(Fireworks go off. "Revolver" by Rage Against The Machine plays.. The
clips from Ice Age II.. Project Duece winning Intercontenental Tag
the North American Title. Al Coholic winning the Extreme.. Ken War
for the Pacific Title..Dane Wilt winning the World Title.. Then the
crowd.."Titan RULEZ","New Champions! Twice the Fun")
GP:: Welcome everyone to Monday Night Meltdown! We are live from
JT:: THis is amazing! And i have a pair of these MIB glasses.. And you
Nikki:: Its out first event of the new year.. The new
MILLENNIUM!! And what a show this is going ot be.. Numerious titles are
GP:: High Flyer and Justin Shack in a cage match for the United states
title.. The Tag
Team Titles in a Hangmans Death Match..Project Duece and the champons.
JT:: We got our main event.. A War of Attrition Tag Team Match.. 5
All picked at
random.. That is going to be great..
Nikki:: Next we have Jax Stone and a mystery man.. But before that...
Stone beat Carter.. And we are in Atlanta home of John Rocker!
Jax Stone v Mystery Man
GP: Hello all of you! Welcome back to the IWO, Monday Night Meltdown!
we have for you tonight! Our main event is a sure Pay Per View match,
JT: Oh yeah! That match is going to be very fun.
Nikki: Also the United States title match, Shack looking to break
Flyer, that will be no easy task.
JT: "The King Of The Mid-Carders"....hehehe.
GP: Our next match is going to involve Jax Stone, and a mystery man I
Nikki: Don't no GP.
JT: You don't know anything.
["Living Dead Girl" by Rob Zombie blasts through out the arena as Jax
the isle smiling from ear to ear. He slides into the ring and raises
in the air]
GP: Who's the Mystery Man, wait Jax Stone's got the mic.
Jax Stone: Now, who the hell is this mystery man? Come on, bring you'r
and I'm gonna humilate you.
[Rowdy Pipers song plays through out the arena...]
GP: NO WAY! NO WAY!
[Suddenly the lights dim, and the spot lights go on the top of the
isle...then lights come
JT: OH MY GOD! IT'S FAT BASTARD! FAT BASTARD FROM AUSTIN POWERS!
Fat Bastard [In his acient]: Hey, Jax Stone. I'm higher in the food
chain...GET IN MY
Jax Stone: I ain't no baby!
Fat Bastard: Look at me....I'm dead sexy....[Squeezes his
Jax Stone: Bring You'r fat ass down here!
Fat Bastard: [While walking to the ring] Chiliiiiiiiii baby back ribs.
gonna eat you up!
[Fat bastard gets into the ring as the bell sounds, "DING DING DING"]
GP: Jax Stone pounding away on Fat Bastard! Lefts, and rights! Lefts,
tries to throw him to the ropes, but Fat Bastard bites him!
Fat Bastard: I told you I'm gonna eat you!
JT: He's right, he warned Stone!
Nikki: Fat Bastard with a fallaway slam!
JT: He can wrestle!
GP: Fat Bastard runs to the ropes, HE FLIPPED OVER THE ROPES! HAHAHA!
Fat Bastard: Ouch....my ass.
Nikki: Jax Stone connects a baseball slide! Fat Bastard falls into the
rail, and breaks
JT: He's trying to eat a fan!
GP: He better watch out, Stone's gotta' chair! [SMACK!] Across the
Fat Bastard into the ring. He's climbing the top rope, Fat Bastard up,
CHAIR SHOT FROM THE TOP! Fat Bastard is out cold! Jax Stone gets him
ELIMINATION! HE CONNECTED IT ON FAT BASTARD! COVER! 1.....2...
JT: KICK OUT FAT BASTARD COME ON!
Nikki: NOPE 3! JAX STONE IS VICTORIOUS!
["Living Dead Girl" by Rob Zombie blasts through out the arena as Jax
Stone:[Mimmicing Fat Bastard] Look at me, I was dead sexy...YOU WERE
GP: Stone stomps on Fat Bastards stomach.
JT: It's stuck! His foot's stuck!!!
Stone: Get the EMT's!
Nikki: Haha...the Emts are trying to get Stone's foot out!
GP: Hahaha, we have to take a break, we'll be back, don't touch that
4 Corners Match
Evan Levine v Dark Insanity v Da Bronx Bro v Cybercyclone
GP: Hey ladies, and gentlemen. This night has been crazy so far!! Now
it is a 4 corners match consisting of Evan Levine, Dark Insanity, Da
Cybercyclone, any picks?
JT: I think I'm going to go with Evan Levine. A rising superstar, he's
to pay the bills.
Nikki: I'm going with Cyber, a veteran.
GP: Well i think it's going to be a hell of a match! Lets get to it!
JT: Whoa whoa whoa....you have to pick. Me and Nikki picked, now you.
never picks Nikki?
Nikki: Yeah, pick now!
GP: [Sweating..] Uh uh uh....I'LL WIN! I AM! DAMNIT ME!
JT: Whoa, shouldn't have asked....
["Highway" by Lil' Troy blasts through out the arena as the lights dim
and Da Bronx
Bro walks out from the entrance way to the ring slowly with a grin
JT: He looks determined...
["Are You Ready?" by Creed roars through the arena as CyberCyclone
Nikki: You're lookin at the winner right there.
["Breathe" by Prodigy is heard as Dark Insanity walks to the ring
JT: AND HERE HE COMES...THE WINNER OF THE MATCH BEFORE IT EVEN
STARTS EVAN LEVINE!
GP: Wait! Evan from the crowd has a chair, and slides into the ring.
INSANITY into the corner! Cyber runs at DBB and clotheslines him! Evan
away on DI with rights and lefts! DI is falling into the turnbuckle.
grabs DBB, and
whips him into the ropes, huge boot to the face! Cyber grabs Evan,
Nikki: Cyber whips him into the turnbuckle, and follows with a huge
collapses. Dark Insanity runs at Da Bronx Bro, and is brawling with
just a big
brawl in the ring. Cyber throws Evan out of the ring, to the outside.
Insanity sets up
Da Bronx Bro on the top, HURRCANRADA TO THE OUTSIDE!!! GOOD GOD!
DARK INSANITY'S HEAD NAILED THE STEEL STEPS!! DARK INSANITY IS
GP: Cyber, and Evan brawling up the ramp way. Cyber throws him into the
Cyber runs, stun gun! Evan with a stun gun into the steel!! Evan grabs
him to the top of the isle, boot, PEDIGREE! Connected a pedigree!!!
the steel! My god!
JT: Dark Insanity has lost his mind. He's got Da Bronx Bro, and places
a table on
the outside. Slides into the ring. Hits the ropes, cartwheel, BACKFLIP
ROPES, CONNECTS DBB RIGHT THREW THE TABLE!! OH MY GOD!! WHATTA
FRIKIN MOVE! Da Bronx Bro is laid out!
Nikki: Evan Levine now grabs Cyber, and is dragging him back to the
him in. Reaches under the ring..OH NO! He pulls out the barbed wire
wrapping the ropes in barbed wire! You bastard!
JT: This could backfire!
GP: It sure as hell can JT. Cyber is weak getting up, and runs at Evan
him off the
apron! Evan nails the guard rail, and is laid out! Cyber climbing the
rope. He's set to
jump onto Evan! Wait! Dark Insanity, runs to Cyber, and hops onto the
brawling it out on the top turnbuckle! Dark Insanity low blowed by
LIFTS HIM ABOVE HIS HEAD LIKE A GORRILLA PRESS...WHAT THE HELL IS
Nikki: CYBER IS LOOKING TOWARDS THE OUTSIDE OF THE RING! NO NO
NO! CYBER THREW HIM INTO THE CROWD! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! DARK
INSANITY HIT THE CONCRETE THREW THE CROWD! MY GOD! THIS IS
NUTS! EVAN SHOOK THE ROPES, AND CYBER LANDS ON HIS NUTS!
JT: Evan climbing the turnbuckle, and picks up Cyber in a DVD position,
TOP ROPE! Cyber is out! Evan now picks up Cyber, and throws him into
wire! Cyber flips over the ropes in pain! Wait a minute! DBB now slides
almost Dead! He has a broom in hand, Evan has his back turned. DBB
THE BACK! NAILS HIM IN THE HEAD! Evan falls to the mat.
Nikki: Da Bronx Bro, now rapping barbed wire around Evans body, blood
from Evans face! Cyber is getting up slowly, he is getting into the
nails him with rights, and lefts. Picks him up, Hangman DDT! Whatta'
Cyber is out
like a light! Da Bronx Bro picks of Evan, and throws him into the
bounces out, towards DBB, boot, FACE BUSTER! Cover! 1....2...NO!
GP: Dark Insanity now climbing over the guard rail slowly, and falls to
floor. He is
hurt no doubt. In the ring Cyber is out. DBB picks up Evan, and throws
out of the
ring. Now DBB is stomping on Cyber. Picks him up, and sends him into
ducks the clothesline, turns DBB around, Stunner! DBB falls into the
Insanity on the apron now. Evan getting back into the ring, and now
Da Bronx Bro now getting in it. It's like a circle of brawling! Dark
on the top
rope, MOONSAULT! KNOCKS THEM ALL DOWN!
JT: Dark Insanity picks up Cyber, whips him into the ropes, boot,
Switchblade! Cyber is
out! Dark Insanity covers!
JT: Cyber is gone! MWAHAHA! Told you Nikki!
GP: Evan getting up slowly, and turns around Dark Insanity, Jaw
falls to the mat holding his jaw. Evan now picking up DBB, and delivers
up for the Pedigree....CONNECTS IT! Dark Insanity runs at Evan, boot,
JT: WAIT NO! HERE COMES AL COHOLIC!
Nikki: Get em Al!
GP: Al runs into the ring behind Evan, and turns him around! Evan is
shitless! He tries a right hand! Blocked! Al nails him with the Extreme
Title! Laid him out!
Al picks him up, HAPPY HOUR! HAPPY HOUR ON THE TITLE! Evan is out cold!
throws DBB on top of him.
JT: THIS ISN'T RIGHT!
GP: Evan is out!! I cannot believe it!!
Nikki: It's down to Da Bronx Bro, and Dark Insanity! The two
GP: Expect the unexpected!
JT: Shut up GP!
