler covers!
GP: HE KICKED OUT OF ANOTHER FINISHER!
JT: I don't think he'll kick out of this one.
Shallow: Davidson puts Flyer on his shoulder......Weiland runs up...7 SECOND DELAY!
JT: WEILAND COVERS!
GP: SO CLOSE, BUT FLYER IS STILL IN THIS THING!
Shallow: Masfield sets up Flyer.....SUICIDE DIVE (Delayed Powerbomb)!
GP: LOOK AT THIS! DAVIDSON IS HOLDING FLYER'S LEGS DOWN WHILE WEILAND HOLDS DOWN HIS SHOULDER! MANSFIELD, JAY, AND KRESTLER NOW ALL COVER!
JT: ALL OF THE USUAL SUSPECTS SURVIVE! THEY ALL GO ON!
GP: Well, you've got to remember, the odds WERE against the Usual Suspects SUCK. This really is too bad for those men.
JT: HA HA! THE BHB DIDN'T COME TO THE RING, BUT THEY GET TO ADVANCE IN ANOTHER MATCH! GREAT PLAN!
Shallow: Well, even though they had pretty much no chance of losing, a good showing by the Usual Suspects. Now wait a second! Psycho Jay, Chris Davidson and Rob Kestler just turned and ambushed Mansfield and Weiland! They're beating them down with lead pipes! Jay, Kestler and Davidson just left their best friends bloody and beaten in the center of the ring! What the hell is going on?
JT: They must be sick of them slacking off.
Shallow: I bet that's it.
GP: Well we'll see what else develops!
(promo again shown for No Name Neccessary v. Disfunctional Family)
GP:Well the following one should be...something else to say the least.
Shallow:You damn right Greg this one has been just waiting to happen for quite sometime.
JT:You know I've been thinging Shallow....you sound as queer in real life as you do on the RA show.
Shallow:Shutup JT...can you believe this guy Greg? UNBELIEVABLE!
JT:Don't you use that word...just a bit much?
Shallow:....anyways...ummm...uhhh...I don't know.
GP:Well let me ask you guys who are your picks for this one?
JT:Well I think it is quite obvious that Dane Wilt and the Beverly Hills Bruisers are gonna simply dominate this one.
Shallow:Alright why don't we hear an opinion from someone who is not a total idiot...namely ME!
GP:Tell us your opinion their Mr. Grinch award winner...
Shallow:Well being that I am the Grinch award winning Johny Shallow...I do believe that you will see Titan, Billy Larson, and Zombie simply will destroy Dane Wilt, Phelen Kell, and ?¿?.
GP:I think either way this will be interesting...any ideas on whom the mysterey man is.
Shallow:I think it will be former IWO World Champion Moonstone.
JT:I think it will be IWO great Bubbles.
GP:.....riiiiight. Anyways let's go down to the ring and get this match underway.
Ring Announcer:Ladies and gentlemen the following match is another Consipiracy Theory match-up. Introduceing first representing the Disfunctional Family...weighing in at 255 pounds...standing 6'2...he is a 3 time former IWO tag team champion and a 3 time former IWO World Champion...from Chicago here is Phelen Kell!
::"Sober" by tool plays as Kell walks out to a huge pop. He enters the ring and goes to each corner raiseing his arms up high. He then rests on the top turn buckle and awaits the rest of his team.::
Ring Announcer:Introduceing next....also from the Disfunctional Family weighing in at 255 pounds...and standing 6'5. He is the master of the Mysterey Death Driver...he is the first ever Pacific Champion and a former IWO World Champion ladies and gentlemen this is ?¿? !
::"Take the power back" by Rage Against the Machine begins to play as ?¿? makes his way out to the ring to another huge pop by the crowd. He enters the ring and starts a stare down with Kell.::
Ring Announcer:And introduceing next...from Beverly Hills, California they are former IWO World Tag Team Champions and the current IWO Intercontinental Tag Team Champions...the master of the Sun Set in Beverly Hills...at a total combine weight of 468 pounds here are Brian and Michael Dudley!
::"Pretty Fly (for a white guy)" by Offspring begins to play as BHB make their way out to the boos of the crowd. They enter the ring and walk over and start yelling at Kell and ?¿?.::
Ring Announcer:And finally...
::Michael Dudley grabs the microphone.::
Michael:No no no...some rinky dink ring announcer is not gonna announce the best IWO champion in the history of the IWO. Ladies and gentlemen allow me to introduce to you...weighing in at 235 pounds of pure muscle...standing a respectful 5'11...he is the master of such moves as the VanDANEinator....the Box Office Smash...and of course the ever so popular Face Lift. He is one of the founding fathers of the best stable in IWO history. He is a former AWF TV champion...a former IWO World Tag Team Champion...a former IWO Intercontinental Tag Team Champion by himself....a former IWO North American Champion...and a now 2 time IWO World Champion....known as "The Super Heel", "Genetic Perfection", and of course "The object of Sue Kell's masturbation"...but anyway you cut it he is the captain of the Disfunctional Family DANE WILT!
::"Alright (Oh Yeah)" by LocalH begins to play as Dane Wilt makes his way out carrying the IWO World Title at his side. The crowd begins to throw anything they can at him includeing even a few chairs. He eneters the ring and stands infront of ?¿? and Phelen Kell holding the World title up in his arms. Kell pushes him and Dane pushes him back and they almost begin brawling until the other team members break it up.::
Ring Announcer:And ladies and gentlemen introduceing now the members of No Name necissary...introduceing first he is a former IWO Extreme Champion...and is known for his finisher the Rain Drop...standing 6'3 and weighing in at 240 pounds. Here is CHROME THUNDER!
::"God of Thunder" by Kiss begins to play as Chrome makes his way out to pretty much no reaction to the crowd. He enters the ring and stands in his corner awaiting the other members of his team.::
Ring Announcer:Introduceing next...a former IWO TV champion...former IWO US Champion...former IWO North American Champion...and a former IWO World Champion. The master of Armegedon...standing 6'5 and weighing in at 255 pounds...here is BILLY LARSON!
::"Nobody loves me" by Limp Bizkit begins to play as Larson walks out to a mix of cheering and booing. He enters the ring and begins to stare down the Disfunctional Family.::
Ring Announcer:Introduceing next he is another true IWO legend...one of the guys here since day one...a former IWO World Tag Team Champion and a two time former IWO World Champion....weighing in at 350 pounds....standing 6'11...the master of the Zombie-plex...here is ZOMBIE!
::"Come as your are" by Nirvana begins to play as Zombie makes his way out. The crowd boos him as he walks to the ring. He enters and stands in an opposite corner and just stares down the Disfunctional Family.::
Ring Announcer:And finally the mysterey partner of No Name Necessary...
::"Enter Sandman" by Metallica begins to play.::
JT:AHAHAHA! IT'S ECW GREAT SANDMAN! AWESOME!
GP:Shutup GP it is not.
Ring Announcer:Ladies and gentlemen he is a former TV Champion and a former North American Champion...standing 6'4 and weighing in at 220 pounds...known for his finisher the Jack....here is JACK IN THE BOX!
