*The following is intended for a pay per view viewing audience. If you do not like Mature subject matters then please do not read*
(a heartbeat. "Internet Wrestling Organization" fades in and out on the screen.)
(again. This time, the words stay.)
(A bolt of lightning comes from the upper left corner of the screen, igniting the words into a firey blue blaze. They burn slowly, then fade away...)
("Born of a Broken Man" by Rage Against the Machine plays as the lights come on to a screaming- jam- packed- running- out- of- breathing- room- the- place- is- so- full Sundome in Tampa, Flordia. Fireworks go off like crazy as the Utter Obliteration logo is shown on the IWOtron. The song runs through, the fireworks run out, but the fans continue to shout and scream as our announcers, 'Big' Scott Weber (BSW), Angel, and JT sit in awe at the announce booth. Two or three minutes after the song has ended, the announcers get their first chance to speak.)
JT- HOLY SHIT.
Angel- IS HE ALLOWED TO CURSE?!
BSW- APPARANTLY SO!! THIS IS PAY PER VIEW AFTER ALL!!
JT- HOLY F*CKING SHIT.
Angel- AHA! THEY CENSORED THAT ONE!
BSW- WELCOME EVERYBODY TO TAMPA, FLORDIA!! WELCOME TO UTTER OBLITERATION '99!!
JT- HOLY F*CKING DOG SHIT.
Angel- WHY DO THEY CENSOR ONE WORD AND NOT THE NEXT?!
BSW- WE'VE GOT QUITE THE HISTORY MAKING CARD TONIGHT, LADIES AND GENTS!! WE'VE GOT EVERY SINGLE TITLE ON THE LINE!!
JT- HOLY F*CK-
Angel- WE GET THE F*CKING POINT!
JT- OK OK SHEESH!!
BSW- Things are calming down a bit finally...we can stop screaming. Whew. My voice is almost gone already. Anyway, we've got such a great lineup for you tonight, I can't even begin to describe it.
Angel- Phelen Kell's offical anniversary of joining the IWO is tonight!!
BSW- Speaking of Kell, he'll be facing Zombie tonight for the World gold!! What a match that'll be!! The title is hidden already somewhere within this arena...whoever finds it first is the winner and rightful champion.
JT- Kinda like a ladder match, but more fun.
Angel- Yup. Plus we've got our new IWO favorite, the Tickle Monster match!
BSW- And a Hanging Death Match...this night is jam packed!!!
JT- Well why the f*ck are we sitting here talking?! Let's get this show on the road!!
(Dyer's Eve by Metallica plays as Exx comes out....)
Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentleman welcome to Utter Obliteration!!! (the crowd pops.) Coming to the ring at this time, he is
6'5" and 270 pounds..he is...EXX!!!
(Ambitionz Az A Rydah by 2Pac plays....)
Ring Announcer: And his opponent, he is 6'10" 245 pounds, HE IS RUFF RYDA!!
BSW:WOW!! THIS CROWD IS READY FOR THIS FIRST MATCHUP!! The bell has sounded,
and Ruff Ryda charges at Exx, Exx ducks, Ruff turns around quickly..AND A
FACE SMASH OFF THE MAT!! Ruff quickly gets up and picks Exx up, throws him to
the ropes, AND A POWERBOMB ONTO EXX!! Exx gets up, and Ruff turns around
again...going for another powerbomb..BUT EXX REVERSES IT INTO A FLAT LINER,
AND RUFF RYDA IS DOWN!!
JT: Exx starts to attack Ruff Ryda, whips him to the ropes, AND A FLYING
DROP KICK ONTO RUFF RYDA!! Exx climbing the ropes, AND A FROG SPLASH!! THE
COVER...1..2..THRE!! NO!!! RUFF KICKED OUT!!
Angel: You can't go for a pin this early on, it really can't happen!!
JT: I agree Angel....Ruff is taking abuse from Exx, Exx is not gonna let
this man live!! Exx throws Ruff to the ropes, Exx bends over to get ready to
flip him, but RUFF KICKS HIM IN THE FACE, RUNS AGAINST THE ROPES, AND
CLOTHESLINES EXX RIGHT OUT OF THE RING!! Ruff will climb out after
him....Ruff hops down and GETS NAILED WITH A CHAIR!! AND AGAIN!! Exx picks up
Ruff Ryda and wires him towards the guard rail and Ruff will hit hard!! Exx
gets forced back into the ring, and he brings Ruff Ryda with him, he starts
to pound away on Ruff Ryda, but Ruff starts to fire back...
BSW: Ruff Ryda charges at Exx, AND A TAKE DOWN BY Ruff Ryda!! Ruff starts
to show off to the crowd, as the crowd screams!! Ruff goes to get Exx, AND
Exx WITH A KICK TO THE STOMACH..DDT!!! Exx now on top of Ruff Ryda pouding
away, picks him up quickly, wires him to the ropes, Ruff ducks, turns around,
AND FOLLOWS WITH A CLOHTESLINE!! Ruff quickly hops on the ropes...FROG SPLASH
BY Ruff Ryda!!..and the pin, HAHA..Ruff forgot you can't pin!! What a moron!!
Angel: Ruff Ryda now applies a head lock to Exx, Exx starts to pass out,
but Ruff punches him in the face to keep him awake!!
JT: CHINESE TORTURE!! Exx breaks the hold on throws Ruff to the ropes, AND A
POWER SLAM!! BOTH MEN ARE OUT COLD!! The ref starts to make the
BSW: Exx is getting up, and Ruff is still out cold,
6...7....8....9....TE.......RUFF GETS UP AND ROLLS EXX INTO A SMALL CRADLE,
THE PIN, and he forgot again!! He starts to get ready to hang Exx...he has
him on the table...puts the ropes around him, BUT EXX JUST SQUIRMS RIGHT OF
IT AND MOVES BACK, Ruff continues the attack, relentlessly...starts to pound
away, Ruff throws Exx into the corner, HERE HE COMES FOR A SPLASH...EXX
MOVED...STAMPEDE MOVED!! Exx just lays there in the corner as Ruff falls to
the ground...Exx, starting to gain a little energy, goes to the top
rope...AND HE GOING FOR A FROG SPLASH...AND..HE CONNECTS HE CONNECTED WITH
THE FROG SPLASH!!
JT: HANG HIM HANG HIM!!!! Exx stands up, places Ruff on the table, but he
can't reach the rope.. he jumps to get it AND RUFF CAUGHT HIM, AND A
POWERBOMB THROUGH THE TABLE!! both men are out of breath, and the referee for
this great action will start the 10 count ONCE again!! 1...2....3.....4!!
Ruff starting to move, Exx still knocked out....5....6....7.....Ruff Ryda is
on 1 knee to stop the count, starts to slowly pick up Exx..EXX WITH A LOW
BLOW!! Ruff goes down, Exx now taking the advantage, he now wires Ruff to the
ropes, AND HE THREW HIM SO HARD Ruff FLIPPED RIGHT OVER THE TOP ROPE!! Exx
waits for Ruff to stand up, AND HERE COMES Exx....OFF THE TOP ROPE, AND LANDS
ON RUFF RYDA!!! Both men on the outside of the ring...VERY tired!!
Angel: The ref starts the count, Exx is the first to get up, reaches over
the guard rail and picks up a steal chair, a dazed Ruff Ryda stands up,
ducks, kicks Exx in the gut, Exx drops the chair..DDT ON THE CHAIR!! EXX GOES
DOWN!! Both Ruff and Exx are out, I understand the ref is arguing with a
fan??? Please someone come in and stop this idiot!!
BSW: Both men starting to get up slowly, ref restarts the count,Exx the
first to his feet, climbs into the ring, and goes back out, the ref will once
again start the count, and Exx starts to beat on Ruff Ryda, both men taking
quite a beating, Exx throws..or shall I say whips Ruff to the steel stairs,
and EXX IS TAKING THE PADDING OFF!! HE IS GONNA HURT THIS MAN'S BACK!! HE
PICKS UP RUFF, RYDA REVERSES IT..AND A FLAT LINER BY RUFF RYDA!! EXX GOES
Angel: Ruff Ryda is going insane!! Ruff picks up Exx...POWERBOMB ON THE
CONCRETE!!! Ruff now takes the steel steps...OH NO!! DON'T DO THIS!! NO!!!
RUFF JUST POWERBOMB'S EXX ON THE STEEL STEPS!! EXX ROLLING ON HIS BACK IN
JT: Ruff rolls Exx back in the ring, and Ruff climbs in himself..
BSW: Ruff and Exx are now both in the ring, getting up slowly, Exx stands
up, goes for a clothesline, Ruff ducks, BACK BREAKER BY RUFF RYDA!!!!
JT: And Exx has been knocked out by Ruff Ryda. Exx gets up, Ruff runs
against the ropes, and hits with a leg drop!
Angel: Get up Exx!!
BSW: And Exx can hear the roar of the fans. He get's back to his feet- Ruff
Ryda going at him with a clothesline- BUT EXX REVERSES INTO AN ARMLOCK!
JT: Woah! That's the sort of talent that will get you to the top!
BSW: But Ruff Ryda has reached the ropes. Certainly he appears to be hell
bent on winning this one in front of this huge audience, which may I remind
you is the highest ever attendance at an indoor event in American history,
next to WWF's Wreslte Mania 15!
Angel: And very proud we are too!
BSW: Getting back to the match up, Ruff Ryda has Exx in a Sleeper. But Exx
manages to reverse it!
JT: The referee has to check the arms of Ruff Ryda. That's one fall. And
Angel: Oh no!
BSW: If his hand drops again then this grudge match is over already- it's
falling- BUT NO! Great inner strength!
JT: And Exx does not like how this match has been going. He throws Ruff into
the ropes. Ruff Ryda hit's his head hard against the turnbuckle, stumbles
backwards and into the arms of Exx. He lifts him up, over his head, holding
him then, looking around.
Angel: He's really milking this crowd, and he bodyslams Ryda into the ropes.
Going for a quick cover, and quickly remembers HE CAN'T PIN!!
JT: WOW!! This match is battle of the morons!!
BSW: Ruff Ryda now on the offensive, with a punishing roundhouse kick to the
midsection. He picks him up.....DDT!
JT: Certainly these two men know how to wrestle. Exx appears hurt on the
floor, and Ruff Ryda is not one to show any mercy. He attempts a figure four
leg lock, but he's got it all wrong, and Exx has been able to reverse the
attempt into a proper Figure Four!
Angel: Ruff Ryda struggles to reach the ropes.....and does! But Exx is not
breaking the hold! That's it Exx!!! Cheat to get ahead!
BSW: Well, in my book a true champion is one who doesn't cheat and Exx has
just disgraced himslef with that deception.
Angel: Shut up!
BSW: He's not braking the hold, Exx refuses to release the hold!
JT: The ref said he's gonna DQ him!
Angel: He's going to snap his leg! Man I love this game.
JT: But thank God the ref has now broken the lock. Ruff Ryda can't get up
though. He's still fully concious but his leg is badly damaged.
BSW: And Exx going to the top rope. He turns to the fans, they cheer, and he
launches himself into a moonsault onto the hurt RUFF RYDA!!!
Angel: And the fans are telling him to hang him...Exx decides to try do
JT: RUFF IMMEDIATELY SQUIRMS OUT!! HE IS VERY LUCKY!!
BSW: Well JT, when there's pride at stake you just fight through the pain
Angel: Right. Pain. How I love it. Anyway, both wrestlers now to their feet
and locking up......Ruff Ryda perhaps the stronger of the two, wins the tie
up and has his opponent in a piledriver position......BANG! That hurt!
BSW: Oh Angel make him stop! He's hurting Exx!!!
Angel: Don't worry man, I'm here.
BSW: Thanks man. Hey, what the hell am I doing? I could take you out!
JT: Well, we couldn't have a pay per view here without any of us getting
slapped, and there you have it. Ruff now running against the ropes, and an
elbow drop onto Exx. He tries to execute an anklelock. And he's got it!
Angel: You can see Exx can't take the pain on his face.....but he's dragging
himself to the ropes.
BSW: Well, that's weird, I'd just get up.
Angel: Shut up.
JT: Anyway, Exx uses his monentum to swing Ruff Ryda into the ropes, and he
pulls off a brilliant Frankensteiner! Into a cradle. But once again..he
forgets that HE CAN'T PIN!! WOW..WHAT A BUNCH OF IDIOTS!!
BSW: What the hell happened there?
JT: I'm just straining to see what's going on....Exx pulls Ruff Ryda up and
get's him into a Tombstone piledriver position....surely he wouldn't be that
Angel: He is! Drops him right on his head!
BSW: That was sick but necessary, I feel. And he still doesn't think Ruff
Ryda has suffered enough! Picks him up by his hair, and kicks him hard in
the private parts until he falls again. And Ruff Ryda, seemingly beaten just
seconds ago, has found a new strength!
JT: He rolls him into the ropes, kicks him in the crotch-my God he went for
the stone cold stunner!
Angel: And missed, might I add!
JT: Yes, he missed and ended up on the floor, but he's up now and kicking
Exx in his private area still. Exx bends down to cover the area....Ruff Ryda
grabs him.....Belly to Belly suplex!
BSW: And Ruff has a chair while the ref looks at Exx!
JT: No disqualification here I'm afraid, this could get ugly!
BSW: Exx goes for the chair shot......He misses and hits the ropes with the
chiar, and it bounced back and hit himself in the face! Exx rushes over to
the top-rope....and Ruff Ryda picks him up and Chokeslams him onto the
JT: Well, I don't think we'll be seeing anything else from him again. A fair
one on one now surely!
BSW: Exx up again, holding his neck after the chokeslam. He runs towards
him, but Ruff Ryda flips him over the top rope! He's fallen through the
German announcers table, and it's only the first match!! Now we got are
announce table, the Spanish Announce Table..the Japanese, and the African
Announce Tables left!!
JT: Yes, the IWO a truly global force these days. But people from all over
the world want to know what's going on in the IWO, although the Germans will
have a bit of trouble now, obviously.
Angel: Your rambling again mate.
JT: Sorry. Ruff Ryda recovers and get's himself back into the ring. He's met
by Exx who rolls him into the turnbuckle. Exx follows up with a Hurricanrana!
Ruff Ryda seems out of it! But what's this?
BSW: Exx sees the chair and turns the ref around so he don't see the chiar,
and he goes for Ruff Ryda, no, Ruff Ryda steals it and whacks Exx with it and
throws it out of the ring.
Angel: That cheatin'
JT: Save it for the courts! Ruff Ryda now on top!
BSW: And Ruff picking up Exx, rolls him into the ropes, now on the rebound
catches him and flips both himself and his opponent over into a cradle..and
he forgets for the third time that there is no pin, YOU MUST HANG YOUR
OPPONENT!! DUH!!! Ruff goes to hang Exx, he has Exx hoisted up in the air,
Exx is starting to kick, AND HE USES ALL HIS FORCE TO KNOCK OVER RUFF
RYDA..AND HE STARTS TO PUMMLE ON EXX!!
JT: Look, Exx pushes Ruff away....Exx sends Ryda off the ropes and takes him
down with a clothesline. Ruff Ryda quickly pops back up and body slams Exx to
the mat and then swings off the ropes hits Exx with a leg drop.
BSW: Ruff Ryda wants this match very badly!! Oh! Exx with a beautiful DDT
and Ryda is down.
Angel: Exx begins to stomp on Ruff Ryda. Now, Exx takes Ryda by the hair and
sends him over with a snap mare and then a kick to the back. Exx now takes
Ruff to his feet and sets him up for a suplex. Up and down with a
JT: Exx throws Ruff to the corner, AND HE HITS THE REF!! Exx now scurries to
help the ref, and Ruff Ryda goes for a steal chair, Ruff grabs the chair, AND
NAILS EXX!! AND AGAIN!! Ruff is going to go hang Exx, Exx squirming, AND HE
GETS OUT!! What determination by Exx! It shows in his eyes. He looks mad as
he takes Ruff Ryda. Kick to the gut...POWERBOMB!
BSW: Exx is taking Ruff Ryda to the corner. He places him on the Top
Angel: This is the most devastating move in wrestling..here it comes a
TOMBSTONE OFF THE TOP ROPE called The Barrior!
JT: And he connects, and Ruff lands on the outside, It looks like Exx is
headed to the outside! He just through three chairs into the ring! He's
headed towards the ramp... It looks like his going through that small space
between the crowd and the ramp. He grabbed a table! Here he comes! Here he
comes! He's setting the table up on the outside. Ruff seems to be getting to
his feet. He sees what Exx up to!
BSW: Ruff grabs a chair! Exx has his back turned setting up the table and
lining it up perfectly to the ring. Ruff climbs out the other side and he's
walking along the apron!! He winds up!
JT:My god! Ruff just cracked Exx across the back of the head! Exx is
collapsed over the table. Ruff jumps down from the apron and is setting Exx
on the table! Ruff Ryda hurries back into the ring, and climbs to the top
rope with a chair in his hand! He leaps..... NO!! NO!! MY GOD NO!! Exx moved
out of the way at the last second! I don't think Ruff knows where he is but
he managed to roll of the table and fall onto the floor just in a nick of
BSW: Both men are still out. The referee steps out of the ring and checks up
on Ruff Ryda after that monsterous fall. Both men are coming to their feet,
what stamina!! Exx sees the chair! He grabs it while the referee is helping
Ruff Ryda to his feet! Exx winds up and.. and... he hit the referee!!!! Ahh!!