Nikki: Dark Insanity, and now Da Bronx Bro getting up slowly. There now
staring at each
other. Da Bronx Bro runs at Dark Insanity, boot, DDT! With force!! Dark
up, and rams DBB's head into the turnbuckle!
Bronx Bro falls down.
GP: Now Dark Insanity picks him up, and sends him into the ropes,
Da Bronx Bro rakes his eyes, and connects a low blow! Now Da Bronx Bro
POWERBOMB! Wait a minute! Picking him up again, POWERBOMB! Picking him
again, POWERBOMB! Once more? NO DVD!! MY GOD WHAT A COMBO! Dark
Insanity is out cold!
JT: This is crap! Where is Evan?!
Nikki: Elimanted idiot! Now Da Bronx Bro throws Dark Insanity into the
with a clothesline, Dark Insanity falls out onto the mat. Da Bronx Bro
reaches under the ring. Comes out with a crutch! How'd that get there?!
slides into the ring, and smiles. He's waiting for Dark Insanity to get
Up is Dark
Insanity, Da Bronx Bro winds up, NAILS HIM IN THE NECK! DAMN! Dark
FALLS TO THE MAT.
GP: Whatta' damn shot! Da Bronx is laughing his ass off. He picks up
slaps his right hand around the throat of Dark Insanity...lifts him
THE OUTSIDE! Damnit! Dark Insanity is laid out on the outside. Da Bronx
JT: Da Bronx Bro now slides out of the ring, and slides a table in. Da
around the ring to Dark Insanity. Picks him up, sends him into the
Insanity is now busted open on the forehead.
Nikki: Put some emotion damnit!
GP: Now Da Bronx Bro picks up Dark Insanity, and throws him into the
Bro in the ring as well. Picks up Dark Insanity, and throws him on the
Bro saying "That's it, it's over." Well lets see what he's going to do.
Nikki: Da Bronx Bro on the table as well, and is pounding on Dark
He's calling for something. Wait, Dark Insanity with power, INTO THE
BRONX BRO! HE'S BEEN BLINDED! BOOT, SWITCHBLADE THREW THE
GP: THE SWITCHBLADE!! (Stunner) THREW THE TABLE! DA BRONX BRO IS
OUT COLD! DARK INSANITY THROWS HIS HAND ON TOP OF DA BRONX
BRO'S CHEST! COVER!!! 1...........................2.................3!!
DING DING DING!!
GP: THE WINNER! DARK INSANITY! WHATTA' SHOW FOR DARK INSANITY!
JT: We have to cut to commercial, i have to puke!
GP- Well fans we are back!
JT- Whoopdefricken doo!
Nikki- JT, why do you always have to be such an asshole?
JT- HEY!! The bitch can swear!!!
GP- Our next match is a 3 on 1, Yes you heard it 3 on 1 match!!!!
JT- Gee, I wonder who is gonna win???
Nikki- Shut up
GP- We have Tony Davis vs Psycho Jay, Chris Davidson, and Seth Weiland,
otherwise known as the Wrecking Crew!!
JT- You could have called them that in the first place and saved us
Nikki- Some one is a little crabby tonight!!
JT- You would be too if you had not gotten layed in 6 months, oh wait,
would lay you??
GP- HAHAHA, lets send it down to the ring!
Announcer- Ladies and Gentlemen, our next match is a 3 on 1 handicap
match!!! Making their way down to the ring, here is The Wrecking Crew
(Fu*k Of by Kid Rock begins to play as the three men walk out to the
Announcer- And now here is To.......
(the announcer is cut off by the Tit-ron)
GP- LOOK!! Its McRae, Davis, Max, and Jax Stone!
McRae- Tony, you don't have to wrestle these bastards!! Its just Kyle's
of pissing you off!!!
Max- Lets go find that prick!!!
Stone- I'm 'bout!!!! Kick some ass Tony!!!
(Tit-ron turns off)
Announcer- As I was saying, making his way to the ring, the former IWO
American Champion..... here is TOOOOOOONNNNYYYYY
(Don Cartagena by Fat Joe begins to play and Davis walks out with a big
smile on his face)
GP- Davis walks into the ring and grabs a mic,
Davis- You bastards are in for a big surprise!!!
(Davis winks at one of them)
GP- WAIT!!!! Who did he just wink at??
Nikki- I think it was Jay
GP- I think it was Davidson!!!
JT- I think it was Nikki's cleavage, oh wait, WHAT CLEAVAGE!!!!
JT- DAMNIT WOMAN!!!
GP- There is more action up here than there is in the ring!!!
Nikki- Shut up you dickless homo!!!
(the booth is slient)
GP- Nikki, having a bad day??
Nikki- You want me to hurt you like I did JT?
JT- (whispering) Must be that time of the month!
JT- (rubbing his face) OR NOT!!
GP- The bell sounds and it starts with Davis and Weiland
JT- Well of course Davis starts!!! He has no damn partner!!!!
GP- Anyway......... Davis nails an elbow to the sternum of Seth, he
him to the ropes and nails a hurrancannranna!!!!
GP- NO! Jay with the save!
JT- That would have been pretty freaking embarassing!!!
Nikki- So would getting beat up by a woman!!
JT- Yeah it would.......................... uh oh
GP- Jay grabs Davis, suplex!!! That hurts, uh oh!!! He is setting Davis
the top, he is going for the superbomb right off the bat!!! But Davis
Jay, T-Bone Suplex from the top!!! WOW!!!!
GP- NO! Weiland with the save, Jay tags in Davidson. Davis and Davidson
JT- Their names are similar!!!!
Nikki- No shit Sherlock!
GP- Davis with an arm drag takedown into a cross arm breaker, but Chris
kicks out and nails a knee to the face!! He is signaling to Weiland,
gets a chair,
Nikki- Uh oh, Davis is in trouble
GP- WHAT THE HELL!!!!??? Weiland just took out the ref with that
All three men are beating on Davis and there is no one to stop it!!!!
WAIT!!! Davis is up on Seth's shoulders!!!! OOOOOOOOO THERE IS THE 7
DELAY!!!!! But there is no ref to count!!!
JT- WHAT A SHAME!!
Nikki- Shut up
GP- Jay is signaling for the superbomb!!! He has him up......... WHAT
THE.......... He just threw Davis onto the Wrecking Crew!!!!!!!!! Jay
beating on Davidson!!!!! Davis is nailing Weiland!!!! I can't believe
it!!!!! Jay has turned on his long time friends and allied with Tony
JT- And we care????
GP- The Wrecking Crew are down, Davis grabs a mic while Jay goes under
Davis- Thats right!!!!
(he looks at Seth and Chris)
Davis- Like I said, you were in for a surprise!!!
GP- He must have winked at Jay!!!!
JT- Ya think?
Nikki- Shut up
JT- Make m..... NEVERMIND
GP- LOOK!!!!! Jay has a sledgehammer!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! He just smashed
Wrecking Crew Members in the chest with the sledgehammer!!!! MY GOD!!!
is walking over to Davis
Davis- Tonight, Kilroy is formed!!!
(Davis high fives Jay)
Davis- That looked fun, gimme that sledgehammer and lets waste them
Jay- Ok, just a second...
GP- Jay is going under the ring again, OH NO!!! He has another sledge
GP- He hands Davis the one he beat the Wrecking Crew with,
Davis- What the hell??? This is plastic!!!!
Jay- I KNOW!!!!!!!
GP- OH MY GOD!!!!! JAY JUST NAILED DAVIS WITH A REAL SLEDGE
LORD, JAY JUST DOUBLECROSSED DAVIS!!!!! THE WRECKING CREW IS UP!!!
ALL BEATING ON DAVIS!!!
GP- From the back!!! Here comes Rob Kestler and Jake Mansfield!!! The
members of the Wrecking Crew are now beating on DAvis!!! HERE COMES
KYLE!!! HE HAS A MIC,
Kyle- Thats right Davis!!!! Don't fu*k with me!!!!!
GP- WAIT!!!!! ITS JAX, MAX, AND McRAE!!!!! THEY WERE LOOKING FOR
Jax and McRae have Kyle!!!!! Max is trying to help Davis but Jay nails
with a sledgehammer!!! Now they are all beating on Mad Max!!!! But look
Jax and McRae!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! Kyle just got a Heart Piercing Stake
McRae!!!! He is out cold!!!! OH NO!!!! Jax grabs Kyle, ELIMINATION ON
STEEL STEPS!!!!!! MY GOD KYLE IS BUSTED WIDE OPEN!!!
GP- Secutrity has finally got Jay and the Wrecking Crew out of the ring
medics are attending to Max and Davis!!!
GP- What a turn of events!!! We'll be right back!!!!! Psycho Jay:
mic. Thank you kindly. Now in case
what just happened, it can merely be described as the biggest and best
the history of the IWO! Tony Davis. TONY DAVIS. He comes back to the
whining and crying about how he deserves a title shot. Well Tony, the
deserve is exactly what you just got.....the living s*** kicked out of
running your mouth pal, unless you want another sledgehammer shot to
Chris Davidson: If you're wondering why we're together, then look
Look at the
IWO. It's more full of screw overs and jam jobs then ever! You're
at the most
talented wrestlers in the world today all standing together in one
unless we take a
stand then we'll never get anywhere around here.
Seth Weiland: That's right. Although I'm just here because my boys
come and I
just wanna have sex with numerous women and do lots of drugs, but
bloody pulps is always a plus.
Jake Mansfield: Jamie, you can keep putting all your money behind big
?¿?, but sooner or later you're gonna realize that we're the money
Rob Kestler: Nobody wants to see boring ass interviews that put
drive fans away. The fans want to see porno movies and midgets dressed
Psycho Jay: So now you all know where we're coming from and I hope
because all the fans know that blood, sex and gay cracks draw the
claiming to be better than your opponents and reciting your past
Conspiracy Theory, we are gonna take over. The World Title is gonna
to one of
the USUAL SUSPECTS!!!! HAVE A GREAT DAY:-)
(The newly formed stable the Usual Suspects make their way out of the
they get a
mixed reaction from the crowd.)
JT: The Usual Suspects? Yeah, that one's gonna last.
GP: I dunno, we'll have to see because these guys are an extremely
Nikki: Well they're gonna have some problems with Davis and the rest
group in the
JT: Damn straight.