::Jack in the Box walks out to mainly cheering of this returning IWO legend. He enters the ring and awaits the next member of the team.::
Ring Announcer:And now introduceing the champtain of No Name Necessary a man that has held so many titles over the years it's not even funny...probabley the biggest legend here in the IWO...he truely needs on introduction...TITAN!
::"Titan has a small wiener" by Joe Mama begins to play but Titan doesn't come out.::
Ring Announcer:I said....TITAN!
::"Titan has a small wiener" by Joe Mama begins to play again but still no Titan. They let the music play for about 5 minutes and Titan doesn't come out. They suddenly stop the music and the ring announcer begins to speak again.::
Ring Announcer:Ladies and gentlemen it appears No Name Neccessary will be a member down because Titan is a no show.
GP:WOW! Jack in the Box returns and Titan pulls a no show!
Shallow:I must say I am surprised by both of those aspects of this match!
JT:AHAHAHAHA! Things are looking really good for Dane Wilt and his Disfunctional Family!
GP:Well it seems that Phelen Kell will start this match for the Disfunctional Family...however Zombie is argueing with Billy Larson who get's to start. And Zombie just shoved Billy Larson through the ropes so I guess that means Zombie will start things off against Kell.
JT:Gee we've never seen anything like this before....
Shallow:psh I know.
GP:The two men are circleing eachother....and Zombie is putting his arms up for a test of strength.
Shallow:If Kell accepts this Zombie might rip his wrists right off.
GP:Kell is looking to the crowd and they are eargeing him not to do it...this is about the oldest trick in the wrestling book. Kell has his one arm up now and Zombie is moveing in to grab it now for the test of strength...OH! Kell swings underneath and nails Zombie with a low blow.
JT:SEE LOOK AT THAT! TYPICAL PHELEN KELL MOVE THERE! WHAT A CHEAP BASTARD!
GP:Kell is now nailing Zombie with rights and lefts and is forceing him into the ropes...Kell nails Zombie with two knife edge chops and whips him into the other side of the ropes....Zombie however reverses it...Kell's on his way back but Zombie telegraphed that back body drop...OH! A kick to the head by Kell Zombie goes down!
Shallow:This is boreing as hell...Peanut and Altoid has better action then this shit.
GP:Kell now has Zombie up and takes him back down with a Russian leg sweep. Kell brings Zombie back up and twists his arm and goes to tag in Brian Dudley but Dudley hops off the apron to avoid the tag!
JT:HAW HAW! This now gave Zombie a chance to counter that arm twist and now has Kell's arm twisted and expanded....and a kick right to Kell's face. Kell goes down. Zombie picks Kell up and whips him over to Zombie's corner!
GP:Zombie now distracts the ref and Jack in the Box aswell as Billy Larson get in the ring and begin to stomp the hell out of Phelen Kell...to quote one of my favriote announcers Jimmy Ross...their stomping a mud hole in his ass!
JT:Their he goes again with his JR catch phrases...didn't you ever notice how similar the two of em' are Johnny?
Shallow:Well now that you mention it...
GP:Can we please concentrate on the match! Jack and Billy are both out of the ring again and Zombie is over and has Kell back up...he whips Kell into the ring...spine buster slam! What power! Zombie now tags in Chrome Thunder.
JT:What the hell is Chrome Thunder doing in this match?
Shallow:Yeah I always thought he was a bit of a jobber.
GP:Well be that as it may Chromey has Kell up and takes him head first into the turn buckle...Kell flys backwards from that one. Chrome is up top now....and goes for a leg drop....but Kell moves!
Shallow:I think this would be an excellent time for Kell to tag out.
GP:And that seems to be what Kell's thinking...he's slowly crawling to his corner to try and tag out...Chrome is still down but I dobut for long. Kell's almost to ?¿?...but ?¿? doesn't have his hand out for the tag...Kell dives....and ?¿? turns his back and walks away! Now Chrome Thunder has Kell by his ankles and is pulling him back into the center of the ring. Chrome grabs Kell by his back and lifts him up from the ground for a releasse German Suplex. Chrome now turns and tags in the returning Jack in the box!
JT:AHAHAHAHHA! Jack in the box I love those things...do do do dododod dodo dodo dodo doo doo do dodo dododododo POP GOES THE WEASTLE!
GP:....yep...Jack in the Box enters and has Kell up hooks his arms from behind and turns him for an Impaler! Ouch that had to hurt! Jack in the box now picks Kell back up and whips him into the ropes amd Jack runs into the other side...Spinning Heel Kick by Jack in the Box! The cover by Jack in the Box...1......2....NO! Kell kicked out!
Shallow:Kell is a pretty tough guy...it's gonna take alot from these huge IWO stars to take him out!
GP:Well Jack has Kell up and whips him into the ropes again and catches him with a hurricaranna! Jack in the box now tags out to Billy Larson! Larson is in the ring and is stomping the hell out of Kell! I mean this guy is going nuts! These two men totally hate eachother....
JT:Most men right now in the ring totally hate eachother.
GP:Larson has Kell up kicks him in the stomach and drops him with a stunner. Larson now goes off the ropes and drives an elbow drop into Kell's heart! Larson is really takeing the fight to Kell! Larson picks Kell up by his nose and just slammed Kell face first onto his knee. Kell is now busted wide open...it looks like maybe he's got a broken nose even.
Shallow:If Kell's team mates won't tag him out soon I don't see Phelen lasting for too long. Larson has Kell up....and takes him back down with a DDT! Larson goes for a cover...1.....2.....NO! Kell barely got his shoulder up!
GP:Larson has Kell back up and whips him into the ropes....Larson ducks down for a back body drop but Kell is able to stop himself...he's got Larson...RUNNING POWER BOMB! SHADES OF HOSTILE YOUTH THEIR FOLKS!
Shallow:KELL HAS GOT TO FIND SOMEONE TO TAG OUT TO! IF HE DOESN'T I THINK IT WILL BE THE END OF KELL'S STAY IN THIS MATCH.
JT:Neither man is moveing...ELIMINATE THEM BOTH AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
GP:The ref is counting however Kell is now crawling to his corner...Larson still isn't moveing. Kell is getting closer and closer to his corner....will he make the tag. Larson still hasn't moved...as Kell streaches out further and further to make his tag. Larson finally rolled over and is turning and crawling toward his corner where his entire team have their hands out for the tag. Kell is almost to Dane Wilt....almost their...and WHAT!?! KELL'S ENTIRE TEAM JUST JUMPED OFF THE APRON TO AVOID THE TAG! Kell doesn't know what's happening...he's pulling himself up by the ropes...Dane Wilt has a chair and knocks him in the head with it! Kell goes down! Larson makes the tag to Jack in the box....Jack in the Box runs over to the corner and lays Kell on the top rope....and nails him with the JACK! It's over Jack in the box rolls Kell up for a cover....1.....2.....3! Kell's eliminated?!?! KELL'S ELIMINATED! I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE SAYING THIS SO EARLY IN THE MATCH!
JT:I must say it is a bit of a shocker that the "legend" is out already...however Brian Dudley has just rushed in the ring and is now stomping away on Jack in the Box...he has him up whips him into the ropes for a monkey flip! Brian goes off the other side of the ropes and clotheslines Jack in the Box over the top. Michael Dudley spring boards off the second rope and nails Jack in the Box with a heel kick to his face! Michael rolls Jack back in the ring. AHAHAHAHA!