The referee is out! The referee was just laid out! My god! And why? How? Ruff
Ryda what a bastard! I can't believe he did that! Exx is stunned that he hit
the referee! And that was a very hard hit!
JT: Folks, what just happened was Ruff Ryda pushed the referee into that
devastating chair shot. Ruff, after doing that, is now beating on Exx! Not
even checking if the referee is seriously injured... Unbelievable.
Angel: Just shows you how far Ruff Ryda will go just to win a match, huh?
Ruff continuing the punishment outside the ring! He throws Exx into the guard
rail very hard, Exx ends up in the crowd after that one. Ruff follows up by
climbing the guard rail and hitting Exx with a double axe handle to the face!
Ruff sends him back over and Exx falls to the floor and lays motionless.
JT: It looks like Ruff Ryda isn't finished yet. He grabs the top set of
steel stairs... No... He won't!! He did! Wow! Ruff nails Exx on the back with
the steel steps. Exx screams out in pain as Ruff grabs him the hair and
tosses him back into the ring. Wha-What's that? Oh no. Paramedics have come
down to ringside to take the referee out of here. They've brought down a
BSW: Ruff takes over with a slam. Ruff picks Exx up and gives him a whip to
JT: Did you see that Exx put his boot up into Ruff Ryda as he charged. Exx
is on the ground and Ruff Ryda is kicking him.
Angel: Oh no Ruff is takeing Exx to the outside once again...for the third
time tonight!! Ruff gives Exx a Piledriver, Exx is not gonna go down in this
match if you ask me. Oh my look at Ruff now he has got Exx in a camel
clutch!! Thats a rare move for Ruff Ryda if i do say so myself. he is up now
and they are still on the outside. Oh no Exx has got a chair. Ruff doesnt see
him. Oh god Exx just nailed Ruff Ryda with the chair. He is got it up under
Ruff's throat and chokeing him. The ref cant get Exx off. Exx just clocked
the ref. He wants none of this.
JT: Oh my god. Exx just through Ruff Ryda in the ring and is looking under
it for some more goods. Ruff is back to his feet. Oh baseball slide into Exx
and he and Ruff is down in the ring and Exx nailed his head on the barricades
on the outside. Ruff is on the apron.
BSW: Oh no Ruff with a elbow drop onto Exx who is out of it on the outside.
Ryda gets to his feet and puts a table in the ring. Both man are in and Ruff
seems to be in control. He has the table set up in the corner. Ryda picks up
Exx and drops him right on his back with a scoop slam. Ruff Ryda now puts Exx
on a the table. Exx goes to the top rope. Ruff with a splash from the top.
Did you see that Ruff Ryda is gainin a comeback!!!
BSW: Exx is one of the greats here in the sport. Ruff with a piledriver to
Exx and it looks like it hurt. Ruff Ryda has Exx back on his feet and tosses
him out of the ring. Ruff follows him out there!! This is where most the
action is going on. Ruff has Exx up in the air and just drops him over the
railing. Exx falls into the first row. The Ref is just letting them go on?
JT: Have you ever seen anything like this Angel?
Angel: Yes there was the match with......
JT: There answer was no Get it right stupid!!
Angel: No it wasnt. But lets get back to the match. Ruff and Exx are in the
third row. Exx with a back body drop onto the chairs. Ruff is hurt. Exx is
dragging rated to an open area in the crowd, oh no he has him up, Back
suplex, and Ruff is hurt very badly!! They make there way back to the ring...
JT: This is one hell of a opening match to Utter Obliteration!! Ruff is up
and gives Exx the boot to the stomach. Ryda with a DDT on the chairs. Ruff
Ryda is busted open!! This is terrible..wait... Ruff picks up Exx and gives
him a boot to the face. Exx is down again!!! Ruff Ryda has him up and rolls
him in the ring.
JT: Riff whips Exx against the rope.....Powerslam. Ruff nails a leg drop
but pops up into a splash. Exx grabs Ruff by the hair again and tosses him
into the turnbuckles... the hits the hits
1...2....3....4.....5....6....7.....8...9.. Oh no Exx just took Ryda down
with a spine buster. Both men are down.
BSW: Can you believe that there both down.
1....2....3....4...5...6...7....8. Ruff Ryda is on his knees and Exx is up,
Low blow from Ruff Ryda and it was intended. Ruff stands up and hits a
dragon screw DDT. That was amazing for a man that size to be taken down by
that move. Ruff goes over to the turnbuckles and climbs it. Oh my look at
this, Exx nails the ropes and rated falls on the top turnbuckle. Exx with a
superplex, Exx just stands around and waits for Ruff Ryda to get up..just so
he could catch his breath!! Ruff Ryda gets up it all depends now. They both
are on there feet. Exx nails Ruff Ryda with a forearm, and.. WOAH!! Exx hit
the tilt-a-whirl DDT.
JT: HERE COMES TYLER JOHNSON!! HE HAS A SHOVEL!! HE NAILS EXX!?!?!
BSW: Ruff Ryda gets up..and notices Ty, they go face to face, AND SHAKE
HANDS!! Tyler Johnson has a mic..
Tyler Johnson: Everyone..pTs is baaa....
JT: EXX JUST NAILED TYLER JOHNSON WITH THAT SHOVEL....RUF TURNS AROUND...AND
ETERNAL MARKINGS!! ETERNAL MARKINGS!!! EXX IS GOING TO GO HANG RUFF RYDA!!
AND....HE DOES!! EXX WINS!! EXX WINS!!
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner...EXX!!!
JT: WHAT A MATCH!! Ruff Ryda put 1 hell of a excellent showing, and now who
Angel: What we do know, is that pTs is back...Tyler Johnson and Ruff
Ryda..let's look for them in the next upcoming weeks!!
BSW: What a last match that was in the Texas Hanging Death Match!!
JT: Yes..Ruff Ryda put up a great fight!!
BSW: Yes he did JT, Now it's time for our second match of the night...it's
Dane Wilt vs The Foreign Legion for the I/C Tag Titles..in a handicapped
JT: WHAT IS HE THINKGING!! Especially against the calibar of the Foreign
Legion....well, Dane's music is playing, and here comes the CHALLENGER!!
Angel: And look, what else is new..HE HAS A MIC!! And he has 2 flags...the
Canadian, and the British Flags, what is this all about?!?!
Dane Wilt: Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to a Billion Dollar PPV!!! Tonight,
Chrome Thunder will dominate Justin Shack, to retain his Extreme Title, and
The Bruisers, well they will take care of "S3!!" HAHAA!!! Before I show you
the surprise, let's bring out those Foreign Greats, the Foreign Legion!!
(Foreign Legion Music plays and out they come...)
Dane Wilt: Alright, first off, you guys...are the greatest, I mean, do you
have any idea of how much I love Canada and Britain?? I mean, without you
guys, we would be dead...America would be nothing...AIN'T THAT RIGHT UNITED
STATES!?!?! C'mon U.S., let's here it for these hero's!!!!
(The crowd doesn't fall for it and starts to chant....BEAT HIS ASS...BEAT
Dane Wilt: Ahh..those aren't true American's, don't listen to them!! How
about this, I'll save you guys the trouble of losing those belts, and a
few..wait, shall I say TON of injuries, and we will go back, grab an
Encyclopedia, and look at how many times...The Britsh, and the Candians saved
our great American Asses?? What do you guys say?? Screw those unfaithful
Americans....c'mon..what's your answer??
Brother Al: Canuck...think he's lyin??
Crazy Canuck: Well, he did bring down Candian and British Flags!!
Brother Al: But look, he's a filthy American, what do we do to them??
Crazy Canuck: We whoop there asses!!!
Dane Wilt: Ok, I know you guys hate us Americans, but I'm no American, I was
born in....in....Zimbabwe!! Yeah.....Zimbabwe, that's it...So what's your
Brother Al & Crazy Canuck: SIT ON IT AND ROTATE!!!
BSW: OH!! Crazy Canuck with a hard left to Dane Wilt, and both the Foreign
Legion are taking out Dane Wilt, attacking him, they whip Dane to the
ropes...DOUBLE SUPLEX!! Canuck goes to the outside apron and it leaves
Brother Al will start things off for the I/C Tag Champions...
JT: Brother Al once again whips Dane to the ropes...goes for a clothesline,
Dane ducks...AND DANE JUMPS ON BROTHER AL AND STARTS DELIVERING LEFTS TO
BROTHER AL!! Dane now gets up, picks Brother Al up, locks up, knee to the
gut, Al bends over...GERMAN SUPLEX ON BROTHER AL!! The pin..1...2...THR NO!!!
Brother Al barely kicks out!!
Angel: Damnit...c'mon Ref..was that count regulation speed or what!?!?!
BSW: I know what you mean...I think..now Dane taking it to Brother Al,
applies a sleeper hold...and Al finds the ropes....Dane starts to argue with
the ref, while Brother Al tags in Crazy Canuck...Canuck climbs the top rope
and Brother Al ducks behind Dane....AND CANUCK JUMPS, DANE MOVES
BACK...CANUCK MISSES, BUT CANUCK ROLED HIM RIGHT INTO A PIN...1...2..THR!!
NO!! Dane BARELY kicks out, the ref remembers that Canuck tagged in, and
tells Al to leave or he's out of here!! Brother Al leaves and Dane cheap
shots a pre-occupied Crazy Canuck!!
JT: Dane now getting in the face of Brother Al, but Al just ignores him,
Dane turns around to continue the assault on Crazy Canuck..I wonder why Al
didn't hit him??
Angel: He knows better....
JT: I dunno...it's 2 on 1...
Angel: But look, you got Dane Wilt, he's like Bad LeRoy Brown!!!
BSW: Alright Beavis and Butthead, let's do some "color' commentary on this
JT & Angel: Sorry...
BSW: Ok, Dane still taking it to Crazy Canuck....ok..Dane's climbing
outside, has a garbage can with him, and some gasoline....
JT: Wonder what he's gonna do with that...maybe you should go in and help
BSW: No thanks...ok, Dane poors some gasoline in the garbage can, and on his
way out of the ropes again, hits a distracted Brother Al with the gasoline
tank, and hits a dazed Crazy Canuck, busting both men open....NO!! Don't do
Angel: YES!! DANE IS GONNA LIGHT THE CANADIAN AND BRITISH FLAGS ON FIRE!!
I'VE ALWAYS WAITED FOR THIS!!
JT: NO!! HE DID IT!! THE 2 FLAGS ARE ON FIRE!!
BSW: What an asshole!! Dane Wilt is an asshole, he just lit those 2
country's flags on fire!! Ok..wait a second here...here comes Crazy
Canuck...and HITS DANE WITH A CHAIR!! Now Canuck and Brother Al are both
trying to put the fire out, the fire goes partially out until Dane gets up
and hits both men with that same gasoline tank!! Dane continues to beat on
the Foreign Legion, relentlessly!!
Angel: Hey, I gotta rhyme..DANE HAS GONE INSANE!! HAHAHAHA
JT: HAHA!! GOOD ONE!!!
BSW: Yes, it was...Dane throws Crazy Canuck to the outside, and that will
leave none other then Brother Al in the ring to beat up on, Dane throws Al to
the ropes, DROP KICK!! Dane now doing something he rarely ever does..HE GOES
AND GRABS A STEAL CHAIR!! He times Brother Al perfectly and connects with a
chair shot to the back, he's now jabbing it into the side of Brother Al, AND
ONCE AGAIN OVER THE BACK!! He goes to do it again..LOOK WHO IT IS..IT'S CRAZY
CANUCK!!! CANUCK STEALS THE CHAIR FROM DANE AND...
BSW: DANE JUST GOT NAILED 2 TIMES IN A ROW BY CRAZY CANUCK!! Canuck for the
JT: The ref won't count cause Crazy Canuck is not the legal man!!! YES!!
Brother Al immediately goes over and pins Dane Wilt...1...2...THR!!
NO!!!Dane kicks out!! Dane kicks out!! A bloody and badly beaten Brother Al
starts the attack on Dane Wilt....Brother Al starts to pound and pound away
on the former Tag Team Champion...
Angel: Yes....Dane carried HY2 through all those title reigns, not Phelen
BSW: I don't know about that!!!
JT: I know...fool, Brother Al continues to take out Dane, whips Dane to the
ropes, and Dane ducks, and turns around, AND A DDT ON BROTHER AL!! Dane now
starting an attack on Brother Al, picks Al up, and throws him to the
ropes....the lift...BACK BREAKER!! Now picks him up again...and a
powerbomb!!! Dane going for the pin 1...2..THR!! NO!!! Brother Al kicked
out!! Dane can't belive it!! He is spazzing on the ref!! Brother Al taps
Dane on the shoulder, Dane turns around....
BSW: DANE JUST GOT NAILED WITH A CHAIR!! Now Canuck comes running into the
ring, they are both double teaming Genetic Perfection!! The both whip Dane to
the ropes, Dane ducks, AND A DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE ON THE FOREIGN LEGION!! ALL 3
MEN ARE DOWN!!! The ref starst the count....
Angel: Canuck is starting to get up....AND CANUCK IS UP!! BUT HE ISN'T THE
JT: I DON'T THINK EITHER OF THEM ARE GETTING UP!!!
BSW: GET UP!!! GET UP DAMNIT GET UP!!!
Angel: C'mon Dane, get up...GET UP!!
BSW: Dane gets up...AND CANUCK JUST HIT HIM WITH A STEAL CHAIR!! AND THE REF
NEVER SAW IT, HE STARTS TO COUNT...1...2...THR!!! NO!!! DANE KICKED OUT!!
THERE IS LOTS OF FIGHT LEFT IN THIS MAN!!
Angel: Yes there is!! Dane is my prediction to become the next IWO I/C Tag
Champion!! Just you all wait and see!! WOAH!! DANE GETS POWERBOMBED INTO THE
SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE!!
JT: AND IT'S ONLY THE 2ND MATCH!! HA HA!!
BSW: HAHA!! That is pretty funny!! Now Canuck really laying a beating on
Angel: Yeah yeah, but we all know who will be the winner of this match...
BSW: Well, if you had a brain, you would think it would be The Foreign
Legion, cause well...they got more people..IT'S A HANDICAPPED MATCH!!
BSW: It's 2 against 1..you know what, nevermind!! Now, they get thrown back
into the ring, and Canuck starts to pound on Dane, and Crazy Canuck starts
to Hyperextend Dane's leg!! A bloody Canuck get's up and starts showing off
to the crowd saying that this is the next IWO Tag Champions!!
JT: Canuck continues his assault, and calls in Brother Al into the ring,
they picks up Wilt, Wilt blocks it, Wilt now on his knees...
Angel: Not a good position!!
JT: WILT WITH A CHEAP SHOT ON AL, he turns around and A CLOTHESLINE FROM
Crazy Canuck!! Walker had it started, but is upended by a clothesline from
Crazy Canuck, now Canuck and Al both double teaming Dane Wilt, they throw him
to the ropes, AND THEY PICK UP WILT, AND A DUDLEY DEATH DROP ON DANE WILT!!
They pick up Wilt and throw him through the ropes, and start to beat on him,
Wilt, who starts to run away, seems to be limping..but from what??
Angel: I think it was from the move earlier that Canuck hyperextended his
BSW: Well that's his leg, I don't think it would affect his ankle!!
Angel: Sure it would...show's how much you know!!
BSW: Ok, whatever, this is the PPV, this is bigtime, no arguments, remember
what Jamie told us backstage??
Angel: We both get payed peanuts if we arg....
BSW: SHH!! Back to the match, finally they are back in the ring, Wilt STILL
limping locks up with Brother Al, Al puts Wilt in a headlock, AND SUPLEX'S
HIM TO THE MAT, the pin..1...2...THR NO!! KICKOUT By DANE WILT!!!! Wilt
stands up, he's getting ready to give him a cheap shot...AND HERE COMES CRAZY
CANUCK FROM THE OUTSIDE, AND NAILS WILT WITH A CHAIR, he quickly throws the
chair, and starts to kick Wilt, the ref pushes Canuck back and has his back
turned as the ref and Canuck are arguing, this causes Brother Al to use some
illegal objects...he grabs a chair, AND THE CROWD IS SCREAMING FOR HIM TO DO
Crowd: DO IT DO IT DO IT!! YEAY!!!
Angel: DON'T DO IT DON'T DO IT!!
JT: WOAH!! HE DID IT!! DANE GOES FLYING THROUGH THE ROPE WITH CANUCK
FOLLOWING, AL AND THE REF STILL ARGUING!!
BSW: Canuck continues his assault on Dane Wilt on the outside, and he has
him strangled in a cable wire!! This is painful stuff!! The ref see's Canuck
in the action and starts to tell him to let go, he finally does and IS GOING
FOR HIS FINISHER!!! The Top Rope Knee Smash!!
Angel: AND DANE BLOCKS IT, AND BOTH MEN ARE NOW LAYING THERE KNOCKED OUT!!
Dane now taking control, Dane starts to pummle Crazy Canuck, with quick lefts
and sharp rights, Canuck is dazed, he is just wobbling around, Dane comes
flying off the ropes into a bulldog!!! This one is over!! Dane goes for the
pin, 1...2...Kickout by Canuck!!
JT: Wilt is making ONE HELL OF A COMEBACK!! I think that he will walk out
of here the I/C Tag Champion if he could keep his comeback!!