GP: Well fans, next we have a HUGE US title match in a steel cage! It
High Flyer, against a man who is no stranger to the US title, two time
Nikki: Looks like it should be a big one.
JT: Not as big as your breasts!
GP: Now, that was just sloppy. I mean, come on JT. You can have better
JT: I'm sorry. My quality has been down lately.
JT: It happens.
Nikki: How is that effected by Y2K?
JT: It just is.
Nikki: Wait a second. We're talking about JT's quality of annoying me!
is up with
GP: Beats me. I was just going with the flow.
JT: What were we talking about again?
GP: The match!
Nikki: Oh yeah! This should be a big match.
JT: Not as big as your breasts!
Nikki: Well, I've got to go with High Flyer in this one. He's held the
for about three
months now. He may actually go after the record that ?¿? and Hostile
JT: Nikki you ignorant slut. Justin Shack will walk out of this thing
champion easily. I
mean, he's held the title two times already. How many times has High
held it? This is
his first reign. As far as his record, yes, I will grant him the fact
has held it for a
long time. However, when you look at it closely, you can see the
isn't nearly as high as those of ?¿? or Hostile Youth. I just see his
Nikki: That was a mouth full.
GP: Well, let's go to the ring!
Ring Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! IT IS NOW TIME FOR OUR US
TITLE, STEEL CAGE MATCH!
Ring Announcer: THE RULES ARE SIMPLE! THE FIRST MAN TO GET OUT OF
THE CAGE IS YOUR US CHAMPION! FIRST! COMING TO THE RING AT THIS
TIME! HE STANDS 6 FOOT EVEN AND WEIGHS A 204 POUNDS! HE IS THE
MASTER OF THE FLYING MOON SHOT! HE IS, YOUR UNITED STATES
CHAMPION! HIGH FLYER!
("Biggest and the Best" by Clawfinger starts as High Flyer makes his
the ring with
the US title. He looks pretty confident as he walks through the cage
belt to the ref who holds it in the air.)
Ring Announcer: NEXT! COMING TO THE RING! HE STANDS 6 FOOT 4 AND
WEIGHS A 248 POUNDS! HE IS THE MASTER OF SHACKED 4 LIFE AND
TONIGHT, COULD BECOME THE FIRST EVER THREE TIME US CHAMPION!
HE IS, "COPYCAT" JUSTIN SHACK!
("The Bum, Bum Song" by Tom Green starts as Justin Shack makes his way
He climbs through the door and gets into the cage.)
GP: HERE WE GO! The ref closes the door and both men tie up.
JT: Justin Shack grabs High Flyer. DDT to High Flyer nice move in this
Remember, High Flyer likes the high lying moves, and Justin Shack has
him on the
ground. If this thing turns into an air war, Shack has no chance of
Nikki: Shack pulls High Flyer up...puts him on his shoulders....DVD!
JT: Shack now darts toward the door. The ref starts to open it, but
High Flyer drop
kicks Shack into the unopened door!
Nikki: High Flyer goes to the top rope....Shack gets
GP: High Flyer grabs Shack by the legs......he pulls him under the
Nikki: Flyer runs into the ropes....jumps on the ropes......back flip
GP: High Flyer goes to the rop rope.....leg drop.......SHACK MOVES!
JT: Shack starts climbing up the cage....he's half way up.....High
grabs him from
behind....NECK BREAKER OFF THE CAGE ONTO SHACK!
Nikki: Nice move!
GP: High Flyer climbs up the cage......he's half way there....he's on
MOON SHOT (Moonsault) OFF THE CAGE! HE NAILED SHACK WITH IT!
Nikki: WAIT! He hit his knee on the landing! I think he may have broken
rolling around in pain!
JT: Well, Shack is taking advantage of this situation, and is starting
up. He staggers
over to the cage and starts to climb!
GP: Shack is half way there....he's on the top....he's starting to
Nikki: Shack fell back and has his boot stuck in the cage! He can't
JT: Inside the ring, High Flyer is staggering up! He's stumbling toward
cage door! The
ref opens it! High Flyer is getting out!
GP: MY GOD! SHACK'S BOOT CAME OFF AND HE CRASHED THROUGH A
Nikki: HE COULD BE OUT COLD!
JT: BUT HE WAS OUT FIRST! JUSTIN SHACK WINS! HE'S THE NEW US
GP: WHAT A WIN BY JUSTIN SHACK! LUCK AHD A SMALL PART IN IT, BUT
HE'LL MAKE A GOOD THREE TIME US CHAMP!
North American Title Match
Exx -c- v John "Vampire" McRae
GP:We've got the North American title on the line now folks!
JT:AHAHAHAHAHA! I think I know who Exx is...
JT:I know for a fact it's the first ever IWO World Champion Moonstone!
JT:Yeah Dane Wilt told me!
Nikki:Oh so your going to buy into his propaganda?
Nikki:Your an idiot...it's obviously...
GP:Let's go down to the ring!
Ring Announcer:The following match is set for one fall and is for the
Championship introduceing first the challenger accompanied to the ring
Vampress...here is John "Vampyre" McRae!
::John McRae comes to the ring.::
Ring Announcer:And his opponent the current North American champion
::"Dyers Eve" by Metallica plays as Exx comes to the ring.::
GP:The two lock up and Exx whips McRae into the ropes...clothesline by
McRae inside out. Exx picks him up and knee to the face! Now Exx nails
elbow to the back.
JT:AHAHAHAHA! Now Exx just threw McRae to the outside and Exx is up
dives off the top McRae nails Exx with a drop kick. Now McRae just
metal ring post!
GP:Now McRae is stomping on Exx McRae picks him up and nails him with
atomic drop. McRae goes up top....leg drop on Exx! Now nails him with
Nikki:McRae has Exx up again and twists his arm and nails him with a
McRae goes up top...
GP:McRae is up and so is Exx....MOON SAULT BY MCRAE AND HE'S GOING FOR
THE COVER....1.....2....NO! EXX KICKS OUT! MCRAE IS PISSED HIS ARGUEING
WITH THE REF!
Nikki:It was a bit of a slow count! Wait Exx is up and turns McRae
MARKINGS DDT! COVER 1...2....KICKOUT It's over NO ITS NOT!! Wait here
comes Billy Larson and Project Deuce and they are now kicking the crap
Whips him into the ropes OH! TOTAL ELIMINATION BY Project Duece...I
they call it but they just nailed him with it! Now they are spitting on
GP: McRae gets Exx up.. DDT! The pin! 1....2...3!! McRae is NEW US
gotta take a break!
Greg Parker: Hello everyone and welcome back to Monday Night Meltdown!
JT: We've got a sure to be great match coming up for you! HANGMANS
MATCH!! Which means blood and lots of it!
Nikki: The arrogant Project Duece, what, two days removed from winning
Intercontinental Tag Titles challenge the tag champions to this match?
GP: This is going to be violent, I can assure you of that. The rules
follows: no holds
barred, falls count anywhere in the building, but once you are pinned,
end. You have to stay down for the ten count.
JT: So that means it's gonna be alot of pin falls but you can put money
that this is
going to be a long, hard fought encounter.
GP: So here we go. Title for Title. Winners get the Tag Titles, losers
the I/C Tag
Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest, is a title
GP: That's Project Duece's specialty... gives them the advantage
Ring Announcer: Introducing first..
("The Ecstasy of Gold" by Metallica begins to play)
Ring Announcer: At a combined weight of 530 pounds, they are the
Angel!!! They are the current IWO Intercontinental Tag Team Champions
WOOORLD... Sefirosu... Deus... PROJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJECT
(All the lights in the arena go out and begin to flicker. When they
Duece is in the ring. The crowd is cheering them on.)
Ring Announcer: Introducing next..
("One Man Army: McCloud Edit" by Our Lady Peace begins to play)
Ring Announcer: He makes up 1/2 of the IWO World Tag Team Champions!
6"3' and weighing 204 pounds!! JOOOOOOOOOOOOORDAN HOWWWWIT!!
(Jordan Howitt makes his way out to resounding cheers.)
GP: The crowd has really warmed up to Jordan Howitt and the Prep Kids.
JT: Oh shut up. This announcer has some sort of speech problem!
Ring Announcer: And his tag team partner!
("Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by The Offspring begins to play)
Ring Announcer: He is 1/2 of the IWO World Tag Team Champions! Standing
weighing 237 pounds, he is BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAN DUDLEYYYYY!!!
(Brian Dudley makes his way out to boos and enters the ring.)
GP: All four men circling each other... cautiously..
*DING DING DING*
GP: Dues and Sefirosu double dropkick down Brian Dudley! Howitt runs
ducks, they come off the ropes and double clothesline Howitt!! Deus now
and tosses him out of the ring and follows himself! Sefirosu is just
Howitt. Sefirosu knocks Howitt down with a huge right hand and goes
runs and LEAPS OVER THE TOP WITH A SOMERSAULT PLANCHA ON BRIAN
JT: Can these two goofs actually win the tag titles?
Nikki: You better believe it JT!
GP: Jordan Howitt now up!! Project Duece and Brian Dudley up on the
HOWITT RUNS! LEAPS OVER THE TOP AND CORKSCREW MOONSAULT
TAKES OUT ALL FOUR MEN!! UNREAL!!! Jordan Howitt stands up and the fans
nuts! Howitt picks up Sefirosu and whips him HARD into the steel ring
JT: Absolute carnage!! How I love it!
Nikki: I'm scared one of these men is going to get hurt..
JT: ONE OF THEM!?!?
GP: Deus is now working over Brian Dudley! He picks him up by the hair
GOD!! WHIPS HIM AT TERMINAL VELOCITY INTO THE STEEL RING POST!!!
GOOD GOD!! BRIAN DUDLEY JUST SPIT TWO TEETH OUT!!! HIS NOSE IS
JT: WHOHOO!! WHOHOO!!
GP: Jordan Howitt isin't happy with that!! He picks up the ring steps
INTO SEFIROSU'S HEAD!! HE IS BUSTED OPEN!!! Jordan picks up Sefirosu
RAMS HIS BACK INTO THE RING STEPS!! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY BRUTAL!
Brian Dudley is trying to hold back all the blood!! Deus just punches
Deus pushes him down and goes and grabs a chair! Oh boy... Brian Dudley
AND DOWN HE GOES!! WHAT A SHOT!!