GP:I'll handle the play by play JT...do your damn job...swear...be a perv...and tell stupid jokes that no one laughs at.
JT:Point well taken.
GP:Brian is stomping on Jack in the Box now....he has him up and takes him back down with an inverted atomic drop. Brian goes off the ropes and swings and nails him with a big elbow drop. Brian for the cover....1...and a quick kick out by Jack in the Box....Brian tags in Michael and they nail Jack in the box with a double DDT!
Shallow:Michael has Jack up...whips him into the ropes and goes for a drop kick but Jack held onto the ropes...Jack comes back and clotheslines Michael over the top rope! Michael is on the outside now....wait a second....Dan Hopkins....High Flyer...and Al Coholic have just came jumping through the stands...and they are attacking Michael and Brian Dudley!
GP:Meanwhile in the ring Jack tags out to Billy Larson who walks over and pulls Dane Wilt in the ring. Dane and Billy are now tradeing punches...
JT:Someone get the losers on the outside out of here...oh no! A Happy hour on Michael Dudley! Hopkins has Brian Dudley on a table...High Flyer off the ring apron with the High Flying Moonsault! Oh man! The Bruisers are done!
GP:Meanwhile on the inside Billy Larson laid Dane Wilt out with a piledriver...Coholic just rolled Brian in and Flyer and Hopkins rolled Michael in...and Dane Wilt's still laid out....Larson jumps on the legal man Michael Dudley...1.......2.......3!
GP:Now he jumps over onto Brian Dudley....1........2.......3!
JT:God save Hopkins Coholic and Flyer when BHB get their hands on em'!
GP:It's now down to 2 on 4....things don't look good for ?¿? and Dane. Dane Wilt is now on his feet after that pile driver....Larson drops Wilt again with a leg sweep this time. Dane goes down hard on his neck. Larson now grabs Wilt's legs...and goes for a figure-4 but Dane launces Larson off of him with his free foot. Wilt is up and him and Larson lock up...Larson with a go behind....Wilt counters with a go behind of his own...and into a reverse DDT!
JT:AHAHAHHAHA! See theirs NO WAY they can beat Dane's team...he's awesome!
Shallow:He's stupid...he's fucking stupid...he copys everything...he rips everything off he sucks!
JT:Shutup Johnny you idiot.
GP:Wilt has Larson back up lifts him up and drives him down with a side walk slam. Wilt picks Larson up and whips him into the corner...BIG SPLASH by Dane! Dane now tags in ?¿?.
Shallow:Theirs a real wrestler JT....?¿? is everything that is good about the IWO.
JT:PSH! You wish fruity!
GP:?¿? is in the ring and has Larson by the head...and just whipped him like that. Larson slides into his corner and makes the tag to Zombie! Zombie vs. ?¿? this is what the crowd wants! Zombie and ?¿? lock up and Zombie forces ?¿? into a neutral corner...the ref is calling for a clean break but Zombie is now chopping away on ?¿?. Zombie hip tossess him out of the corner and ?¿? is right back on his feet. Zombie runs out of the corner and goes for a nasty clothesline but ?¿? ducks it...Zombie turns around and catches a super kick to the chin...Zombie goes down!
JT:AHAHHAHAHA! ?¿? just ripped off Dane's move.
Shallow:What are you talking about that's not Dane's move...Shawn Michaels, Chris Adams, and Stevie Richards all used it before him!
GP:?¿? has Zombie up now and takes him back down with the snap mare. ?¿? off the ropes flips over Zombie and just bent Zombies neck...ouch. ?¿? lifts Zombie up again and has him up for a scoop slam....looks like maybe a shoulder breaker...yes! Zombie is grabing his arm that one had to hurt...?¿? for the cover....1......2....NO! Jack in the Box made the save!
GP:?¿? is up and has Zombie back up into his corner...?¿? is up on the top rope for the punches to the face....1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! Zombie goes down...?¿? picks him up and lifts him up ontop....wait a sec Wilt just tagged himself in! ?¿? can't be happy about that...Wilt is up top...bull dog off the top! ?¿? is stareing down Dane but now just stepped back through the ropes.
Shallow:Why would Wilt do that? It's like I've been saying for weeks....the guys an idiot!
GP:Wilt is up top now waiting for Zombie to get up....Zombie is on one knee...he's now up but isn't faceing the turn buckle where Dane's up on top at yet....Zombie turns WILT WITH A ROLLING SENTON OFF THE TOP...UH-OH...Zombie caught him....JACK KNIFE POWER BOMB BY ZOMBIE! Zombie now stumble over to his corner and tags in Chrome Thunder....Chromey has a few personal problems with Dane....
JT:YEP! Dane kicked Chrome's ass out of the Billion Dollar Promotion and ever since then...Chrome's done....just about nothing!
GP:It would appear that way yes JT....Dane is now up and Chrome sends him right back down with a big spear! The ring shook on that one! Chrome is now letting lose on Dane with hard lefts and rights...he's just going nuts on him!
Shallow:Wow he really is kicking Dane's ass hardcore!
GP:Chrome picks Dane up....and just ran Dane's face across the top rope! Chrome is now simply stomping the hell out of him...Chromey is really takeing the fight to Dane! Chrome has Dane up and whips him into the ropes...Chrome for a hip toss but Dane reverses it into a hip toss of his own! Dane off the ropes and chrome's up spinning wheel kick sends Chromey right back down! Dane Wilt now goes up top....and is perched waiting for Chrome to get back up...
Shallow:Chrome is back up....BUT NO! ?¿? JUST PUSHED DANE OFF OF THE ROPES FROM BEHIND AND CHROME CAUGHT HIM! CHROME'S GOING FOR THE RAIN DROP THAT FISHERMAN'S DDT HE LIKES!
GP:NO! Dane nails Chrome in the stomach makeing him stumble back Wilt back peddles a bit...FACE LIFT! FACE LIFT! DANE JUST SENT CHROME ROLLING BACKWARDS WITH THAT SUPER KICK OF HIS! Dane stumbles back a few steps...and ?¿? tags himself in!
Shallow:Show him what a real man can do ?¿?!
GP:?¿? runs over to Chrome Thunder but Zombie meets him...and ?¿? sends Zombie down with a hard left hand....Larson's in and ?¿? sends him down with a good right hand...wait Dane Wilt from behind he just pushed ?¿?! ?¿? turns and pushes the IWO World Champion right back....THE TWO ARE NO TRADEING PUNCHES RIGHT IN THE CENTER OF THE RING! BACK AND FORTH WITH LEFTS AND RIGHTS....FINALLY ?¿? GET'S DANE ROCKING....DANE'S UP AGAINST THE ROPES....?¿? NAILS HIM OVER THE TOP WITH A CLOTHESLINE BUT ?¿? GOES OVER TOO! THEY BOTH LAND ON THEIR FEET AND ARE STILL FIGHTING!
Shallow:GET HIM ?¿?!
JT:GET HIM DANE!
GP:Zombie, Chrome, Larson, and Jack in the Box are watching them go at it...they know they can just let ?¿? and Dane destroy eachother and then it will give them an easy win. The ref's count is at 3 and they have till the count of 10 to get back into the ring!