BSW: You'd never know, this is the IWO, anything could happen here!!! Wilt
starts to beat on Canuck, Wilt is making one hell of a comeback!! And Brother
Al looking forward to taking him out!!
Angel: ONLY IF HE COULD GET IN THE RING...AWWW LOOK AT POOR OLE' BROTHER
BSW: Would you be quiet, and Dane is getting ready to finish this one....
Angel: NO!! Canuck reverses it, starts to throw punches, hits and hits
again, kicks him in the stomach, AND THE FAME-ASSER!! CANUCK IS GOING FOR THE
PIN...1..2..THR NO!!! Wilt barely kicks out, both men on the mat, the ref
starts the count...AND WHAT THE HELL IS WILT DOING!?!?! He is going over to
tag in Brother Al, but the funny thing is, only Canuck could do that, Canuck
tags in Brother Al, and Wilt tries to tag in someone, but noone there...
JT: CHEAP SHOT!!!
Angel: Wilt with a cheap shot on Brother Al, and the ROLL-UP PIN...1..2..THR
NO!!! Al BARELY kicks out, and Wilt gets up and starts yelling at the ref,
but...OH MY GOD..he is limping again, this man HAS to be faking!!
JT: Here comes Crazy Canuck to help double team Dane Wilt....Canuck is
standing there fighting with the ref, and Brother Al is gettin gready whipe
Wilt somewhere, he whips him to the same corner as the ref and Canuck...AND
THE REF MOVES AND DANE REVERSES IT, AND BOTH CANUCK AND BROTHER AL COLLIDE!!
Angel: Stupid Foreign Legion, how could you collide!?!?
JT: They aren't stupid, they just are...well they get confused at times!!
The ref states that Crazy Canuck isn't the legal man, and well Wilt comes
over, AND ROLLS UP BROTHER AL for the pin...1..2..THRE NO!!! THE FOREIGN
LEGION IS NOT GONNA GIVE UP ON THIS MAN!!
Angel: YEAH!! C'mon Wilt...look at him, that is why he is getting beat, he
is limping for cryin out loud!! He will still win this match anyways...with
BSW: IT DON'T MEAN JACK SHIT!!
Angel: Sure it does!! Eat shit and die!!!
JT: YO!! Don't you 2 remember what Jamie said!!! Now we might get fired!!!
Angel: Sorry...didn't mean it...*chuckling*
JT: Dane starts to attack Brother Al, whips Al to the corner, and goes for a
splash, BU AL MOVES!! And A REVERSE DDT!!! WILT GOES DOWN!! NOW CANUCK COMES
IN THE RING, THEY START TO POUND AWAY ON DANE WILT....THE STAND WILT UP...AND
THEY BRING IN THE BELTS, AND THEY NAIL WILT WITH THE I/C TAG BELTS!! WILT IS
OUT!! THE FOREIGN LEGION STARTS TO SHOW OFF TO THE CROWD!!
BSW: And hey! Here comes Exx, he measures up Canuck, ETERNAL MARKINGS!!
CANUCK FALLS RIGHT BACK INTO THE REF KNOCKING HIM OUT!! TURNS AROUND BROTHER
AL..ETERNAL MARKINGS ON HIM!! BOTH FOREIGN LEGION MEMBERS ARE OUT COLD, HE
PLACES WILT ON BOTH MEN, AND WAKES UP THE REF, AND QUICKLY RUNS BACK TO THE
BACK LOCKER ROOM, BUT TURNS AROUND....1.....2.....3!!!
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner..AND NEWWWW IWO I/C TAG CHAMPION....DANE
Angel: I TOLD YOU SO!!!
JT: Yes, we were both right Angel....
BSW: Well, I don't care...but anway...FOLKS, WE GOT A NEW I/C TAG
CHAMPION...OUR NEXT MATCHUP IS DAN HOPKINS VS
PSYCHO JAY FOR THE TELEVISION TITLE!!
Angel: Well this is going to be a exciting match up. These two competotors
are going to be steping into the ring and putting on another good match for
JT: Not only will these two step into the ring for another good match, it
will be for the IWO Television title!
BSW: Well we all now that Psycho Jay is a damn good wrestler, but will it be
enough to over come Dan Hopkins.
Angel: Well guys, I think Jay has come prepared and ready for this match.The
Moster Tickle match on the recent Hostile Takeover may have just been a tune
JT: Yea, he is probably ready, and prepared, the question is did he train for
BSW: Well we all know Psycho Jay and he isn't stupid, he is prepared and I
will bet my job on that.
JT: Well, how about the rules of this match. It's just a regular singles
match for the TV Title, but I'll bet my last dime, this will get extreme!
Angel: Well lets go to the ring.
(The announcer stands in the middle of the ring.)
Announcer: This match is scheduled for one fall. It is also for the IWO
Television title belt.
(The lights start to dim and the music of Dan Hopkins plays over the speakers
and the smoke fills the entrance way. He appears at the top of the aisle.)
Announcer: First making his way to the ring. He weights in at 256 pounds and
stands at 6 foot 3 inches. He is the current IWO Television
(Hopkins makes is way up the steps of the ring. He raises his hands and the
lights come on. He slowly gets into the ring.)
JT: That's my pick, Dan Hopkins!
Angel: You're crazy!
JT: No I ain't. You watch him win! Man, Even Nikki is better than you!
Although, you're not too bad in the chest and stuff...
JT: Oww!! Can't I at least see 'em or touch 'em?!
JT: Damnit! I take that as a no.
("Divine" by KoRn plays over the speaks and the fireworks erupt over the
speaker. Psycho Jay makes his way down to the ring. The fans are cheering and
booing at the same time. The fireworks continue to go off.)
Announcer: Making his way down to the ring. He weights 323 pounds, He is the
master of the Superbomb, he is Psycho Jayyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!
(Psycho Jay climbs up on the apron and climbs into the ring. He climbs the
turnbuckle and looks out to the fans. The fans go wild as Hopkins looks at
Psycho Jay from his corner.)
Angel: Psycho Jay looks ready!
JT: Well, we will see if Psycho Jay can defeat The GOOD Boy.
BSW: Psycho Jay is testing out the ropes.
Angel: There is the bell.
BSW: The two men walk to the center of the ring. Look at the eyes on Hopkins.
Angel: Jay is not backing down though.
Jt: Hopkins takes a swing.
BSW: Psycho Jay blocks and hits Hopkins. Jay and Dan are going at it head to
head. Jay grabs Hopkins' arm and whips him into the corner. Dan Hopkins
rebounds off the ropes with a flying shoulder block and knocks Psycho Jay
Angel: Psycho Jay gets up and looks amazed at the ability of Dan Hopkins.
JT: Hopkins is a pretty big man but don't let that fool you. This guy can do
BSW: Psycho Jay circles Dan. They lock up. A knee to the midsection by Psycho
Jay. Pummeling forearms to the back. Jay goes down to one knee. The GOOD Boy
brings him back to his feet by a handful of hair. He throws Jay to the ropes
and tries a clotheline. Psycho Jay ducks it and rebounds from the ropes with
a cross body block. Hopkins cathes him in mid air.
JT: Oh! Perfect position for a tombstone piledriver!!!
BSW: No, he does a powerslam with tremendous force. Jay arches his back and
looks to be in some serious pain. Hopkins rises back to his feet. He picks up
Psycho Jay by his hair and throws him through the middle rope to the outside
floor. Psycho Jay climbs out of the ring. Jay gets back to his feet. Hopkins
with a right hand.
Angel: No! Psycho Jay blocked and he is coming back with a fury of right
hands that are connecting to the head of Dan Hopkins. He grabs him by the arm
and throws him into the gaurd rail.
JT: Hopkins simply refuses to go down. He starts walking back towards Psycho
Angel: Jay can't believe that didn't take the big man down.
BSW: Psycho Jay picks him up. Scoop slam on the concrete floor.
JT: That had to hurt.
BSW: Look at that! Hopkins rises back to his feet.
JT: I told you! Psycho Jay can't beat him. Hopkins tear his head off. Get
BSW: Be quite JT. Psycho Jay is the franchise he will get the victory. Just
listen to the fans. He will not let them down.
Angel: Dan Hopkins delivers a kick to the stomach. Psycho Jay bends over in
pain. Well guys it seems to be a little problem in the back. I will be back
BSW: Hopkins grabs him and throws him over the gaurd rail into the audience.
The fans are slapping Psycho Jay on the back as he lies on the floor. Hopkins
steps over the gaurd rail. He starts kicking Jay in the head.
JT: There is no forgiveness there. That's a concrete floor. That should bust
him open. Get him Hopkins!
BSW: Hopkins picks him up. He is leading him by the hair towards the back.
They are back by the exit doors. Psycho Jay breaks the hold and throws Dan
against the concrete wall. Jay grabs a hand full of hair and starts pounding
Hopkins' head into the wall.
Angel: Psycho Jay turns lose and Hopkins falls to the ground. Jay starts
motioning to the fans.
(The fans are chanting the name 'Psycho Jay' over and over again.)
JT: Scott, get these fans to shut up!
BSW: JT, be quiet and watch the match.
JT: Jay leads Hopkins through the exit doors into the back halls of the
BSW: Hopkins with a right hand to the stomach. Psycho Jay turns lose. Dan
with a right, left. Hes got Jay reeling now. He rams Psycho Jay's head into
the dumpster. Jay's knees just buckled.
JT: I hope he's seriously hurt. Get him GOOD Boy!
BSW: Hopkins walks over and grabs a steel chair.
JT: Did you see that? I love it!
BSW: What a shot! GOOD Boy just about took his head of with that one.
JT: What was that number 67 or 68?
BSW: Jay is laying on the ground motionless. What is Hopkins doing? He just
pulled a steel pipe from the wall.
JT: He is looking to end it all right here. What was that? A water line?
BSW: Hopkins walks back over to Jay. He draws the pipe back over his head.
JT: Hit him! Do it! End it right here.
BSW: He comes down with the pipe. No! Psycho Jay rolled out of the way at the
very last second. He kicks Hopkins in the stomach. Hopkins drops the pipe.
Psycho Jay picks it up. He is going to try and hit Hopkins with it.
JT: Move Hopkins. Get out of the way! Psycho Jay IS Psycho!!
BSW: OH! He just conneceted. Hopkins crumples upon connection. He falls to
the ground. This don't look good for the champ.
JT: That's right! He's the champ he'll get back up. And I told you this match
would get extreme!
BSW: Psycho Jay looks to be exhausted. He drops the pipe and tries to catch
his wind. LOOK at that!
JT: Hopkins is sitting up. See I told you Scott. Hopkins is the champ. Good
night. He will end right now. Get him!
BSW: Psycho Jay doesn't see that Hopkins has gotten back up. He tapes Jay on
the shoulder. Jay turns around. Hopkins reached out and just put his hand
around Jay's throat. This could be it. YES! It is the choke slam. Hopkins is
going for the cover.
JT: This one is over no kicks out of his choke slam.
BSW: The referee starts the count one, two and thr NO! Psycho Jay kicked out
at the last second.
JT: What I can't believe he kicked out of that. NO! Get him Hopkins. Show him
why you are an unstoppable force here in the IWO.
BSW: Hopkins and Psycho Jay both are back to their feet. They start
exchanging lefts and rights with each other. They are heading back this way.
OH! Psycho Jay just rammed Hopkins against the wall. Now he throws him
through the exit door as they both re enter the arena.
JT: Look at Hopkins. He just will not stay down.
BSW: Dan back to his feet. They start exchanging rights and lefts again.
Psycho Jay starts to get the advantage. Hopkins is wobbly now. Jay throws him
over the gaurd rail and back at ringside. They are now back right in front of
JT: Psycho Jay rolls Hopkins back into the ring.
BSW: This is where Psycho Jay has the advantage.
JT: No it isn't, Hopkins will crush him.
BSW: Jay just throwed Hopkins against the cornerpost. He climbs up on
Hopkins. He starts to hit him.
(The fans are counting the shots 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!!!)
BSW: Jay climbs back down. He tries to throw Hopkins to the opposite corner.
No The GOOD Boy reversed it. He follows Jay in with a big clothesline.
Hopkins grabs the top rope with his hands and he starts driving his knee into
the midsection of Psycho Jay.
JT: Hopkins drags Jay back to the middle of the ring. He sets him up. Yes! A
huge piledriver. That's it! Psycho Jay is done.
BSW: The ref slides into position. 1...2....3! No, the ref said only 2.
JT: I can't believe that.
BSW: Hopkins climbs outside and grabs a chair. He tosses it in. While he is
climbing back in. Psycho Jay back to his feet. He grabs the chair. Hopkins is
in. As he turns around. Smack a big chair shot to the head. Hopkins goes
JT: Get up! NO! It can't be.
BSW: Psycho Jay motions for the SUPERBOMB. He grabs Hopkins and brings him up
to the top. Hopkins is helpless. THERE IT IS!!! Psycho Jay has the Superbomb
applied. The ref is checking with Hopkins. He is old cold..
JT: NO!! NO!! IT CAN'T BE!!! Psycho Jay signaling that he's going for it
again! OH MY GOD!!! THERE IT IS!! A SECOND TIME!! HOPKINS HAS NO POSSIBLE
CHANCE OF KICKING OUT!!!
BSW: Psycho Jay getting back up. He's is going for the cover.
JT: The ref starts to count......1.....2.....3. NO!! NO!! PSYCHO JAY IS THE
NEW TELEVISION CHAMPION!! NO!!!
*DING DING DING*
Angel: Lets get the official decision.
Announcer: Here is the winner and new IWO Television Champion....Psycho Jay!!
JT: No!! NO!!!
BSW: Hopkins isn't going to be to happy when he gets up.
JT: Yea, losing the title! That's not good.
Angel: Yea, he won't be happy.
BSW: This is one of the most waited matches of the night. We will finally
see the big show down between one of IWO's greatest ever, Ken War, and the
U.S. Champ, High Flyer.
JT: Ken War is probably in the back planning his game plan. He's gonna have
to work hard to beat High Flyer and win the U.S. Title. High Flyer is a
great wrestler with the ability to really hurt Ken War.
Angel: Well, Ken War is definately gonna put up a great showing and gonna
really hurt High Flyer. Ken War is out to destory just like he was before he
left the IWO. Ken War is probably the best technical wrestler in the history
of e-wrestling. I can't predict who will win this match.
JT: The IWO United States title is also on the line. Ken War probably
doesn't care too much about the titlke, and is probably going for bigger
titles, but he's sure going to put up a good fight!
BSW: Well, let's go to the announcer for the ring introductions of the match.
(The lights go out and High Flyer's music plays over the speakers. The
purple lights appear on the aisle and High Flyer slowly walks down to the
ring. The fans are looking on as High Flyer makes his way down to the ring.)
Announcer: This match is scheduled for one fall. This match is also for the
IWO United States title. First making his way down to the ring, he weights
in at two hundred and four pounds. He is lso six feet tall. Ladies and
gentlemen...the IWO United States Champion......High
(High Flyer slowly walks up the steps and enters the ring. He raises his
hands and the lights come on. High Flyer stands in the middle of the ring.
Master and Slave starts to play over the speakers and the fireworks start to
play. Ken War walks out from the back.)
JT: Well, Ken does look one hundred percent.
Announcer: And his opponent, weighing in at 270 pounds. One of the best
wrestlers and held every title in the IWO......Kennnn
(Ken War is walking down to the ring. The fans are going wild for Ken War.
Ken War is slapping the hands of the fans. Ken War walks up the steps and
climbs into the ring.)
(War turns around and stares High Flyer down. High Flyer takes the United
States title off his waist and hands it to the ref. The ref puts the title
up in the air.)
BSW: Well Ken War turns towards the crowd. Wait, High Flyer doesn't wait for
the bell. He charges Ken War.
JT: Wait, War turns around and ducks out of the way. Ken and High Flyer are
going at it. They are exchanging rights and lefts.
Angel: Ken War is getting the upper hand. High Flyer is back peddling. Ken
grabs High Flyers arm and whips him to the ropes. Ken with a big clothesline
and High Flyer falls to the mat.
BSW: Wait, Flyer sits up as if it didn't faze him. High Flyer is getting up.
Ken starts to nail him as he gets up. Ken War steps on Flyer's hand. High
Flyer gets up and holds his hand. High Flyer backs into a corner. War
follows him in and High Flyer grabs a hold of Ken and tosses him into the
corner. High Flyer is haling on the body of Ken War.
Angel: High Flyer whips War to the turnbuckle. High Flyer follows him in and
War lifts his foot up. Flyer stops and grabs it. High Flyer drops his foots
and delivers a big side elbow to his face.
JT: War walks out of the corner holding his face. High Flyer goes to the
ropes clotheslines War outside of the ring. He grabs his back in pain, he
looks like he really hurt his back on the outside.
BSW: High Flyer climbs over the rope and climbs to the floor. The ref
follows him out. Flyer helps War up and delivers atomic drop. War falls to
the floor. The ref is asking him to get back into the ring. High Flyer
picks up War and sends him to the guardrail. War reverses send High Flyer
into the rail.
Angel: Ken War walks over to the High Flyer and starts to repeatedly kick
him. Ken War starts to land massive rights to the head of Flyer.
JT: I guess Ken War has more fight than I thought. He takes High Flyer by
the head and starts to walk up the aisle. rams Flyer's head to the rail.
