DON'T BE LIKE THIS ME...GET DIRECTTV

Posted by Mikey Unlikely on 9 Sep 2015

The scene opens to an empty arena. No one fills the seats but all the lights are on the ring, where two figures are standing. The camera cuts from the roof view down to the ringside camera.

Inside the ring only one man can be seen. It’s Mikey Unlikely, dressed in a full suit and looking quite dapper. He smiles and holds out his hands as he slowly walks towards the camera.

Unlikely: Hi, I’m Mikey Unlikely, and I have DirectTV!

At the same time another Mikey Unlikely comes into view. An exact replica of the man on the left except this Mikey is in rags, is covered in filth, and has an enormous overgrown beard and hair.

Dirty Mikey: And I’m poor Mikey, and I have cable!
____________________________________________________
The scene cuts to a luxurious living room. Where the Mikey in a suit, sits on his couch comfortably watching a football game.

Unlikely: ONLY DirectTV offers HD DVR TV Genie. Where you can control all your DVRs and recordings in one, simple place!

He clicks on the remote, and the TV comes to life.
____________________________________________________
We cut to a back alley, where Dirty Mikey jumps out of a dumpster and onto a pile of cardboard boxes. Before squatting indian style and turning on an old busted black and white tube tv.

Dirty Mikey: I can’t record my shows all in one spot on cable, so I have to be around when they are on or I might miss em!

It shows Mikey turning on an episode of Pawn Stars that's already halfway over. Because that's what broke people watch right?

Dirty Mikey: Darn, missed it again!
____________________________________________________

Normal Mikey is back again and this time he’s having a football party. Everyone seems to be having an unbelievably amazing time!

Unlikely: I make one low monthly payment every month, and my price is locked in for two years!

He randomly turns and high fives a guy when undoubtedly the home team scores a touchdown! How convenient is that!?
____________________________________________________
Back to Dirty Mikey, who is sitting on the street playing a harmonica with a large cup that has “Cable Bill” written across it. People who walk by drop their change.

Dirty Mikey: My bill changes all the time, so I have to raise money to catch my favorite events before the end of the month! Whenever the cable goes out, I have my good friend Bobby to keep me company.

A beat up old Roomba rolls into view. its covered in Duct tape and band aids. It spins then rolls away in the same direction it came. Dirty Mikey gets a sad face.

Clean Mikey walks into the scene in front of Dirty Mikey.

Unlikely: Don’t be like this me. Get HD DVR TV Genie, only on DirectTV. Call 1-800 Direct TV.

The DirectTV logo comes into view before the scene fades.

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About the United Toughness Alliance

The United Toughness Alliance is a fictional wrestling promotion. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imaginations or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Character images are copyright © Ben Halkum and may not be used without permission.