Nikki: This has got to stop!!
GP: Jordan tosses Sefirosu into the ring and he's got a table!! The
bug has bitten
Jordan Howitt! Howitt is in the ring and he sets up the table. Brian
punching Deus!! Dudley slings Deus' neck over the guardrail and slides
Sefirosu is trying to fight back Howitt but Dudley has that chair!!
ACROSS THE BACK!!
JT: All four of these men are going to end up in the emergency room
GP: Sefirosu has now been immobilized! Howitt is going to the top rope!
Dudley to the
opposite!! Deus is up!!! Deus is on the ring apron! DUDLEY AND HOWITT
LEAP!! DEUS SPRINGBOARDS OFF THE TOP ROPE AND MISSLE DROPKICKS
JORDAN HOWITT IN MIDAIR BUT BRIAN DUDLEY LEGDROPS SEFIROSU
THROUGH THE TABLE!! MY GOD IT LOOKS LIKE A TRAIN WRECK!!! MY
JT: THIS IS GREAT!
GP: Jordan Howitt may be unconcious after that missle dropkick right to
Dudley is going to cover Sefirosu but Deus pulls him off! Deus kicks
in the gut,
THE VOID (Stone Cold Stunner) ON BRIAN DUDLEY!!! HE COVERS BUT
HOWITT PULLS HIM OFF!! Sefirosu is getting up admist the table scraps.
falls back down in pain! Dudley and Howitt both up as Sefirosu is
DROPKICK!! DEUS UP! DOUBLE DROPKICK! They go out to the ring apron!
SPRINGBOARD OFF THE TOP! DOUBLE LOU THESZ PRESS ON DEUS AND
SEFIROSU!!! THEY ARE WAILING ON PROJECT DUECE!! WHAT TEAMWORK!
Nikki: This has been a rush from the start!
GP: Now Duece is somewhat concious! WAIT! DOUBLE LOW BLOW! Deus and
Sefirosu stand up! DOUBLE DDT!! Both go to opposite ropes! DOUBLE
SPRINGBOARD, DOUBLE ASAI MOONSAULT!! That is just amazing!! Sefirosu
up Jordan Howitt!! HE'S GOT HIM UP FOR A POWERBOMB! DEUS GRIPS THE
BACK OF HIS NECK!!! SITDOWN POWERBOMB NECKBREAKER
COMBINATION!! Sefirosu covers Howitt!! 1.....2....3!!
Ring Announcer: Jordan Howitt has 10 seconds to stand up!
GP: IF HOWITT DOESN'T STAND IT'S ALL OVER!! WE'LL HAVE NEW TAG
GP: Deus is holding back Dudley...
JT: HOWITT STANDS!! DAMMIT!
GP: Sefirosu meets Howitt with a stiff kick to the chest!! Howitt falls
gasping for air!
Brian Dudley dropkicks Sefirosu in the back of the head! Deus runs at
grips him, SPINEBUSTER!!! WOW!! Dudley covers Deus! 1....2.... and Deus
Howitt is standing!! Brian Dudley has Sefirosu up for a suplex! HOWITT
ROPE!! HOWITT JUMPS!! SUNSET IN BEVERLEY HILLS (Suplex/Cross Body
Block) ON SEFIROSU! HOWITT COVERS! 1....2....3!!!
Ring Announcer: Sefirosu has 10 seconds to stand up!!
GP: THEY CONNECTED THE SUNSET IN BEVERLEY HILLS!! WHAT A DAMN
JT: DAMMIT...8...GET UP!!
Nikki: HE STANDS AT EIGHT! UNBELIEVABLE! DEUS LOOKS RELIEVED!
GP: Sefirosu is barely on his feet but is on his feet nontheless! Deus
the chair! RIGHT
OVER BRIAN DUDLEY'S HEAD!! HOT DAMN HE IS BLEEDING LIKE HELL!!
HIS FACE IS COVERED IN CRIMSON! HOWITT TURNS AND GETS A SHOT AS
WELL! IT LOOKS LIKE HIS SKULL CAVED IN!!
JT: This has got to stop.. one of these guys is going to die!
GP: They don't care! This is for all the marbles!
Nikki: Such determination!!
GP: Deus jams the chair into Dudley's stomach, FACEBUSTER ONTO THE VERY
SAME CHAIR!! The ring is totally stained red from Brian Dudley's bloody
throws Jordan Howitt to the outside and they begin brawling down onto
Sefirosu grips Howitt, PILEDRIVER ONTO THE RAMP!! HIS HEAD IT SO
THE RAMP IS DENTED FOR GOD'S SAKE!! Sefirosu covers! 1....2... AND
HOWITT KICKS OUT!! Brian Dudley is trying to stop the blood but it is
profusely! Deus grabs Dudley and hits an overhead belly to belly
JT: Brian Dudley is REALLY juicing! His hair and face are covered with
GP: Howitt is making a comeback on the ramp! WAIT! THEY ARE BRAWLING
THE CROWD!!! THEY ARE IN NO MANS LAND BRAWLING!!! The crowd is
making room for the two gladiators! Sefirosu nails Howitt with a big
hand that stuns
him! Sefirosu grips Howitt from behind!! GRIEVER (Cobra Clutch Slam)
CONCRETE!!! MY GOD!!!! NO!!!! NO!!!! IT'S GOT TO BE OVER! COVER BY
SEFIROSU!! 1.....2.........3!! NO!! HOWITT KICKS OUT AT TWO AND TWENTY
SEVEN TWENTY EIGHTS!!
JT: 27/28's? What?
GP: Brian Dudley is annihilating Deus in the ring! He's got Deus from
GERMAN SUPLEX!! Dudley to the top rope! WHAT HEIGHT! FROG SPLASH!!!!
DUDLEY IS DOWN!! DEUS IS DOWN!!! IT'S COMPLETE CARNAGE!!! AND
SEFIROSU AND HOWITT ARE STILL BRAWLING IN THE CROWD!! THIS IS
ABSOLUTELY INSANE! Sefirosu and Howitt keep on brawling upward!! Deus
Brian Dudley, SIT DOWN PEDIGREE! Cover! 1....2.....3!! I CAN'T BELIEVE
DUDLEY MUST HAVE PASSED OUT FROM BLOOD LOSS!
Ring Announcer: Brian Dudley has ten seconds to stand up!
JT: And look!! His partner is in the crowd! Dudley is in no way
JT: HE'S UP!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! THE FANS ARE GOING CRAZY!!!! DEUS
HAS THE CHAIR!! RIGHT OVER DUDLEY'S HEAD!! THAT'S GOTTA DO IT! He
drops down and covers! 1...2.... AND DUDLEY KICKS OUT!! I CAN'T BELIEVE
WHAT I AM SEEING!
GP: In the crowd!! They are at the second level of the stadium! Brian
has the chair
now!! SLAMS IT OVER DEUS' HEAD SO HARD THE SEAT BREAKS OFF!!
DUDLEY HAS A GUITAR FROM UNDER THE RING!! BOOM!! DEUS IS
UNCONCIOUS!! Brian Dudley has a mic!
Brian Dudley: You know what.. SCREW THIS... Duece, I don't want to be
partner. I'm out of this match.. I'm bleeding like hell and I think I'm
to pass out from
it soon.. so take the tag belts... I can't take this anymore.. but we
GP: What a cowardly, cowardly man.
JT: BRIAN DUDLEY IS WALKING OUT ON JORDAN HOWITT! LOOK AT
HOWITT UP IN THE CROWD!! HE IS STUNNED!!!
Nikki: DUDLEY IS GONE!! INTO THE BACK!! HE'S OUT OF THIS MATCH!!! I
CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
GP: Deus is on the ramp setting up tables as Sefirosu works over
He's got two
stacked on top of each other. SEFIROSU LIFTS HOWITT UP IN A PRESS SLAM
POSISTION!!! NO!!! THEY ARE SO HIGH UP!!! HE TOSSES HIM!!
OHHHHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!
NO!!!!!!!!!!!! HOWITT GOES THRU THE TABLES AND CRASHES ONTO THE
RAMP!! I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!
JORDAN HOWITT IS BROKEN IN HALF!! JORDAN HOWITT'S BONES MUST
HAVE SHATTERED!!! HE IS LYING LIMP!! SEFIROSU IS MAKING HIS WAY
DOWN THE CROWD AND HE HOPS THE GUARDRAIL ONTO THE RAMP!!
SEFIROSU AND DEUS HUG!! JUST COVER HIM!!! SEFIROSU PICKS HOWITT
UP AND THROWS HIM INTOT HE RING!! THEY BOTH SLIDE IN! SEFIROSU
AND DUES TO OPPOSITE SIDES AS HOWITT IS STANDING!! THEY RUN!!
FALLEN ANGEL (Total Elimination) ON JORDAN HOWITT!!! MY GOD!! JORDAN
HOWITT HAS A FAMILY DAMMIT!!! HE HAS A FAMILY AND PROJECT DUECE
JT: HAHAHAHA! That's the funniest thing I've ever heard!
GP: I am absolutely disgusted with Brian Dudley.
Nikki: I can't believe this! Sefirosu picks Jordan Howitt up and puts
the top rope!
Sefirosu climbs up! PILEDRIVER OFF THE TOP ROPE!!! JORDAN HOWITT IS
GP: DEUS ON THE TOP ROPE WITH A CHAIR!! ARABIAN FACE BUSTER ON
HOWITT! Sefirosu has a pair of handcuffs and cuff's Howitt to the top
Deus has the
chair! HE IS JUST BEATING OVER HOWITT'S HEAD WITH THE CHAIR!!! OVER
AND OVER!! ABOUT A DOZEN SHOTS!! JORDAN HOWITT'S FACE IS
COMPLETRELY COVERED IN BLOOD!!
JT: Deus has a microphone!
Deus: We told you we'd dominate the IWO Tag Team division.. this is
BEGINNING!!! Bruisers, you want us? You got it. We'll destroy you just
destroyed Dudley and Howitt tonight. And Howitt.. (he grabs Howitt by
chin and yells
in his face) DON'T YOU EVER TALK SHIT ABOUT US AGAIN!!! YOU
GP: DEUS BACKS OFF AND SEFIROSU BREAKS A BAT OVER HOWITT'S
HEAD!! They uncuff Howitt. Sefirosu drops down and puts a pinky on
What a damn surprise.