Shallow:LOOK AT ?¿? HE'S GOT DANE ROCKING ALL OVER THE PLACE...DANE'S ON ONE KNEE INFRONT OF HIM AND ?¿? IS STILL PUNCHING HIM...
JT:AHAHAHAHAHA! LOW BLOW BY DANE! NOW DANE IS UP AND IS POUNDING ON ?¿?!
GP:DANE TAKES TO BIG OF A SWING ?¿? GRABS HIM AND LIFTS HIM UP....FROM BEHIND FOR WHAT LOOKS LIKE MAYBE A BACK DROP OR ATOMIC DROP....NO! ?¿? JUST RAN DANE'S....NUTS FIRST INTO THE METAL RING POLE!
Shallow:Good thing Dane has that Mini-Dane....cause he's never gonna have children for now on!
GP:The ref is up to a 6 count and No Name Necessarry are watching as they are about to recieve a very easily won victory. ?¿? has a steel chair and just smacked Dane right in the face with it! Dane's busted wide open now! his blonde hair is now stained with his blood!
Shallow:?¿? is really fucking Dane up!
JT:FUCK YOU SHALLOW!
GP:The ref is up to the 9 count so this one's....WAIT TITAN JUST ENTERED THE RING! TITAN CAME DOWN THE RAMP...I DIDN'T EVEN SEE HIM COMING...HE NAILS THE REF OVER he head with a lead pipe...and catches him dragging him backwards. TITAN IS HERE! TITAN IS HERE! IT LOOKS LIKE ?¿? AND DANE ARE REALLY SCREWED NOW!
GP:No one in the ring has noticed him yet...I think he want's to surprise his buddy Billy Larson...he taps him on the shoulder...Larson turns around...OH MY GOD! TITAN JUST SMACKED LARSON RIGHT IN THE JAW WITH THAT LEAD PIPE! LARSON JUST SPIT BLOOD ALL OVER THE PLACE! OUCH! MEYGON IS ON THE OUTSIDE SETTING UP A TABLE FOR TITAN...TITAN GRABS CHROME THUNDER FROM BEHIND AND RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX OVER THE TOP THROUGH A TABLE! Meygon picks him up and rolls him in the ring. ZOMBIE TURNS AROUND AND NOTICEING WHAT'S HAPPENING TO EVERYONE GOES FOR A CLOTHESLINE...TITAN DUCKS IT AND CATCHES ZOMBIE ON HIS WAY BACK OFF THE ROPES....TITAN PULLS OUT A CHAINSAW CHAIN....HE JUST NAILED ZOMBIE INT HE FACE WITH THAT CHAINSAW CHAIN! ZOMBIE MIGHT NOT HAVE A FACE ANYMORE! JACK IN THE BOX HAS JUST BEEN STANDING BACK....
JT:It looks like Jack in the Box is trying to make friends with Titan he has his hand out for Titan to shake...
Shallow:Titan reaches out and shakes it!
GP:Wait a sec Meygon just entered the ring...and she pushed a sledge hammer in the ring too...Titan and Jack in the box are standing in the middle of the ring as Titan holds Jack in the Box's hand up...Meygon from behind with a low blow! Titan grabs the sledge hammer and smacks Jack in the face with it! ZOMBIE IS UP TO ONE KNEE TITAN NOTICES AND CRACKS ZOMBIE IN THE SKULL WITH THE SLEDGE HAMMER! ZOMBIE IS TOTALLY COVERED IN BLOOD! TITAN AND MEYGON ARE NOW LEAVEING THE RING!
JT:Look at Dane Wilt and ?¿? on the outside they are still just fighting eachother..Dane just threw ?¿? into the security barrier...runs in for a splash...
GP:But ?¿? put his foot up! Wilt drove himself face first into ?¿? foot! ?¿? now grabs Dane and rools him into the ring...?¿? rolls in after him and Dane is up already...their tradeing punches again...back and forth...wait...?¿? just pushed Dane and Dane tripped and fell over Chrome Thunder's limp body. Dane and ?¿? stop and look at eachother very confused...
Shallow:They must not have even noticed that Titan came down to the ring!
GP:Dane rolls ontop of Chrome Thunder...and a new ref slides in the ring...1......2.....3!
Shallow:?¿? covers Zombie....1......2......3!
JT:Dane now rolls Billy Larson over for a cover....1.....2.....3!
Shallow:And finally ?¿? rolls on top of Jack in the Box....1.....2.....3!
ELIMINATED:JACK IN THE BOX
GP:It appears the Disfunctional Family wins...wait a sec Dane is still shooting off his mouth to ?¿?...?¿? is just standing their takeing it...UH-OH IT'S TITAN! TITAN IS BACK AND IS STANDING RIGHT BEHIND DANE! DANE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW IT!
JT:UH-OH! DANE LOOK OUT!
Shallow:?¿? just pointed behind Dane...Dane slowly turns around...
GP:AND TITAN GRABS HIM! TITAN SCOOPS HIM UP TITAN X-PRSS! X-PRESS! DANE IS OUT COLD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! Titan jumps on him for a cover...?¿? just stand there!?! 1......2......3!
GP:Dane is out cold...the ref is actually rolling him out of the ring! It now comes down to ?¿? against Titan...now where have we seen this before folks!?!
JT:COME ON TITAN! I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU!
Shallow:COME ON ?¿?!
GP:They are now once again tradeing punches...Titan is fresh and is bigger then ?¿? so he's sending him backwards....Titan has him into the ropes now...Titan whips him to the other side of the ropes...?¿? ducks a clothesline...off the ropes drop kick sends Titan over the top! The crowd is going nuts....?¿? off the ropes again...goes for a diver over the top rope...but is caught by Titan! And Titan just dropped him ribs first onto the security rail ouch!
JT:YES C'MON TITAN!
GP:Titan has ?¿? and just whipped him into the crowd....Titan steps in the crowd too ?¿? has a chair and just threw it in Titan's face! Titan stumbles backwards but ?¿? grabs him and nails a snap suplex in the crowd! ?¿? has another chair and lays it on Titan's face...and ?¿? is nailing him time after time on the chair resting upon his face! Titan's gotta be hurting!
Shallow:YES! ?¿? now has Titan up again and just nailed a DDT on the cement! Titan's gotta be out of it now!
GP:?¿? has Titan up again....swings but Titan ducks...Titan grabs him from behind...GERMAN SUPLEX ONTO A STEEL CHAIR! TITAN DOESN'T HOLD THE BRIDGE FOR LONG THOUGH AND HAS ?¿? RIGHT BACK UP...TITAN GRABS HIM WITH BOTH HIS MASSIVE HANDS...AND PUTS THEM RIGHT AROUND HIS THROAT...DOUBLE HANDED CHOKE SLAM ONTO THE CEMENT!
JT:YEAH BABY! NOW TITAN HAS ?¿? UP AGAIN...THIS TIME HE HAS HIM IN A BEAR HUG...AND IS CHAREING STRAIGHT FOR A CEMENT WALL...AND SMASHES ?¿? INTO IT! TITAN GRABS A CHAIR....SWINGS BUT ?¿? MOVES...AND SWEEPS TITAN! TITAN FALLS ON TOP OF A TABLE....
JT:?¿? spring boards off the wall...elbow drop through the table! OH GOD!