Official are running down to the ring to keep the excited fans at bay. High
Flyer is on the ground and War grabs High Flyer by the legs and delivers a
head butt to the mid-section.
BSW: The ref is yelling at War to take it back into the ring. Ken War is
completely ignoring the refs request. Ken War picks up a cord and raps it
around the neck of High Flyer. Ken is trying to kill High Flyer. The ref is
trying to pull Ken off of High Flyer.
JT: Ken let's go and pushes the ref off of him. The ref goes flying down the
aisle. Ken goes back on the attack. High Flyer is trying to get up. Ken War
drives his knee into the spinal area of Flyers back. Ken picks the cord up
once again and raps it around the neck of High Flyer.
Angel: The ref is walking up behind Ken War and tries to pull the ref off of
him. High Flyer is waving his hands in the air gasping for air. The ref is
pulling on the shoulder of Ken.
BSW: War let's High Flyer go and turns around and decks the ref. Ken grabs
the ref by the head and sends him into the guard rail. High Flyer walks up
behind Ken War and gets a low blow by Ken War.
JT: High Flyer falls to the mat. Ken War drops the ref and continues to beat
on High Flyer. Ken War picks up High Flyer and sends him into the IWO Utter
Angel: NO..NO..High Flyer reverses it and War goes into the stage. The IWO
sign falls down. High Flyer slowly walks over Ken War. Flyer picks him up
and pile drives him on the ground.
BSW: OUCH! High Flyer starts to choke Ken War. Is he probably out cold? Ken
isn't moving and he seems to be out cold as High Flyer continues tp pound
away at Ken War
JT: High Flyer really wants to keep his title and is doing alot of damage.
Ken War still isn't moving. High Flyer is trying to take all of breathe out
of his body. Flyer gets up and walks away. He grabs a chair from one of the
BSW: High Flyer walks up behind War and hits him over the back. High Flyer
drives the chair into the left knee of Ken War. Ken War is holding his knee
and is trying to crawl away from High Flyer.
JT: High Flyer is stalking War with that chair. Flyer with repeated blows to
the knee. High Flyer drops the chair and grabs the leg of War. High Flyer
picks up Ken and puts him over his shoulders and starts to walk down the
aisle back to the ring.
Angel: Ken manages to escape out of High Flyer's arms, but High Flyer starts
to drag him along side the ring.
BSW: High Flyer picks up Ken War and sends him into the steel steps. The
steps start to come apart. High Flyer picks up the steps....UH-OH!
JT: Ken War manages to kick the leg of Ken War knocking him down. Ken grabs
on to the apron and climbs into the ring. Ken grabs a chair WHAMM!! He hits
High Flyer over the back of the back with the chair. High Flyer falls to the
mat. Ken goes up top!!! HE GOES FOR THE BLACK DIAMOND!! NO!!! HE MISSED!!! HE MISSED!!
FLYER WITH THE COVER!!! 1...2....3!!!
(High Flyer's theme starts to play. High Flyer gets up and the ref
raises his hand. And then hands him the belt.)
Announcer: Here is your winner and STILL US CHAMPION!!!! HIGH FLYER!!!!
BSW: High Flyer won the match, but I don't think the war is over. I guess we'll
have to see later.
BSW: Next up we have the World Tag Team Title Match between The Beverly
Hills Bruisers and the South Side Stoners.
JT: Does everybody have to have a catchy name nowadays? It makes me sick.
Angel: Both of those teams are a lot more creative than you'll ever be.
JT: Well why don't you come back to my hotel tonight and I'll show you how
creative I can be.
BSW: Wow, just like Nikki. Well Al Coholic and Rodney Pheonix have been on
quite a roll lately and they're looking to know the Bruisers off the top for
the first time in a while.
Angel: I don't think they can pull it off Scott, The Bruisers have been on
such a roll I can't see anybody stopping them. Especially with their
alliance with Dane Wilt and the Billion Dollar Promotion.
JT: Billion dollars my ass. Dane Wilt is the man, he shouldn't be hanging
around with losers like them. Brian and Michael Dudley, they sound a little
on the fruity side.
Angel: A name doesn't make you gay JT.
JT: It doesn't help.
BSW: I agree with that.
JT: Nobody gives a rat's ass what you care about Weber.
BSW: Hey, you better watch yourself JT, I ain't Parker, I'll slap the taste
out of your mouth.
JT: Ohhh, now I'm f'n scared.
Angel: Settle down guys, we've got a match to call.
JT: Screw calling a match, I'm not even watching unless there's blood and
BSW: Well you know the IWO prides itself on entertaining and very gory
JT: What the hell are you talking about? We pride ourselves on sex,
violence and the pursuit of happiness. And happiness is achieved by sex and
BSW: Anyway, let's get down to ringside for the announcements.
Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for
one fall and is for the IWO WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP. Introducing first,
the challengers, at a combined weight of 524 pounds, being accompanied to the
ring by Kenny Frishka, here are Al Coholic and Rodney Pheonix.........THE
SOUTH SIDE STONERS!!!!!!!!!!!!
("Guerilla Radio" by Rage Against the Machine blasts through the
loudspeakers as 3S make their way down the aisle to the ring.)
JT: That's a cool song.
Angel: Be quiet.
JT: Eat my ass.
Ring Announcer: And they're opponents, they are the IWO WORLD TAG TEAM
CHAMPIONS! At a combined weight of 484 pounds, being accompanied to the ring
by Caren Dudley, here are Michael Dudley and Brian Dudley, THE BEVERLY HILLS
("Pretty Fly for a White Guy" by the Offspring blasts as The BHB make their
way ou to the ring.)
BSW: The Bruisers are discussing things outside of the ring with Caren.
JT: Just get in the ring and fight!
Angel: Al Coholic and Rodney Pheonix snuck out the other side of the ring.
Here they come!
BSW: Bam! Coholic just leveled Michael Dudley from behind with a
clothesline and Pheonix connected with a bulldog onto Brian!
Angel: S3 aren't fooling around tonight!
JT: Did you say you wanna fool around later?
BSW: Al Coholic picks up Michael and Pheonix picks up Brian. They whip
them towards each other.
Angel: Brian reverses it! Pheonix and Michael Dudley collide!
JT: Awww, what a f'n shame.
BSW: Coholic grabs a chair! He charges Brian! DROPKICK! BRIAN DUDLEY
DROPKICKED THE CHAIR INTO AL COHOLIC'S FACE! Dudley picks him up and
scoopslams him down to the concrete.
Angel: Now Brian's on the apron. Flying elbow connects!
BSW: Michael Dudley is on his feet. Him and Brian grab Al and DOUBLE
SUPLEX HIM ONTO THE CHAIR! I didn't know this was hardcore rules!
JT: Who cares what the rules are, these guys aren't obeying them. They
just better start bleeding soon.
Angel: What is it with you and blood JT?
JT: Umm, it's fucking blood.
JT: BLOOD IS AWESOME!
Angel: You are sick.
JT: Thank you.
BSW: The Dudley's are stomping Coholic. Rodney Pheonix is up. He's
getting in the ring and climbing the ropes. DOUBLE MISSLE DROPKICK FROM
INSIDE THE RING! Both Dudley's are laid out! Pheonix picks up Michael, DDT!
Coholic is up, BRIANBUSTER ON BRIAN ONTO MICHAEL!
JT: Well that was stupid, it just cushioned the blow.
Angel: Yeah, but not for Michael.
JT: Geee, you're right. A woman that says something worth while. I think
I'm in love.
Angel: That was almost sweet.
JT: So you'll go down on me under the table now?
Angel: Pig, I'm not Nikki.
JT: Hey, Nikki doesn't give me head under the.....I mean, why yes, yes she
BSW: The Stoners are keeping this on the outside so they can put their
brawling techniques to work.
JT: Brawling isn't a technique you moron.
BSW: Sure it is. Look, Pheonix has Michael in a headlock and is
uppercutting him in the face. That is skill.
JT: Wait a second, MICHAEL'S BLEEDING! THAT IS SKILL! BLOOOOOD! GOOD
BSW: Rodney looked away because of JT's distraction and Michael Dudley just
nailed him with a back suplex.
Angel: Good job JT.
JT: Screw you bitch, I want S3 to win.
BSW: Al Coholic is repeatedly smashing Brian's head into the ring post!
Brian's busted open!
JT: YES! I don't like the BHB, but I LOVE the fact they bleed so easy.
Angel: Brian reversed it and is bashing Al's head now. We'll see if he
BSW: Here comes Michael Dudley! Both the BHB are smacking Al Coholic's
head into the ring post!
Angel: Rodney just pulled a 2x4 out from under the ring! He slams Brian
across the back with it! Michael turns around...
BSW: PHEONIX BREAKS THE 2x4 OVER HIS HEAD! Pheonix covers. The ref
refuses to count because he's not in the ring.
JT: Just count you stupid prick!
BSW: Like I said, this isn't an anything goes match.
JT: Well it should be!
Angel: Pheonix rolls Michael into the ring while Al Coholic is stomping
Brian on the outside. Pheonix covers...
BSW: 1.....................2..........................THREEEEEEEENO! He
kicked out at the last second.
Angel: That was close.
JT: No it wasn't, BSW over here just made it sound close. By the Way, what
does that stand for? Big Shit Wad?
BSW: It's Big Scott Weber. What does JT stand for?
JT: I dunno.
Angel: You don't know what your own name stands for?
BSW: OK, now Pheonix has Michael up, VERTICAL SUPLEX.
Angel: Hey, didn't Pheonix used to be Phantom?
JT: No shit.
Angel: Just wondering.
JT: Some dumb sluts are stupid.
BSW: Pheonix grabs Michael and hooks him up, FISHERMAN'S SUPLEX, the
Angel: 1.................2....................NOO! Brian Dudley came out
of nowhere to break it up. Al Coholic followed him in.
BSW: All four men in the ring together now!
JT: You like that huh Big Shit Wad?
BSW: Shut your mouth JT. Rodney and Al whip Brian to the ropes, DOUBLE
BACK BODY DROP! Hold on a second, what the hell is Kenny Frishka doing?
Angel: He just grabbed Caren Dudley and kissed her! She slaps him!
JT: She's a lesbian! What the hell is he doing, she's probably got fish
BSW: He just grabbed her breasts! He top comes off!
JT: YES! TITS! TITS!
JT: I'm surrounded by lesbians!
BSW: Caren just jumped up and nailed Frishka with a hurricanrana! Michael
Dudley ges to the ropes and starts yelling at Kenny! Al rolls him up from
Angel: That was close. Is it hot in here?
JT: You're just horny from seeing Caren's big sexy tits!
BSW: They are very veluptuous.
Angel: They sure are.
JT: Ahhh, just call the match. I'll take care of the boobs.
BSW: Pheonix and Brian are going shot for shot! Brian rocks Rodney
backwards, he bounces off the ropes. SPINNING HEEL KICK! That nearly took
Pheonix's head off. Brian covers,
1........................2.........................NOO! AL COHOLIC BREAKS
THE HOLD. Michael comes up from behind Al, FULL NELSON SLAM! He covers....
Angel: 1...................2.......................SHOULDER UP! Brian is
on the top ropes, he comes off with a flying clothesline on Al as he got up.
JT: Wow those are great tits.
BSW: The ref is finally gaining control and it's only Brian and Al in the
ring. Brian pulls Al to his feet, POWERBOMB! Brian tags in Michael.
They're stomping a mud hole on Al Coholic!
Angel: Pheonix tries to get in, but the ref cuts him off.
BSW: Bad move, now the Bruisers are choking the life out of Al. Al's
trying to fight back, but doesn't have the strength. Hold on, Kenny Frishka
is up on the apron! He's yelling at Brian and Michael saying he banged
JT: It must have been a real quickie, I didn't see it and I've been looking
at her the whole time.
Angel: The Dudley's just double clotheslined Frishka off the apron!
BSW: But the distraction allows Al Coholic to nail the BHB with a double
low blow! Both Dudley's go down. Al is crawling towards the outstretched
hand of Pheonix! Brian Dudley grabs Al's foot, but Coholic boots him in the
Angel: Al makes the tag!
JT: Those tits make me horny.
Angel: They're not even showing anymore JT!
JT: Yeah, but it's like the flash of a camera, you can still see them in
your eyes for a few minutes.
BSW: How come I can't.
JT: Because your a gay bastard.
Angel: That wasn't nice.
JT: Big Shit Wad getting a woman to do his dirty work.
BSW: Brian Dudley charges Al, but goes down to a shoulder block. Here
comes michael! Al clotheslines him! Here comes Brian, Al with a spinebuster
slam! Michael again! Al hip tosses him out of the ring and onto Caren!
JT: Good thing those were there to break his fall.
Angel: But nobody broke Caren's fall, she's hurt. I should go help her.
JT: I think she's fine Angel.
BSW: Al picks up Brian, Northern lights suplex, he covers,
Angel: Another close one.
BSW: Coholic tags in Pheonix, they send Brian to the ropes, DOUBLE GUERILLA
PRESS DROPS HIM RIGHT ON HIS FACE!
JT: That had to hurt. Especially cause he's already bleeding.
Angel: I thought we could get through the rest of the match without hearing
JT: But blood is awesome.
Angel: Yes I know we've been through this already.
JT: But you don't understand. It's blood! I saw it! It was...blood.
BSW: Yes JT, that's what we've been telling you.
JT: No, but I saw it. Blood. Blood I tell ya!
BSW: Ok, enough Slepy Hollow spoofing. Rodney Pheonix picks up Brian and
is going for the Bring the World Down! He's got Brian up! NOO! MICHAEL
CLIPS RODNEY'S KNEE FROM BEHIND!
JT: From behind?
Angel: Get your mind out of the gutter.
JT: I would do you from behind Angel. That way I don't have to look at
Angel: And I could pretend that it wasn't a loser with a 2 inch cock doing
BSW: Ouch, a slap and an insult. All four men are in the ring again! Al
and Michael are going at it! Brian and Rodney rumbling on the ground!
Angel: Who's that coming through the crowd?!
JT: Holy shit! It's Zombie!
BSW: It's Zombie and he has a chair! Zombie hops the guardrail and blasts
Caren Dudley with the chair!
Angel: Oh my god! I've gotta see if she's OK.
JT: Just stay here Angel, he might hit you too.
Angel: Oh, that's so nice of you JT.
JT: So you'll let me poke you in the ass now?
JT: Guess not.
BSW: Now Zombie slides into the ring with the chair! HE BLASTS THE REF
WITH THE CHAIR! THE REF IS OUT COLD! He's right behind Michael Dudley.
Dudley doesn't see him!
BSW: Zombie just whaled Michael Dudley with the chair. Al Coholic laughs
Angel: Zombie just hit Coholic too!
BSW: Oh my god! Brian Dudley just standing side kicked the chair into
Angel: Here comes Capital Punishment through the other side of the crowd!
He's got a baseball bat!
BSW: Punishment just nailed Kenny Frishka with the bat and slides into the
JT: Cappy is nuts! He's beating Brian down with the bat! Pheonix is
appluading and he gets hit with the bat!
BSW: LOOK! HERE COMES DANE WILT! DANE WILT! DANE WILT! BEING FOLLOWED
BY CHROME THUNDER! THEY'VE BOTH GOT HOCKEY STICKS AND GOLF CLUBS!
Angel: Dane and Thunder hit the ring and are met by Zombie and Cappy.
BSW: All hell is breaking loose!
JT: I love it!
BSW: Dane and Chrome Thunder are just swinging those clubs and sticks
around and nailing everyone! Even the BHB! Zombie and Cappy are backing
away! NO! THEY CHARGE AT DANE AND THUNDER AND SPEAR THEM BOTH! EVERYBODY
LOST THEIR WEAPONS! IT'S AN ALL OUT BRAWL NOW!
Angel: Michael and Brian are up! They grab Al Coholic. Michael picks him
up in a suplex! They're going for Sun Set in Beverly Hills! Brian is on the
top ropes! NO!
BSW: AL COHOLIC JUST REVERSES THE SUPLEX IN THE HAPPY HOUR!(brainbuster)!
HE COVERS! 1......................2.......................THREEEEEEEENO!!!
Brian broke it up with a guillatine leg drop! Rodney Pheonix is up! He
boots Brian in the stomach! BRING THE WORLD DOWN!(outsider's edge)
JT: Isn't it break the wall down?
BSW: It's not Chris Jericho's music, it's Pheonix's finisher! He connects!
We're gonna have new ta team champions!!! Pheonix covers,
1................2.........................NOOO! WHAT THE HELL!
Angel: Chrome Thunder broke the pin! He grabs Pheonix, THE RAIN
DROP!(fisherman's DDT). Thunder rolls Brian on top of Pheonix, but the ref
is still out. Zombie and Dane are rumbling on the outside. Now Cappy is
doubleteaming Dane with Zombie!
BSW: Chrome Thunder goes outside with a baseball slide right into Capital
JT: I'm speechless, I've seen blood, action, sex, violence. I'm in heaven.
BSW: And this match isn't even over yet! Officials are out to break things
up on the outside. Al is up and Michael is still out. He picks him up for
another HAPPY HOUR! WAIT! DANE JUST SLID INTO THE RING AND GAVE AL A FACE
LIFT! FACE LIFT!
JT: Damn he almost kicked his head off!
Angel: That was vicious!
BSW: Dane gets pulled out of the ring by security. Al Coholic is out cold.