Ring Announcer: Jordan Howitt has ten seconds to stand!
GP: Gee, I wonder if he'll get up.
JT: You never know!
*DING DING DING*
GP: What a joke.
Ring Announcer: Here are your winners... and, *NEW* IWO WORLD TAG TEAM
CHAMPIONS!! PROJECT DUEEEEEECE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JT: Sefirosu and Deus put the belts around their waists and both men
Sefirosu and Deus are going to the back with chairs!? IT'S THE BRUISERS
ROOM! THEY KNOCK THE DOOR DOWN! EMT's are working on Brian Dudley's
face! SEFIROSU AND DEUS GET THE EMT'S OUT OF THE WAY!!! SEFIROSU
CRACKS THE CHAIR OVER MICHAEL DUDLEY'S HEAD! DEUS HITS BRIAN IN
THE FACE!! DEUS PUTS BRIAN DUDLEY'S FACE IN THE CHAIR!! HE STOMPS
DOWN ON IT!!!!
GP: MY GOD!!! ARREST PROJECT DUECE!! THEY ARE BRUTAL!!
(Sefirosu looks into the camera)
JT:: Howitt and Dudley are IC Tag Champs!
BRian Dudley:: Take these titles! You and your Preppy selves.
JT:: Ok, now the Prep Kids are IC Tag Champions!
Semi-Macho Voice: CRAZY!
GP: What the hell is that?
Angel: Isn't that Britney Spears?
JT: Damn, Britney Spears is such a babe... What I would give to have a
night to do whatever I want to her...
Angel: JT, she just turned 18. That's WRONG!
GP: Hey guys, what the hell is going on here? The light are dimming,
turning red... Something's up, here.
Angel: Look, not one of the ten men in the ring has a CLUE what's going
JT: YEEEEEEEES!!!!!!! LOOK!!!!!! ABOVE THE RING!!!!!!! IT'S
LINDLEY!!!!!! AND SHE'S STRIPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS THE GREATEST
NIGHT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!
GP: What the hell is the meaning of this? Hey, wait a second, look up
at the entranceway... Isn't that John Smythe?
Angel: You're right, but all he's wearing is a trenchcoat... Oh no, it
JT: He's got the small penis, remember... He may be out to kill!
(John Smythe is standing underneath the IWO TIT-ron, as Britney Spear's
music video for "Crazy" plays above him. He holds a microphone, and
wears a tan trenchcoat.)
GP: He's not gonna sing for us, is he?
JT: WHO CARES?? LOOK AT LINDLEY!!!!! YEAH BABE, SHAKE THAT
Angel: Why do we work with him again?
John Smythe: Baby, I'm so into you, you got that something, what can I
do? Baby, you spin me around, the earth is moving, but I can't feel
the ground. Every time you look at me, my heart is jumping it's easy to
JT: HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! AND TO LINDLEY STRIPPING AT THAT!!
John Smythe: You Drive Me Crazy, I just can't see! I'm so excited I'm
in too deep! Oo~oh, Crazy, but it feels alright! Baby thinking of you
keeps me up all night!
GP: Nobody knows what's going on! Look at them! Dane Wilt is as
perplexed as we are! So is Kell, and Ken War, and everybody else!
Angel: Well, I think War's getting pretty pissed, look, he's decided to
take Smythe out...
JT: AND SMYTHE TAKE IT OUT!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! THIS IS HILARIOUS!
SMYTHE JUST WHIPPED HIS YOU KNOW WHAT OUT, AND KEN WAR TOOK
ONE LOOK AND PASSED
OUT! HE'S LYING THERE LIKE A DEAD DUCK!!! AND LOOK, ALL THE
THAT FRONT ROW THAT SAW IT ARE PASSED OUT AS WELL!!
John Smythe: Hey guys, I got a little present for you!
JT: Smythe going to the ring... He whips it out for everybody else!
And the entire ring full of wrestlers has been wiped clean by John
Smythe! Isn't this great Greg? Greg? Angel?
(Both commentators have been knocked out by the effects of the you know
JT: Hey, wait a second... How come I'm the only one that hasn't passed
out? OH MY GOD!!! Smythe got his you know what onto the TIT-ron, and
entire audience has passed out!! What the hell is the meaning behind
all of this??? AND LINDLEY... SHE'S NUDE!! AND I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT
CAN SEE IT!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
John Smythe: The time has arrived... Why am I doing this? Because I
can. JT, lucky for you, you're wearing those glasses. Guys, it's
JT: Me? Why me? And what guys is he referring to? What the hell does
Jax Stone have up his sleeve? OH MY GOD!! I SOUND LIKE GREG!!
("Don Cartagena" by Fat Joe hits the speakers.)
JT: And here comes... Wait a second, that's Davis's music! Is he
behind all of this??? And there he is! Tony Davis, standing under the
TIT-ron, wearing... An MIB suit? Complete with sunglasses! Just like
these!! What the hell IS this? Wait a second, JT, stop it! You have
a naked girl above the ring, focus on her!! Sh*t, I can't! I've got
to cover for GP! And that means I gotta act like him!! Of ALL the
times to strip Lindley, now sucks!! Okay, time to enter GP mode... OW
THIS HURTS!!! Oh well, gotta do it... Tony Davis is now standing
under the TIT-ron, arms folded in. And he's got a mic!
Davis: Guys, it's time. Come on out and lets do this. IT'S OUR TIME
("Crazy" by Britney Spears picks up once again, and the word "KILROY"
appears on the TIT-ron)
JT: Kilroy? What the hell is Kilroy? Hey, look! More MIB suits!
Wait a second... That's Mad Max! And John "Vampyre" McRae! Psycho
Jay! Jax Stone! They've even got Bat with them! And... WHAT THE
HELL IS THAT???? IT'S A... A PLUSH CAN OF NADS! TONY'S KEEPSAKE!!
AND IT'S MOVING!!!! THIS IS F*CKED UP!!!!!!!
Davis: I'd like you all to meet Kilroy! We have Psycho Jay, the IWO
Television Champ, one of the best guys in the business! Mad Max,
perhaps THE greatest unrecognized wretler in IWO HISTORY, with Bat!
Jax Stone, one of the true talents left in the sport, not only brings
us his abilities, but also John Smythe, our secret weapon! And don't
forget John "Vampyre" McRae, and sometimes Sean "Vampress" McRae, along
with their stripping mistress Lindley! And, of course, you have me and
my newfound friend. Everybody, I'd like you to met Poindexter, the
plush can of Nads! Watch out, he's temperamental!
Poindexter: Hey, who the hell are you calling temperamental?
JT: IT TALKS????????????
Davis: Haha, come on Poindexter, join everybody else, let's get this
JT: Oh boy, here they all come, towards the ring...
(All 8 men, including John Smythe, along with Bat and that plush can of
Nads are now in the ring, standing over the fallen wrestlers. McRae
climbs up and helps the now-naked Lindley out of the cage and into the
ring. They all stand there like Tony was, arms folded, a look of scorn
on their faces. The plush cans on Nads jumps up onto Tony's shoulder,
as he takes the mic to talk.)
Davis: Monday, January 3rd, 2000. Mark that on your calendar. This is
the day that you will remember for a LONG time! This is the day that
Kilroy was born! Yes, you heard me right. Kilroy. You see, each and
every one of us has been held back. We've been repressed. Why?
Because YOU people never took us seriously. NOBODY ever took us
seriously. And, because of it, we were never allowed to shine, never
allowed to do what we should be doing. And that's dominating this damn
fed. We ARE the talent. And, now that we're together, we will shine
above all others, and will take this fed to heights it's never been
JT: This is crazy! They're all crazy! This spells trouble for every
IWO superstar on the Roster!
Davis: Now, guys, I know you all have a little pent-up anger against
some of these guys now decimated in the middle of this ring. Go ahead,
release any pent-up frustration you may have. They can't fight back,
it's no big deal. John, I know you've been itching to get back at
Cappy. Now's your chance.
Vampyre: You know, you're right! Cappy, you're mine!
Vampyre: What now?
Vampress: Well, don't you think it's a bit silly to beat up on a poor,
Vampress: Oh, okay then... Continue...
JT: He's snapped! John McRae has snapped! He's picked Cappy up, low
blow! Brainbuster! McRae to the top rope, guillotine leg drop! He's
wasting NO time here! Cappy's back to his feet, Death Penatly! McRae
just used Cappy's own finishing maneuver on him! Jax Stone goes over
to pick Cappy up, Heart-Peircing Stake! McRae is going to kill this
man! And here comes security! I think they've had enough of this!
Davis: Hey Smythe, go do your stuff.
JT: John Smythe is on the ring apron... And he brings his you know
again! And security falls in a heap! They didn't even last a second
to Smythe's YOU KNOW WHAT Power! These guys are cleaning house here,
single person can stop them!
Stone: Hey guys, I found this in the back...
JT: LOOK!! IT'S DAN KORDIC!! Or, at least, one of his bones...
Stone: There's something wrong here... Bones are supposed to be white,
Jay: Yeah, why?
Stone: Because this thing is f'n brown!!
Vampyre: Sean, PLEASE tell me it wasn't you.
Vampress: Sorry John, but I couldn't resist... Just look at Kordic...
Look at his sleek, sexy body...
Vampyre: IT'S A F*CKING BONE!!!
Vampress: John, I'm ashamed at you... You know you're not allowed to
say that on TV!
Vampyre: But you with that bone!
Vampress: So? What's so wrong about that?
JT: Do they guys EVER stop arguing? Hey, it's Garrett Kosoy!
President Jamie's son! And he's trying to get the bone from Jax Stone!
He's got it! And he's licking it!!!!! This is sick!!!! Sick sick
sick!!! And the Split One is still in a scuffle with himself!
Davis: Hey, guys, stop the fighting. I'll give you all a little break.
I've got to go dig up a clip from Hostile Takeover last week, a clip
that was left off the air... Take a commercial, and I'll have it ready
when we get back!
JT: I guess we're going to commercial break! Don't go anywhere!!
