The third edition of "Chillin' With Colt" emanates from a hospital in Savannah, Georgia.
The scene opens up to Colton Thorpe sitting on an examination table, his legs dangling over the edge. The camera view is shaky, the handler of the device lacking a steady hand.
Thorpe: Faithful viewers of "Chillin' With Colt", welcome to a very special edition of the hottest webcast on the net today.
He raises his right arm up, showcasing the room he is currently occupying. The sterile room in organized neatly, and moderate in size.
Thorpe: As you can see, I've traded in my milk crate desk for this lovely examination room at the Georgia Regional Hospital in Savannah. Why you ask? Because unfortunately on a recent expedition in Virginia, I was attacked by a savage beast that required medical attention.
Raising his hand upward with a finger extended, he nods with a wry smile as if to silence the viewers questions.
Thorpe: Now I know what you're all thinking and asking right now. Why would I drive seven hours from Norfolk to Savannah, bypassing the Carolina's before getting the medical attention needed?
Colt snatches a black bundle between his index finger and thumb, pulling up slowly allowing it to unravel. Revealed is a black bra, with metal studding around the edges.
Thorpe: The beast in question was in hot pursuit of this artifact I stole from it. Stopping too early would have certainly left my fate in grave danger. I mean, take a look at this.
Dropping the bra onto the table he currently sits on, he pulls up the leg to his shorts. Waving the camera man forward, the scene quickly zooms in to two minor gashes.
Thorpe: Those bad boys there required four stitches...EACH!
The scene backs out from the view of Colt's inner thigh, bringing the examination table and Colt back into full view.
Thorpe: It was touch and go there for a while, but the attending doctor feels I will make a full recovery.
Entering through the doorway on the left, a middle aged man, presumably the doctor, enters with a needle in hand.
Thorpe: But this expedition wasn't completely terrible, as plenty was discovered about the Goths and their habitat. The combination of interacting with their kind on a social and intimate level, as well as purchasing season one of "Reaper" from a bargain bin will have me as prepared as I possibly can be for Satan's Daughter.
The doctor cleans the sleeveless shoulder of Colt with a wipe.
Doctor: This will sting a little.
Thorpe: No problemo Doc, go for...OWWWWWEEEE! Damn it!
Doctor: Told you.
The doctor puts a bandaid overtop the injection site. Capping the needle, he turns around to the mini counter behind him, looking at the papers on his clipboard.
Thorpe: Prick...that really hurt.
Doctor: And you were looking to get tested for STD's on top of the Tetanus shot.
Thorpe: She was pretty dirty Doc. Her name was Raven and I'm pretty sure all birds carry diseases.
Doctor: Ummm, okay?
Colt now rubbing the shoulder that was just jabbed, turns his attention back to the camera.
Thorpe: But getting back to the matter at hand, I can all but guarantee Jalante's defeat this upcoming Monday. This study I conducted was ultimately out of boredom, because, well, Ron Hall beat her. So, yeah...
The doctor turns to Colt with a stick swab in hand. Colt opens his mouth, to which the doctor gives him an awkward look.
Doctor: Is this your first time getting tested for an STD?
Thorpe: Oh yeah, and it is about time if you know what I mean.
Doctor: Well don't think you know what I mean because I won't be swabbing the inside of your mouth.
Colt's demeanor quickly changes.
Doctor: You're going to need to drop your pants Mr. Jacobs. I need to take a swab from your urethra.
Colt's eyes widen, his gaze at the white smock Doc shifts back to the camera. Laughter is heard behind the scene, causing the view to bounce up and down.
Thorpe: Uh...this has been a...uh...thank you for watching "Chillin' With Colt"...until next time.
The camera scene does a quick 180 to its holder, revealing a Mexican with a stereotypical moustache. His laughter has slightly subsided.
Camera Man: And this Carlos signing off...I've got some floors that need mopping...Hi Mom!
O/S Thorpe: Cut it Carlos! Hey, you back up with that! I don't want that anywhere near my di...
The scene cuts out to Carlos' laughter erupting again.
"TED CRUZ IS THE ZODIAC KILLER"
- Kentucky Tarzan