CONTENT

CHILLIN' WITH COLT - EP.004

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Colton Thorpe welcomes UTA Superfan, Kevin Jones, onto the set of CWC!

The scene fades in on Colton Thorpe, seated behind his custom made milk crate desk. Under the blazer draped on his shoulders, he wears a white, buttoned up, collar shirt as opposed to bare chesting it like before. The spray painted bed sheet that once hung in the background has been replaced with a new "Chillin' With Colt" sign, neatly hung.

Thorpe: Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the latest instalment of CWC. Before we get into the thick of things, I need to address the UTA fan base as a whole.

Colt leans forward, gazing deeply into the camera as if to make eye contact with every viewer.

Thorpe: This past Tuesday in Washington, as all of you know, a UTA meet and greet took place. The event was clouded by lewd comments and actions, committed by yours truly, aimed at the fans in attendance. I've since been informed that such behaviour is unacceptable and punishable by the UTA brass.

Colts eyes drop down, his shoulders slump. His body language and monotone voice share little to no remorse.

Thorpe: If I could go back and do it all over again, I would. Now mind you, it wouldn't be due to regretting anything I said or did, because that would be a lie. I just really don't like the punishment I've been levied, and keeping my mouth shut would of been the lesser of two evils.

An arrogant smirk spreads across his face as he leans back in his chair.

Thorpe: With that said, I've invited a UTA superfan onto the show today to begin remedying the pain that I've caused. I have presented him the opportunity to share his own personal insight on the state of the company, and give a fan's perspective on what could take the UTA to the next level. Remember though, the opinions he expresses are HIS opinions, not necessarily mine. So, at this time I'd like to welcome superfan, Kevin Jones!

A lanky, middle aged man steps into frame. Decked out in dress slacks and an orange polo, he carries with him a couple pieces of paper. Sitting down, Colt and Kevin share a handshake.

Thorpe: Kevin, welcome to the fourth edition of the hottest webshow currently littering the cyber community.

Kevin immediately looks down at the papers in his hand and begins reading in a monotone voice.

Jones: The pleasure is all mine Mr. Thorpe. It is such an honour to be in the presence of an established megastar like yourself.

Thorpe: Oh stop it you. I'm just flesh and bones like everyone else on this planet.

Both men share an awkward smile in the direction of the camera before continuing with this nonsense.

Thorpe: Now Kevin, what do you think of the current product being produced today?

Jones: The majority of it is a borefest, to be honest. For example, I believe that your match up with Ron Hall is a waste of your God given abilities. In fact, the likes of Hall, Chris Hopper and Crimson Lord should all begin to research retirement living centers and start worrying about the next phase of their lives.

Thorpe: Wow, I couldn't agree more. Well, how's about my career path. What can I do to get out of the abyss that is card openers against nobodies and has beens?

Jones: Join Dynasty.

Thorpe: Well, sausage parties really aren't my scene. Are there any other options?

Jones: Nope. Dynasty is the UTA. I mean, take Kendrix for example. Prior to Dynasty, he was a Rick Grimes lookalike. Since joining, every time Wrestleshow or Victory comes back from commercial break, his face is the first thing we are privileged to see. For some reason, during matches as well...

Thorpe: Well let's not jump the gun and take a crap all over Dynasty, that is only one example.

Jones: Well how about Mikey Unlikely? That...wait what's that word?

Kevin holds the papers up for Colt to see. He squints trying to find the place on script, soon discovering it.

Thorpe: Turd Nugget.

Jones: Oh, sorry about...

Thorpe: Just continue Kev.

Jones: That turd nugget accomplished nothing in his initial run. He disappears briefly, returns as a member of Dynasty and BOOM! He is a made man.

Thorpe: How so?

Jones: He gets a warm up match against MVC. Then his second match is a Legacy Title shot against John Sektor. Then he gets to participate in the Ace In The Hole ladder match for his third. I'm telling you Colt, put on a Dynasty shirt and watch your career take a one eighty in regards to opportunities.

Thorpe: That is a compelling argument you make Kev. But let's be honest, the Chamber and Ace In The Hole matches aren't all Dynasty members. It's close, mind you.

Jones: You are right, the rest are losers from the Ring King tournament. That was where you went wrong. You didn't make it oversees in time to get a spot in the bracket, quickly get eliminated, then receive opportunity after opportunity.

Thorpe: You know, it really doesn't seem fair when you put it like that.

Jones: Oh it isn't fine sir. Look at Lew Smith. He is a perfect example of the fortunes provided to a competitor eliminated extremely early from the tournament. Upon getting bounced, he is rewarded with a World Title shot. When he loses that match, management immediately gives him the first spot in the ladder match to fight for another shot at the top prize.

Thorpe: So what you're saying is I shouldn't be surprised when he loses at Ring King, then main events the next Wrestleshow with a World Title shot?

Kevin tosses the first page aside, before quickly reading off the second.

Jones: Yes.

Thorpe: Well let's try and look at the positives here: I was named 'Superstar Of The Week' prior to Alex Beckman taking the most recent honour. 

Jones: And in that same week you were cut from the Wrestleshow broadcast entirely. But don't worry, Dynasty appeared a collective fifty three times.

Colt slouches in his chair, biting on the inside of his bottom lip. He has a defeated look, while Kevin looks around, awkwardly waiting for Colt to speak.

Thorpe: Tis depressing indeed. So depressing I feel we should end on that note. I'd like to thank you for sharing your insight, which I can safely assume is on par with the vast majority of the fans out there. It's been a pleasure chillin' with you.

Jones: Again, pleasure was and is all mine.

Both men now silent, Colts eyes widen as he shifts his head back and forth to his right. Not taking the obvious hint to leave, Colt has no choice but to speak up.

Thorpe: Leave Mr. Jones.

Jones: When do I get my twenty bucks.

Thorpe: When we're done filming, now go!

Kevin gets up from his seat, quickly exiting the set. As he exits the scene, Colt's wide eyed stare turns back to the camera.

Thorpe: Well there you have it, the UTA fanbase representative, Kevin Jones, has told it like it is. I hope management is tuning in and can finally see that the universe wants a change. Nobody cares about the old timers anymore. Nobody wants the see 'Dynasty Of Our Lives'. The people are baffled that losers are awarded opportunities that they don't deserve.

Folding his arms and leaning on the desk, Colt leads into his closing statement.

Thorpe: The people want change, and that change begins and ends with Colton Thorpe. Start the movement people. Hashtag it: Stop Dickin' Colt Around. Do your part and get it trending. As always, I will do my part by cutting corners with unmatched douchebaggery. Until next time.

The scene fades out as Colt stands up, revealing he isn't wearing any pants.


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