Shallow:WHAT'RE THEY DOING?
Ring Announcer:Ladies and gentlemen...the ref has reached the count of 10 on both Titan and ?¿?...theirfore this match is ruled as a draw!
ELIMINATED:TITAN AND ?¿?
GP:The crowd is not happy with that one bit...and we still have ?¿? and Titan brawling in the crowd...this match was nuts since the time they announced it...we really have to admit this type of ending isn't surpriseing at all.
JT:DAMN! Oh well we know Titan would have won....
Shallow:NO WAY! It was all ?¿?!
GP:PLEASE GENTLEMEN PLEASE! Neither one won...that's why it's a draw!
JT: You know what that means?!
JT: EVERYBODY v. Apollo!!
GP: Oh God.
JT: This should be funny!!
Shallow: Oh I can't wait!!
GP - And here we are!!! WHAT A NIGHT IT HAS BEEN!!! The first IWO pay per view of the year 2000 has been just full of excitment and this is our final match!!!
JT - DONT LIE!!! THIS THING HAS SUCKED OUT THE ASS!!!
Shallow - Damn it JT.. Don't say that.. The people will think you are telling the truth.. it has been great fans.. trust me..
JT - LOL!!!!
GP - Anyway.. While you two argue over tonight's card, I am gonna talk about the Main Event. And Evan Levine... What a step he has taken here tonight..
JT - Yeah, a step right into the dawg house. He has to face 6 men... He is going to be destroyed. WAIT!!! CUT TO THE BACK!!!!
(We see all hell breaking loose. We see Capital Punishment, Tony Davis, Dane Wilt, Billy Larson, and Zombie all beating the hell out of The Wrecking Crew. They then look up and start beating the hell out of each other.)
GP - Things have gotten way out of hands fans. There is no telling what is going to happen here or who is going to win... Apparently now it will just be Psycho Jay and Apollo taking on Evan Levine in the Main Event?!?! Who knows if anyone from the Wrecking Crew will be out here for this!!!
JT - Who cares?!?!?! I'm taking a nap...
Shallow - And why are those guys beating up The Wrecking Crew? Something isn't right here!!!
GP - I think they are jealous because they aren't in this pay per view main event!!! So they are taking their anger out on the guys that are and themselves!!!
JT - zzzzzzzz
Shallow - That could be it!!! Wow!!!
("The Kids Aren't All Right" by Offspring begins to play. The crowd gets up on its feet.. well atleast ten of them... Evan Levine gets to the ring. He has a microphone in his hand.)
Evan Levine - I said when I came to the IWO that I would be the World Champion within a month... Tonight is my step toward my goal as I declare myself the NEW number one contender for the IWO World Title... And guess what guys in the back.. All you guys that think you main event... You aren't shit anymore!!! I AM THE MAN!!!! I am the new Mr. Headliner!!! The rest of you can kiss my ass!!!
(The crowd is now booing him. Atleast a couple hundred.)
Evan Levine - Shut your damn mouths... I'm honestly tired of all your crap. Look at where I am.. Look at the BDP.. we are the IWO... We are the shit and you can't do a damn thing about it..
(From the back out runs Zombie. He has a broom in his hand. He runs to the ring.)
Evan Levine - What the....?
(Zombie gets in the ring and wacks Evan Levine with the broom stick. Zombie hits him again.. this time breaking the broom stick right over Evan's head. Evan goes down hard. Zombie takes his microphone.)
Zombie - And I can't do anything about it? You are full of shit man. You and your main event shit. Look who is standing over your jobber ass now!!!
(The crowd is actually cheering Zombie. All eight hundred that are left.)
Zombie - And guess what IWO... I WILL BE THE MAIN EVENT... THE MAIN EVENT... I will be the World Champion.. And in my hand... I have a piece of paper.. wait.. no...
(Zombie reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a piece of paper.)
Zombie - IN MY HAND... A piece of paper... That says.. I.. ME.. ZOMBIE... ME.. Will HAVE to get a World Title Shot on February 7th's Monday Night Meltdown!!!
GP - WHAT?!??!
Zombie - So.. John.. Get off your ass and give me my title match!!!
("Nobody Loves Me" by Limp Bizkit begins to play. Billy Larson comes storming out. He heads to the ring.. He takes the microphone from Zombie.)
Billy Larson - What the hell are you saying? What about MY shot?
Zombie - You lost that shot.. Remember?
Billy Larson - FUCK YOU.. It is still MY shot.. You can't have my shot on February 7th...
Zombie - You wanna bet? Read this piece of paper...
(Larson grabs the piece of paper... HE RIPS IT UP... )
Zombie - WHAT THE...
Billy Larson - Look at your title shot now!!!
(Larson tosses the ripped up little pieces of paper at Zombie.)
Zombie - YOU...
(Zombie shoves Larson!!! LARSON SHOVES ZOMBIE BACK!!!! Zombie spears Larson down to the mat!!! He starts punching away on Larson!!! Larson is returning the fire!!! From the back!!! BRAWLING!!! There is ?¿? and Titan still brawling!!! MY GOD!!! They are both a bloody mess.. They've been brawling ever since their match.)
GP - This is crazy.. What has happened to our Pay Per View Main Event!??!?!
Shallow - Who cares.... This is action!!!
JT - zzzzzzz
(Titan and Zombie have brawled to the ring. Titan throws ?¿? into the ring. Zombie and Larson are still brawling. They stop!??! Zombie and Larson look at Titan and ?¿?... Zombie grabs the microphone.)
Zombie - Hey Larson... Lets not fight each other.. It gets us nowhere. Lets beat the hell out of these two. They are supposed to be the IWO Legends? Legends my ass!!!
(Zombie and Larson shake hands!!! AND GO OVER TO TITAN AND ?¿?!!! Zombie grabs Titan by the hair and turns him around.. PUNCH TO THE FACE... Larson grabs ?¿?.. A PUNCH OF HIS OWN!!! Now we have even more all hell breaking loose!!!)
GP - This is nuts...
(Psycho Jay and Apollo come running out from the back. They are going after Evan Levine!!! WAIT!!! Rob Kestler is coming out!?!? He has a chair?!?! Apollo and Psycho Jay are double teaming Evan Levine... Rob Kestler slides into the ring.. HE NAILS APOLLO IN THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR!!! Apollo goes down!!! Psycho Jay and Rob Kestler are now beating away on Evan Levine.)
Jt - zzzzzz
(Zombie has backed Titan into the corner of the ring. He is beating him in the face with his fists... Larson has ?¿? down with a choke hold. WAIT!!! NO!!! TITAN IS TITANING UP!!!! AND ?¿? IS ?¿?ING UP!!!)
Shallow - LOOK AT THE ICONS!!!
(Titan blocks a Zombie punch!!! He starts shaking his finger at Zombie!!! Zombie looks scared!!! ?¿? grabs Larson by the hand.. He starts shaking his finger at Larson!!! Larson is backing away!!! Larson and Zombie are backing away... They bump into each other!!!! They turn around.. See what is happening.. ZOMBIE PULLS LARSON IN FRONT OF HIM!! Titan grabs Larson by the throat.. CHOKE SLAM!!! CHOKE SLAM!!!! LARSON IS DOWN!!!! ?¿? kicks Zombie in the stomach.. TITAN COMES OVER.. CHOKE SLAM!!! CHOKE SLAM!!!! Both Zombie and Larson are down!!! Titan and ?¿? are looking at each other.... WAIT!! MY GOD!! THEY SHAKE HANDS!!! MY GOD THEY SHAKE HANDS!!!!!!)