Rodney Pheonix is still feeling the effects of that RAIN DROP.
Angel: Both the Bruisers are up! Michael lifts Rodney in a vertical
suplex. Brian scales the turnbuckle. HE LEAPS OFF THE TOP!
BSW: SUNSET IN BEVERLY HILLS! SUNSET IN BEVERLY HILLS! BRIAN HOOKS THE
LEG. MICHAEL WAKES THE REF UP! HE SLOWLY COUNTS!
............................THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! He got him! THEY
GOT HIM! THE BRUISERS WIN AGAIN!
Angel: I told you they weren't ready to lose yet.
JT: They suck. Screw the BHB.
Angel: They won didn't they?
JT: They cheated. I'm a big fan of cheating and all, but not when it makes
BSW: That was indeed an insane match. All hell broke loose and in the end
the Beverly Hills Bruisers retained their World Tag Team titles!
JT: Yeah, whoopdie f*ckin' doo.
BSW: Next up we have a very....unusual to say the least, match. It's going
to be a tickle monster submission match.
Angel: Tickle Monster Match?
JT: Oh great, I had to sit through one of these already at the last HT.
That nutjob Psycho Jay came up with it and challenged Zombie to it. It's
like a lumberjack match but the lumberjacks are dressed up in tickle monster
costumes and they can only tickle you when you fall on the outside.
Angel: Sounds, interesting.
BSW: Sounds pretty funny, it should be pretty entertaining.
JT: Yeah well last time the match didn't really happen. We had Elmo out
here doing guest commentary and all hell broke loose.
Angel: Is Elmo gonna be here again? He's so cute.
JT: Then you don't wanna know what he did to Nikki.
BSW: We're about ready to go guys, the tickle monsters are on their way
down to the ring!
Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen the following contest is a special
TICKLE MONSTER SUBMISSION MATCH!! The ring will be surrounded by many tickle
monsters who will tickle you if you fall to the outside. The only way to win
is to cause your opponent to submit to a submission move. If your opponent
gives up whole being tickled by a tickle monster, then the tickle monster
will become the Extreme Champion.
JT: What the hell kind of a rule is that?
Ring Announcer: Introducing first, the challenger, standing at 6'4" and
weighing in at 248 pounds, here is..............."THE COPYCAT" JUSTIN
("Macho Man" by the Village People plays as Justin Shack comes out looking
JT: Haha! Shack's a flamer!
BSW: He's grabbing a mic.
Justin Shack: Ok, this is getting ridiculous, first I'm booked in this
STUPID match, and then the moron sound man screws up my music!
Sound Man: No Mr. Shack, on your personal page on the roster it
specifically says for your entrance music "Anything(something different every
time)" So don't call me a moron.
Justin Shack: You're a moron anyway!
Sound Man: And your theme music is Macho Man, sung by very gay musicians.
Justin Shack: Well you better....
(Shack's mic is cut off by the sound man.)
JT: Damn, Shack's getting dissed by the sound man. That's sad.
BSW: Sure is.
Ring Announcer: Introducing next, the champion, he represents the Billion
Dollar Promotion, standing at 6'3" and weighing in at 240 pounds, here
("God of Thunder" by Kiss blasts as Chrome Thunder makes his way to the
BSW: We are about to get underway here. I wonder who all the tickle
JT: Probably some losers who won a contest.
Angel: Why is there one group of 5 tickle monsters cuddling in near the
BSW: And there's a few of them raising their fists.
JT: As long as that little bastard elmo isn't here then I'm fine.
BSW: We're underway now folks as Shack just attacked Thunder before the
bell. Shack beats down Chrome Thunder with rights and lefts. He sends him
to the ropes. Boot to the face! Thunder slides out of the ring to regain
Angel: Bad move!
JT: HAHAHA! He's being tickled by the 5 tickle monster who were cuddling!
Wait a second! GROSS! They're trying to pull his tights off. They're not
tickling him, they're trying to rape him!
BSW: This is bad.
Angel: Look, Chrome Thunder is fighting back, he's taken the mask off of
one of the tickle monsters! It's AJ from the backstreet boys!
JT: It's all the backstreet Boys! Those flamers! Hey you fucking queers
get out of the IWO!
Angel: JT watch your language!
JT: But they're gay!
BSW: I happen to like the Backstreet Boys.
JT: That's cause your a queer!
Angel: Play nice boys.
BSW: Now the Backstreet boys are hightailing it to the back. Chrome
Thunder is pissed. Here comes Justin Shack off the top ropes with a corss
body block on the outside! Here comes the tickle monsters!
JT: Shack and Chrome Thunder are being tickled!
Angel: They're both very ticklish. Look at them laughing! Haha.
JT: I still say this is the dumbest match in the history of the IWO.
BSW: The tickle monsters roll Thunder and Justin Shack back in the ring.
Shack covers, 1................2...............KICKOUT!
JT: Like he's gonna get a pin after a devastating tickle.
BSW: Shack picks up Thunder, belly-to-belly suplex! Thunder is back up,
Shack with a dropkick. Thunder almost falls out of the ring, but he hangs on
and pulls himself back in.
Angel: Did you see Thunder clinging for dear life? He sure didn't wanna be
JT: Who would, this match is stupid.
BSW: Hold on, we are being joined by a tickle monster at the announcer's
table. Hello tickle monster, how are you?
Tickle Monster: I'm fine, there's some good tickling going on out there.
BSW: May I ask who you are?
Tickle Monster: I'm Psycho Jay. I figured since I created this match I
should at least be in it some way.
Angel: JT is a big fan of this match Jay, he was just saying how much he
JT: Ummm, yeah, I love it, it's like the best idea ever!
Psycho Jay: Thank you. It would have never came about if it wasn't for
that rat bastard Zombie tickling be at the Hardcore Royale last month. He
BSW: Who are you picking in this match Jay?
Psycho Jay: I dunno, it doesn't really matter. I'm just here to have fun
and tickle people.
BSW: Excellent, well Shack is trying to dump Chrome Thunder out of the
Psycho Jay: He wants us tickle monsters to do all the work for him. What a
JT: But all you do is tickle them.
Psycho Jay: Being tickled takes a lot out of you. Observe.
(Psycho Jay starts tickling Angel.)
Angel: HAHAHAHAHAHA, HEY STOP, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, THAT TICKLES!
Psycho Jay: See, she's getting all out of breath.
JT: Well I think this was all started by that little red furball Elmo, he's
Psycho Jay: Elmo is out there right now, he's a tickle monster! HEY ELMO!
COME HERE AND TICKLE JT!
(Elmo laughs and runs over to tickle JT. JT starts laughing
JT: Get the fuck off me you little freak! Jay, get him off! AHHH! I
fucking hate you elmo!
Angel: Haha, now you know how it feels.
BSW: Chrome Thunder is back on the offensive in the ring. He has Shack in
a camel clutch and is trying to make him submit. Shack is powering to his
feet. He backs into the turnbuckle and squashes Chrome Thunder. One of the
tickle monsters who was raising their fist tries to tickle Chrome Thunder!
Angel: Who are the othet tickle monsters Jay?
Psycho Jay: Well, the one that tried to grab Chrome Thunder was OJ Simpson.
There's also Shaft, Garrett Kosoy, The Penguin, Goopy and Jay Taylor.
BSW: What a bunch.
Psycho Jay: Yeah, the KKK's out there too.
BSW: They are, I hope they don't go after OJ.
Psycho Jay: No, not that KKK, the three chicks that Titan had as the KKK.
BSW: Oh. Now Chrome Thunder sends Shack into the turnbuckle and follows in
with a splash! Shack stumbles out of the corner. Chrome Thunder hops to the
top ropes, FLYING BULLDOG OFF THE TURNBUCKLE! Thunder picks up Shack and
nails him with a front-faced DDT! Chrome Thunder gets Shack to his feet
again, he tosses him out of the ring!
Psycho Jay: Whoops, gotta go, there's somebody in need of tickling! Bye!
(Psycho Jay runs off to tickle Justin Shack.)
BSW: He is a very strange fellow.
JT: HAHAHAHAHAH! AAAAHAHAHAHA! STOP FUCKING TICKLING ME YOU DAMN MUPPET!
Angel: Elmo, stop tickling JT, there's someone else that needs to be
Elmo: Elmo love you Angel. Elmo want to shoot Elmo sperm on your face.
BSW: Dear God Angel! You just slapped Elmo's head off!
JT: I told you that little shit was a pervert!
BSW: Justin Shack is being tickled on the ground! He cannot get up!
Chrome Thunder springboards off the ropes and nails half the tickle monsters
and Justin Shack with a plancha!
Angel: What a great move!
JT: Ok, don't cream yourself. He had lots of tickle monsters to land on!
BSW: And now the tickle monsters are tickling Thunder and Shack!
Angel: Shack and Chrome Thunder are fighting back!
BSW: They're double teaming the tickle monsters! Goopy just went over the
guardrail! Garrett Kosoy just got hit with A SHACKED 4 LIFE!
Angel: Psycho Jay gets RAIN DROPPED!
JT: Shacked 4 Life on OJ! Serves him right!
BSW: Now Shack slides back into the ring along with Chrome Thunder!
Thunder gets up, Shack boots him in the stomach and DDTs him! He covers,
there's no pinfall in this match.
JT: Why do people always forget what match they're wrestling in?
Angel: They must have been distracted by my beauty.
JT: Yeah Ok, I still wonder why they forget what match they're wrestling
BSW: Shack picks up Thunder and plants him with a michinoku driver!
JT: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!
BSW: Holy christ! The head of Elmo is floating through the air!
Angel: I'm sorry! I didn't mean too!
Elmo's head: Elmo just want to make nookie on your face, but you kill elmo.
Angel: I'm sorry, but I don't do that kinky stuff.
JT: Yes you, do, what about last night.
BSW: Elmo, we are trying to call a match, please discuss this at another
point in time.
Elmo: Screw you Big Stupid Whitey!
Elmo: You shut up too. Your name is JIT without the I. You're gay!
JT: That's it, your a dead muppet!
(JT gets up and starts chasing after Elmo.)
Angel: I feel bad for the horny little guy.
BSW: You broke his heart. Now Shack piledrives Chrome Thunder and slaps on
an ankle lock submission!
Angel: He doesn't have it locked on good! Chrome Thunder reaches the
ropes! Shack picks up Chrome Thunder and goes for a hurricanrana, Thunder
catches him, POWERBOMB! Thunder hooks Shack's legs and turns him over in a
boston crab, right in the center of the ring!
BSW: Shack is trying to reach the ropes but Thunder pulls him back! Shack
is trying to push out of it now! The ref is asking him. Shack refuses to
give in. HE POWERS OUT! SHACK KICKED OUT OF THE BOSTON CRAB AND SENT
THUNDER CRASHING INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!
Angel: Thunder is dazed, Shack boots him in the stomach, he hooks him up
for the SHACKED 4 LIFE! No! Thunder headbutts Shack in the nuts! He
catches him with the RAIN DROP!
BSW: Now Thunder grabs Shack's legs, TEXAS CLOVERLEAF! RIGHT IN THE CENTER
OF THE RING!
Angel: JT is still chasing Elmo.
BSW: Shack is still dazed after that Rain Drop, I don't think he's gonna
make it to the ropes! THUNDER SITS BACK ON IT FARTHER! SHACK IS TAPPING!
SHACK IS TAPPING OUT! SHACK IS TAPPING OUT! JUSTIN SHACK TAPPED OUT!
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner..............CHROME THUNDER!!!!!
Angel: Chrome Thunder wins the first ever Tickle Monster submission match!
BSW: And what a match it was. There are tickle monsters laid out all over
the place. Shaft is pissed, he's on his cell phone calling some contacts.
Oj is threating to cut Psycho Jay's throat. JT finally caught Elmo's head
and is stabbing it with a fork!
Angel: This is insane!
BSW: A big win for the Billion Dollar Promotion tonight!
BSW- Well, fans, all I can say is that Utter Obliteration is the most insane
and greatest PPV I haveever seen!! And we aren't even done yet!!!! Coming up
next we have a 60 minute Iron Man match for the Pacific Title.
Angel- The pacific title is one that has been somewhat abbadoned as of late.
Not much competition for it. Maybe if G-Dogg wins it he will rekindle the
pacific title's fire
JT- You know what I would like to rekindle???
BSW- As of right now Samuel "The Shrimp" Potright is the champion, but
G-Dogg has been very impressive since joining the IWO and I think that
Potright will have to fight the match of his life tonight!!
JT- Whopde fricken doo!!! Like I even care!
Angel- No one cares if you care!
BSW- Allright, lets go over the rules for this Iron Man Match.
JT- Lets not and say we did!
BSW- Shut up JT
BSW- Allright, this match will have a 60 minute time limit. The winner is
determined by the man with the most pins at the end of the 60 second period.
So if someone gets pinned they do not lose, whoever has the most pins or
submitions at the end of the 60 minute period will be declared the winner.
The time will be displayed on the IWO-Tron throughout the match.
JT- I don't get it!
Angel- Doesn't surprise me!
JT (under his breath)- Surprise this bitch
Angel- I heard that
BSW- Lets go down to the ring
Announcer- Ladies and Gentlemen, we are now ready for the 60 Minute Iron Man
Pacific Title Match!!!
Announcer- Making his way down to the ring, the challenger, he ways in a
slim 240 lbs and stands 6 foot 6. He is the master of the Dogg Drop DDT,
here is GGGGGGG-DDOOOOOGGGGGG!!!!!!
(Bad Habit by Offspring explodes over the P/A and G-Dogg makes his way to
Announcer- and now, the Pacific Champion, he stands at 5 foot 9 and weighs
in at 207 lbs, he calls himself "The Shrimp" he is SAMMMMMMUELLLL
(No Shelter by Rage Against the Machine blares over the P/A system as
Potright makes his way to the ring along with his Pacific Title belt.)
BSW- And this match is underway, the two men lock up and G-Dogg executes an
arm drag take down and arm bar but Potright grabs the ropes.
JT- OH MY GOD, an arm drag takedown, these men are insane!!!!!
Angel- JT, why are you such an idiot??
JT- I don't know, probably for the same reason that you are such a bitch!!
BSW- G-Dogg grabs Potright and whips him to the ropes, clothesline! Potright
BSW- G-Dogg comes off of the ropes and nails a leg drop.
Angel- Shut up moron!!
JT- Takes one to know one!!!
Angel- EXACTLY, I know you and you are a moron!!!
Angel- Good boy
BSW- G-Dogg picks up Potright and whips him to the outside.
JT- Now the fun starts!!!
BSW- G-Dogg goes to the outside but Potright has a chair
BSW- OOOO, thats gotta hurt!! G-Dogg goes falling to the floor in a heap.
JT- A heap of what???
BSW- Potright grabs G-Dogg and whips him to the guardrail but G-Dogg
reverses and Potright goes flying into the crowd!
BSW- G-Dogg is going in after him!!!! Potright grabs a man's beer and whips
it into G-Dogg's face!!!
Man- What the hell??
BSW- The man grabs Potright, he gives him a right hand right in the mush!!
JT- In the mush huh?
Angel- Am I going to have to hit you again?
JT- No mam!
BSW- The two men are brawling towards the back of the arena!!!
BSW- Wait!! G-Dogg grabs Potright, Dogg Drop DDT off of the guardrail onto a
chair!!!!! OH MY GOD!!! He covers!!!
BSW- Thats it!!! G-Dogg draws first blood!!! But remember, its whoever has
the most pins at the end is declared the winner!!
Angel- That was quite the move!!! I guess he calls that the 3D!!
JT- Can you say ripoff??
Angel- Can you say moron?
JT- Can you say skank??
G-Dogg grabs Potright, he goes for the 3D again, but Potright reverses into
a northernlights suplex!!!!
BSW- G-Dogg kicks out at the last second!
Angel- Close call!!!! Potright almost evened up the score with that one!!
JT- Good math there Angel!!!
(Angel swings at JT but he ducks)
Angel- Now, what were you saying??
BSW- These two men have gone to the back of the arena!!! G-Dogg has a window
pane!!! OH LORD NO!!! He is going to slam Potright into the window pane!!!
WAIT, OH NO!!!!! Potright just dropkicked that huge pane of glass and it
shattered all over G-Dogg!!!! WAIT, he is locking G-Dogg in the Wall
Breaker!!!! G-Dogg's forehead is busted wide open and he is screaming in
pain!! HE TAPPED, HE TAPPED!!!!! G-Dogg has submitted to the Wall Breaker,
the score is tied!!!!
JT- That was great!!!
Angel- Do you know what would be great??
JT- If you would shut the hell up!!
BSW- Both men are busted wide open, G-Dogg from that window pane and
Potright from the 3D onto the chair. G-Dogg is groggy, Potright has gone
into one of the dressing rooms, he comes out with a coat hanger!!!! He is
pulling it apart, he has made some sort of spear!!! OH MY GOD!!! He just
stabbed G-Dogg in the arm!!! There is a huge gash on G-Dogg's arm!!! He is
screaming in pain!!!! WAIT, look over there!!! Its Justin Shack!!!! He is in
High Impact with G-Dogg, he has a chair!!!!
BSW- He just layed out Potright, he and G-Dogg are teaming up on Potright,
WAIT!!!! Its Chrome Thunder and Dane Wilt!!!!! They have kendo sticks!!!!!
