Title: [CD] Roach Clips (An Oratory From The Former UTA Champion)
Featuring: Madman Szalinski
Date: 8/10/2016
Location: WrestleUTA.com

Good morning, you bastards and btiches.

Welcome back to the greatest promotion in the game.

The United Toughness Alliance.

While everyone else in the industry of professional wrestling just claims to be the best, UTA did something none of them ever could have. They WERE the best. 

And now, they're back for that number one spot.

UTA brought you the best wrestling, the best stories, the best presentation, the best everything. Even our commercials were better than your favorite company's shows. More people wanted to see that fat ass Bobby Dean ooze chicken grease out his fat rolls,. shilling us buckets of KFC, than they ever wanted to see some damn ten minute slop fest that was headlining the card of any of those other companies.

We're the best. Everyone who walks into this company walks out a star. Just being here makes your name's dollar value soar like an eagle. Our enhancement talent can, and has, went on to dominate the "independents" ever since our doors shuttered earlier in the year.

We got too big for our britches, and we paid the price. Now, we're back to make another investment in the business and maybe even save it from what it's becoming.

Because we weren't a bunch of Twitter warriors who posted softcore porn in order to get more followers. We weren't a bunch of meme-posters who just wanted to make people mad. We were the best, and that's why people were mad at us. All of us.

Sean Jackson. 

The Spectre.


La Flama Blanca.

Eric Dane,

And of course, myself. 

Now that we're back, and we're back to being the best, it's time to start acting like it. It's time to give people mroe than some Hollywood Bruv as their top champion, and more than a porn star wannabe as a top contender, UTA can't be the best with guys like John Sektor and Mikey Unlikely running the main events. I'm not saying either of them completely suck, but they suck just enough to make me worry for this company's future as the premier promotion. 

I know what it takes to be the top of the business. I AM the top of the business. I have cemented my permanent residence as one of this sport's greatest competitors. To deny me this is to kid yourself, not to mention make you look like a bitter second rate nincompoop. So trust me, I know what it takes to be a winner.

And believe me when I tell you...this roster needs a little Madman Szalinski if it's going to ever be anything close to what it used to be.

Now, that might not happen, seeing as how I've got better things to do than trade armlocks with some dumbass who doesn't appreciate what it means to be in the same ring as me. I'm the only man in UTA history who got his dog into the Hall Of Fame. I'm the smallest UTA Champion in history. I'm the only man who beat La Flama Blanca clean on a Pay-Per-View. And I'm the only man who has the balls to say that Mikey Unlikely makes as good of a World Champion as I would a cooking show host. But then again, I make some damn good pizza. 

Hey, maybe Mikey would be a great banner carrier. I'm just saying, all I know of the guy is that he joined Dynasty because he was scared to get ran over by them. And then he waited for the group to splinter apart before he ran in and picked up the broken pieces, trying to glue them back together and hold them up over his head so he could say he was the man. 

Other than that, I'm sure he's a perfectly capable champion.

Until someone comes around who's better. 

And you know how I said I know what talent is and what it takes to be on top? Keep that in mind. Because as this new UTA continues to pick up steam, running down the competition just like I helped it to do back in 2014...you never know who they'll try to bring back in desperation. Or....who they've already brought back.

Because people aren't here for a Dynasty reunion, or for the same old shit with a different smell. They want the future of the business. And this old masked fool knows what that's gonna be,

Stay tuned, assholes. You ain't seen nothin' yet.

More Blogs | View Madman Szalinski's Biography

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About the United Toughness Alliance

The United Toughness Alliance is a fictional wrestling promotion. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imaginations or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Character images are copyright © Ben Halkum and may not be used without permission.