GP - THIS HAS TO BE THE BIGGEST MOMENT IN IWO HISTORY!!!! THEY ARE SHAKING HANDS!!! TWO ENEMIES!!!
Shallow - THIS IS GOING TO BE HUGE NEWS!!!!
JT - zzzzzz
(Titan pulls Larson up.. He gives him to ?¿?... HE SETS HIM UP.. MYSTERY DEATH DRIVER!!!!!! Larson is out!!! Titan pulls Zombie up and throws him to ?¿?.. MYSTERY DEATH DRIVER!!!!!! BOTH ARE DOWN!!! BOTH ARE DOWN!!!!! ?¿? and Titan look over at the other guys in the ring brawling.. They laugh... AND WALK OVER TOWARDS THEM!!! Titan grabs Psycho Jay from behind... Psycho Jay turns around... Punch to the gut!!! Psycho Jay doubles over.. TITAN HAS HIM.. POWERBOMB!!! PSYCHO JAY IS DOWN!!!! ?¿? taps Rob Kestler on the shoulder.. Kestler turns around... KICK TO THE STOMACH.. DDT!!! KESTLER IS DOWN!!!! ?¿? and Titan smile...)
GP - This is just amazing.. Chaotic.. But amazing....
Shallow - A classic!!!
JT - zzzzz
(Titan pulls Rob Kestler up... ?¿? is pointing to the top rope.. The crowd is going crazy... Titan picks Kestler up.. He places him on the top turnbuckle.. TITAN GOES UP!!! TITAN X-PRESS!!! TITAN X-PRESS!!! Kestler hit hard!!! He is down. ?¿? pulls Psycho Jay up.. He picks him up and sets him on the top turnbuckle.. Titan goes up!!! TITAN X-PRESS!!!! TITAN X-PRESS!!! Psycho Jay is out!!!)
GP - We've seen two Titan X-Press' and two Mystery Death Drivers. This is amazing.
Shallow - You just said amazing like eight times in a row... geez.. get a new line...
GP - AMAZING!!!
Shallow - NO!!!
GP - OK!!!
(Titan and ?¿? smile... Titan gets a microphone.)
Titan - NOW WHO IS THE MOTHER FUCKING MAIN EVENT!?!?!? Oh wait... We're gonna let you mid carders have the chance... We're gonna go have some fun now... Later!
(Titan drops the microphone... He and ?¿? exit the ring...)
GP - WHAT ARE THEY DOING!?!??
Shallow - WHAT KIND OF FUN!?!?
(The crowd is cheering them.. They head to the back.)
JT - zzzzz
GP - Our cameras are gonna follow them!!!
(The camera catches Titan and ?¿? still walking. They are laughing and talking with each other. They head to the back of the arena... Out the doors.. A long stretch limo is waiting for them.. The door to the limo opens up and we see 27 freshly picked whores in the limo.. Titan and ?¿? get in... They slam the door and drive off.)
GP - THEY ARE LEAVING WITH SOME WOMEN!!! MY GOD!!! THIS IS UNREAL!!!
Shallow - I have to get the story on this...
(Shallow gets up and heads to the back.)
GP - Where is he going??? They already left!!! I guess we will keep you updated on this situation. But now I am all alone... I think....
(GP looks over to JT.)
JT - zzzz
GP - YEP...
(Apollo and Evan Levine are slowly getting up. They look around and see the carnage in the ring. They look at each other... AND START BRAWLING!!! Apollo slings Evan Levine into the ropes... Levine comes back... He ducks a clothesline attempt by Apollo.. Levine bounces off the other ropes now.. CROSS BODY!!! NO REFREE!!!)
GP - What are the rules to this thing!?!? HELP!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!!
(Evan Levine starts pounding away on Apollo's face. FROM THE BACK!!! HERE COMES G-DAWG!!! He is carrying a dog collar!!! He runs to the ring, slides in the ring, and decks Evan Levine from behind!!! He slaps on the dawg collar!!! He is now jerking Evan Levine all around the ring!!!)
GP - THIS IS NUTS!!!
(G-Dawg has a microphone!!!)
G-Dogg - IM THE MAIN EVENT!!! ME!!! THE DOG!!! THE IWO'S DOG!!! I AM THE MAIN EVENT!!! THE NEW MAIN EVENT!!! NOT YOU LEVINE!!!!
(G-Dogg starts stomping away on the fallen Evan Levine.)
(The cameras cut to the back. We see Johnny Shallow talking to some dude. He hands him a 20 dollar bill and heads out of the building. He tells our camera man to follow him.)
GP - Apparently Mr. Shallow is going to find out what is going on with Titan and ?¿?!!!
(Ken War and Capital Punishment are brawling in the back. Ken War slings Capital Punishment into the wall. Cappy hits hard. He drops to the floor. Ken War grabs a trash can and bashes Cappy in the head. He hits him again.. and again...)
JT - zzzzz
(Psycho Jay, Rob Kestler, Zombie, and Billy Larson are still down. Apollo is slowly getting up. He looks over and sees that G-Dogg is beating away on Evan Levine. Apollo rolls out of the ring... He goes to the floor... and crawls under the ring!?!)
GP - What is he doing? WHERE DID HE GO!?!?!?
JT - zzzz
GP - SOMEONE HELP ME!!! GAWD!!!
(Johnny Shallow is driving really fast down the road. Apparently he is in hot pursuit of Titan and ?¿?'s limo.)
Johnny Shallow - I'm gonna break the story!!! I'm gonna find out what's going on!!! HHAHAHAHHA!!! I AM MR. SCOOP!!! HAHAHAHHAHA!!!
(The camera cuts to the back again. We see Ken War and Capital Punishment still brawling. Ken War is beating Cappy down with a mop. He shoves the mop in the mop bucket and rams it in Capital Punishment's face!!! Ken War grabs the mop bucket and dumps it on Capital Punishment. He starts stomping away on Cappy.)
GP - I don't know how to call this...
(Apollo is now coming out from under the ring. He has some barbed wire!!! a table!!! a ladder!!! The crowd is now going crazy!!! Apollo shoves the table into the ring... Apollo throws the barbed wire into the ring... Apollo puts the ladder in the ring. Now Apollo gets in the ring!!! HE HAS THE LADDER.. HE NAILS G-DOGG FROM BEHIND!!! G-Dogg goes down hard!!! Apollo drives the ladder down into G-Dogg's spine. G-Dogg howls out in pain. Apollo drives the ladder down into him again... More pain..)
GP - GAWD!!!