Davis: Welcome back to our show! Yes, we have indeed taken things over
here, and for a good reason. Because we're tired of the sh*t, and
we're here to make a change. Now, as you all know, this man here, Dane
Wilt, has put me through a WHOLE lot of sh*t lately. All I wanted was
a World Title shot. No big deal. At least, not in my eyes. If he's
so big and bad, what's a title shot mean to him? Anyway, he gave me a
list of "things" I had to do by Hostile Takeover last Thursday, all of
which I accomplished. But, alas, it was cut out of the show. So, for
the ENTIRE WORLD to see, here is that missing Hostile Takeover clip!
GP: And welcome back to HT! We're all ready for...
(The sounds of "Don Cartagena" by Fat Joe hits the speakers, as Tony
Davis makes his way out, wearing the pink lingerie, along with pink and
yellow bunny slippers.)
GP: Oh my God, I can't believe we're going to have to watch this...
Nikki: This is pathetic...
JT: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This is great! This guy is so funny!!
Nikki: I'd expect you to laugh at someone like him... Don't you have
JT: I LOVE THIS!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
GP: Well, I guess I'll let Tony take it over from here... Tony Davis
folks, the joke of the IWO...
Davis: Thank you, thank you! I know you all just ADORE me so much, and
now that I'm finally here, I'll begin to earn my precious World Title
shot. You know, all I've ever wanted was to be on top. To be better
than everybody else. To be able to be cocky and have the gold to back
it up. Soon, that goal will be my reality. Because, finally, I will
be given the shot. And NOTHING will be able to stop me this time! So,
without further ado, let me start this thing!
(The theme from 2001: A Space Oddesy begins to play, as pretty lights
from every which way begin to shine. At the conclusion of the song,
the pretty lights go away, and the big bright lights in the ceiling
come back on, to reveal Tony standing in mid-ring, with a slightly
yellow piece of paper in his hands.)
Davis: Here, in my hands, I hold a piece of paper. Now, this is no
ordinary piece of paper, but a piece of paper that was not only signed
by the entire US Senate... NOT ONLY signed by Shaft, the President of
Zimbabwe... But also URINATED ON by Shaft! Do you all want to see a
clip of that happening? (Crowd screams "NO") Well, too bad! Roll it
on the TIT-ron!
President of Zimbabwe: I grew up in a poor family... We never learned
how to write.. Truly is sad, no?
Davis: DAMMIT!! LISTEN TO ME! TAKE THIS PAPER AND SCRIBBLE
ON IT!! GOD DAMN IT, JUST DO IT!!!
President of Zimbabwe: Um... Okay, I guess... Do you have any birch?
Davis: Birch? What for?
President of Zimbabwe: Well, here in Zimbabwe, we're too poor to afford
good materials... So we use birch. For everything. Birch to wipe our
ass. Birch to cover the old man's asses. Birch to clean our teeth.
Davis: SO THAT'S why your teeth are all so funky.
President of Zimbabwe: I guess. (The President smiles, and you can see
his yellow, rotting teeth hanging out. Disgusting.)
Davis: Well, hurry up and sign this.
President of Zimbabwe: Okay, I guess...
(Davis takes a pen out of his pocket and gives it to Shaft, who signs
that piece of paper the best he can do.)
President of Zimbabwe: There, is that acceptable?
Davis: Yeah, yeah... Now piss on it.
President of Zimbabwe: Parson me?
Davis: You know, urinate...
President of Zimbabwe: I have to?
Davis: Yes, you have to. Take it behind a tree or something.
President of Zimbabwe: Okay...
(Shaft walks away with the piece of paper signed by himself and the US
Senate, and positions himself behind a tree. You see him take the
pants down, and he does his business. FOR FIVE MINUTES!! When he
comes back, he's carrying a now yellow piece of paper, dripping with
urine. The look of disgust on Tony's face is just priceless. Shaft
offers the paper back to Tony.)
President of Zimbabwe: Here is what you have asked for. I hope you
luck in your tasks back in America.
(Davis doesn't want to take it, but knowing that it's the only way
he'll get that World Title shot, he braves it, grabs the paper, and
sticks it in his pocket. You can start to see a little ring of urine
where he put the paper.)
Davis: Thank you very much Mr. Shaft. Good luck with the ruling thing.
President of Zimbabwe: Yes?
Davis: I have something for you before you go...
(Davis runs off to the tree where he was sleeping before, and grabs one
of his containers of Nads. He runs back and hands it to Shaft.)
Davis: Here you go, a complimentary gift from me.
President of Zimbabwe: And what is this?
Davis: It's called Nads. It removes hair on your legs or chest. Try
it some day!
President of Zimbabwe: I may... Good luck Mr. Tony!
Davis: And good luck to you!
**End TIT-ron Replay**
Davis: And there you have it folks! My extreme efforts to do this part
are almost complete! Because, I wouldn't want to do this without all
of you here and at home watching. So, here she is, the master of
Voodoo, Mama Pazuko!!
("Voodoo Chile" by Jimi Hendrix picks up as Mama Pazuko makes her way
to the ring. In her hands are a red doll and a LONG needle.)
Davis: Thank you for joining us, Mama Pazuko.
Mama Pazuko: You're quite welcome, Mr. Tony. Now, where is this paper
I must curse?
Davis: Why, it's right here!
(Tony hands Mama Pazuko the paper, and she places it on the front side
of the doll. She does a few chants, as the lights turn down to a red
tint, but you cannot HEAR these chants, for the microphone is not at
her face. Before long, Mama Pazuko raises the needle high above her
head, and thrusts it into the paper and the doll. She hands this to
Mama Pazuko: Here you are, Mr. Tony. The paper will forever be cursed,
as long as it remains affixed to this Doll of Death here.
Davis: Thank you very much. Ladies and gentlemen, Mama Pazuko!
(Davis gives Mama Pazuko a hug, before she exits to "Voodoo Chile".)
Davis: Well, isn't that a relief? Finally out of the way, this first
part is! But, I don't want to leave you all unexcited! So, here comes
the next part. TO the sounds of Crimson Tide, I will RAP the
GP: This guy IS crazy!
Nikki: I really wish I had no part in this...
Davis: Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this
continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the
proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a
great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any other nation so
conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great
battle field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that
field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives
that the nation might live. It is all together fitting and proper that
we should do this.
Nikki: He's crazy!
Davis: But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate, we can not
consecrate, we can not hallow this ground. The brave men, living and
dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power
to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what
we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us
the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which
they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for
us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining for us, that from
these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which
they gave the last full measure of devotion, that we here highly
resolve, that these dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation
under God, shall have a new birth of freedom, and that the government
of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the
GP: I can't believe he just did that... It was horrible!
JT: But this is so funny! What else does he have in store for us??
Davis: Whew, that was exhausting! But, no matter, I have it finished,
and that's one more step toward my title shot! So, what's next, hmmm?
Let's look at the TIT-ron!
(The camera pans over to the TIT-ron, and on the screen flashes
"Memorize the seven dwarves")
Davis: Oh, that's right! The seven dwarves! Well, this is a
toughie... Lemme think...You've got Jamie... Oh no, wait, he's not
one of THE dwarves.. Well, lemme think... I know I remembered them
sometime... I got it! It's... Bashful, Doc, Dopey, Grumpy, Happy,
Sleepy, and Sneezy! Yes! I did it!! Woohoo!! Yay for me!!!!
GP: What a loon...
Davis: Good! That's done! What's next? Ooh, the Macarena!
("Macarena" by Los Del Rios begins to play. Boy, don't we remember
THIS from a while ago! Davis pulls a trash bag from his pocket and
places it over his head.)
Davis: There, now, all that's left is for me to dance it! (Describes
it as he does it) Hands down, hands up, on opposite shoulders, on back
of head, on opposite waits, on same waits, wiggle that waist, and turn!
(Davis does it a few more times before becoming dizzy and falling
Davis: Hehehehe, whoooho... What a trip! That's one good dance! Not
as good as Footloose, mind you, but still a great thing! What's next,
whats next... Damn, there's too many things to remember... And these
panties are giving me a wedgie! Arrrrgh!
(Again, we look back to the TIT-ron, and see "Battle of Gettysburg")
Davis: Ah, yes, the Battle of Gettysburg. What a great battle it was.
But, alas, it was WAY to long for me to re-enact here. So, I have
recorded a short re-enactment, which I shall narrate for you all. If
you'd once again return to the TIT-ron...
(Two men are standing in the middle of Central Park in New York. A big
sign behind them says "Gettysburg". One of them we recognize as Tony
Davis, and the other looks drunk and dirty.)
Davis: You can see two men there. The first one is me, I represent the
Union forces, while the bum I took off the streets will represent the
Confederates, those bastards. Anyway, the Confederates tried to make
an advance on the Union...
(The bum walks towards Tony.)
Davis: ...but Union forces met them and drove them back to Cemetery
(Tony waves his fist at the bum as he [The bum] walks backwards to a
sign that reads "Cemetery Hill".)
Davis: The Confederates didn't attack for a while, as they tried to
build up a good strategy...
(The bum runs behind a park bench, and stays there.)
Davis: ...but all the while, Union forces were positioning themselves
at Cemetery Ridge.
(Davis walks behind a large wall of Lego's, which are labeled "Cemetery
Davis: When the Confederates attacked again, the Union force met them
at Cemetery Ridge, and drove them away for good.
(Davis jumps out from behind the Lego wall, and "kills" the bum with a
Davis: Many consider this the turning point of the Civil War, but it
really was an easy fight.
**End TIT-ron Clip**
Davis: Wow, how emotional was that? Sent a tear to my eye... (Wipes
"tear" away) But, the most IMPORTANT fact here is that I'm ONE TASK
away from getting my well-deserved World Title shot!
JT: Here comes the song!! How great is this???
GP: Yeah, real great...
Davis: I know you all expected to hear "When I See an Elephant Fly".
But, unfortunately I can't perform that song tonight.
Davis: So, in it's place, I will sing a song that is near and dear to
(You can hear the faint sound of congas playing.)
Davis: Yes, it's time to get down to the COPACABANA!!
JT: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Davis: Here we go! Her name was Lola! She was a showgirl! With
yellow feathers in her hair! And her dress cut down to there! She
would meringue! And do the cha-cha! And while she tried to be a star,
Tony always tended bar, across the crowded floor! They worked from
eight till four! They were young and they had each other, who could
ask for more? At the Copa! Copacabana! The hottest spot north of
Havana! At the Copa! Copacabana! Music and passion were always the
fashion at the Copa!!! They fell in love...