BSW- We know that the BDP and High Impact do not like eachother and Thunder
and Wilt have just layed out Shack and G-Dogg!!! Thunder is beating on
Shack, they are opponents for the Extreme Title!!! Thunder nails Shack with
the Rain Drop!!! Dane nails the Face Lift on G-Dogg!!! They grab Potright
they put him on top of G-Dogg!!!!
BSW- OH MY GOD!!! The BDP have just put Potright up 2-1 on G-Dogg!!!!
BSW- The refs have cleared the BDP and High Impact out of the area. Both
Potright and G-Dogg are down, WAIT!!! Look!!! Its Ken War!!! The other
member of High Impact!!!! He has a taser gun!!!!! Oh MY GOD!!!! He just
zapped Potright in the face!!!! He picks up Potright, powerbomb onto the
concrete floor!!!!! He lays G-Dogg on top of Potright!!!!
BSW- WAIT!!!! Its High Flyer!!! Flying Moon Shot on to War!!! The ref stops
the count to go and break the two men up!!!! MY LORD!!!!
BSW- The refs are finally getting the two bloody men back into the arena
Angel- God, with all of this blood you would think they were fighting for
the Extreme Title!!
JT- That was lame
BSW- The two men are back in the ring, Potright nails a flying elbow onto
BSW- G-Dogg just barely escaped that one!!!
Potright is going under the ring, he brings out two tables, a chair, a reel
of barbwire, and a chain!!!! What a sicko!!!
JT- No, thats Angel!!!
BSW- He brings the things into the ring but G-Dogg is waiting for him,
superkick!!! He grabs a chair!!!
BSW- He nailed Potright with the chair!!!! He is going for the Dogg Drop
DDT, WAIT!!!! Potright grabbed the chair and smashed G-Dogg in midair!!!!!
BSW- OH MY GOD!!!! Potright has just pinned G-Dogg to up 3-1!!!!
Angel- That was an amateur mistake, he went for the Dogg Drop DDT one too
many times and payed for it!!!
JT- Only 30 minutes left and G-Dogg has to get 3 straight pins to win!!!
Angel- You can add!! I'm impressed!!!
JT- You would be!
BSW- I don't think G-Dogg has it in him to win this!!! Potright grabs G-Dogg
but G-Dogg nails a low blow and a powerbomb!!!! WOW, what a move!!! He is
grabbing the tables!!! What the hell?? He is setting one on top of the other
JT- He must be building some sort of building!!!
Angel- YEA THATS WHAT HE IS DOING!!! moron
BSW- He grabs Potright, he puts Potright on top of the second tablE!! OH MY
GOD!!! He is taking the chain and chaining Potright the top table!!!
Potright is a good 8 feet above the mat!!! G-Dogg grabs the chair, OH MY
GOD!!!! FLYING CHAIR SHOT FROM THE TOP ONTO POTRIGHT THROUGH BOTH TABLES!!!!
BSW- There is a huge pile of rubbish in the ring, wait!!! I see a hand, its
G-Dogg!!!! He is moving!!! He crawls over to Potright!!!
BSW- GOOD LORD!!!! G-Dogg somehow is still alive from that flying chair shot
and he pins Potright to get one back!!!
JT- That was unbelievable!!!
Angel- I agree!!!
JT- DID YOU JUST SAY THAT YOU AGREE WITH ME????
Angel- There is a first time for everything!
BSW- Both men are down and almost unconscious!! WAIT, Potright is moving, he
is up, he grabs G-Dogg, Wall Breaker!!!! He has him locked in the Wall
Breaker!!!!! G-Dogg is screaming in pain!!!! WAIT, G-Dogg reaches out and
grabs that reel of barbwire!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! He just smashed Potright in
the back of the head with the barbwire!!!! Both men are down again!!!!
JT- OOO, I see blood!!!!
Angel- OOO, I see moron!!
JT- You must be looking in a mirror!!!
BSW- Both men are down and I don't see much movement going on!!!
BSW- G-Dogg is slowly getting up, he grabs Potright, GERMAN SUPLEX!!!
BSW- NO, NO, The champ kicked out at the last second!!!
Angel- That was close
BSW- You're telling me!!!! WHAT THE HELL??????????
BSW- The damn lights just went out!!!! WAIT, look at the IWO-Tron, there is
a money sign on it!!! Could it be???
(all of a sudden the lights turn back on)
BSW- OH MY GOD!!! IT IS!!! Its the Billion Dollar Promotion!!!! Chrome grabs
G-Dogg, Rain Drop!!! Dane grabs G-Dogg FACELIFT!!!! Good lord!!! Now the
Dudley's have G-Dogg, Sunset in Beverly Hills!!!! MY GOD!!! G-Dogg just got
nailed with everyone's finishers from the BDP!!! They roll Potright on
BSW- What the hell???????? The lights went out again!!!!!
(all of a sudden, the lights come back on)
BSW- GOOD GOD!!! Its High Impact!!!! War and Shack!!!! They are in the
ring!!!! They have bats!!!
BSW- Shack nails the BHB and Dane
BSW- War nails Chrome!!!!
BSW- Everyone goes to the outside and continues to brawl!!
BSW- The ref is on the outside trying to break the fight up!!!! WAIT, from
behind!!!!! Potright grabs G-Dogg, spinebuster!!! He is locking G-Dogg in
the Wall Breaker!!!! G-Dogg is tapping out!!!! But the ref is on the outside
breaking up the fight between the BDP and High Impact!!!!
JT- Come on ref!!! Turn around!!!!
BSW- WAIT!!!! G-Dogg reverses in the hold into a small package!!!! The ref
BSW- YES YES YES!!!! G-Dogg just pinned Potright with a small package out of
the Wall Breaker!!!!!! Its all tied up!!!!
BSW- We are getting down to the wire and its all tied up!!! The BDP and High
Impact have been escorted away from ringside!! Its down to man vs man, mano
JT- We get it!!!
Angel- I don't think you get anything!!
BSW- Potight grabs G-Dogg, fisherman's suplex!!
BSW- G-Dogg kicks out!!! Potright picks up G-Dogg, he is going for a
powerbomb, but G-Dogg reverses into a hurrancannranna!!
BSW- NO, Potright got the shoulder up at 2 3/4!!! What a damn match!!!!
Angel- They have been fighting for 54 straight minutes!!!
JT- Actually 53 minutes and 16 seconds!
Angel- Shut up
JT- Make me!!
BSW- Both men can barely stand!!! G- Dogg is going up top, missile
dropkick!!!! WHAT THE??? G-Dogg is getting a second wind!!! He is going to
the top rope again!!!! OH MY GOD!!! Corkscrew frog splash!!!! WHAT A
Angel- You can say that again!!!
JT- What a move!!!!
Angel- Thank you
BSW- We have reached the two minute warning!!! G-Dogg is on the apron!!! OH
MY GOD!!! There it is!!! The Dogg Drop DDT!!!! He nailed Potright with the
Dogg Drop DDT!!!! WAIT!!!!!! Its High Flyer!!!! He is running down to the
ring!!! He has a chair!!! He goes to hit G-Dogg but G-Dogg ducks and
Potright gets nailed!!!!
BSW- G-Dogg nails the Dogg Drop DDT on High Flyer!!!! MY LORD!!!!!! He
throws Flyer out of the ring and goes to the apron!! OH MY GOD!!! He nailed
Potright with the Dogg Drop DDT again!!!!
BSW- He covers!!!!!!
BSW- HE DID IT!!!!! G-Dogg pinned Potright with 2 seconds left in the match
to get the win!!!! G-Dogg is the new IWO Pacific Champion!!!! MY GOD WHAT A
JT- Hell yes!!!
BSW- Here comes High Impact to celebrate with G-Dogg who can barely
stand!!!! What a match!!! I cannot believe it!!!
Angel- Damn right BSW!!!!!!
BSW - And welcome back to Utter Obliteration! Aren’t you glad there is no
commercial break during Pay-Per-Views! No crap in between the matches is
JT – Yeah, just thrilling. So what’s the next match? Two more jobbers I
BSW – Actually, we have a North American Title match between Capital
Punishment and John “Vampyre” McRae!
JT – Oh God! Not that freak again!
Angel – Which one?
JT – The vampire one! Haven’t you been paying attention? He has two
personalities now! A cheap rip-off of King Sting and Fusion!
Angel – Two personalities?
BSW – He’s serious. One is gay and was born in Key West and the other is
well, you all know the other one.
JT – Yeah, two freaks for the price of one!
Angel – Great, all this fed needs! Another freak!
BSW – I have to agree with you there!
JT – I don’t! More freaks, the better! Just not that one! Gay freaks, we
Angel – Hey, we don’t need any gay bashing assholes here!
JT - *whimpers*
BSW – Anyway, there is a lot of controversy surrounding this match. If you
all remember, Psycho Jay defeated Vampyre earlier this month for a title
shot. However, since no one had specified for which title, Psycho Jay got
stuck with the TV Title and then Jamie handed Vampyre a North American Title
shot at this Pay-Per-View.
Angel – Right you are Scott! Jay was seriously pissed off in the recent
week. He’s been claiming that it should be him who gets the shot for the
North American Title and not Vampyre. However, Vampyre said that if he wins
the title tonight, and there is an extremely good chance of that happening,
that he will Jay a match with him. If Jay wins, he gets a title shot, if
Vampyre wins, down to the bottom of the barrel goes Jay. Jay has right to
be pissed! He was screwed out of this shot!
JT – I know something you could screw!
Angel – You dickless bastard!
BSW – Oooh, harsh! Also, Capital Punishment and Vampyre have some history
as well. Tell them about it JT.
JT – Ummm…
BSW – Ahem, yeah. Anyway, early in Vampyre’s career these two met in an
extremely good battle, in which Vampyre came out the winner. Then later on,
Vampyre joined the AAA, a stable in which Cappy already belonged to. These
two have battled as enemies and have been in each other’s corners. They
know each other like nobody else!
Angel – Yes, Cappy does know Vampyre, however, he does not know Vampress!
You never know when the two could switch out in this match! You never know
the gay guy might be the deciding factor in tonight’s match! We could have
a new champion!
JT – Hey! I thought you said we shouldn’t say anything about him being gay!
Angel – I said YOU couldn’t, not me!
JT – Stupid whore…
*smack smack smack*
BSW – Let’s just get to the match before JT is killed out here!
JT – (moaning) Good idea…
(The camera cuts to the ring as a half naked announcer gets into the ring.
Damn, is she ever hot!)
Hot Ring Announcer Lady – The following match is scheduled for one fall and
is for the North American Championship! First out is our challenger! What
a fruit loop this is! He stands at 6’ 5” and weighs in at 289 pounds! He
is… huh? Two names for one guy? Ok, whatever! THEY are John “Vampyre”
McRae and Sean “Vampress” McRae!
(“Mouth” by Bush (Disco Edit) blares over the PA system as the man steps out
onto the ramp. We really can’t tell which one this is, but that’s ok. He
is accompanied by Lindley Taber, but he stops at the entrance way and sends
Lindley back to the back. He’s actually following through on his word! He
continues his march to the ring alone. Well, kinda)
JT – DAMN HIM!!! He should have kept her out here!!!
Hot Ring Announcer Lady – Now coming down to the ring is our North American
Champion! He is a man who needs no introduction! He stands at 6’8” and
weighs in at 321 pounds! He is the master of the Death Penalty! He is
(“Sugar” by System of a Down blasts over the system, but is drowned out by
the audience boos. Wow, they really don’t like him! People throw stuff at
him from the stands, but it just bounces off and he laughs at them. As he
enters the ring, he turns his back on Vampyre/Vampress, whatever, and flips
off the audience as a final act of defiance. As he turns around, Vampyre
runs over him with a major clothesline!)
BSW – Oooh! That is one thing that you don’t do. You never turn your back
on that man! He’ll take advantage right away! He goes down for the quick
cover, but doesn’t even get a one count!
JT – What an idiot going for the cover this early! That must be the gay
one! Oh wait, no please don’t hit me!
Angel – (hesitates and shakes her head) Nah…
BSW – Anyway, Vampyre, or maybe it is Vampress, anyway, let’s just call him
The Split One. The Split One picks up Capital Punishment and starts to
drive his knees into the belly of Cappy. He goes for one last drive, but
Cappy blocks it by grabbing his leg and spins him around! As soon as his
foot hits the ground Cappy, slams his foot into The Split One’s back
knocking him face first into the ground.
JT – I don’t know, I’m gonna root for the freak! He needs all the help he
Angel – Cappy jumps on top of The Split One’s back and begins driving him
face first into the mat, over and over again! His face should be smashed by
now! He drops his head after the ref tries desperately to pull him off of
the fallen man. OOOH! As Cappy was stepping back, The Split One slammed
his foot up into the crotch of Cappy, knocking him to the ground! The ref
didn’t even see it!
JT – Look me in the eyes and tell me that a straight man would have done
something like that to any man.
BSW – You do have a point there! Anyway, that use of The Great Equalizer
knocked the momentum right out of Cappy’s step! Cappy goes down hard, and
The Split one doesn’t waste a second. He goes up to the top turnbuckle and
sets up for some kind of move. Oooh! A huge frog splash from the 289
pounder! He gets up and starts to kick Cappy repeatedly in the gut! The
ref is coming over now to break this up, but no! The Split One shove the
ref away and continues stomping on the fallen man! Thank God! He finally
stopped! What’s he doing now? He’s dragging Cappy to the middle of the
ring for something or another. What’s he doing? He grabs Cappy’s legs with
his arm and entwines his arms with his legs! What the hell is this?!? He
bridges, and he has Cappy in some sort of submission hold! Cappy is
screaming and the ref is checking with him!
JT – What an idiot! Give up you fool! You know you’re gonna lose anyway!
Angel – Anyway, Cappy keeps shaking his head! He just won’t give up! The
Split One is pissed! He reaches over and grabs the ropes with one of his
arms. He pulls it to give him more leverage! Thank God! The ref sees this
and pulls The Split One off of Cappy, whose limbs just fall to the floor
after being hurt so badly.
JT – Damn! We almost had a new champion!
BSW – Yeah, really! A few more seconds of that, and he would have been
gone! Cappy rolls out of the ring, trying to slow down this match. A good
move, as the ref is holding back The Split One from going after him!
JT – Come on ref! LET HIM GO! WE WANT BLOODSHED!!!
Angel – What? The ref is… listening to JT… What kind of crack has he bee
smoking?!? Nobody listens to JT!!!
JT – Hey, Nikki listened to me when I told her to suck me off!
*smack smack smack smack*
Angel – Just doin’ what I think she would do if she were here.
BSW – Actually, she would’ve don it much more than that, but ok!
Angel – Oh, ok. I’ll remember that next time!
JT – DAMMIT!
BSW – Anyway, The Split One has jumped out of the ring in search of his
unseen prey! He sees him! Cappy is over here leaning on a chair for
support while shaking his head, trying to clear out the cobwebs!
JT – What an idiot! Splitsie Boy’s gonna pounce on him!
BSW – I think you’re right! The Split One creeps closer and closer to
Cappy, and is lifting up his arms for an axe-handled smash! OOOOH!!!!
Cappy was playing possum! He lifted up that chair and smashed it into the
face of The Split One who wasn’t expecting that at all!!!
JT – BOOO!!! Cheap shot! BOOO!!!
Angel – Dammit! He’s right over here! You want him to come over here with
JT – Oh, well… no, actually.
Angel – That’s what I thought! That chair to the face leveled The Split
One, and now Cappy is beating him repeatedly with that chair on his head!
He has to be unconscious! Cappy finally drops the chair and rolls him into
the ring, where he just lies where he was rolled!
BSW – Cappy also jumps in and places a foot on The Split One’s chest, going
for a cocky cover!
BSW – You’re not gonna get a pin of that madman like that! Cappy should
have realized that!
Angel – He does now! He went for two elbow drops and is now going for a
REAL cover! This one is over folks!
BSW – How’d he kick out of that one?!? He must REALLY want that belt!
Angel – No, he’s just being an idiot! See what I mean, Cappy goes for some
stomps on the fallen man, but NO!!! The Split One catches his foot and
twists it hard, throwing Cappy to the mat! He gets up and grabs Cappy’s
legs again, winks at the audience and slams his head between them! Now you
know that had to hurt!
JT – If you noticed, he took a little longer than most to pull his head from
BSW – That’s just sick, JT.
JT – Well, he did! I’m only calling the match how I see it!
BSW – Just don’t call things like that anymore. Anyway, The Split One has
gotten up and runs to the opposite ropes, bounces off and drops to the
ground into a baseball slide, knocking Cappy out of the ring! Cappy
struggles to get up as The Split One goes to the top turnbuckle and waits
there. As Cappy gets up, he jumps and slams his arms into the back of Cappy
with a huge axe-handled smash! He could’ve broke some bones there with that
JT – You gotta risk a lot to get a big payoff! HAHA!! This is great!
Splitsie picks up the chair that was used on him and slams it over and over
into the head Cappy! OOOH!!! YEAH!!! That last crack split the skull of
Cappy wide open!
Angel – Wait a sec! What’s he doing? He’s coming this way! AHHH! Stop
JT – Come down, he probably just wants to say something like every other
idiot who does that!
(The Split One picks up the microphone from the announcing desk)
Vampyre – WHO’S THE BLOODY SPLIT ONE NOW, HUH?!?!?
Vampress – Calm down, silly! We all know we split him open!