(Evan Levine is still out in the ring along with Rob Kestler, Psycho Jay, Zombie, and Billy Larson. Apollo sets his table up. He pulls G-Dogg up and sets him on the table... Apollo sets the barbed wire on top of G-Dogg. He sets the ladder up and starts climbing up the ladder!!! The crowd is going crazy!!! FROM THE BACK!!! FROM THE BACK!!! JAX STONE!!! JAX STONE!!! He runs out to the ring, slides into the ring... He shoves the ladder down!!! Apollo goes crashing down hard to the mat... Jax Stone sets the ladder back up... He climbs... HE JUMPS!!! DOWN ONTO THE BARBED WIRE!!! DOWN ONTO G-DOGG!!! DOWN ONTO THE TABLE!!! THE TABLE CRASHES... Jax Stone is out!!! G-Dogg is out!!! Both men are out!!! The crowd is chanting...ECW...ECW...ECW!!!)
GP - OH.. MY... GAWD!!!
(Johnny Shallow has stopped.. Wait.. We see blue lights... HE HAS BEEN PULLED OVER BY A POLICE OFFICER!!! The officer taps on his window. Shallow rolls his window down...)
Johnny Shallow - Yes officer?
Officer - You speedin' boy.
Johnny Shallow - Yes sir but I'm on...
Officer - Dudn't mattur whatchu on... You speedin' boy.
Johnny Shallow - Ok.. Ok.. How much is the ticket.. Ill pay you... just let me go right now... I got a story to cover.
Officer - What did i say to you?
Johnny Shallow - Ummm..?
Officer - I SAID YOU SPEEDIN' BOY!!!
Johnny Shallow - Yes sir.. but you see I'm a...
Officer - DUDN'T MATTUR WHATCHU ARE... YOU SPEEDIN' BOY!!!
Johnny Shallow - GIVE ME THE DAMN TICKET AND SHUT THE HELL UP...
Officer - I see how it is... You wanna fuck with the law... Then the law is gonna fuck with you... Pull'em down boy.
Johnny Shallow - WHAT?!?!
Officer - Ya pants... pull'em down...
Johnny Shallow - YOU FAG!!
(Shallow rolls his window up and speeds off.)
GP - WE HAVE YET ANOTHER FUGITIVE OF JUSTICE HERE IN THE IWO!!! MY GOD!!! WHAT A NIGHT!!!
JT - zzzz
GP - OH HELL!!! WHY NOT!!!
(GP drops to the table.)
GP - zzzz
(Apollo seems to have injured his leg from falling off the ladder.)
(The cameras cut to the back again... We see that Ken War has Capital Punishment on a forklift... He is driving the forklift at a rapid rate of speed headed right for a BRICK WALL!!! HE CRASHES INTO THE WALL!!! KEN WAR AND CAPITAL PUNISHMENT GO FLYING OFF OF THE FORKLIFT!!! MY GOD THEY HAVE TO BE INJURED!!!)
GP - zzzz
JT - zzzz
(NO CHANCE IN HELL!!!! Co-VP John makes his way out from the back. He has a microphone.)
John - Seeing as how this pay per view has broken apart... I guess I should come out here and restore some kind of order before our fans demand their money back. Here is the deal. February 7th... I hate having a pay per view lead into just a regular card.. but oh well.. Here's the deal... February 7th... MNM.. What will be called THE NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS... EVERY title is on the line... ONLY TITLE MATCHES will be on the card... Seeing as how two of the IWO's top stars... Zombie and Billy Larson, are suspended for that card... I've been getting a lot of heat from the both of them in regards to this huge MNM. They say it can't take place without them... So... I thought... and thought.. to myself... What can I do to change their attitudes? Simple... Right Now... As soon as they come around... They will face each other in a match... Where the winner will be put into the WORLD TITLE MATCH next Monday!!!
(The crowd cheers.)
John - However... The loser will be BANNED from the building February 7th. So one of them will be on the show... The other will be at home slapping sally. So guys... Pull yourselves up... And start the match... And to Apollo, Psycho Jay, and everyone else that was supposed to be in this main event... You idiots can't carry the show... If you manage to pin someone then you will be awarded the title of CONSPIRACY THEORY WINNER... Ok.. bye...
(John heads to the back.)
(GP pops up.)
GP - WHAT AN ANNOUNCEMENT!!! BY JOHN!!! This is incredible!!! We have two matches going now!!! WOW!!!
JT - zzzz
(Johnny Shallow is pulling into a Holiday Inn parking lot. He comes to a screeching hault and gets out of his vehicle. We see the Titan/?¿? limo parked there too. Shallow runs inside the Holiday Inn main entrance. We see some girl behind the desk.)
Shallow - What room are they in!?!?
Girl - Ummm... And you are?
Shallow - Titan... ?¿?... What room are they in?
Girl - Ummm... Crack, eh?
(Shallow runs up to the desk and grabs the girl by the shirt.)
Shallow - THIS IS MY STORY... WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY!?!?
Girl - I'm calling security!!!
(Just then cops swarm the Holiday Inn. They bust in and pull Shallow off of the girl. He is being taken away to jail. The cameraman pans down to the top of the desk. He sees a piece of paper that reads. "Room 69 Orders: 3 tacos, pay per view X, Champagne, Condoms, and Jelly." The camera runs out of the main office and heads up the stairs to room 69.)
GP - We gotta keep up with this!!!
(The cameraman gets to room 69. He knocks on the door. The door slowly opens. Some whore opened the door with big hooters. Just then we see Titan on one bed with a girl on top of him and we hear strange noise coming from the hot tub in the back part of the room. Titan stops the girl. He looks over at the camera.)
Titan - What the fuck? How did you find us?
Cameraman - We want some answers!!! Why are you and your main enemy together?
Titan - Who is gonna stop us when we are together? NO ONE... Now get the fuck out of the room... Damn it.
Cameraman - Are you leaving the IWO like some people say?
Titan - If I was leaving the IWO would I have even shown up tonight? Hello dumb ass... My contract lets me appear when and wherever I want to appear. So, NO, I'm not leaving the IWO. Just don't expect me around every f'n show. Same guys for ?¿?... NOW GET OUT!!! SHOW HIM OUT GIRLS!!!
(Two girls approach the cameraman. They are naked. They have chains... The cameraman turns and runs away.)
(The camera cuts back to the announcers' table where we see GP sitting up and JT still asleep.)
GP - I guess that answers that question.. But what about the question in the ring!?!? We apparently have two matches going on at once!!! I'm so f'n confused!!!
JT - zzzz
(Everyone is out of the ring magically except for Apollo, Psycho Jay, Evan Levine, Billy Larson, and Zombie.)
Psycho Jay and Apollo are teaming up to go after Evan Levine. Those are the three guys involved in the Conspiracy Theory Match. Evan Levine is now backed in the corner. He tries to come charging out!!! NO!!! Psycho Jay catches him... WAIT!!! Apollo clips Psycho Jay's knee!!! Psycho Jay goes down!!! He is clutching his knee. Apollo gets up and starts punching on both Evan Levine and Psycho Jay.
GP - I guess this is every man from himself!?!
(A huge ass cage is being lowered down from the ceiling. Apollo looks up and sees it. He gets out of the ring. He pulls Psycho Jay and Evan Levine out to the floor. Meanwhile, in the ring, Zombie and Billy Larson are brawling with each other. They don't notice the cage is lowering down over them. The cage even has a top on it!!! There will be no escape!!!)
GP - This is getting weird again!!!
JT - zzzz
GP - WAKE UP YOU ASSHOLE!!! LOOK WHAT IS GOING ON!!!
JT - HUH!?!? WHAT?!?! WHY IS THERE A CAGE?!?!