JT: Hey, he's right! I remember that! That never aired? Wonder
why... We're taking another commercial break, and we're running out of
time! We'll hurry back!!
JT: We're almost out of time, and from what I've heard, the Executive
Board is getting pretty pissed at the carnage caused here at the hands
of Kilroy! During the commercial, Tony Davis pulled Dane Wilt to his
feet and threw him into a turnbuckle, while all of the other members of
Kilroy are just beating on these guys here. Look at the mistreatment
being caused to guys like Phelen Kell and Al Coholic! It's great!
You've gotta love this! And, best of all, LINDLEY IS STILL NAKED!!
HAHAHAHA!!! LOOK AT THOSE BREASTS OF HER!! THOSE SHAPELY
Damn it JT! You're in Greg mode! Remember that!!
Davis: Dane Wilt... My dear, dear friend... How sad it makes me feel
to look at you know, lying helpless on the ground, with no clue as to
what's happening above you. Almost like what you'll be feeling on
Friday. As I pummel you, and leave you unconscious, I'll laugh, as I
hold the World Title above my head, and you, once again, will be out
cold. Face it Dane. You don't deserve to be on top. YOU DON'T
DESERVE IT! You built your career on Phelen Kell. You rode on his
coat tails with that ridiculous thing you called Hostile Youth: 2nd
Coming, a slap in the face of Ashton Cain, one of the true greats. You
rode that ride to where you are now Wilt. You haven't earned ANY of
this. And now is the time to put you into your place. Now is the time
to send you back to the reality from which you have escaped. Wilt,
now's the time to destroy you. Or, more simply put, now's the time for
me to take your place atop this federation. Your reign of filth has
ended. The time for Kilroy is NOW! And Kilroy WILL be the force that
the IWO must fear. And do you know why Dane? Because we don't give a
shit. Forget authority. We'll do what we want, when we want to do it,
no matter how crazy you think we are. Because we have FUN doing it.
Something you seem to have lost. It's guys like you that bring guys
like us down. People want the serious guys. People want the guys who
are like you. And Kell. But they don't want the guys with managers
that flash their dick, or a man who loves his Nads. No, they don't
want us. And we always get pushed back to the bottom of the roster.
But Dane, this Friday, I will teach you to RESPECT us. Because I WILL
take that title from you. And then, you will finally realize what
you've been holding back your entire career. What you never let be.
And what is going to control your every move. I'll have you begging
for forgiveness Dane. I can't wait until that day where I am over you.
The fans won't believe, but who really cares about the fans anyway?
You won't believe it either. That a lowly nothing like me could ever
beat you. But I'm going to make it real Dane. I'm going to make it
real whether you like it or not.
("Jamie's Music" begins to play)
JT: Hey, it's Jamie! President Jamie has ventured his way out here,
and is looking to put an end to this! He's gonna get killed!
Jamie: Okay, look, I think you guys have proved your point. Now, I'm
sure we can come to some agreement here, can't we? Come on Tony, we've
known each other for years now. Can't you stop this?
Davis: No, Mr. President, we can't stop this. Because you've held us
down all this time. You've held us back, and prevented us from being
what we can be.
Jamie: Come on, you know that's not true.
Davis: Damn straight it is! I know you remember the FWL incident
Jamie. What were you then, Creative Consultant? VP? Whatever you
were, I remember what you did. With the 4x4. I'll never forget that
Jamie. You put such a hamper in my career... I'm still feeling the
effects of it TO THIS DAY! Do you know how much it hurts, to wake up
every morning, to feel a throbbing pain in your shoulder? All because
you're too good to be allowed to win? You screwed me Jamie, you
screwed me over, and now it's my time.
JT: Hey, look! Psycho Jay and Jax Stone have snuck up behind Jamie,
and they have him by the arms! Tony and Smythe get out of the ring...
Uh-oh! It don't look too good for Jamie!!
Jamie: Please, Tony, I KNOW we can work something out... Just let me
Davis: It's too late for that Jamie. It's too late for negotiations.
All that's left is for us to take the bull by the horns, to TAKE what
we deserve. What you won't give us. We'll make our own pushes, we'll
decide who wins what match. Because we can. And now, it's time for
you to join those pansies in the ring, from the power of the penis.
Smythe, do your worst!
Jamie: NOOOOO!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!
JT: And there it is again! The PENIS!!! And Jamie has been knocked
unconcious! But Jay and Jax still hold him by the arms! Tony's in his
Davis: How do you like it Jamie? How do you like being the one getting
screwed? How do you like being the one who has no control over his
life? Here, how do you like this??
JT: OH MY GOD!!!! DAVIS JUST DROPPED HIS PANTS AND IS RUBBING HIS
IN JAMIE'S FACE!! THAT'S DISGUSTING!! EVEN FOR ME!!!!!!!
Davis: Come on Jamie! Come on! Toss it!! Get some syrup and toss
Vampress: Hey Tony, after Jamie's done, do you think I can get a taste
Vampyre: Shut up man, we're sitting here and beating the hell out of
Cappy, got it?
Vampress: No, dammit! You always get what you want! It's my turn! MY
Vampyre: Look... On the way home, I'll get you something, okay?
Vampress: (Sigh) I guess... But it looks so good!!
JT:: Woah, I am awake!
GP:: I am back, everyone in the ring is back to normal and the match
Dan Hopkins looks down and sees his partner sitting at the announcers'
table. He shakes his head.
GP - Your partner is going to be pissed at you!!!
Billy Larson - Why??? This is anything goes... Single elimination... It
doesnt matter if I'm in the ring or not. He should just be worried
Justin Shack and King Sting have locked it up on the outside. King
slings Justin Shack into the guardrail. He yells out to the crowd.
Billy Larson - Good to see the ol' Stinger back in blonde!!!
King Sting goes running in on Justin Shack.. STINGER SPLASH!! STINGER
SPLASH!!! STINGER SPLASH!!! Shack is down!!! King Sting pulls him up..
picks him up..SLAM INTO THE RING STEPS!!! SLAM INTO THE RING STEPS!!!
GP - I don't think Justin Shack is going to last much longer.
JT - I don't think either man are worth a damn.
Phelen Kell is being pounded on by Dane Wilt. Wilt has the advantage.
pulls Kell up and rolls him back in the ring.
Nikki - That suicide dive by Justin Shack put Phelen Kell down. I
that hurt him.
Wilt pulls Kell up. He sets him up.. Piledriver down to the mat...
NO!!! Al Coholic makes the save?!?!
Billy Larson - Look at the goof. It is every man for himself and he
saved his partner. Isn't that just so f'n sweet? I think I'm gonna go
Dan Hopkins and Capital Punishment are going at it in the corner.
has Punishment against the corner and is punching away at him. WAIT!!
Punishment drops down to his knees.. LOW BLOW!! LOW BLOW!!! LOW BLOW!!!
BLOW ON HOPKINS!!! Hopkins stumbles back clutching his balls. Capital
Punishment charges in with a stiff clothesline. This sends Hopkins down
the mat. Cappy is celebrating!!!
GP - Your partner is down... This isn't good for you.
Billy Larson - AWWWW.. What do you want me to do? Go in the ring and
his nuts C.P.R?
Nikki - ewwwwww
Al Coholic and Dane Wilt are going at it. Al Coholic slings Dane Wilt
the top rope and to the floor!!! Al is going out after him. In the
Phelen Kell is slowly getting up. He is looking around. He sees Capital
Punishment pounding on Dan Hopkins.. Kell goes running over... He taps
on the shoulder.. Cappy turns around... PUNCH TO THE FACE!!! Cappy is
stumbling.. Another punch!!! Cappy is going back into the corner..
punch!!! Cappy's back is now against the corner... Phelen is giving the
signal to the crowd.. Everyone is cheering!!! He picks Capital
and sets him on the top rope... WAIT!!! On the outside of the ring. Al
Coholic sees what is going on.. He pulls a table out from under the
He sets the table up and yells up to Kell.. Kell looks down and sees
going on.. He has Capital Punishment... STEEL RAIN!!! STEEL RAIN!!!
RAIN THROUGH THE TABLE!!! OH MY GOD!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! Phelen Kell is
for a cover..1...2...3
Eliminated first - Capital Punishment
Billy Larson - I don't think that Capital Punishment will be moving for
while. Well... one down a few more idiots to go!!!
GP - And you are one of those idiots.
Billy Larson - I am not an idiot!! You are the idiot bitch!!!
GP - DONT SAY THAT!!! THATS NOT.....
Nikki - Not nice....
GP - YEAH!!!
Phelen Kell gets up and goes over to his partner. He gives him a thumbs
only to be clobbered from behind by Dan Hopkins.
Billy Larson - My partner made a miraculous recovery!!! I am in good
Nikki - Wuss....
JT - DONT CALL HIM THAT!!!
King Sting is still pounding away on Justin Shack. Shack's head has
busted open. King Sting has found a barbed wire baseball bat and is
Shack with it... Ken War and Chrome Thunder are brawling towards them
Chrome Thunder sees the bat and is asking King Sting for it.. WAIT!!!
LATE!!! Ken War has a chair and smacks Chrome Thunder in the back with
Chrome Thunder goes falling forward into King Sting. King Sting falls
floor with Chrome Thunder on top of him... Ken War continues to pound
Thunder in the back with the steel chair.
Billy Larson - I'm glad I'm not out there!!! This is dangerous!!!
Dane Wilt is slowly getting up... He looks around and starts running
the back!!! The world champion is running away!!! Meanwhile, Phelen
Al Coholic have turned the tables and are pounding away on Hopkins.
actually working as a team.
GP - Well, one team is smart!!!
Al Coholic pulls Dan Hopkins up and rolls him into the ring. Phelen
reaches under the ring and pulls out a ladder... He shoves the ladder
the ring.. Next he pulls out a table.. He puts that in the ring.
GP - Your partner is about to get killed out there!!! what are you
Billy Larson - I'm gonna watch and call the action!!!!
GP - Gutless coward....