Vampyre – Oh, ok…
(Vampyre puts the mic down and goes back to kicking the crap out of Cappy.
He keeps slamming his broken skull into the wall)
BSW – Well… that was… weird.
Angel – You can say that again! Anyway, The Split One slings Cappy into the
deadly steel stairs! Cappy collapses as he hits him, because our steel
steps don’t breakaway, like some companies!
BSW – I wonder who you could be talkin’ about! However, let us not engage
in such crappy things. Let’s get back to the match at hand.
JT – Yes, let’s! Unlike the idiotic piece of crap that we all love to hate,
Capital Punishment, The Split One is really letting loose a display of
affection here! It doesn’t seem as if he plans on letting Cappy stay in the
land of the living at all! COME ON!!!! WE WANT BLOOD!!!! WE WANT BLOOD!!!
Angel – Good God, you little prick! Calm the hell down!
JT – HEY! I thought you said you wouldn’t say anything…
BSW – That is more than the audiences at home need to know! Well, The Split
One seems to be doing just that! He drags him over by us! What the hell?
He’s picking up the chair, but he’s not using it! What’s his damn problem?
He slings Cappy into the barrier and runs after him! OOOH!!!! As soon as
Cappy hit that barrier, The Split One was on top of him with that chair!
Cappy’s bleeding all over the place!!! I think he’s finally done! He picks
up Cappy and sends him flying back into the ring!
Angel – That’s over 300 pounds of human flesh he’s throwing around!
JT – Well, he did say he was gonna go all out for this match!
BSW – The Split One follows Cappy into the ring by climbing to the top
turnbuckle! What’s he doing up there again? He’s not a high flyer!
JT – He’s too damn big to be a luchador!
BSW – HE JUMPS!!! OH MY WHAT A MOVE!!! He just jumped off, spun around,
and smashed into Cappy with his back! That’s one for the highlight reel!
Did you see the height on that!
JT – Didn’t I tell you he would win?
BSW – As much as I hate to say it, you did! The Split One goes for the
cover! This one is over folks!
BSW – He looks dead in there! How did he kick out of that?!?
Angel – He must really want to keep this belt!
JT – Why not? He keeps the belt, he keeps the big bucks!
Angel – Not everything in this sport is the money, you know!
JT – That’s not what you said before this match started!
Angel – Huh?
JT – Remember? “Oh, JT, yes, I wold love to suck you off for that much!”
*smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack
smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack
smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack*
JT – (collapses to the floor, passed out)
Angel – Dammit! That little bastard hurt my hand! (kicks JT in the gut)
BSW - Oooh, viscious!
Angel – You damn skippy!
BSW – (looking back at the ring) What the fuck?!?
(During that little smacking session, somehow Cappy got up and now he and
The Split One are going toe-to-toe)
BSW – How the hell did that happen? He was just basically dead a few
Angel – I don’t know, but now it’s getting’ good! Cappy’s battling back and
he gets ready to lay a huge right in the face of The Split One! OOOH! A
major DDT sends Cappy crashing back to the mat, and messes up that wound on
his head! BLOOD IS SPILLING EVERYWHERE!!!
JT – (mumbling in his unconscious state) Blood? (he begins to get up)
Angel – Did I say you could get up?!? (kicks JT in the face, knocking him
JT – (blood gurgles out of his broken mouth) Blood…
BSW – Well, ummm, ok. Anyway, The Split One has picked up Cappy and… what’s
he doing? No way, that’s just cruel and humiliating!
Angel – He is! He’s setting Cappy up for the Death Penalty! That’s Cappy’s
BSW – OOOH!!! He connects!!! The Split One for the cover again!
BSW – Something’s wrong with this! There is no man alive who could have
kicked out in the state Cappy is in!!!
Angel – It must all be instinctive by now!!! He’s not thinking, that’s for
BSW – You’re right about that! Anyway, The Split One goes back to try that
submission move he had on Cappy earlier! It has to work now, because Cappy
is knocked out!
Angel – What’s happening? He has the move locked on, and Cappy is
unconscious, but the ref’s not calling the match! He’s not calling the
match! The Split One has this thing won, but the ref’s not gonna give it to
BSW – And The Split One is pissed! He goes up to the ref and shoves him
across the ring! The ref gets up and gets in The Split One’s face, warning
him that he will throw out this match if he lays another hand on him! HE IS
PISSED! The Split One walks back to Cappy and picks up the broken down man.
Angel – I’m not sure if he is a man anymore!
BSW – I know, he got destroyed here tonight! Almost like the last time
these two met! The Split One has Cappy up and slings him into the ropes!
He runs back to the opposite ropes, bounce off and OOOH!!! He connects with
Cappy in the center with a major spear! IT’S THE HEART-PIERCING STAKE
FOLKS!!! That’s Vampyre’s finisher! The submission hold must be
Vampress’s!!! What’s this?!?
Angel – Psycho Jay runs down to the ring with a huge wooden…cross? What’s
he doing? He jumps into the ring with it, and where’s the ref?
BSW – There he is! He’s being distracted by Jay Taylor who is dressed up as
a woman! What a sick ref! It’s obvious that’s a man under those clothes!
Jay Taylor keeps flashing the ref, who puts his lips together and keeps
saying Mommy over and over again! What a sick little man!
Angel – On the other end of the ring, Psycho lifts the cross to smash The
Split One with it, who is covering Cappy, and he brings it down! WHOA!!
The Split One rolls out of the way and the cross smashes Cappy!!!
BSW – CAPPY IS DEAD FOLKS!!! THERE IS NO WAY HE COULD LIVE AFTER THAT
Angel – Really, Scott, get a life! When was the last time someone actually
died like that?
BSW – Good point. Anyway, Jay realizes he missed and goes to smack Vampyre
with it again! The Split One goes for a kick to the gut, but Jay
anticipates it, and flips him around! He takes that huge cross and crushes
The Split One with it in the back of his head!!! The Split One is out!!
Jay pulls Cappy over Vampyre and lets him pin him!!! DAMN JAY!!! DAMN HIM
TO HELL!!! Taylor pushes the ref around as Psycho Jay exits the ring. The
ref is confused about what just happened, but goes down to count!
BSW – This is pure bullshit!!! The Split One had this match won!!! DAMN
Angel – He may have had this won, but Jay turned that all around! We still
have the same champion! Capital Punishment is still our North American
WINNER – CAPITAL PUNISHMENT
JT – (waking up again and spits out a couple of teeth) Wha-what happened?
Did someone win?
Angel – Yeah, Cappy won again!
JT – HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?!? Everyone here and at home watching
knows that The Split One destroyed every fiber of Cappy’s being!!!
BSW – We know, but Psycho Jay ran in and…
JT – THAT DIRTY SON OF A BITCH WHORE!!!
Angel – For once, I agree with you!
BSW – I’m sorry to say it, but I do too… Anyway, we’ll see you in a few
folks for tonight’s main event! We’ll be back after the ring is cleaned up!
BSW: Well, it all has come down to this.
JT: THE UTTER OBLITERATION MATCH! YEAH!
Angel: This should turn out to be a classic main event.
JT: THE UTTER OBLITERATION MATCH! YEAH!
BSW: Um, okay! Let's get to the ring.
("Alright (Oh yeah)" by Local H starts as Dane Wilt walks out. The crowd boos
him A LOT! They begin to throw beer at him as he walks to the announce
position. He sits down and puts on a head set.)
Wilt: Well, I thought I would join you for this match. You guys don't mind.
JT: Of course not Dane. I can call you Dane, right?
JT: Right Dane.
BSW: Well Dane, why are you here?
Wilt: Well, as EVERYONE knows, I'm next in line to get a world's title shot.
In other words, the winner gets to lose to me. I'm going to be here first
hand to see who wins this thing.
Wilt: Hey, Angel. You, me, after the show.
Angel: Um....we'll see.
JT: How come I never get that reaction?
Wilt: Because you don't have a nine inch dick.
JT: Hey, it's not size that matters. It's what you do with it.
Wilt: HA! Yeah. Sure. Whatever.
BSW: Well, let's introduce the wrestlers!
Meygon: Ladies and gentlemen. It is now time....FOR THE UTTER OBLITERATION
(The fans cheer.)
Meygon: First, coming to the ring, standing 6 foot 11 and weighing 350
pounds. He is the master of the ZombiePLex. The two time IWO World champion.
HE IS ZOMBIE!
("Come as You Are" by Nirvana plays as Zombie walks out. The fans boo him
extremely. Some people throw cups at him. He gets into the ring and taunts
Wilt: Hey man! THE BHB PINNED YOU FAIRLY! ONE, TWO, THREE! AND IF YOU BEAT
KELL, I'LL DO THE SAME!
BSW: You don't really like Zombie do you?
Wilt: What do you think Webber?
Meygon: Next, coming to the ring. He stands 6 foot 2 inches and weighs 255
pounds. He is the first THREE TIME IWO World champion. HE IS PHELEN KELL!
("Sober" by TOOL starts as Phelen Kell walks out to a HUGE pop from the
crowd. It is leterally deafening in the arena. Phelen Kell slaps the hand of
each fans as he walks by. He jumps into the ring and just stares at Dane
Wilt: Hey man. Your chick wanted ME! I can't help it if she talks about me
all the time!
BSW: You don't like Phelen Kell either, do you?
Wilt: What do you think idiot.
*Ding, Ding, Ding!*
Wilt: Here we go as both jobbers tie up in the middle of the ring. We see
Kell, the jobber, get the upper hand and throws Zombo, the jobber, into the
ropes. Zombo, the jobbers, slides under the bottom rope and goes over the
retaining barrier through the fans. Looks like he's going after MY title.
JT: Yeah Dane. YOUR title.
Wilt: Don't call me Dane.
JT: Sure Da, uh, Mister Wilt.
Wilt: That's better.
Angel: Well, Phelen Kell and his hot ass slide out of the ring and go after
Zombie. Some fans are chasing after them.
JT: Hey, I've got a hot ass too.
Wilt: God JT, you come out seeming SO needy. If you ever want to pick up
Angel or Nikki, you're going to have to stop seeming like some perverted
little perverted thing.
JT: Hey, I'm taking notes Dane.
Wilt: That did it.
(Dane Wilt stands up and kicks JT in the ribs. He then grabs him and puts him
in the Box Office Smash (Shooting Star Press into DDT) off the table. JT lies
Wilt: Hey, sorry guys. I'm going to go and follow these two with my remote
camera man. Angel. I'll see you in the back.
(Dane Wilt walks off.)
BSW: I thought you hated JT?
Angel: Yeah, but he didn't have to do THAT!
BSW: Well, back to the match. We now have Zombie and Kell battling down the
consession stand hallway. KELL JUST THREW ZOMBIE INTO A HOT DOG STAND!
(Dane Wilt approaches the hot dog stand.)
Wilt: I'll take it from here. Kell, the jobber, just tossed Zombie, the
jobber, into a thing of scolding hot mustard. Kell now has a vat of ketchup.
He throws it RIGHT into Zombo of Job. He now grabs Zombo's hand. Tosses it
right into the hto dog cooker! Looks like he cause a small greese fire. Uh,
that can't be good.
Angel: No duh!
(We see a Dane Wilt super fan run up and hand him a fire extingusher.)
Super Fan: Here you go champ.
Wilt: Thanks, you jobber.
Super Fan: HE CALLED ME A JOBBER! AWESOME!
(The super fan runs off.)
BSW: What the f*ck was that?
Angel: Don't ask me. I just work here.
Wilt: Back to the match. (Dane Wilt puts the fire with the extinguisher.)
I'VE SAVED THE DAY! I'M A HERO! BRING ON THE BIG BREASTED WOMEN THAT ARE
HORNEY BECAUSE I'VE SAVED THEM!
BSW: Uh, Dane.
Wilt: Yeah Scott?
BSW: I don't think anyone is too grateful. You just put out a small grease
Wilt: SHUT UP WEBBER! You are just jealous of my nine inch dick.
BSW: Whatever you say Wilt.
Wilt: Hey, when I'm champ, you're DEFFINENTLY getting fired! We now have Kell
throwing some raw hot dogs onto Zombo. Zombo doesn't look too good. All hot
dogged up like he is. Kell now leaves going after the rafters and the belt.
Angel: Zombie gets up and staggers after Kell.
Wilt: Hey, Zombo! You forgot something!
(Zombie turns around and throws some relish in his eyes.)
BSW: ZOMBIE HAS BEEN BLINDED BY DANE WILT! HE CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!
Angel: I think the crowd knows what blinded means Scott.
BSW: That was low Angel.
Angel: I'm sorry. This whole JT thing has gotten me messed up.
BSW: This is totaly messed up.
Wilt: Well Zombo, no for you to get yours.
BSW: GOOD GOD! Dane Wilt dives onto Zombie and starts delivering blows into
his skull. You can hear the fist hitting the skull!
Angel: He pulls Zombie up and throws him into the T-shirt table! He grabs a
Zombie T-shirt and spits on it! He's now choking Zombie with it.
Wilt: There you go Zombo! Nobody cares about you OR your shirt!
Angel: Wilt lifts Zombie up. ZOMBIEPLEX THROUG THE TABLE! WILT JUST GAVE
ZOMBIE A ZOBIEPLEX THROUGH THE TABLE!
BSW: Insult to injury!
Wilt: Come on Zombo! Get up! Kell is about to get the belt!
BSW: Zombie staggers up and runs after Kell. AW! Wilt put his foot out and
Zombie trips foward! He slides about ten feet!
Angel: That can't be good for Zombie's ego.
BSW: Well, Zombie gets up and races down the hall. Dane Wilt, with his remote
camera guy, follow.
Wilt: Yes, that's right. We are now chasing after Zombie who is chasing after
Phelen Kell in the business part of the arena. Aparently, neither of these
idiots can find a door to the rafters. Maybe it has something to do with the
fact that I changed all the signs before the match began!
BSW: That's pretty mean Wilt.
Wilt: Hey, I'm the future champ. I can do what I want and no one can touch
Angel: Well, now nobody knows where to go!
Wilt: Hey, it makes for a longer match!
BSW: Well, we now have both men fighting in the general managers office. Kell
lifts Zombie up, and a pump handle slam onto the general manager's table!
Angel: Nice move. WAIT! We have security coming in now!
Wilt: Yeah, that's right. I took the liberty of calling in security to get
these two out of the general manager's office. Here they come. Beating Kell
with their night sticks. There you go. Yeah. You ESCORT him out of here. Hey,
check his gym bag. He's on roids you know. Yeah. Do the same to Zombie. Get
those night sticks out. Oh. He's kinda knocked out now. USE THE TEAR GAS!
Angel: They just threw tear gas onto Zombie! That could really hurt his
BSW: You think?
Wilt: Well, we now have Kell looking around for the rafters. Let's get an
Kell: Leave me the hell alone Wilt!
Wilt: Just a few questions. How does it fell to know that your wife wants
your greatest rival, namely, Dane Wilt?
Kell: Shut up!
BSW: Kell tries to punch Wilt, but Wilt ducks and kicks him in the ribs. FACE
LIFT! That knocks Kell out!
Wilt: Well, we now have Zombo and Kell knocked out, thanks to yours truly,
Genetic Perfection Dane Wilt. I guess this means I should go and check on
Angel: Well, Wilt just went back into the general managers office to, um,
check on Zombie.
Wilt: ZOMBO! YO! ZOMBO! (Wilt checks Zombie's face.) OH NO! He's all knocked
out. I guess this means I need to revive him! (Wilt walks over and picks up a
pot of scolding hot coffee.) This should wake ole Zombo up!
BSW: OUCH! Wilt just poured that entire pot of burning hot coffee onto
Angel: Poor Zombie!
Wilt: Well, it looks like Zombo still isn't up. Damn! Hmmmm, how can I wake
Zombo up? I KNOW!
BSW: Wilt pulls Zombie up. FACE LIFT! If Zombie wasn't knocked out before, he
Wilt: MAN! He's STILL knocked out! How to wake Zombo up......I'VE GOT IT!
Hey, Zombo! The BHB pinned you FAIRLY!
Angel: It looks like that comment has revived Zombie!
Wilt: Well, Zombo is FINALLY up! Now, to take him out. AGAIN!
BSW: OOH! Wilt just closed lined Zombie over the table. Wilt now leaves the
general manager's office with Zombie staggering after him.
Wilt: Well, now that we have Zombo up, time to check to be sure Kell got his
wake up call. (Wilt approaches a knocked out Kell.) Hmmm, Kell is knocked out
STILL! I REALLY underestimated the Face Lift. I know how to get him up!
(A really UGLY woman approaches Wilt.)
Cristi: Yash swat thang?
Wilt: Kell here thinks your hot.
(The woman kisses Kell.)
Kell: (Opening his eyes.)
ANGEL: GOOD GOD!
Wilt: Cristi, get lost.
Cristi: OK swat thang!
(The woman walks away.)
Wilt: Well, now that I have single handedly saved this match, let's let the
two men fight some more!
BSW: Finally, Zombie and Kell meet up again. Close line ducked by Kell,
Belly-to-belly to Zombie. He pulls Zombie up and tosses into a door. Where
are they now?
Angel: The ladies room!
BSW: Man, I bet JT is going to hate being knocked out!
Wilt: That's right, we're now in the ladies room. For all those people at the
Parent's Television Consoul, turn off the TV.