GP - You've missed a lot.
JT - DAMN IT!!!
Apollo picks Evan Levine up.. HE DROPS HIM DOWN ON THE RING STEPS!!! Evan Levine hits hard and yells out in pain. Apollo swings at Psycho Jay. Jay moves out of the way and catches Apollo with a hard clothesline. Psycho Jay is now looking around. He grabs a steel chair. He swings it.. DOWN across Apollo's knee.
Back in the ring the cage has lowered down, surrounding the entire ring. Larson and Zombie stop brawling and look around. They see their fate. Just then another device appears from the roof. It is some sort of metal?!!? IT IS TO ENCLOSE THE CAGE?!!?
GP - If that thing comes down we won't be able to see the two guys fight!??! What the hell is going on?
JT - I'm totally lost.
GP - WELL DONT START READING THIS LATE IN THE MATCH THEN YOU ASS HOLES.
The metal box is half-way down from the ceiling. Larson and Zombie are trying to get out of the cage. They are shaking the cage. Screaming for help... The metal box drops lower.. and lower... down over the top of the cage.. The lights are going out for Larson and Zombie. The box is all the way down.. It reaches the floor.. Almost taking off Apollo's leg on the outside of the ring.. Larson and Zombie are gone from sight. We can still hear faint yells from inside the "torture box". Men dressed in all black are now marching out down the isle?!?! They have what appears to be some sort of cable. They have a bunch of these cables. They make their way to the ring and hook the cables up to little holes in the huge metal box.
GP - UMMMM!?!?!?
JT - No clue...
GP - Let me count.. There are atleast a dozen of these men with cables hooking them up to this damn box thing... And the cables run all the way to the back!??! What is this!??! Where is Johnny Shallow when you need him. He would get us the story.
WHAT THE?!?! Someone is coming out from the back. He too is dressed in black. He is apparently in a wheel chair. He has some sort of mask covering his face. His face appears to be greenish!?!? He rolls out to the ring area. The 12 men dressed in black all gather in front of him. Their arms are crossed over their chest.. The man in the chair raises his right arm in the air. The 12 men raise their arms in the air... They drop to their knees. Psycho Jay, Apollo, and Evan Levine have not the slighest clue what the hell is going on. They've stopped fighting though... The man in the chair reveals a control panel like thing on his chair... He moves his hand slowly... He presses a button...
GP - This is freaking me out JT.
JT - Me too...
A larger man dressed in black appears from the back. He is carrying a fire hose?!?! A larger hole has opened up on the side of the metal box. The large man dressed in black places the fire hose into this hole. We can still hear Larson and Zombie screaming... The guy locks the hose into place... He backs away from the cage... The man in the chair points at the guy, he drops to his knees. The man in the chair apparently begins to speak...
Man in the Chair - Like all of god's creatures... These two must pay the ultimate price. Their ultimate price... DEATH...
GP - HUH?!?!
JT - WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO...
The man in the chair reveals a large red button. He drops his hand down onto it!!!! Water starts flowing from the hose into the enclosed ring. Zombie and Larson are now screaming even louder.
GP - NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THE HELL TO DO!?!?
From the back... Security Guards and Police Officers rush out. The 12 men in black are ordered to attack them.. A huge brawl begins behind the man in the chair... He starts laughing... He presses a lever and the water flow gets faster... and faster... Larson and Zombie yell louder and louder.. The man in the chair presses another button.. The lights in the arena go out.
GP - WHO HAS THIS KIND OF POWER?!?!
JT - No one that I know of...
(THE CABLES HOOKED TO THE CAGE BEGIN TO EMIT ELECTRICITY!!!!)
GP - HOLY SHIT!!! HE IS GOING TO FRY ZOMBIE AND BILLY LARSON!!
JT - WATER AND ELECTRICITY DONT MIX WELL!!!
GP - NO SHIT!!!
(The lights in the arena start flashing a bit. The big box is now shooting out sparks!!!)
GP - MY GOD!!! MY GOD!!!
(The man in the chair is laughing as Zombie and Larson are being fried inside the box.)
GP - HELP!!! SOMEONE HELP!!!
(The cage is now throwing sparks all over the arena. The fans are screaming and trying to run out of the building. The lights are still flickering.)
GP - WE GOTTA GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!
(All of a sudden the cage stops sparking... The lights come back on... EVERYONE that was dressed in BLACK and the man in the chair are GONE... The big metal box around the ring is still smoking. Apollo, Psycho Jay, and Evan Levine are out cold laying in the entrance way. Some refrees and IWO officials rush out...) (One of the refrees sees that Psycho Jay's arm is over Evan Levine.. He counts!?!? 1...2...3)
Winner of Conspiracy Theory - Psycho Jay
GP - WHY THE FUCK DOES THAT MATTER NOW?!? WHO CARES THAT HE WON THIS THING?!?! Billy Larson and Zombie are dead!!! MY GOD!!!
(Many of the IWO wrestlers come running out. They all seemed worried. One IWO official touches the metal box and it burns his hand!!! All of a sudden the metal box begins to rise up!!! Everyone backs away from it. The metal box slowly rises up to the ceiling where it came from. The cage is also going up with it. IWO officials and paramedics storm the ring... Water is rushing out into the arena. Many of the fans that were on the floor are nowhere to be seen. They all ran out of the arena. Billy Larson and Zombie are down... In the ring... Not moving... Their bodies are blood red. We hear IWO officials screaming.)
Jamie - GET SOME FUCKING HELP OUT HERE.. IM GONNA KILL THE MOTHERFUCKER THAT DID THIS...
(Some more paramedics rush out. They are all going to the aid of Zombie and Billy Larson. Just then on the TIT-RON the man in the chair appears.)
Man in the Chair - Jamie... John... Shaun... Dane... Look at all you all. So worried about your two stars. The IWO isn't safe. The Conspiracy is just starting. This is only the beginning of your end. Lets just call this a simple warning.
GP - WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? WHO IS THAT?
Man in the Chair - The pain will surround you all. You can not escape my wrath. My venegance... My REVENGE... The Revenge of the NIGHTMARE!!! *evil laughter*
GP - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!??! What is the Nightmare?
JT - I'm scared...
(Jamie is yelling up at the TIT-RON. Just then Zombie moves... HE PUTS HIS ARM OVER LARSON...1....2......3!!!!)
Winner and will receive a Title Shot - ZOMBIE
GP - WHO THE FUCK IS THAT REFREE?!?! WHY HAS HE COUNTED... HE HAS DONE IT TWICE NOW WHILE TWO MEN COULD BE DEAD!!!
JT - Well.. Apparently Zombie isn't dead. He moved.
(Jamie is demanding a microphone.)
Jamie - Fans.. We apologize for this. This wasn't supposed to happen... And hey ref... You're fired... You have no right to count these guys down in the middle of a life or death situation. I should kick your ass right now. And as for the guy in the chair or whatever... Whoever let him in the building is gonna pay. I will find out. And not only will that person pay.. but the man that did this... I swear to you.. We will hunt you down and destroy you. Now cut the live feed...
(The camera fades as the chared bodies of Billy Larson and Zombie receive medical attention.)
"I am not that dragon and you are not that warrior."
- Wondrous Mental Dragon