Al Coholic sets the table up. He pulls Dan Hopkins up and sets him on
table.. Phelen Kell is going to the top rope... WAIT!!! WAIT!!! FROM
BACK!!!! DANE WILT!!! DANE WILT!!! HE HAS A KITCHEN SINK!!! A
SINK!!! He runs down to the ring... He reaches up and grabs Phelen's
shoves him off of the top rope down to the mat!!! He runs over.. HE
KEN WAR IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH THE SINK!!! War is down!!! Wilt
the sink and makes a quick cover!!! 1...2....3
Eliminated #2 - Ken War
Dane Wilt gets up immediately. He grabs his sink and goes over and
King Sting!!! AND CHROME THUNDER!!! And Justin Shack!!! The World
has gone crazy!!! With the kitchen sink!!! Wilt throws the sink in the
at Al Coholic... Al Coholic tries to catch it.. BUT HE CANT.. IT IS A
KITCHEN SINK!!! He drives into his fingers.. Possibly breaking his left
pinky... He yells out... The sink falls to the mat.. Wilt gets in the
ring... He kicks Al Coholic in the stomach.. FACE BUSTER!!! Al Coholic
down.. Dane Wilt is looking around. He sees Dan Hopkins on the table...
Billy Larson - HAHAHHAHAHA!!! Now it gets fun...
("Would?" by Alice in Chains from the upcoming CD "Titan's Greatest
begins to play. Titan makes his way out. The crowd is going crazy. He
walks down to the ring. Dane Wilt is a bit confused... Titan looks up
Dane Wilt... Flips him off but then heads over.. TO CHROME THUNDER!!!
CHROME THUNDER!!! He pulls Chrome Thunder up... He carries him up the
stairs.. WAIT!!! HE SETS HIM ON THE TOP ROPE... He looks down... He
the carnage and shakes his head... He goes back down to the floor and
King Sting and Justin Shack into the ring.. He then goes back to Chrome
Thunder.. He looks down at the table that Dan Hopkins is still on.. HE
THUNDER UP!!!! TITAN X-PRESS!!! TITAN X-PRESS!!! OH MY GOD!!! TITAN
THROUGH THE TABLE!!! THROUGH DAN HOPKINS!!!! Chrome Thunder is out!!!
Wilt exits the ring... Titan pulls Chrome Thunder off of Hopkins... He
on Thunder.. AND PULLS AL COHOLIC ON HIM!!! WHAT!!!! The refree has no
choice but to count...1...2...3.
Eliminated #3 - Chrome Thunder
Titan looks around.. He sees Billy Larson at ringside. He exits the
goes over and joins the announcers' table.
Billy Larson - Now that was entertainment!!!
Titan - Yes.. that was classic. Poor Chrome Thunder.. He will never
his lesson. Revenge is so sweet.
GP - You two make me sick. You think you can just run the damn show.
Titan - Actually I used to run the show. Remember when the ratings were
Justin Shack is now moving.. He sees Hopkins is down.. He crawls over..
puts his arm over Hopkins!!! 1...2....3!!!!
Eliminated 4th - Dan Hopkins
Titan - Looks like your partner is all washed up.
Billy Larson - Oh well... I knew he wouldn't win anyway. I carried the
(The refree is asking for a microphone.)
Titan - What does this idiot want?
GP - Hopefully it is something good...
The Refree - I'm sick of Billy Larson sitting on his ass outside the
Billy Larson - WHAT!?!?
The Refree - Therefore, if you don't get in the ring RIGHT NOW, I will
YOUR ASS out of the match!!!
Billy Larson - He can't do that!!!
Titan - NO!!!
The Refree - I'm gonna start the ten count now..
Billy Larson - I thought this was anything goes, no countouts.. He
this to me!!!
The Refree - ONE!!!
Billy Larson - NO!!!
The Refree - TWO!!!!
Titan - I guess he can do it...
The Refree - THREE!!!!
Titan - Yep.. he is...
(Larson gets up and runs to the ring. He gets in the ring.. AND KICKS
REFREE IN THE GROIN!!!)
Titan - Anything goes!!! HAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!
Larson pulls the refree up... HE THROWS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!! To the
floor!!! King Sting is slowly pulling himself up. He sees Larson.. HE
LARSON A CHOPBLOCK!!! He sends him down to the mat!!! He slowly gets up
tries to lock on a Scorpion Deathlock.. But here comes Al Coholic!!! Al
Coholic clotheslines King Sting off of Larson. Al Coholic jumps on King
Sting and starts punching away on him. King Sting is trying to cover
WAIT!!! Over comes Dane Wilt. He grabs Al Coholic from behind and pulls
up. Al Coholic turns around... PHELEN KELL!! PHELEN KELL!!! He just
piece of table into Dane Wilt's lower back!!! Wilt is down!! Wilt is
My god.. Wilt is down!!!
Justin Shack is getting up.. NO!!! NO!!!! LARSON IS GETTING UP!!! He
cowbell!!! HE NAILS JUSTIN SHACK WITH THE COWBELL!! Shack goes down
Larson locks on the Armageddon!!! SHACK IS TAPPING OUT!!! Shack is
The refree is calling for the bell!!!
Eliminated 5 - Justin Shack
JT - This is becoming just a sick brawl. I can't take much more.
Al Coholic starts laughing at Dane Wilt.. FROM BEHIND.. FROM BEHIND..
STING.. KING STING.. He nails him with his fists!! Oh my god!!! Al
is in deep shit now... Al Coholic goes stumbling down.. King Sting
AGAIN!!! This is getting wild!!! I can't believe what I'm seeing!!!
Sting is looking down at Al Coholic.. YES!!! YES!!! SCORPION DEATH
SCORPION DEATH LOCK!!! The refree CALLS FOR THE BELL!!!
Eliminated 6 - Al Coholic
GP - WHAT!!!!
JT - AL COHOLIC HAS BEEN SCREWED!!! This is Montreal all over again!!!
King Sting gets up and celebrates only to be smacked from behind by
SUMMER!!! Summer is in the ring.. King Sting turns around!!!! He starts
smile. He points to his groin!!! He is ordering Summer down on her
She begins to cry!!! King Sting grabs her by the hair.. WAIT!!! WAIT!!!
MY GOD!!!! Al Coholic is up and just clocked King Sting in the back of
head WITH A BOTTLE OF JACK DANIELS!!! King Sting goes down!!! King
down!!! MY GOD!!! Blood and Jack Daniels are all over the ring.. Billy
Larson runs over and makes a cover..1..2....3
Eliminated 7 - King Sting
Titan - We are down to three men!!! This is going to be awesome!!! I
JT - ME EITHER!!!
Nikki - You two are just too much, you know that?
JT - Too much what?
Nikki - Are you on crack?
JT - MY CRACK!!! MY CRACK!!! ON MY CRACK!!! HAHAHA!!! Bitch!!!
Crackpipe - LIAR!! LIAR!!! ASS BE ON FIRE!!!
Titan - LALALALLALALALA
GP - LOOK AT THE RING!!! IT IS A BLOODY MESS!!!
Billy Larson, Dane Wilt, and Phelen Kell are brawling with each other.
Larson smacks Kell on the top of the head. Kell pokes Wilt in the eyes.
smacks Larson. Larson messes up Wilt's hair. Kell grabs Larson by the
This is turning into a Three Stooges Marathon!!!
GP - I have lost my mind... I am going to play with some legos!!!
Nikki - I wanna build a big ass tower!!!
JT - CRACK!!!
Titan - NO!!!
GP - YEP!!!
Titan - FLUTES!!!
Billy Larson slings Dane Wilt in the ropes. Phelen Kell plasters Billy
Larson with a cast!!! Larson goes down!!! He starts pounding on Larson
the cast. Larson is defenseless!!! SUMMER IS IN THE RING!!! SUMMER IS
RING!!!! SUMMER IS IN THE RING!!! MY GOD!!! She jumps on Kell's back!!!
is clawing at his face!!! Kell tries to get her off!!! WAIT!! WILT!!!
WILT!!! WILT!!!! He runs over and nails Kell!!! Summer gets off of
back... Wilt runs over and picks Kell up!!! HE THROWS HIM OVER THE TOP
TO THE FLOOR!!! Summer starts laughing at Kell!!! Wilt goes over and
Larson up... He slings him in the corner!!! He charges in!!! He nails
hard!!! Larson falls face first to the mat!!! WAIT!! SUMMER!!!
takes off her right shoe!!! She is sneaking up behind Wilt!!! Wilt
around and sees whats going on!! He shakes his head at Summer... She
to back away.. NO!! SHE THROWS HER SHOE AT HIM!!! He laughs!!! She is
into the corner... She drops to the mat and starts begging Wilt not to
her... WAIT!!! Larson is getting up... BUT WILT KNOWS!! The World
turns around.... Larson swings.. Wilt catches his hand... WILT WITH A
BLOW!!! Larson doubles over.... DDT!!! DDT!!! DDT!!!! Wilt with a
Eliminated 8 - Billy Larson!!!
GP - Look who we are down too!!! This is unreal!!!! Wilt and Kell!!!
AGAIN!!! This is unreal!!!
Titan - These two suck...
Nikki - Our ratings are going up now!!! Especially if I do this...
(Camera pans down to Nikki. She removes her top exposing her breasts.
crowd goes crazy.)
JT - WOOOO!!!!
ON THE OUTSIDE!!! ON THE OUTSIDE!!! Kell has Summer's shoe!!! He is
like he is still hurt!!! Wilt is waiting for Kell to get back in the
Kell is hiding the shoe!!! He slowly gets in the ring.. Wilt comes over
grabs Kell by the head... NO!!! NO!!! NO!!! SHOE TO THE FACE!!! SHOE TO
FACE!!! Wilt goes down... Wilt goes down... Kell with a
Eliminated 9 - Dane Wilt
Your Winners - Phelen Kell and AL COHOLIC!!!!
GP - Phelen Kell just pinned Dane Wilt!!! That was paybacks!!! And Dane
is busted open from the shoe shot!!!
(Summer is getting up. She takes off her other shoe.. AND NAILS PHELEN
WITH IT!!! Both Kell and Wilt were TAKEN OUT BY A WOMAN!!!)
Titan - That's my cue!!!
[Titan gets in ring and gives Kell the Titan X-Press.]
Titan:: See ya at Hostile Takeover kiddies!
Monday Night Meltdown
"Hope you’re hungry! ‘Cause I got a Knuckle Sandwich... WITH YOUR NAME ON IT!"
- Lunchbox Larry