BSW: Kell now has Zombie and lifts him up. He takes him into a stall. HE JUST
GAVE ZOMBIE A SWIRLY!
Angel: That has to bruise Zombie's ego.
Wilt: Well, it looks like Kell has succesfully embarved Zombo. Again. Kell
just ran out of the ladies room and continues his search for the rafters.
Now, it's time for me to annoy Zombo again. I'll just take this liquid soap
Zombie: AHH! MY EYES!
Wilt: You guessed it! I'll squirt this stuff into Zombo's eyes! God, with all
the stuff happening to Zombo's eyes in this one, he'll end up blind!
Angel: Does IWO health insurance cover becoming blind on the job?
BSW: It covers alien abduction, so I guess it'll cover someone becoming
Angel: So, if aliens take me up in the UFO, I get money when I get back?
BSW: Pretty much.
Wilt: I am now following Phelen Kell who is STILL searching for the door to
the rafters. The funny thing is, I know where the door is! Hey Kell!
Kell: What is it Wilt?
Wilt: We can play of game of warmer/colder. I'll tell you when you are
getting closer to the rafters.
Kell: shut up!
Wilt: Well, you're pretty warm at this point.
Kell: I don't care!
Wilt: Gee, and I was going to tell you where the door was. Now, I feel hurt.
I may just go and tell Zombo. Nah! I hate both of you.
BSW: Well, in case you are just joining us fans, Dane Wilt has hidden all the
signs to rooms in the arena, so we have both of our fighters searching for
Angel: AND JT IS KNOCKED OUT!
BSW: Yes, and Dane Wilt knocked out JT.
BSW: I'm afraid it's true.
Wilt: Yeah. Now I'm here reporting LIVE from the ladies room. We have Zombo
here who can't see a damn thing. He's kinda just wandering around at this
point. Zombo. How does it feel to be blind?
Zombie: I'm gonna get you you son of a bitch!
Wilt: I'll take that as a, "Pretty bad Dane."
Zombie: Where are you! CAN'T......SEE.......ANYTHING!
Wilt: Hey, this could turn out to be pretty fun!
(Wilt taps Zombie on his shoulder. Zombie swings, but Dane ducks.)
Zombie: Damn! I'm gonna get you Wilt!
Wilt: Hmmm, how to annoy Zombo now. Let me think.
BSW: Dane Wilt with a Face Lift to Zombo, uh, Zombie!
Angel: He puts Zombie's head in the sink and turns on the water!
Wilt: I'm just going to leave him alone till he wakes up.
BSW: Dane Wilt leaves the ladies room and locks the door behind him.
Angel: And he left the water running!
BSW: Well, it appears Wilt had caught up with Kell again.
Wilt: Gee Phel, you have no idea where you are going, do you.
Kell: Not really! Thanks to you taking all the signs!
Wilt: Hey, this is not my fopa. It's your fopa.
Wilt: Big hefty stinking fopa! You doing all the stuff you have to me caused
me to move the signs.
Kell: Excuse me!?! You've done all the stuff to me!
Wilt: Oh yeah! I did, didn't I! OOPS!
Kell: Screw you. I'm going to go find the rafters.
Wilt: Good luck!
Kell: SHUT UP!
Wilt: Well, seeing has Kell has COMPLETELY blown me off, I'm going to go
check on ole Zombo.
BSW: You know, Wilt has succesfully split these two wrestlers apart in this
Angel: I guess it's all part of some evil plan of his.
BSW: Could be. Well, he is no to the women's room door. WHERE WATER IS COMING
OUT FROM UNDER THE DOOR!?!
Wilt: Hmmm. I wonder what's up with this?
(Wilt opens the door. Water shoots out from the door and begins to flood the
hallway. Zombie floats out. He is no longer blind and he is pissed.)
Zombie: I'm gonna get you Wilt!
Angel: Well, we now have the arena flooding and Zombie along with the ride!
Wilt is running away from the water at this point!
BSW: Wouldn't you?
(Wilt runs by Kell.)
Kell: What's the rush?
(Kell turns around and sees all the water coming at him.)
BSW: We now have Kell and Wilt running for their lives!
Angel: Hey, we are safe from the water.
BSW: Well, I would think so, but just in case.
(BSW hands Angel a rain coat and hat. He puts some on himself. He then pulls
out a blow up raft. He begins to blow it up.)
Angel: How long is that going to take?
(BSW continues to blow up the raft.)
Angel: Umm, go to Wilt and Kell.
(We see Wilt and Kell running down the hallway. They are followed by a large
group of people and the water.)
Wilt: Hey Kell!
Kell: What is it....Wilt?
Wilt: Go to hell!
(Wilt trips Kell and Kell flies backward. He crashes into all the people
behind him. They all fall down and are swallowed up by the water.)
Wilt: That's how I get things done!
(We go back to Angel and BSW. They sit in the fully inflated raft with some
water covering the arena floor. The fans don't seem to care. They are all
Angel: Well, we now have found out that, yes, the entire arena is flooding.
Fortunately, Scott is ready for anything and had a raft ready. Why, is beyond
BSW: Hey, I'm an Eagle Scout. Remember, be prepared.
Angel: A raft for a commentating a Pay-per-view?
BSW: I'M AN EAGLE SCOUT!
Angel: We now go to Dane Wilt is, um, somewhere.
(We see Dane Wilt run into the Billion Dollar Promotion locker room. We see
the BHB and Chrome Thunder sitting there.)
Wilt: Guys! The arena is flooding!
Brian: We've got to get to the luxury box!
Chrome Thunder: Run!
Michael: WAIT! Shouldn't we warn the other wrestlers.
(The Promotion looks at each other.)
(They all run out of the room.)
BSW: AW! Very HEROIC there!
(We look at the arena floor again. The water has covered the ring and most of
the fans are floating.)
Angel: As you can see, the arena is almost completely flooded.
(The camera starts shaking and we hear vibrations.)
BSW: What's that?
(Just then, part of the wall of the arena explodes and water bursts out. The
water begins to rise quicker. We se Zombie and Phelen Kell fly out with the
Angel: And to think, this whole thing started when Dane Wilt left the water
BSW: Hey, is JT covered in all that water?
Angel: OH MY GOD!
(Angel dives into the water and swims to water covered floor. She goes to the
announce table and grabs JT. She swims him back to the raft and puts him in.)
Angel: Is he....dead?
JT: (Gasping.) Hey? Don't I get mouth to mouth?
BSW: Well, JT is back. Finally!
JT: What have I missed?
Angel: The whole match pretty much!
JT: Why is the arena flooding?
Angel: Well, Dane Wilt left the water running!
BSW: It's a REALLY long story!
JT: I'd love to hear it.
Angel: We'll tell you later!
BSW: Let's see. We have and unconsionce Phelen Kell and Zombie floating on
top of the water. That's actually pretty boring, so let's take you to the
(We got to the luxury box and see the entire Billion Dollar Promotion
sitting, smoking cigars, drinking bourbon, and watching the PPV on close
Wilt: This is awesome.
Michael: Yeah. Next month, you get your title shot and you get to face the
winner of this one. I don't think he'll be even 50 percent for it.
(Just then, the glass in front of the luxury box begins to crack.)
Brian: What the f*ck is going on?
(We see the window is covered with water.)
Chrome Thunder: Damn. Gentlemen, meet after this thing is done for some Cuban
Wilt: Cool. Well, until then.
(The window smashes open and the room is filled with water. All of the
Promotion is washed out of the room and crash toward the water below. They
hit the water with a splash.)
JT: I WANT A CUBAN CIGAR!
BSW: You can get one later.
JT: I WANT ONE NOW!
Angel: Well, we are now at the very top of the arena with water! IN FACT,
WE'RE AT THE ROOF! WE'LL BE KILLED!
JT: This could be bad.
Angel: WHY DIDN'T HE TURN THE WATER OFF!?!
(We go to the outside of the arena. Just then, a large hole pops from one of
the walls. Another, and another. Then, the arena begins to shake.
The arena explodes with water going everywhere.
We see bodies lying everywhere. Mostly drunk fans. We see the announcers in
their boat in complete shock. We then see Zombie and Phelen Kell lying
motionless next to each other. And so we close on two great warriors lying
dead. We now know an important lesson. Violence isn't the answer.)
(NAH! We make our money on fighting! Both men stagger up and look at each
JT: We've got our remote announce system set up now, and here we go!
BSW: Zombie tries to spear Kell, but Kell jumps up! Kell lands and delivers a
kick to Zombie's ribs!
Angel: Kell lifts Zombie up. PILE DRIVER!
JT: HE LANDED HIM ON A MOTIONLESS DRUNK FAN!
BSW: Well, that's the drunk fan's problem. Zombie Jumps up and delivers a low
blow to Kell.
JT: That can't be good for Kell. Zombie sets him up for a powerbomb. NO! Kell
pushes Zombie up and onto the concrete. This time, no drunk fan blocked the
Angel: Kell grabs Zombie's legs and puts him in a scorpian death lock! Zombie
is tapping out, but that's not how you win the match! Kell has to release the
hold! He could break Zombie's legs!
BSW: We now apparently have looters among the fans. They are looking for the
Wolrd title belt to pawn!
Angel: Good God! What has the Wolrd come to?
(Just then, a looter grabs Zombie's boot and rips it off.)
Looter: I have Zombie's boot! THIS SHOULD BRING IN AT LEAST 25 DOLLARS!
BSW: Zombie grabs the looter and puts him in a ZombiePlex! He gets the boot
and puts it back on. You know, a wrestler without two boots has no reason to
JT: The looters are now going after the ring. Amazingly, the ring is in
Angel: Well, the looters just stole the ring canvas and ring apron. We've now
got some security with tear gas. That'll stop those looters!
BSW: OH NO! THEY JUST SPRAYED ZOMBIE WITH TEAR GAS!
Angel: THAT MARKS THE SECOND TIME ZOMBIE HAS BEEN SPRAYED WITH TEAR GAS
JT: Poor guy!
BSW: Kell grabs Zombie again and puts him in a Walls of Jericho type hold.
Zombie is tapping out again! You know if this match had regular rules, Kell
would have won LONG ago!
JT: Well, these aren't regular rules, are they Scott!?! Zombie will win this
thing! I can garuantee it!
Angel: Kell let's go and grabs what appears to be an empty can of tear gas.
OUCH! He nails Zombie in the head with it! Zombie is busted open all over!
BSW: Wait a minute! Someone just handed Kell a can of lemon juice!
JT: Excuse me?
BSW: Someone handed Kell a can of lemon juice!
JT: Who in Hell would do that?
(We go into see some drunken fan who has cans and cans of drinks. Why are all
fans here drunk? Maybe it's because the first five beers are free.)
Angel: Well, we've got some juice fan. Maybe he's a looter who got what
remains of the concession stand.
BSW: Could be. Well, Kel opens the can of lemon juice AND POURS IT ALL OVER
JT: That will really make those wounds hurt!
BSW: Kell pulls Zombie up. Running powerbomb! Shades of the original Hostile
Youth! Zombie could be dead!
JT: Kell's calling for something. He hooks the legs. MALICIOUS INTENT! Zombie
is yelling in pain and tapping out! HE JUST PASSED OUT!
BSW: He has no way to defend himself! Kell finally releases, but Zombie could
Angel: It's payback time! Kell lifts Zombie up. DVD!
JT: Somebody stop this!
BSW: Kell lifts him up again. Belly-to-belly!
JT: This can't happen!
Angel: Kell pulls Zombie's head up. LOOK AT ZOMBIE! He has like five missing
teeth, blood flowing from his mouth and nose, and blood coming out everywhere
BSW: He could die!
BSW: MASSIVE RIGHT TO ZOMBIE'S FACE!
JT: There is a pool of blood under Zombie! He must have lost gallons!
BSW: I seriuosly think Zombie could die here, right now! This needs to stop!
Angel: We've got soem paramedics coming out. They have just put Zombie onto a
stretcher and are wheeling him toward the ambulance.
BSW: Kell looks pretty mad! He wasn't done with Zombie!
JT: The paramedics have just loaded Zombie into the ambulance. They are
getting ready to go. WAIT! IT'S THE BILLION DOLLAR PROMOTION!
BSW: They just attacked the ambulance driver! They've knocked him out! The
paramedics have run off. we've got the entire Promotion in the back with
Zombie. They just opened the doors. THEY PUSHED ZOMBIE ON THE STRETCHER OUT
JT: NO! THEY'VE DRIVEN THE AMBULANCE AWAY! ZOMBIE NEEDS MEDICAL HELP!
BSW: TOO BAD! Kell grabs Zombie by the throat and is choking him to death!
Angel: Kell pulls Zombie up. DOUBLE ARM DDT!
BSW: Kell grabs Zombie from behind. RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX!
Angel: Kell now has a folding chair. HE DRIVES IT INTO ZOMBIE'S THROAT!
BSW: He puts Zombie's head between the chair. HE STOMPS IT SHUT!
JT: That could crush Zombie's skull!
BSW: I think there is blood coming from Zombie's eye!
JT: HE IS DEAD!
Angel: No, but he's pretty close!
JT: What does Kell have now!?! OH NO!
BSW: IT'S THE HISTORY BOOK! THE SAME BOOK USED BY ZOMBIE LAST MONTH! KELL
WINDS BACK! HE BROKE THE DAMN BOOK OVER ZOMBIE'S HEAD!
Angel: WAIT! ZOMBIE IS SAYING SOMETHING!
Zombie: I...I...I give up.
(Zombie passes out.)
JT: HE GAVE UP!
BSW: BUT THE MATCH DOESN'T END UNTIL ONE OF THEM FINDS THE BELT!
Angel: Kell now has a, a, a bat! HE DRIVES IT INTO ZOMBIE'S RIGHT ARM! NOW
BSW: HE JUST TOOK OUT BOTH KNEE CAPS!
JT: NO! NOW KELL JUST SPIT ON ZOMBIE!
BSW: What can Kell do now!?! He's nearly killed Zombie!
JT: HE'S DOING SOMETHING!
BSW: Kell grabs Zombie and takes him onto what remains of the ring. He pulls
Zombie to the top. He turns to the concrete! HE SETS HIM UP! STEEL RAIN (Top
Rope Powerbomb)! ONTO THE CONCRETE! ZOMBIE IS BUSTED OPEN! HE COULD BE DEAD!
Kell: Now, to find that forsaken belt!
BSW: Well, Kell is now looking through all of the knocked out, um, drunk fans
for the title. Hey, isn't that the woman Dane Wilt had kiss Kell early?
Cristi was her name.
JT: I wouldn't know. I was knocked out.
(Cristi looks pretty bad. Yeah, even worse then before. She has some blood on
her. She looks around and picks up the......THE WORLD TITLE BELT!)
Cristi: Hey, doesh anywan mend if A pawn tish?
(Kell runs up to her and pulls the title out of her hands.)
Kell: Give me the damn belt!
Cristi: O KAY SWAT THANG!
JT: KELL WINS!
BSW: KELL WINS!
Angel: KELL WINS!
Meygon: (Gasping.) Ladies and gentlemen. The winner...AND STILL IWO WORLD'S
CHAMPION, PHELEN KELL!
BSW: HE DID IT!
Angel: HE FOUGHT TWO MEN! HE FOUGHT THROUGH A DESTROYED ARENA! BU HE DID IT!
BSW: LET'S GO TO KELL!
(We go to Phelen Kell holding his title. Just then, we hear a familiar
Familiar Voice: Hey, Kell.
(Kell turns around only to receive a Face Lift from Dane Wilt. Kell collapses
dropping his belt next to him.)
Wilt: You may have won this match Kell, but I'm better than Zombo. I've
beaten you before Kell, and it's only a matter of time before I'M champ!
There's not ducking me next month!
(A limo pulls up and honks at Wilt. The door opens and we see the entire
Billion Dollar Promotion in it. Brian has Caren Dudley in his arm, Michael
has some other hot woman, and the same goes for Chrome Thunder. There is one
saved for Dane Wilt.)
Michael: Come on Dane. We've got to go!
Wilt: Cool. Let's go.
(Dane Wilt jumps into the limo. The limo speeds off into the night. We then
go to the announcers.)
BSW: What a night! We have Kell STILL the champ and a destroyed arena!
JT: Well, Dane Wilt attacked Zombie!
Angel: Sorry JT! He attacked Kell just as much if not more! Zombie has lost
and lost fairly! KELL IS THE CHAMP!
JT: Yeah, but for how long? Dane Wilt does have a shot coming!
BSW: Indeed he does. Well fans, for JT, Angel, and myself. I'm Big Scott
Webber! We'll see you next month! GOOD NIGHT!
JT: Now, explain to me what happened.
(The scene fades to black and a promo for the next IWO PPV.)
NOBODY THOUGHT WE'D MAKE IT THIS FAR.
EVERYBODY THOUGHT WE'D DIE OUT.
BUT WE'RE STILL HERE.
THE PPV THAT MADE KICKED THE IWO BEYOND ANYONE'S IMAGINATION IS BACK.
IT'S GONNA BE A COLD, COLD NIGHT.
ICE AGE 2.
LIVE, DECEMBER 26TH, 1999
WORLD TITLE MATCH: DANE WILT V. PHELEN KELL -C-
The End (for real).
"Hope you’re hungry! ‘Cause I got a Knuckle Sandwich... WITH YOUR NAME ON IT!"
- Lunchbox Larry